Warning: If you don't tolerate or approve of the gay lifestyle please leave now.
This story is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. ___________________________________________________________________________
All day Sunday Ivan had been afraid to call Michael. The ride home from the cliff had been awkwardly quiet, Ivan feeling drained from the emotion of declaring his love, and Michael just being quiet. Ivan didn't know what to think, Michael either loved him or hated him but he wasn't saying anything. And as Monday morning dawned, Ivan's stomach was in knots.
It surely didn't help ease his anxiety when Michael and Alex unexpectedly picked him up for school.
"Good morning." Michael greeted him with a friendly smile as he climbed up the jeep.
Ivan was surprised with Michael's casualness but he recovered quickly. He smiled back at him and greeted Alex. "Hey." It was short and concise, but that was the most anyone ever got out of him as a pleasantry that early in the morning. In addition to the dread he was feeling about how his revelation had affected his friendship with Michael, Ivan was also ashamed that he'd kissed him. Alex would never forgive him for that.
They rode off with Michael driving, Alex talking incessantly about the Homecoming Dance, and Ivan sitting quietly in between them. Ivan made a few comments here and there, pretending he was listening to Alex. It was just like they had picked up where they had left things off way back in their sophomore year before the whole Andy situation had ever happened—no abandonment, no year of pain, no reconciliation, and most of all, no declaration of love by Ivan to Michael.
"What happened to you at the dance, Ivan? You just bailed." Alex asked.
Ivan looked at Michael to see if the question stirred him in any way. But Michael didn't look away from his driving. No look of worry on his face, not even a hint of guilt about keeping his girlfriend in the dark about what had really happened that night.
Thinking it might be best to go with Michael's indifference to the situation, Ivan shrugged. "I got bored."
"I don't blame you. That was one of the worst dances ever. I just stuck around because some of my girls tipped me off that Michael and I would win Homecoming Prince and Princess."
"Really? Congrats then!" Ivan said genuinely. "But it's really not like it was a surprise or anything. You guys had it in the bag all along."
"Eh." Alex brushed off Ivan's compliment with a shrug.
When they arrived at school, Ivan noticed Michael's parking space was empty and parked in the slot next to it was Jesse's car, with Jesse sitting on the car's hood.
"And the prince and princess arrive!" Jesse greeted them once they were out of the jeep. "And of course, the handmaiden." Jesse gestured to Ivan.
Ivan stuck his tongue out while Alex waved like she was a royal out on her balcony.
"Hey, man." Michael greeted Jesse and the two bumped fists.
Ivan saw Alex smiling at the interaction while he was just amused by everything that seemed to be going on. Michael was apparently having amnesia about what had happened the night of the dance, Jesse had relinquished the parking space he had stolen from Michael, and now they were fist-bumping-buddies. Apparently, all was right in the world except for Ivan's agonizing uncertainty.
"Walk you to your class?" Michael asked Alex, offering his arm.
Alex put a hand on her chest as she feigned a sweet voice. "Why thank you, boyfriend!" She held on to Michael's arm and the two walked away.
"See you guys at lunch!" Michael called over his shoulder. Alex made air kisses towards Ivan and Jesse's direction.
"This is nice." Jesse commented as he and Ivan walked towards the building.
"If by nice you mean weird." Ivan retorted.
"Aw. You're just jealous. Wanna hold hands or something?" Jesse joked.
"I told Michael how I feel about him the night of the dance." Ivan revealed.
Jesse stopped on his tracks. "What? That is huge! Congratulations!" He gave Ivan a sideways hug. He was really thrilled for Ivan.
Ivan scoffed at Jesse's excitement. "Relax. It's not like I won a contest or anything. I certainly didn't win him so..." He trailed off with a shrug.
"Oh shit, yeah. Wait. Then why are they still..." Jesse drifted off as the realization set in.
"That's where the weirdness comes in. I mean, not that they're still together but it's like nothing's happened. Everything's just back to the way they were." Ivan explained.
