I LIKE IKE
First off, this story is a complete fantasy, is in no way true, and if any of it was even remotely true, I sure wouldn't be telling all of you! And Ike Barinholtz is straight, straight straight, has never been with a guy, would never ever be with a guy, and this is just wishful thinking. So enjoy!
So I have this tremendous crush on Ike Barinholtz, the new guy on Mad TV... I had a crush on him long before last week's episode where he made out with Josh Meyers, but that just made my crush worse, of course! Of course there was no way anything was ever gonna happen, I had no way to contact him or anything. You couldn't e-mail anything private through the website, of course, plus celebs have to be super discreet, even in this day and age. Especially since all these guys are looking to do big movies, and if you're ever going to be a romantic lead (and Ike's a natural for that) you have to have a straight image... playing around is okay (Where's My Car Dude comes to mind) but you can't be outright gay (or probably even bi.) So I'd never contact him in a million years in any way that would hurt his career. I shouldn't even be writing this but heck, like I said, it's a complete fantasy, it could never happen!
So anyway, I work in Vegas in a band there, and so I have to go through many of the big hotels and casinos a lot... I was going through one of them one day (no, I'm not gonna say which one) after just doing a corporate party, was loading out my gear, and as I'm going around this corner, BAM, run smack right into, shit, it's Ike, I can't believe it, my gear goes everywhere falling off the dolly, it's a huge mess, luckily it's late and no one else is around but I'm freaking because I can't believe it's actually him!
"Ike!!" I said, "fuck I'm sorry!" as I try to catch my falling gear, and he's trying to catch the rest of it and my gear is heavy, heavy cases and we're not having a good time of it." It's not funny but we just give up and the stuff goes bam on the floor and he's laughing and I'm laughing. I start to pick the stuff up and a million things are going through my head, I am so embarrassed and so intimidated by this guy I've been dreaming about for months, and I can't think of anything to say.
"Sorry Dude, I didn't see ya coming" he says, handing me a bag full of gear, and I'm putting stuff back on the cart.
"Hey, what are you doin' here?" I asked, then suddenly realizing, hey, it's none of my business.
"We had a few days off and I decided to finally check Vegas out." he said. "I tried to go to sleep my regular early time but couldn't do it and was heading out to see if anything was happening. You must play music." he said and I nodded as we put back an amp on the dolly. Our eyes met for a moment as the last piece of gear was restored, and he shrugged and said "Well, guess I'll see ya around..." and I said "Yeah...." and he grinned and started continuing on down the hallway.
Damn! I couldn't let him just get away like that without saying anything! "Hey, Ike..." I called after him and he stopped and turned and I stammered..."uh... um.... are you hungry or anything? I was just gonna go grab some breakfast. I'll buy..." I said, realizing how completely lame I sounded.
He looked right directly into my eyes for a minute... actually, it felt like he was boring into my soul or something. Probably thinking "What does this guy want... is he dangerous... or worse yet, a fan... but maybe.... hell, I have nothing better to do and I am hungry."
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, he grinned and said "I am hungry, and I never turn down free food... lead the way!"
So that's how it started. Over breakfast, with the cute waitress tripping all over my cart full of gear and Ike (I think she wanted him more than I did) we had an amazing time, he was full of stories of his beginnings in Chicago and incredibly funny real shit that happened. He also got a big kick out of the waitress, putting her on the whole time. She kept finding excuses to come over and flirt, and damn did he flirt with her too.
"Think I'm gonna get some tonight?" he asked, nodding toward her.
I tried to hide my true feelings. "Absolutely!"
"She wants me. Bad. I can always tell."
Shit, I was hoping is gaydar wasn't as good as his straight instincts or I was in some deep shit.
"Hey, I'll bet she'd let us make a sandwich! Whaddaya say, you want front or back?" He was playing with me as much as he was playing with her. I could tell too, so I thought I'd get real for a bit... nothing to lose at this point, we were through eating, and I sensed good-bye coming.
"Nah, not my type" I said.
"Shit, she's perfect!!! Big tits, long legs, nice face, perfect ass, what's not to like?" He was incredulous.
"Ahhh..." I just shook my head.
He looked serious for a moment, like he'd just figured out something about me. "Oh, hey, I didn't mean anything... I mean, if you're not into girls, that's perfectly fine with..."
I interrupted him with my look I guess. "Oh shit," he said, "hey you gotta know that I am 100% straight. I mean, me and Josh did that skit a few weeks back on the couch and now damn, every gay guy in the world thinks..."
He realized immediately that was probably the wrong thing to say.
"Look," I said softly, "I just asked you to breakfast. I know you're straight, of course you're straight, every guy as funny and as beautiful and as masculine and as male and with a great bass voice like you is always straight, I knew that."
