If Only I Could 6 Thanks to all you guys that are reading this I am glad That someone likes it. I appreciate the feedback Some other stories to read are . MSR, mad season, forever, and double take. I. Ok I don't know the BSB, NSync and Britney spears this story is complete FICTION.
Crisis averted well maybe not , breakfast had been interesting that day, Justin was not impressed. I guess I heard right with what he said to me. Justin has been avoiding me which is hard considering that we are on tour and he sees me everyday. Plus I have been outed as Britney's boyfriend and have been accompanying her everywhere. The stress has been building with work and with Sam. With Britney sucking up my spare time I never have time for James and me. My birthday is coming soon I have not mentioned anything I hope he remembers. Lately our sex life is non existent both of us are beat when we get to the hotel room at night it is so sad . Then there is Kevin he has been acting strange, I know what it is if he doesn't confront me I am going to have to do it, he has been keeping his distance and I really don't want that.
Well here I am working another concert yet again this is getting monotonous, coordinating medical staff , and making sure the entire crew is healthy to begin with. That's me one big glorified babysitter. Speaking of which better make my way to the dressing room make sure the babies are ok . They better have the staff where I want them I don't want a repeat of the last concert.
"Hey Lance give me that back"
"No Chris you can't have it, no more practical jokes" Lance was standing on the couch with his arms up high as Chris was jumping trying to reach what was I his hands,. The others were around the room in various states of dress trying to relax before they had to get ready for the concert. "I can honestly say that Chris is worse then Nick" Kevin added while sitting with AJ in one of the arm chairs " Well Nicky has been distracted lately don't give up on him yet" AJ responded
" Hey Nick when does Mel get here" Brian shouted "Well Brit went to pick her up they should be her soon."
"Cool I haven't seen Mel in a long time" Brain added
"Where Caleb Lance?" Joey shouted as he came in from the shower
"Don't know haven't seen him all day, you know what concert day is like. I never see him."
"Ah ha Got it Chris said as he grabbed the item out of Lance's hand. Just then the door to the dressing room burst open with Caleb talking into his headset "Hank what did I tell you... Hank ...Hank no that is not what was arranged upon... Hank.. HANK DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH!" Caleb had been moving around the room until he got to where Chris was "GIVE ME THAT CHRISTOPHER" ripping the prize Chris had just gotten.
"Hey" Chris pouted and crossed his arms. Caleb sat down on the floor and began to massage his temples Joey came over and sat to his left and Lance sat on is right. The three of them hunkered down on the floor. Lance leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. Caleb held his finger up signaling one minute. They didn't realize he was still talking to some one. "Hank for the last time I really don't care just do what I am saying., I do not want a repeat of last time... Good hank... Ok ... Bye" with that I ripped the headset off and threw it across the room and sighed.
"What's wrong sweetie"
"Nothing, the house staff is just giving me a hard time about where to set up my medical people, Hank is no help the man is deficient"
"Well, maybe your just tired, doing to many extracurricular activities" Justin added
I shot my head up and looked at him. The first time in over 4 weeks he has really said anything to me and then he pulls this shit. I could feel Joey put his arm over my shoulder and Lance was holding my hands. They could feel me tense up.
"I didn't realize that Britney was here" I replied
"What" Chris asked
"Well Justin only talks to me when Britney's here" Justin didn't say anything he just mumbled to himself. "What was that Justin? , Calling me Fucking Fag again, Thought I didn't here you the night at the club huh? Well I did, You know maybe if you grew some fucking balls and admitted your and Britney's relationship I wouldn't have to run around posing as you. You know I do have a boyfriend that possibly might love to spend some time with me. So fucking grow up!"
The room was in silence . Justin got up and went outside not saying anything to anyone. Joey was rubbing my back as I leaned into Lance and let him hold me. I was just so tired. "How long till the concert sweetie, I need to lie down for a bit" I sounded so small and tired "Ummm I think we have like 2 hours." Lance responds.
"I want to lie down."
" Ok C lie down on the couch here"
"Yeah C the concert should run itself for two hours everyone knows what there doing" Joey piped up I turned and gave him grateful smile. I got up and curled up o the couch with my head in Lance's lap he was playing with my hair. I could hear the rest of the guys move out of the room before I fell asleep. I woke up slightly at one point to realize that Lance had stepped out but merely curled up and fell back to sleep.
"Lance we have to go on stage know." JC hollered
"Ok , but I don't want to leave Caleb alone in the room . I have never seen him so tired."
"God Lance he's not a baby." it was Justin who said this as he came into the backstage area. Lance was tired of his shit and made a lunge for him only to be held back by Brian and Kevin. " This is all your fault , you and your childish behavior. Well I am doing something about it, and walked off and got on his cell phone
"I take it my boyfriend is being a butt head " came a response from the halls
"Brit" "What did you do this time."
