DISCLAIMER: Nope, do not know them or anything about them. Sorry there.
NOTE: Oh, and I have another story out that's completely finished and a Nick/Brian. You can read it at:
http://www.geocities.com/beautydivagurl/merrychristmasindex.html
Chapter 10
"Do you have a light?"
"Smoking is bad for you. It ruins your lungs."
"Drinking is bad for you. It ruins your liver."
"There's matches in the side table." I grabbed for the matches in the side table, smirking at Brian as he sat next to me, drinking from a chute of champagne.
"Um, there's something we need to talk about Nick." Brian said softly, sitting next to me on my hotel bed.
"And that would be?" I asked nervously, still not believing that we were friends once again. I hastily put out my cigarette and watched him closely. He sighed, his fingers twirling the bed sheet below him absentmindedly. I stared at his chiseled features, my eyes roaming over his body, betraying my air of indifference. He looked up from the bed, his eyes connecting with mine. I smiled gently, awaiting his response.
"It's just...I've been thinking lately..." He stopped, a slight blush filling his cheeks.
"Go on, I'm listening." I said gently, giving him a warm, charming smile. He laughed slightly, turning away from me slightly.
"It's just...I really missed you, and I don't know what I was thinking when I ignored you...I feel so angry with myself. To think I...I did what I did and then I just ignored you flat out...I should have thought of your feelings before I did such a heartless thing. The truth is...The truth is..." His breath came out in short gasps and I noticed he was shaking slightly from effort. Not knowing what to say, I simply waited for him to say what he was going to say. He finally mustered up enough courage to lock eyes with me, never shifting his gaze.
He swallowed before he spoke. "I only married LeighAnne because I was forced to. You see, my parents forced me to marry her or they'd expose me to the world. Not only that, they would have tried to hurt you. I did what was best for you and left you. I never wanted to go, I'm still in love..." He stopped slightly, almost as if he regretted what he said. He looked down at the sheets again, blushing a furious red. I gathered up my own courage and lifted his chin, cupping his face lovingly with my outstretched hand. He leaned into my touch, relaxing generously.
"Shh...I know baby." I said softly, staring unblinkingly into his crystal gaze. He sighed, reaching out to touch my face also. I felt a tear drip from his eye and I wiped it away gently.
"I just missed you so much Nick..." He said, emotion filling his every word. I pulled his face towards my own, staring into his eyes. I saw him close his eyes, and I shuddered in anticipation as I also closed my eyes. I nearly lost control of myself as I felt his lips touch mine once again. It felt like the first time all over again. I deepened the kiss, and all I could see was red as I pushed him slowly onto his back, taking control of him. I held his hands the entire time we were locked in that fervent kiss , losing myself in my love. The fire between us rekindled as we fell into a sensuous rhythm, our bodies speaking volumes. I pulled away from the kiss, receiving a slight moan of exasperation from Brian. I opened my eyes once again, expecting to see his beautiful face...But it was not Brian who lay pinned underneath me now. It was AJ.
"Hey Nick, wake your ass up." AJ yelled at me from underneath me, shaking me roughly. I screamed, falling off the bed farther and farther in a downward spiral...
"Nick, get your fat ass up, damn!" AJ yelled again, pulling me up to my feet. The dimly lit bedroom had vanished and instead I was laying sprawled out on the floor of our tour bus. I groaned, feeling a lump in the back of my head.
"Where am I?" I groaned, letting AJ pull me up.
"You're on the bus man. I was trying to wake your ass up when you started screaming like a bat out of hell and rolled out of your bunk. I don't know what the hell you were dreaming, but it woke me up. You kept talking in your sleep." I cursed to myself as I realized that it was all a dream. Then I processed what AJ said.
"Talking in my sleep? What did I say?" I asked frantically, turning around to look at AJ. AJ smiled, beginning to check and see if anyone else woke up. "AJ, really, what did I say?" I asked desperately, beckoning him with my eyes.
"Some things that would be embarrassing if anyone else besides me had heard." I flushed a deep shade of crimson and he laughed.
"Just some things. You need to get up anyways. It's already noon and I'm damn surprised Kevin isn't even up yet. He must have gotten stoned last night in town. By the way, we're leaving for home in two days." I snapped my head up in surprise.
"Two days?! Oh no..." I moaned, falling back onto the floor.
"What's wrong?" AJ asked worriedly, his parental side taking over.
"Nothing, just nothing...I need to get something to drink." I said quickly, prying myself from the floor and heading toward the kitchen. I grabbed a carton of chocolate milk and drank some, not bothering to wipe my mouth. AJ walked into the kitchen a moment later grabbing the same milk jug and drinking out of it. He smirked at me.
"Like the milk?" He asked, reaching toward my mouth. He put his fingers to my upper lip and wiped off the remains of the milk. He slowly moved his fingers a little lower, tracing my lips lightly. He left them there for a moment before snapping back into reality and lowering his hand. Well that certainly was odd . I licked my lips out of habit and rested my hand on the small kitchen table.
"AJ, what was that?" I asked bluntly, surprising myself with my boldness.
"Nothing. I'm going to bed." He got up sharply and walked quickly to his bed again. I sighed, resting my head on my hands. I sat there for a few minutes until I felt someone poke my arm.
"I'm going Kev." I mumbled, figuring it was Kevin coming to herd me back into bed.
