If Only I Could

If Only I Could 14

Ok first off let me get this out of the way I don't know the BSB, NSync and Britney spears this story is complete FICTION. Now just want to give a shout out to those people who ahve emailed me with ther commenest I really do appreciate them. I also aprreciate them letting me do this storyline the way I wanted hopfully everyone will be happy now.

The piano was looking dusty, I wonder when the last time I was in here I can't remember being so busy lately, got to keep busy , no time right now maybe later. This room feels so cold not warm anymore why do I have to go through this, It's not fair . Then again life is not fair I guess. God I am so cold'

"Kevin I'm home where are you?"

"I'm upstairs Alex"

"I should have known Kevin this is where you are all the time."

"I don't want to fight Alex."

"Neither do I Kevin. Get ready were going over to Nick and Mel's for dinner."

"Alex I really don't want to I got nothing done today and I really have a lot of work to do."

"I don't care Kevin we're going! I have had enough with this attitude. Life is for the living , he's dead and you need to get over it, Mel needs you she is getting married in a couple of weeks"

"You Bastard ! You dare to sit here and tell me to get over it, why he ever loved you is beyond me. For that reason I don't know why I love you!" he didn't think about it before he said it and was sorry for what he said. Alex just stood there and turned around and begin walking out of the room.

" We are going over to Nick's! I'm going to get changed you have about 25 minutes Kevin" and continued on his way to their bedroom.

Kevin followed behind him quietly trying to come up with the right words to say he was sorry . He didn't want to say anything unless thinking about it. He made his way into the bedroom to note that AJ had already gotten in the shower, normally he would join him however this was not the time or place. He sat on the counter waiting for Alex to finish working up the nerve to say anything. AJ ignored kevins presence and just wanted to forget everything and just sink into the past.

Flashback (AJ's POV)

"Kevin!"

"AJ what's up... You don't need to yell" Kevin replied as he entered the bedroom from the bathroom.

"Sorry Kevin, have you seen Caleb? He's not here."

"He's probably outside somewhere maybe in the back"

"How can you be so calm."

"Easy , he's with Joey"

"Joey's here."

"Yeah I heard him and Caleb laughing and joking downstairs while you were in the shower, sorry slipped my mind to tell you I would have thought you would have seen him"

"I should have guessed Joey is always here, maybe we should get him a room here."

"Well he probably wouldn't mind sharing Caleb's"

"About that." I approached Kevin trailing my hand up his torso and grabbing him by the chin.

"You should have told me sooner about Joey and his love Jones for Caleb."

"Sorry" Kevin laughed, " you know you are sexy when you get all motherly"

"You need to cut the apron strings"

"Sorry Its just I don't want anything to happen to Caleb. We almost lost him, and I don't want that to happen again not after everything"

"Someone I think is feeling guilty, Look AJ you can't change the past merely move on from this point. As as far as Caleb is concerned you have nothing to feel guilty about."

"I know Kevin but I never knew all these years he was still in love with me I foolishly thought he was still in love with you. And I mistrusted him for so long. Then he loses Lance"

"Ok hold the phone he `lost' Lance because of Lance and that's all. Lance had a problem with Caleb's past. he wanted to be the only thing in Caleb's life he wanted him to have no past loves. He felt Caleb should have been like him"

"That's foolish I can tell Caleb and he are soul mates , even if both of them are being pig headed. But that being said I am not going to let Lance hurt him."

"Well I doubt Joey will let that happen either" Kevin said

"When did he fall in love with him" I asked

"Not sure really but I do believe he loves him, this is not just some puppy love"

"So what do you say you go and find our wayward friend and I will be down when I dress"

"Ummm do you have to get dressed"

"Well I don't think Joey wants to see all of me" Kevin grinned patting AJ on the backside . He began looking through the closet for something to wear. "Oh sweetie did you feed Zeus?"

"Oh shit better do that , that dog scares me"

"Why, he just a big puppy"

"Well he doesn't seem to like me"

"You are paranoid he is gentle as they come" I was uncertain about the dog. Zeus certainly didn't seem friendly he wasn't mean or bite me. He just stared at me and made me uncomfortable, maybe he senses that I as uncomfortable around him. But he was massive hopefully he would be outside so I can get to his bowel. I walked into the kitchen, dam not so lucky.

"Morning Zeus" the dog just stared at me he was standing near his bowel with one paw in his bowel. I say he was hungry. I quickly grabbed the dog food and scooped out some to place in his bowel. Zeus just watched me approach and moved out of the way just far enough to allow me to place food in his bowel.

"Careful"

"Huh" I turned started dumping the food on the floor and the bowel. Zeus just snorted at me and began eating what was in the bowel

"You scared me"

"Relax AJ he won't bite, will you baby huh, my big baby dogs" Caleb was kneeled petting and rubbing Zeus like he was one overgrown puppy. Zeus turned and began wagging his tail and licking at Caleb ignoring the food. Like he was a different dog . "You know AJ he can sense you don't like him and he just reacts to it. It just a big teddy bear"

"Whatever , hey Joey, you eat yet"

"Umm no, How did you know I as here"

"Your always here" I smiled to make sure he knew I was ok with it. Joey just grinned sheepishly. Looking back at Caleb he looked even smaller next to Zeus he was still in boxers and a t-shirt and he looked undernourished. He lost a bit more weight. The doctor was concerned but Caleb's last visits showed he was starting to gain Wight again people think its hard to lose weight but it is hard to gain weight when you have lost a lot. He still needed to eat more. I have to admit he was doing better since Joe had been hanging around more. They had just finished the end of their tour so he could spend more time here. Well spend all his time here.

"Come here AJ"

"What Caleb "

"Here come pet Zeus you need to get friendly with him"

"I doubt it "

"Please!" he was looking at me with these big puppy eyes. It always worked even when we were together. Oh well. I kneeled down and stared at Zeus. He just sort of stared back and snorted at me Caleb took my hand and put it no Zeus head. He whispered in his ear Zeus actually looked like he was listening understanding . Just then Zeus pushed forward and knocked me back placing both of his big paws on my chest he started to lick my face.