"Being himself " Brian responds
"Melissa!" Nick ran towards the slight blonde girl in the corner. He had this huge grin on this place he picked her up and twirled her around. "Nicky put me down and where is Papa at"
"He resting in the dressing room He had kind of a long day" Nick was nervous he kind of looked away from her when he spoke. "You never could lie to me Nicky, it's ok she leaned up and kissed him on the lips, Britney filled me in on that which is not been in the tabloids. She said this as she made her way over to Justin"
"Hi Mel.." he never got to finish as she hauled of and back handed him across the face. Justin held his face in shock .
"I heard about your shit Justin and to say I am disappointed is an understatement, continue this shit and I will rip your nuts from your body do I make myself clear Justin , you won't screw around with Papa again!"
"Justin never responded just shook his head slowly up and down. She walked over to Kevin and AJ and gave them a peck on the check. She practically was hanging on AJ
"I missed you so much I was so happy that everything is out in the open."
"Hey Melissa" Brian greeted her with a great big hug
"Hey Brian what's up how's Leighanne"
"Great she is great"
"Smile any more Brian and your teeth are going to hurt" she reached over and peaked him on the cheek.
"Isn't she great" Nick beamed.
"He's hopeless I could do anything and he would be impressed " she teased Nick. "Where's Lance at honey"
"That's what I want to know " said JC "we need to go on in a few"
"I'm here Josh I'm ready I don't want to leave Caleb"
"Daddy!" Melissa ran over and gave him a huge hug and a kiss. Lance made Caleb so happy that she instantly fell in love with him she even consider him a surrogate parent she even called him daddy once teasing him, however the look on his face was priceless so she always did it when ever she wanted to cheer him up and embarrass him at the same time. Lance could hear the guys laughing . Probably because he hated when Melissa called him that he felt weird at the same time however he kind of enjoyed it. It showed how comfortable she was with him being with Caleb. "Melissa stop that you know I hate it beside what would people think" Lance reprimanded with a slight smile creeping through. Melissa grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the stage
" So Lance when are you planning on making and honest man out of papa" Kevin was drinking something and spit it out almost chocking , Lance shot him a look as he continued to sputter on the water. "Kevin , do I need to get you a baba and teach you how to drink again" AJ laughed. "No" he responded. Justin had walked over to where Lance was "Umm Lance could we talk" Lance turned and seen a fading hand print over Justin cheek and by the way Justin was shooting apprehensive looks at Melissa he had determined who had given him that mark.
"Justin I really don't think we have the time."
"I want to fix this with us and everything"
"Don't worry Justin I already fixed it we need to go guys Lance had turned into business mode and walked off leaving the others wondering what he meant .
"Kevin will you look in on C for me"
"Yeah ok"
N'Sync made their way to the stage. The boys had about 1 hour before they needed to be on so Kevin made his way back to the dressing room Aj wanted to come but Kevin persuaded him to let him do this and he and the other could get ready and spend some time with Melissa. Besides he told Kevin that he needed to talk to Caleb alone. AJ did not like this he was worried and Howie could tell this He decided that he would have to have a talk with AJ as well.
Kevin entered the dressing room. Quietly trying not to disturb Caleb if was still asleep. As Kevin looked toward the couch he noticed Caleb was in fact still asleep. Kevin pulled up the chair and sat down and watched Caleb sleep. He had a very peaceful expression Kevin thought. Caleb was lying on his stomach facing away from the couch. Kevin laughed to himself Caleb still tossed and turned. His mouth was slightly open and drool was rolling out. `How does Lance put up with that slobber.' Caleb's right arm hung down off the couch onto the floor, and his shirt had pulled up around his underarms exposing his back and right side. Kevin could clearly see the scar on his right side. He just of stared at it and lost himself in memories of the past.
"Kevin, are you coming down stairs."
"Yeah I guess in a minute Dad. Do I have to I am too tired I don't want to see anyone, it's only Nancy anyway she probably just wants to see Mom."
"Kevin she said she had some good news she is bringing over a friend with her, A guy friend!"
"Maybe she going to tell us she going to get married" Kevin chuckled at the idea as he saw his mom standing in the doorway by his father. He let out a sigh he really was tired but if his mom wanted it he would go down and visit . The dialysis was getting harder and he was getting more tired as the days went on. It had been a week since they had heard from the donor network I guess the donor didn't think he was worth it.
"Sweetie you look tired you can stay here we will make some excuse I`m sure Nancy wont mind."
