CHAPTER 12-
God definitely knows what He does, because one week later Brian was back at the apartment the boys were sharing. He'd still have to be watched out during fifteen days, but this only to make sure nothing would come in the way of recovering.
During all these time he had to rest the boys were there for him. His cousin and his friends. His parents and brother came up to see him. With all this care coming from his beloveds in two months Brian was back to touring with his fellows. Back to this wonderful popstar's routine.
And together they were all rocking the world with their second album's singles. Backstreet's Back. Life was presenting to them again, irresistible, inviting them to enjoy the fullest of it. And being happy was something money couldn't buy. Well, not for too long. Is only happy someone who has friends, and all the boys had. Friends that were like family. Fellows for the good and hard times. Just the kind of friends you can go through life and enjoy every moment of pain and joy...
Nick had been going out with this girl named Sarah for almost one month now. She was a lovely blond with long hair and dark blue eyes. Not only she was beautiful she was also caring and understanding. The sweet kind of girl that Nick always loved to go out with.
As they began to go out a lot and spend lots of time together too this inevitable sexual tension began to increase the more times they were kissing and hugging each other.
"Nick, do you wanna come up today?" - Sarah asked softly as Nick walked her till the front door of the building she lived in.
Nick took a deep sigh before answering.
"Yes, Sarah. I'd love to." - he smiled at her.
Sarah also smiled and took Nick's hand, guiding him up the stair until they were inside of a large and adorable apartment the girl owned.
"Wow! You have a very nice place, baby..." - Nick said looking around.
"Thanks." - Sarah blushed. - "Do you want to have something to drink, sweetie?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine. Thanks." - Nick smiled and Sarah kissed him.
"So, wanna sit a little bit? I'm pretty tired of standing up!"
"Oh, definitely!"
Sarah led them to the big and comfortable sofa in the living room.
The moment they sat they began to make out. Nick slowly laid on top of her as their kiss deepened. Sarah was running her hands with long nails softly over Nick's back. Everything just perfect because they were really involved with each other. They shared care and maybe... well, who knows? Maybe even love.
Nick had his eyes closed trying to concentrate in giving her pleasure by touching her face softly and kissing her, running his hand through her hair and soon he felt her breasts against his hand.
Sarah also began to explore Nick's body. She found her way down to his pants and slide her hand inside his boxers to fondle his hard on.
"Hm..." - Nick moaned.
Nick shut his eyes and sighed. No... not again! Not now! Sarah was being so sweet, so loving... But he couldn't help those images rushing through his mind and it was driving him crazy! When would it stop? It was more than in time!
"Whats wrong, Nicky?" - Sarah asked smoothly.
"Nothing, baby." - Nick said quickly kissing her forehead and trying to go back in touching her, in moving in that seductively way on top of her.
"Hm..." - Sarah moaned.
Nick had his eyes opened looking at her.
'What the hell am I doing?' - Nick felt like crying. He wanted to get out of there. Why was Sarah touching him there? No, no one could touch him!!! NO ONE! Because he was dirty!
As Nick's breath increased Sarah thought he was enjoying what she was doing to him. But Nick was almost sweating in panic.
For sure his body was answering with arousal to her touch, but his mind was blocking everything.
Sarah touching him. 'I'm gonna fuck your brains out, Nicky. Don't you think Kurt is handsome? C'mon, you should try it... I just wanna give you pleasure...'
Nick shook his head and looked at Sarah's beautiful flushed face.
Nick whined in an extremely low voice, not being able for Sarah to hear him. As she touched him Nick could see Taison and all those last images before he fainted. It had been a fuzzy scene, but every time Nick was being touched or touched someone in a sexual way those images were getting more and more clear. Nick could see what he wanted to forget desperately.
"C'mon, Nick, make love to me..." - Sarah whispered.
Nick leaned down to kiss her in the neck and buried his head there for a while.
Taison made him kneel on the bed. He ripped his pants. When Nick thought it was over... It had began. That pain... it was feeling like all the pain in this world were acting over his body. But Taison didn't stop! He didn't!
Oh, God... Nick could feel warm tears forming in his eyes. He was getting angry with himself.
Nick kissed Sarah softly over and over and slowly took her hand away from his cock.
