"I Had No Idea" - Part 33
(Jose's Story)
BY - BNDMaster13@yahoo.com
All rights reserved. Other than downloading one copy for personal enjoyment, no part of this story may be reproduced or transmitted by any means, except for reviews, without the written permission of the author. Comments on the story are appreciated and may be addressed to the author, BNDMaster13@yahoo.com. This story contains descriptions of consensual sexual contact between adult males. As such it is homoerotic, designed for the entertainment of mature adults. If you are not of legal age to read such material, or if the subject matter would create unresolvable personal moral dilemmas, please exit now.
It has amazed me how many people want to know more about Jose. I suppose I really shouldn't be though, Jose is an integral part of Alex's journals. Which is the way it should be. Jose is part of our little family. I know I talk about Alex all the time. However, this is Alex's journal that I have been posting. So it is only natural for me to think and talk about him when I am adding my part to the narrative. But I want everyone to know that I have become just as attached to Jose as I am to Alex. If that sounds strange I am sorry (NOT). I have been with Alex a long time and he needs me. I love him very much. But Jose needs me just as much and I have come to love him. Additionally Jose radiates his love for me. I am the first person in his life that has given him the kind of love he so desperately needs. Don't get me wrong, Jose is my slave. Jose needs and wants to be nothing more. I want and expect him to be nothing more. Being my slave should be and is the center of his world. But just like Alex, Jose needs to know he is loved. So with that in mind I am going to take a break from our vacation. In fact I am going to take a break from Alex's journal all together and devote this entry to Jose. Don't panic! We will pick up in sunny Florida next time, I promise. But for now I think it is time for you, the reader, to learn a little more about Jose. If you are expecting a steamy sex scene in this entry, you won't get it. This will be an honest look at who Jose is and why he is that way. I have asked him to tell you in his own words what brought him to be my much loved slave and part Alex and my's family. So instead of my usual, over to my dear Alex, instead let's turn this over to my dear Jose:
How do I write this? Master Rick has asked me to write about myself. I hate writing. I am not very good at it. But Master Rick said he would go back and fix any mistakes I might make and proof it before he posted it. Still if my Master wasn't making me do this, I wouldn't.
Where do I start? My name is Jose. I belong to Master Rick. I am his slave. I love him very much and would do anything for him. He took me in and has made me a part of his family. I feel like I belong somewhere and have people that love me. It has been a long time since I could say that. Don't get me wrong, I am a slave. That is what I want to be. But having a wonderful Master like Master Rick and a brother like Alex is the best thing that has ever happened to me!
I was born in Austin, Texas. Even at a young an age, I knew I liked guys. It wasn't the cute girls on television I watched. No it was the guys. Especially when it was some guy tied up. Just seeing some cowboy being tied up and tortured by the indians made me excited. I remember almost every time it was my turn to come up with a game it would involve me getting tied up by someone. There was just one major problem with the fact that I liked guys, my mother and father were Jehovah's Witnesses. So of course liking other guys was wrong. It wasn't natural. God didn't approve of it and I would die at Armageddon. So it must be Satan giving me those thoughts and I just needed to fight him by putting them out of my head. Nice way to feel about your feelings that, as a kid, you really couldn't explain anyway isn't it.
I can say one thing about my parents however, the really treated me like they loved me. My father especially. I loved him dearly and still do. However, he died when I was 10 years old. That was one of the worst things that I have ever had happen to me. My dad was everything to me. I think you get the idea, so I won't beleaguer the point. My mother remarried about a year latter to a man about 20 years older than she was. He was of course a Jehovah's Witness. He had very little time or patience for a young boy, especially one who resented him for coming along and taking his father's place. So needless to say he was hard on me. I fought him at first, but eventually found myself working my ass off to get the little bit of praise he would send my way. I firmly believe that is why I want and need a Master so badly. I crave that praise I get for enduring the punishment they give me. That in turn gives me, in some small measure, the love I miss from my father. Master Rick has helped me learn these things about myself. I remember the first night Master Rick held me in his arms. It was the night before he gave me to Alex for his birthday. Alex was tied up in the closet that night and Master Rick took me to bed all by myself, just him and me. He put his strong arms around me and made me tell him about myself. As I started talking to him, I remember pouring out my heart. At the time I didn't know what he was studying at college. But now that I do, I think he will be very good at it. He already is! Master Rick helped me understand myself better and see why I am the way I am. I love him so much. I will be his slave forever or until he gets tired of me. That day I pray never comes because I would be lost without him. He and Alex have given me exactly what I needed in my life. They have given me a place to belong and be loved.
