Chapter 18 -- Part II From Billy's viewpoint
My desperate plea to Jess was a wild stab in the dark. I had no reason to believe he would talk to me, much less see me. But I was desperate. I needed to start putting my life back together.
I didn't know where my words had come from or what might come from my lips next. As I pleaded with Jess over the phone to see me one more time, I was speaking from my heart and trusting that the words were right. Jess remained silent for a very long time.
"Are you there?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm here. I don't know why I'm doing this, but you can come over for a few minutes. Not too long and not too late. Can you be here in the next 20 minutes?"
I was there in 11. Too little time to think things through. I was flying blind.
There was no small talk as we sat down in his room. Him on his bed. Me at his desk.
"I am sorry. I know that doesn't change what I did, but I am sorry. I just couldn't face you, man, and tell you . . ." I started to cry. Jess said nothing. He didn't move. The expression on his face remained sullen and untrusting.
I pulled myself together and started again. "I couldn't tell you about me and Justin. I guess you've figured out we're boyfriends . . . or were boyfriends the other day . . . until you walked in." My voice trailed off.
Jess finally spoke up and forcefully said, "So it's my fault you and Justin broke up? Because you tricked me into walking in on the two of you fucking with that . . . that . . . black thing? It's my fault? Fuck you, Billy!"
"No, that's not what I mean. God, I'm fucking this up. It's my fault. It's all my fault. I tricked you because I was too fucking weak to face up to you and tell you the truth. I was a coward and I fucked over my own best bud rather than do the right thing. I could tell you that I didn't know what else to do, but I did. I always knew I could tell you and face the consequences. You wouldn't have liked it, but at least it would have been honest. I can't believe I acted this way with my best bud. I'm a fucking creep and you should hate me. You should. And Justin should, too."
"Well, you got that right. We both think you're a jerk not worth our time."
"But for years I was your best bud. You know me. You know that isn't how I am. You know I love you. Maybe not the way you love me, but, fucking A, Jess, I love you. I always have. I always will. Even if you hate me," I said.
"And what does that mean? If I forgive you? And Justin forgives you? What does it mean that you will always love me?"
I only had a glimmer of an idea of how to answer this question, which had plagued me since I started to fall for Justin. How could I be Justin's boyfriend - be in love with Justin - and still be best buds with Jess - love Jess like I had loved no other? I took the plunge.
"I know this isn't exactly right, but listen, please. You could love Ellie, really . . ."
"But I don't love Ellie, not like I love you."
"OK. OK. But you know that a guy can love a girl, really love her, and still be best friends with a guy . . . a guy he really loves, too. The love isn't the same, but they're both love. And in some cases the bond between the guy and his friend is stronger and more lasting than the love for his girl. It happens all the time."
"So you love Justin like guys love their girlfriends?"
"I think I do." I said.
"And you think you can love Justin and still hold me just as tight as your one and only best friend . . . like we've always been."
"I can't lie to you, Jess. I don't know if it works for gay guys the way it does for real guys, but I know that's what I want."
Jess smiled a little knowing smile and raised his eyebrows. "I don't think Justin would like it if he knew you said he wasn't a 'real' guy."
I thought back over what I had just said. "Real guys." I repeated the phrase and shook my head in disbelief at my own stupid choice of words. My mind couldn't find a way to move forward. All was lost. I had no more words to offer. Whether it was the tension, frustration, or just the stupid words I'd just said, I couldn't help but laugh. At myself. My stupidity. My futility.
It was laugh . . . or cry again. And I was laughing. It seemed all wrong, but "real guys"? Really? No wonder I was facing a life alone. What the fuck was I laughing about?
Then, to my amazement, Jess was laughing, too. God, it sounded so fucking good to hear Jess laugh again. It felt so fucking good to laugh with Jess again. I don't think we'd laughed together since I first saw him talking secretly with Justin that first time. That seemed like years ago now.
