How?

Bec J: nite_painz@hotmail.com

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Title: How?

Alex had always been happy for Sasha. They were friends and that's what friends did. Through high times and low times Alex was always there and never thought twice about standing up for Sasha when she needed it.

Throughout High School and College, they had never been closer. They had drifted apart for three years when Alex moved to the other side of the country to continue her studies, while Sasha stayed put and `bummed around' as she jokingly put it.

Alex had moved back to town four years previous and they had picked up right where they had left off. It was like time hadn't changed a thing. They talked about old times and fell back into the groove they knew so well.

Alex hadn't had many girlfriends and when she did they were always serious relationships. Sasha had had more then she could count on her fingers and toes and they very rarely lasted more than a few months.

This sort of experience came in handy for the both of them. When Alex found she had her heart broken by yet another `potential,' Sasha calmed her with her words of wisdom about how to deal with it the black and white way. When Sasha had fucked another one of her many girlfriends off and couldn't figure out why they wouldn't let go as easy as she, Alex was there to remind her of how attached some people can get, and how it wasn't ALWAYS black and white.

The summer of 2010 was a time that Alex would never forget. She had just broken up with her girlfriend of a year and a half and as usual was crying in her vodka about how sad her life was and how she would never find anyone that knew anything about who she was, or what she wanted in life.

Sasha did her usual routine of `get the fuck over it and move on' and Alex was as usual, inconsolable.

"Seriously Alex, this happens every single time. You get attached way more than you should, and your world ends every time they leave." Commented Sasha.

"They don't understand how much time and effort it takes to be an artist." Replied Alex.

"It's not the sort of thing that I can turn around and say, OK my hours are 9 to 5, 5 days a week. It doesn't fucking work like that damnit!" She said in frustration.

"Well I get that. But that's only because I've known you for so many years that I know what it takes to do what you do. Maybe you have to give these women the benefit of the doubt, that if they're not in your line of work then maybe they CAN'T understand it." Sasha said as she took a sip of her drink.

"So what am I supposed to do then?" Alex asked, more to herself then to Sasha.

"Make sure every time I begin with someone new, tell them that my work comes first and will always come first? That's not a fair thing to say Sasha." Alex said.

"Well all that says to me is, you haven't found the right one yet obviously. If the people you have been with in the past were right for you, your work would still be important as anything, but it wouldn't come before your partner." Sasha replied.

"When you find the right one, and you will Alex, they will understand how important being an active artist is for you, without you ever needing to tell them." She stated.

Sometimes Alex hated when Sasha was right. She couldn't understand how someone that flitted from woman to woman, could sometimes hit the nail right on the head with how she was feeling at any moment about a relationship. Most people thought Sasha moved on to so many women because she didn't have a clue about how they worked at all.

Sasha knew how they worked alright, she was just scared as hell of committing to one of them.

"So anyway this is depressing so I'm changing the subject." Alex said.

"How are things going with Lisa?" She asked.

With her emerald green eyes quickly flashing away so they didn't meet Alex's, she replied.

"That's over too."

"Oh my God Sasha! What the hell happened to THAT one?" Alex asked in frustration.

"The same thing that always happens Alex. She wanted commitment and I didn't." Sasha said.

"I told her right from the word go that it was only a bit of fun, I was only after simple and fun. She said she was cool with that and then three months later she's asking me why I haven't called in four days and maybe we should consider moving in together and shit." Sasha explained.

"Once that was said, I was out." She said.

"You know one of these days, you're going to have to give getting serious with someone a chance." Alex said.

"I have a better chance of catching an STD then doing that." Sasha replied with a laugh.

"Well with the amount of women you've fucked I wouldn't be surprised if you already had half a dozen!." Alex retorted.

"Hey! Are you saying I'm an unclean woman Miss Alex?" Sasha asked mockingly.

"Well if the shoe fits..." She replied laughing hysterically.

With that Sasha got up and punched Alex jokingly in the arm and went to the bar to get two more drinks.

"Can I stay at your place?" Sasha slurred as they walked out of the bar.

Four and a half hours of heavy drinking with doubles and shots, and they were both plastered.

"Yeah for sure Sash, I'll hail a cab if I can stand a little more upright." Alex said with a laugh.

When they returned to Alexs' apartment they both fell in a heap on her bed. Sasha stayed over Alexs' place often and vice versa. When they went out drinking they usually crashed at whomever's place was closest at the time.

"Do you ever think that maybe to two of us are supposed to end up old and lonely, hanging out together and talking shit when we're 80 with hearing aids?" Alex asked as she could feel herself getting more sleepy.

"I think you're meant to end up with the whole package Alex. Marriage, kids, white picket fence, the whole lot." Sasha replied.

"Me, I'm meant to be the one that ends up old and lonely, complaining about having no one to complain to." Sasha laughed.

"Yeah well, I'll believe it when I see it." Alex yawned.

Sasha leaned over and put her head on Alexs' chest.

"Believe it, you're a good person and anyone would be lucky to have you. In time the right one will come along and you will be as gone with it as you can be. Nothing else will matter." Sasha said as she looked up.

With that comment, Sasha kissed Alex lightly on the lips. As friends they did this all of the time so it was no big deal. Only this time neither of them seemed to want to pull away. Alexs' head was spinning but she just went with the feeling of what was happening to her, and around her. She parted her lips slightly and felt Sashas' tongue run across her bottom lip. She moaned quietly and opened her mouth a little further to let Sashas' tongue enter. Their tongues danced around each other for a few minutes as they both groaned quietly at the amazing feel of it. Alex finally pulled away.