'I'm gonna be nice to you because you are virgin, Nick... you are virgin and I'll make you feel good. Did you actually think you could get away from me?! Come back here, Nick... I'm gonna hurt you now...'
Nick gasped and moved abruptly away from Sarah.
"Nick, what happened, honey? What did I do?" - she asked concerned.
"I... I'm sorry, baby. I just remind I... I have something. A meeting. God, how could I forget it! The boys are gonna kill me!"
"Oh."
Nick looked at her knowing perfectly she wasn't buying anything of that crap he was saying.
"I'm sorry, girl, I gotta go, hun."
Nick kissed her forehead.
"Ok." - Sarah sighed and stood up to open the door for him.
"Bye..." - Nick forced a smile.
"Bye, babe... Hope the guys don't get mad at you."
Nick gave her wide eyes and she smiled understanding.
"Yes..." - Nick didn't know what else to say so that he just went away.
Fast Nick reached the street. He knew perfectly Sarah was conscious he was widely lying to her. But he didn't care because he would never see her again.
Nick began to sob as the feeling of loneliness hit him. He was alone in a cold and desert street, lay to the girl he had been the closest of loving, none of his friends there with him. But he was there with Nick. Inside his mind, haunting him.
Nick stroke his own arms to protect from the cold. He began to walk. He didn't know where he was going. He was crying.
"I hate my life!" - Nick shouted at no one. - "How fucking happy you all suppose I am, huh? How fucking happy can I be?!"
This outburst of anger against no one and everyone was only making more tears drop in a path down his cheeks.
"Why can't I forget it? It was not fair! Did You hear it, God?! Not fair someone came into my life and ruined it all! Where were You when Taison did that to me? Where!?" - Nick cried out but the dark night kept silent.
Nick kicked a stone on his way and cleaned the tears from his eyes. He roamed around trying to calm himself down. Two hours later Nick was calmer but not any better.
How many times had that happened? Being with girls he cared for, he wanted, he practically loved... and when the time came to show this deep affection Nick couldn't make it. He just... couldn't. Do people think its cute being a virgin? Oh, well, it could be when it was your choice. In Nick's case... 'Oh, God! I'm not even a virgin...' - Nick thought to himself. - 'He stole that from me too.'
Nick closed his eyes and sighed. Walking a bit more he found the first human presence in hours. An old man selling the last newspapers he had. With no more hopes someone would get them.
Nick approached him and bought a magazine without even looking at the cover, just to help the old man. He held the magazine in his hands and walked a few more steps before looking at it.
He stopped.
" MILLIONAIRE WELCOMES LOVED SON BACK AFTER LONG JOURNEY TRAVELING AROUND THE WORLD."
Taison was smiling and hugging the man who once produced the Backstreet Boys with Lou Pearlman. Taison was right there. In Colorado. Not only the same state, but the same city. Taison was in Denver. Nick was in Denver. This couldn't be any good.
Nick rushed to the first trash can and was about to drop the magazine. The picture of that man in the cover was making him sick, about to throw up.
Changing his mind Nick held the magazine and began to walk again. He was going home now.
Home for Nick was the hotel they were staying at. As soon as he got there he went up and knocked on Brian's door. It was ten o'clock, he shouldn't be asleep now. And he wasn't. Brian answered the door immediately.
"Hey, Nick! In, buddy."
"Thanks." - Nick said walking in.
"So, how was the date with Sarah?"
"I'm also gonna talk about it, Brian. But later."
Brian made a confused face as Nick sat on his couch.
"Brian, you have kind of a farm with a big house close to Denver, right?"
"Yes, Nick. I bought it recently. But why are you asking? Its more of a country place. There is no one around, its hard to get there. Nothing but trees to look at. Grass and birds singing. You don't like peaceful places like that." - Brian grinned.
"No, I don't. But Brian, can we go there?"
"Well, sure! Why not?" - Brian said approaching him.
"I mean, can we go now?" - Nick rose his eyebrows.
Brian looked at him awkwardly.
"I know its just one hour and a half away. I just need to go now, Brian. Please?"
"Nick, whats going on?" - Brian asked trying to decipher his eyes.
"No need to read me." - Nick said giving Brian the magazine he bought moments before. - "Just look at the man on the cover."
