If Only I Could

If I could only 9 Fist I want to apolagize for the last two chapetr they accidently got sent out in reverse OOPS, oh well hopefully it didn't confuse people to much. This is going to be a my last chapter for a while, taking a break from writing to do some other things. I hope you enjoy it and keep sending the feedback I am not stooping the story since I am several chapters ahead just a matter of posting them later. Ok I don't know the BSB, NSync and Britney spears this story is complete FICTION.

The next day

God jet lag sucks I have been on one form of transportation or another for the last twenty four hours plus I crossed that many time zones I am not sure what day it is exactly. Finally I am here and not too soon. I step of the plane and the hot humid air hits me , the smell brings back so many memories. I don't know if I can do that. I need to grab my bag and head to the hotel . I was able to hire a cab quite quickly and it took me to my hotel. I checked in. I immediately looked for any messages on my cell phone but I forgot that I left it with James in Las Vegas. I hope he really understands I will have to call him and let him know I am ok . I pick up the phone and began to dial when I stopped I just decided not to, I need to get this together before I let James in it will only be a week and he knows that so this will be ok. I will send a telegram instead. I hang up and call the front desk to wire a telegram to him telling him I am ok and will see him soon I shower and change and decide to set out on a walk on the beach it should be nice exploring the old haunts. It was a hot day and the sun was shining beautifully, the city was busy, the beach was packed . So I rented a moped and drove to one of the more secluded areas on the coast. I get off the moped and begin to walk along the shore minding my own business watching the surf come above my legs and recede back in to the ocean. The water is warm and cool at the same time it feels so good. I continue walking down the beach mindlessly, but I guess I subconsciously knew where I was going it was like I was being lead there .

I had walked quite a distance from where I had parked the moped but I knew where I was. I was on familiar ground I could here children near by and music sounded like someone was having a party I looked up and registered where I was. A smile came to my face this was what I need some comfort I headed toward the older looking home and found that the party seemed to be coming from the back I knocked and waited for a response a small black boy around 4 opened the door very carefully and looked shyly up from behind it.

Translated form Creole

" Does Mary Droga live here"

The little boy didn't respond just closed the door I could hear him yelling inside. I think I scared him, probably not use to strange white men knocking at his door. The door open next an older women answered me she looked at me with quizzical eyes peering out over her eyeglasses, she was dressed plainly holding a dish rag in her hand she appeared to have been cooking. I could see the little boy behind here skirt looking up at me

"May I help you sir, my grandson tells me you were looking for me"

"Mary its me Jacob" I smiled at her and removed my sunglasses. I watched as she looked at me looking me up and down before she looked deep into my eyes I felt like she was peering in my sole she always could do that , I felt like I was home, somewhere I haven't been in a long while.

"Little Jacob, my baby, my precious baby" she grabbed me and hugged me as a wave or recognition came over her face her grandson just watched then ran off into the house screaming for daddy.

"It been too long boy" she said as she remembered me

"I know Mary but I had my reasons"

She smiled lightly and saw a look of regret in here eyes. " I understand my precious baby, I am so glad you came to see old Mary"

"You are not old Mary , you are still as beautiful as you were when you took care of me"

"Mother, what is Jake yelling about," in walked this tall black man about my height caring the little boy from earlier, apparently his, son on his shoulders. I smiled , he looked different but I suppose I did to.

"Hello Thomas"

"Hello" he was unsure who I was.

" Thomas do you not recognize him It's Jacob"

"Jacob? Oh my god, thank god you are ok, it has been too long my old friend please come in"

"Are you sure it looks like a party"

"Its daddy and mommy's anniversary" the little boy said

"This is my son Jake"

I looked and then smiled "hello Jake"

"Jake this is your uncle Jacob"

He was still shy but he warmed up to me and gave me a beautiful smile. God he was a handsome kid.