"Um, what the hell was that?" She asked.

"It wasn't bad, it definitely wasn't bad. But what was it?" She asked again.

Sasha shrugged.

"I dunno man, I'm pretty drunk and I know you're feeling down. Guess I am too about Lisa. Just trying to make us both feel better. It is what it is." Sasha said as she rolled over to go to sleep.

Alexs' head was still spinning. Almost 15 years of friendship and that had never happened between them. Sasha as always, being cool as a cucumber about it, Alex as always procrastinating until she finally fell into a drunken sleep.

The next morning Alex dragged her sorry arse out of bed to crawl into the shower with hangover in tow. When she re-emerged fresh and clean, but still feeling like a tonne of bricks had fallen on her head, Sasha was still passed out in the middle of the bed. Alex sat on the end of the bed and watched her sleep for a little bit. She remembered fully what had happened before they had gone to sleep. It was playing on her mind more than it should have been. Why was it a big deal? They were friends and granted that had never happened before but she knew that when Sasha woke up and she spoke to her about it, she would still shrug it off like it was nothing. That was what Sasha was like with these things. Shouldn't it make a difference that they were close friends though? Alex shook her head. She was over thinking things again and reading between the lines like she always did with everything in her life. It wasn't a big deal. They were friends and that's how it would stay. It didn't mean anything and life would go on like it always had.

"Get your lazy arse up woman I have to go to the studio." Alex said as she hit Sasha over the head with a pillow.

Sasha started awake with a fright and Alex laughed as she watched the realisation of the hangover hit Sasha with force.

"Mother fucker my head hurts!" Sasha called out.

"Got pain killers?" She asked.

"Yeah you know where they are. Jump in the shower and I'll make coffee." Alex replied.

When Sasha was finished she still looked crumpled. Alex laughed at her unmade hair, wrinkled clothes and just her general messiness.

"Even with a shower you still look like death warmed up." Alex said with a laugh.

"Yeah well this isn't my place woman." Sasha replied.

"If I had my own clothes and shit you know I would come outta there looking like a million dollars!" She yelled.

Sasha winced.

"Ok, Ok less yelling and more being quiet. The jackhammers in my head are having a field day. Maybe they should break for lunch soon or something." Sasha said with a chuckle.

Alex couldn't help but laugh. Sasha could make a joke out of anything. Particularly when she was in an uncomfortable situation, which made Alex think that maybe Sasha had remembered what had eventuated the night before. She gave Sasha two pain killers and watched as she washed them down with freshly made coffee. She laughed a little as Sasha winced tying her Auburn, wavy hair up with a hair tie.

"Look it's the best I can do not to crawl back in to bed and hide until this goes away." Sasha said with a giggle.

"Great friend you are, kicking me out in my time of need." She said.

"Well you know the rules missy." Alex replied.

"Either of us have to go to work and the other one needs to high tail it out the door at the same time. I wouldn't want you stealing my shit." Alex laughed.

"I can think of better things to steal Alex." Sasha replied with a smile.

"So I'm going to jump right into it. It's not a big deal I know, but I want to talk about what happened last night." Alex said.

"See this is your problem Alex, you always want to talk about everything. Dissect it and read too much into it." Sasha sighed.

"Ok maybe I do, do that. But this is a tad different Sash. We have been friends for 15 years and that has never happened so excuse me for wanting to talk about it." Alex replied defensively.

Sasha sighed again and threw her hands up.

"Ok Ok we'll discuss it. For me it just happened. No rhyme or reason it was just something that happened. Felt like the right thing to do at the time. I don't think it means anything and I don't feel any differently towards you about it." She said.

"Ok then we're agreed it's not a big deal." Alex said.

"Good. Can we stop talking about this now." Sasha replied.

"My head hurts and I should be getting home and getting ready for work anyway." She said.

"Sure ok consider it dropped." Alex said in frustration.

For a few weeks life went on as normal. Alex continued painting in her studio and procrastinating about when the right woman was going to waltz into her life and sweep her off her feet. Sasha continued developing her negatives in the lab and dropping her pants for every second woman that came along. Alex was at the gym after a hard day of not being in the right headspace to paint when her phone rang.

"Wanna hook up for a drink tonight? Same place same time?" Sasha asked on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah sure I'm free." Alex replied.

"Bad headspace today so I could use a few." She said.

"Okie doke I'll see you at 8." And with that Sasha hung up.

Alex went home and showered. When she decided to start getting ready she must have changed her outfit at least a dozen times before she decided on a pair of boot cut, tight jeans and a plain black button up shirt. What she wore had never mattered so much before but she put it down to not seeing Sash for a couple of weeks and wanting to make some sort of `my life is in order again' impression. She also couldn't figure out what to do with her hair. Tying it up didn't work, leaving it out didn't work. Sasha and Alex both had naturally wavy hair. Albeit Sasha's was Auburn and Alexs' was dark brown almost black. Eventually she put some styling gel in it and shook it around a bit and decided to leave it as it was. When she arrived at the bar she found Sasha sitting at a table in the back area.

"Hey good looking, ordered me a drink yet or what?" Alex asked.

"You know I'm good for it, it's on its' way." Sasha replied with a laugh.

As they sat and talked for awhile about the menial things of life, they got on to the subject of women as they always do.

"So how's it going on your end?" Sasha asked.

"Not too good." Alex replied.

"There have been a few interested women that come into the studio and the gallery but they're certainly not what I'm looking for." She said with a chuckle.

