I am fifty five and alone, very single and very sad. Until recently I had sentenced myself to dying alone. Let me explain. I spent thirty lonely years in a marriage that was a sham on my part.
In college I had an encounter with a woman that scarred me for life. She was lovely and innocent and so loving but I was cut from a different cloth. My parents would commit Hari Kari if they knew I had a lesbian relationship.
Now here I am mid-fifties and alone, my husband recently died of a heart attack. I have had male friends come over and make a play for me but have rebuffed them .Quite frankly the last thing I desire is another sham marriage.
When I find myself alone and have a glass of French wine in front of me, my mind wanders and I can only find arousal in the female form. I find myself lamenting the years when I was young and vibrant and could have pursued young women and had a few lesbian encounters.
Not a day passes that I do not find myself in a store or on the street admiring a woman's body and quite frankly finding myself turned on.The female anatomy is so special and inviting, I am sad to realize I missed out on a totally different life.
I recently moved to a rural mountain community, to flee my ties to the neighborhood I lived in for so many years. Perhaps in the darkest reaches of my mind I wanted to free myself from anyone who knew me and start a new life.
If I had thought it through rationally, I would have chosen and urban environment where a late middle aged woman would have a chance of meeting a woman circa her own age.Not me, I fled the past life, the sham marriage and since my parents had recently died, I fled all that was familiar or influential.
The first three months were invigorating to say the least. I had to learn to live with inconveniences and fend for myself. I learned that a wood stove s your best friend and the fire needs to be tended regularly. I leaned to put necessities above vanity .Staying warm is much more important than putting on your face. Inevitably Spring came and the trees budded and life was better, the sun shone and women began to shed their winter entrapments.
Like all things in the spring, I found my heart hopeful and jubilant. The women had on thinner clothing showing off their figures and the days became longer and warmer.Soon woman were down to shorts and tops, leaving less and less to the imagination.
I found my nights full of dreams and visions I had passed in the streets that day, Full of young women with firm breast, standing tall and proud and of long legs promising heaven as they rose from the ground to their short pants that hid paradise.
I know I must sound like a sex starved pervert but bear in mind I spent thirty years denying my passion, I am just coming out of my shell .I feel I have many years of denial to atone for.
Then it happened, much to my surprise and amazement, I was just being me and this lovely woman maybe five years younger was standing by me at a mountain crafts sale and she spoke to me.
At first I was oblivious to her words as I looked her over, she was tall, five nine maybe and blonde, well originally and now enhanced but blonde none the less.She was full bodied, yet lean in her own way, she had obviously had kids and was still very attractive despite her years as a mom.
I had to focus, she was chatting on at me and I was not listening, I had to regain my sanity for a moment to catch up with the conversation.
"Don't you think these wind chimes are just divine?" She fingered the chimes making them tinkle.
"They are very nice, do you have a place in mind to put them?"
She smiled then, a very impressive smile that made her face a portrait. I melted at her ease and beauty.
"I do have a nice cabin nearby and I think they would sound lovely waking me on a crisp mountain morning."
Ok, now she was not only beautiful but poetic and eloquent, be still my heart.
"A cabin, do you live here or is it a summer home?" I was aware that many people were transitory and I was curious.
"Oh I am here for at least a year, you see I had a loss in the family and need to just get away and unwind."
"Oh, I live nearby and am just getting started again in life, perhaps we should have coffee sometime?"
Subconsciously I just tossed it out there, half in search of a friend and half trying not to lose this moment.
"You know that would be nice, I have not met many of my neighbors and I would like to, how about Saturday morning, I like to get up early and do the garage sale circuit, would you like to stop and grab a cup at Star bucks and chase some bargains?"
"It sounds like a date!" Damn, poor choice of words, I was too forward.
"I am Marla,"She held out her hand and offered it to me.
I shook it gently feeling how soft and tender her hand was, I was beyond friendship in my mind, I was lusting after her
"Great, she held my hand for a few beats too long and added, tell me how to find your place and I will pick you up, say six forty five?";