"Yes come in and meet the family again Jacob. Where are you staying boy" it was Mary speaking to me

"I am staying at a hotel in town"

"Oh no you are not, non of my babies stay in hotel you will be staying here"

"Ok" was all I could say I knew not to say anything different.

In the middle of the USA somewhere

A bus is making its way down the lonesome highway. Inside the bus anything is as peaceful as the road before it is.

"How is he?"

"I don't know Kevin he's not in good shape he won't sleep and he won't eat anything he just doesn't know what to do"

"I wish I knew where he was AJ"

"I think this was my fault I should have not pushed Lance into proposing , I didn't think he would take off in the middle of the night and not leave any word to where he was going, not even to Melissa." just then Mel and Nick came out from the common room and sat at the little kitchen area. Melissa looked tired and worried she was biting her nails. Kevin reached out and held her to him when she sat down.

" It's ok I'm sure he's fine" Nick said to Mel. He then turned to AJ and whispered "Why would he leave like that " Nick asked.

"I guess he was upset with Lance , I want to know what he did to him to make him run like that and Lance won't tell me" AJ whispered back and then proceeded to the get up

"I'm going to lay down for a while Kev" and with that he was gone

" Melissa honey please calm down" she shucked off Nick's arm and stared at him. When she looked at the shock and hurt in Nick's eyes she began to feel bad for the way she was acting . Everyone's emotions have been on the rise when they found out.

Yesterday morning.

The door to the suite opened and in walked Lance carrying some of his bags with him

"Hey where's Caleb at guys tell him to get his ass over here and help me"

"He's not here." Justin replied

"Yeah we haven't seen him all day Lance" Nick threw in

"What do you mean he has to be around here somewhere"

"Sorry man I'm sure he is around here somewhere" Nick said

"I don't know this is too strange"

"So man how did it go last night" AJ said only to be smacked by Howie and Josh simultaneously in the back of the head, which brought everyone's attention on AJ and subsequently Lance. Lance just sighed and walked to the other end of the room and sank into the chair placing his head in his hands and cried. Joey went to his friends side and held him rocking the whole time.

" Its ok Lance its ok he is here he just went out for a bit," although he said it he really didn't believe it and he was worried.

At the other end of the room

"He said no" Kevin asked

"Well he didn't say yes he said he needed time" Josh replied

"He and Lance slept together last night" Howie added

"Well I am not surprised I didn't think he would" Kevin said

"I am" AJ said "he was supposed to say yes"

"Well he didn't did he and you shouldn't have gotten his hopes up" Kevin barked

"Guys you need to relax and we need to find Caleb." It was Nick speaking this time Mel was already on the phone to the front desk she gasped and they turned toward her she gently placed the phone on the receiver.

"The desk says he checked out last night and took a cab to the airport would he have gone home."

Present

"He left me, I pushed him a way I scared him I should never have pushed him away" Chris had taken Lance back to the common room to lay down and relax.

"Shush Lance its ok relax man you need to relax Caleb didn't say no did he, so there but the question I have is do you love him Lance"

"Of course Chris"

"Do you trust him"

"Absolutely"

"Then believe that he will be back at some point. I am sure there is a logical reason why he hasn't called."

"What if something happened to him, he would never run off ..." Lance began to cry again the hundredth time today Chris was surprised that Lance could cry any more. Beside the fact he was worried about Caleb he wouldn't just run off he was too concerned and considerate what if something was wrong. He held Lance it was his turn the others were trying their best. Joey had alerted management and they were trying to track Caleb as to what flight he took they knew he made it to Chicago but after that they lost the trail. He hoped they would turn up something although I guess he really hadn't been gone that long. Lance seemed to have tired himself out and was now asleep on Chris's shoulder he laid him down and then left the back lounge and made his way up to the front with the other's.

"How is he Chris" Mel asked

"He's asleep"

"Where's everyone else?"