"Some of them I swear are ten years younger than me and they come in to check me out because they've heard in some college art class that I'm a lesbian." She said.

"So what's wrong with having someone younger?" Sasha asked.

"You never know, it could actually make you feel ten years younger." She said with a laugh.

"Sash I really don't see myself sleeping with some 18 or 19 year old and feeling invigorated by it. I would probably spend the whole time feeling guilty about whether she's told her parents she's gay or not or if she's still in the closet and just experimenting." Alex said.

"The last thing I need is to be somebodies experiment." She said with a sigh.

"You don't know what you're missing out on Alex." Sasha stated.

"The young ones are complete athletes in bed. They'll do anything and everything to please you because they're in awe of you being older and wiser and want to try and impress you." She laughed.

Alex shook her head.

"You're fucked in the head you know that right?" Alex said with a smirk.

"Not as fucked as you are woman." Sasha replied.

"Ok NEXT subject considering my love life is as sad as anything I've ever seen, how is yours going?" Alex asked.

"Well I have interesting news!" Sasha said as she hit the table with her hand.

"Righto spill." Alex said with enthusiasm.

"I've met someone. And not just anyone. The past few weeks we have been seeing each other have been the best few weeks I can remember in a long time." Sasha said with a big, wide grin.

"This is how it always starts with you Sash. And then within a month or two they ask you to take another step forward and you bail. That's who you are." Alex said cautiously.

"I don't know about this one though Alex. She's the first woman I've dated that works in my industry. Understands photography and what it takes to be brilliant at it. I met her downtown on a photo shoot and we haven't been able to stay away from each other since." Sasha said with a mischievous look in her eyes.

"Even to the point where I'm enjoying doing things with her that I don't normally like to do. Like cuddling after sex, letting her stay the night or me staying at her place without leaving at some ridiculous hour in the morning. And the sex Oh my God it's on another level entirely!." Sasha said with excitement.

Alex looked at her in astonishment. She had never heard Sasha talk about somebody like this ever. Alex could see just by looking at her she was completely wrapped up in this new, mysterious woman and wasn't going to let go any time soon.

"I don't know what to say to be honest." Alex said in amazement.

"You have never looked so taken by someone. This is a big step for you Sash." She said.

"I know!." Sasha exclaimed.

"This is the first time in my life I'm actually considering bringing a U-haul on our next date and moving in with her." She said with a laugh.

Alex laughed. She couldn't help it. Sasha was growing in front of her eyes and she was as happy as she could be about it.

"So when do I get to meet her then?" Alex asked.

"Well! Here's the thing. You can cook and I can't." Sasha chuckled.

"I wanted to invite her to your place so she can get to know you and you can cook an awesome dinner because I don't know how to." She laughed again.

"I'm glad that you see me as your personal chef you bitch." Alex said mockingly.

"Well I want to impress her and I know you will do that with your personality alone, but a little awesome food on the side never hurt anyone." Sasha laughed.

"Ok well shall we make it for next week? I'm free on Tuesday." Alex stated.

"Tuesday sounds like a plan." Sasha replied.

All through the week Alex was stressing out about meeting Sashas new girlfriend. She didn't know what to cook, what to wear or even what wine to buy. Sasha wasn't helping either when the only text messages Alex was getting from her included oh my god she just sent me this text and it's sooooo cute,' or work is taking forever I just want to get home and crawl into bed with her she's so amazing!' Alex didn't even know her name for God's sake! Tuesday came around quicker than Alex had anticipated. She had decided to go Italian and cook a big pot of Spaghetti with Red Wine. The only thing that could go wrong with that, was if this new woman was a vegetarian and Sasha had failed to mention it which realistically Alex doubted, but you never knew. Sasha and her new girlfriend showed up right on time. Alex answered the door bell and was amazed at the sexiness of the woman standing in front of her. Long Blonde hair, piercing ice blue eyes and a slim, taught body to die for. Alex wasn't normally in to blondes but she couldn't help but look twice at this woman.

"Alex this is Rikki, Rikki Alex." Sasha said as she lead Rikki in though the front door.

Alex shook Rikkis' hand as they exchanged pleasantries and Rikki told Alex about what a nice home she thought she had.

"Well I've made Spaghetti for the night to have with some Red Wine. Are there any objections?" Alex asked.

"No not at all. I love Italian." Rikki replied.

Alex didn't have to ask Sasha, she had known her long enough to know that she liked Italian as much as she did.

As they sat down to eat dinner, Alex asked Rikki all of the usual questions you ask when someone new comes in to your life. Where she worked, what she did and how much she loved doing it and the like. The whole time Sasha sat there staring at Rikki all doe eyed with a goofy smile on her face and Alex couldn't find it anything but comical. She had never seen Sasha in to someone so bad. Alex found out that like Sasha, Rikki was a photographer and happened to work at a rival magazine. This didn't seem to be a problem for the both of them though which seemed like a good thing. She had moved interstate to start her life over again after a bad break up with a woman she thought was `the one.' She had been single and loving it for over a year and then stumbled upon Sasha at a photo shoot and like Sasha was with her, couldn't keep away. Rikki commented on the fact that she must be wiggling her way inside Sasha somehow because she had taken the step of introducing her to her best friend, which from what Rikki knew, Sasha rarely did.

"Yes well I've met a lot of Sashas girlfriends." Alex commented.

"But never a sit down affair like this. I usually meet them in passing because we will be out somewhere having a drink and one of them will walk past. I think she only introduces them then, because she feels she has to." Alex said with a laugh.

"Well you're not far from the truth there." Sasha laughed as well.

