If Memory Serves
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"If Memory Serves"
I wonder what he's thinking.
I mean, Sawyer's gotta be thinking it, right? I'm thinking it. It's not like it's something that either one of us could just 'forget' about, or act like it never happened. It's not like it was a random moment in time that could just pass by and fade away behind us like the road in the tail lights of my dad's minivan on our way up here for the weekend. It's kind of a big deal. At least I thought it was. And I know that he's thinking about it too. I mean...isn't he? He has to be.
It would be so unfair if he wasn't.
Or have I been obsessing over this one event for the past three years, expecting more of a reaction than I had any right to? That's always a possibility, I suppose.
"Hey, Josh...you need another one?" Sawyer asked me. Pulling the blanket back to reveal our little hidden stash of Mike's Hard Lemonade bottles in a mini cooler that he swiped while the rest of the adults were preoccupied with getting the barbecue set up and the festivities started for the evening.
"Yeah, I guess I could go for another one. Thanks." I said, and he reached over to hand me a cold one right out of the ice. "Sweet." It's hard to imagine that it was already the third anniversary of us all getting together to build this park just a short walk away from the lake. There was this older kid, Brian, in our class who was going out for his Boy Scout Eagle badge...and he needed to organize and put together a decent project that would do some good for the community in order to get signed off on it. He decided that he wanted to build a park for the kids in the area, and I jumped at the chance to help out, you know? There was nothing but space out here, and I thought that having a spot for the younger kids to climb and run and jump around was a great idea. Brian even got a bunch of businesses in the area and over on Main Street to donate money to the effort in return for some free promotion and flyers with their logo and website printed on it. It was a good time.
Sawyer and I were only fourteen years old at the time, and we had never met before that morning...but I don't think that I'll ever be able to forget seeing him for the very first time. I was already beginning to figure out that there was something a little bit 'different' about me when it came to being around other boys by the time I was eleven or twelve. My other friends were sort of getting shy around girls and talking about them more and more often...but not me. I didn't see what the fascination was, to be honest. Sex Ed class taught us that we'd all end up getting triggered by different things at different times and different ages. What they didn't teach us was that some of us might have slightly different tastes when it came to my hormones finally being fully activated and ready to go searching for an attraction that I could embrace and call my own. And that's when things got weird.
I won't lie...I had to struggle with it for a while. Because my friends were doing the same things to me that all the pretty girls were doing to my friends. I really had no idea how to handle that. Ignoring it didn't work, reversing it didn't work...everything just felt...clumsy, and awkward, and soooo embarrassing that I didn't dare talk about it. Not to anyone.
And then came Sawyer...
Seeing him for the first time pretty much solidified my sexuality and gave it meaning. Purpose. It was almost instantaneous, to be honest. And I haven't been the same since.
Only an inch or two taller than I was, and a half year older, I had placed him up on a pedestal that no other boy could ever hope to reach. A true beauty that needed no validation from me or anyone else to exist in its purest form. A graceful sweep of blond hair, and a set of kissable lips that were hard to look away from once he began to talk to you. Light brown eyes that looked like rays of sunshine being filtered through a thin sheen of fresh honey. My infatuation was immediately dragged into him as soon as we started building the park together. He was the definition of first love to me. Beauty walking. A wet dream made real. And I couldn't help but to lose my breath as he and I were teamed up to spread some of the wooden mulch down together and rake it out as a base for the new park's equipment.
Every word he spoke to me was an angel's song. Every touch was an electrifying experience. And his smile? Oh wow. He had the kind of smile that could stop the planets from spinning if he willed it so. It filled me with so much joy that I found myself blushing and giggling out loud for little to no reason at all. It was the only way that my conflicted emotions knew how to react to his very presence next to me.
It's so strange...feeling humiliated and alone because of your own attractions until someone comes along and challenges you to wonder whether it might actually be worth it to get rid of the secret for the sake of something infinitely more exciting.
We all worked together with Brian's scout troop to put that park up in a single weekend, parents and friends and relatives all coming out to help as well. It was a small park, sure...but there's a certain pride in knowing that your hands were the ones that helped to bring it into existence. So we couldn't help but marvel at the finished product once it was done. Brian got his Eagle merit badge for his organization skills and leadership, and it's the highest honor you can get in the Boy Scouts. So we all barbecued and celebrated together right out here by the lake that night to give him some applause for a job well done.