"No mom I will stay a few moments and say Hello but then I think I need to come and sleep."
Kevin made his way down stairs, he was weaker the last little while and his dad helped him down stairs to the recliner where he usually sat. Kevin curled himself up and pulled his baseball cap down on his head further so it covered his eyes. He did that know a days when peope were around so they couldn't see his face . His mom was in the kitchen getting some refreshments and his dad was sitting in the other chair watching him.
"Dad I am not going to die right now so please stop staring!" he immediately regretted it his dad was always worried about him and he knew his dad didn't like it when the subject of his son dying came up.
"I'm sorry dad, I shoulder's have said that." he didn't get to finish cause the door bell rang and his father left went to answer it. He heard his dad welcoming Nancy and her guest and talking to them as they made their was into the living room.
"Kevin, So glad to see you up" Nancy came over and gave me a kiss and a hug . She seemed really happy. I looked up and saw her guest. Wow she lucked out he was gorgeous but he looked like he was my age. God she is robbing the cradle. I started to form a smile. He had a strange look on his face. His eyes were hiding something, he can't be with Nancy he is so setting off my gaydar. I am sure he is gay.
"Oh Kevin this is Caleb Sark, he works with me, he wanted to meet you, I talk about you so much."
"Thanks I replied" why was she doing this. God I can picture it yeah lets come and see the dying guy that would be cool. I was about to say something when my mom came in the room. "Nancy so good to see you how are things? Hmmm who is this handsome man" My mom was such a flirt, my dad was just shaking his head back and forth. Caleb was blushing and had turned his face toward the carpet. God I know that feeling , when mom wanted to she could embarrass anyone.
"Umm Hi Kevin"
I didn't realize he had came over to where I was and quickly came out of it. "Yeah hi." I looked down towards the floor. It was like he was staring at me god I was nervous. This is so messed up. I looked up and saw my dad he had this look on his face he knew I was nervous. He walked over and leaned into my ear as he made is way to sit down "you think he's cute too" and slapped me on the back I turned beat red. I looked up and saw Caleb talking to mom but he kept glancing over me. My dad was in his chair watching all this and smiling. My parents had been so great about it when I came out. I looked up again this time I made eye contact with Caleb he just stared at me and then smiled. I didn't realize Nancy was watching. Caleb turned away and nodded to Nancy. She suddenly got a huge grin on her face. She was definitely happy for some reason
"Kevin, am so happy for you I couldn't be happier if you were my own son" she stared to cry.
"My god Nancy what's wrong what are you talking about." mom asked
She means me Mr. and Mrs. Richardson I am not just Nancy's friend I am also the donor match for your son I am going to donate one of my kidneys to him."
I opened my eyes , not fully aware of where I was when it stared to slowly came back to me I was asleep on the couch in the dressing room . God what time is it I need to get out to work. I looked over and could see Kevin staring at me although he looked kind of distant . He hasn't said anything, looks kind of lost in thought. God he is so cute when he is like this he truly looks vulnerable. "Kevin what are you thinking about"
"Huh... Oh your awake, good I think we need to talk."
"Yeah we do I guess I was hoping we would have done it long ago."
"So Lance told you"
"No James didn't. I know you too well" "Really if that as the case you wouldn't have left and kicked me to the curb for two years"
"Check mate Kevin, don`t want you to hold anything back."
Two years ago
"What do you mean your leaving, you can't!"
"I can and I am Kevin, its better this way I really need to get away . You and AJ need some space to develop your relationship and I really can't deal with it now. Its still too soon"
Kevin had come to Caleb's room to talk only to find him packed with his bags on the bed. He knew something was up the guys were acting strange lately. He only assumed it had to do with he and AJ getting together. He never thought it was this.
"Why didn't you tell me. What were you going to do just leave and not say anything."
"No the other guys knew, well except AJ and they understand why"
"So you were just going to leave me and AJ out of the loop."
"No Kevin actually I was coming to see you to say goodbye"
"Well I wish I could believe you."
"Then we have truly lost whatever friendship we had Kevin, if you believe that I would lie to you."
"Ahhh Caleb you know that not true I am sorry but I don't understand why you left me out of it. AJ, I can understand you guys aren't exactly chummy right now and that is so sad you guys were so close."
"I didn't want you to stop me and if I had told you earlier you would have done everything possible to stop me. But Kevin you need to understand this is so hard I am still in love with him , I need my space and I need to recover and deal. I can't do that if I am here. I can't deal. Please Kevin if you ever cared about our friendship let me leave."
"That's not fair Caleb using our friendship against me like that." "I know but it's the only way to make you understand."
"Fine I don't like it but I will respect your decision."
"We haven't spent much time this week together and now I feel guilty and disappointed."
