___________________________________________________________________________ Warning: If you don't tolerate or approve of the gay lifestyle please leave now.
This is pure fiction. No one in this story is a real person, living or deceased. Any similarities is just a coincidence. ___________________________________________________________________________
I Shall Believe Chapter 1
No matter how good Ivan Brody was at masking his face with a passive expression and keeping a flat tone in every conversation he had, still there were days when everything he mastered seemed to just fade away and he loses control of everything inside him. Unfortunately, today was one of them. He wiped away a stray tear from his cheek as he watched the lively crowd from his little corner of the cafeteria. He missed it so much. He was once a part of that crowd, the happy and popular crowd. Everything changed so quickly around him after that incident.
He would never forget the day when all of them turned their backs on him. How could they not just care? They were supposed to be his friends. After long months of going crazy about who's at fault and who's to blame, he decided to not care about all of it. "Fuck them all! If they don't care about me, why would I care about them?" It was not his fault and he's definitely not doing anything wrong. The thing that pissed him more is that he was not the one who's really responsible for that incident. He was the victim not the culprit. Lying was an option but there's no use in denying it either, right?
Looking back to that day replaced his wistfulness with hatred. It grew more and more every second he saw those happy faces that already forgot about him. But before he could be swallowed in all the anger and hate, he was surprised by a boy staring at him in the middle of crowd. The acknowledgement of his presence was enough to distract him from keeping his cold expression but as soon as he recognized the boy -- tall and lean with bronze skin, brown hair and blue eyes. His anger went to a level that he almost exploded. He faced the blue eyes that were staring at him and as though meeting Ivan's eyes could turn him into stone, the other boy quickly looked away. Coward, Ivan thought to himself. It was the boy's fault after all. It was him who pushed Ivan under the bus.
"He's never going to apologize to you. You know that, right?" Ivan was surprised to hear her. He pulled on his passive face and stared at the curly brunette that sat across him. "You're still not playing this game, are you?" The girl asked him impatiently.
"What game, Alex?" Ivan paused as if to think and then quickly added, "Oh! You mean the game of ignoring each other? The game you all started that I was forced to participate in?" The girl winced upon hearing his words. It almost caught Ivan off guard but he knew better than that. If he let his guard down, they'd be walking all over him again. "In case you missed it, I actually looked at you." Ivan moved his head closer to her and kept his gaze on her eyes. "See these." He pointed to his eyes. "I'm looking at you right now. I'm actually acknowledging your presence which is something you failed to do for quite a while now."
"Ivan..." He could tell she's going to apologize. She'd done it a couple of times but he refused to hear it. Apologies don't do anything. They just save the guilty from the guilt but what would it do to him? It's not like the apology could make all the pain go away. It's not like it could undo everything and take it all back to normal.
"Whatever." He said as he put on his ear phones. Alex knew it was her cue to leave, so she did. Ivan turned his chair to face the wall so no one would see the tears falling from his eyes.
Ivan finished his lunch and headed towards the quad. On his way, he saw the boy looking at him again. Challenging him to a staring contest is pointless since the boy would just look away by the time their eyes meet so he just ignored him. He walked a little more until the concrete met the grass and he reached the big willow tree where he normally stayed before his next class. It was his haven. No one comes in that little corner of the quad. It's funny actually. It's as if everyone tried to hang out on the center of the quad like being in the center means you're actually the center of attention.
"Admit it fag!" A loud voice said. "I..." Ivan shivered, struggling to find words. "Can't speak now? What? Sucked too many cocks?" Another one added. "Please..." He desperately looked around, trying to find someone for help. At that moment, two faces were his only hope. "Guys?"
Ivan was brought back to reality by the school bell. Another tear, another slip. What's happening to him?
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful which was expected for the first week of school. He took his classes and participated as much as he could in the discussions to distract himself. Other students ignored him and the others made jokes about him. The teachers didn't even care but at least they knew how to treat Ivan with respect for the great mind that he has. He stayed late for an extra lab and a writing class. It's not like he needed the extra credits. He just wanted to learn more and besides, it keeps him from going home sooner.
He walked on the empty hallway towards his locker to get the books he needed for homework when he noticed something written on his locker. FAG. The word, all in capital letters, was written on his locker. In pink spray paint. He almost laughed at it. He didn't care about it at all. It was more of ridiculous to him rather than hurtful. He knew things could have been worse like guys from the football team beating him or the cheerleaders manipulating everything against him. He didn't know why but somehow the word fag written in pink across his locker made him smile.
"Look's like someone decided to smile today." His heart skipped. He didn't need to turn around to see who it was. He knew exactly who he was.
"Nah. I just found the thought of being alone very exhilarating." Ivan made a very sarcastic smile for the bronze boy. "Oh, I guess I should thank you for that one."
"Look..."
There it is again, the apology. Ivan was quick to cut him off. "And thanks for this one too." He said as he put a hand on the word FAG on his locker. "But make sure next time use blue, okay? Or do I need to remind you that it's my favorite color?" Ivan noticed the same expression he saw from Alex. Hurt. He decided to walk away before guilt could take the best of him.
"Ivan, I swear I didn't..."