That was three years ago today. And sitting out here with the setting sun, hanging out with Sawyer again just felt like home to me. At seventeen, I'd like to think that I'm a bit wiser, a bit more comfortable with who I am, and a little more savvy when it came to talking to boys that I liked. But I won't lie and say that he doesn't still make me nervous as hell whenever our eyes connect. Because, while I'm still inexperienced in the realm of sex and sensuality...I can't help but to think of Sawyer as my very first love. In a lot of ways, he really was. You know? Seeing him again today caused my racing heart to pick up right where it left off, replaying our first weekend together on repeat and praying that he'd be out there somewhere thinking about me too.
So...why is he not acknowledging our other anniversary, tonight? The one where we, like...got together and...
"These things have a pretty strong kick to them. Geez!" He said, breaking my concentration. "How many have you had?"
"Ummm...this is just my second one, I think. I've been trying to savor them for a bit though. My mom would kill me if she found out I was drinking, hehehe!" I said.
"Just two? Damn, Josh...I think this is my fourth already. You need to catch up."
"I'm pretty sure that falling flat on my face is going to give me away, dude. I've had very little practice." I grinned. "Besides, I just like hanging out with you, Sawyer. I don't want to cut it short by passing out."
"You're a cheap date, then? I can dig that." He said, and he used his fingers to push some of his sandy blond locks out of his eyes. Everything that he did was so cute to me that I often found myself frozen with an enchanted stare, craving just a touch of him to make sure that he was still real. You have no idea how much I've longed to be close to him again. His absence was a bit of a painful experience for me, and the only thing that kept me going was my heart's belief in the promise that we'd eventually be able to see each other again. This moment. Even if it was just a few bottles of sugary alcohol sweets and casual conversation, I'll take it. When it came to being with Sawyer, I'll take whatever I can get.
"So...three years, huh?" He said with a tilted grin. "Time flies, am I right?"
"Yeah...hardly seems like it's been that long at all." I said. I was hoping to keep my nervous jitters to a minimum so he wouldn't be able to hear the anxious tremble in my voice.
"What have you been up to all this time? I mean, you grew pretty tall. We can see eye to eye now. Heh...you were a skinny little twerp when we first met."
"I wasn't that little." I giggled. "Besides, it's not like I was gonna stay fourteen forever."
"I know. No hate. Just...I think it's cool that you grew up. We both did. Your voice is crazy deep now too. Hehehe!" He said, and our eye contact lingered for just a split second longer than normal, causing me to blush and turn away as I felt myself wiggling in my own skin. "Have you learned to hate high school yet?"
I shrugged one shoulder, "It's not so bad. I pretty much just keep to myself, anyways. I'm pretty much invisible in that place."
"Lucky you." He said. "I think I'm a lot more visible than I ever wanted to be. It's far from being a blessing. Trust me." He said, pressing the bottle to those precious lips of his.
"Oh? What did you do?" I smirked.
"Let's just say that I put myself...'on display' before I was ready. I'll leave it at that." He brushed his blond hair out of his eyes a second time and looked at me to see if I had maybe gleaned some sort of understanding for what he was telling me. The weird thing is...I think I actually did...but my brain put up a wall of denial that kept me from accepting the possibility that such a thing could be true.
There was something about that reality that I wasn't really ready to handle yet.
It really just brought me back to that first weekend night all over again. The night when we camped outside in that tent away from everybody else. The night of my very first kiss. The night that I...well...sort of lost my virginity to another boy.
Sort of...
I know that it sounds kind of cliché to say that it just sort of 'happened', but to be totally honest...it really did. I barely remember what it was that even led to that magic moment...I just remember us working side by side to put the park together and talk to one another to the point where my heart began to beat out of control. My breath short and labored, sweat releasing pheromones into the Summer breeze. With me swooning over him to the point of confusion, my eyes unable to stay away from their captivating stare for more than a few seconds at a time before I had to turn around until I could make some sort of silent excuse in my head to look over at him again. It's a weird question to ask yourself...'am I in love right now?'