"I generally don't think they're worth introducing because I never keep them around long enough. You though, you're different." Sasha said as she glanced over at Rikki with that doe eyed look again.

"Well I would like to think I was different." Rikki replied as she stared hard at Sasha.

"I would hate to think that you would go to all of this trouble of introducing me to your friends and making them cook for you, just to break up with me tomorrow." She laughed.

"Not a chance." Sasha replied.

After dinner they headed out on to the balcony to have a cup of coffee before heading home. Rikki excused herself to go to the bathroom to freshen up, which gave Alex a chance to talk to her friend about how serious this thing was.

"You are really, really falling for her aren't you?" Alex asked.

"Yeah I actually think I am." Sasha replied.

"She's the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. When I'm not with her I miss her like you wouldn't believe!" She sighed.

"Is that what it's like for you, with your past girlfriends?" Sasha asked .

"With some of them yes, not every one I've ever been with." Alex replied.

"There have been only a few that I felt that way about. Never one that I felt it so strongly with as you do though." She said.

"It's a powerful feeling. Be careful with it, don't set yourself up for something you're not ready for." Alex warned.

"I don't understand." Sasha stated.

"What I mean is, these are all new feelings for you. Being swept away, opening yourself up. These are things that you normally don't do and I know it's a defensive mechanism so you don't get hurt." Alex said with a sigh.

"Be careful that you don't get hurt out of this because you think you're ready and then you wake up one day and realise that you're not. If you've opened up, it won't be as easy to get out of the situation like you have done with others in the past." Alex said.

"It's not like that Alex, she's really important to me and I won't let that happen. I can't believe you even think you have to say that." Sasha was getting defensive.

"No need to get pissed off at me. I'm just saying I know what you're like." Alex said in surprise.

"Yeah well don't say it. There are things that happen in life that you can't do anything about. So you wait around and you wait around for something and you can only wait so long. Then someone comes along that changes everything." Sasha said angrily as she got up out of her chair.

"What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?" Alex could feel the anger rising in herself.

How could a simple, friendly conversation turn into this? She was lost and had no idea what was going on.

"It doesn't matter what it means." Sasha said flatly.

"I'm gonna take Rikki and head home. This is pointless." She said as she moved towards the balcony door.

"What is pointless Sasha? If you tell me what the hell you're talking about then maybe I can have my say on the matter instead of you walking out of here pissed off and then not talking to me for a damn week!" Alex said in anger.

Sasha stopped, turned around to face Alex and Alex realised she had never seen her so hurt. Alex had no idea what she had done to her except give her a simple, friendly warning about opening herself up to someone so soon.

"What is pointless Alex is the fact that I can't wait around any longer." Sasha sneered.

"It's pointless that I like you, maybe even love you and have done for more years than I can count. I've seen you go from relationship to relationship and every single one of them have never been good enough for you no matter how they twist and tangle to suit you and what you need." She said with words full of emotion.

What the hell was going on? Alex had never even had the slightest inkling that Sasha felt that way about her. She guessed that if it was true, Sasha was extremely talented at hiding it. Alex was very intuitive but definitely not with this development.

"Hang on just a damn minute." Alex said in awe.

"When did all of this start?" She asked in shock.

"It doesn't matter when it started!" Sasha exclaimed.

"The point is I've seen it. I see what you do when you get a hold of someone or they get a hold of you. No one is ever good enough for you so why would I be?" Sasha asked with hurt in her voice.

"I know we're best friends but I'm always going to be the girl that sleeps with everything that moves to you. You want the whole package so I knew you would never look twice at me because I've never settled and I've never been with someone for more than a few months." She said, letting it all pour out.

"You are downright serious right from the word go. You want it all right then and there and I've never been that type of person so I knew never to say anything to you because what was the point? You would just shoot me down and tell me that I of all people, would be completely inadequate and wrong for you." Sasha sighed.

Alex was still standing against the balcony wrung completely in shock. She couldn't believe that she had never had a clue, not one clue about any of this and couldn't figure out how she could be so stupid. Sasha was definitely a talented cover up. Sasha continued pouring her heart out on the table while Alex stood there dumb founded.

"I took a chance that night when I kissed you. I knew that if it didn't go well I could always cover up and say that I was drunk and it didn't mean anything, which the next day is exactly what I did." She said almost as if in shame.

"But I never pulled away from you when you did it." Alex stated when she found her voice again.

"I kissed you back. I pulled away at the end but I did kiss you back for a long while. And I told you it wasn't a bad thing. How did you interpret that as not going well?" Alex asked.

"The more I kept going, the more scared I got that I would start, I dunno lifting your shirt up or something and feeling you up and it would go too far and you would tell me to stop. Then I would have just been mortified and wouldn't have known how to face you after that." Sasha said as she looked away so as not to meet Alexs' eyes.

"After it happened it was just easier to do my usual routine the next day of shrugging it off like it didn't matter but then you wanted to talk about it and procrastinate like you do so I cut the conversation off and ran." She said humbly.

"I sleep my arse around with every thing that moves because I don't know, I guess I was waiting for you to notice me. Even though I know I never did anything to give you the impression that I liked you in any way other than a friend. I guess I thought you would just fall into my lap." Sasha confessed.

"Then I kissed you and I knew you didn't get the hint from that so I decided to give up and start giving something with someone else a serious go. Rikki came along and I'm lucky enough that she's great and I really want to."

"I know I didn't do anything to move the situation forward, but I guess I just got tired of waiting for you to fall into my lap." She said with a sigh.

