Disclaimer: Do not read this if you are offended by stories involving male/male relationships, or in an area that prohibits your viewing of such material. This story is copyrighted to me, Edwin e, so don't reproduce it without my permission.
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to anyone (other than myself) is entirely coincidental.
READ: There is a little bit of Spanish in this story. For any non-Spanish speakers out there, an English translation follows in brackets. Peace.
The Hound of God By: Edwin e.
Part VI: apocalypse
I know this may sound trite, but life is a sort of journey. Many people spend their lives trying to find an answer to life - as if it's some sort of riddle; or they try to reach a high score - as if it's a game; or they climb high - as if it's a mountain with a summit. Life is none of these: it's harder and much more interesting than that. Like with any journey, many paths can be taken through life; but unlike most, it is the process that matters rather the destination.
At the start of my senior year, I didn't care about my journey. I just walked through life in a daze. Granted, I walked well, but still in a daze. That is to say that I had my share of fun and happiness, but I could never put my finger on what I felt was missing. It wasn't until Dominic came into my life that I realized my heart had been adrift. Loneliness - or rather romantic loneliness - had become second nature. And his reaching out his hand... meant the world to me.
In a very small, deep, and secret part of my heart, I toyed with the idea that this had all been meant to be; that the hand of Fortune had brought Dominic to me as a reward for all the shit I put on myself. I know it's wrong of me to think such things, but I couldn't help it. It was during those times that I wished I believed in the idea of soul mates - if only to allow myself to flirt with the chance of permanence. Unfortunately, the whole notion is anathema to my beliefs - but I can still acknowledge a nice thought when I see it.
Things felt so right after I serenaded Dominic - after the magic in the park. There was no doubt in my mind that the universe was smiling down on me. So imagine my surprise when Dominic and I broke up two weeks later. It was more than a surprise - it was a catastrophic shock. Actually, I'm not sure if we had officially broken up: having never been in a relationship, I didn't know (or recognize) the protocol. All I knew was that there was a lot of anger and distrust - on both sides. And despite all his calls to my cell, I couldn't bring myself to answer: the hurt went too deep.
My only consolation through this ordeal was that Gabriel had finally come out of his funk (to a certain extent). The Monday after Dominic and I shared that amazing night in the park was the day Gabriel finally came around. We talked a whole lot more than before, and he even seemed to laugh quite a bit. Whatever demons he had been wrestling seemed to have been exorcised. For two weeks I had euphoria dripping from every pore in my body. My family was well, I finally had Gabriel back, and Dominic... well, with Dominic, God and I had reached a consensus: I could keep this unbelievable joy in my life so long as it remained a secret. That was until that fateful day...
"Are you okay?" Gabriel asked just as I was about to relive the nightmare in my mind. He placed his hand on my shoulder while a look of concern showed clearly on his face.
"Yeah, I'm just tired," I said softly. I was hoping he hadn't noticed that I'd been looking in Dominic's direction during these first five minutes of lunch.
"Well you've been 'tired' this entire weekend," he said not believing my excuse though still willing to play along. "Wasn't that your excuse for not coming to school yesterday: you were 'tired'?"
"It was just a tough weekend," I managed to mutter.
"That much I could gather," he began. "I didn't want to say anything on Saturday, but when you showed up on my door... you seemed all fucked up."
"Gee, thanks," I tried to joke. He was right though: I had gone to his house shortly after the incident, allowing myself little time to get composed. I was hoping he hadn't noticed, but I'd learned long ago that his empathy rivaled my own.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.
"No," I stated.
"Come on man, we're best friends. Let me be there for you," he replied emphatically. My soul sneered at the irony.
"You mean like you let me be there for you after the wake?" I asked. "More than a month went by without us really talking. A-and you've still never told me what was bothering you so much." He looked at me with very pained eyes. It wasn't that I hurt him, more like him realizing that he had hurt me during those days.
"Point taken," was all he managed to say. We sat in silence for a couple more seconds. "Come on, let's go to your house for lunch. Your mom always has some great leftovers." The cheer in his voice was refreshing, though a little strained. But it got a genuine smile out of me anyways. I wished I could have told him what had happened just a few days prior. But alas.
