I was scared. Scared of the coming week, scared of how Jason would react the next time we met and scared of how everything would turn out.
I knew that was stupid. I could just listen to my feeling and I'd know how it'd go. But I was even scared of that. And that was when the realization hit me that I wanted it to be Jason. I didn't want to hear my feeling tell me that this wasn't THE Jason. I really wanted it to be him.
Of course it would be stupid for me to fall for the wrong Jason but who knew?
Wait!
Fall for? As in fall in love? No, no way.
A small, ugly laugh escaped my lips and my parents looked up at me. We were eating dinner but until now I hadn't eaten a single bite.
"Is something wrong, James?" My father asked.
"No... nothing. I'm not really hungry."
"Okay." My mother nodded with a somewhat understanding expression and I went over to Declan. I came home late yesterday, after everything happened and didn't get much sleep. And when I finally fell asleep I dreamed of Jason, of the amazing kiss and when I woke up I wanted more. I wanted to touch him more, kiss him more, stare into his eyes when they weren't filled with anger or hatred...
Declan's mother just smiled at me when I walked into the house and handed me two cans of soda. I thanked her and then walked up to Declan's room.
I opened the door and when he looked at me he had a huge grin on his face. "Congratulations on losing your virginity!"
"What?" I asked, blinking and wondering if I heard right..
"How was it? Did you go the whole way? You know I did some research on the net when you told me."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes. I know how everything works though I can't really imagine anyone shoving his cock up my ass." He shuddered.
"Dee!"
"What? So, tell me." He grinned even wider if that was possible.
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, James, no need to be shy. You spent the night with him and I bet you couldn't withstand temptation. I have kept my eyes open and I have to admit you have good taste."
"What the hell, Declan. I didn't spend the night."
"Huh? What?" Declan now looked a little confused.
"What makes you think I spent the night?"
"I called you but your phone was off and then I went over to your house but your parents said you weren't back."
"I see. Well, I was just late."
"So that means it went well, huh? Are you now together or something."
"Declan, you are assuming too much. I was late because I had to clear my head and to think."
Now he looked concerned. "It didn't go well?"
"I don't know. He kissed me."
"That's good, right?"
"And he said he wasn't gay."
"Well, he's obviously confused."
"Yes, just my luck to get someone who wasn't just a closet case but also in denial."
"I'm sure it will work out."
"Mmh, you know, the kiss was amazing. My knees went weak and my whole body was tingling. But I felt weird because of what he said. Like..."
"Like he rejected you?"
"That's it." I nodded.
"He probably just needs time to think about it, work it out in his head because obviously he's attracted to you."
"I guess." I thought for a minute. "You know, he really is a weird guy and so contradictory. He kisses me and says he isn't gay. He acts like a kindergartener when he's an adult. And he looks cute when he's pissed."
"Oh?"
"Or his pout. And his muscles. He's built. And his smile. Fuck." I shook my head.
"You got it bad, my friend."
"I know! And it pisses me off. I just realized it today. I mean, how can that even happen so fast? And most of the time we were fighting! There was nothing that could make me fall for him! That's stupid. And what am I going to do when it's not him?"
"What does your feeling tell you?"
"I have no idea."
"Well, just listen."
"What if it's not him?" I asked and sounded pathetic even to my ears.
"Where did the incredible courageous guy go who let me break his leg to save his parents. Or who helped another friend when everyone was against him because they thought he'd stolen the money? Or who convinced a girl to stand up to her father?"
"That was all different."
"James."
"I can't."
Declan shrugged. "Okay. Then let's just relax. This is our last free day before finals and there's not much use cramming now. Let's watch a movie or something."
"Sure." I nodded and we sat down on his comfortable couch.
I have to admit I didn't really concentrate on the movie. I had hoped it would help me stop thinking about Jason every minute but it just made me think of him like every second one.
Finally Declan shut it off and turned to look at me. "James, I am a little nervous, could you do me a favour?" He asked.
"Sure."
"It's about the finals. Listen to your feeling." He said and I calmed myself down a little, preparing myself for the feeling that would come when he asked his quesiton."