"Ok , Ok boy let me up!" I was laughing. I grabbed his paws and lifted him up to get my balance and push him back. His paws are huge I think it was the first time I actually examine him up close.

"Hey he's got webbed paws!"

"Yeah, he's a Newf that's the way there paws are. it helps them swim better."

"That cool" I didn't realize I was petting Zeus and he was sitting contently by my side.

"See I told you he would like you"

"I guess your right"

"So Joe your quiet, what's up how's everything going?" I finally actually looked at Joey since they came into the kitchen, I tried not to look shocked but Joe was also in his boxers and t-shirt, obviously he spent the night. I will have to ask Caleb about this.

"Not much AJ just glad we finished the tour a small break then who knows what comes next were looking at maybe doing a movie me and Lance" he said it before he realized it and I could see the regret on his face and the scowl on Caleb's as he tensed up. Joey watched Caleb for some further reaction but he said nothing.

"So Joe what do you want for breakfast" Caleb asked

"Anything really , whatever your having"

"Not sure maybe some orange juice'

"Oh No you are having a full breakfast and that is it. so sit your butt down, you need to eat more."

"You know AJ, I'm not a child if, I'll eat when I'm hungry" he was getting huffy but I think more of it was coming from Joey bringing up Lances name.

"Well you are going to eat I'm worried about you"

"AJ I'm doing better "

"Fine KEVIN!" bring out the big guns it always works

"What Sweetie" Kevin came into the kitchen looking fabulous with just a pair of surf shorts on and shirtless. He came over to me and wrapped his arms around me and kissed my nose.

"So what up"

"Tell Caleb he needs to eat breakfast'

"Caleb you need to eat Breakfast" Kevin stated turning around. Caleb looked pissed he knew what I was doing.

"Fine Kevin, I'll have breakfast"

"Hey Joey Morning"

"Hey Kev"

Kevin turned back to me and reached for a coffee cup. "Joey spent the night" he whispered . I just raised my eyebrows and said nothing.

"So lets here have some cereal to start and I'll make you an omelet. " I handed Joey the cereal and milk and Caleb grabbed some bowels I meanwhile bean making omelets but I could see them in the reflection of the glass cabinets. Caleb was actually laughing at Joeys antics he was trying to feed him by making train and airplane noises. But Caleb was eating. Kevin was sitting reading the paper but I could tell he was watching them over the paper I couldn't tell what his reaction was going to be. I continued to watch as I made the omelets.

`So what is going on with you two?" Kevin asked just as I pulled the omelet from the stove . I almost dropped the pan with his bluntness. I turned to see him sitting staring at both Caleb and Joey both were shocked and at least one of them was confused at the question.

"Um nothing" Joey responded

"What are you talking about Kev"

"I'm talking about you too, what's going on? your acting like a couple"

"Well nothing were just friends" Joey was a little pale and nervous

"I know better Joey, Caleb when are you going to see.."

"Kevin stop" I said

"AJ"

"Kevin stop" I repeated he was getting annoyed with me I could tell. He though I was interfering

"When am I going to see what ? Kevin huh, maybe you want to know when I am going to see that Joey's in love with me?" We all stood there slack jawed, not knowing what to say. I think Joey was about to cry he was getting very nervous and his face had gone very red.

"Umm"

"Not very articulate Kevin" Caleb said and turned to Joey and saw his reaction he just smiled an took one of Joey's hands and held it .

"It ok Joey I've known for a while I was hoping you would eventually tell me , but I guess it wasn't meant to happen that way . I think its nice Joey, I like you and love you in a way , not sure if I will love you the way you love me though. I want to be honest with you" Joey looked almost defeated and started to get up to get out of the room but Caleb wouldn't let him.

"Joey I'm not finished"

"Well I think you are." he was trying to pull his hand but Caleb held tighter

"No Joey your not. I like what we have this friendship or whatever it is , I have been so down for the last little while and throughout it you've been great standing there cheering me up, just being here with me I am starting to see you in a new light. I can't promise you anything Joey , I won't be that mean. I am just getting out of a relationship here. But I would like what we have to grow. Maybe someday I can love you the way you love me, if that's what you want I just needed to be honest with you. Please don't leave"

Joey was standing there and slowly sank back to the chair he had some tears running down his cheek but a small smile was forming on his face.

"Ok"

"Ok, is that all !, I'm a little insulted" Caleb laughed and hugged Joey " So we are unofficially going to try to date"

"What exactly does that I mean" I asked

"Not sure but it sounded good when I thought of it."

"Yeah in your own little world where the sky is pink" Kevin laughed

Caleb was smiling and I was happy for him , he was right Joey being around had made Caleb happy. I wanted that if Joey did that for a while then all as good. But I wonder how this was going to affect his group and more importantly what was Lance going to say.

Present

" Kevin you hurt me you must know that. I can't believe you said that"

"Alex I am sorry I was mad and wasn't thinking and shouldn't have said that. I really do love you."

"I know"

"What?"

"That not what I was talking about, I know you love me, what upset me is what you said about Caleb loving me. You know I loved him Kevin and you knew how much it hurt when we broke up. But you and me were meant for each other. Not only that, you all apparently kept the secret of how he felt about me. I never realized it was me he was still in love with I always thought it was you. You above everyone else understand how I felt when I found out the truth at Brian's wedding. I spent years doubting him looking for his next move wondering when he was going to make the move on you. I spent so much time not trusting him and when I find out the truth I am not given the time to make amends"

"Alex listen I am sorry I never realized you still felt this way, I want to tell you something"

"What" Alex was audibly crying in the shower

"Caleb told me something a week before he died that I think you should know. He told me how happy his life was, Lance and he were back on track, he and Joey were friends he was a god father now, Mel was getting married, Nick was going to be his son . The one thing that made him happiest is that the secret was over between you too. that you new how he felt and how your friendship and trust made him feel complete. When you stood up and took care of him after Lance and he broke up he said that he finally felt that the wall between you guys was gone. I know that when he died he felt you had repaired your relationship ten fold."

"Oh Kevin I just wish I had more time"

"So do I Alex so do I. You better get out we need to head out soon."

