CHAPTER 10-
A couple of days later the boys went clubbing in New York City. The city had some of the most amazing places to go at night. Good music and beautiful people all night long.
The boys were a little disguised, just in case some crazy fan would run into them. But this didn't happen and they were really having a good time dancing and enjoying the most of it.
"Hey, look at her!" - Nick screamed into Brian's ear so that he could hear him through the loud music.
"Who?"
"The brunette next to the bar!"
"Which one?" - Brian was looking in the direction Nick was pointing.
"The one on the right with a black skirt and and a black top. Oh, God, she has a belly button ring! Yummy!"
Brian laughed.
"Oh, Nick. If you don't go get her I swear I will!"
Nick looked at him and grinned.
"I'm going, Brian, wish me luck!"
"Luck, buddy."
Brian smiled as he saw Nick going away towards the hot girl.
From where he was Brian could see Nick talking to her during five minutes, in which they laughed and eyed each other. Oh, yes, she was into him too. A little after that Nick passed by Brian linking fingers with the girl.
Nick winked to him and his mouth moved in silence forming the words: "Don't wait for me tonight!"
Brian giggled and wacthed him go.
Soon Brian ran into the other fellows dancing there and they clubbed a little more before Brian decided he would go home. He was tired, just not in the mood to go on dancing. Especially when his best friend had gone away. He wasn't the kind of boy to be alone in these kinds of places. For sure he still had AJ, Howie and Kevin, but AJ was the one type that once you get into the nightclub with you can forget about him. Howie was so into this sexual dance with a hot dancer and Kevin just offered to go back with Brian.
Once they got to the hotel Kevin went to the room he was sharing with Howie and AJ and Brian went back to the one he had with Nick.
Inside Brian changed cloths slowly, brushed his teeth and his hair. He could have watched some TV if he wasn't so damn tired, so that he just went to bed. Brian put himself under the sheets and closed his eyes.
He was probably sleeping for one hour when he heard Nick coming back, turning the lights on, making some noise in the bathroom and finally coming back to lie on the bed.
As he also put himself under the sheets Brian muttered without turning around.
"Got lucky?"
He heard Nick grinning.
"Yeah!"
Brian smiled.
"But did you... hm?"
"Oh, no. Not this!" - Nick quickly answered. - "But still a wonderful night."
"Ok, Nick. Good night then."
"Night, Brian. Sorry waking you up."
"Nothing buddy. Tomorrow we talk more."
"Sure." - Nick smiled to a sleeping Brian as he also turned around and slept.
Loud music. People talking. God, he was tired, all he wanted was to go home. Where was Nick? Oh, he was out with some brunette. He could sleep now.
Oh, but he couldn't manage to get away of that crowded night club. All those people making this foggy scene.
Brian wondered if he had had something to drink. Probably because he couldn't seem to walk properly. Maybe he just needed to rest his body a little.
Oh, God, why couldn't he sleep? Where was everyone? He was sure he had come back to the hotel. Brian remembered he had slept. Yeah, he also saw Nick arriving.
Oh, ok. Everything matched now. He was asleep.
But then what was this noise he was hearing? And why wouldn't it stop?
Brian concentrated in his sleep but the sound was to fuzzy.
Ok, now he was confused! Was this sound coming from his dream or, or... or was he awake??
Brian rolled on the bed a little, he needed to wake up and see where this sound was coming from.
Slowly Brian rolled a little on the bed and opened his eyes. The sound was clear now. It sounded as someone's laments. Someone was crying.
Still drowsly Brian looked for Nick and found him sat on the bed beside him. His head buried in his hands. He was crying.
"Hm..." - Brian managed to sit close to him. Nick didn't even hear him, he was still crying his eyes out in his hands.
"Nick..." - Brian reached out his hand to touch his back.
Scared Nick jumped at the touch and looked at Brian with wide eyes.
"Oh, God... I'm so sorry I woke you up..." - Brian's eyes were swollen from the sleep, but he could still be shocked seeing Nick's. His eyes were swollen too, they were red from him crying. Right now Brian just wish he knew how long he had been there crying.
"Nick, its ok..." - Brian kept running his hand over his back and Nick was again with his head in his hands, crying silently now. - "What happened, friend? Did you have another nightmare?"
"No." - Nick answered.
Ok, now Brian was scared. What happened?
"Then what...? Does it have something to do with the girl from the nightclub?"
Nick looked at Brian again.
"No... she was great. Karla was great. She was wonderful...!"