"You shouldn't feel disappointed my friend , beside I have been distracted. ... I met someone"
"What who tell me?" Kevin had a large smile on his face "God Caleb when? how?"
"Boo, lets see well last Thursday was our first date. I met him at a concert a week before that and we hit it off. I will be seeing him again when I move back to Orlando?
"I feel like I missed out on a lot in your life"
"Well I guess you did , but your life has been going through changes too I just wish you understand why I am doing what I am doing"
"Well I understand but as far as accepting it I don't know. Promise me you will keep in touch and that you will come back at some point promise me."
"I promise you Kevin"
Present
"You promised me Caleb and you broke that promise."
"I kept in touch Kevin"
"One letter , five emails and three phone calls over two years . God we were even in the same city for most of it. Caleb I don't want to be so angry with you. I am glad you are back but I am so mad that you threw me and the rest of us to the side."
"Kevin, I'm sorry I know that saying it won't change the last two years or take them back. Kevin that's all I can do . I can only say I am sorry and regret what I did. Looking back it was not the best choice I should never have cast you aside like that. I don't know where to begin to make amends Kevin and I am not sure now if you want me to. I would understand if you wanted to just end the friendship. After all I haven't been a very good friend to you lately. I hope that you can accept my apology and work from here. I will respect what ever decision you make if you decide it not worth it then I will walk away and give you your space I will hold no grudges."
"Caleb I am mad and upset, but I do accept your apology. I know you are sorry I can tell it in your look and in your voice. Your right when you say you can't change the past, I can tell that you would not let it happen again. I want my best friend in my life again." with that Kevin came over to where Caleb was standing at this point and embraced him in a hug. They held each other awhile. They didn't hear AJ come to the door. `I knew he was still in love with him I knew it Howie was so wrong. What am I going to do I have to stop this. I can't believe I even thought that I might be wrong about this.' AJ walked away from the door. He just missed Nick and Melissa who were coming to check on Caleb and get Kevin cause they were about to get on stage.
"Hey Kevin" Nick whispered unsure if Caleb was awake.
"We are in here Nick why are you whispering"
"Well I thought Caleb was asleep."
"I was but not anymore, tell my baby to get in here" with that said. Melissa came running into the room and sat in Caleb's lap giving him a huge hug and kiss on the cheek.
"Are you feeling ok papa they said you were tired."
"Just tired is all very stressful start to the tours."
"and Justin isn't helping"
"Well ya but things will get better"
"You wanna bet cause Mel just bitch slapped him in the hall" Nick added proudly
"Melissa you shouldn't have done that"
Melissa kissed him on the cheek again and spoke "Hush papa I did it for you and for Brit maybe I slapped some sense into him."
Caleb rolled his eyes " You know Nicky you are going to have to put up with her. Are you up for it she can be a handful?"
Nick smiled and blushed "Yeah I am up to it if you will let me."
"Nick did you just ask Caleb for his permission to marry Melissa." Kevin questioned
"Umm well I mean.."
"I think he did what about you Caleb"
"I agree Kevin I think so, Melissa'
"Stop it you two, leave him alone"
Nick was still blushing I walked over to him and slapped him in the back "Come on Nicky we need to get you and Kevin on stage"
I turned towards Kevin and spoke " Kev we still tight"
"Yeah Caleb were ok" My only response was huge smile across my face as I pulled Nicky out of the room I quickly whispered in his ear "You know I always wanted a son, I think you would make a great son you got my blessing whenever" I left Nicky standing speechless. I quickly ran toward the stage I heard Kevin ask Nicky why he was crying. I didn't realize it would mean that much to him. Melissa quickly caught up with me
"Are you anxious to see dad"
"Mel you know he hates when you call him that"
"Why do you think I do it"
"You are too much like me"
"Scary huh, what did you say to Nicky"
"Nothing bad I assure you but its something between me and him. He will tell you eventually don't worry."
I was preoccupied looking out on the stage we were on the opposite side as the boys so I couldn't see Kevin and Nick on the other side. But would get to see James as they came off. I was watching them perform the last song I was lost in watching him shake hi ass the music. When he turned he saw me and gave me a wink I know I was blushing cause my face felt warm and Mel was poking me. " You need to stop that drooling you know"
"Stop tormenting the old man."
"Your not old just older, beside Lance like old coots" with that she took off and I turned and started to chase her around the backstage. I had not heard the music change and the guys end their set until I heard some one clear their throat behind me.
"Excuse me Sir but do you have a pass, other wise I will have to call security"
"Listen buddy" I turned only to have Chris jump me an kiss my forehead. "Get off me you spaz"
"Ah you hurt me" Chris stood there with his hand over his heart the other were laughing I noticed Britney walking towards us she came over and started whispering and giggling with Melissa.