"Yeah your right Kevin"

Two weeks Later

"Hey Mel where are the extra plates"

"There up in the third cupboard Joey," she hollered from the next room

"Oh sorry forgot"

"Now Joey how could you forget, I never changed anything."

"Oh you again I don't think you should be here"

"Uh Joe bear I didn't invite myself I'm your doing remember."

"Don't remind me"

"So are you going to tell them about me I can't wait to see there faces"

"Oh Yeah Caleb that would be sweet hey guys look whose here my imaginary dead ex boyfriend"

" Well when you put it that ay it makes no sense at all" Caleb was grinning'

"So what all this about anyway"

"It the big dinner before the wedding everyone is coming over tonight then we all head out tomorrow to North Carolina for the wedding, how could you forget?"

"I didn't forget. You forget that I am not real Joe, I only remember and feel what you want me to"

"Mel is a beautiful girl isn't she"

"Yeah you were very proud of here"

"I can see why I was Nick is a lucky guy"

"The rest of the guys should be here soon"

"Yeah I better go. or I could stick around"

"No Caleb I think you need to leave"

" Are you sure Joey I like being here"

"Well I need you to leave"

"Ok Joey" with that the image was gone and Joey made his way around the kitchen gathering up things he didn't notice Leighanne in the doorway. When he turned around he got a start and almost dropped all the plates that he was carrying.

"God Leighanne you scared me"

"Sorry Joey didn't want to disturb you"

"Huh"

"Tell me joey how long have you been talking to yourself, or more to the point how often have you been talking to Caleb"

"Ahhh well I ..."

"Its all right I'm just a little worried, although if I heard right I don't think he will be back."

"No , I don't think so I don't need him, I am doing better with counseling"

"That good , Brian and I have our moments but we take it one day at a time." she leaned in and gave him peck on the cheek and took some of the plates from him. They made their way into the living room. Everyone else was here. Nick's family had arrived earlier in the week and everyone but Lance had arrived so far. Justin and Britney came separately and said that Lance was still getting ready but that he would be here. It was the first time that he had been in the house since the funeral. Mind you after his and Justin's talk he did call and talk to both Nick and Mel for a long time. Apologizing and asking to be forgiven. Mel was just like Caleb. She never held a grudge and told him she was happy that he was seeing someone and that Logan seemed nice

"So Justin tell us what this Logan guy is like" Kev asked

"You just leave him alone when he gets here. So no third degree from the posse" Britney stated

"Yes guys make him feel welcome. If he helped Lance back to us he must be a good guy" Mel added

"Ok sweetie I will keep the guys in line" Nick added. "Now guys leave him be when he gets here"

"Ok we will" came a disgruntled reply from the group of men in the room well all except Josh he was really quiet the entire time. Justin noticed this and pulled him to the side as everyone went about there own business returning to previous conversations.

" Josh bud are you ok you're a little quiet"

"Well it nothing Justin"

"No its something tell me"

"Is just.."

"Josh come on something is bothering your"

"Its just I really haven't talked to Lance since we had that blow up and I really don't now how he is going to react"

" Is that all don't worry about it , everything is going to be ok"

"I don't know well I do and don't worry"

"Ok curly"

Outside

"Jimmy how long are we going to sit here, come on they are probably waiting we need to get on in there"

"I don't know about this Logan to many ghosts"

"I understand Lance but you and I agreed that if we were to ever move forward you had to confront those ghosts cause I would be your friend but I would not compete with the ghosts for your love"

"I know Logan I know. Ok lets go I need to do this for myself" Lance got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side where Logan stood waiting. He took Logan's hand and smiled at him and then began walking to the front door. He became very aware of his breathing as he approached the door . His breathing was getting slower and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He sighed an then rang the door bell"

"Coming" could be heard from the inside

Lance began to tense up at the voice "I think maybe"

"Uh UH jimmy" Logan griped his hand tightly and held him in place just then the door opened

"Daddy come in" Mel gave him a peck on the cheek and pulled him into the room along with Logan the room was silent as they entered the living room everyone watched as Lance entered with the exception of the NSync guys no one had seen the new look and needless to say they were shocked they laughed at Lance's blushing face however as Mel was dragging him into the room. Logan had let go of Lance's hand and stayed around the corner not wanting to disturb their friends. Britney on the other hand had different ideas.

"I see you Logan come here and meet everyone, stop hiding everyone wants to meet you" Britney smiled

"That's what I was worried about"

"You have nothing to worry about sweetie the guys got there warnings they won't interrogate you too much" She laughed as she pulled him into the room. Everyone turned to see why Britney was laughing and stood silent staring at the new member of the group. Justin was the first to say anything

"Hey Logan glad you could come," he leaned in and whispered " glad you drug Lance here to" patting him on the back and pulling him further into the room now Logan had Britney on his left and Justin on his right he was desperately seeking out Jimmy , but couldn't find him anywhere.

Justin noticed and whispered " he's with Josh their talking" Logan smiled at him and nodded

"So you must be the new beau huh, I'm Nick"

"Umm yeah I do know who you guys are"

"Nick laughed sorry forget that sometimes"

"Ok"

"So I take it we have you to thanks for scoop's new attitude and all" it was Chris saying this

"Well it was all him I only pointed him in the same direction"

"Well I don't know how true that is " Chris responded

" So tell me Logan what are your intention towards our scoop" Kevin added coolly

"Kevin stop it leave him alone" Howie added

"It a valid question"

"Kevin, stop it" AJ added

"Fine AJ" and he stormed off

AJ made short work of the situation and followed him outside not letting Kevin get to far ahead of him. He approached Kevin as he stood by the pool watching the evening stars overhead . AJ stopped he didn't really say anything just stopped and stared at Kevin's back watching his breathing . Slowly he noticed Kevin breathing become more ragged and watched as his husbands shoulders began to rise an fall sharply. Although Kevin didn't make a noise AJ new he was crying. He debated as to whether he should say anything or allow Kevin to get this off his chest he had been keeping so much bottled up it was good to see him realize.

"Kevin" AJ added slowly Kevin didn't respond he tried to stop himself from crying and whipped at his eyes.

"Kevin don't hide it I was here the entire time." AJ made quick work and closed the gap between himself and Kevin.

