Disclaimer: Do not read this if you are offended by stories involving male/male relationships, or in an area that prohibits your viewing of such material. This story is copyrighted to me, Edwin e, so don't reproduce it without my permission.
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to anyone (other than myself) is entirely coincidental.
READ: There is a little bit of Spanish in this story. For any non-Spanish speakers out there, an English translation follows in brackets. Peace.
The Hound of God By: Edwin e.
Part V: surprise!
I know myself pretty well. I had expected to feel more than a tinge of emotional discord given the self-imposed limits on my relationship with Dominic. His importance to me: groundbreaking. My duty to remain closeted: immeasurable. Something would eventually have to give.
So the next day at school was... expectedly bittersweet. As I told him the day prior, I was ecstatic with just the knowledge that we were 'together' - even if circumstances did not permit a showcasing of that togetherness. It was hard, no doubt about that. Merely being able to say a quick hello to each other during break or between classes tugged at my heart, as I'm sure it must have tugged at his. Of course in Civics, our only class together, there were a couple of smiles thrown to each other from across the room. But I was confident that no one could tell there was something deeply affectionate behind those smiles.
We had lunch together in the main quad - again, not entirely out of the ordinary. We sat across from each other and talked like normal friends so as not to draw any suspicion. Throughout the meal, however, our hands would sometimes brush against each other as we reached for our food. Each brush caused us to look up and stare for a split second at each other. A small smile would creep on both of our faces before our paranoia ended the mild flirting. The sun, barely peaking behind its cloud curtains, hung behind me and in front of him. Through his squints, his devastating light brown eyes radiantly sparkled what little light the sun allowed us during these rather dreary December days.
Dominic is an all-around great looking guy, but his eyes were his best feature by far. His unusually fine eyelashes helped to give him an exotic simplicity. They opened out - like arms outstretched - as if welcoming, in fact begging everyone to peer into them. A sudden thought popped into my mind. The thought of a future plan that I could put into action with which to surprise him. But that will have to come later...
It was painfully obvious to me that I wanted more. Don't get me wrong: I didn't have any urge to leap over the table and start making out with my man. I don't think I'm capable of such wanton behavior - I'll leave that to the breeders whose constant PDA reminds me of why most teenagers make me uncomfortable. I just wanted to hold his hand. That's it. To just feel his hand in mine; to take one look at him and let him know there's nowhere else I want to be. But I knew that at this point in time, that'd be too much to ask of the world.
Fortunately for me however, today was Monday: tutoring day. Rather than wait until 5 o'clock to see each other, we decided to just head to my house right after school. This would give us at least an hour to ourselves before the rest of my family came home. As I sat in Band waiting with great impatience for the final bell to ring, I noticed Gabriel's absence. This worried me because I knew he was at school earlier in the day. We didn't talk much - only exchanging simple pleasantries - but I was surprised he didn't tell me he was thinking of leaving early. I guess he's still having trouble adjusting to things. I wanted to help him, but there's such a fine line between helping and hindering. I hoped that if he did need me, for whatever reason, he would give me a call.
The bell snapped me out of my thoughts.
After Dominic and I met at the school parking lot, we headed to my house. No doubt we were both excited about being alone, even if for only a few minutes, as we almost broke into a sprint halfway to my house. Dominic always left his car in the school parking lot; letting passersby who recognized it think he was still at school or something. After each tutoring session, he would walk back to the school just before it closed for the day.
As I unlocked the door to my house and stepped inside, I called out to make sure there was no one home. I made a thorough sweep of the house to guarantee privacy. When I returned to the living room, Dominic was still standing near the entryway. He locked the door as I slowly walked toward him - a nervous smile plastered on my face. This struck me as odd: at school my thoughts were dominated by Dominic - my body almost aching to be near him. And now that I was alone with him, I was insufferably nervous. But he returned my smile, with just as much nervousness evident in those eyes of his.
When I finally stood in front of him, both his hands reached out, gently clasping the sides of my head. He pulled me into him as he had done the first time we "really" kissed. My arms, feeling as if they should do something, reached under his arms and began to gingerly stroke his back. After a couple of seconds, I started leading him to the couch - all the while unwilling to break our kiss. As we sat there, my right hand reached behind his head, letting my fingertips glide over the small hairs on the back of his neck. Even with my eyes closed I could feel the smile form on his lips, as we remained connected.