"But what did Michael say when you told him?" Jesse asked.
Ivan's shoulders dropped a little as he remembered what had happened. "After I kissed him—
"You kissed him?!" Jesse whispered with excitement. He couldn't believe he'd only been grounded for a weekend and so much had seem to have happened.
"Yeah." Ivan looked down at his feet, feeling embarrassed. He meant to leave that detail out but it had slipped out of his mouth.
"Well how was it?"
"It was nothing. It wasn't like he was kissing me back. I kissed him and then he said that Alex was waiting."
"Oh..." Jesse was quiet for a few seconds, thinking it through. "He didn't kiss you back? And he mentioned Alex right after?" Ivan nodded to both questions. Jesse whistled. "That is rough. Wait, maybe you were a terrible kisser."
Ivan gave him a dirty look. "I gave him a peck. That's all."
But Jesse was still thinking it over. "Or maybe you had a breath situation."
"Stop it!" Ivan nudged him on the shoulder, chuckling with Jesse.
Jesse's face sobered up and asked, "What are you gonna do about it?"
Ivan shrugged. "Maybe I'll just leave it alone. Michael seems to be fine pretending nothing happened."
But Ivan wasn't fine with pretending at all. He wanted his feelings to matter to Michael, at least enough to elicit a reaction. He didn't want to lose Michael as a friend but he needed to know what Michael really thought of him. The boy simply hadn't given any valid response to his big confession.
It was lunch time when he finally had the perfect opportunity. Michael was in the quad, sitting alone at a table, probably waiting for Alex. Although a little hesitant, Ivan's feelings for Michael won over. He walked towards Michael's table with determination and sat across from him.
Michael had a look of surprise on his face when Ivan sat down at his table. "What happened to your tree?" He asked good-naturedly, referring to Ivan's usual lunch spot.
"I need to talk to you." Ivan said.
"Okay." Michael averted his eyes from Ivan's gaze.
"What happened Saturday night..." Ivan began.
"Was a moment of weakness on your part." Michael finished for him. "It's okay, Ivan. We can just forget about it."
"But what if I don't want to? I really do have feelings for you Michael."
Ivan reached out to Michael's hand that was resting on the table but Michael pulled it away quickly before he even touched it.
"What are you doing?" Michael hissed as he threw quick glances around the quad.
Ivan felt his eyes water up. "Michael, I love you." His voice cracked with his emotions.
Michael's face grew stern as he looked Ivan directly in the eyes. "Dammit Ivan, can't you just drop it?"
Ivan wanted a reaction and there it was. Be careful what you wish for, I guess, he thought. He swallowed the lump that was quickly forming in his throat. "I'm sorry to have bothered you." He stood up and left before Michael could see the
tear that fell from his eye.
However, Michael did see it. He called after Ivan but the boy didn't look back. Ivan went to his usual spot under the oak tree where Jesse joined him shortly.
"What happened?" Jesse asked as he sat down on the grass, noticing Ivan's watery eyes.
"He hates me." Ivan muttered.
"Who? Michael?"
He nodded. "I tried to hold his hand but he pulled away." His voice sounded a tad more whiney than he intended.
Jesse's face softened. "Do that to any adolescent boy and you'll probably get the same response."
"But he's Michael." Ivan tried to argue. Jesse had a point, but still, it was Michael. He wasn't like just any other guy.
"And he's not exactly perfect." Jesse reasoned.
He's perfect to me, Ivan thought. He didn't want to sound pathetically in love, so he didn't comment any further.
"Tell you what," Jesse said in a brighter voice. "Let's make you feel all better." Ivan looked at him expectantly so he continued. "Why don't I throw a party this weekend at my place?"
Ivan's brow shot up. "Didn't you just get grounded doing for that?"
"You're welcome." Jesse said with a cheeky grin to which Ivan couldn't help but roll his eyes.