"Please Kevin come with me to therapy this is killing you . I have never seen you treat someone like you did to Logan, why did you do that"

"Uhhh sob I don't now sniff, I felt like he was trying to take Caleb's place."

"Kevin you must know he is not doing this I am sure he understands what is happening here an how hard it is for him to instantly become part of a group. You know when he started dating Lance he started dating us all. I am surprised he even agreed to come here. Actually. Kevin I am sorry but you were mean in there and I love you dearly but that was uncalled for and unacceptable behavior from you." AJ said this out of love he felt hoping that Kevin new how he truly felt and would take what he said to heart.

"I can't help how I feel " he stated still drying the tears from his eyes, "but I will apologize you are right that was uncalled for."

"Well I guess it is a start Kevin, but I want you to come with me to see my therapist you need to get over this he helped me a great deal . And you need to work this out."

"Alex I will think about it I promise, but after the wedding we have to leave in the morning for North Carolina for the wedding . I don't want to miss it I want to be there for Nick and Melissa besides Mel asked me to walk her down the aisle.

"What?... why didn't you tell me Kevin I didn't know that when did she asked you"

"Relax Alex breathe she asked me tonight when we first got here. She was going to announce it tonight"

"So how do you feel about it"

"Well at first I didn't want to thinking it was really Caleb's place. But she argued that she was unsure of who to ask everyone has been big in her life you and Lance, but she and Nick in the end wanted me."

"That's it"

"Well no but she wants to explain here decision to everyone so I will let her. Beside I think we need to get back in there. I probably should apologize to Logan" Kevin cast his eyes and and scuffed his feet along the patio like a small child

"Yeah Kev you do come on lets go"

"Ok Alex"

AJ led Kevin back into the house to the party quietly reflecting on the days that were coming. Prying to god which he seemed to do lot these days that everything would go as planed and Mel and nick would live happily ever after .

Inside the studio

"Ok J.C you wanna talk"

"Yeah Lance I would like that, but I first want to apologize for what I said to you that at the studio I was just so upset and frustrated and did not want to watch you throw your life away like that. I was scared and got upset, I hope you forgive me" JC looked at Lance's eyes he needed to do this , all he saw was forgiveness and friendship, no anger were evident.

"I accept your apology now will you accept mine I closed people off and acted like a spoiled brat pushing everyone away when I should have been pulling my friends closer. I didn't see that then but know I do. I was upset by what you said but JC you were the only one that said nothing during the last months just sat by and listened. When you said what you said it made me think and take stock in what I as doing. It helped me finally see what I was becoming and I did not like it. Logan helped a lot the last few weeks and I thank him for being here for me. I just hope you can accept my apology JC I am truly sorry for the way I acted ."

"Lance I accept you apology I just miss my friend I want him back."

"You got it J.C"

The two men hugged an embraced patting each other on the backs both had small smiles forming on there faces enjoying the fact they their friendships was intact and they had not lost anything. The hug seemed to go on for a while until J.C pulled away. And with sly smile asked " So, you and Logan a thing huh raising his eye brows up and down"

Lance blushed and lightly punched him in the arm "Well JC I like him and we have had sex , but over the past two weeks. I feel a strong bond with Logan but I think its more friendship. I don't know how he feels and I don't want to hurt him but I am still in love with Caleb" Lance bowed his head and looked at the most interesting pattern on the floor.

"J.C sighed, its ok Lance its not like we expect you just to stop loving him you guys were soul mates after everything that happened you had come back to one another. I think Logan knows that and all you can do is be honest with him Lance. I don't know him that well but from what Justin and Brit are saying he is a great guy and will probably understand"

"I guess so I just feel bad that I can't return these feeling and don't want him to feel like I I am leading him on"

" I really don't think he will Lance like I said be honest, and I think that we should get back out there you need to protect him from the others"

"What you don't think , oh god I better get out there"

"Relax Lance I don't think anyone would do that , but I bet he is uncomfortable not really knowing anyone."

" Yeah I guess your right lets go."

The two friends made there way out of the den and back to the party. The rest of the gang had gathered around and were broken into different clusters chatting before supper was served. People were laughing and looking and smiling. Lance looked over the group and felt that it's has been awhile that they had been this way. He scanned the room looking for Logan and found him in the corner with Justin and Britney. Logan had yet seen him up but he noticed that he was looking uneasy and kept casting his eyes at where Kevin and AJ were talking with Joey and Chris. He looked almost nervous when he looked at Kevin. Lance needed to know what was going and made his way pulling JC with him. Lance sensed that there was something wrong but was unsure of what is was as he and JC approached he caught a bit of Justin was saying

"Don't mind Kevin he is being a but head"

"Why is Kevin a butt head?" Lance asked know he was looking from Logan to Kevin and back again. Kevin had looked up when Lance was staring at him he quickly cast his gaze downward and became to fidget uncomfortably

"What happened Logan tell me please"

"Its really nothing Jimmy nothing at all "

"No secrets Logan"

"Well if he isn't I will tell you Kevin made a nasty innuendoes about Jimmy and what he was up to, but lucky AJ stopped him and took him outside. The nerve of him who does he think he is"

"Brit calm down ok" Justin replied

"I am sure Kev has a reason" JC supplied

"Yeah and I probably know what it is about too."

"Yeah you probably do" they were startled all except Logan he was facing the same direction all the others had there backs to Kevin so they never saw or heard him approach.

"Look Kevin if you are ..."

"Let him speak Britney" Lance replied

"Look I am ashamed at what I did and I am sorry Logan I should not have been interrogating you, I miss Caleb and felt like you were taking over his place and that bothered me and I know that this doesn't mean anything or excuse my behavior just wanted to understand where I was coming from"

"I understand Kevin and thank you for apologizing , I am no trying to take Caleb's place I am just trying to have a relationship with Lance."

"I know that and understand that but I really don't want this to come between us"

Kevin turned to walk back towards AJ but before he got to far Lance had grabbed is arm and turned him around , Lance didn't say anything he merely gave Kevin and hug and a quick kiss on the cheeks. Kevin smiled and walked back to where AJ was standing waiting for him , he was grinning like a Cheshire act. Mel was holding onto Nick's hand looking at the room and watched Kevin as he had talked to Logan and apologized , she was sure she made the right choice now in choosing Kevin she new Papa would have been proud of her.