Silence went on for two long minutes.
"Taison is in town?"
Nick nodded biting his lip.
"Please, Brian. I wanna go away. I can't stay here. We call the guys when we get there."
Brian sighed.
"Sure, Nick. I'll get ready and we can go." - Brian turned around to leave but Nick made him stop.
"Thank you."
"You are always welcome, Nick." - Brian smiled and left the living room, Nick waiting for him to come back again.
After a brief trip of one hour and a half the boys arrived at Brian's farm house. It was beautiful even at night.
Nick left the car and looked amazed at the beauty of the house and the area surrounding it. It was so... peaceful... why didn't he like these kind of places? Maybe because they made him feel lonely. But Brian was there. He could never feel lonely by his side.
Without realizing it Nick was shaking in cold waiting for Brian to come with the keys.
Suddenly he felt an arm around his back and the warmth of a friend's touch.
"Geez, Nick! You are shaking! Lets go inside."
Nick looked at him smiling and followed Brian up to the house.
The place was also gorgeous from inside. Every room, every couch and bed was warm and cozy, inviting people to cuddle and feel comfortable. That was just the kind of place Nick needed to be in that night. Especially after those alarming news of Taison being this close to him.
"Nick, are you hungry?" - Brian asked.
"No. I had dinner with Sarah."
"Oh, ok. I already had dinner too. Oh, my, its cold in here, don'tcha think?"
"Yes."
"Wait a minute."
Brian took five minutes to light the fire in the living room.
"Come here!" - he said to Nick sitting on the sofa.
Nick did what he said and sat by his side.
"Do you think Taison knows we are here?" - Brian asked.
"I'm not sure. But if he wanted to find it out wouldn't be any difficult. The magazines are always covering us. Its easy to know where we are when we are on tour. I'm glad this one is almost over by now."
"Yeah, me too. Can't wait to begin to work on a third album."
Nick smiled dreamily to Brian's comment.
"Nick, are you afraid Taison may come look for you? I mean, do you think he'll ever cross your way again?"
Nick thought briefly.
"No and yes."
Brian stared at him.
"I don't think he is actually gonna look for me right now, but something just tells me he'll cross my way again." - Nick said honestly.
"Not if I'm still alive!" - Brian exclaimed.
Nick placed his right hand above his. The room was getting warm with the fire burning next to them.
"Its not up to you, Brian. Life goes on itself. We can't stop it. And inside of me I feel I'll have to face him again someday."
Brian smoothed Nick's hand.
"I wish I could keep this from happening..." - he said softly.
"No one can. Not even me."
Brian sighed. Maybe Nick was right.
"Brian why don't you call the other boys? I'm sure Kevin will be all pissy if we don't tell him where we are."
Both guys laughed.
"I'll do that."
Brian picked the phone and talked to his cousin for ten minutes.
Soon he was back to sit on the sofa with Nick by his side.
"So, whatdija tell Kevin?"
"I said we are staying here for this whole week. Then will go back and travel again to God-knows-where."
"Good. Did you tell him the reason why we are doing that?"
"Yes. He understood. You should be more opened up with Kevin, Nick. He loves you too. We all do. Just like me and the other fellows Kevin just wants the best for you."
Nick looked at his hands resting on the sofa.
"Did... did he tell you about the night when you went into heart surgery?"
"Yes. He told me he tried to comfort you and you didn't let him to. You didn't want him to touch you. He also told me about the nightmare and how you seemed to be in trance after that. It was when you allowed yourself to be comforted by him for some time. Just when you realized what was going on you pulled apart. I don't understand, Nick, are you still fearing being touched by people?" - Brian asked.
Oh, now he had got to the point. Now he was in the right way. About to know how Nick had really been doing with this fear of being caressed. Nick had to tell him about what this was causing to his life. He needed Brian to help him, although he had no idea how.
Nick noticed Brian was still staring at him waiting for an answer. But Nick didn't give him one. Instead he just leaned down and put himself into Brian's arms.
Brian slowly cuddled him feeling his soft hair brush against his chin. He slowly smoothed Nick's back and face. Brian understood what Nick meant. It didn't matter how afraid he could be. Brian was the one to make him feel safe. Always.
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