"Women" Justin exclaimed he walked towards me "Caleb I'm sorry I have been and ass to you and I had no right. I brought everything on myself and I plan on changing it. I told Britney I was taking her out publicly tonight so you have the night off. I'm going to come out about the relationship. I just hope you can forgive me. Lance I apologize too you as well , sorry man I was a dick but I am changing that now." Justin started to walk away.
"Justin wait I accept your apology , but that doesn't change that I still remember what you said and it really hurt that you said it. But I am willing to give you another chance but it will take time before are tight again ok"
"Yeah ok Caleb , I promise to try better and thanks for the second chance." Justin turned and gave me a hug patting me on the back and then walked over carefully to Brit and Melissa obviously he didn't want another slap. James had this weird look on his face . I knew something was up I wanted to hold his hand and let him know I was there for him. But like always I couldn't we were in a public part of the stage and there were a lot of crew people milling around. Then there was Sam to deal with, I wish he would get the point I don't like him never will. Speak of the devil there is coming towards us, Who?".
"Lance these people from MTV are looking for you said they have interview planned. Why do I not know about this I am Public relations rep for the group, this really should have been cleared through me." Sam stately smugly, I just rolled my eyes at his arrogance. He smirked lavish sly at me. I ignored it and turned to James wondering what was going on. The others were obviously wondering the same thing.
"Uh Lance why didn't you tell us we had an interview" Chris questioned.
"Because you don't, I do!" with that he turned to the cameraman "Follow me and I'll show you where to set up. When is Serena getting here?" "She should be hear shortly Mr. Bass" one of the cameramen stated
"Sam when Serena gets here show her to the dressing room."
Sam looked hatefully at James he hated being ordered around especially by James he held a grudge, considering that James had what he wanted namely `Me'. I on the other hand was totally confused and it didn't look like I was going to get the chance to talk to him with the cameramen there. I looked towards James to catch his attention, he mealy smiled and walked away. There was something about that look in his eyes. "Papa what's going on?"
"I have no idea Melissa, I am completely in the dark."
"Maybe its something to do with Freelance?" Joey added
"I don't think so he was being very closed mouthed and actually kind of edgy. I can't put my finger on it"
"I am sure its nothing " Joey responded putting his arm around me and giving it a squeeze. Sam was still there staring at me.
"Don't you have something to Do Sam, Something that involves you being away from me. Now run along and fetch the real reporter for us" I smirked and shot him a death stare Sam said nothing but the look he gave me could chill you to the bone once he left I spoke to the group " How the hell does he keep this job after all his shit"
"Easy C, Its better to have him around so we can keep an eye on him. You know what they say about keeping your friends close but your enemies even closer." Josh replied
"Alls fair but I am the one he stares at and he is always trying to get in my pants!"
"God everything is about your pants." Chris smiled messing my hair.
"Why you little.." I began to chase him around the backstage . He was climbing over equipment and props and dashing in and out of curtain trying to stay one step in front of me.
"Hey Guys" this time it was Britney, "Serena just went back stage with Sam and he came back being escorted by security. I think he was muttering under his breath"
"That's it I want to now what's going on" I added
"I am sure he is going to tell you, besides he would have told you if it was something important, Right" Mel added
"Well yeah I am sure he would have" I added , my voice sounded heavily doubtful. We could hear girls applause from on stage as the boys finished there first set they were doing solo's now so Nick and AJ made there way back to us. Brain was on stage and Kevin was playing the piano for him
"Hey guys what up you all look like someone is about to die?" AJ asked "No just lance called a press conference and no-one knows what's going on." Mel added as Nick wrapped his arms around here and gave her a kiss.
"Where is Howie," I absent mindedly asked
"Oh he went back to the dressing room to get something." Nick responded "Well he won't get in that's where the conference is being held." Josh added
I turned around and noticed Justin staring at the backstage entrance to the area that held the dressing rooms . What is going on something is up. He was muttering something and had this really intense look on his face. I couldn't tell what he was saying but I could make out that his lips were moving .
"Justin what's wrong?"
"Umm its nothing"
"Obviously it's something man what?"
"Lance said something earlier tonight before we went on while you were sleeping" " Well what did he say?"
"Well I tried to apologize for what I was putting you both through by not admitting mine and Britney's relationship and I told him I was going to fix it, but he told me not to worry he had already fixed it."