"You don't have to do that, Jesse. Really, I'm fine."
Jesse made a face. "You are so selfish, you know that? What makes you think I'm doing it just for you?" He finished with a satisfied smirk.
"You're inviting Max, aren't you?" Ivan asked. He almost forgot that those two still weren't on speaking terms. "I don't think he'll come running to your invite though."
Jesse held up a finger and said, "That is why I'm inviting the whole school."
Ivan gave him a challenging look. "Right. Like you could fit the whole student body in your house."
Jesse rolled his eyes. He'd just said that for effect. But as usual, Ivan had pulled him back down to the ground. "Alright, fine. Maybe just the Alliance, and a few other people. I'll talk to Alex about the guest list."
"If you put it that way, then I guess it's fine. Throw a party to make me feel better." Even though he knew that a party wouldn't help how he was feeling, the idea of helping Jesse with Max was the perfect distraction he needed. It would be nice to focus on someone else's problem for a change.
Friday couldn't have arrived any more slowly. Ivan spent his days avoiding Michael, but at the same time secretly wishing he'd run into him and it would be Michael who'd want to talk to him for a change. But it never went that way. They weren't left alone. There was always Alex or Jesse. And at the times they were alone, Michael gave him the silent treatment. Apparently, they were only friends when someone else was around. After Ivan realized that, he avoided Alex and him altogether as much as he could. Seeing Alex just made him feel guilty for kissing Michael anyway.
Since Jesse left Alex and Michael in charge of spreading the news about the party, it was what everyone was talking about on Friday morning. Even the seniors were looking forward to the party. As juniors, Alex and Michael really did have a special position in the high school elite. When Randy heard that the Alliance was invited to the party Jesse was throwing, he was stoked.
That evening, Ivan went to Jesse's early to help him set up. As he pulled up, he saw two guys walking into the house carrying kegs. The taller one appeared to be Hispanic and had black hair and deep black eyes while the shorter guy was African American. He was stockier and had bright green eyes. Jesse must have heard Ivan coming because he was immediately at the door, looking excited.
"Isn't this great?" Jesse gestured towards the young men with the kegs.
Ivan looked at them and it started to dawn on him that he had seen them elsewhere. He just couldn't figure out when and where. "Where'd you get them?"
Jesse's forehead wrinkled. "Get? You make it sound like they're strippers or something. You don't recognize them?"
Ivan looked at them intently one more time but nothing came to him. He shrugged.
"Well if you haven't officially met them. You must have at least seen either or both of them at the parties. They're students from the university." Jesse explained.
Ivan slowly nodded. "Ah. I thought they look familiar."
"Yeah. I did them a few favors." Jesse waggled his eyebrows. "I figured it was time for them to do me one." The Hispanic guy passed by them and gave Ivan a wink.
"Hey guys. Meet my friend Ivan." Jesse announced once the two of them were out in the front lawn. "Guys, this is Ivan. Ivan, these are the guys."
"What, no names?" Ivan whispered to Jesse.
"Nah. Don't bother. Quite frankly, I don't even remember who's who." Jesse shrugged his shoulders innocently.
Ivan rolled his eyes at Jesse. He exchanged pleasantries with the guys nonetheless.
"I don't want to get you into any more troubles with your parents. So are you sure this is cool?" Ivan asked after the college guys had left.
"I'm sure. They just left me with two months worth of allowance. They probably won't be home for a while." Ivan saw the sadness that crept into Jesse's face but it was quickly replaced by a smirk. "And besides, with them in town, how am I gonna be able to throw a party like this? I'm doing it for me as much as I'm doing it for you. Okay?"
"Okay." Ivan said with a sympathetic smile. He just hoped Max would show up so Jesse could patch things up with him.
