I Thought I Knew

Chapter 23 From Justin's viewpoint

Driving Billy home was really stressful. He kept saying he couldn't come out of the closet. I kept saying what I knew to be the truth: He had to come out. There wasn't any other way that I could see that we could be boyfriends.

He was getting pretty mad and I was getting frustrated. We ended up sitting in stony silence the last five minutes of the ride. No goodbye kiss. No hug. Just a slammed car door and the sight of his back as he headed toward his front door.

I headed back to Mike's to clean up. I felt sick at my stomach with how things were unfolding. When I had planned this sexy, romantic get-away, I'd thought we'd spend the day finding new ways to get each other off. Catching all the cum-filled excitement on the cameras that Mike had left. What a trip! We would have been able to watch porn movies of us fucking and sucking and shooting cum all over each other. It was supposed to be a sex romp starring Billy and me.

Instead, Billy had gone home so torn up about being outed that he couldn't think straight. He couldn't see that being out was inevitable. Being outed might actually make everything easier. This way he didn't even need to tell people. He could just not deny it and everyone would assume it was true. Assume that he was gay.

And once they assumed Billy was gay and they saw the two of us together, they'd figure out pretty quick that we were "friends," because everyone already knew I was gay. So let them put the puzzle together. Let their dirty little minds run wild about what we did. In and out of bed. The wilder the better for all I cared.

I knew . . . no, I hoped that when Billy calmed down, he would realize things weren't so bad. His folks were probably the biggest problem. Not so much his mom. But from what he'd said about his dad, he might prove to be a real jerk about Billy's being gay. At least about Billy being openly gay. The parent part could be tricky.

As I was starting to clean up Mike's place, I decided I needed to do something to cheer Billy up. To serve as sort of a peace offering when I went back to his house.

Since the video we'd shot with of the two of us having sex hadn't turned out too well, I decided I'd shoot video of our "love nest," making sure to get close-ups of our cum-stained sheets. The spot where my cum hit the wall above Billy's head. Important stuff like that.

I set up both cameras on tripods, checked their aim and focus, and turned them on. I stepped in front of them and began to stroke my cock, which had already started to swell slightly at the thought of what was about to come. With everything that had happened, my usually willing dick was a little slow to react. But before long, the old feelings were surging through it. I was soon stroking my hard and handy nine-inch cock. It was stretched to its max length and drooling pre-cum for the cameras. One directly in front of me. One to the side. I was stroking my cock for Billy. Once he calmed down about things, he'd appreciate it. I felt sure of that right down to my nuts.

My pre-jizz flowed. My hand felt so warm and smooth as it glided up and down the length of my cock. My other hand tugged at my nuts, making my dick surge even harder. My cockhead flared its reddish-purple helmet. It looked so shiny and smooth and hard. I played with my nuts some more. Turned to show my twitching asshole to the cameras. Its spasms were out of control. I could still feel how Billy's cock had stretched my asshole. It wanted to be stretched again and my asshole kept tightening and loosening in anticipation of fresh penetration.

I pinched my nipples. Let my hands play across my abs. Tasted my pre-cum and sucked on my fingers, which of course slipped back into my ass, only partially satisfying its need to be invaded. I did everything I could remember seeing a guy do in a solo jack-off video. I wanted this to be the best of all. A favorite on Xtube. A repeat appearance on DudeTube. I was giving it my all. I'd be a star in rrr0854's Cumshot Clips.

I moved my hips in a thrusting gesture. It came naturally to me. It was the same thrusting I had seen many times as young guys jacked their meat on Xtube. My body felt powerful and completely seductive. At last I could feel the urges building deep down at the root of my cock. My mind seemed a little unfocused about just what was cumming. It was filled with images of having sex with Billy. Particularly the most recent sex with Billy. With my cock shoved up his ass. My hips slowly working it in and out. His hand exploring my cock where it pierced his sphincter. Billy forcing a finger inside himself. Finger fucking himself as I fucked him with my hard cock.

I could remember how it felt when I came deep inside Billy and could feel his finger, or was it fingers, right there with my cock. I could remember how my massive cum had lubed his hole, giving an entirely new sensation to his finger probing next to my slimy cock. Cum dripping out. The hairs on the back of his hand against my pulled up nuts. Feeling my cum oozing down around my cock. Around his . . . Ugh. Fuck! . . . My cock exploded with a blast of cum. With my eyes closed, I didn't even see where it landed.

Almost immediately, I felt my nuts tighten again and that surge deep in my groin, I instinctively bent over my raging hard-on. Staring right into my cock's lips. Aiming it straight at my face. I let loose one of my better cum shots. I'm lucky I didn't blind myself. It splashed onto my forehead and streaked my cheek, missing my eyes.