"Everyone could I have your attention before we eat, I have somewhat of an announcement to make Kevin and Lance know what this is about ." Kevin looked over to Lance he was a little surprised he didn't think Lance would have known. Lance only looked at him and winked and smiled.

"Well I made a decision, about the wedding I asked Kevin if he would walk me down the isle and give me away." Nick moved around her and placed his hands around her waist as she spoke and held her close.

"I had considered Lance and AJ . I chose Kevin because he was always there the one constant in my life besides Caleb . As well Kev has been sort of like a surrogate father to Nick as he was growing up. He played such a big part in your lives just like papa had so we thought it would be fitting if he stepped in and walked me down the isle" Kev had tears in his eyes and AJ was rubbing his back the rest of the room was smiling and congratulating Kevin. Melissa walked over and gave in a kiss and led him into the dining room. They had decided to get the supper tonight catered and rented a series of large tables to accommodate everyone. In addition to the groups, Nick' parents were there as well as his brother and sisters. The meal had gone on without any hitches everyone had gotten together and enjoyed an evening of friendship.

Later in the evening

"God Nick will you just go to sleep and stop tossing and turning you could survive a couple of nights without Mel around." Joey sighed frustrated.

Why did he say Nick could spend the night in the guest house. Nick couldn't sleep alone so he asked Joey if could spend the night in his bed, he use to do it when he was young and nervous only usually it was Brian that he crashed with, but he didn't think that Leighanne would appreciate that.

"Sorry Joey I will try to sleep , I am just nervous"

"I understand Nick you are going to spend the rest of your life with the one person that you love with all your heart. That is a big step and one I am jealous of"

Nick paused forgetting how lonely Joey must be those last few months. " Joey how are you doing I have totally ignored what you must be going through I am sure that you will find someone to love Joey. There is someone out there for you, God doesn't let a person live alone for the rest of his life."

"I don't know Nicky I hope you are right cause I am going to stay optimistic though Nicky and you shouldn't feel worried about me. I am doing much better then I have been and I feel that there is something big going to happen to all of us soon . Now go to sleep Nick before I make Mel a widow before she even marries you"

"Ha ha ha, funny Joey I get the point I will sleep" Nick laid still not moving just breathing and thinking to himself `I doubt I will be able to sleep until after Mel and I are married' he continued to stare at the ceiling waiting for sleep to over come him

When Caleb built the house he built it with guests in mind with lots of room and bedrooms for visitors. Brian and Leigh had there own room as did the rest of the guys, Nick's parent were in the master bedroom, Kev and AJ were in there room Howie was sharing with JC , Mel and Brit were having a slumber party in Mel's room with Nick's sisters. Lance was still uncomfortable in the house that's why he agreed to take the small guest room in the ground floor he and Logan were sharing it with Justin and Aaron. Lance was uncomfortable so he suggested a sleepover in there room thinking the extra people around would make him feel more comfortable. He was wrong it didn't the ghosts were still running around in his head . He lied there staring at the pattern in the ceiling , Logan was already asleep he was lying on his stomach curled up the Lance's side with his arm draped across Lance's smooth chest. Lance could feel Logan's slow rhythmic breathing against his body. While on the floor he could her the snoring of both Aaron and Justin. He wondered if he would ever be comfortable in this house again for that matter could he ever be comfortable sleeping with anyone that wasn't Caleb . He stared at the ceiling checking out the swirling pattern that had been painted there, he closed his eyes and remembered.

Past

Lance stood in the empty room except for the drop cloth on the floor and a step ladder. On which Caleb stood bare chest reaching over head painting the ceiling in a swirling pattern . He was using a dark midnight blue color, the end goal as Caleb explained was to make the ceiling look like the night time sky. However Caleb's painting ability was not that great he managed to get just as much paint on himself as he had on the ceiling. His hair and chest was splattered with paint and his hair longer now kept hanging done into his eyes. Lance surveyed the scene and laughed. Startling Caleb thus causing him to loose his balance . Luckily he didn't fall to the floor but he managed to place his hand in the paint can splashing more paint on his face. Causing Lance only to laugh more.

"God sweetie you scared me to death and what is so dam funny"

Lance continue to laugh and pointed at Caleb he was holding his side to splint it . "OOOH Aught ...I I I. Giggle .. You look so cute covered in all that paint"

"Oh I look cute do I?" Caleb was walking toward Lance with the paint brush in his hand. Lance was too busy laughing to realize what Caleb was planning. He reached up and ran the paint brush up and down Lance's face. Lance stopped laughing and stared at him with his mouth agape. " Oh I don't believe... You are so in for it now"

"Caleb stuck his tongue out and ran around the room avoiding Lance as he chased him. Caleb's luck however didn't hold out much longer as he slipped on some paint and slid into the wall. It was at that point that Lance caught up with him and pinned him to the floor "Oh you thought that was funny huh"

"Well you were laughing at me" Caleb pouted sticking his lip out.

"That's not going to work this time boy"

"Oh really huh then maybe this will" Caleb grabbed Lance and brought his lips to his and began passionately kissing him. Lance pulled tighter splattering his t shirt with the paint that was over Caleb chest . . They began to roll around on the floor, Caleb removed Lance's t-shirt by tearing it down the center. And went back to kissing and groping one another . Lance began to nibble on Caleb's ear as he fumble with the button on Caleb's shorts finally releasing then and pushing them over his bubble butt.

"Well what do we have here huh going commando were we?" Caleb blushed well it was hard to tell considering all the paint that as on his face but Lance was sure it was there. Whenever Caleb blushed he had a habit of casting his eyes downward like he was doing know. Lance pulled his face back towards him gently and smiled softy.