"I just wanted to ask..." He hesitated a second. "...if Jason and you will be happily ever after."
My head shot around but it was too late, the feeling already there. "You bastard!"
"That's me." Declan grinned. "So?"
"Whatever happily ever after means, we'll be. But did you have to ask such a weird question? It sounds like we're a prince and a princess from a fairy tale and you know there's always evil witches and such in them."
"That doesn't matter. The only thing that is important is the end."
"I guess. Well, thank you even though you're still a bastard."
"I know." He grinned at me. "You got it bad and I'm looking forward to your little romance with your prince."
I just punched him.
==============
The next week was hell. Not only finals but also christmas stress. I needed to go to shop for presents since I wasn't one of those people who already had everything at the end of October.
I really felt like a ton of bricks was taken off my shoulders when the week was over. Or almost. I still had to go to work the Saturday before christmas break.
The whole week Jason didn't show himself. I was hoping to see him but also didn't want to be intrusive or put any pressure on him by going up to his rooms again. I felt that he had to decide how much time he needed. And since I finally really knew that he was the one I worried less.
When I finally finished all the work on Saturday I leaned back in the chair and stretched my arms. The semester was finally over.
That moment Cliff Carbons came inside and sat down. "Good job, James. I'm glad you're working for us."
"It's my pleasure. I really enjoy it."
"I'm glad to hear that. So, do you want to stay for dinner. The cook prepared a really good meal."
A good meal always included a great dessert and it was impossible for me to decline. "I'd like that. Thank you."
I was aware that staying for dinner also meant seeing Jason and I was looking forward to it. I had no idea how Jason would act around me but I wanted to see him once more before the break. I'd continue work after new year and I didn't have classes until the beginning of February.
Mr. Carbons was right. The meal was good. No, it was amazing. The cook had outdone himself with it. There was tons of food on the table and I tried everything and had almost no free space left in my stomach for dessert. But then, I always could eat dessert. I could probably survive on sweets.
Jason was sitting opposite of me like always. He looked so good and my heart beat faster when he looked at me. There wasn't a smile, just a thoughtful, serious expression. Then he looked away but I caught him glancing at me during the whole time. I was talking a little with Mrs. Carbons who was incredibly nice and Jesse but otherwise just enjoyed the wonderful meal.
When I finished eating I sat back with a satisfied sigh. "That was wonderful."
Cliff Carbons smiled. "You can tell the cook if you want."
"That would be nice."
"I can show you the kitchen." Jason said and I noticed Mrs. Carbons looking at him with a funny expression.
"Thanks." I said and then followed Jason to the door from where all the delicious food came from. The door closed behind us and I saw that we stood before another door. Jason stopped and turned to look at me.
"Aren't we going inside?" I asked and then gasped when Jason pushed me against the wall and crushed his lips against mine. And he kissed me the second time, much more passionate, almost with force and my knees went weak but Jason's strong body pressed me against the wall and prevented me from slipping to the ground.
I got lost in the amazing kiss and I could feel Jason't heart beat. It was as fast as mine. Suddenly Jason pulled his lips away but his body still pressed against mine.
"Fuck." He said and I looked at him. "I don't get it! You make me do weird things." He shook his head. "Let's go to the kitchen."
"Jason..."
"Not now. We can talk later. Do you..." He hesitated and looked at me. "Do you want to stay a little longer?"
"Sure."
He smiled and I felt butterflies in my tummy. Jason then opened a door and introduced me to the cook. He was a very tall man with a dazzling smile. I complimented him and he smiled happily and thanked me. He also said that if I was in the house and hungry I could just come to him. It was then my turn to smile.
We then went back to where the rest of Jason's family sat and he just announced that I'd stay the night. I looked Jason with big eyes and again felt the butterflies in my tummy. Stay a little longer meant the same as stay the night? And stay the night... what did that mean?
"That's a wonderful idea." Mr. Carbons said. "We can either put a mattress in Jason's bedroom or if it doesn't bother you, he has a big bed."
"Uh, sure, that's alright." I answered. "But I probably should call my parents."