The next shot hit my lips. As I started to lick my cum into my hungry mouth, I shot a load straight at the camera in front of me, blinding it, I was sure.

All in all, it was a great show.

I replayed it on the cameras' tiny screens and was pretty pleased with how my first solo porn video had turned out -- both in front of and behind the camera. All those hours of jacking off while watching guys jack off on Xtube had paid off after all.

As I walked up to Billy's house an hour or so later that morning, I could still feel where Billy's big cock had been up my ass. It must have permanently stretched me out, I thought, wondering if I would always be able to feel where he had fucked me. I hoped I would.

I wondered if Billy could feel where my cock had been buried in his ass. I'm not sure I could have taken a cock as big as mine the way Billy did. He'd been a pro. He really seemed to like getting fucked.

As I came up the drive to the side door, I could see Billy's mother through the window cooking something. All I could think of as she opened the door was the day I all but jacked Billy off right in front of her in the very same kitchen. I could hardly believe I'd snaked his beautiful cock out of his pants and stroked it till he was ready to pop. While she had just gone on cooking whatever. What would she have thought if I'd brought Billy off that day? If he'd shot a huge load right there. I could imagine her turning around saying, "Billy, what is that sweet smell?" And I'd be like raising my cum covered hand to my mouth licking up a big glob of Billy's cum, saying "Oh, this is delicious. You should try some, Mrs. . . ."

My reverie was broken as she greeted me warmly at the kitchen door, hugging me tightly and whispering into my ear, "It's such great news. Billy is so lucky. We're so pleased for him."

I think I blushed. How much had Billy told her about us? I thought his parents were supposed to be a problem. Did they know we'd spent the night together?

I chose my words cautiously. "I'm so glad it makes you happy. I know that will mean a lot to Billy that you're so supportive."

She gave me kind of a puzzled look that told me maybe Billy hadn't told them, or hadn't told them everything.

His mom said I should go up to Billy's room and congratulate him. She said she didn't think Billy completely realized the importance of the news yet. I returned her puzzled look with one of my own and headed upstairs. I think we both thought the other knew more than they did, but I wasn't gonna take any chances. I just went upstairs without another word.

I found Billy sitting at his computer furiously tapping away at the keyboard. "What's the good news," I asked. "Your mom is all excited about it. I kind of figured she wasn't talking about us being . . . you know, boyfriends."

Without turning around Billy started telling me about some of the emails he'd gotten, or that Ted and Jess had been helpful enough to forward to him. None of them suggested a source for the rumor, but it seemed to have started just about the time we had left for dinner the evening before. "So it couldn't have been the waiter," Billy said.

"Some of them include stuff about both me and Jess being gay. But those are mostly from this morning. If you read them all in order, you can almost see how they start off talking about whether Jess knew I was gay. Then this one seems to say that Jess kept quiet about me being gay. Finally there's one that says Jess is probably gay, too. There's no mention of Jess and me doing anything like sex together. If Jess started this, it's coming around to bite him in the ass, too."

I listened, trying to make sense of it all. To fit it into what I knew of Jess and Billy's friends and our fucked-up school. None of it made much sense.

Soon I found myself starting to puzzle again over what Billy's mom had said to me about "good news." I was pretty sure it didn't have to do with these emails and text messages. "So what's this news your mom says you got?" I asked.

Without saying a word or even looking away from his computer, Billy picked up a letter and held it over his shoulder for me to take. I took it and read both pages slowly and deliberately. He had been accepted to his first-choice college on the East Coast. One his parents couldn't even begin to afford. One he had wanted to go to since he first heard about it and its programs. And he'd received a full scholarship. Tuition, housing and books. His name had been submitted for a possible living expenses stipend to cover things like meals, travel and other incidentals. He'd get news on that within 30 days.

"Great news. I knew you could do it," I said, truly excited for Billy. He didn't react, so I went up behind his desk chair, bent down and hugged him from behind as best I could. He shrugged me off.

"What the matter?" I asked. "This has got to be great news for you. Aren't you happy?"

Finally he turned to me and said simply, "Why should I be? It's just one more thing making a shambles of my life. For the first time in years, I was really happy last night. This morning I wake up to news I've been outed, perhaps by someone I really thought was my best bud. Then my boyfriend tells me that getting outed is no big fucking deal. Why? Because he requires, no demands, that I come out no matter what if I want to stay his boyfriend. And then I learn that I've been accepted to a school I've wanted to go to for years, but it's so fucking far away I'd never be able to see my boyfriend for months on end. You try to put all of that together in a way that makes life seem so fucking grand."