I couldn't be. I had only known him for a single day. And I've had crushes on boys before, for sure. But there was something so different about the way I felt about Sawyer. There was, like...this nervous sugar rush of excitement that was surging through me, making it worth the sheer terror I had to fight through just to be near him. And when Brian was walking around with his little clipboard, giving all of us breaks in our shifts so we wouldn't get overworked or anything, Sawyer asked me, "Hey, Josh? You wanna maybe eat lunch together?" Causing me to nearly crumble to pieces right then and there. I was too lost to ever find my way back to a normal life after that softly spoken invitation.
"Ummm, yeah. Sure..." I replied, unable to hide my cheeky smile.
Sawyer smiled back at me, and I blushed so hard that I felt a little bit dizzy in the head from it. Ugh, my poor little teenage heart! "Cool. Like...get us a table or something and I'll grab us some burgers and chips and stuff." By the end of our little lunch break, I was locked in a dreamy state of desperation to just absorb as much of his joyful life essence as I possibly could in the limited amount of time that I was given. I mean, how long does a single weekend last? You know?
Putting that park together was a hefty task, for sure. A lot of straining and grunting and sore muscles went into it...but at the end of the day, we knew that we'd easily be able to finish whatever it was we had left on Sunday morning with all of us working together, and then we'd pack up our things and head back home. It looked great. Monkey bars, a slide, a sandbox...I mean it wasn't quite Disney World, but to the area kids who were looking for a cool place to play...I was sure that it would seem like a paradise anyway. So I considered it a job well done. It was something to be proud of. Something that I could come back to a few years later and still appreciate it for all the hard work that we put in.
Still...going to the main cabin to take a hot shower once the sun went down was something that I had been longing for all day. The idea of simply standing under a spray of soothing 'hot as you can stand it' water certainly sounded like Heaven to me. It was so refreshing that I could literally feel the muscles in my back and shoulders unfurling from being tightened up for so long during the day's work. My legs were weak, my neck aching with fatigue. But when I stepped out of that tub, smelling and feeling good from head to toe, I heard myself breathe a heavy sigh of relief and buzzing with delight. Oh man...did I ever need that.
Then, as I opened up the door with my dirty clothes in my hand, wearing just some soccer shorts and an old jersey...I was suddenly thrown off course by having Sawyer standing right there in front of me in the hallway. He had a bath towel slung over his shoulder, with some clean clothes folded up under his arm too...and I couldn't help but to gasp to myself as my emotions were suddenly flooded with more unrestricted beauty that any poor kid could ever be expected to deal with at once. Not without at least some warning.
"Whoah...hey..." I said.
"Sup?" He grinned. "Sorry. I didn't scare you, did I?"
"No. I just...I wasn't expecting anybody to be...out here. Or whatever." It was hard to concentrate. It really was. Sawyer was so damn CUTE! I tried to step aside, but he did the same and we ended up in each other's way again. Then we both went the other way, putting us in the same predicament. With a few nervous giggles and softly spoken apologies, we were able to awkwardly slide past one another and trade places.
I was able to muster up a very bashful 'goodbye' before turning around to leave him to his shower, but Sawyer called out to me before I was able to get away. "Hey, Josh...some of the scout troopers brought some tents and extra sleeping bags with them for the weekend."
"Ummm...ok." I wasn't quite sure what that was supposed to mean, but he sounded cute saying it, regardless.
"Well, like...some of them were setting them up outside. You know, around the park. So we wouldn't all be cramped up in the same cabin and having to sleep on the floor and stuff." He said, and his voice seemed to get a little bit softer and slightly unsure when he added, "Maybe...you and I should grab some. Find ourselves a spot or something? Something different. I was thinking that it might be kinda cool."
"Oh!" I blurted out. "Yeah! I'd be down for that."
"Cool..." He said, and then he told me he'd see me once he got done cleaning up, and we could set it up before it got too dark. I swear, the fact that I was able to anchor myself to the ground after he closed that bathroom door is a complete mystery to me. I never wanted to float on air so much. Wow!
And is he NAKED in there??? Like, right now? Just dangling free...or maybe...maybe sticking straight up? Yikes. I've got to stop thinking about this stuff. I'm already getting hard. Ugh!
Sawyer and I later grabbed one of the tents from the scout leaders and told all of the adults where we would be setting up camp so they knew where to find us if they wanted to. Even if I was really hoping that they wouldn't want to, you know? The whole idea was to spend some quality time alone with my new dream boy, after all. It's not like we'd be so far from the main house where we couldn't just walk over and ask for assistance if we needed it. I'd rather be left alone tonight. No doubt about it.