"I am so happy that you aren't wearing any sweetie no need to blush" and begin kissing him. Caleb was naked on the drop cloth and Lance was now straddling him in only a pair of boxer shorts see he hadn't gotten dressed when he came to check on Caleb. They began to grope each other more passionately and rolled around the room knocking over he paint cans soon both were cover in paint as their hands spread the paint over each others body. Caleb now had the upper hand and was straddling Lance . He began tracing stripes upon chance s chest and body making him resemble a tiger as he did this he was sucking on of nipples Lance relaxed with touch allowing Caleb to paint his masterpiece. Caleb slowly inches his way down Lance's belly. Using his teeth to pull the boxers off slowly. Lance's cock smacked his belly as the waist band had pulled it down. Lance had run his finger through Caleb's hair as he sucked on his balls. . Caleb continued the long tongue bath before he continued to move up to Lance's cock. Lance closed his eyes and remembered the feeling of his lover .

Lance was brought out of his memory when Logan began to nibble his neck and ear. With his eyes closed he unconsciously spoke out Caleb's name. This did not get passed Logan but he continued to kiss Lance and then settled down close to him not wanting to take it further with others in the room.

" Sleep Jimmy you going to need your rest honey" and pulled him close. Lance settled down and Logan could feel Lance's breathing slow down and even out suggesting he was asleep. ` I have to give it time, in time he may love me as much as he loved Caleb I have to hold onto that .' and he settled down and drifted off to sleep

Elsewhere

"Honey sweetie sugah pie"

"What Lily, you want something so get it over with, come on I was in the middle of putting James down for his nap, you know he gets cranky if he doesn't get it"

"Yeah I know how cranky you get if you don't get yours"

"Well you know with a baby you have to take your sleep when you can get it'

"Yeah JJ yeah"

`Wish you would tell me why you are having those nightmares' Lily thought to herself

"You still there lily"

"Yeah you need to get that suit out from the closet I need and escort for the rehearsal tonight."

"I don't think so."

"Relax you can bring James with you I am sure he looks cute in a little suit he will be the charmer of the party"

"That's not it I am sure you can find another person to take ."

"No way JJ you need to get out of the house and socialize and beside you have worked hard on this wedding planning and you should reap some of the benefits so I am not taking no for an argument"

JJ sighed "Fine Lily I will be ready. what time?"

Around 6pm I am having lunch with the clients I am waiting for them at coupe de tarts, Finally going to meet them how exciting." JJ rolled his eyes at Lily's sarcasm.

"Please keep the sarcasm out of your voice when you meet them"

"You know how much I hate spoiled rich people."

"Yeah just be a good actress and don't let them know"

"Oh I will be a perfect southern belle"

"Well I said make it believable"

"Bitch"

"You say that like it's a bad thing"

"Got to go Lily, I will be ready for 6pm tonight enjoy your lunch ok"

"Yeah and you better be ready" with that Lily hung up here cell phone.

Lily sat in a corner table of the very chic restaurant strumming her fingers upon the linen tablecloth waiting for her clients to arrive. She had hung up with JJ over ten minutes ago and she was not normally a patient person when it came to waiting. Especially for the rich and spoiled. But JJ was right she needed to control herself she couldn't risk losing other potential clients that they could refer her too. She was lost in thought at the whole situation and didn't realize that the Matre'd had begun to seat her clients, only brought out of her thinking when asked her if they were prepared to order drinks at this time.

"Oh I'm sorry" she stood up and introduced herself to the clients " Hello my name is Lily Vanco, pleased to finally meet you" she couldn't place then they looked so familiar well the guy did anyway she was running through her head at how she would now him

"Hi My name I Melissa and this is my Fiancé Nicholas"

"Hi Lily" the man replied. When he spoke it all dawned on Lily she stood there mouth agape looked like a fish gasping for air

"I think she recognized me sweetie, please Miss Vanco sit down and breathe" Nick helped her sit down please don't scream we have kept this all under raps."

"Of course Mr. Carter please accept my apology I.."

"Hush you did nothing wrong beside he gets that all the time"

"Still I feel so foolish" Lily blushed a dark shade of red.

"Again don't worry we are very pleased with the work you have done and can't wait to see everything this evening at the rehearsal"

"Well the church is all ready just some last minute things for tomorrow the placing the fresh flowers and setting up the pavilion. It as great choice the area around is so secluded and the plantation makes a great spot for family and friends to stay, Have your guests started to arrive?" "Yes the wedding party is already here and most of the guests have arrived. You will meet some of them tonight. I do hope you are coming" Mel insisted

"Oh well yes of course in case there are any last minute changes to be made I want to get on it right away"

"That's fine just enjoy yourself"

"I do hope a lovely lady like your self will come escorted" Nick flashed a brilliant smile

`What a charmer Lily thought I can see what she sees in him'

"Of course I am bringing my friend JJ he helped a great deal with the wedding, we used a lot of his ideas in the actual wedding planning. I really don't now what I would do without him. I hope you don't mind but he will be bring his 9 month old son James"

"Oh no not at all we love children right Nicky"

"Yeah can't wait to meet the little guy"

The rest of the meal was kept professional as Lily went over the entire plans for the next two days with the couple bringing out timetables and schedules. Lily was nothing if not meticulous when it came to organization everything had a place and a time set forth.

Later that day

"JJ JJ JJ OH my god you are never going to believe who I am working for" Lily was out of breathe and could not speak.

"Obviously someone that has you impressed you to the point where you are rambling like a fool"

"Oh my god your not dressed we have to go JJ get ready"

"Relax yourself I just finished getting James ready here take him. It will only take me a minute to get dressed relax"

"You don't understand we can't be late"

"We won't be late Lily. God who are these people?"

"These people just happen to be Nick Carter of the Backstreet boys and his fiancé Melissa Townsend."

JJ caught himself against the table as his knees buckled what was going on his head. His brain was on fire his eyes lost focus images danced through his mind and before his eyes like he was reliving an entire life. The pain was intense his body started to convulse as he continued to descend to the floor unable to hold his own weight any more. Lily watch in horror as her friend began to fall and spasm on the floor.