Within only an hour, people started showing up at Jesse's doorsteps and soon enough the whole house and the backyard was filled with partying teens. The music made the walls of the house vibrate. Because Jesse lived in one of the more well-off residential areas of town, the houses were spaced quite far apart from each other so nosy grumpy neighbors calling the cops were the least of their problems. Jesse's boy problem however, remained unsolved. Max was nowhere to be seen at the party.
"Well this is one waste of a party." Ivan said as he sat down next to Jesse on the couch on the back porch of the house.
Jesse shrugged. "People showed up at least. Randy's been going around the house getting people to join the Alliance." Ivan snorted but didn't make any comment. "Aren't you having fun?"
"Dude, awesome party!" One of the senior varsity players said to Jesse as he passed by.
"Sick house!" The guy walking beside him, also wearing a letter jacket, added. Jesse thanked them with a satisfied smirk.
It was bizarre to Ivan. Those guys ignored them at the school, called them a bunch of names but when Jesse threw a party they suddenly became nice and friendly. Some of them even talked casually with Ivan but mostly it was the cheerleaders that talked to him.
"Surprisingly, I am." Ivan answered truthfully. Although Randy was too much to handle, the rest of the members of the Alliance turned out to be decent company. He'd been using them as a safeguard in case Alex and Michael showed up. He knew Alex would interrogate him about how he'd been acting all week.
"Well you better be. Otherwise, this would really be a pointless party. I don't think Max is coming." Jesse exhaled loudly and looked at the empty cup he was holding. "I'm gonna get me some beer. Want me to get you some?" Ivan shook his head no and Jesse left.
Jesse's spot was soon replaced by a girl Ivan recognized. She was a senior and one of the few that actually talked to him regularly. From what Ivan had heard, she was running for valedictorian so he was surprised to find her at a party.
The girl must have noticed his astonishment because her first words to him were, "What? I can party too." She had a smile on her face and that was how Ivan made her up to be—friendly and nice all over. She was giving him tips on his current classes when someone interrupted them.
"Hey, Ivan. Can I borrow you for a sec?" Ivan looked up from his seat and saw Jake standing over them.
"We're actually in the middle of something right now." Ivan said curtly.
"That's okay. I don't mind." The girl stood up and left. Ivan winced to himself. She was nice all right.
"May I?" Jake gestured at the spot on the couch beside Ivan.
"It's a free country." Ivan said absentmindedly. He was wondering if Alex and Michael had arrived yet? Should he call Max to make sure he'd show up? And where did Jake get the nerve to sit beside him? The last thought reminded him of how he was mad at Jake.
"Wow. There it goes again, déjà vu." Jake grinned as he sat down.
"What?" Ivan asked, irritated. The boy ditched him at the dance and now he was talking like it didn't happen. It made Ivan angrier. And that happy-go-lucky grin of his wasn't helping any.
Jake explained. "You know, that's the same thing you said that night when Alex and Michael first told us they were dating."
Ivan remembered that night. Yet another wrong move by Jake to remind him of how his two best friends were happily dating. "And just like the last time, I'm going to pretend that I don't know you."
"Come on. Don't be like that." Jake sighed. "I'm sorry. That girl—she didn't mean anything."
Ivan gaped. "Then you're a bigger jerk than I thought you were."
"Okay. That came out wrong. What I meant to say was," Jake put a hand on his shoulder and leaned closer to him. "You mean more to me than she does."
Ivan scoffed. "I'm going to get a refill." He slightly raised his cup for effect.
"But that cup's still almost full." Jake pointed out.
Ivan looked at it and sure enough, there was still beer. Ivan shrugged and Chugged the contents of his cup. "Now, if you'll excuse me." As he stood up, he saw a girl approaching Jake. "Don't let him talk you into making out with him. It won't mean anything to him." He said plainly, leaving Jake with his jaw hanging.
He was walking towards the keg when he saw Michael filling a cup of beer. Ivan quickly turned to the opposite direction.
"There you are!" Alex appeared in front of him and hugged him.
"Uh, here I am." Ivan said dumbly as they separated.