I thought about it for a long time before I answered. And then began slowly and carefully.

"You've had a lot thrown at you the past 24 hours, but there's more good there than bad. And I'll do whatever it takes to make things work out for you so that we stay together, so that you can go to your dream college and so that your folks won't kick you out of the house. I promise you that. It's the least a boyfriend can do."

"So what if I decide I can't come out?" Billy asked.

"We'll work through it. You've only got another couple of months at our rinky-dink high school. We'll do whatever we have to. Once you graduate, you can shake free from any of the people who can't deal with you being my boyfriend. Who can't deal with us being together. And as for your parents, I can't answer that one right now. I don't know enough. But with that scholarship, you aren't dependent on them. You can make it on your own. You can go to college and live your dream."

"And while I'm thousands of miles away at college, where will you be?" Billy asked. "It doesn't do me a lot of good to come out if the only person I want to be with is so far away. I don't want to be gay. I just want to be with you."

We talked and talked. Billy was terrified at the thought of coming out. He never thought of himself as being any different than his friends, or the other guys on the swim team. Just a few weeks ago, he was one of those same guys, walking around school saying "faggot" this and "faggot" that.

He admitted that he even called me a faggot more than once. And that he had thought that he'd probably beat the shit out of me to teach me a lesson. He told me coolly that he wouldn't have thought twice about beating the shit out of any gay guy "just because."

So, Billy said, if he told his friends he was gay, how could he expect them to react any differently than he would have. Not good.

"But they know you. They know what a great guy you are," I argued.

"They'll say they thought they knew me, but they really didn't," Billy said.

"Sure, you may have hated gays," I said. "It was easy to hate them then. You didn't know any. It's a lot harder to hate someone you know and like. Look at you and Jess. I can't say things won't change, but it doesn't have to mean you'll get the crap beat out of you. Or even that you'll be an outsider to your old friends. You could win a lot of them over. Open their eyes the way your eyes were opened by Jess."

"But it was different with me and Jess, because we were both gay. My friends aren't gay," he said.

"And neither were you the first time you came to my house. Neither were you."

The talk went on and on. I felt I was making some headway. Billy was starting to see that there might be a chance that he'd keep some, maybe even most of his friends. Particularly if Jess would come out, too. It might work. At least well enough to get him through to the end of the year and graduation.

What was helping sway Billy more and more was the realization that the more open he was about being gay, the more we could be together. If we had to hide and pretend, we'd have to steal a little time here, a few minutes there. It wouldn't be good. I thought I knew from what Billy was saying that what he really wanted, if we could make it happen, was to be together with me.

He thought that life at home wouldn't be too great if his parents found out about him. I told him again he was welcome to live in my room if his parents kicked him out, even though he didn't expect that they would. His dad, in particular, could make his life hell. But college wasn't that far away and if he could duck over to my place when the going got tough . . .

Maybe this could work, I thought. Just maybe.

Then Billy knocked the wind right out of me. "I gotta be honest with you," he said looking a bit sad at what he was about to say. "I really like you. I think I probably really love you. And I never said that to anyone before. But even so, I'm not sure all of this is gonna be worth it if we can't be together. So I struggle through school and maybe have to move out of my parent's house and maybe lose most of my friends. And for what? So I can go away to school and dream of being with you? I might as well just stay in the closet and jack off to memories of last night if that's the way it's gonna be. Maybe I should just stay straight."

I looked hard at Billy. My heart was breaking. I didn't think about what I was going to say. I just said it. "Loving you is not a choice for me. And life without you isn't a choice I could ever make. I'm sorry I told you I couldn't be your boyfriend if you didn't come out. That's pure bullshit. I couldn't stop being your boyfriend. I couldn't stop loving you. I can't promise you that everything will work out fine. I can't promise that we'll be together always and forever Life doesn't work that way. At least not for guys like us. But we found each other and it's not going to be that easy for you to get rid of me."

Billy turned to me and hugged me hard. I thought he was going to cry, but he didn't. And somehow I managed not to cry either. We just stood there locked in each other's arms, holding on to one another for dear life.

And in a muffled voice I finally heard Billy say, "I love you, too. I do."

To Be Continued . . .

I hope you've enjoyed this latest chapter. Please email and tell me what you think. Your feedback turns me on. So don't spare the details.

The names and some other identifying information in this story have been changed to conceal the identities of the characters described. The copyright for this story is held by Hardreader. The story may not be reprinted or distributed elsewhere without the permission of the author. I would love to receive comments on this story from readers. Has the story caught your imagination? Has the sex been getting you off? Do you have any questions I can answer? Email me at hardreader2000@aol.com