We spent a good ten minutes like this: just physically getting to know each other. Then, I felt Dominic's hand fumbling with my belt. This unexpected turn of events caused me to stop and just look down at his hand. I looked up at him as he smiled sheepishly. I tried to smile back, but I think my discomfort was evident.
"Too fast?" He asked.
"Too fast," I answered. And it was too fast. I could dip my toe into the pool of passion - maybe even sit and let my legs dangle in it. Diving in with heart and soul, though, scared me. I loved making out with him; allowing my hormones to have some sort of release after years of pent up frustration. But going further than that was more than just a step forward. People try to convince themselves that sex can be such an easy decision to make in the throes of passion. Only the most jaded see it as a mere hop, skip, and a jump: in reality, it is a terrifyingly treacherous leap.
I know this may make me seem like a prude, but I'm not. I'm really not; it's just... I'm 17 years old and just barely had my first kiss 2 months ago - under extreme circumstances, mind you. Sexually speaking - hell, even emotionally speaking - I'm severely stunted. There has never been anyone for me to get advice from; no one to help me understand the things I was going through. Just as with my studies and my philosophies, I had to go at it alone. My parents, who are the two most loving people I know, couldn't help me with stuff like that. How could they help me with "Love" when they didn't understand the agonizing pain of being gay and alone? I felt their love and support, but that's not enough sometimes. My theories and feelings - with all their flaws, inadequacies, and naivete - are the only things I have that are truly mine.
And here was Dominic: who otherwise would be the desire of every gay boy (or straight girl) - a dream who wanted to be as close to me as conceivably possible. Can you imagine what would happen if I took that leap forward unprepared? Can you possibly fathom the utter conflict and existential anguish it could strike into my heart and psyche? No, no, no. Things had to go slow; there's nothing wrong with erring on the side of caution...
I could tell he wanted to go back to making out after my rebuff, but the mood had changed for me. So I just took hold of his hand with my left and used the remote in my right hand to turn on the TV. I rested my head against his as I changed the channel to ESPN. He breathed in deeply, sighing with some disappointment. But when he put his arm around my shoulder, I knew he didn't mind this more docile alternative. For
the half hour until my parents were supposed to get home we just watched TV, laughing and teasing each other over random subjects. We especially had a great time discussing football: I was a 49ers fan while he liked the dreaded Raiders. We took our loyalty to our teams seriously, while not missing the irony that both were in the midst of horrible seasons. Ah, good times, good times.
At 4 o'clock we went into the dining room to work on some math. My mother would be getting home soon, and it would be prudent to be found studying instead of holding hands while watching TV. She finally came home at quarter to five with bags of groceries in both her arms. I immediately went to help her, as did Dominic.
"Thank you, mijo. Oh, Dominic! You're here early," she said when she finally noticed him.
"Yeah, well since we're in finals week, your son agreed to extend our tutoring sessions," he replied.
"Well that's a very good idea boys," my mom said as she started putting the groceries away in the kitchen. Dominic and I headed back into the dining room to try and study. After twenty minutes of working, we took another break. I grabbed a couple of sodas from the fridge as my mom started preparing dinner. She took this time to make small talk with Dominic since she hardly ever stayed home during the tutoring sessions.
"So Dominic, are you doing anything special for Christmas next week?" She asked. This was a good question because I didn't know the answer to it. I took for granted the notion that he would be around.
"Yes ma'am. My family and I are going to Chicago to spend Christmas with my grandparents," he replied. I tried not to show my disappointment by just smiling politely as I drank my soda.
"Well that sounds like fun!" My mom said in her typical cheery voice.
"Oh I think it will be," he continued. "The only bad thing is that I'm going to have to be away from my girlfriend during the holidays. It's gonna kill me to be away from her for so long." He gave me a quick wink. I couldn't help but be slightly impressed at his not-too-subtle attempt at double-entendre.
"Well I wouldn't worry about that. Love needs plenty of space to grow or else it'll choke," my mom replied. Dominic shot me a huge grin - obviously realizing I, in fact, am my mother's son.
"Mommmmm," I said in a playfully whiny voice, "I don't think he was asking your advice."