Brian cleaned Nick's tears.
"Then what happened, Nick?"
"Nothing." - Nick said staring at the sheets.
"How come nothing? Nick..." - Brian pleaded smoothing him softly.
"Brian, I... I wanna talk about it."
"About what?"
"I wanna talk about what happened that day. I wanna talk about Taison."
"Oh." - Brian took his hand away and stared at Nick.
Brian did want him to open up, but he just wasn't sure this was the best moment. Nick had been crying a lot, he was fragile. Maybe it wouldn't be good for him to open this scar now. Brian was afraid it would bleed badly.
"Are you sure, Nick? I sure want you to talk to me, but we can do this at any other time..."
"No. Now."
"Really, won't it make you feel bad?"
"Why do you always treat me like I'm the victim?" - Nick exclaimed to Brian and sat a little far, turning the lights on.
"I do not! Besides, you were the victim with Taison!"
Nick was having a weird outburst of anger while never breaking eye contact with Brian.
"How can you say I was the victim? You weren't there, you don't know what happened!"
Brian's mouth dropped open hearing Nick say those stuff. The blond stood up.
"How can you be so sure Taison didn't do what I wanted? How can you know I didn't ask him to do that, huh?" - Nick had anger tears dropping down his cheeks. He had no idea why he was saying that, but he needed to.
He was just remembering all the things he had been hearing Taison say in nightmares. What if they were true? What if it was his fault?
"Nick, I can't believe you are saying that..."
"Yes, you don't know what happened that day! Maybe I was just lying all this time and the truth is that I'm responsible for what happened! I asked Taison to come up! I began to tease him and forced him to do what he did!"
"Nick, its not true!"
Nick cried more.
"How can you know its not!? You weren't fucking there! There was no one there! I had a hell of a good time with Taison, you know that? I did!" - his voice was trembling.
Brian shook his head in denial. Why was Nick saying that stuff?
"I don't believe this." - Brian said and Nick got even more furious.
"Why not!? It was my fault, I made that happen, I wanted that!!"
"No, you didn't."
"How do you know that, huh? How can you be so damn sure?!"
Brian also stood up. He was crying.
"You wanna know how I can be sure you didn't like it? Well, Nick. Then maybe you forgot the way you were after Taison left! You were saying a whole bunch of bullshit about wanting to die! You didn't want that to happen!"
"How can you be so fucking sure!?"
"Nick..." - Brian held his arms to look at him. - "Taison almost killed you! He hit you so much you fainted! Don't you remember it when I found you? You wanted to die, you kept saying you were feeling dirty cause of what he had done to you! Nick, you were desperate! You didn't allow him to do that, take this fucking out of you head! If you really did what you said you did, you wouldn't've got two broken ribs, a broken nose, a purple eye! Oh, my God, Nick! Taison forced you, did you forget? You hate him! He made you bleed, he made you feel ashamed, humiliated, he made you feel disgusted of yourself!"
Nick was crying and shaking as Brian was holding his arms.
"He raped me... He should've killed me!" - Nick shouted.
"Don't say that... How would I be without you? I love you Nick, you know that!"
Nick was sobbing.
"How do you think I feel when I hear all the stuff people say about me behind my back!? The Backstreet Boys, oh they have that little faggy blond, oh he is so gay...!" - Nick was mocking. - "It hurts! It hurts people reminding me that I was abused by a man! I tried to forget it, I tried hard, but I can't! I just can't! I really wish I was dead because all the wonderful things I have in my life such as money, fame, a career and family... Nothing of this can make the pain go away, nothing of this can make the shame go away!"
"Nick... you have me." - Brian said softly.
Nick took his hand to his head and fell on his knees.
"I'm so sorry, Brian..."
"Sorry for what?" - Brian asked going down to the floor with him.
"Sorry for what Taison did to me. I don't understand how you don't hate me after what he did to me..."
"Nick! Don't say such nonsense! I don't hate you and Kevin doesn't either!"
"But he is not close to me... Its different. I'm so sorry for being this pain in the ass for you. I'm sorry I make you cry, I'm sorry for all the sleepless nights I made you go through because of my stupid nightmares, I'm sorry for you having to bear with this type of friend, I'm weak..."
Brian lifted Nick's head and kissed him soflty on the lips, feeling his warm tears touch his cheeks. They were like that for a whole minute when Brian came back to face him.