As Gabriel put his hands on my shoulder to nudge me toward my house, I couldn't help but look back in Dominic's direction. We made eye contact for a brief second - the anger and despair in his eyes clearly evident to me. For the first time since Dominic and I became a couple, I found myself doing something I had done the vast majority of my life: looking over my shoulder at what might have been. But despite my sorrow, another thought resounded to my core:
"LA PUNALADA QUE ME DISTE FUE TRAPERA/ DE ESA SE SALGA QUE NO TIENES CORAZON" [The stabbing you gave me was in the back/ From that it is clear you have no heart].
"You know you don't have to try and top my gift, right?" I asked him over the phone.
"Uh-huh... yeah... right... sure," Dominic responded with a chuckle. "It's only fair, man! And believe me, I don't think I can top it, but I sure as hell can try."
"So what are you going to do this weekend," I asked.
"A few of us from the soccer team were gonna try to crash a college party in Sac," he replied. "And you?"
"Mostly gonna hang out with Gabriel. We'll probably go miniature golfing or to the movies." It still amazed me how different Dominic and I were in many respects.
"I noticed you guys were talking and hanging out a lot more this week..." he said before trailing off. I found this amusing.
"Are you jealous, Dominic?" I asked with a smile in my voice.
"No! Of course not," he began defensively. Then in a more cheerful voice: "Well, maybe."
"Well, don't worry: I've never sang to him - nor do I see myself doing so in the foreseeable future," I said trying to playfully assuage him.
"Yeah you better not," he laughed. We talked for a few more minutes before it started getting late. "I should get going, but remember: we got a date next weekend," he said.
"Yes I know - your 'big surprise' date," I jokingly whined. I couldn't help but think of what he would try to do to top me. My brother would always say that healthy competition is good for the soul. Though I think he only said that because he kicked my ass in everything we competed in.
Gabriel and I did end up miniature golfing that weekend. I had a great time, which was somewhat hard to believe because Amanda joined us. It was a bit of a last minute decision on Gabriel's part. I hate feeling like a third wheel, so I made my hesitancy known to my friend. He guaranteed that I wouldn't feel awkward; and true to his word, I didn't. In fact, I found myself deeply impressed with the relationship between those two. It seemed as if they were friends before anything else - which was the dynamic necessary to keep me from feeling like an outsider. I came to realize that that was what I wanted for Dominic and me: to be able to be together (very much in love) while having others join us without making them feel alienated.
The week leading up to my next date with Dominic was rather uneventful. Of course I had my regular lunches with both Gabriel and Dominic, but nothing interesting really happened. As the days wore on, a tinge of excitement began to c reep in. What did he have planned? Where were we going to go? Of course the little bastard wouldn't give me a clue. He wouldn't even tell me what day we were going out. To add to the suspense, he cancelled both of our scheduled tutoring sessions that week (and by "tutoring sessions" I mean "make-out sessions"). All I was told was to keep my weekend clear. This was a little hard because Gabriel wanted to hang out again. But I gave him some excuse and waited patiently for Dominic's call.
He finally called my cell on Friday around 3:30pm. We didn't talk at all, he just gave me strict instructions: go to his house at 7:00pm and tell my parents that this was the only time Dominic was free to make up the cancelled tutoring sessions. Seeing no flaw in this story, I went along and was soon on my way to Dominic's house.
I had only been to his house a couple of times in the past. It was a very nice house in a very nice part of town. From the way Dominic described his parents I had expected them to be cold and downright mean. But the two times I had spoken to them, they seemed to just be serious and proper. I guess I can see how a kid needing attention might misconstrue these attributes. Overall however, they were incredibly nice folk. True they were Methodists, but hey, no one's perfect, right? As I walked up to his house, I noticed it looked very empty. Other houses on the block had porch lights on as well as lights within the houses visible through the windows. But Dominic's house was so very dark with shades drawn. For a split second I thought he wasn't home. But I rang the doorbell anyway.