Alex stood there for a minute trying to take stock of all that was happening around her. She was as confused as ever about how to move forward from this moment. The only thing that began to rise in her was hurt and anger.

"You lied to me. All of these years you let me talk to you about every failure, every short coming and every problem I had with a relationship and you never uttered a word!" Alex said in anger.

"And THEN you wait until someone comes along and sweeps you off your feet before you decide to tell me, so I have no recourse!" She was beginning to raise her voice more than she wanted to.

"I am now stuck in a position where because of your relationship with Rikki, I can't comment on anything you've said. I can't tell you how I feel about it, what I want to move forward from this, nothing. Fuck you for doing that to me Sasha!" She yelled.

Sasha yelled back.

"Well none of that matters anymore! I've found someone who cares about me for me, all of my faults and all of my weaknesses without the judgement!"

"I've always cared about you in that way! I've never judged you for what you've done in the past or the present!" Alex screamed.

"Just get out, you're the last person I want to see right now. I can't believe you have left this to the point where I don't get to say anything about it and then when I tell you I want to, you tell me it doesn't matter. Get out." Alex said in exhaustion.

Sasha stormed off inside and grabbed her things. Rikki exited the bathroom and was surprised to see Sasha grab her by the arm and take her out the front door. Alex and Sasha didn't talk for a month.

Alex decided that if Sasha was good at it, she could be too. She spent the next few weeks heading out to bars, picking up random women and getting far too drunk. Some of them she could barely remember until the next morning when it all came flooding back and she just wanted to kick them out on their arses. She attempted to get over herself and text Sasha more than once but she never heard anything back. She tried calling and it always went to voicemail. She decided in a drunken stupor one night to write her a letter. Four days later it was sent back to her mailbox with `return to sender' written all over it in Sashas' handwriting. Short of turning up at Sashas' lab, there wasn't too much else she could do.

She went out that evening and decided to drown her sorrows again with far too much vodka and not enough sense. She picked up a nice looking red head and decided to take her home. Alex decided once they got through the front door not to waste any time on pleasantries. She didn't know her name and she didn't care. That wasn't the point of any of this. The point was to wash Sasha out of her mind. It hadn't worked in the past month but she was convinced that if she did it enough, it would.

She threw the stranger onto the middle of her bed as she began to unbutton her top. Frustrated that she was drunk and fumbling, half way down she decided just to rip the rest of it open. The red head grunted in excitement as Alex began kissing her way over her stomach up to the bottom of her bra line.

"My name is Fiona by the way." She said breathlessly.

"I don't care." Alex breathed in between kisses as she lifted her back off the bed to unclip her bra.

Her milky white breasts fell out of the cups as Alex placed her hand over the left one. Fiona started to breathe heavily and moan as Alex found her way to her right nipple. She grazed over it gently with her teeth then decided to bite down. Not too hard but hard enough for Fiona to get the idea that this wasn't going to be gentle. She felt Fiona arch beneath her as she sucked roughly on her nipple. She moved her right hand down over her stomach to the top of her jeans. Fiona reached up to start unbuttoning Alexs' shirt and Alex stopped her.

"This isn't about me." She said roughly.

She reached down and stripped off Fionas' jeans and g-string. She was trying to concentrate but all she kept doing was berating herself for bringing home a red head when she was trying to get Sasha out of her mind. Fiona the red head was not helping with that in the least.

"Uh you're so hot I just want your tongue all over me." Fiona breathed.

Alex took her cue and dove in. She ran her tongue up and over her thighs until she reached the sweet spot between Fionas' legs. Fiona called out suddenly when she ran her tongue heavily over her clit. Alex could feel how wet she already was on the bottom of her chin. Against her better judgement this excited her beyond belief. She continued to lick and suck her way all around Fiona until she heard her call out and arch her back. She quivered slightly and fell back against the bed as Alex made her way back up to her top. She kissed Fiona fiercely so she could taste herself and enjoyed the feel of her tongue against the other womans'. Just as she was about to slide two fingers into Fionas' hot, wet opening her doorbell rang.

"What the hell it's like 3am?!" Alex said puzzled.

"Just ignore it I want you to fuck me like there's no tomorrow." Fiona breathed.

"I can't ignore it. No one calls on me this late unless there is a problem or an emergency." Alex said hurriedly as she made her way off the bed.

"Just pull the sheet over yourself and hopefully I'll be right back." She said with a wink.

"By all means keep yourself entertained." She said cheekily as she walked out.

Alex went to the bathroom to wash up quickly as the doorbell kept ringing in her head.

"I'm coming damnit!" She called out as she made her way to the door.

When she opened it she was surprised and utterly speechless to see Sasha standing in her doorway. She could see that she was upset about something and her automatic reaction was to grab her and hold her, and tell her that no matter what it was, it was going to be ok. She would make it ok. But then the thoughts of being ignored by her for a month came quickly flooding back so what came out of her mouth was defensive and mean.

"What the fuck do you want?" Alex asked scornfully.

Sasha stared at her for a moment and then began to cry. Alex sighed. She couldn't stay mad at her when she was like this. Sasha rarely cried so it must have been something big for her to be here on her doorstep at almost four in the morning crying.

"Come in and tell me what's up. I'll put on coffee." She said as she made her way to the kitchen.

Sasha sat on the lounge and stared at the wall, at nothing in particular. Alex had all but forgotten about Fiona until she heard the bedroom door open.

"Everything ok sexy? When are you heading back in here to finish me off?" She asked.

Fiona stopped in her tracks when she saw the other woman sitting on the couch.

