Back in the late 60's and early 70's I worked in a bakery. While there I had a co-worker that was a little younger than me. He was from another New England state and moved here with his wife and two young daughters. I also had two young daughters. We became friends and sometimes our families socialized together. He was shorter than I, slight build and had red hair. My friendship towards him ran deeper than he suspected or so I thought.
I had been attracted to the same sex since I was 7 or 8, but because of my social environment, and he times ( growing up in the 50's ) I was scared to death about it and remained very closeted most of my life. Charles ( not his real name ) and I debated politics and religion almost daily and although we were on opposite spectrums it really brought us closer together. Where we use to change up in the locker room I would always try to delay just enough to sneak a look at his bare legs and the mound in his briefs. This was always a turn-on for me. I also lusted after another taller young man that we were both friendly with. Both were in my fantasy when I would jerk off which was often.
One day Charles asked me if I liked the musical "Jesus Christ Superstar". I being a Roman Catholic and he a Protestant who had rejected his religion made it kind of a strange question from him. You see, at that time Superstar was frowned upon by the Catholic Church. He expressed surprise when he learned that I did like the music. But I really didn't know much about the play. I did buy the album and listened to it at home. In later years both my wife and I grew to love the music and we eventually saw the play three times.
I left the place that we were both employed but I kept contact with Charles either by phone or by family visits.
After not hearing from Charles for a few weeks I got a telephone call from him one night. He asked me if I had time to talk and if I was alone in the room. I told it was okay to chat a while. He then asked me to put on Mary Madeline's song. I did and he made me go to these lines and then stop. I did: " I don't know how to love him... I don't know why he moves me. He's a man, he's just a man and I've had so many men before in oh so many ways, he's just one more. Should I bring him down..... I went back to the phone and told him that I listened to the lines and he asked me what I thought. I had be so closeted for so long and so guarded of my "secret" that I didn't know what to think or even if I could trust myself or him so I said what do you mean by this. He said "I think you know but you are not going to get me to say the words' We stayed connected on the phone in silence what seemed like and hour. I was feeling flush inside and getting aroused but shaking all over. I couldn't bring myself to pursue it further. We eventually hung up and I was privately brought to tears because it was just another of a few unfulfilled desires. We never brought it up again but Charles from that day on was cool to me and I don't blame him.
I have been a widower for several years now. Last year I tried to look him up but to no avail. Just to see how life had treated him. I hope that it was all good, because I really did love him in my own way. He was more than a dear friend to me. Many a nights "Charles" ,in my fantasy, was in my arms as we fell asleep together.