Dominic opened the door and just blew me away. There he stood, dressed in a coat and tie, hair combed back, a goofy grin on his face and a sterling rose (my favorite flower) in his hand. While still drinking up his presence, I couldn't help but feel incredibly underdressed in jeans and a polo shirt. He quickly led me into the house so the neighbors wouldn't see him so dapper. This gallant persona made me so weak in the knees. If he hadn't been holding my hand, I probably would have fallen on the floor when I walked in. There were candles everywhere: on the dining table, on the piano near the living room, on the glass coffee table, on the mantle, and even on fixtures fastened to the walls. Both the house and I were glowing. After I put my backpack in the living room, he handed me the rose and led me to the dining room. He sat me down in a seat facing an absolutely gorgeous set of china.
"Wow," was all I could say as he took a seat next to me. He took my hand and kissed it affectionately while peering into my eyes.
"You approve?" He asked.
"Of course!" I said just before I grabbed his head and kissed the hell out of him. As he stroked the back of my head he pulled away slightly.
"Whew! How about we eat dinner before dessert, okay?" He smiled.
"Whatever," I said in the most disappointed voice I could muster. But he just smiled and kissed my forehead as he got up from his seat.
"Hey Dominic," I called as he was preparing stuff in the kitchen. "Where are you parents? I take it they're not gonna come home soon?"
"They went away for the weekend. They left yesterday and won't be back until noon tomorrow," he replied. As he came back into the room with dinner I was silently laughing to myself. "What's so funny?" He asked.
"Oh nothing," I began. "I didn't know parents really did that; you know, go away for the weekend. I thought that just happened in movies and stories." He smiled as he brought the refreshments to go along with dinner.
The dinner was fabulous! It took us a good hour and a half to finish the meal he had prepared because we kept getting "distracted" (if you follow me). My level of comfort and peace had never been higher. Dominic had done a superb job of bringing true romance to our night. It saddened me that it would have to come to an end soon. Then Dominic, having perfected his mind reading abilities, handed me the telephone.
"Call your parents and ask them if you can spending the night," he directed as he cleared the table.
"Um, what am I supposed to say to them?" I asked a little shocked.
"I'm sure you'll think of something," he said while offering me a reassuring smile.
So I called my parents and told them we still had a whole lot of studying to do. Rather than go home and then come back in the morning, I asked if I could spend the night. They had no problem with it, though they worried about dinner. But I convinced them that Dominic's parents had got us some pizza. All in all, it wasn't too difficult to lie.
"Are you ready for more of your gift?" He asked somewhat nervously after I hung up the phone.
"I-I think so," I answered with a bit of pleasant fear. He took my hand and slowly led me upstairs. Once in his room, he closed the blinds, and put some romantic music on the stereo.
He sat me down on the bed and started gently kissing me. He unbuttoned the few buttons of my shirt with one hand while holding the back of my head with the other and slowly laying me down on the bed. Getting caught up in the moment, I didn't put up a struggle when he lifted my arms and took off my shirt. But when he stood up and started unbuttoning his shirt, all the while smiling at me, I began to get a little nervous.
"Dominic, I-I don't know if-if," I began in a whisper.
"Shhh," he interrupted. "Don't worry, we won't go far. Just trust me." He smiled as he continued to unbutton the rest of his shirt. When he finally succeeded, I couldn't help but stare at him. Everybody knew Dominic had a great body - he needed one to be as great a soccer player as he was. Besides, it was clear that his wardrobe was meant to accentuate his incredibly toned self. Nevertheless, I continued to stare at him as if just now noticing how gorgeous he was; this was the first time I made the connection that this body, which is an awe of physical achievement, wanted me too. And this thought just made it that much sexier.
He leaned over me, our bare torsos touching, and began nibbling my neck. He slowly made his way South, making sure to take in all the sights along the way. After his lips investigated and stimulated every ticklish part of my upper body, he came back up and kissed me on the lips. While supporting himself with one hand, he began unfastening my belt with the other. My body jerked slightly at his actions, but I let him continue. As he took my belt off and unbuttoned my pants, he placed his free hand on my chest over my heart. And he just kept it there, letting my rapidly beating heart know that everything was going to be okay.