Then it hit me , you know that feeling you get when something suddenly comes upon you and you make this realization , like someone just punched a hole, in you head and know everything just makes perfect sense. that's what I felt I knew what James was doing. It was an epiphany. "Oh Hell No!" and I stated to run towards the dressing room." "Please no let me stop him don't let him do it" I was rambling to myself over and over again , I knew someone was running behind me just not sure who it was. I made it to the dressing room door and flung open the door praying I wasn't too late. Serena and James turned to me, as well as the cameraman focusing in on me. James had this peaceful serene look in his eyes. Oh god I was too late. He read me so well and got up and walked up to me taking my hand.
"Serena I would like you to meet Caleb Sark my boyfriend" and placed a kiss on my cheek.
"Dam" came the response from behind me. I just stood there eyes locked forward on Serena, I must have looked like a dear caught in the headlights. I turned to see that it was AJ that had followed me and was now standing in the room before the cameras . He looked as shocked as I did . I was still unable to say anything. James just gently pulled me toward the couch and cuddled next to me.
"Continue Serena please." Lance added. Serena was shocked but to her credit she just nodded and continued the interview
"So Lance how long have you and Caleb been together ?"
"For over two years"
"Wow, sorry not to sound surprised but that is quite the commitment to have, especially considering the fact that so much of the relationship had to be hid. I have to give you guys credit I don't know how many others would have been able to pull it off, congratulations!"
"Thanks Serena" Lance although appeared to be relaxed , he was extremely tense. I could feel his palms sweating and his body tense against mine. "actually most of the work probably should go to Caleb here"
I blushed and somehow found me voice I don't know where it came from. "Actually Serena I believe that we both put our fair share of love and commitment into this . A relationship really doesn't succeed if both parties are not willing for a little give and take. I am just glad that we have each other" "Lance how do you think your fans will react"
"Well I hope they understand I just didn't want to feel like I was lying to them they need to know the truth I think . We may loose a few fans, I wish I could say we won't lose any but that's not realistic but I really believe this is a small part of who I am as a person and doesn't affect the group as a whole. Just cause I'm off the market doesn't mean a thing, I think JC and Justin were more liked by the ladies anyway." he laughed.
"Are the guys ok with this?" Serena inquired
"Oh they are great they welcomed me right away and we are all good friends" I answered
Serena turned to AJ where he was and motioned him to come forward. He was resistant at first but then relented. As he sat she asked. "Speaking on behalf of your group how do you think the guys feel about Lance and Caleb."
"Well they don't care Lance is a great guy and we have known Caleb for years actually. Caleb and Kevin are best friends"
"Really Caleb, do a sense maybe some match making going on here?" Serena joked I almost choked, but managed to say "Actually Serena , no, everything was totally coincidental but I am pleased that it happened" I gave James's hand a squeeze and then said "I am sorry to leave but I really need to get back, and I believe that AJ will be going on soon."
" Ok" she responded "It was very nice to meet you and I wish you and Lance a long time of happiness" "thank you, I'll see you when your done Lance" and turned to walk a way I noticed the look AJ gave me for using his public name. We made our way out of the room and that is when I lost it, I began shaking fast he came up beside me but really didn't say anything.
"AJ you need to get on stage."
" OK" was all he responded and then left me there. I began to walk back but didn't get far before I ran into Chris. Joey and the rest of the guys. By this time Kevin and Brian were done and Howie was on stage with AJ next up.
"So man what's up AJ would not say anything he said to ask you" Joey replied
Kev I think was the first to see the tears in my eyes as I walked by.
"C what happened" I just kept walking Melissa had left Nick's side and was running to keep up with me she didn't say anything just listened to me mumble "What did dad do papa?"
"What did he do? WHAT DID HE DO?" this caught everyone's attention "I'll tell you.. he just outed himself to the world on MTV that what he did" I screamed "Oh My god" Justin replied "That's what he meant when he said he was going to fix it."
"C man wait up" it was Kevin talking to me.
"Not know Kevin tell him I am back at the hotel, I feel a nasty headache coming on" I made my way out of the arena and towards one of the limo's. I had it take me back to the hotel. I really didn't know what to think about what happened. The shock of it was actually starting to sink in.
Back at the Arena
"He outed himself just like that!" Chris was flabbergasted
"Its my fault" Justin said
"Justin don't say that " Nick added
"Well he is Right Nick it is his fault!" Joey scowled.
"Joey stop it" Josh added
"No he's right"
"I don't care who fault it is its down and Papa is upset"
"Mel is right guys we have to focus on Caleb we should not have let him go off." Nick added
"We couldn't stop him you know how he gets." Kevin added
"Know how who gets Howie asked."
" Nick , AJ is on stage you are up next then we need to get ready to finish up," Howie looked at everyone. "Ok what's up AJ was looking all weird now you guys are looking like the shit hit the fan"
"It did so to speak Howie" everyone turned to see Lance standing there.