"Well I'm soooo sorry, mijo," my mom retorted with an equally mocking and hilarious tone as she came into the dining and room and squeezed one of my cheeks with her fingers. She liked to embarrass me in front of my friends. She and I laughed before she turned to Dominic and said, "But seriously. Time apart may seem hard, but what does it matter if your hearts know they'll be together again soon?" Leaving that little nugget of wisdom for him to ponder, she went back to the kitchen and told us to get back to work.
After a while, we went to my room on the pretense that Dominic needed to check his email. Once up there, we shut the door and rewarded our successful deception with a kiss. I sat on my bed and chatted with him while he checked his email. Then I needed to talk to him seriously; I felt we should come up with ground rules to help us better deal with the anxiety of not knowing when we would be together. We needed a plan.
We agreed that two lunches together in the quad per week would be okay so long as they weren't on back-to-back days. Similarly, only one lunch per week could fall on a tutoring day. Better safe than sorry, right? The tutoring sessions, which could quickly become nothing more than cover stories, would enable us to see each other outside of school at least twice a week. These precautionary plans were harder for Dominic to swallow. We both wanted more; but he REALLY wanted more. He insisted on adding a condition of his own to make sure his desires were being taken into account: dates. He wanted to go out once every weekend like typical couples. Every weekend struck me as too risky. So we compromised on, at most, two weekends a month - as long as we went out to nearby metropolitan areas like Sacramento or San Francisco to ensure we wouldn't run into anyone we recognized. Once these general rules were laid down, I brought up more pressing matters.
"So you're going to Chicago?" I asked him as he took a seat next to me on my bed and held my hand.
"Yeah... I didn't know how to bring it up, but your mom kinda took care of that," he smiled as he brought his lips to my hand.
"She's nosy like that," I responded with a small laugh. "When do you leave?"
"A week from today. And then we get back a week later." He answered. "So you're not upset?"
"Of course not. It kinda sucks, but it's not like you have any control over it. Plus we'll still have a week of Winter Break in which to hang out," I said. That's me: always looking on the bright side of life [insert ironic chuckle here]. All of a sudden, he jumped onto his knees and leaned toward me.
"So," he started very excitedly. "Where are we going for our first date?"
"Well, since this is your caveat, you can decide," I answered. "Oh, and you can pay too." I smiled as he laughed quite a bit at my last remark - probably thinking I was kidding.
"Okay. We'll go to one of my favorite restaurants in Sacramento. You like Italian, right?" He asked, his excitement increasing with each sentence.
"Most definitely," I answered. We kissed one more time before we headed downstairs so he could get his stuff and head home.
Finals week was easier for me after we finally put a plan together. My aching and wandering thoughts of Dominic were more subdued than they had been that first day. I guess since I knew what to expect - when I'd see him and for how long - my mind and body didn't feel the need to be overly anxious (which was the whole purpose of the plan). Before he had left my house, we agreed on one more crucial rule: do not neglect your friends. This was as much for his benefit as for mine. Even the jocks don't like to feel slighted by their friends. So I felt it imperative for him to continue to spend copious amounts of time with his buds. And I, of course, would hang out with mine - namely Gabriel.
But Gabriel was starting to piss me off. Well, not really. As the end of finals week rolled along, he was more cordial to me than he had been at the start. But he still remained uncharacteristically distant. Just the fact that he was only cordial to me spoke volumes. I thought he might be mad at me; perhaps feeling abandoned when I didn't call or visit him after the wake. Maybe my assumption of his needing time alone was flawed. If so, I was probably coming off as a horrible friend. And that thought concerned me deeply.
So against my original inclination, I called up Gabriel after school let out for Winter Break. I asked him if he wanted to hang out that night or something. Though I hoped he would be willing, he graciously declined. Suffice it to say that I was awfully disappointed. I couldn't hang out with Dominic because our date was tomorrow. So I called up a few of my Band friends and went to the movies as a group. It was pretty fun, but I really missed Gabriel.
When Saturday night arrived, I found myself really excited to be going out on a real date. My parents, knowing they could trust me, accepted my story of going to hang out with friends. As soon as I saw Dominic pull up in front of the house, I ran downstairs and notified my parents that my ride was here. When I got into his car, he smiled and put his hand on my leg and gave a gentle squeeze. This was going to be nice.