"Everyone else is asleep. And AJ is writing in his journal, he feels a little guilty that he pushed Lance a little too fast" Kevin replied

"Oh well he shouldn't, Kevin you know Caleb pretty well , do you know where is or if he will come back"

"C is not gone far he is waiting, if he told Lance he would have his answer on x-mas eve then he will. He keeps his word. Yes I am worried about him just cause I know what is coming but, I trust him to keep his word we just need to be there for Lance"

"Are you sure Kevin are you going to keep his past a secret cause I know it means something here" Mel asked

"Yes Mel its all about his past and I won't say a thing"

"Mel you don't know anything "

"No Nick I know nothing, I was really young when my parents died and Caleb and took me in , My parents never said anything about Caleb and his past it was never brought up only that's his parents were both dead and that he was the only relative. When I was younger you really don't question just accept them and then when I got older I realized something was strange but that I shouldn't push it and I never did its something that I respected he has done so much for me I would not push him."

"So Lance needs to find him, are you sure you don't know where he is" Nick asked Kevin

"Nope, not a clue, thought he would go home." Kevin replied and then he got up and went into the back to where Lance was, he knelt down beside him and rubbed his shoulder `Oh Lance' , "listen to me he's gone home look there I know it" , he reached into his pocket and pulled out the old ratty picture and placed it in Lance's hand and then left to be with AJ, he pulled the curtain across and saw AJ quickly shut his journal and act a little nervous.

"Don't worry AJ I am not going to read it ok"

" It's not that"

"Its ok AJ I respect you privacy don't worry about it"

"I know Kevin sorry just a little jumpy, any word from Caleb"

"Nope no-one has called. Everyone is wondering what is up he is not normally like that I hope he is not having a breakdown over the past he has come so far along. I am worried but I have faith he is ok I know he is I feel it in my soul, its so hard to explain I know he's alright."

AJ was a little jealous at this in fact he was getting more and more upset at Caleb he even in his absence he still ruled Kevin's heart , why couldn't he just marry Lance and get over with it , he was sure that Caleb had no interest in marrying Lance and this was upsetting. He was waiting for the other shoe to drop he was mulling these possibilities in his minds as he watched Kevin get undressed for bed and then slide into the small bed with him the bus was small but cozy. He turned into the wall and allowed Kevin to spoon up against him he was so warm, AJ was at peace relaxed when he felt it, something cold and metallic on his back it took him a few minutes to place it then he knew , That dam medallion.

Haiti

It was an extremely warm day out, how unlike all the rest here in paradise. God I forgot what it was like to bee burnt. Its has been three days and I have spent most of it on the beach with my name sake. Jake and I have bonded so well over the last few days Thomas and his wife Adel have the most beautiful boy, here we are on the front porch sitting relaxing. His mom is putting corn rows in his hair, and he is squirming

because she is pulling tight to get them in. My hair had gotten so long I haven't cut it in months and never noticed until I got here with this heat. I never knew how I survived in the heat when I was younger. I was laughing at the faces Jake was making causing him to squirm more, god I was evil.

" OWWW" I reach up to rub my head when my hand was slapped

"No don't touch I'm not done you are worse then Jake and stop teasing him,. He needs to sit still"

"Yes Mame" I turned upward slightly to look at Mary and grinned

"You have not changed at all my brother" it was Thomas I just turned and smirked at him in the doorway.

" I don't remember this hurting"

"Well you wanted it you should have just cut your hair, that what I do I remember how tight momma pulls the braids."

"Well its too late know I am almost done" she said pulling a little tighter. I grimaced and this time it was Jake who was laughing at me, he stood up cause his mom had finished and he ran off to play. Thomas moved to his wife and sat down.

"So tell us about your man"

I blushed " Well he is great"

"Well if that the case where is at"

"He is on tour guys and well I needed to settle things here" I could feel Mary tense behind me

"It's ok Mary I need to finally confront it instead of hiding from it" she continued to braid my hair. but turned away From me.

"So Thomas tell me about your wedding when did it happen , I am sorry I wasn't around , its been too long since I have been here, I forgot how beautiful it is."