"You can stay as long as you don't tell Kevin about me." Came a new voice. I was startled a bit, blushing as I saw it was Brian. The dream was still lingering in my mind, so it seemed a bit awkward talking to him after that. "I got hungry for some of that mint chocolate chip ice cream Joey bought at the convenient store." True to his word, he found a bowl in a cupboard, dug around for the ice cream, and began scooping mounds of it into a bowl.
"How can you eat that crap?" I asked him quietly as he sat down on a nearby stool with the bowl cradled in his hands.
"Like this." He picked up some on his spoon and lapped it up like a cat would lap up milk. I laughed, shaking my head.
"Only you Brian, only you." Brian clasped his hands together, leaning on my shoulder earnestly, fluttering his eyelashes.
"Only you...Can make this world..." He started to sing before I shook him off my arm in mock annoyance. Don't start singing to me Brian. That would not be good what with me still lusting after you...
"So, have you heard the sad news?" Brian asked seriously, staring at his spoonful of ice cream for a mint chip.
"What sad news?" I asked.
"Joey and Amanda aren't coming on the promotions tour."
"Damn it." I said. I really was upset. Now who would listen to my problems besides Howie? I'm pretty sure Howie is sick of fixing my problems. I might as well not even show up for the damn promotional shit.
"Yeah, but I'm trying to find someone to take along next time..."
"How about Alfando?" I blurted out. Whoops. Brian looked at my odd look and I knew this wasn't going to be pretty.
"Who's Alfando?" He asked lightly, sounding like he was trying hard to sound aloof.
"Um, no one."
"You never were able to lie you know."
"You were." I said, once again blurting out. I find myself doing that often lately. To my surprise, Brian looked kind of uncomfortable. He abandoned eating his ice cream and stared at the melting puddle vacantly. I tried to come up with something to say, but I drew a giant blank.
"Err, what I meant to say was..."
"Don't apologize. Don't ever apologize." Brian said sharply giving me a piercing look. His tone caught me off guard, and I couldn't help but stare at him perplexed. He, too, seemed intimidated by his own voice and started back down at his bowl.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize Brian." I said quietly, wondering to myself when our innocent conversation turned into a full-fledged soap opera. As if my musings were true, he spoke again, in a hushed whisper.
"You know, I never meant to hurt you." Brian whispered, bravely staring at my face. The few words he had spoken spoke volumes to me. I fixedly stared at him, trying to read his facial expressions. I was about to say something when someone entered the room.
"Bri-Bear, where have you been...Oh, it's you." LeighAnne spat out disgustedly, wearing what looked like a cheap piece of Wal-Mart lingerie. This woman does not look good in seducing red. Her face resembled a disgusted shrew. But I did notice now that her eyes betrayed her face because they were currently scanning my body. It was really quite gross.
"Pleased to see you Leigh." I said smoothly, smiling at her widely. She looked strangely perturbed by my willingness to call her `Leigh', but that soon passed.
"What are you doing up this late honey?" She asked Brian sweetly, sitting very close to him and kissing his ear lobe. Brian flushed and tried to stop her, apparently worried that I would get pissed. Instead, I bit my lip in thought and a smile instantly appeared on my face.
"Well, aren't you two a cute couple?" I said happily, smiling at the two of them even more broadly. They both stared at me, both probably thinking that I had gone temporarily insane. I seized the moment of utter disbelief for my advantage.
"You also look really good in that lingerie, Leigh. Wherever did you get such a sexy thing?" I asked in awe, staring at her `tasteful' night clothes.
"Victoria Secrets." She muttered, looking quite shocked at my sudden nice behavior. I guess Brian was too, because he couldn't say a single word. I smiled again, trying hard not to smirk and look genuine.
"Well then, I'd better get to bed now. I'll leave the two of you alone since you don't get much time together what with the tour and all." Okay, that was a downright lie since they see each other every day. I gracefully left the kitchen, leaving the two baffled people behind me. I grunted as I ran into someone in the dark hallway, realizing too late that it was Kevin. I muttered an apology and tried to sweep past him, but he put one of his abnormally large hands on my chest and pushed me into place in front of him. Great, now I was going to be lectured. But to my surprise, Kevin's statuesque face twisted into a lopsided grin. I was stunned, but I felt considerably more relieved as I realized he wasn't going to `punish' me after all.
"That was a very mature thing you did back there." Kevin said, his eyes radiating wisdom and knowledge beyond my years. I swallowed, saying `yeah' bleakly.
"I should've given it to her..."
"I know."
"I shouldn't have left like that."
"I know."
"It doesn't feel good..."
"I know."
"But it does feel right."
"I know."
"Did anyone tell you about her..."
"I know."
"I should let him decide then."
"I know." Kevin finished for me, moving aside to let me lie down in my bunk. I rushed past him and fell into bed. I half expected the tears to fall, but they didn't. I only had a dull aching inside, but it wasn't sympathy for myself anymore. Now I only felt sorry for Brian. Feeling sorry for myself and trying to fool myself into thinking nothing is worth living for without Brian was wrong. I had my entire life to live, and I had many lessons to learn. Brian was just one of them.
I fell asleep easily that night, feeling at peace for the first time for as long as I could remember.
"If Backstreet fans suck...then N Sync fans swallow." -Unknown