When we finally made it to the restaurant in downtown Sacramento, we were seated almost immediately. The place was nice - ample seating hall decorated in a simple yet elegant "Italian-villa" style. The low lighting and aroma of food just added to the overall ambiance. Dominic had chosen wisely.
"So are you enjoying yourself?" He asked, the twinkling of the lights being captured in his eyes.
"Immensely," I answered. Again, we couldn't really do much but talk.
"Hey Dominic," I began after the waiter had brought us our order, "did you notice all the waiters here are... incredi bly hot?"
"Really?" He asked mockingly. He looked about the room as if upset he missed something. He chuckled quietly as he said, "Of course I've noticed! Ever since I was 10 I would force my parents to come here whenever we ate out. Sure the food's good, but the waiters are better." He gave me a wink.
"Shit, they're reason enough for me to start coming here more often," I teased.
"Oh no. You can only come here with me: I don't trust them!" he exclaimed quietly. We were having a great time. And the best part was that everyone around us probably thought we were just good friends hanging out over some tasty Italian food. As long as we could keep the charade going, I thought that Dominic might remain pretty happy with the arrangement.
After dinner - which he paid for - we walked a couple of blocks to an ice cream place we had seen on the way to the restaurant. We placed our order and just sat in a booth and talked for another half hour. I don't think I've had a smile on my face for so long a time. After a quick ride home, our date came to an end.
Oh I love Christmastime - the season of perpetual hope. Christmas week went rather well. Maybe it was insensitive of me, but Dominic being gone didn't put too much of a damper on my holiday festivities. Of course I missed him; often wondering what he was doing, if he was thinking of me, etc. But I had my family, my friends, my shopping, my tamales, and my Christmas tree to help me have fun while he was gone. The only thing I didn't have was Gabriel. I talked to his mom once during that week, hoping to talk to him instead. She told me not to take his aloofness too personally: aside from Amanda, he had nearly cut himself off from everyone else. She hoped it would just be a phase; that in a matter of time he would return to the wonderful guy he was before. I hoped that was true as well...
When Dominic finally came back from Chicago, I called him from one of my Christmas gifts: a new cell phone. Whoo-hoo! We both knew we could talk on the phone a lot more now - not having to tie up the house line or talk where everyone could hear us. Ah, such freedom.
We went out three times that last week of Break - not really "dates," so much as "casual 'random' encounters" (as I called them). On the last of these encounters, I kept apologizing for not having got him a Christmas gift. But he wouldn't hear of it; after all, he didn't get me one either. Nevertheless, I felt bad. Because let's be honest, in this country where the fetish of our day is the almighty Dollar, what says, "I love you" better than nice presents? But I had a plan; something I had thought of a couple of weeks prior. I told him that once school started and we went on our next scheduled date, I would give him his present.
"Does that mean I have to get you one?" He playfully whined.
"Of course not!" I answered. "But... there is this great wool overcoat I was eyeing the other day."
"Oh please! You have plenty of coats," he mocked. It was true: I was the Imelda Marcos of coats. I don't know why I liked them so much, but I did. Something about layers made me feel... safe. But I digress...
After another week of waiting, it was time for another date. I was so excited as we drove to Sacramento that I was slightly trembling. This time around we went to a small Chinese food place I had suggested. The place was nice and the food was delicious. As before, we went out to find some ice cream after our meal (which I paid for this time). I knew the nearest ice cream parlor was adjacent to a park - both of which were needed for my surprise. After three weeks of scoping and preparation, I knew this park had few visitors at this time of night.
"So is this your gift: your paying for dinner and ice cream?" He asked as we headed to the park. "Cuz if so, I won't have too hard a time topping it." He said with a smile.
"Well, it's part of it," I answered with, what I hoped was, a sense of mystery. We sat down on a bench, just a few feet away from a lamppost - giving us just enough light to see each other, but not enough to draw attention from the random stragglers. After looking around, he took my hand and sighed; satisfied smiles evident on our faces. Then, the violins began...