"Of course. Let's go." Jason said and I followed him, feeling a little dazed. What was happening? I was going to spend the night with Jason? That was dangerous. And why had he asked me to stay? To talk? And I also wondered if what Declan thought happened last week was going to happen today.
On the way I grabbed my bag from the office and when we were in his rooms he closed the door and there was an awkward silence. I wasn't sure what to expect. But Jason had a really cute expression, looking as unsure as I did.
"It's still early." He finally stated and I smiled.
"Right. Do you have something we could do?"
"We could watch a movie or we could go for a swim. Of course there's also the bowling hall."
"Let's go bowling." I said. Fun first, serious talks came later.
He led me to the bowling hall and I was once again astonished by how big the mansion was. We walked through corridors I hadn't seen and wasn't sure if I would find my way back. Maybe I was exaggerating a little bit but hey, it wasn't everyday that I was allowed to walk and look around in the huge mansion.
Jason looked at my feet and then handed me a pair of shoes. "These should fit." He said and indeed, they did. There were five lanes and he entered our names into the system. When I saw what he'd written I had to laugh. 'Prick', that was him and 'Sweet-tongue'.
"That okay?" He asked.
"Sure, but my name is nicer."
"You are nicer."
I smiled at him. "How do you know?"
He took one of the balls. It was a beautiful azure-blue, a lighter and a darker shade mixed together and his name was printed on it! They had the bowling-balls made specially for them! Unbelievable. "Your eyes always sparkle when you eat sweets."
"They do?" I asked.
He nodded. "Yes. That first time we met, that was also one reason I was getting more pissed than usual. You just bumped into me and I dropped everything. But you just licked your ice-cream with that sparkle in your eyes like it was the best thing in the world." Jason shook his head and then threw the ball. Only one pin was left standing. He hit it with the second ball.
"You're good." I said. I wasn't sure what to say about the ice-cream incident.
"Thanks." He smiled and my heart melted. I didn't make a spare like he did but he complimented me nevertheless.
I had gone bowling occasionally with Declan and other guys and girls and I always had fun. But now that it was just the two of us it was much more fun. During the hour we played I discovered a whole new side of Jason. He was good, he was nice, he was funny. We talked, teased each other a little, enjoyed drinks and it was just wonderful.
He won the first game with 50 points more than me. It was a little closer the second time but I couldn't see myself beating him in the near future if we played fair.
"You played good." Jason said when he put the shoes back.
"Thanks, but you're the good player. I can see you in your free time exercising here."
"I did for a while. Kyle always was our best bowler."
"And you had to beat him."
He smiled. "Yes."
"So you're competitive?"
"I guess. I just don't really like to lose."
"So were you pissed when I won at pool?" I asked.
"No, that was an unfair game."
"Unfair? Why? No one cheated." He grinned. "I love it when you do that." I said before he could answer.
"Huh? What?"
"Smile, grin..."
He chuckled. "Damn." I whispered. The sound was so incredibly nice and sexy. I wanted to jump him.
"We should go." He said and I nodded. He must have seen the hungry look in my eyes because he looked a little uncomfortable and I scolded myself.
When we were up in his rooms he showed me his office. That was the door to the right and his bedroom, at the left. In his bedroom were two more doors. One was the bathroom and the second was his walk-in-closet. All the rooms were big and had big windows. If he had one more room with a kitchen he'd have an apartment.
"You need a toothbrush... and do you wear pajamas?" Jason asked.
"Uh, usually just my boxers."
"Okay, that's good. Do you want to take a shower?"
"Yes, please."
"There are towels in there and use whatever you need."
"Thanks."
I hesitated a little and then walked to the bathroom. It was big and there was not just a shower, he also had a bath tub. Those rich people! The warm water helped me relax and I felt much better when I dried myself. I then saw that Jason had put some of his cleaned boxers, shorts and a shirt next to the towel. I smiled and put on his clothes. They were a little big but the thought that I wore his clothes was sexy.
Jason took a shower after me and I lay down on his couch and thought about how weird everything was and how much everything had changed and that I had no idea what was going to happen. I didn't know what I wanted to happen. I just knew I felt amazing when Jason smiled at me or when we were near each other without almost killing the other. And I felt the nervousness coming back, not knowing what Jason wanted.