"JJ"

James startled, began to scream and wail and thrash in Lily's arms. She could not do anything frozen in shock as she tried to calm him in her arms and make her way to JJ on the floor. JJ's head was spinning he couldn't stop the influx of images and memory, faces and scenes flashed before him a stormy night a car next there is water everywhere it feels like it is filling his lungs , images of pulling a baby. Then a blinding light he feels tired and spent laying there . He is brought out of this by the weeping of Sebastian and Lily speaking to him

"JJ sweetie wake up please oh my god JJ please wake up" he open his yes slowly to see Lily holding the baby

" Oh JJ thank you God your ok she had tears running down her face" he reached up and stroked them out of the way

" Caleb" he crocked out

"What?" she questioned

"My name is Caleb not JJ" he himself had tears running down his face as he finally remembered who he was and what had happened . He tried to get up but Lily stopped him

"Stay JJ your confused relax we are taking you to the hospital"

"NO we need to get to that rehearsal now" he didn't know where he got the strength from but he pushed his way up and stood taking Sebastian in his arms and holding him tight. Sebastian calmed down was he was in Caleb's arms he felt safe and secure

"We are not going you need to see a doctor"

"I do not Lily and don't argue with me we need to go like yesterday I am fine finally after all this time I am fine and I remember who I am and what happened I will explain on the way but we need to go."

"But JJ"

"Lily my name is Caleb Sark and that is my cousin that is getting married and this little boy is Sebastian Littrell. Please Lily help me we need to go" Lily was shocked but agreed if only to calm Caleb down. ` "You need to hurry Caleb the if you want to go"

The Church

"Mel this place is gorgeous the wedding planner did an excellent job"

"Yeah Brit she did! Its gorgeous wait till tomorrow when all the flowers are set up, I am so pleased. I wasn't sure about having someone else do it, but she followed my directions well. Its like she knew exactly what I was looking for."

"So where is she? she shouldn't she be here?"

"I am sure she will be here, she need to pick up her date"

"Who is picking up their date"

"Hey Leighanne the wedding planner Lily Vanco, She is bringing her date and his son"

"Oh son"

"Yeah Leighanne," Mel was beginning to think it might not have been a good idea to tell Lily she could bring a baby .

"Yeah Lily's boyfriend has a baby"

"Its ok Mel don't worry about me , I can handle seeing a baby you know"

"Sorry Leighanne I didn't want to upset you"

"You need to worry about tomorrow and your wedding not anything else"

"Leigh's right Mel this is about you don't worry so much"

"Well we probably should find the guys and get ready for the rehearsal" Britney added

"Yeah I don't know who's more nervous Nick or Kevin" Leighanne laughed

"AJ says that Kevin didn't sleep at all last night and he has been a ball of nervous energy all day"

"Oh my god" Britney laughed " He still has one day to go, Joey said Nick kept him up all night with his tossing and turning"

"Poor Joey" Mel laughed " Nick told me he slept like a baby that he was not nervous at all"

"Speaking of Joey guys have you noticed anything strange?" Leighanne inquired

"Like what Leighanne?" Brit questioned.

"You mean his talking to himself?" Mel added

"Yeah , But he's' not talking to himself"

"I Know" was the only reply Mel made before she turned and walked away. Tears were starting to form but she was determined to hold them back, she was going to get through this.

"Wait Mel..." Brit was stopped by Leighanne "Give her minute Brit"

" Leighanne why is that bothering her, I understand Joey taking to himself may be worrisome considering all that he was through but."

"He is talking to Caleb"

"What huh.."

"So Nicky My boy are you nervous" Brian said slapping him on the back

"Not at all Brian why would I be nervous , cool as a cucumber slept like a baby" came Nick's reply

Joey was drinking a glass of wine and spit it out at Nick's response. Everyone turned towards him to see if he was ok all he could do was sputter and cough. Nick was giving him a more penetrating look

"Like a baby is right he was even up every two hours for his feedings" Joey responded. Everyone laughed at Nick as he blushed and tried to hide his face. Mel came forward and snuck up behind him wrapping her arms around Nick. He instantly new who it was and relaxed into the touch.

"Hey sexy" she spoke "why is everyone laughing did I miss a good joke"

"Yeah, but you had to be there" AJ responded and Nick mouthed thank you to him .

"So Kev are you ready I think the priest wants to get things on the road"

"Umm yeah lets do this" he replied.

Mel took his hands and looked up at him "Kevin relax your palms are sweating so bad you think I was taking you to your execution" Kevin merely smiled meekly and squeezed her hand.

"Are we ready to begin at this time my children"

"Yes I believe were all here" Nick responded

"Fine then if I could have the groom at the front of the church with his best man and whoever is standing for him."

Mel and Nick wanted to keep the wedding party simple so Nick had Brian as his best man and he asked Aaron to stand with him as well. Melissa had Britney and Leighanne standing with her and they went with Kevin to the back of the church . AJ and Joey were going to be ushers . Lance, Logan, Josh Justin Howie and Chris were all gathered around the front of the church waiting for the rehearsal to begin

"How are you holding up" Josh leaned in to catch Lance's ear. While looking towards the back of the church he was watching Leighanne make her way down the isle with Britney just beginning.

"Ok I guess all things considering" not looking back at Josh he just held Logan's hand a little tighter and leaned into him. Nick was looking a little nervous as he watched them come down the isle. Next thing he saw was Mel standing next to Kevin they slowly made there way down the isle. Brian watched and silently laughed to him self `God if he is this nervous know wait till tomorrow`. Kevin looked absolutely terrified as he concentrated on his step. It was so funny he who knew all these complex dance moves was focusing more on this simple walk then any of those dance moves. He thought he would never get to the end of the isle. Everyone was looking at him and Mel. He could feel her squeeze his arm gently for reassurance . They made it to the front and they waited fro the priest to speak.

"Ok now that we are here I ill ask who gives this Bride away and .." he turns to Kevin "you say I do and then you step back to your seat . Ok then I will ..."The priest was interrupted by a startled scream

"OH MY GOD" everyone turned towards the scream to notice Britney had fainted on the floor. Justin rushed up from his seat to be by her side everyone had gathered around her but no one noticed the figures standing at the back of the church.

"Britney sweetie wake up , what's wrong" Justin was sitting on the alter with Britney's head on his lap gently stroking her cheek.

"Britney please" Britney slowly began to open here eyes and looked at the crowd realizing she was on the floor and she was immediately blushing .