After I calmed down a bit, he continued undressing me. Soon there we were; me lying on the bed in my black boxer-briefs and him standing in front of me in his red boxers - both our hard ons evident. In what seemed like a flash, he took off his underwear and stripped mine off with little resistance from me. Seeing each other naked for the first time caused us both to stop - just for a split second - in order to admire the other. Our equipment were evenly matched: each a cut 6.5". Oddly enough, once I saw Dominic's package, I felt relieved. With his being a couple inches taller than me and slightly more muscular, I just assumed he'd dwarf me in other areas; I guess a part of me was desperately hoping I wouldn't disappoint him. My ego danced a little jig knowing that at least in one respect, Dominic and I were equal.
No sooner had I finished my thought on dick size than Dominic climbed on top of me and started kissing me again. As we let our tongues enjoy each other's presence, our dicks started to get to know one another. It was clear they were happy to meet - like old friends reunited after much time apart. The room was getting hot: beads of sweat beginning to form all over our bodies.
And then the real fun began.
For someone very gung-ho about our relationship, Dominic can be a bit of a tease. He spent so much time massaging, licking, and torturing my dick without actually doing anything. I was about to express my blue ball-ish pain when I suddenly felt his mouth slowly cover my head. Up to this point, jerking off had been my only means of sexual release. But this feeling was infinitely better; in fact, it felt miraculous. As he slowly, but lovingly moved his head to and fro, I reached out and gently clenched the hair on the back of his head. I wasn't pulling him into me in order to deep throat my cock or anything like that; I just needed to touch him - to have my hands connect with him while he kept me in this bliss.
For 35 minutes he kept this up: sucking my dick, licking my balls, kissing my inner thigh. God it was great! Of course Dominic was no pro - his teeth would intermittently cause my body to react sharply. But it didn't matter: I was happy. Every time I came close to shooting I'd tell him (per his request) and he would step off - coming up to kiss me while giving me time to calm down.
During one of these breaks I tried to get him on his back so I could go down on him. I felt guilty that all he could do was stroke himself while sucking me. But he would have none of it: "This is your gift," he would say before positioning me back on the bed.
Eventually, I just couldn't take it anymore. I warned him that I was close to cumming. As he was about to separate his lips from my shaft, I grabbed his head and kept him in place. He seemed very surprised at first, but then understood that I wanted to shoot. He began jerking himself quickly while slowing the pace at which he sucked me off. I gathered he wanted us to cum at the same time. As I felt my climax just moments away I motioned for him to get off. Although against his clear intention, I didn't want to cum in his mouth; I don't know, it just seemed like a rude thing to do. But he didn't struggle. He quickly got to his feet and started jerking both dicks at a furious pace.
I shot first: the beginning squirts sending the silken ropes to the top of my chest. The momentary heat of cum on my flesh felt wonderful. Not a second passed before Dominic started cumming too. Amid hearty groans and heavy panting our bodies excised themselves of our essences. My boyfriend fell on top of me - our bodies sticky from all the action. He gave me a kiss and rolled to the side of me. We closed our eyes and smiled.
"Wow, I guess you were able to top me," I finally said in a voice still wavering from the pleasure.
"Oh no," he replied between pants. "Your gift was definitely better, but this is a close second."
The night was still young, but we were exhausted. So once we cleaned ourselves up and put our underwear back on, we laid down, ready for bed.
"What are you thinking?" Dominic asked me with his head on my chest. His arm was draped across my stomach while mine softly caressed his back and shoulders. He must have seen the contemplative look on my face.
"Nothing, it's just..." I couldn't really express the thoughts running through my head. "I didn't know we could do that."
"You mean go so far," he asked with a tinge of trepidation.
"No, no, not that," I sighed, taking a couple of seconds to think before I spoke again. "I didn't know that as people, we were capable of making others feel... the way you made me feel." I paused a moment and looked him in the eyes. "Did you know we could do that?"
"Yeah," he replied rather quickly. "You made me feel that when we first kissed... despite the awful circumstances." I couldn't tell if he was joking, just telling me something I wanted to hear, or being honest, but it didn't matter. We were both happy as we drifted to sleep...
At 10 o'clock the next morning I got out of bed and started putting my pants on. Dominic awoke and just smiled at me.
"We should get up Dominic," I said after giving him a good morning kiss. "Your parents are coming home soon, and I should be gone before they come back." As if not hearing me, he just motioned for me to sit next to him.
"You don't have to worry about that," he said cryptically.