"Save it for someone who wants to hear it Michael." He said with a wave, not even bothering to turn around to face the boy. The walk towards outside the main building was long. He didn't fail to hear Michael's footsteps as the boy seemed to follow him since he walked away but he ignored him anyway. Ivan rode his car and drove home.
Ivan arrived at an empty house. Not that it was a surprise or anything. His father left him right after that moment he came out during dinner last year. His mother, however, is a different story. She hugged him and told him that she will love him no matter what. She didn't even stand to run after her husband and beg him to stay. Instead, she cried to Ivan, worried about his future. They talked a lot since then. She was the only thing he had, especially after being abandoned by his friends. Well, until she left Ivan too. For good. Just the thought of her made it harder to breathe for Ivan. He tried to relax himself as he went to his room and lay on the bed.
"Guys?" He pleaded. He looked at the two of them with begging eyes.
The girl looked away. The boy, however, took a step forward from the circle of students surrounding Ivan and said, "Just admit it, Ivan."
"Just admit it cake boy!" The others shouted.
His eyes shot open. Twice in one day. Weird. He sighed to himself. He got up from the bed and wondered if he still has those pizza leftovers from last night. He went down to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Besides the pitcher of water and two eggs, it was empty. I really need a job, he thought.
Michael was talking to Ivan. He already forgave the boy for that incident last year. His best friend was telling him the story about how he became the captain of the football team. Ivan was dreaming and somehow, he could feel it. "What time is it?" He asked the boy.
"7:30." Michael grinned at him.
"Crap!" Ivan shouted, finding himself in his room, alone. He rushed to the bathroom, took a bath and brushed his teeth. He took his bike from the garage and pedaled as fast as he could.
Upon arriving at the empty hallways, he already knew he was late. "Crap." He said to himself as he stood in front of his locker with the word FAG still written on it. Upon opening it, pictures fell from his locker. "Crap, crap, crap!" He knelt down to pick the pictures up. His eyes widened after seeing that the pictures were still shots from gay porn. He looked around to see if anyone's watching before examining the pictures more. "What the hell?" He whispered as he noticed that in all of the pictures of the guys having sex, one of the faces was replaced with his.
"There you are!" Someone exclaimed from the far end of the hallway. Ivan quickly gathered the pictures and put them inside his locker before closing it. "You're tardy, Mr. Brody." He recognized the woman after seeing her red hair and her suit.
"And good morning to you too, Principal Allen." He said with a nod, silently wishing it would change the subject. The woman didn't respond. When Ivan met her eyes, she raised an eyebrow. "Look, I swear I tried my hardest to get here on time. I just woke up really late."
Silence. The woman didn't even lower her eyebrow as she held his gaze. Ivan sighed then said, "Just give me the punishment."
"Excuse me. I'm looking for Mrs. Allen, the principal?" A boy with platinum blond hair behind them asked, interrupting the conversation.
"Ah. Just in time Mr. Hawke." The principal turned to smile at the boy.
"No he's not. He's late." Ivan said bitterly.
"I'm afraid he's not." The woman smiled as Ivan's face grew with confusion. "He's a transferee. He doesn't have to attend any of his classes until this afternoon or until you tour him around the school at least."
"Cool." The boy smiled at Ivan as he came beside him. Ivan didn't appreciate it though. He kept his eyes on the principal.
"Now, off you go." She gave the boys a light shove. She walked away then said, "Consider this your punishment Mr. Brody."
"Hey, I'm Jesse." The boy smiled and offered his hand.
Ivan looked at the boy's hand and then examined him from head to toe. "Ivan." He said as he walked away, not bothering to shake the other boy's hand.
"Not a morning person, are we?" Jesse asked after catching up with Ivan, still smiling. Ivan just kept on walking. "Uhm, nice school." He didn't even look at Jesse. "Are we having the tour now?" Ivan stopped and glared at him. "I just thought that the tour involved talking about the school facilities."
"Oh, I'm sorry." Ivan stopped by the stairs to the second floor then said, "This is the stairs towards the second floor. Follow me, please." Ivan took a step and Jesse followed him. "This is the first step which will lead you to the next step." He stepped up one foot at a time. "Be careful with your step." Jesse grunted. "Then this is the second step--
"Are you seriously going to do that during the whole tour?" Jesse said with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"Are you seriously expecting me to give you a tour?" Ivan scoffed. "Please. I have way better things to do that are worth my time." He quickly walked away towards the quad.
"What is your problem?" Jesse walked faster to catch him. They were halfway across the quad when he caught Ivan's shoulder and turned him around.
"What?!" Now that they're at the open air, Ivan felt it free to shout.
"I said, what's your problem?!" The other boy shouted back.
"My problem? You are my problem! I'm late for my Algebra class where I have a test by the way; a test that I prepared so hard for the other night. And now I'm not even sure if she's going to let me take an extra test. If I don't ace this test, my GPA will be messed up."
"And I'm your problem because?"
"Because you show up here for school, late if I may add, with this annoyingly happy personality like `Hi, I'm Mr. Sunshine and we can live together in a perfect little happy world.' People like you piss me off. "
"You don't even know me." Ivan saw the light vanish from Jesse's face. He went too far. Even he knew it. Jesse shook his head and walked away.
"Well, you don't know me either!" He yelled to the boy. Jesse kept on walking and gave him the finger.
Comments are appreciated. Thanks for reading guys!