"Well we were married about 5 years ago and then Jake came a year later."

"Nothing like starting early I guess"

"Smooth" Adel said

"What?"

"You change the subject about your boy and didn't talk anymore"

"Oh I did, did I?"

"Yes you did Jacob!"

"Imagine that" I let a sly smile pass my lips.

"His name is James and he just asked me to marry him actually"

"And you said.. "Adel asked

"I told him I would tell him my answer before the holidays I needed to sort out my past and then leave it at that"

"This a new man?" Mary inquired

"Umm yeah it is." I replied a little confuse by Mary's question.

"So have you told any one else."

"Umm no I haven't told anyone although two people know, my ex and my best friend found out"

"How is Kevin and Alex?" Mary asked

"Huh" I turned around, and then the realization hit me. " You!" Mary just grinned

"How could you Mary they never told me how they found out."

"Now listen boy they only came to me and I confirmed and filled in the blanks. They figured it out on their own , Kevin is quite resourceful"

"Yeah he is very resourceful." I got kind of quite as I allowed Mary to continue braiding my hair. I thought it was time they were right I really wasn't facing up to the past and needed to get on with it. Just tell him. I need to call him. The thing that was bothering me the most was the fact that James had not called me. I left him details where I was going and over the last several days had sent numerous telegrams and left Mary's number with him. I expected him to call unless he was upset with me, I would not blame him maybe he doesn't want to be with me any longer and he is ignoring me. I hope that this is not the case today although it probably will be the case. No stop thinking this way he loves you there is probably a good reason why he is not calling. I need to be a man and call him and tell him everything and tell him that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. That's it I made my decision. By this time Mary had finished with my hair I got up and headed to the beach after Jake.

It was the last concert of the tour, well until after the holidays. It had taken its toll on everyone. Everybody was upset the whole Caleb issue had taken its toll. The tabloids had gotten hold of it constantly and they were reporting different rumors that both Lance and his boyfriend had broken up, quoting inside sources. The endless barrage by reporters was draining on Lance. He was sitting alone in the dressing room thinking things over. `Where was Caleb that he didn't see all this tabloid shit, did he really hate me that much that he didn't care what I was going through.

Lance was on autopilot for the concerts, merely going through the motions for the performances, then keeping to himself at the down times. He was just not interested in anything at all. Well that was it the last concert and the guys had finally gathered in the lounge noticing that Lance was sitting by himself in the corner holding the picture that Kevin had given him. He was just staring and stroking it. Kevin had hoped that Lance would have asked a question like where was it taken or something so Kevin could answer without really saying anything about Caleb's past. He was certain he was there but he was unable to track him down and he could not get a hold of Mary to find out if he was there. He long ago had misplaced that phone number. It had been too long he should act, yes he was going to act he would take Lance to Haiti in a chance that Caleb was there.

But the thoughts of that happening were none to slim, he just wished he knew what was going on in C's head. Kevin's ramblings within his head were brought to a close, by the interruption from the door. The door to the dressing room opened with Melissa, Britney and Sam entering.

"We got a situation guys!" Sam addressed

Mel made he way over to Nick and sat down

"What's wrong Mel" noticing the tabloid in her hand.

" I thought we agreed not to read those and get upset" Nick stated while holding her. Britney had taken up similar quarters next to Justin but she was actually showing the article to him. Sam had cautiously approached Lance he knew he had to do this , actually to be quite honest he was going to enjoy it really but he better not let that show through. Keep a somber face and all should be well.

"Sam I thought we discussed the whole tabloid thing. I didn't want to see any of those."

"I know Lance but..." Sam attempted to speak

"No buts Sam get out!" Lance yelled

"Lance wait listen to Sam," Mel pleaded Nick was shocked.

" He's right Lance." Justin added "listen to him." By this time Justin had passed on the tabloid to the guys around him. Lance was not going to take it seriously until he heard Kevin and AJ's response. " Fuck me" He took the tabloid from Sam and opened it up before him. was the very picture he was staring at in his hand only 10 times the size.