"What do you mean?" I asked. He seemed extremely anxious, and didn't say anything for a few moments. I could tell he was gathering himself to tell me something.
He looked into my eyes and said: "I came out to my parents." I think the shock on my face was clear. He just held my hand awaiting a response.
"Oh wow, how did they take it?" I asked.
"Better than I expected. They didn't jump for joy or anything like that. They were a little sad at first, but then told me they accepted it," he said excitedly. I got closer and hugged him tightly.
"Oh, Dominic that's so great!" I exclaimed. "I'm so happy for you!"
"Oh thank god!" he said. "I thought you'd be mad or something."
"Why would I be mad?" I asked him with a smile. "I'm so happy that you were able to do it."
"Thanks," he said. We both hugged and kissed some more before I pulled away to finish putting on my clothes.
"Where you going?" He asked a little disappointed.
"Well, your parents are still gonna be here soon, so I should get going. Plus, now that they know you're gay, if I stay around, they might suspect me too," I smiled. In terms of our secret relationship, this new information wasn't going to pose much of a problem: I hardly had any contact with his parents and I was confident we could keep them in the dark.
"But they're okay with us," he stated as if reiterating a point I had missed.
"I don't understand," I said very confused.
"Well," he began carefully, "I-I told them about us." Before his words registered, he quickly added, "A-and they're okay with it."
For a brief moment in time I could swear things went dark. Once I understood the magnitude of what he was telling me, the room started spinning. He must have seen something wrong because he quickly got up and reached out to steady me. But his touch was not what I needed at the moment, so I slapped his hands away. There was fear in his eyes.
"You did WHAT?!" I shouted. But I didn't give him any time to respond. "Why the FUCK would you do something like that, Dominic?!" Now it wasn't fear in his eyes, it was absolute mortification.
"I-I-I," he stammered, visibly shaken. "It's not that I wanted to! Once I came out to them they started asking me all these questions, a-and it just slipped out."
"Oh it just slipped out?! Jesus Christ Dominic! Have you any idea what you've done?" I said still very angry. He mumbled something back but I wasn't paying attention. I started pacing back and forth and just kept repeating the same thing over and over: Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.
"Look, it is not that bad," he said as he forcefully grabbed hold of me so that I could look into his eyes. "Now we can come here and not have to hide. My parents are totally cool with it. Plus, I swear they won't tell anyone." Again I was ignoring what he was saying and vigorously freed myself from his grasp.
"God! Don't you get it Dominic? There's a reason our relationship was a secret! I'm not ready to come out! And now you've ripped that choice from me!" I said with a clenched jaw. I didn't understand how he could betray me like that. Even if, and that's a huge 'if', I wanted to come out to other people, it should have been up to me. He could come out to whomever he damned well pleased and I would somehow work around it. But he violated my right to do the same. My head began to throb. I started putting my shoes on.
"Where are you going?" He asked, obviously unhappy.
"I'm leaving. I can't be around you right now Dominic," I said.
"Come on, we have to talk about this! I know I might've screwed up, but we can deal with it," he pleaded.
"No we can't. You've done more than just fuck up Dominic. I can't believe you would do something so selfish," I said as I finished tying my shoes and started for the door.
"GODDAMNIT IT!" He screamed, startling me. He slammed the door, taking a stand between the only exit and me. Though he was clearly upset, there was also anger showing in his eyes. How can he be the one who's angry, I thought. "After all your rules, you have a lot of nerve to be calling me selfish! How can it be selfish when I did it for US?!" He continued.
"What, did you figure that if you came out for the both of us, we could finally have the type of relationship you've been hoping for?!" I asked incredulously. "How can we have been together all this time an d you still not understand that that's not what I want? That I CAN'T have a relationship like that!"
"God! I am sick and tired of you hiding behind your excuses!" He angrily responded. "Did you think I wanted to let down my parents by telling them I was gay? It wasn't easy for me either! But I was willing to do it for you so that we could be like a real couple and be truly happy! And you respond by acting like a jerk!"
Oh wow. He was totally missing the point. Even if I was the reason he was willing to tell his parents of his sexuality, I had no reason, not even my relationship with him, for doing the same. He didn't seem to understand that the love I had for him could be trumped. But he continued on his rant.