Three weeks ago I went searching for mariachi groups in the Sacramento area to hire to serenade Dominic. This was somewhat difficult seeing as how there are fewer groups in Sacramento than, say in the Bay Area or LA. I know this isn't the most original of ideas, but my parents were always telling me stories of how serenades play such an important part of romance in Mexico. So I was desperate to make this happen. And I was very particular: it had to be a group of relatively young musicians, preferably a college group. My reasoning was twofold: first, they'd be cheaper. Secondly, young students would most likely have less trouble serenading a same-sex couple. I figured older Mexican players would have a good dose of the Machismo attitude.
I eventually found a good group from a local college who were more than happy to help me out. After they sent me a list of their repertoire, I was overjoyed to find they could perform the three songs on my wish list. This was very important to me as well. Of course I wanted love songs, but the songs I was looking for had to be in minor keys. It may seem insignificant, but love songs in minor keys always made me FEEL them more. Something about Love with an undercurrent of sadness made them seem more real. And they even agreed to another request, though that took a bit more convincing...
The stunned look on Dominic's face was priceless. Oh man, did his face turn red! He looked at me and just planted the greatest kiss on my lips. I looked into his eyes and saw the fulfillment of such unfulfillable longing. I gave him an envelope that contained English translations to the three songs he was about to listen to. Music may be the universal language, but I wanted him to know the words. He took my hand and watched as a very hot young college student walked up to us and started singing "Sabor a Mi" [The taste of me]. If this guy felt awkward singing to two guys, you couldn't tell: he held a beautiful smile while singing to us.
One reason I had chosen this song was because, in some versions, it contained a couple verses in English that didn't feel out of place. Luckily, as if the universe was granting me a gift, this group knew this rare version. I watched Dominic as the verses came up:
"I'm so helpless/ When you touch me/ Feeling feelings that I've never felt before/ Oh, my darling!/ Say you love me/ If you love me, I'll be yours forever more/ So I beg you to be gentle/ With my heart/ Baby promise me we'll never/ We'll never part/ Through each night and through each day/ Through the years that slip away/ Be true to me."
When the song finished, Dominic clapped and thanked the young man. We suddenly heard other clapping - half a dozen pedestrians had cloistered themselves behind us to watch. Luckily they were all old people whom I didn't recognize. So far so good, I thought. Before Dominic was able to say anything, the next song began: a slow, melodic tune that had provided me the inspiration for this night. A beautiful girl came forward, hair tied back, with a violin resting in one hand. She started singing "Hay Unos Ojos" [There are some eyes].
"HAY UNOS OJOS QUE SI ME MIRAN/ HACEN QUE MI ALMA, TIEMBLE DE AMOR/ SON UNOS OJOS TAN PRIMOROSOS/ OJOS MAS LINDOS NO HE VISTO YO" [There are some eyes which if they look at me/ Make my soul tremble with love/ There are some eyes so exquisite/ Prettier eyes I have never seen].
As Dominic read the lyrics to the first stanza, he looked at me with those eyes of his and again gave me a kiss. Unfortunately, this caused us both to kind of ignore the second stanza of the song. I was okay with that, but I really wanted him to hear/read the last stanza. The lovely girl, not losing a beat, continued:
"Y TODOS DICEN QUE NO TE QUIERO/ QUE NO TE ADORO CON FRENESI/ Y YO LES DIGO QUE MIENTEN, MIENTEN/ QUE HASTA LA VIDA DARIA POR TI"[And everyone says that I don't love you/ That I don't adore you with a frenzy/ And I tell them that they lie, they lie/ That I would even give my life for you].
It was getting to be too much for him. His eyes started to water, but he wiped them before any tears could drop. I was hoping this was a good sign. If he liked these first two songs, my last surprise would definitely send him over the top. As the mariachi group tuned and prepared for the last song, I turned to Dominic.
"Okay, make sure you pay attention to the lyrics of this song, okay?" I told him.
"Ahem, okay," he said with a wavering voice. As the group began the intro to "Cuando Sale La Luna" [When the moon comes out], I stood up. Dominic looked at me with a puzzled gaze. The whole group smiled as I took my place in front of them. I started singing:
"DEJA QUE SALGA LA LUNA/ DEJA QUE SE META EL SOL/ DEJA QUE CAIGA LA NOCHE/ PA' QUE EMPIECE NUESTRO AMOR/ DEJA QUE LAS ESTRELLITAS/ ME LLENEN DE INSPIRACION/ PARA DECIRTE COSITAS/ MUY BONITAS CORAZON/ YO SE QUE NO HAY EN EL MUNDO/ AMOR COMO EL QUE ME DAS/ Y SE QUE NOCHE CON NOCHE/ VA CRECIENDO MAS Y MAS" [Let the moon come out/ Let the sun go down/ Let the night fall/ So our love can begin/ Let the little stars/ Fill me with inspiration/ So I can say to you little things/ Pretty things, my love/ I know there is nothing in the world/ Like the love you give me/ And I know that night after night/ That love grows more and more].