It broke the ice and we ended up talking for almost two hours, stopping from time to time to let one or the other of us compose ourselves. We both cried our fair share that evening. We each told each other about how Justin had come into our lives. We decided he had helped each of us. And both of us.
As we were sort of winding down, I said to Jess, "I'm gonna call Kate and tell her it's over between me and her. I think if I'm gonna start being honest that'd be another good place to start."
"And what are you gonna say when she asks you why?" Jess asked.
"I'll say it's just not working out. It's not going anywhere. I don't think she'll care much cause I don't think she likes me that much. And I can't stand all the stories I have to tell her about where I've been. Who I've been with. It's too much."
"Maybe I should break up with Ellie, too. I'd miss her . . . in a way. But you're right, if we're gonna be honest . . ." His voice trailed off, his thought unfinished.
After a brief silence Jess said, "I hope this doesn't wreck everything."
"What do you mean 'this?'"
"The two of us being gay and all. Justin. All this stuff. You know, there are times I think I may love Justin almost as much as you do. But don't worry, I'll call him and tell him all is right with the world again."
We were done. I couldn't explain how things had turned around so completely in so little time. Except that years and years of being best buds with Jess was not by accident. There was something real between us. Something neither of us could explain in words. But something neither of us could deny.
I stood up to go. We were face to face not two feet apart, just looking at each other. Each of us recovering from our recent ordeal in our own way.
I took a step toward Jess and he toward me. I put my hands on his hips and kissed him on the lips. Not a long kiss, but not short either. Our soft lips lay on each other. A true comfort to one another. Then I took him in my arms and hugged him and he hugged me. We stood in that embrace, our heads resting against each other ear to ear.
I could feel the warmth between us. It felt right and good. At last, as Jess readjusted his head against mine, snuggling in a little closer, my cock started to stir. And that felt right and natural, too.
After a time I said, "Gotta go, Jess."
"I love you, Billy," he said stepping away from me and smiling his special smile. A smile I suddenly realized I had been missing.
"I love you, too, Jess," I said. "See you tomorrow . . . and thanks for being my best bud. I'll never let you down again . . . never."
I turned to leave and Jess called to me, "So, how do you like it?"
It was classic Jess. I turned and said to him, "It's all great. Fucking great!" And now, I thought at last, it really was.
As soon as I got home I dialed Justin's cell. Busy. And it stayed busy for the next two hours. I was daydreaming of Justin and me, while toying with my hard cock. Playing in my pre-cum.
My phone rang.
"Justin?"
"Yea, it's me. Who else would it be?"
"I've been trying to reach you for hours and . . ."
He cut me off. "I figured. So Jess says you think you might love me."
"He's got a big mouth. I wanted to tell you first. But yes, I do. I've never been in love, but I think this is it. Justin, I love you."
"I love you, too, Billy. I guess I knew before you did that, if you ever loved anyone, it had to be me." We both were quiet for a minute, soaking in what we had just said. It felt so good.
"By the way," Justin finally said, "you must have been really great with Jess. He actually sounded happy."
"And he told you everything?" I asked.
"That's why the phone was busy for an hour," Justin said.
"But it was busy for more than two hours."
"I've been arranging a little surprise for my new boyfriend. It took a little time. I hope you're free Saturday night."
"Saturday," my mind raced trying to think what I was doing Saturday. But I quickly decided it didn't really matter. "For you, I'm free anytime."
"Good. I'll pick you up at 7 p.m. Keep you hands out of your pants until then. Your cock is mine, boyfriend. See you Saturday." And he hung up.
To Be Continued . . .
AUTHOR'S NOTES: The names and some other identifying information in this story have been changed to conceal the identities of the characters described. The copyright for this story is held by Hardreader. The story may not be reprinted or distributed elsewhere without the permission of the author. I would love to receive comments on this story from readers. Has the story caught your imagination? Has the sex been getting you off? Do you have any questions I can answer? Email me at hardreader2000@aol.com