Getting back to my story. Even though the religion forbade it I knew I was still liked guys. By the time I hit 15 there was no doubt in my mind that I was gay. As like so many other guys, I found the internet very helpful in fulfilling my needs. I became extremely attracted to anything related to Masters and slaves. I started fantasizing about what it would be like to be owned by a Master. The thought of being tied up and forced to serve him was exactly what I found I needed. I encountered a few so called Masters online but never really got any where. All the so called Masters wanted was to see me jerk off. That was not what I had in mind. This went on until about the time I turned 17. Still actively being the good Christian young man but secretly wanting to throw it all away and give myself body and soul to a Master. Of course I knew I could never do this as God would kill me when he destroyed the world.
It was about this time that I met a local Master on line. He was quite a bit older than I was, but he seemed to be everything I was looking for. In fact, now, I realize that he reminded me of my father, and that was what attracted me to him. The Master assumed I had quite a bit of experience because of the way I presented myself to him. I told him all the things I had heard the slave in the stories say. I got to know him and it went so far as getting his address and phone number and scheduling a time to present myself for inspection. Needless to say I didn't go to that meeting but jerked off many times fantasizing about what it would be like. At the same time a new guy my age moved into our congregation. I was immediately attracted to him. It was weird, somehow I knew he felt the same way. We started finding ways to be alone together and one thing led to another and we had sex. It was incredible! We both felt horribly guilty but right then we didn't care. I realize now that all we really did was give each other hand jobs, but still we felt like we were committing a horrible sin. But despite the guilt, I knew I had finally found what had been missing in my life. I had found my sexuality. Despite my religion I really was gay.
We continued getting together for a couple weeks until his conscience started bothering him so badly that he went to the Elders in the religion. That is what all good Jehovah's Witnesses do when they have made a mistake, they run to a man to get forgiveness. Anyway, the next thing I knew I was sitting in a room with 3 men and my mother and step father. They were counseling me on what a horrible thing I had done and how God hated me and my thoughts. You see the guy I had been with had run to them, told them how sorry he was, and that it had all been my fault. I tried telling my side of the story but no one really cared. Finally I lost it as they were telling me how immoral gay thoughts were. I screamed at them. I told them they were all a bunch of hypocrites. I accused each of them of feeling the same way I did or they wouldn't have made me describe in such detail what we had done. After that I stormed out of the room and started walking home. So needless to say they kicked me out of the religion. They call it disfellowshiping.
By the time I walked all the way to my house my parents were already home. My things were packed up sitting on the porch. My step father opened the door just long enough to inform me that since I wanted to be homo, and was getting kicked out of the religion, then I could just get out of his house. He then slammed the door in my face. I saw my mother in the window crying, but I knew it wasn't because he had just kicked me out, it was because I had turned gay. (Those were the words she had used earlier in evening) I wanted to scream and pound on the door but what good would that do? If they hated me what possible reason could I have for wanting back into that house?
I picked up my few belongings and started down the street. Where the hell was I going to go? I ended up that night in a Salvation Army shelter. At least I had somewhere to sleep and they would even feed me breakfast the next morning. But somewhere in those dark hours of the night, when all your demons come to haunt you, my situation dawned on me. I started crying and couldn't stop. I had nothing! I had no family. I had no friends. The only constant in my life, my religion was gone. Plus, if the Elders were correct, they had just cut my out of God's love by kicking me out of their religion and if the world ended tomorrow he would kill me because I was gay.
By the time the sun came up the next morning I was totally despondent. What would I do? As I opened my wallet to see how much money I had, a slip of paper fell out. It was the one that I had written the phone number and address of the Master I had met on line down on. The more I looked at the slip of paper the more I wanted to be this Master's slave. I had lost everything. If I was going to die, I might at least go having tried all the things I had only dreamed about. What did it matter anyway? I had nothing but the few belongings my step father had put out for me. I even knew where the address was. I had driven by in my mom's car a couple times dreaming what it would be like to be a real slave there.