We laughed at our clumsy attempts to figure things out on our own as we looked for a place to figure out how to set up a proper tent somewhat close to the water. I mean, we weren't boy scouts...we were just helping out our friends. But we made sure to find a secluded spot where we could still kind of hear the calming sounds of the lake rolling up on the shore of the beach, and still had a little bit of light from the cabin in case we needed to get up and mark our territory some time during the night. Setting that tent up was both easier and harder than it looked at the same time, but we made it work. Another proud accomplishment for the day.
I know that I had been perving over him all day, and I did take some extended peeks at Sawyer's ass as we were moving, bending, and stretching, all afternoon...but I really made sure to get myself an eye full as he was the first one to crawl into the tent before me. It was like having a heavy weight on my chest, seeing the well sculpted cheeks disappear into the entrance with a bit of a wiggle as he got down on his hands and knees and pushed his sleeping bag inside. There was no doubt that I was fully erect at that point, and just tried to hurry in and turning to keep my back to him as I zipped up the tent behind us and unrolled my sleeping bag to kick off my shoes and climb in.
It was a small and crowded space, but I was grateful for that. With both of us laying there, side by side, shoulder to shoulder...it was kind of neat. I just remember staring up at the top of the tent as Sawyer and I rambled on and on about whatever topic that happened to pop into our minds for the next hour or so. Movies and music and stuff we've seen on Youtube. We laughed a lot. It's strange how quickly you can feel so very close to somebody. It was comfortable enough to almost make me forget how incredibly smitten I was with him.
Almost...but not quite.
"You know what this tent reminds me of, for some weird reason?" I asked him.
"What?"
"'Jurassic Park'. Hehehe!"
"The original?" He grinned. "What the hell made you think of that all of a sudden?"
"I don't know. It's weird, but that was the first thing that came to mind." I said.
"Dude, my dad let me watch that movie a few years ago from his collection of VHS stuff...and that T-Rex scared the living shit out of me."
"I KNOW, right???" I said. "Terrifying!"
"I used to have nightmares about that damn thing. Hehehe!" But Sawyer soon worked to get his casual machismo back. "Not anymore though. I watched it a few months ago, and I just thought it was cool. But that first time was scary. But I was younger then, so don't you go poking fun at me."
"Who me? Never." I said, grinning before I added, "Chicken..."
I felt a bump in the side of my abdomen as he elbowed me with a giggle. "Shut up." He said. "Besides...I said it was cool now. So that doesn't even count, really." We were quiet for a moment, and he asked me, "You really thought that, though? Like...you and me in this tent...reminds you of that movie?"
"Yeah..." I said with a sigh, and then cleared my throat as I felt my heart furiously slamming hard against the inside of my ribs again. "I used to pretend that I was out there, hiding from the carnivores...hoping they wouldn't come and find me. Keeping something close by just in case I had to fight them off or something. Something to stab their eyes out or like...whatever. Cut their tongues out if I had to get away."
"Hehehe, damn, Josh. That's pretty dark."
"I'm a dark individual. What can I say?"
"Wait...hold on a sec..." Sawyer got an idea in his head and got his phone out of his backpack. He went scrolling through Youtube on the distant cabin's Wifi to see if he could still connect, and he found this weird ambient soundscape thing for Jurassic Park. No music or anything, it was just rain and mud...and the occasional sound of growling dinosaurs in the background. He hit play, and the tent was flooded with the sounds of thunder and the impact of heavy footsteps. He put it up by our heads between us and flashed me a smile. His face was only illuminated by the light of the phone...but it was just as beautiful as it was in daylight. His eyes practically glowing in the dark as his blond hair flopped over to the side. "There. Now we can both pretend to be hiding out together."
"It would be a lot less dangerous if I had a partner to watch my back." I giggled.
"Yep. You know it. I mean, I don't know if I'm up to stabbing animals in their friggin' eyes or cutting their tongues out...but I'm dark enough to kick them off of you if they come hunting, hehehe!"
"Thanks." I snickered. "That's comforting."
Sawyer stared at his phone again, turning up the volume to full. "It looks like this thing goes on for about ten hours. Hehehe!"