The headline read " Little boy lost or pop boyfriend do we really know Caleb Sark?"

"This, how did they" by this time Kevin had began reading the article, dam this was close whoever wrote this had a one on one with someone in the know. He quickly gave up his copy to AJ who seemed unimpressed at the moment although he couldn't figure out why, maybe he would find out later and grabbed the copy from Lance before he could read the article. Lance jumped up ready to strike Kevin fist raised, Kevin just stared him down.

"Give me that dam paper Kevin you have no right."

"I do"

"How so"

"As both yours and Caleb's friend"

"Give me that dam paper, I don't need friends like you"

" NO, what's in this paper you need to find the truth from Caleb not like this, you need to hear this from him, you owe this to him"

Lance paused for a moment "Its that close to the truth?" "As far as I know this is the truth and I for one want to know who leaked it"

"Oh shit!" Lance said sitting down.

"You don't think Caleb did this," Josh asked

"No way in hell!" Kevin shouted.

"Kev relax" AJ was by his side trying to calm him. "Sam"

"Uh yeah" Sam was lost in his own thoughts , how to play this how to work it to get all three of them out of Caleb's life, must remain calm stay focused I am so close. Then Caleb will be mine.

"SAM" Mel yelled

"Huh what?"

"Get on this find out everything you can, pull whatever strings you have too find out who spread this story" Kevin stated

"Ok Kevin I will get on it" he said as he left. He thought "hmm wouldn't they be surprised to know.."

"Ok best thing is we change and get out off here back to the hotel and." Brian said.

"I agree with Brian" Nick said " We need to be in private quarters to deal with this." The guys began quickly changing. Just then Lance realized his phone was vibrating. He checked it and realized he had a message, He was hoping it was Caleb he quickly picked up the phone to retrieve the message not caring to change.

At first there was a long pause before anyone spoke, then came the message, "Ummm sweetie its me, I was hoping to get you but I guess your phone is off , umm I hope that's all that's wrong. Well I wanted to talk . I want to tell you everything if you still want to hear it... I would not be upset if you didn't... well I would but not at you at my self cause I'm stupid. Well I better let you go I guess. Why haven't you called, why haven't you answered my telegrams. I'm scared I lost you. Call me. BEEP" the message ended . Lance stood dumbstruck on the phone what did he mean. I knew where he was what about the telegrams, what was he talking about.

"Hey Lance come on were heading out, you didn't change" it was Chris "Your scaring me man what wrong? who was it."

"It was Caleb" they all turned to him.

"He said I knew where he was , that he sent telegrams I didn't get any.." Chris comforted him as Lance broke down.

"You didn't tell me there was telegrams." Howie said "I thought you had not heard from him."

"No I had not, I never got any"

"Look we will have to figure this out , and its better if we go now." They left for the hotel to figure this all out.

Back at the hotel

The guys were going to gathering in Nick and Mel's room. Kevin was busy gathering some shit together he was trying to take a quick shower although AJ was not going to let him.

"Kevin come on relax please lets just stay here under the water , I'll wash you back some more."

" AJ we really need to get to.." he never finished that line AJ had shoved his tongue down his throat and began to kiss him with such passion Kevin had never known, he was breathless. He got back his breath when AJ released the kiss Kevin's head was spinning. AJ kneeled down, Kevin's back was turned into the spray. The hot water massaged his back while AJ began to massage his chest and abs trailing down until he reach his intended goal. On his knees he gently reached for Kevin's cock, he slowly took it in his mouth at first just the head and ran his tongue around the underside in slow motions he cast his gaze u. Kevin had his head thrown back breathing heavy, not really focusing on anything. AJ took this as invitation and took more of it in his mouth, soon he was taking long slow deep thrusts. he could hear Kevin's breathing become more rhythmic and faster . He felt Kevin's hands on his head, he knew Kevin would get into this. He was having a great time. He relaxed and allowed Kevin to control his thrusts , only Kevin had other ideas, he pulled AJ off him and pushed him back with a disgusted look on his face.