"And I knew there wasn't any chance. But I thought, 'hey, you're alone, you might want some company.' That's all. Believe me, when you look like me, you never make passes, because rejection hurts too much." Now I'm not bad looking, but I ain't no Ike Barinholtz, that's for sure!
For once the waitress was leaving us alone and thank God for that! "Hey Dude, I know, believe me, I was completely fat my entire high school years, I know exactly what it's like. And you don't know what it's like now, to have everyone in the world just want to fuck you for your name, so they can brag about it to their friends, like you're some notch on their belt or something."
I nodded. "I've never been famous, but I know what it's like to have a relationship with someone just because you're onstage." And it was true, I'd had a girlfriend for five years exactly because of that.
Damn, that waitress must have gone off shift... and it looked like she was just flirting too, because she was no where to be seen. Common, all the pretty waitresses in Vegas are married or have live-in boyfriends and kids and flirting is part of the job. Ike looked around "Looks like I got stood up anyway."
"Dumb bitch." I said, cracking him up. "I mean it." I said. "What the hell's wrong with her?"
He looked at me, seriously. I felt like I was melting. I HATE that feeling!!!
"So you really think I'm hot, huh?" he said gently.
I looked him right in the eye and it hurt. "I went 'Damn!!" the first time you did one of those try-out skits, you know, before you actually get the real gig?"
"Yeah?" he said. "You know about those?"
"Yeah. You were, I mean, you are, incredible."
He pushed, leaning back, and said "Hmmm."
I kept looking down. I couldn't look him in the eye anymore. Weird.
"Say, hypothetically, if I were to happen to invite you up to my room, because you've never seen what the rooms look like here and you were curious, and say, I happened to fall asleep, and say, uh, you kind of had free reign of the situation and, uh, could I trust you to never tell anyone? I mean, my entire future movie career could depend on you keeping your mouth shut.FOREVER."
My heart was pounding so hard and so fast I thought it was going to break out of my chest. I couldn't believe my ears. I looked up at Ike again to make sure I'd really heard right.
"You could trust me with your life." I said, meaning much more.
He pursed his lips and nodded. "I think I know that." he said. "You're a good guy." He made a move to get up, and I followed, and he said "You know I won't be able to, uh... return any favors..." he said, and I nodded, speechless. "And that's okay with you?" he asked.
"Okay?" I said. "That's more than I could ever ask for, are you crazy????"
He grinned. "Cool. Let's get the fuck out of here. That bitch gave me major wood, and it's not going away anytime soon."
The trip to the room was a blur. It was almost 4 AM, the casino and elevator lobby were completely deserted, and I could hardly look at Ike as we went up in the elevator, that silly stupid cart with all my gear our constant companion. I was afraid if I looked at him he'd change his mind or something, and it was a long ride up to his floor, so it was starting to feel like a comedy skit, with one of those uncomfortable silences. I mean, what more do you say? I think each of us was afraid we'd say something to fuck up the situation. I have no idea what was going through Ike's head, whether he'd let another guy before or what, so I wasn't going to take a chance and ask any questions. We reached his floor, were at his room and in it in a flash (this later part seemed like it was happening in slow motion but actually like it was happening super fast,) and then we were in and Ike shut the door.
"Hey, make yourself comfortable" he said, "I gotta take a wicked piss."
I took off my tux jacket (yeah, I was wearing my stupid work tux the whole time) and sat on the double bed. Ike left the bathroom door open and I could hear the strong stream of piss hit the water... damn, he wasn't lying. I hadn't had much to drink during breakfast, so I was cool. I couldn't see around into the bathroom (and wouldn't have peeked anyway) but when Ike came out he'd already unbuttoned his long sleeve white shirt, exposing that awesome hairy chest. I think he's perfectly defined, not too ripped, just nice, and that hair with that sweet cute jock baby face of his and I was just in awe. I couldn't believe this was happening, I swear it was better than any fantasy I'd ever had. He came over to the edge of the bed where I was sitting and stood beside me and put his hand on the back of my neck and started rubbing my long hair and my neck through my hair! Damn I thought I was gonna die! I never expected that. I looked up at him for permission and he gave it nodding slightly. My hands were shaking as it went for his pants and slowly, shakingly, unbuttoned his fly. He took a step closer and at the same time pulled my head gently toward his pants and I knew what he wanted, and pressed my mouth and face against his basket. He moaned deeply at that first contact, and I could feel his huge hardness under the material, throbbing with the beat of his heart. I licked him through the material, my hands reaching up and around to grip his tight ass and squeeze his perfect globes, not to hard, not too soft. Damn my Ike baby was horny! Slowly he eased his pants down, and I could see the huge outline of his amazing cock through his briefs, with a growing wet spot where the massive head was leaking copious amounts of clear fluid. As soon as I saw that, I was like a wild animal, licking his shaft through the briefs, pressing my lips against it, trying to suck it into my mouth through the cloth itself. Finally Ike couldn't take anymore, stepped sideways out of his pants, kicking them across the room where they hit the wall with a loud slap and then shoved his briefs down, exposing his magnificent thick eight inch cock... damn, it was beautiful, dark markings making it look even bigger than it was. He stepped forward up to me again and cried out and I engulfed its entire length into my throat in one swoosh.
