CHAPTER 14 -
"Its not like that! I'm sorry..." - Nick exclaimed as Brian kept staring innocently at him, being still on top of Nick.
As Brian didn't say anything Nick went on, almost freaking out.
"I don't love you like THAT! Its just... Oh, my God! I wish you could understand how much I love and need you after everything you did for me... I know you have already said you love me, just as we say sometimes to our parents and friends, but the way I love you... Brian!" - Nick looked into his eyes almost crying in frustration once he wasn't being able to put into words what he wanted to say. - "I love you more than life itself! Its not that I feel attracted to you, its just that you make me feel safe and loved the way any other person was able to do..."
Nick sighed.
"Do... do you hate me?" - Nick asked fearfully.
Brian looked into his eyes for some seconds and buried his head on Nick's neck, feeling the warmth of his skin.
"I could never hate you, Nick!"
"Thank you... But you can't help me more either. I, I... I'm gonna sleep now, Brian. I don't know more what to say. I don't want to cry again."
Brian looked at Nick. He could feel his body was lightly shaking under his own due the cold wind coming from the window. Brian didn't do anything but stare at him, their faces extremely close to each other's. Brian's look was interrogating, was innocently staring at Nick's eyes.
Nick closed his eyes but Brian kept looking at him, Nick could feel his look on his face.
Slowly Brian leaned down again, his chin touching Nick's shoulder as his eyes were still closed.
"Nick, will you let me help you?"
Nick opened his eyes and gasped almost crying.
"How?!" - he whispered. - "You can't cure me from this fear..." - Nick shook his head in denial.
Brian's hand softly brought Nick's face to look at him.
"Maybe I can, Nick. Maybe I'm the only person who can do that."
Nick's eyes were shinning from the tears forming on them reflecting the moonlight coming together with the chilly and fresh air of that night.
"I'm cold." - Nick rustled.
Brian kissed Nick's chin and moving just a little lower he kissed his neck.
"If you feel afraid, if I scare you anyhow you tell me."
Nick caught himself crying without even knowing why. What was Brian going to do?
Slowly he could feel Brian's arms tightening around his body, bringing them even closer. The feeling of Brian's body made Nick stop shivering. It was no longer cold.
Brian spent long minutes looking at Nick and caressing his face and hair gently. Slowly Nick loosened at the fact they were so close. Brian wouldn't, he could never hurt him.
Through Nick's eyes, for the first time Brian could see the fear they so many times talked about. Not that Nick was afraid now, but looking at him Brian could see the fear that took Nick's body when he knew Taison was going to get him. Brian was melting inside because that look on Nick's face was the look of a fourteen years old boy that thought all the people in this world were good. This innocent look of who believes no one will cause you harm, because we are all friends, we can always trust each other... And only now he could understand how deep it hurt Nick when this trust in people was broken. When someone took away his faith in this world, his child dreams of making everything perfect and loving...
And now he also understood why Nick had to say he loved him. Nick's rational mind told him that there were nice people, that his friends wouldn't hurt him, but his heart and instinct could never believe it. Not until Brian got through him. He had made Nick feel this safety from another human being. And to trust in someone after a rape was practically impossible. You give up in trying to find a pure soul. But Nick had found one that was looking at him right now.
"Nick... I'd give my life for you."
"You've been doing this everyday, Brian."
Brian stared as Nick closed his eyes and tears dropped down his cheeks.
"Ah..." - Nick sighed and gasped at the same time.
Carefully Brian saw his lips trembling from the fear Nick was fighting inside of him.
Slowly Brian pressed his own lips against those trembling ones. Brian kissed Nick's lips over and over as he they were both with closed eyes.
After some time waiting, still unsure Nick parted his lips and welcomed Brian's warm tongue inside his mouth. Brian touched Nick's tongue softly with his own, taking time to run his tongue over his, caressing him and licking all the places inside Nick's mouth.