"Ten HOURS??? Jesus! You're gonna burn out you battery." I said.
"That's ok."
"But what if you need your phone for something?"
"I won't." He said. "Or...at least, I doubt it. I can just charge it in the morning. No big deal." It was then that Sawyer's eyes met mine...and for the first time, neither one of us turned away. "I like talking to you, Josh. So far, you've been the coolest part of this whole weekend. Might as well do it in a dark tent in Jurassic Park, you know?"
Blushing hard, I managed to squeak out, "Yeah...I like talking to you too..." I felt frozen. I wasn't even moving and I still felt awkward to the point of falling off balance. It was just as if I couldn't figure out what to do with myself. Like...at all. My every emotion had been thrown into turmoil, and calming myself down was no longer an option.
That's when the roar of that T-Rex could be heard over the rain, and Sawyer and I looked at each other and giggled out loud. "God, I hate that thing. It freaks me out." He said, and we returned to silence for a minute or two. The light on his phone went off, but the sounds were still playing. We were laying down, facing each other...and I knew that, even though he had gone silent on me, he hadn't gone to sleep yet because of the way that he was breathing. In the darkness of the tent, all we could see was each other's silhouette...but our senses were picking up so much more. I felt drawn to him. It was like I couldn't help myself. I got so hard that it hurt and I was wrestling with the fact that I've never been in this kind of situation before. Do I say something? NOT say something? Move closer, or further away? Will that seem like a rejection? Will doing the opposite seem like an invitation? And what do I do if he thinks it's an invitation? Like...what then? I never met another boy who likes other boys before. What do I do?
Those few minutes of uncertain quiet, with me being hard enough to hump the ground beneath me, straining to breathe...seemed like several eternities strung together in an infinite loop. My heart was pounding in my ears to the point of near madness. Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump...I was scared that Sawyer could hear it too. I'd be so embarrassed if he heard my heart turning flips like this.
And then...
His arm reached out from the warmth of his sleeping bag. He hesitated for a moment, but I could almost 'feel' it moving forward in the darkness. Now, I was panting. Anxious and confused...but craving the opportunity to have him touch me. Wherever he wanted to.
Eventually, he raised his arm up a bit and touched my shoulder, causing me to shiver all over from the contact. And when I didn't pull away, he sort of rubbed my arm a few times. It was in this really intimate manner...one that made me feel soooo good. Did he know that I was conscious? Or was I not supposed to know anything at all? I was scared to commit to what was happening at first, but then I reached up to unzip my sleeping bag a little bit to get my hands free too.
Suddenly, Sawyer snatched his hand back, and he rolled over on his back. "Sorry..." He whispered.
Oh no! What did I do??? I guess he wasn't aware of the fact that I was awake after all. I panicked for a moment, and then scooted a little bit closer to him, taking a hold of his hand and slowly putting it back on my shoulder again. "It's...it's ok..." I said, my whole body trembling violently as I tried to apologize for whatever I might have done wrong.
"Really?" He whispered back. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah..." I was so breathless, but so eager to go on. "I'm sure. Are you...like...I mean, that's ok, right?"
"I think so." He said.
"M'kay..." I replied, and I let him lightly rub my arm again. And then...I reached out to place my hand, palm down on the flatness of his chest. We were barely moving at all, but from our heavy breathing alone, you would have thought that we had just run a marathon and a half. I can't remember a time that I had ever been so aroused. It was almost too much for me to handle, but I didn't dare spoil this moment before I found out what the limits of my ultimate joy and passion could really be if I pushed the envelope just a little bit further.
Frightened as a fawn taking its first steps on solid ground, Sawyer and attempted to assess the potential threats involved with being too 'weird' about all of this. One wrong touch, one involuntary moan or giveaway shiver...and we could bring this whole delicate balance crashing down around us. And yet...curiosity alone kept us going. Fear, be damned.
We simply used our hands to cautiously explore our bodies for a short while. Little experimental brushes, followed by stifled whimpers and unpredictable convulsions. But it was when I was touching and rubbing Sawyer's abs...almost accidentally going up under his T-shirt to touch his bare skin...that things began to escalate even further. There's something about the warmth and smoothness of bare skin that can't be duplicated by any material on Earth. I let my finger circle around the rim of his shallow belly button, and soon he was sitting up to pull his shirt off completely. I was quick to follow his lead, and we both unzipped our sleeping bags all the way down to scoot in and hug one another closely, skin on skin, just feel the exhilarating passion of being welcomed into another boy's embrace for the very first time. It was mind-blowing.