"Sorry guys I though it saw someone." not wanting to mention what she saw incase it upset Mel. She looked down the isle and gasped she really had seen him, she was paling again everyone turned to see what had frightened her.

"Oh my god'

"What"

"It can't be"

"How"

"It's not possible"

Came the responses from those gathered as they stood and realized who was standing in suit at the end of the isle.

Kevin was the first to speak his name "Caleb"

I merely smiled and began to walk down the isle Sebastian was squirming a little in my arms so I decided to put him down and held his little hand as he walked unsteadily towards the group of friends at the end of the isle. It was so great to be able to remember and be the near the ones I loved. As I walked down the isle of the church it seemed like everyone was holding their breath like I was a mirage. Joey however seemed very calm like this happened all the time I would have to ask him about that later. I had small smile on my face as Sebastian pulled himself down the isle he was still unsteady he had just started walking. I was sorry that Brian and Leighanne had missed out on that moment in his young life but they would have many other moments with him. I let Sebastian's hand go and he walked towards Brian and Leighanne all smile's and giggles. Then he didn't something that blew me away "dada, mama" he said as he made his way towards them.

that was I think when they finally realized that we were real, with tears streaming down their faces the rushed forward and scooped Sebastian up in there arms hugging him so tight as to never let him go. As they stood there weeping in joy I approached them. Brian looked up at me with tears in his eyes and caught my gaze then he did something I don't understand he turned away in shame not looking at me. I gently reached out and turned his face towards me before I spoke

"Brian look at me, didn't promise you I would keep him safe and bring him back to you" Brian pulled his face down and cast his eyes to the floor. I didn't know what was up but I wanted to leave it alone for now. I turned around to see my baby " I told you I wouldn't miss your wedding no matter what". She slowly reached hear hand out to touch me I am sure this was all so surreal for all them when she realized that I was real he jumped into my arms and began to sob. I comforted her patting her back consoling her

"It's ok Papa's here" I held her in silence as the rest just absorbed what was happening finally releasing her grip she looked up with tears in her eyes. I gently rubbed them away.

" But how papa how ?"

"Shhhh baby I will explain in a moment. I looked around trying to find my heart my reason for living I scanned the group. When I saw him I couldn't believe my eyes he was so different his hair was short and purple he had several piercing in his eye brows and chin and multiple piercing in each ear. He was wearing sunglasses so I couldn't see his eyes but I could see the tears running down his cheeks . I also noticed the guy standing with him holding my James in his arms. It felt like a knife through my heart he had moved on . He had found love in someone else. I stood staring at him not moving observing the situation . He stood there watching me back. Then he reached up and removed his sunglasses so I could see his eyes. We stared at each other for what seemed and eternity . The others in the room did not speak just stood there. I took a breath and spoke quietly.

" I am sorry James I didn't realize." Casting my eyes to where this mans hands were holding Lance he followed my gaze and looked quickly up at me. He released himself from Logan's grip and slowly made his way towards me . I stood still not moving not sure what to do. My heart was breaking knowing James had found love in another's arms even if I did understand why. He slowly approached me tears still visible and reach out to place his hand on my chest. He made and audible sigh when his hand touched something solid. I guess he thought maybe I as a mirage. I found my will to move and brought my hand up and placed it up his

"I promised that nothing would keep me from you" I whispered. With that he reached out with his other hand and pulled me towards him our kiss started soft and meek and our hand became to trace each others bodies remembering how every nook and curve felt. The kiss intensified and we become lost in our own world . It seemed like forever but soon we had to breathe . The others had gathered close around us when we finally broke apart I was still holding James hand and was determined never to let go. I did want to know who this mysterious guy was but was distracted by my reunion with my friends. I felt a pair of arms envelop me in a bear hug and lift me off the ground when I turned it was Kevin holding me and smiling there was pure joy in his moist eyes and I noticed AJ next to him beaming.

"Caleb oh my god , I am so happy now , Oh thank god you are alive this is a miracle. But how"

"Well I will tell you boo but you need to put me down ok" Kevin blushed and the others just laughed. I sat down at the pew and searched out Lily who was standing in the back I motioned for here to come forward and sit next to me. When she did everyone was surprised

" You know each other" Nick and Mel asked in unison.

"Yes Lily replied this was the guy I was telling you about at lunch, the guy who did so much work on setting this wedding up" Nick and Mel looked at each and held each other.

I noticed everyone getting antsy so I began my story, " well guys after Sam had me and Sebastian he took off apparently he was only holding the baby hostage to get what he really wanted which was me. In the car I tried to get him to leave the baby somewhere and let him go but he wouldn't stop. He kept driving I had no idea where . The storm came and the roads were getting slick Sam was getting anxious and upset because I kept trying to convince him to let Bastion go. He started arguing with me and then hit me. He only took his eyes off the road for that one second but that as all it took the next thing that I knew we off the road and in the air. We crashed and the car slid into the water. The next thing I remember was I was on shore somewhere with Bastion . I was confused and my head hurt and Bastion was cold and wet . It was still raining hard . I stumbled down stream and luckily found the knapsack Sam had the money in. It was caught in some rocks. Then I just sort of went on autopilot. I couldn't remember anything , but something told me I needed to run and protect the baby so that what I did. I made my way with Bastion up to here in North Carolina where I managed to rent a small cabin from Lily here. In the time that I had gotten here my memory was not much better but I had managed to make up a plausible story so people wouldn't ask to many questions. I never really talked to anyone keeping to myself still believing I guess that Sam was after me." I paused for a moment and looked up at James he smiled and squeezed my hand reassuringly

"Don't worry Caleb he can't hurt you any more he died in the crash." I sighed at the knowledge of this .

" I didn't remember anything until earlier tonight when Lily came to get me she was so excited and told me who she was planning the wedding for . That as it when I heard Mel and Nick's name It was like a dam bursting all theses memories were flooding over me the pain was intense I passed out and when I woke I knew I had to get here and get back to the ones I loved. You now know the rest."

I just sat there smiling looking at my friends and family gathered around. Knowing that's tomorrow my family was going to be bigger. I turned to look at Lance and felt at home. I can't wait to hold him in my arms again

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