Nick's mind was in peace. No images rushing through, up until now no dirty thoughts from the past.
Their kiss was lasting forever, and no human mind could understand it. Because this people from this world are the same that make us lose our trust, that steal our faith and innocence as we grow up. Sometimes in a harsh way as it happened to Nick. Thats why no one is capable of describing the emotions involved in this kiss. It was deep, it was connected, and although it was heading to something even deeper and stronger between them, as no one would believe, their touch, their kiss, their love didn't have malice.
They were teens, almost grown ups, but their feelings were as faithful and true as a child's.
Brian's tongue ran over Nick's lips and he waited until Nick opened his eyes.
"Are you afraid?" - Brian asked.
"No... I don't fear your touch."
Brian leaned down to kiss him again and Nick kissed him back, sliding his tongue inside Brian's mouth, for the first time with no thoughts in his mind, nothing but love. It didn't matter what kind of love it was, but Brian was unblocking Nick's heart and mind. Brian was giving life back to him.
With no rush Brian's hand touched Nick's chest, rubbing against his skin, warming him up with love.
His mouth always kissing Nick's face, neck and lips, his tongue always touching Nick's, making he feel Brian's presence. Slowly Brian took his hand lower and slid it inside Nick's boxers. Brian touched him softly, slowly, looking him in the eyes, protecting him inside his arms at the same time.
Nick's breath increased as he was feeling himself getting hard and pressing against Brian's hand.
The world didn't know about them and didn't care about this connection, only because it could never understand a sexual connection that is not nasty, not only loving, but a connection to save someone, just as Brian was saving Nick.
Brian fondled Nick's hard on, looking him carefully to see any signs of fear in his eyes. He found none.
For the first time Nick was enjoying someone's touch and he was going crazy with the wave of pleasure he thought had died in life.
"Brian..." - Nick looked at him.
Their faces were always only inches away, Brian never let go of this stare. He wanted Nick to look into his eyes and read them. He wanted Nick to trust.
"Do you want me to stop?" - Brian asked with sincerity.
"No... please don't stop."
Brian smiled and kissed Nick on the lips. As their kiss deepened Brian's hand went faster in stroking Nick, and he could feel Nick moaning inside his mouth, making him never want to let go of this connection ever again. If only this moment could last forever.
With the tip of his fingers Brian could feel Nick's head getting wet. He was finally giving in to this sensations that were a part of the human nature. But it was extremely important that Brian kept always one of his hands caressing Nick's face, in case he loses control he can just open his eyes and Brian will be there. And no one is gonna hurt him.
"Hm!" - Nick moaned lifting from the bed a little and holding on to Brian.
Their bodies so close it could be one, Brian made them lay onto the bed again, he kissed Nick's forehead and lips, feeling Nick's tongue force its way inside his mouth. Brian played with his tongue, giving Nick space to explore and enjoy every detail of what he couldn't allow himself to before.
Brian trailed a path up and down Nick's hard on, taking time to touch his head softly causing Nick to moan against his neck.
Nick couldn't remember the last time he had enjoyed someone touching him like that. As he did to himself before the rape. Right now it was so new and amazing that he couldn't control himself after all those years of frustration.
As Brian moved his hand faster Nick dug his nail on Brian's arms, holding on to him as he moaned once more before he felt that wonderful sensation. Nick came and his body was shivering again. Not from cold this time.
When Nick opened his eyes again Brian was still there, looking at him, his lips smiling at Nick, his eyes fulfilled with tears.
Nick's hands went to the back of Brian's neck as he began to laugh and cry at the same time.
"Thank you, thank you... thank you so much, Brian!" - Nick was saying over and over as he held Brian close.
Brian began to laugh in joy too, at the same time tears were also dropping down his cheeks, wetting Nick's face.
Brian touched his face to Nick's.
"Thank you..." - Nick said again with a trembling voice.