Lightly running my hands up and down his back was like magic to me. His skin was like silk. I could still feel the slight dampness of his hair, and the scent of the shampoo he used as I nuzzled myself into the nape of his neck. I just closed my eyes and allowed the rest of the world melt away as we held each other in the dark, the sounds of rain and dinosaurs in the distance still echoing on his phone. Wow...
As his hands moved lower, I began to get more nervous...but my compelling awe and wonder refused to let me slow things down. I didn't want them to. I'm not even sure what I wanted, I just knew that I needed so badly that I could taste it. And that's when he touched me. The previously untouched part of me for everyone else who wasn't me. Just on the outside of my shorts, but it delivered an electric shock to me that caused me to whimper out loud. Never having been grazed in such a sensual way before...it was my natural instinct to pull my hips back away from him. It was almost similar to having someone unexpectedly tickle the bottom of your foot...but much more potent. Much more desirable. So despite my initial knee jerk reaction, I moved in even closer to press my aching hardness against his, and we pushed them together with a steady rhythm that only took us a few minutes to figure out and become completely in sync with.
I was hugging him so tight. He was holding me so close. And just when I thought things couldn't possibly escalate any further...Sawyer leaned his head back...and he gently pressed his beautiful lips against mine.
I had never kissed anybody before...but I could immediately see what all the fuss was about. I could taste his boyish breath in my mouth, and something about locking lips with someone so gorgeous completed the whole experience for me. Especially once I felt his tongue touch my lips...and then reach further forward to sensually slide back and forth against my own. It was slippery and wet and I couldn't get enough of it. Our lips began to smack as the suction from our little make out session got to be more intense, and I rolled on top of him to grind myself against him in a way that was much bolder than I ever thought I'd have the courage to engage in. And then we rolled over on another, this time with him laying on top of me, and my hands gripping the plump cheeks of his firm and supple ass as he pressed himself down on me and made a few soft noises of his own while grinding against my ravenous desire for more.
I couldn't tell you how long this went on for, as all time stood still when we were together like that, rolling over on another as our erotic kissing attempted to keep itself quiet from any eavesdropping parties that might be close enough to our tnt to hear what was going on between us. But we eventually had to come up for air and catch our breaths before we found ourselves too woozy to recover. Sawyer rolled off of me, and we spent a moment or two laying on our backs at each other's side, panting and shaking with a virgin fever that seemed to capture us in a euphoric storm of wiggles out of nowhere. However, it wasn't long before I missed his kiss, and I think he missed mine too, because he reached over and rubbed the front of my shorts again...pitching a sturdy tent of its own.
Sawyer giggled, whispering, "Omigod, Josh...hehehe, you're so hard!"
I defensively whispered back, "You are too! Hehehe!" I reached over to touch him too, and felt something wet on my fingers. "Dude, you're leaking."
"I know. I can't help it." He smiled. A beautiful smile, even if I could barely see it in this severely limited amount of natural light.
He kissed me again, but only briefly. We felt each other for another minute or two before he took his hand away and hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his shorts. I was quick to follow his lead once again, and with a little squirming of our hips we were able to pull them all the way down and then off of our feet and ankles to toss to them to separate sides of the tent. And there we lay...completely naked. Hard enough to explode, our boyhood pulsing with every hysterical heartbeat that tore through us.
We both giggled slightly for a moment but it was mostly out of awkwardness than anything else. And then...he reached for my fully exposed hardness...and I reached for his...and after feeling every throbbing inch of one another for the very first time, we began to rhythmically stroke one another in unison. It was the most natural thing in the world to do...but it felt so naughty doing it to somebody else like this. I couldn't even imagine the kind of trouble we might get ourselves into if anybody ever found out, so every moment of it felt risky and wrong. But it was hard to tell if that was supposed to b a deterrent...or a beckoning towards a more thrilling experience than it already was when we started. All I knew was that I didn't want it to stop.
God...please don't stop.