What did I do? I picked up my things and started walking. Eventually I found myself in front of the house where the Master lived. It was after 6 at night and there were lights on inside so I walked up to the door. I rang the bell and when he answered I poured out my story to him and begged him to let me be his slave. I had nothing, what could I loose, was what kept running through my head. He looked me up and down as if weighing his decision. Then he invited me in and with no preamble ordered me to strip. Suddenly I was faced with all my fantasies coming true and I was scared shitless. I wanted to run away screaming, but again what else did I have, so what really mattered. took off my clothes and stood there naked while he looked me over like a piece of meat.
I should have followed my instincts and run away. As soon as I was naked he drug me by the arm through his house, across his back yard, and into a large garage. It was to be my home for the next 9 months. I had told him all the things I wanted and he did everyone of them to me. I went from being a virgin to a full blown slave in the matter of a few days, despite my begging and protesting along the way. I don't think he ever realized that I had been a total virgin novice to the scene that first day. But then again if he did, he wouldn't have cared. I look back on it now and think that he knew he had 17 year old and if he was in for a penney with me he might as well be in for a pound. In other words he knew no one would come looking for me. He knew I didn't have the experience I had told him I did So he took full advantage of the situation to do all the things he had always wanted to do. He made it clear that I was the first chained up 24/7 slave he had ever had. He also made it clear that he really didn't give a shit about me, I was just there for him to play with.
He taught me a lot however. Because of him I can take the pain levels that Master Rick gives me. He loved to push me farther and farther ever time until I started loving the pain and wanting more and more of it. He took my virgin ass and taught me to accept bigger and bigger plugs until now I can take anything Master Rick can give me. But what he didn't teach me was that a Master loves his slave. He cared absolutely nothing for me. I was simply there for him to use. But somehow, in that, I found a sense of purpose. If nothing else I could please him with my suffering. I didn't feel like I was worth anything except when I was suffering at his hands. During the time I was with him I lost my sense of self and became nothing more than an object. To be honest I really didn't care.
He kept me for 9 months and then got tired of all the work a full time slave required. If he had let me into his house I could have taken care of him, but that wasn't his idea of what a slave was good for. Anyway, after 9 months, about 1 month after I turned 18, he gave me to Master John. There was no ceremony. He didn't ask me. Master John simply turned up one day. My leg manacle was unlocked. My hands were cuffed behind me and Master John carried me out of the garage. He took me to the back of his pick up truck where he had a large tool box. He opened the lid, dropped me in, and closed it sealing me inside. I didn't even know who he was. All he said to me was that my Master was tired of me and I was his now. As the truck drove off I started crying. I was devastated. The first man, that had in some small way made me feel needed, had just given me to a total stranger. It was, at that time, the worst moment in my life. Now I look back on it as the best thing that ever happened. It was the first step on the road to being owned by Master Rick.
We drove for I have no idea how long, but it started getting hot wedged in that metal tool box. Finally we stopped and the lid opened. The bright sun streaming in hurt my eyes as I squinted up at Master John. Again I was picked up and unceremoniously carried into his barn. Part of his barn was set up as his play area. In it he had dog cages. He shoved me into one, closing and locking the door behind me. He informed I had better get used to it, because unless he was using me this was where I would stay. He instructed me on where to find food and water, how I could go to the bathroom, which was through the bars on the bottom of the cage. Once done with this he simply walked away. This was horrible! I had just been locked in a cage by a man I didn't even know and told that I would be living like a dog. What had I done to myself? Obviously this was my punishment for sinning against God by being gay. That is the mind set that I took on. I quietly endured everything Master John did to me. It was all I deserved. No matter how hard I tried I never felt I ever pleased him, I just suffered. But then in my mind God was punishing me.
I won't go into the time I was with Master John. He treated me much more like an animal than a human being. But he did finish my training in being a real slave. I learned to live only to serve. He also trained my body, for which I thank him. He exercised me until I had a body that he could be proud of. Not that he ever once told me that. No, he just drove me harder. But I know now he told Master Rick how proud he was of my body. More importantly Master Rick is proud of my body!
That brings us up to that fateful night when Master John brought me to Master Rick's apartment. I really don't even know how to begin. The first time I saw Master Rick, his eyes looked at me with such concern. It was like he saw how bad I hurt inside and wanted to fix it. Then I met Alex! When he offered himself to save me, that was the most incredible thing anyone had ever done for me. I saw love in his eyes as he looked me. Something reawakened inside me that had gone into hiding, the idea of being loved. I still wanted and craved the torture. That had become a part of me, but I wanted the love too. I had missed it for so long! When Master John locked me back in my cage that night I lay there and cried. I sobbed, longing for Alex and Master Rick's life to be mine. I felt so empty and all alone. I didn't want this life anymore. I saw that with Alex and Master Rick their Master slave relationship was based on love. But I had no choice. I had made my life, now I had to live it.