"Fuck" he cried out, probably surprised! "Goddamn, that's awesome!" he said as I started milking it with my throat muscles, humming as I did so, the vibrations overwhelming Ike with a sensory overload. I started bobbing my head up and down, reclaiming my hold on the globes of his ass, when he suddenly jumped back, pulling out of my mouth
"Damn!" he cried, "fuck it's so good, not just yet!" he cried, and I could see from the way his beautiful cock was throbbing that he was trying hard to hold back from coming. Shit, my bad, I should have paid more attention to his balls... when they pull way up and that wrinkled little sack gets hard, that's just when a guy's about to shoot. I'd been paying so much attention to his ass and not tickling his balls with my fingers like I usually do, and just enjoying the hell out of it so much myself I didn't notice he was almost there!!!
He stood there, looking like a God, sweating profusely, his chest heaving for a few moments, and then said "Okay. Okay." Then he grinned at me "Damn you are fucking awesome!!!" He pulled his shirt off the rest of the way, kicked out of his briefs, and went over to the head of the bed and flopped himself down, leaning back on his arms. God the man is the most beautiful man on this earth, and all the more beautiful for granting me this magnificent privilege. Okay, it's corny, but that's what I was feeling.
I laid down on the bed between his legs and started a lot slower this time, licking his huge brown ball sac... damn he liked that! That beautiful prick of his was dripping just like a faucet as I sucked, first one, then another, into my mouth, gently laving them with my tongue. I reached up with my hands and ran my hands over his hairy pecs, tweaking his nipples which already were hard and pointed. He moaned and I knew I'd found a hot spot, and so took a chance and traveled up his torso with my mouth to see if I could work his nipples with my tongue, gently chewing and biting them.
"Fuck" he said, "that feels so fucking good!" He knew his deep resonant bass voice inspired me to greater pleasure giving, and it did. I worked his nipples until he couldn't stand it any more, and he begged "my cock, please suck my cock!" I worked my way back down his hairy belly and treasure trail, and once again engulfed that mighty manhood into my loving mouth and throat. This time I wasn't going to stop; we had all night and Ike had more than one good cum in him, I knew that. I worked every inch of that fleshy pole, and Ike gently put both hands on the back of my head and urged me on, gradually getting into a wonderful face-fucking pace. I took it, he gave a sudden guttural moan and then a cry, and torrents of his hot manseed poured into me, tasting incredible. How could it be otherwise? I drank every drop, and even after his hands fell away, wouldn't let him out of my mouth. As he softened I licked in small circles at the underside of his penis, that super sensitive part that can still stand it, while avoiding the head and sides that can't stand any kind of stimulation after coming. He moaned softly in ecstasy as the feelings ebbed away while I gently licked that magic place. Finally he pulled me off.
What a look. His eyes said it all. "Dude, that was fucking fantastic!!! Thank you so much!"
I looked back into his eyes. "Thank you!"
He looked over at the clock on the nightstand. "You gotta be anywhere?" he asked.
"No," I said. There would be some explaining when I got home, probably, but for now and all the trouble in the world I wasn't going anywhere unless Ike wanted me to leave.
He grinned. "Cool. He leaped out of bed "gotta take a piss" and once again that stream was hitting the toilet.
He came out and asked "Hey, you want me to give you a hand job or something?" and my eyes must have opened a mile wide.
"Don't look so surprised" he said "I'm a nice guy... I can lend a bud a hand from time to time if need be."
And far be it from me to turn down a hand job from Ike Barinholtz, but truth was, I couldn't get it up just then if my life depended on it... I'd popped in my pants the same exact moment Ike had come!
"Ike, damn, thanks! I already came when I was doing you!"
"Fuck," he smiled, incredulously. "For real? You came from getting me off?"
I nodded.
"Damn, I didn't know that was possible!"
I nodded. "It is. When you're blowing the hottest stud in he world."
He threw a pillow at me "Keep that up and I'll know you're full of shit!"
I threw it back at him, and for a few seconds, yes, a real pillow fight erupted. We didn't get too far though, because little Ike (well, not so little Ike) was standing at attention again.
"Hey, uh, XXxx" (he said my name, which of course I'm not going to say here for privacy purposes) "uh.... would you mind dropping your pants for a minute?"
"What for?" I asked, still punchy from the pillow fight.
"I wanna see your ass." he said, suddenly very serious.
I got REALLY serious. This was just too much to hope for. So I didn't. I stood up, turned around, and dropped my pants like Ike asked. My briefs too.