Sawyer raised one of his knees and I pushed my hips out even further as his motion, grip, and speed, caused me to see sparkles. I held my breath to keep from making any noise, but it wasn't easy. It felt soooo good. I wondered if any of the other scouts out in the park area were doing this right now. Maybe they've been doing it for a long time now. Either way, I could feel Sawyer leaking copious amounts of sticky liquid that slid down his hardness and puddled around my fingers, creating this wet slapping sound that I was praying wasn't as loud as it sounded in that moment.
And then...a part of my body switched over into a more lustful state, where there had been an obvious breach...and I knew that my moment of truth was coming. I don't think we really lasted that long. A slick and quick virgin's pace was never meant for the long haul. That only comes with time and practice. Everything below my waist got really tight all of a sudden...my breathing got heavier...my balls seemed to shrink up even smaller than they already were...and then...the 'pumps' began.
Harsh, ecstatic, contractions that involuntarily forced my warm juices up my rigid shaft and firing out through my sensitive tip to squirt like a high powered rocket to finally bring my overstimulated erection some much needed relief, all while the rest of my body was thrown into a fit of surprise tantrums that I couldn't predict or control. I just slammed my eyes tight and rode it out as best as I could, soon feeling the same series of tremors coming from my partner next to me. Even after dribbling the entire time that I was stroking his hardness, he still had a full load to blow up against my heated flesh regardless. Well...what I considered a full load for us at that age, anyway. Sawyer scrunched his eyes closed and bit his bottom lip, his legs squirming all over the place as he erupted all over my stomach and chest, eventually pushing my hand away as he got to be too sensitive for me to hold on to him longer.
And then...a return to silence.
Heavy breathing and rapid heartbeats, sure...but other than that...silence.
I still had his sticky fluids all over my hand and in between all of my fingers, so I wasn't quite sure what to do with the mess of it. But Sawyer soon sat up and went into his backpack to grab his socks, and he handed me one. We both wiped our hands off as best as we could and that would just have to be good enough until we could go back into the cabin and wash up the next morning. "That was so hot..." He said, laying back and staring blankly at the ceiling of our tent again.
"Extremely hot." I said. And then I sort of brought my hand up to my face and sniffed my fingers.
"Hehehe! What are you doing?" He snickered.
"What? I was curious!" I giggled.
"You are SO weird, Josh!" He leaned forward, and we began to kiss again for a short while before he suddenly parted his lips from mine and rolled over to go to sleep for the night.
He didn't say anything else...so, you know...neither did I.
Now that the naughty part was over and done with, I was left to my thoughts and emotions to fill in whatever gaps might be left over from sharing my first time with a boy that I had become so enamored with upon first glance, and even more so throughout the time that we spent together all day long.
I just figured that I would just be left to figure those other parts out for myself.
I have to admit, I kind of wanted to do it again about fifteen minutes later, and fifteen minutes after that, but I was too scared to ask. I was already hard again, but...I thought it would be best for me to count my blessings for what they were and leave it alone before I ruined everything. I mean, this was my first time doing...well...anything, really. Not just with another boy, but with anybody. I think a part of me just wanted to bask in it for a while. It's unfortunate that I could never utter a word of this to anybody else, but I was pretty proud to have a sexy boy like Sawyer be cherished and remembered as my virgin experience. How many people ever get that lucky in life? Especially when you're gay.
The bad thing is...that was the last time that we ever even talked about it. The next morning, he got up, got dressed, and he just went back to joking around with me as though we had been thrust back into the friend zone without warning. No intimate whispers, no secret kisses, no lingering gazes. I mean, we traded numbers and stuff, and we texted a few times...but after that, we shared a hug and said 'seeya later' and that was the end of it. He wasn't cold enough to me to say that it hurt, and it's not like he did anything to avoid me...it's just that I was feeling emotionally unsatisfied after a night that meant so very much to me. If that makes sense.
I harbored this emptiness inside of me since we left that newly built park by the lake, and I've been longing for another chance to talk to Sawyer and be close to him again ever since.
A longing that went unfulfilled.
That was three whole years ago. Three years ago today, on the park's anniversary. Now that I'm seeing him again, I almost wish that I could reverse the roles and pretend as if I didn't care...but I did. I cared soooo much. I just wish he'd notice.
Sawyer has been talking to me all afternoon as though it never happened. Not that he's been unfriendly or standoffish...I just...