You can imagine then my feelings a few days latter when Master Rick showed up and asked Master John to see me. What could he possibly want? What he wanted, was to know if I wanted, to be his slave. If I wanted to come and live with him and Alex. He told me all the things he had seen in my eyes that first night. Somehow he knew exactly what made me tick and what I needed. My answer to him? I am amazed he even heard me I was sobbing so heavily. I begged him to allow me to be his slave. His answer? He told me he would talk to Master John and see what he could do.
Well I guess you know the rest, as far as what happened. Master Rick talked Master John into letting him have me. Master Rick will tell you that Master John was getting tired of me. That isn't true. Master John liked having an extra animal around to use as he needed. All Master John would tell me is that Master Rick gave him something special in return for my life. Someday I would love to know what it was, but then again maybe I don't. Master Rick showed up a few days latter to bring me home. HOME! That still sounds so good! When Master Rick put me in the front seat of his car for the drive, I saw something in the back I thought had been lost forever. It was my bags that held what few possessions my step father had given me that night so long ago. I hadn't seen them since my 1st Master had drug me off to his garage. I asked Master Rick for permission to speak, then asked where he had gotten my things from. As he told me, my heart swelled with love for this man. He had actually gone back to my first Master and demanded my bags. Master John had mentioned them to him and he refused for me to live without them any longer. I thanked him and told him that the only picture of my father had been in with my stuff and I assumed it was gone forever. As I started to cry again Master Rick reached across and stroking my head, then he kissed me. I had never really kissed anyone before and it was the most wonderful moment of my life. As he pulled away and I saw the look on his face, I knew I would finally be loved and accepted with this man as my Master.
So started my real life! Master Rick has helped me learn about myself. I am now not just a slave but know why I need to be a slave. Well not just a slave, but Master Rick's slave. I am no longer guilty of my sexuality, but he has made me proud of it. In so doing he has made me proud of myself. At least proud of myself as it relates to being his slave. He has also taught me that the crock of shit religion I was in was just that A CROCK OF SHIT! Any religion that cannot accept you for who and what you are is not a religion that is acceptable to God. You see the God I have come to believe in made all of us and loves us for who we are, not who men think we should be. I hear people in e-mails dis Master Rick. That pisses me off! Who do you think you are saying anything bad about the best Master in the world! For the first time I have a real family that loves me. I have a wonderful Master and a incredible brother who loves me. We are a REAL family! Someone asked Master Rick how I felt about Alex. My answer to that is I love him. I love them both!
Let me stop Jose here. I think he has done quite a job of telling you his story. (Very little editing) There was just something about him that first time I met him. He needed love so badly he radiated it like a sunburn. My heart went out to him. Then I saw Alex's reaction and I knew I was right. Alex and I usually react to things the same way. We have been together so long we think alike. Alex often says he thinks I can read his mind. Sometimes I think I can. So I knew we had to have Jose that very first night. What did I give John for him? I would prefer not to say, but let me put it this way, John has always thought I had a hot ass, now he knows. He made it extremely hot then felt it from the inside out. Yes, I was willing to do that to get Jose. I think he has been worth it!
It took me along time to help him through all his issues but I think this story proves that my efforts have been worth it. Perhaps I should of had him write something like this a long time ago. Let me add one more thing here. Some of you have wondered if Jose started college last fall when Alex did. No he didn't. You see, Jose does have a great body. I am proud of his body and with a lot of work I have made him proud of it too. The reason he didn't start college is that I managed to land him a modeling contract. Yes, my Jose is a model. The market in Texas right now for Latino models is hot. With his looks and body he was a shoe in. I wonder some times if his so called family and friends in his ex religion see his picture and think about him? Who knows with self centered fundamentalist ass holes like that. How anyone could have ever treated such a wonderful boy like Jose that badly is beyond me. My words to them if they read this is FUCK YOU!
This to me is one of those journal entries that I want to hear about. I know Jose does. He needs to hear from others in his position. He wants to help them as well as have them reaffirm he is where he belongs. E-mail me BNDMaster13@yahoo.com. Next time we will go back to Florida and pick up where we left off.