"Oh, my God, Nick! I can't even describe how I'm feeling right now!" - Brian smiled widely and hugged Nick.
Without saying anything else but still smiling the boys cuddled to each other and fell asleep. Nick couldn't tell for Brian, but he hadn't slept in such a wonderful peace since he was a kid.
As Nick's eyes opened when the morning shine entered the room the first thing he looked for was Brian. Already awake Brian smiled as Nick lifted his head to face him, his arms around Brian's body.
"Thank you." - was the first thing Nick said.
"How are you feeling, Nick?" - Brian smiled running a hand through his hair.
Nick thought a little before answering.
"Free."
Brian held him tighter before standing up.
"I'll get something for us to eat. Or ain't you hungry?"
"Well, ya know: the process to purify my soul..." - Nick began and Brian gave him wide opened eyes. - "I'm just kidding, fool!" - Nick laughed and so did Brian.
"I'll be right back." - he said leaving the room.
After they ate breakfast Brian was inside taking a shower and Nick was just sitting on the grass of the yard, looking at everything around him.
Nick closed his eyes and sighed. Immediately a smile played on his lips.
He was happy. He was happy because he had Brian. He was happy because he had friends. He was happy because he had this amazing career and fans. Nick was happy because his dream was reality today. Nick was just happy because he could feel the breeze in his face and he could hear the nature alive surrounding him.
Nick was happy because he was alive.
He was so into this new way of seeing things in his life and around himself that he didn't see Brian coming close and sitting by his side.
Nick opened his eyes and turned around to face Brian. His hand immediately found Brian's hand and his eyes locked with his. Nick was smiling and he couldn't help it.
"What?" - Brian asked also smiling.
"Thank you!" - Nick exclaimed.
Brian laughed.
"You already said that! Get out a' here!" - Brian giggled but Nick didn't let go of his hands.
His eyes shinning while glancing at Brian.
"No, Brian... thank you!"
Nick was breathing fast and smiling widely. Brian did not understand.
"Why, Nick? I don't get you..."
"Brian! I have been so bad... so... I was here thinking and I realized I never thanked you for having saved my life!"
"What you mean?"
"That day you found me... after Taison left... Brian, you took me to the hospital in time when I wanted to die, against my will you got me help and made me live! And I never said thank you cause of that. Then I tried to kill myself and again you kept me, you saved my life twice! And all these years I kept saying I hated my life, that I didn't want to live... how bad was that for you? I saying that when you had done and were still doing everything to me! Now I see how many times you saved my life only by holding me when I had a nightmare..."
Brian took one of his hands from Nick's and bit it. He was crying and crying hard. Never in his life he thought he would hear Nick saying that to him.
"Brian! You are an angel! It was God who sent you to me... I no longer hate Him coz of what happened because He took something from me but gave me the best gift ever! He gave me you, Brian!" - Brian had his head buried in his hands now. Sobbing, so glad, happy and proud as he was listening to Nick's words.
"I'm sorry I never said it before, I only hope its not too late to say how much I'm thankful for what you did to me..."
Brian held Nick in an embrace.
"I only did it because I needed to. You were my best friend, you have always been special to me. I've always loved you, Nick. I had to take care of you! You don't know how good you make me feel by saying that..."
"Brian, don't cry..." - Nick said pushing him away and facing him.
"But you are crying too!" - Brian protested laughing.
"Am I?" - Nick laughed. - "Ok, then lets make a deal. We can't cry until the last day we are staying here."
"Its a deal?"
"Yeah."
"Closed!" - Brian said.
Many of the nights they spent there both guys went to the front of the house only to lay on the grass looking at the stars and talking about life. Talking always about the future, never the past.
They slept together every night, but that sexual connection didn't happen again. Neither did they kiss that same way. Nick was cured now and Brian was being his best friend.
Nick was feeling everything as if it was the first time, and Brian could feel his happiness as they shared the stars up above, dropping their silver shine above the two friends.
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