...I'd really like to think that our night alone in that tent meant as much to him as it meant to me. I suppose that's what the power of nostalgia does to you. It takes you back to a time when every moment was an adventure, and every touch was an orgasm waiting to happen. For what it's worth...I think I did pretty good for a shy kid. Hehehe! I don't regret a thing.
And that brings me right back to the present. And our reunion here at the lake tonight.
"I've gotta piss...but I really don't want to get up." Sawyer said with a smile. I swear, I can still see hints of that same cute little heartthrob that I first fell so madly in love with way back then. He's just a more mature version of him. He kept that amazing ass though. So I'm definitely thankful for that. Hehehe!
"If you wet your pants in front of me, consider this the last time that we're hanging out. Like...ever." I grinned.
"Don't worry, I'll sacrifice my comfort for a trip to the bathroom. Or...at least towards an unlucky tree." He said. And he turned around to look at the park behind us, marveling at the fact that it was still standing strong. "Can you believe it, Josh? We actually had a hand in building this place. A place where...people can come and truly be themselves. Have fun. Get some entertainment and joy out of life any time they feel like dropping by. A playground that people are going to remember for ten, maybe even twenty, years to come. Maybe even more. How awesome is that?"
"Yeah. It is kinda cool when you think about it. Building something that makes a difference." I said. "A lot of good times are going to be made here. A lot of good memories too."
Sawyer turned his head slightly to look at me again. "Yeah. Some of my favorite memories come from this place." He turned his head to look at me, and our eye contact lingered for a moment...just like it did that night, with him flirtatious running his fingers through his blond hair, now slightly darker than it was before. And he repeated, "Some of my absolute favorite."
I smiled at him, turning red in the face. And he did the same. "Mine too." I told him. Does he remember? Can this possibly give me just a hint of the long awaited validation that I've been looking for?
I'm going to feel like such a SUCKER if I just cave in and crumble now at the first mention now!
That's when Sawyer held up his Mike's Hard Lemonade bottle to clink with mine. "To our anniversary, Josh."
"Anniversaries, Sawyer." I said, and we tapped them together before taking a healthy swig at the same time. Wow...either these things really do have a strong kick to them...or the swooning infatuation of my earlier fourteen year old heart got triggered and reactivated all over again as if for the first time.
All these years, and he's still a miracle to behold, you know? Poetry come to life.
"Alright, I'm getting up. I'll be right back." He said, giving me another chance to take one of my addictive peeks at his ass as he brushed himself off. But, before leaving, he asked, "You know...I packed up a tent of my own to bring with me this weekend. You wanna camp out tonight? For old time's sake?"
"You own a tent?" I giggled.
"Hey...watch it. There's nothing wrong with owning your own tent."
"I never said there was."
"Good. Because there isn't." He grinned.
"You never owned a tent before. That's all."
"I didn't see the benefits of having one at the time." Then with a smile and a wink, he added, "...Some things change, I suppose."
"Some don't." I replied with a flirtatious tone.
"Very true." He said. "Some get even better. I guess we'll find out, won't we?"
I didn't know how to come back with anything after he said that, but I nodded my head and felt my heart racing just like it did that one beautiful night we spent together. My ideas about sex have become a lot more 'imaginative' since I was that trembling little virgin twerp in Sawyer's arms. Something tells me that whatever parts of my erotic fantasies that were left behind that night might not be treated with the same level of modesty, come morning light. And I look forward to it.
My first time. My first kiss. My first real crush. Maybe there's more to discover here. Who knows? But for now, on the anniversary of me being a part of building something special with a boy that I loved so completely, someone who inspired a passion in me that I never even knew existed until I stumbled across him on some random weekend three years ago...
...I feel like it's something that I should never take for granted. I can't even imagine where I would be without it.
Now...let me finish off this bottle and try to get back up on my feet in the fresh air. I've got a tent to put up tonight. And another level of boy sex to explore. Wish me luck!
Hehehe!
**Thanks soooo much for reading, and for all of your feedback and support! And be sure to grab a copy of the new eBooks at the COMICALITY EBOOK SECTION link!!! More ebooks being posted every month! So keep an eye out!
GRAB THE "IF MEMORY SERVES" EBOOK ON WEDNESDAY THE 15TH FOR A WHOLE EXTRA CHAPTER!!!
https://imagine-magazine.org/store/comicality/
**