"Oh shit." Alex said in surprise.

"Come with me." She said as she gestured to head back into the bedroom.

Sasha stood up with a look of pure hatred on her face.

"No it's fine, I can see that you are well and truly occupied with more important things. I'll make my own way out." She said as she stomped her way towards the door.

"No, you will wait right there." Alex said sternly.

"Fiona grab your things. What I have to do here is important and it can't wait. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Alex said, trying to sound caring but not really giving a damn about what Fiona was going to do.

"Do you have a shirt I could borrow?" Fiona asked timidly.

"A shirt. What for?" Alex asked slightly puzzled.

"Well, you kind of ripped mine off. There's not a lot of buttons left on it." She said sheepishly.

"Oh. Right." Alex stated, feeling herself blushing at the thought of what she did.

"Bottom draw on the left. I'll see you out when you're dressed." She said as Fiona headed back into the room and closed the door.

"You ripped her shirt off?" Sasha asked with sarcasm.

"Well I see you're moving up in the world. So how long have you two been together?" She asked with contempt.

"Only tonight. Not that it's any of your fucking business Sasha." Alex replied with the same tone.

"Well now, that's not like you at all! Guess you really have been changing it up." Sasha said almost through clenched teeth.

"Listen here, you're the one who rocked up on MY doorstep at some ridiculous hour crying and wanting to come in. You don't get to judge and comment on who's here and what the hell it is I'm doing with them." Alex said with a raised voice.

Sasha was going to come back with a reply when Fiona entered back through the kitchen.

"I'm sorry about tonight Fiona, if you leave your number with me I'll give you a call when all of this is sorted out. If nothing else, then to get my shirt back." Alex said with a laugh.

Fiona wrote down her number on the pad next to the phone. Alex even thought it was cute that she drew a love heart over the `I' in her name.

"I look forward to hearing from you." Fiona purred.

"It was fun until we had to stop." She said as she exited the front door.

Alex grabbed the fresh pot of coffee and two mugs and headed over to the couch. She placed the items on the coffee table and began pouring out the freshly brewed, bitter smelling liquid into the mugs. Sasha was still staring off into space.

"So why are you here at this ridiculous hour?" Alex asked trying to take the defensiveness out of her voice. She wasn't doing so well with that.

"Rikki broke it off with me." Sasha stated flatly.

Alex sat there and stared at her, waiting for more of an explanation to come forth.

"She gave me the key to her apartment. Said she knew that I wasn't one for moving in and such so she said it was a baby step that she thought I could handle." Sasha said as she stared at the wall.

"I kept it on my bedside table for two weeks. Just stared at it and didn't do anything about it and then one night when she said she was staying late at work I thought I'd take the step and use it. Be there waiting for her to get home because I was ready you know?" She said, starting to get teary.

"So I go over there, enter quietly. I go into the bedroom to drop my bag on the bed and here she is, legs up around her ears and some guy is balls deep in her." Sasha stated crudely.

Alex winced. She knew that would have been hard for anyone's partner to see, but especially Sasha. The one that didn't settle and the one that slept around finally taking a huge step in her life to change it and then having to have it shattered by seeing that. Alex put her arm around Sashas' shoulder.

"I'm sorry Sash. That would be harsh for anyone to see. I'm so sorry you had to be a witness to that." She said with pure sympathy for her good friend.

"When she finally cleaned herself up and came out she gave me some big bullshit spiel about how she always knew she was gay and then this new lab tech started at her work and they just `instantly clicked' or some shit." She said with distaste.

"She said she was in total shock because she'd never looked twice at men but she couldn't resist him and didn't know how to tell me but she had been planning on telling me for a week or so." She said as she started to cry again.

Alex hugged her best friend.

"You really liked her I know that. It's probably going to be hard for you for a while but don't give up what you're trying to change Sash." Alex said.

"Please don't let this deter you from moving forward. You don't really want to go back to sleeping around and having it mean nothing you know?" She said.

"Well it looks like that's what you're doing." Sasha stated flatly.

"I know this is a hard time for you, but again what I'm doing is none of your business." Alex replied, getting defensive again.

Sasha put her head in her hands. Alex cared about her so much. She had come to realise in the weeks that they weren't speaking, a hell of a lot more than she thought she ever could. Sasha was the one that slept around, she was the one that wouldn't settle and wasn't stable. Alex realised it may have been just because she couldn't have the one that was right for her. Alex had come to the realisation that she did love Sasha, more than a friend and ironically she had ended up doing the same thing. Running around picking up whoever she could to try and get the thoughts of her out of her mind. Thoughts of her naked, skin against her own. Her hot breath on the back of her neck. Alex sub-consciously touched her lips at the thought of the kiss they shared which seemed like years ago now. Alex shook her head to get rid of the thoughts. Now was not the time or the place. Her best friend was upset and in need of a friend to comfort her. A friend. That was all Alex could be right now and she was going to do as best she could at it.

"I was trying to set myself up for you." Sasha whispered in defeat.

"What?" Alex said, back into her headspace of being puzzled again.

"Even after our fight, even after I stopped talking to you. I pushed myself and I pushed myself with Rikki because I was still trying to set myself right for you." Sasha started to get teary eyed again.

"But this..." Alex started.

"Let me finish." Sasha said.

Alex sat quiet and gave Sasha what she had asked for.

"I liked Rikki, I really did I can't lie about that. But I guess I knew it wasn't going to be a forever thing. But I thought to myself that if I could get it right with her, even if it was only for a little while, I would be better set up to tell you I wanted to have a shot at something with you." Sasha said quietly, almost timidly as if she was scared of what Alex would say to her statement.