Michael joined them and handed Alex a full cup. "Here you go, babe."
Ivan instantly felt the need to bail. "I should go find Jesse."
However, Jesse walked right into the room. "Hey, what's up?"
There goes that excuse, Ivan thought. He wracked his brain for another reason to walk out of there. He was getting really uncomfortable. "I just saw Max go upstairs. Come, let's go say hey." Ivan wasn't a fan of lying but he didn't want to face Michael and Alex. He grabbed Jesse by the hand and dragged him up the stairs.
Jesse looked around the hall. "Where do you think he went?" He asked him nervously.
Ivan looked at him sheepishly. "Okay, I lied. I still haven't seen Max." Jesse immediately looked disappointed. "I'm sorry. I had to get away from Michael and Alex."
Footsteps walking up the stairs interrupted their conversation. It was Randy. "Where's the bathroom?"
"Downstairs, opposite end of the kitchen." Jesse said abruptly.
"That one's full." Randy said condescendingly. "I need to go now. I'm assuming there's a couple of others here in this big house of yours."
Jesse rolled his eyes and gestured towards the bathroom. "Left hall, second door on the right."
"Thanks." Randy said with a big smile. Jesse and Ivan returned it with sarcastic ones.
"Let's go back downstairs. You'll be fine. It's not like Michael and Alex are planning to stay by the keg for the rest of the evening." Jesse said.
"If they did, by the end of this party, I'll be involuntarily sober." Ivan joked.
It turned out to be easy avoiding Alex and Michael. He always managed an excuse to walk away from Alex and he gave Michael a dirty look every time they ran into each other. Aside from those two, he kept noticing Jake, who had been giving him sad looks every time he saw him. It looked like he hadn't been successful in talking the girl earlier into anything after all.
After three cups of beer, Ivan found himself once again refilling his cup. Through the open door, he saw Jesse walking by followed by Max. He smiled, hoping the two would finally make up.
As he was leaving, Michael entered the room. He glared at Michael but the boy grabbed his arm, much to his surprise.
"Are you mad at me?" Michael asked looking into his eyes seriously.
Ivan tried to pull away from his grip but to no avail. "No." He answered but he was shooting daggers into Michael's eyes. After all, Ivan had a reason to be mad. Michael had snapped at him in the cafeteria and he was the one pretending everything was fine. But it wasn't fine to him, Ivan knew it. Why couldn't Michael just hate him like he knew he would?
"Why are you so angry with me?" Michael asked in a harsher tone. He was losing his patience.
Michael's grip momentarily softened and Ivan took the chance to pull his arm away. He thought he could handle it by just avoiding Michael but he couldn't. All his emotions started surfacing. He was angry, frustrated, and sad. He was insanely in love with his straight best friend and neither of them knew how to deal with it. He was already outside walking towards his car when he heard Michael calling him.
"Ivan!" Michael strode towards him. "What the hell?"
Ivan shook his head in frustration. It made him angrier that Michael seemed to genuinely have no idea what had been going on. "I told you I love you!" Ivan shouted. Fortunately, no one else was outside.
Michael froze a few feet away from him, surprised by his sudden outburst.
Ivan continued in a softer voice. "I told you when we were at the cliff and I told you at the quad. Now, I'm telling you again. I love you. I'm in love with you. Always have, always will." Tears were now filling his eyes.
Michael looked at him sadly as he spoke in a weary voice. "What do you want from me, Ivan?"
Ivan shrugged. "The question is, what do you want Michael?"
He was opening his car door, ready to leave when a boy from the Alliance came to the door shouting. "Guys, you gotta see this! Jesse has porn of himself!"
What do you guys think of the latest chapter? I hope to hear from you :)
Thanks again to Mr. Dennis S for patiently editing my work. For those who aren't still members of the facebook readers' page, we have lots of room for you guys. If you want to join, here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/groups/ISBreaders/
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