Silence.
"Well?" I asked, afraid to look.
More silence.
I turned my head around slowly and saw Ike, looking in the direction of my ass, but also far way, a million miles away as he absent-mindedly was fisting his huge cock.
"Ike?" I asked...
He shook his head suddenly, coming out of whatever reverie he'd been in. "Oh, sorry, hey Dude, that's not a bad ass there."
Pause.
"Actually, for a guy, it's kind of a nice ass."
Pregnant pause.
"I wanna fuck you."
Long pause.
"Did you hear me?" he said, with a slight edge this time. "I said I wanna fuck your ass."
I turned around slowly. "Ike, are you sure this isn't gonna screw with your head or anything? Being gay is no fun, Ike. It can be major fucked up and major painful. And I don't want you to ever go through any of that. I don't even want you to think you're gay, or even bi, to have to question that."
He looked so serious, and so thoughtful. "I can fuck your ass and still be straight."
"Yes you can, Ike. Happens every day in prison. And in schools. And in the Marines. Just as long as YOU know that, and you're okay with that."
He nodded. "I think so. Look, I'm still fucking hard as a goddamn rock, I wanna fuck your chubby soft flat male ass, damnit!"
And we both burst out laughing!!
"Ike, Goddamnit, you can have any part of me you want, anytime!"
"So get your ass over here and tell me what to do... you've been fucked before, right?"
I nodded.
"Are we gonna need any lube or lotion or oil or anything?"
"Not the way you drool, stud, but we are gonna need condoms."
"Condoms I got!" he said, leaping off the bed again to his suitcase where he broke out a pak and in no time had it covering up that beautiful prick.
"Doggy style" was all he said, and I got up on the bed on all fours, and before I knew it I could feel his body heat at my rear.
"Go slow" I said, "we don't have lube, the condom will make it slip in easier, but you're big and thick, you have to go slow."
"I will" he said, his hard cock seeing the entrance. "Here?" he asked.
"A bit lower" I said, crouching my back down more.
"There, right there" and he pushed, plopping the head in. Ah, the familiar pain. I wasn't about to have him pull out though.
"Stop, don't move. Just keep it there for a sec."
"You okay?" he said, concerned.
"Fine" I grunted.
"Damn, ain't you never been fucked before?" he asked. "Get this fucking shirt off" he said, pulling my shirt up over my head. Slowly as he did this his prick was inching more and more up inside me, but gently.
"Damn, I'm all the way in!" he said, incredulously. "You okay?" he asked.
"Yes, it feels fantastic." I said. And damnit, it did! Ike leaned against me, his furry chest against my back, and damn it felt wonderful! Slowly and masterfully he stroked in and out, very slowly and gently at first, and as I started feeling really good as he stroked my prostate and started hunching back, he started thrusting deeper and harder, which started that familiar series of chills all up and down my spine, and about nine minutes into the wonderful fuck, started pile driving for all he was worth. Kept that up for about five minutes (I guess the first come and the condom was giving him staying power) and then he said "Hey, flip over on your back, will ya?"
I did, and he took my legs and put them on his shoulders. "Damn you got big strong legs!" and like the expert he was quickly becoming, quickly found my hole and plunged right in. I couldn't believe it, I could see every expression on his gorgeous face, the sweat running down his body, the hair matted and drenched, as he power slammed into me, rocking my body with such sensations I thought I was going to die. The chills started up again, and the tickling in my prostate, and I knew, without even being hard, that I was gonna come, and then Ike looked down at me, right in my eyes, and I knew. His eyes closed, and damn if we didn't both come at exactly the same moment, in silence, my convulsing tunnel gripping him so tightly as he thrust one final mighty bone cracking thrust and unloaded into me, convulsion after convulsion of release. He fell on me, his face next to mine, his chin on my shoulder, and my legs fell down, and gradually he softened and with a plop fell out of me, but still neither of us moved. After about ten minutes of just lying their plastered together with sweat and cum, he raised up and gently kissed me on the mouth, just gentle and outside at first, and then another kiss came, this one deeper and with tongue and damn, I can't describe how incredibly right it was at that moment.
Love means never having to say thank you, and we cleaned up in silence and got dressed. Another long kiss at the door and me and my cart and my music gear were one again out in the hall, alone, as if it had never happened.
But it did, it was a full eight hours later, the sun was coming up, and I had Ike's personal e-mail and phone number in my pocket, and he had mine. And I knew that what we had would never be anything more than wild incredibly fulfilling occasional sex, but that was all we both needed from the other. And what we gave so perfectly well to each other. Over time we became great fuck buddies as well, but that's another story, and not nearly as interesting as this one!
It's a complete fantasy, it's my hope this doesn't cause anyone any pain or trouble.
If you liked my story, e-mail me at ilikeike@fastemail.us