"How long have you been there?"
"A few moments. And Joey stop blaming Justin he may have set the whole thing in motion but it was my idea and decision I wanted to do it for awhile" "Why didn't you tell us?" Chris asked
"I didn't want to be talked out of it, I did it for me I was tired and I know Caleb was tired of the secrets. Where is Caleb?"
"Uhh he left he said he was going back to the hotel Lance" Kevin added helpfully
"oh" Lance looked towards the floor for a moment he realized now that he should have told Caleb what he was doing after recent events and demanding Caleb be honest and no secrets he kept this once and didn't involve him. He knew he did something wrong when he saw the initial look on Caleb's face when he had burst into the dressing room. How was he going to fix this he didn't know but he had to try. Lance was brought out of his ministrations by Melissa and she spoke to him
"Dad I understand I think. why you wanted to do this and I believe that you had Papa's best interests at heart but, did you consider what this would do to him?"
"Yes of course I did! I never would hurt him he was the only person I was considering . I knew he wanted to be able to show affection in public and not have to hide the relationship. You understand Brit right?"
Yes I do Lance but just because he wanted it, the question is was he ready for it. That is what we are trying to point out. I am ready for what will happen when Justy and I come clean about our relationship?"
I really didn't think he wasn't ready , I believe he is , he has nothing really to lose but so much more to gain"
"You are a complete ass" Kevin replied shocking everyone
"What"
"How can you think he has nothing to lose you know how much of a private person he is, by throwing him in the spotlight the press is going to be scrambling for information on Caleb and they are going to dig up some very nasty crap that he is not ready to deal with"
"Kevin is right dad, you didn`t consider it, I really don't know much about it but I know it was really bad"
"I never thought about it that way, I was only looking at the positives, is that why he left only looking at the negatives."
"No Lance but I think they are the ones dominate in his head right now." Brian added
"What is this big secret and who knows about it, I have a right to know what's coming, otherwise I can't help him through it."
"You need to talk to him Lance I told you that and I already helped you , You just need to do it, but be prepared if he refuses to tell you. Something tells me he is going to try and hide his head in the sand." Kevin replied as he stroked his temples. After this was said they heard the music change and the crowd applaud.
"Kevin we better get out there for the finale come on, we will be able to leave soon." Brian added.
" Ok Brian. Howie lets go and get this over with" that being said the guys headed to the stage talking hushed among themselves Lance sat down on the floor upset with what had happened he really didn't think about what he was doing . He reacted on emotion and impulse and when the time came instead of backing down he let his stubbornness come out.
" What Am I going to do?" he asked to the room he didn't expect the response he got.
" I don't care what you do Lance why ask our opinions now after you so callously never considered us before hand. You know Lance I never had a problem with the whole gay thing or you and Caleb. But how you could just risk all our lives and careers for what you wanted. If you could have asked we would have stood beside you Lance but you didn't trust us so I really don't understand the need for you to get our input now. I don't hate you Lance but I am really not happy with you." Chris spoke quietly and evenly not raising his voice at all. Then walked away
"Chris wait, don't go like this" it was Josh not Lance that tried to stop him "Leave him Josh let him go, I am with Chris on this Lance you should have trusted us I'll be waiting in the limo with Chris" with that Joey left to follow his friend. Leaving Josh and Justin with Lance, Mel and Britney had left after Chris to try and get him to talk to Lance. They understood that this could only get worse if the guys just stopped talking and became more resentful of anyone.
"I can't believe those two" Josh replied
"Its ok" Lance replied
"I understand where they are coming from and will give them their space , beside you and Justin should be upset"
"Well we are but its kind of hard when we understand and know where you were coming from Lance" Justin added rubbing Lance's shoulder.
"Yeah Lance come on the guys will be finishing up soon so the quicker we get to the hotel the better." Josh added.
They made their way to the limo where Chris and the rest were waiting when they saw Lance coming Chris and Joey just turned around and got in the limo without saying a word. Lance looked down and sighed, then got in the limo sitting between Brit and Justin,. Josh sat on the other side. The silence was not golden . Mel had hung behind to wait for Nick, so she could ride with him. She waited in the second limo . The guys plan was to leave immediately back for the hotel with no stops they would change and shower when they got back. Mel was lost in her thoughts about what do concerning the whole situation , she was determined to be there for both of them if they would let her. Eventually the guys made there way in the limo all apparently anxious to get back to the Hotel and see how Caleb was doing. Apparently the guys filled in AJ as to what happened after he left. Nick immediately sat with Mel pulling her into his arms and talking amongst them selves. Kevin sat away from AJ lost in thought as he stared outside with Brian talking to him trying to bring him around. Kevin was totally lost her was worried about what was going to happen with Caleb if the past came out, he's not sure that his friend would be able to handle it. AJ sat on the other side string at Kevin wondering what was going through his mind. Howie watched this all with bated breath until he decided to say something to AJ. They began a hushed conversation in the corner of the limo trying to avoid prying eyes and ears. I don't think it would have been that difficult considering that all of them were pretty much lost in their own little worlds.