Alex sat and stared at her friend. She knew she felt incredible new feelings for Sasha, but she didn't want to move anywhere with them while she was in such a fragile state of affairs. Sasha turned around on the couch and kissed Alex hard. It took Alex by surprise so much that she really didn't have time to react. She fell into step as easily as she would have with someone she had been dating for years. She opened her mouth and let Sasha enter. She moaned heavily as she felt Sashas' tongue wrap around her own.

Sasha let out a groan from deep in her throat when Alex gently bit her bottom lip and ran her tongue around it. The kiss continued deeper and deeper, more passionate as the minutes passed. Alex had never felt like this when she had kissed someone. She had never felt such an incredible, electric connection as she was feeling right at that moment. All of her senses were alight as she rolled Sasha over onto her back and lay on top of her. She gently ran her tongue up the side of Sashas' neck to her earlobe. She could feel her pulse quicken under her tongue movements. She bit into the curve of Sashas' neck where it met between her spine and shoulder. Sasha let out the sexiest noise Alex had ever heard when she did this. It was Alexs' turn to kiss her hard. She plunged her tongue into her mouth and was all consumed with Sashas' passion. Lost in the world and mouth of Sasha, Alex had a sudden realisation. If she was any sort of friend at all, she wouldn't be doing this right now. Alex pulled away without hesitation as Sasha stared at her in confusion.

"I shouldn't be doing this." Alex said breathlessly as she sat up and moved to the other end of the couch.

"Why not? I know you just felt what I felt Alex, you can't hide it." Sasha said, completely breathless herself.

"I did. I'm definitely not going to lie about it but I can't do this now. You've just broken up with Rikki and you're still upset. You can't sit here and tell me that being with her meant nothing and it doesn't count. Five minutes after you break up with her I'm not going to attempt getting in your pants, even if you want me to." Alex said.

Sasha instantly went on the defensive.

"So even though this is something I want and I'm consenting with no hesitation, and I know you want it too because I could feel it, you're not going to do anything about it?" She said scornfully.

"Um, yeah. That's right." Alex replied carefully.

"Well this is just great!" Sasha said loudly as she threw her hands up in the air.

"Not only is it fucked with Rikki, I fuck it with you too. I can't fucking win I swear!" She yelled.

"Sasha stop!" Alex yelled back.

"I'm not saying I don't want to. I'm just saying I don't want to now damnit! It's just the wrong timing." She said frustrated.

She was frustrated that Sasha could be so damn pig headed, frustrated that she was wet like never before and couldn't do anything about it as much as she wanted to and frustrated that she needed her so badly but was forcing herself to say no. Sasha stood up and grabbed her things off the table.

"I'm gonna go." She stated flatly.

"I've made a complete arse of myself and don't really want to be here around you right now." Sasha said as she headed for the door.

"Damnit don't do this Sash! Don't walk away from this because of a little embarrassment!." Alex said again in frustration.

"We can work this out if only you don't walk away from me!."

"This is what I do, right Alex?" Sasha asked with sarcasm.

"I bail, this is what I do. Guess I'm just living up to my reputation." And with that Sasha slammed the door and left.

Alex sat back down on the couch. She threw her coffee mug across the room and watched it crack and bounce off the wall. Why was this so fucking hard? They were friends and that had never been a hard thing. It was one of the easiest things in her life that Alex had going for her but now it was all fucked up and messy and she hated it. She decided to clean up the mess in the morning and headed to bed. Her room still smelt like Fiona and her sex from a moment that didn't seem so long ago. Before all of the drama. It didn't help towards the sleepless few hours she knew she was going to have.

For a week Alex heard nothing. She went back to texting Sasha everyday and trying to call her but all attempts were ignored. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat. All she could think about was Sasha. The feel of her underneath her, the smell of her skin and her mouth against hers. Maybe she had fucked up by not taking it further. Maybe she had missed any opportunity she was ever going to have with her now, by not going with it when it happened. She went to her studio in the morning and ended up leaving at the end of the day frustrated and angry. She couldn't paint because she couldn't get her out of her head. She couldn't concentrate and separate it and she fucking hated it. Painting was her release when things got too hard to handle. Sasha was invading that and if she couldn't paint she didn't know what else she could do bar drinking it away which also didn't help. Alex ordered pizza that evening and jumped in the shower. She thought about going to the gym after closing the studio but going home and pigging out on junk food seemed like a better idea. As she got out of the shower the doorbell rang. She grabbed the money out of her wallet and headed for the front door. When she opened the front door she was surprised to see Sasha standing there with the pizza box in one hand, and a bunch of flowers in the other. A girlish grin on her face.

"What the hell..." Alex trailed off.

"You can't keep fucking off on me Sash and then just showing up whenever..."

Sasha cut her off mid sentence by giving her a long, deep kiss that almost knocked Alex off her feet.

"Now the bottom of this box is burning my hand, so you can either let me in or leave me standing out here looking like an idiot. By the way, you don't get your pizza if you leave me standing out here." Sasha said with a giggle.

Alex let her through her door and Sasha handed her the flowers and went and threw the pizza box in the bin.

"Again, what the hell?" Alex asked as she pointed to the bin.

Sasha sauntered over to her and took her by the hands.

"Alex, I fucked up big time." She stated.

"I want to make a go of it with you, I want to do it now and I want to do it right. I bought you over flowers, I'm nicely dressed and I threw your shitty pizza in the bin because I want you to go and get dressed so I can take you out on a date." Sasha said with a huge grin.