"God AJ is this all you care about , I told you we needed to go, but you don't listen"

"Me you don't listen to Me"

"What's that supposed to mean AJ"

"Everything these last few weeks has been about Caleb, Caleb, Caleb, god dam it your fucking dating me not Caleb"

"What"

"You heard me, I am sorry he even came back"

"Fuck you AJ he is my best friend , I thought you would be concerned about him"

" I am, but fuck he has Lance why does he need you"

"Cause he's my friend" Kevin was out of the shower walking toward the bedroom dressing as he went quickly getting ready "You know AJ he is my friend , he is more than a friend or brother, its hard to explain, my god AJ if it wasn't for him I would not be here!"

" I can't compete with that Kevin and its not far."

"Who said that you need to compete, that's the problem, you already won me AJ you got the prize no need to compete with a man that's not in the race any more"

"Yeah whatever" AJ said not really believing it.

" I am so not in the mood AJ we need to go"

AJ was pissed at being dismissed he knocked over his suitcase in a fit of rage Kevin turned and caught the mess. He was frustrated but he bent down to start picking up the mess trying to calm AJ who was already on the floor picking up stuff. AJ journal was all over the floor. Kevin started to pick it up, AJ got nervous and reached for it at the same time scattering the paper from inside it. "That's ok" AJ grabbed the journal leaving the papers. Kevin began to gather them and was shocked at what he read he began reading and flipping pages. He was going through them looking up at AJ occasionally. AJ had a blank look on his face wondering what exactly Kevin was reading the last piece of paper was the last straw. Kevin looked up with shock in his eyes almost pleading why before he turned to rage .

"You bastard it was you all along you hated him that much that you tried to get rid of him"

"What?"

"Don't play innocent, here are all his telegrams but that's not the best piece its this lovely letter."

"Kevin wait."

"No AJ fuck off don't show you face in Nick's room either cause I won't defend you."

" Kevin please you don't understand this is a mistake"

"Yeah I m beginning to think that this was a mistake." gesturing towards both himself and AJ . AJ had tears down his eyes he could understand Kevin's reaction

"Kevin was walking away AJ reached out to him and Kevin spun around AJ jumped back.

"No AJ" this time Kevin had tears in his eyes, "You know I never ever thought I would want to hit you but I was wrong ." With that he left

Nick and Mel's room

"Ok guys where are Kevin and AJ" Nick asked

"They better not be fucking this is too important" Howie added

"Hey know they wouldn't do that' please there is a lady present" Brian spoke

"Where?" Chris looked around shocked

Slap

"He was talking about me!" Mel stated

"We need to go, I need to find out where he is. I can't trace the dam call its out of the region. FUCK" Lance said while he threw his phone against the wall.

"Lance come on we are close you heard he's ok and he wants to be with you." Justin tried to comfort him

"Yeah but he thinks I don't want him you should of heard him. Where are those dam telegrams?"

"They are right here!" everyone turned to see Kevin walking in the room towards everyone. He passed the papers to Lance.

Lance grabbed them and furiously began reading them. He had tears running down his eyes as he read each one. He kept looking up and smiling these were definitely tears of joy.

"You found them Kevin , I know where he is , lets go I need to go to him" he hadn't finished reading all of the papers in his hands

"How? where did you find them?"

"You need to read the next one." Kevin stated solemnly. Lance read it and looked up shocked not understanding "But why?"

"Easy he was jealous"

"Who?" but Kevin didn't answer he took the letter from Lance's hands

Charles Mc Dervin Editor and Chief World Weekly 5653 Towers Boulevard Las Angles California 343536

Dear Mr. Mac Lean

I would like to thank you again for what you have done. We appreciate your side of the story. You have helped greatly in bringing the truth about Caleb Sark to light. We could not have done this without your assistance and determination of getting this information out to the public.