"You may be happy having to sneak off and use an itinerary to decide when we can see each other, but I'm not! You shouldn't be getting this mad when all I want to do is be with you more!" He said.
"So you respond by outing me to your parents?!" I shot back. "You could have come to me without having to ruin my life!" I was getting tired of all this. I tried to move him out of my way, but he wouldn't budge. In fact, he pushed me back a few feet.
"You're not leaving!" He yelled. We both glared at each other for a few moments before he continued a little more calmly. "You know what your problem is? You like to be alone. You try to use your intellect to come up with these grand ideas of Love and Relationships in order to try and justify the fact that you're scared. You've gotten so caught up in your theories that you've never bothered to step into the real world and see how things are. And you won't even consider the possibility that you're wrong! Well I got news for you: Love IS selfish, Love IS obsession, and Love IS worth risking everything over. God! I'm right here, ready to be with you, and you're too much of a pussy to take advantage!"
As he delivered his diatribe, I began wringing my hands. It was all I could do to keep from leaping forward and beating the living shit out of him. But a part of me, though not agreeing with his point of view, understood his anger. He had obviously bottled up all his feelings over the inadequacies of our relationship. But his attack on my "grand ideas" left a lot to be desired. Again, he missed an important point: ideas, feelings, and even personalities are the result of a silent, unremitting coercion of a culture; and not by a lifelong series of free decisions, as like he and most Americans typically believe. He was trying to wage an impossible war in the descriptive, rather than the normative plane. Because in the grand paradox of life, the way Love "is" entirely depends on personal beliefs and values, often resulting in very disparate but equally worthy ideals.
I felt I had done a lot to compromise between our differing sets of values: the serenade in the park being my coup de grace. So as the rage and the anger and the fury began to overflow in him, I found myself repelled. We had both done our parts, but for me it was enough. Not so for him. And he outed me as a result. It's amazing really: how such a powerful, magical, and great feeling he and I shared last night could be forgotten at the blink of an eye. How even Love, the noblest of things, can buckle given just enough pressure.
"Dominic, get out of my way," I said deliberately. He must have seen the force in my eyes. He may be bigger than me, but at that moment in time I felt I could toss someone twice his size. He didn't put up much of a struggle as I stormed past him and almost ran down the stairs. But I could hear him follow me in an equally blistering pace.
"Wait!" He said just as I was about to open the front door. "Can you be so heartless as to not care that I love you?" He asked, a wrenching venom seething in his voice. I took my hand from off the doorknob and turned around to face him.
"We may not see eye to eye on things Dominic. But there's at least one thing that we should be able to agree on; one fact that anyone not living in a dream world should be able to understand: Love isn't enough," I tried to say without my voice betraying how much pain I was in. He must not have liked my words.
As I was about to step onto the stoop and check to make sure there was no one out this early on a Saturday morning, he forcefully pushed me out of his house. "You know what? Fuck you Edwin," he said before he slammed the door.
I stood outside his house for a few minutes waiting for my tears that wouldn't come. I started walking the two miles to my house before suddenly taking a detour. As I just let my legs take me wherever they wanted, two thoughts continued to linger in my mind. The first dealt with Dominic: "ME ESTOY MURIENDO POR TU CULPA, POR TU CULPA/ SI ME ENGANABAS CON TU LABIA TRAICIONERA" [I am dying and it's your fault, your fault/ Yes you deceived me with your treacherous lips]. The second was a more personal apocalypse (Greek for "revelation"), courtesy of one Ms. Tina Turner: "What's love got to do with it?/ Who needs a heart/ When a heart can be broken?" After 20 minutes of numbed walking, I found myself in front of Gabriel's house, praying to God he would be home.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Author's Notes: Again, this wasn't exactly where I wanted to leave off the chapter, but it seemed like it would make a pretty natural break. I didn't get much mail from the last chapter, so I'm going to take that as a sign of encouragement: that I'm doing okay. But I do hope you guys will tell me what you think about this one, especially the intimate scene as this is my first stab at writing one. Believe me, I had to seduce a lot of random guys to be able to research that scene, so I'm hoping it was worth it... I'm just kidding! Jubilee.
edtimoria@hotmail.com