"I look up to you, Nick. I myself wouldn't have made it better. The way you are today... I'm sure I wouldn't be able to handle it. And here you are today... I can see you smiling, I can see you singing, being with your fans, having a life you thought someone had stolen from you."
"Thats coz I had the best friend ever by my side." - Nick said soflty and Brian kissed his forehead.
"Come back here. Lets lay down." - Brian took him by the hand, turned the lights down and they both laid in the bed.
Brian made Nick cuddle to him as they shared the same pillow, looking at each other.
Brian was running his fingers softly through his blond hair when Nick began to talk, also very softly.
"We got back earlier than the others from the theater." - Brian didn't say a word, he kept caressing the back of Nick's neck. - "Taison and I were waiting for you guys at the reception. We are talking... just chilling. He asked me about Nirvana. If I was still addicted to them. I said yes and he asked me to see some of their albums coz he wanted to buy one."
Nick took air. Brian felt a hand grabbing his heart. Taison predicted that... How could someone ever think of doing that to a child? To anyone at all? But he didn't say a word. He knew Nick had to go on, so he just kept there caressing the back of his neck.
"I said I wanted to wait for you people to come back but he suggested that we went right away coz we were just sitting around waiting. I agreed. I took the keys and went up with him."
Nick looked for something in the air before going on.
"When we were both in I began to show him my Cds, I was playing them for him. He said I looked like Kurt shaking my head to the song. Then he asked me if I thought he was handsome. I said I only thought he was cool. Taison said something about Kurt being cute but I being more and the next moment he had his hand on my face, his look was so werid! He seemed to be in trance! I tried to take his hand away saying I wasn't gay and he asked if I had ever been with a guy. I said no and he said I needed to try it. I was afraid as he was saying that, I was surprised! He babbled something about wanting to make me feel good, to make me feel pleasure..."
Brian bit his lower lip as he could picture perfectly what Nick was saying. That monster saying this shit to a kid.
"When I tried to get away he held my wrists and began to... to touch me. I had this idea that if I pretended to be liking he would loose my hands and I'd be able to run to the door."
Nick looked at Brian to see if he was understanding. He nodded.
"I said I was liking it and he let me go. When he leaned down to touch me again I hit him with my knee and ran away to the door. It was locked, Brian."
Brian bit his lip again.
"He got me and hit me. It was when he broke my nose. I was still fighting but he hit me on the stomach making me fall. I got up and ran. I found this thick piece of wood and threatened him with that. I asked for the keys. He was afraid then. He got them and when he was about to give them to me he made them fall on the floor and I silly went down to get them. It was when he knocked me down and hit me with the wood thing. I got a CD and scratched his face with that as he ripped my shirt. I ran away again. I begged him to stop, I said I wouldn't tell anyone about that. And then Taison said he was gonna hurt me."
Brian was looking deep into his eyes, caressing him.
"I... I don't remember how he made me fall again and he hit me with that wood piece until I could not move. It was when he broke my ribs. Brian, I could not believe the pain, it wouldn't let me move! I was trying to get up but everytime I did the ribs moved tearing me up from inside. And Taison knew that he had hurt me bad. He punched me over the bruise, over and over until I coughed blood for the first time."
Brian began to cry and this time Nick was the one to dry the tears from his eyes softly. He went on.
"I could no longer fight against him. I wanted to die because I knew he had won. All that happened later was very fuzzy to me, I had blood on my face and this absurd pain coming from my ribs. I think... I, I felt he making me kneel onto the bed..." - Nick stopped.
Brian was about to say he didn't need to go on but before he could Nick stopped him with his finger over his lips.
"I was staring at the sheets getting red with my blood, I could feel this salty thing in my throat. I thought it was over when he began to thrust. Brian... I swear to God there is no worse pain than the one I felt! Not only physically, but I knew that someone was violating my body! Myself, my soul, my being! What right did he have to do that? I couldn't bear with the pain. It was alucinating. I... wanted to tell him to stop but I had no voice... Suddently I didn't feel anything else and it was all dark. I fainted before he was finished."
Nick looked at the pillow. A tear rolled down his cheek. Brian soflty kissed his tear away.
"How are you feeling now, Nick?"
"I'm glad I told you this... I had to. It was killing me inside."
Brian nodded and they kissed softly on the lips again.
"No one is gonna hurt you again, Nick."
Nick looked at him and smiled.
That night Brian was the one to sleep cuddled to his body, protecting him.
So, did you like the chapter? Liked the way Nick opened up to Brian? Please tell me! Lionessy@hotmail.com