Hey guys I know it's been several months or a year I don't even know I'm really sorry. I had pneumonia in December then recovered tried to write again but got a new job then all this craziness with corona virus. Anyway, here is the second installment of if only. I now have time to write since I am not working as much. I love all your positive vibes thank you so much for your feedback. As usual disclaimers if you shouldn't be here, under 18, can't read this content yada yada. Please donate to nifty I think right now they are experiencing a surge in web traffic seeing as everyone is home and probably reading more. Anyways, I'll upload locker room encounter chapter nine asap it's done. Love all of you!
If Only Chapter 2
Evan wrenched the door of his house open and dashed inside. Breathing heavily he stood with his back pressed to the door for a few moments. Aaron Edwards had just grazed his fingers against his. His heart was thundering. He couldn't tell if it was from the 3 blocks he had just sprinted across to get to his house or the fact that the hottest guy in school had just touched him. Just as he gained his composure again he set down his bag and then a new emotion came over him. He wasn't exactly ashamed of anything personal about him, but he wasn't ready for the backlash of idiots knowing that very thing about him either. He never told anyone or even said it out loud to himself because there was no need. Collapsing on an armchair he tried to regain his thoughts. What if everyone knew he was gay? What if everyone reacted? He held his head in his hands. There wasn't anything he could do about it now. Aaron was sure to squeal that to anyone he encountered next. Evan panicked. Maybe if he talked to him. Maybe if he actually tried to...
But that was stupid. No way in hell.
Deciding it was better to continue his life instead of brooding he headed upstairs to take a shower. The smell of sweat and adrenaline permeated his immediate surrounding and he didn't want mom to come home and flood him with questions.
Aaron gripped faded leather of the steering wheel. What had he done? Nothing happened. Nothing major anyway. Why did he have to panic like he did? It was just a few fingers why was it such a big deal. He pulled over to the side of the road, threw the car in park, and hung his head. What happened?
He made his mind up in two seconds and jammed it back into drive. He could have sworn he knew which house the kid ran into. But now that everything was as screwed up as it was, what was he going to say? Approaching the brown house on the end of the street, he had an idea. It was just going to go away. It wouldn't progress any further than this. That was it. This is the way it has to be. Fuck what a shitty idea...
Evan was toweling his hair dry after he got out of the shower. It made him feel better but he was still jittery. Then sadness took over him. Tears started to well in his eyes but he didn't cry. He was past feeling sorry for himself. The sorrow quickly dissolved into anger. He couldn't let his guard down again. Whatever happened next was his own fault and he would have to deal with it ready or not.
He heard a car pull into his driveway. Or at least stop near. A car door slammed.
"EVAN!"
The voice shot out through the quiet of the afternoon. It shook Evan and jolted him back to reality. He ran to the window. It wasn't anyone he recognized by sound that yelled his name.
Standing in front of his driveway was Aaron. His chest was puffed out. He could see him breathing heavily. A shot of ice ran through his veins. What did he want?
He opened the window.
"What do you want? Aren't you gonna tell the world that a fag came on to you?" He yelled back. Aaron looked back stony faced.
"That's not why I'm here. Why did you run?" Aaron answered.
"You told me to get out!"
"I know but...fuck why..." It was as though he couldn't get out the words.
"Just let me in!" He continued.
Evan considered him for a moment.
"No. Why would I?" He spat.
"Because I don't want to yell from the street or listen to you through a window!"
"That's not my problem." Evan replied. It would not happen again. He wasn't going to let what Aaron was trying to make happen, happen. He made to shut the window.
"Please hear me out. I'm sorry I didn't mean to freak out on you like that." Aaron said even louder. Shit what if the neighbors heard.
"Fine. Just to get your dumbass to stop shouting."
It was actually nerve wracking going down the stairs to open the door. Did he really just want to talk?
Aaron was slightly sweaty when the oak front door swung open a crack. He was breathing rapidly. Evan didn't unlock the screen door and looked at him cautiously.
"What do you want?" He asked him. The confidence in his voice was gone.
Aaron looked at him for a second. Then before he could stop himself the words spilled out.
"I'm not a queer." The statement was rather blunt.
Evan narrowed his eyes.
"Congratulations. Thanks for making this experience for me better." He replied coldly.
"Wait that's not what I meant I mean...Fuck why is it so hard to just talk to someone? Okay look." Said Aaron with his hands flying up to his forehead before landing exasperatedly at his sides.
"Before we met today I knew some things. I'm Aaron Edwards. I'm captain of the football team. I'm by default the most popular guy in school. Everyone knows my name. I date girls. I'm supposed to. I have to fit that mold. Everyone wants to be me. My parents expect me to want to be me. My friends think I want to be me."
Evan stood silently as all this tumbled out from the jock's mouth.
"I'm supposed to want to be me." He added finally.
After a few seconds pause Aaron turned around.
Some moments of silence passed. It was hard to assess what to say.
He let his shoulders slump.
"The fact that my life appears so perfect is what is so wrong about it. Everyone expects me to be the jock with the balls to do anything he wants. The world should be my kingdom." He continued. Evan opened the door a little more. This surely wasn't what he expected him to do.
"So what are you trying to tell me?" Evan asked him.
Aaron took a few seconds to gather his thoughts.
Everything in his life had made sense in some kind of way. Right now to him it all felt like the punch line of a bad joke.
"I didn't know someone could affect me like you did just by looking at me." Aaron answered. The emerald green eyes bore into him. They were still somewhat guarded but Evan softened his gaze a bit. He wasn't glaring at him anymore and somehow the screen door had opened. Aaron's own brown eyes were dark and showed no sign of resilience. He was out of his comfort zone and Evan could sense it. Maybe it could happen.
The air suddenly became thick. Evan wasn't in full control of himself anymore.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about someone like you."
And at long last it happened.
"I do know that you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. Before today I knew I liked girls. Only girls. Then I looked at you." Aaron said stepping closer tentatively.
"Is this real?" Evan whispered.
"I don't know what it is. I just know that I had a plan after you ran away to tell you that this could never be anything." Aaron said. The words played on his lips like the cruel joke this would turn out to be if he didn't kiss him right now.
Their lips were inches away.
"Are you like me too?" Evan tried to whisper.
"Maybe..." Aaron whispered back.
It was just a light brush of flesh at first. Aaron had one hand on the screen door, the other snaking it's way around Evan's waist. He didn't know how to react. The lips on the other boy were just as nervous but aching for the reunion. They were soft. There was a chill in the afternoon air but neither of them felt it. The heat radiating from their bodies making it warm for both of them.
Evan's lips were on fire. The sweetness of Aaron's breath played with the nerves. Every single sensation came to him all at once. Aaron's arms were now around him. Evan lost control of his body. His own arms found their way around Aaron's neck and pulled him closer. He could smell the slightly acrid scent of his skin mixed with his cologne. The aroma filled his nostrils and the little resistance that was left melted away.
This was his first kiss with another boy.
He imagined it would be in front of the Eifel Tower or a midnight garden not on his front porch on a chilly September afternoon. Their lips parted. They stood looking at each other for a moment.
Aaron spoke first.
"I'll see you tomorrow."