As the refrain was being played, I knelt down and took Dominic's hand in mine. A light blush whisked across his face as I kissed his hand in front of the group and handful of spectators. I stood up again to continue with the last, and most important, verse:
"CUANDO ESTOY EN TUS BRAZOS/ SIEMPRE ME PREGUNTO YO/ CUANTO ME DEBIA EL DESTINO/ QUE CONTIGO ME PAGO/ ES POR ESO QUE MI VIDA/ TODA TE LA ENTREGO A TI/ TU QUE ME DISTE EN TUS BESOS/ LO QUE NUNCA TE PEDI/ YO SE QUE NO HAY EN EL MUNDO/ AMOR COMO EL QUE ME DAS/ Y SE QUE NOCHE CON NOCHE/ VA CRECIENDO MAS Y MAS" [When I am in your arms/ I always ask myself/ How much did Destiny owe me/ That He paid His debt to me with you/ That is why my life/ I give to you/ You who gave me in your kisses/ What I never asked of you/ I know there is nothing in the world/ Like the love you give me/ And I know that night after night/ That love grows more and more].
Then an abrupt musical halt to make way for the slow, and brief, vocal solo: "DEJA QUE SALGA... LA LUNA" [Let the moon come out].
When the music ended, the crowd roared. Well, since there were only a few people still hanging about, it was more of temperate enthusiasm. But Dominic looked so happy! He got up and gave me a giant bear hug.
"Thank you," he whispered into my ear. I took his hand and led him to the group. The director started introducing everyone to us. All the players had huge smiles as Dominic wiped his eyes again. Dominic, being the constant gentlemen, separated from me to thank everyone personally. I took this time to talk to the director.
"Whew! Thank you so much Linda," I said. "You have no idea what this meant to me."
"Don't mention it! We had a great time," she responded affectionately. "You know we were all a little bit hesitant when you said you wanted to sing a song. We've done it before and it hardly ever goes well."
I chuckled. "So how'd I do?" I asked.
"You were amazing! Listen," she reached into her pocket and took out a business card, "here's our card. You said you're a senior in high school, right?" I nodded. "Did you apply to our school?"
"Yeah," I replied.
"Do you think you'll get in?" She continued. I didn't want to sound conceited, but I told her I was almost positive. She smiled as she went on, "Well if you decide to come here, you HAVE to join us. We could use another excellent singer and trumpet player."
"Oh, wow. Um, thanks!" I said, shocked at this unexpected invitation. Dominic came back and we said our goodbyes to the group.
We walked over to the car in silence. We didn't say a word until we got back to our town. He stopped a few blocks from my house and parked in a secluded area.
"That was amazing, Edwin," he finally said. I smiled, knowing I got the reaction I set out to get. "I didn't think you would do something so... public."
"Neither did I," I answered honestly as I took his hand. "But I needed to show you how much you mean to me. I figure I owe you so much for continuing to put up with my paranoia, and my rules, and all that shit. This was the least I could do."
He gave me a long, open-mouthed kiss. We probably would have stayed there for hours, just making out if we hadn't spotted a car a few hundred yards away coming toward us. We decided to just call it a night, and he took me home.
For the first time in my life, just about everything was going my way. This amazing boy was shucking loose the loneliness that I had assumed would be my fate. Nothing could possibly go wrong, right?
Right?
TO BE CONTINUED...
Author's Notes: Hello everybody! This wasn't exactly where I wanted to leave off this chapter, but it would have been too long otherwise; I was already having a hard time editing this piece. I hope it's continuing to entertain. Feel free to drop me a line if you like it, or if you have suggestions for what you want to see happen. I foresee only 3 more chapters, so not much time left to send me suggestions. Peace!
edtimoria@hotmail.com