"I know I walked out and it was wrong, I was embarrassed and I didn't know what else to do but God help me I'm trying to make this right." Sasha said with all of the emotion she could muster.

Alex stared at her friend and soon to be lover. She knew that would happen because as pissed off as she was at Sasha for disappearing, she knew she wouldn't be able to stay away from her for much longer.

"You need to go and get dressed." Sasha said as she squeezed her hands.

"I'm getting lost in your deep, brown eyes and I won't take you out at all if I stand here doing it for much longer. So go." She said as she moved off to sit on the couch.

Alex went into her room and stood at the door of her wardrobe trying to figure out what to wear. It suddenly seemed important. Like the most important thing she had ever done in her life. She must have been standing there for a good 15 minutes before she felt soft, warm hands and arms wrap around her bare waist. She automatically leaned back into Sasha as she felt her mouth touch the side of her neck. She moaned quietly as Sash began to kiss her lightly up and down her jaw line.

"I decided I couldn't wait." Sasha said breathlessly.

"Four years is long enough." And with that Sasha turned Alex around to face her.

"Why didn't you tell me it had been so long?" Alex asked.

"Shhh." Sasha replied and kissed her long and hard.

She moved Alex over to the bed. Alex decided that she would let Sasha have her way with her. She had been waiting just long enough as she had said, and Alex didn't want to wait any longer to feel Sash inside of her. Alex began to pull Sashas' shirt over her head. She unclipped her bra and watched as her perfect, C cup breasts succumbed to gravity and dipped slightly into her waiting hands. She sighed with pleasure as she ran her tongue over her hardening nipples. She could feel that she was already immensely wet but knew that was only the beginning. Sasha took over from Alex, knelt down on the bed until she was above her. She filled her mouth with Alexs' left breast as she moaned in ecstasy at the feel of her tongue flicking across her nipple. It instantly went hard under her working tongue.

"I want you naked." Alex said completely taken and breathless.

"It's all I've been able to think about." She said.

With that cue, Sasha stood up and stripped off her pants and underwear. She lay back on top of Alex and she sighed heavily as she finally got to feel her full, naked body against her own. Sasha kissed her tenderly and softly as she moved her thigh between her legs. She gasped out loud at the feel of how wet Alex was. She could already feel it running over her leg. Alex smiled seductively at her and began to run herself up and down Sashas' leg. Moaning at the incredible feel of it while Sasha was kissing her, licking her neck, shoulders and chest, biting her ever so softly. Alex didn't think she could take much more teasing so she began to push Sashas' head down to between her legs.

Sasha knew right away what she wanted and didn't hesitate in the least.

"I know you're going to taste fantastic." She groaned on her way down.

Alex felt herself tighten at the sound of those words. It turned her on beyond all belief that Sasha had ever thought about things like that in regards to her. She now knew she thought about them often which turned her on even more. Alex called out in pure pleasure when she finally felt Sashas' tongue find her swollen, pulsing button. She slowly ran her tongue up and down, side to side until Alex thought she would explode. Sasha only ever applied enough pressure to get her to the edge but no more than that. It was frustrating, it was hard but it was incredible. Just as Alex was on the verge of coming again, Sasha stopped and made her way back up to meet Alex face to face.

"Oh my God why did you stop?! You're extremely frustrating you know that?" Alex said, out of breath again.

"Oh I know." Sasha replied with a wide grin.

Sasha kissed her hard, letting her own juices flow into her mouth. She loved the way she tasted, especially coming from Sasha. She moaned into her mouth and felt her back automatically arch when Sasha finally entered her with two fingers and then three. She cried out as Sash slowly pulled out and pushed into her deep and hard, but always excruciatingly slow.

"I'm gonna make you come slow and hard Alex. I had to wait and so can you." Sasha breathed seductively into her ear and she pushed into her slowly again.

Listening to her almost sent her over the edge. She knew that she wanted this just as much as Sasha and didn't know how much longer she could hold on with her fucking her this way. Alex began to push her hips into Sasha, trying to make her go faster but to no avail. She could see that Sasha just wanted to pound her for all she was worth but she was very good at restraining herself. Slowly, slowly Sasha continued to enter her. Deeper and deeper until Alex could feel the warmth starting to build from her stomach downwards between her legs.

"Oh God I'm gonna come!" Alex exclaimed breathlessly.

For the final time Sasha entered her and as she found the deepest point, slowly began to flick her fingers back and forth in a `come hither' motion. Once she began that, Alex couldn't hold on any longer. It was such an intense feeling that she let go completely. She cried out for all she was worth as wave after wave of fantastic orgasm washed over her. She had never felt anything as intense as this in all of her sexual life. Sasha kept her fingers inside of her until she felt her relax and stop tightening around her. When Alex slowly released her grip, Sasha withdrew and lay on top of her kissing her softly, gently and smiling at her every chance she got.

"That was...that was incredible. I can't even begin to explain..." Alex trailed off as she closed her eyes and lived the moment.

"I know it was." Sasha said with another smile.

"That was years of pent up sexual energy all for you." She laughed.

"It was hard to keep it slow but I was determined." She said.

Within five minutes Alex was asleep. It was the easiest she had fallen to sleep in over a week. When she awoke Sasha was laying on her side staring at her, running her hands through her thick, brown hair.

"I think we're either going to have to get the pizza out of the bin, or order a new one." Sasha said as she stared lovingly into Alexs' eyes.

Alex just laughed. She couldn't help it. Sasha could make a joke out of anything.