I smiled when I heard him come outside and stand in front of the couch. "Should I carry you to bed, princess? Or kiss you to wake up?" He asked with some sarcasm in his voice.
For a moment I wanted to hit him but then I just relaxed, my eyes still closed and wondered what he'd do.
"Whatever, princess." He said and it took me all my strength not to open my eyes and throw an insult at him. I was not a princess. But then I felt his arms and he really carried me to bed! He was strong!
But instead of putting me down gently he threw me on the bed and laughed when I looked at him angrily.
"Sorry." He said.
"Yeah, I can see you're sorry."
"Mmh."
"And now what?"
"We can sleep. It's getting late. Or we can talk. I don't mind."
"Talk."
"Alright. But let's get to bed and shut the light off."
I shrugged and took off the clothes I had put on not too long ago. It reminded me of the countless nights Declan spent at my home or the ones we spent at his. We'd always go to bed and then talk about every possible thing. And we were always more open with each other. Perhaps because we were in bed together and it was dark and the other couldn's see one's expression.
"Why did you ask me to stay?" I asked when we were finally in bed and only a little light from outside came inside the room. I had managed not to stare at Jason's amazing body but it was hard!
"I'm not sure. I actually believe in talking when there's something unclear or a problem."
I snorted and he sighed.
"I know that I didn't act like that around you but it's what I'd usually do. And you really make me do weird things."
"Weird things..."
"Like kissing you. I never kissed a guy. I never wanted to kiss a guy. And all the other stuff I did. I can't believe that was me. I hope you're not going to tell anyone because they'd think I was some nutcase or something."
I grinned. "Declan knows."
"Declan?"
"My best friend."
Jason sighed. "Everything?"
"Every little detail."
"Geez. I don't want to know what he thinks about me." He was quiet for a while and I didn't know what to say. He continued after a minute. "I dated girls, you know? In high school. And now, there's just so little time with college and work. I thought I'd get married after college, have kids and everything. But now... I'm so confused about everything. About my feelings for you and why you affect me so much. It's so weird. And I've been such a mess the last week. I was like dreaming about you the whole time and the only time I didn't think about you constantly was during exams."
I turned to look at him in the dark. "I dreamed about you, too. And I've been thinking about you almost all the time."
"At least I'm not the only one." Jason grumbled and I laughed quietly.
"So what now?" He asked.
"I don't know. I guess that's up to you."
Jason didn't say anything. He just pulled me closed to his almost naked and hot body. His strong arms around my back and my head on his chest. It felt more than amazing. I felt really satisfied and happy even though all he did was pull me into a hug.
I don't know how long we lay like that but after a while I felt Jason caress my back and he kissed the top of my head. "This feels wonderful."
I nodded. Suddenly Jason tensed and I looked up.
"My father must never know about this." He said.
"Is he a homophobe?"
"I don't know. I don't think so. He never talks about it. But he expects me to marry a woman and already has potential future wives. I don't want to but I probably will have to marry one... even though I'm beginning to really like you. I don't know. It feels so wrong. James, I'm sorry for bringing that up but maybe we better don't start anything. I can't guarantee you that..."
"It's okay."
"No, it's not." Jason sat up. "It's unfair to you. I can't really defy my father and he will want successors."
"That's all still very far away, Jason. Maybe we will never work out. Maybe he can accept us."
"He never will. I know him."
"Then we don't tell him for now."
"Never. I can never tell him."
"That's alright. Let's just take things slowly and not jump into anything. We're just getting to know each other now. We know each other's worst side so now can only be better. Everything's going to work out."
Jason calmed down and lay back down next to me with our arms slightly touching. "How can you say that?" He asked.
"Fate is on our side."
====================================
That was chapter four. I hope you enjoyed and I'd really love to hear your opinion.
Also I'd like to mention Igi, my new friend whom I met through this story. In the short time we got to know each other I've come to care about you and thanks for always writing me.
I wish you all a wonderful weekend. Azula