Sincerely

Charles Mc Dervin.. Editor and Chief

When Kevin finished reading the letter everyone was in shocked and stunned into silence. No one could speak. Lance flew into a rage it just overcame him.

"I will kill him" he made his way to the door he stopped in front of Kevin "Don't try and stop me either Kevin"

"Who said I would stop you"

"He is in the hotel room" Lance turned to face him "but is that important or is it more important that we get to Caleb." Lance paced and thought yes he was pissed and wanted to beat AJ to a pulp but at that moment all that mattered was being with Caleb and getting him back

"Your right Kevin"

"Then come on I have an overnight bag packed for the bus so come on let me grab it and We will go . I already booked us flights to get us where we are going we need to go" Lance nodded and left to grab his bags .

"So" it was Joey who broke the silence

" Yeah so what do you need" Kevin asked

"Are you going to be ok"

"Yeah I called ahead the bell boy is going to pick up my bag and bring it down to the lobby. Brian could you get my bags sent to your place. I will need a place to crash after we get back"

"Umm sure Kevin"

"Well guys I have got to go" with that he left and headed out.

"Oh shit I can't believe it, this is unreal what is going on?" Justin shouted

" That bastard I can't believe him"

"I am going to kill him" Mel screamed

"Calm down Mel shush"

"Don't patronize me Nicholas"

" I am not. I want you to calm yourself ok"

" I am really stunned I can't believe it" Josh interjected

" I never thought he would do something like this" Brian added

With everyone in disarray Howie left for the room. He was making his way down toward what was Kevin and AJ's room. He knew that after this stunt AJ would be in his room sulking. `I warned him about what he was doing that this would only lead to trouble. He has no one to blame but himself for what happened here. I can't believe it I really can't I knew he was upset and jealous but to go this far. It really makes no sense.' Howie made it to AJ's room and knocked he received no answer so he let himself in. I didn't expect and answer . Howie let himself in the room and made his way over to AJ who was just sitting on the bed. Holding his journal in his hands , you could see the tear stains down his face, he was obviously finished crying . He looked so pathetic as Howie watched , he wondered what the hell , did he think? Did he not know this would happen.

"AJ"

AJ looked at Howie he looked absolutely pathetic.

"Howie I didn't do anything Howie, I didn't"

"Then explain the telegrams, the letter."

"I can't I didn't do it I swear"

"AJ look me in the eyes and tell me , you have been so jealous the past month, plus you are the only one beside Kevin that would know about his past"

"I did not do it" he was looking Howie in the eyes " I know I was jealous and desperate but I didn't do it I wouldn't do it"

"Kevin hates me." he sat down and totally looked exhausted Howie didn't respond and AJ took that as a silent answer to his statement.

"Where is he?"

"He left with Lance there on their way to get Caleb. They left for Haiti"

"Haiti? of course that makes sense where he would go."

"I don't think you should push it you really need to focus on fixing this but its going to take time"

"You should know that Kevin asked Brian to pick up his things he is going to be staying with him when he gets back"

"Then its over its true I did it, you warned me , but Howie I didn't do this"

"I believe you AJ I do, I know you but the others don't you are now persona non grata."

"What? they think I would do this? I wouldn't" AJ explained

"Really well right know I am the only person that believes you, and I would advise you to stay here in your room AJ"

"I am not guilty Howie"

"It doesn't matter not a lot of people don't like you at this particular moment. So it would be best if you took a different flight. I am sorry AJ but its for your own safety I think people wanted to kill you."

" Hey Leigh"

"What's wrong Brian you sound strange"

"Have you read the tabloids"

"You know Brian I don't read them"

"Well this was bad apparently they got a hold of Caleb's past and printed it,"

"Oh shit does he know"

"We don't think so. He left Lance a voice mail"

"Really is he ok did he say where he was"

"Umm no he didn't , apparently he sent over a dozens telegrams telling him where he was and how to reach him"

"I thought you said he hadn't been in contact?