"Ok AJ what is going through that pea sized brain of yours."
"Nothing why ?" he hissed
"Cause I know you dude and something is up I can tell"
"Nothing is up Kevin is just being quite and that bothers me. He is upset and worried about Caleb. So am I but I don't like this quiet side of Kevin" "I wouldn't worry AJ, you need to stop this . I thought you understood nothing was going on with C and Kev"
"Ya but you didn't see them in he dressing room"
"AJ you really need to stop this or the only person you are going to have to blame for driving Kevin away is Yourself! Further more AJ you and Kevin are the only two of us that know about C's past and what exactly is out there waiting for him. You need to be there for him. I don't care how jealous you are. The AJ I know would not cast a friend to the wolves in their darkest moment. You loved him at one time that has to count for something. If you truly want Kev to love you show compassion towards Caleb." with that said Howie left AJ to his own thinking and began talking with Nick and Melissa keeping his eyes on AJ making sure he was in his line of sight without making it obvious he was watching. The conversations were quite and mumbled and this is how they continued until they reached the hotel. When the limo stopped everyone sighed not wanting to be a witness to what happened.
Lance stood outside his hotel room for several minutes gathering up the courage to go in not sure what he would see. He quickly gathered his resolve and placed his key card in the door and opened it. The room was dark and quiet he was beginning to wonder if Caleb was even here. That particular thought started to panic him as he wondered where Caleb would be if he wasn't here in the hotel room. He turned on the light and noticed the room was exactly as it was left earlier . His heart dropped at believing Caleb was not here. What did he do , he was so sure that he had thought through everything. He knew people would be upset he wasn't naive but he didn't believe that Caleb would be this upset. He was brought out of his mulling by the soft snores coming from the bedroom. Lance made his way to the bedroom and stood in the door way. His heart felt like it was in his throat. Caleb was asleep in the bed the covers were all balled up into a ball and he was spooning it leaving his body exposed to the cool air in the room. He didn't understand how Caleb could sleep like this. He loved the room cold at night and then would spoon all the blankets if he was alone. Lance long ago realized this was how Caleb slept when he wasn't there. Whenever Caleb went to bed before him, Lance found him in this position. Lance let a smile form upon his face when he realized what he was wearing. Caleb loved Pooh and had multiple pairs of Winnie the pooh boxers that he openly wore to bed . He hated boxers and could never wear them otherwise they were his sleep wear. Lance still thought it was adorable looking to see this grown man curled up and sleeping in pooh boxers. He wondered if Caleb ever knew how much he loved him and loved to watch him sleep he would spend hours awake watching him sleep trying to remember every detail.
Lance decided to let Caleb sleep they could talk in the morning he went out and turned the lounge area light off and then made his way the bedroom removing his clothes until he was also in boxers. He gently got into bed and moved behind Caleb. He had done this many times before and knew that if he wanted any blankets he would have to get them from Caleb. C would only let them go if he had something else to spoon. It only took a few moments of lying next to him that Caleb began to shift in the bed and turn around. It was almost instinct. Lance was amazed that he never woke up ever. He just automatically would turn over and cuddle into Lance releasing his hostage blankets.
Lance felt Caleb arms surround him and felt C face bury into his chest . `oh slobber Lance thought' small price to pay. He reached over and grabbed the blankets and covered himself and Caleb. Although Caleb would soon have the blankets kicked off himself. Why did he bother . Lance felt like he was finally home. He was experiencing that feeling of pure contentment this was why he did it, this was all it was about. He just hoped that Caleb would still want to be there in the morning. He didn't realize Caleb breathing had changed being so lost in his own thoughts
"James stop grinding your teeth and go to sleep" Caleb spoke will cuddling tighter to Lance's body. Lance was slightly startled and jumped a little at the voice.
"Caleb we nee.."
"Shush James I want to sleep I am tired , I just want to hold you and leave the world outside. We can talk in the morning. Just know hat I love you and I am going to stand by you through this . Now go to sleep" Lance didn't respond he just held Caleb tighter and sighed some tears rolled down his cheek. It was like he had been holding his breath waiting for Caleb to tell him he loved him still. Now that he did he felt a peacefulness fall over him as he settled in for some sleep.