"He hadn't"

"Ok Brian I'm confused"

"Well apparently AJ intercepted them and kept them hidden and worse then that. He sold Caleb's story to the tabloids . Kevin found the letter in AJ's journal"

"OH my god why?"

"Jealousy over Caleb and Kevin"

"Wow what now. I thought Caleb was in love with Lance."

"He is but AJ fears Caleb will take Kevin"

"When will he figure out that Caleb still loves him."

" I'm not sure, but I don't think it will be an issue any more after he finds out what happened"

"How's Kevin taking it?"

"He's pissed so was Lance, but they left to get Caleb now that they know where he is."

"By the way Kevin asked to stay with me when he got back, you ok with that"

"Well yes he is family. I am ok with that no problem"

" I can't wait till, you get home. I have missed you"

"I know Leigh I missed you too, I can't wait to hold you again in my arms"

"This tour has been so messed up from the start. I am going to try and enjoy some sanity although with Kevin and AJ fighting I doubt that it will happen."

"Well we will make the most of it , I promise"

"Well Leigh I do believe you are trying to seduce me."

"Wait till you're here and I will do more then try"

Lances POV

It was so hot and humid I thought Orlando was bad. God this is so disgusting. We had been driving for the last forty five minutes. Trying to get to the location where we were going . We had just parked the car and was heading down one of the streets it was easier the roads were a little narrow and there were a lot of people milling around.

"How far Kevin?"

"God Lance relax we are here its not far now"

I have to admit Kevin was very good looking he was wearing a pair of surfer shorts and a black tank top with a pair of shades and clunky sandals . I on the other hand was terrified I was going to burn had a pair of longer shorts to my calves and a lose thin short sleeve shirt on no to mention a big floppy hat on my head. I was walking not paying attention and walked right into Kevin I heard an Ouf it was like walking into a brick wall'

"Sorry"

"It's ok Lance but we are here he pointed down to the beach. I saw as man and a little boy playing in the surf I didn't know what he meant by it. I started following him down over the embankment towards the beach. We stopped and Kevin sat down and pulled me down beside him. I was going to speak but he told me to be quite and watch. Soon and man and women joined them the little boy went running to them, most have been the parents. The other man looked familiar though we were still a distance away. Kevin had a smile on his face as he watched the four play in the surf. My attention was drawn to the other guy, he had a dark tan , almost burnt red. His hair was drawn back in serious of corn rows. He was wearing a pair of baggy loose shorts that hung low on his ass I could tell he was wearing a Speedo underneath, they sort of peeked out. And he had a rope like piece of jewelry around his ankle. Kevin hit me

"Huh"

"You are hopeless you know that"

I blushed because here I was checking out his guy when I was here trying to find my boyfriend.

"So Kevin I thought you said we were here, where is here , I really need to see Caleb."

" You are seeing Caleb"

"Huh" Kevin pointed toward the lone figure,

I looked again and then gasped the guy I had been ogling was my boyfriend I got up and walked going to run towards him when a heard a sly voice.

"So you are the new boyfriend, Kind of skinny and white" I turned around Kevin had a smile on his face and approached the lady giving her a hug " Hi Mary"

"I thought that you would get here. took you long enough"

"Well it's a long story , Mary Droga meet Lance Bass Caleb's boy toy" I reached out and smacked him and then turned around to watch Caleb. Mary noticed this "Go to him , but be careful with that boys heart he is still a little child in many ways , do not hurt my Jacob"

"Jacob"

"Um yeah first of many surprises Lance , his real name is Jacob Frost" I had this confused look on my face Kevin approached and held my head

"It matters not what his name is only that you love him. Be there and he will tell you everything allow him to do it and just listen and be there. Ask no questions and he will tell you all."

I nodded and turned around and headed towards Caleb. The others saw me coming and said nothing, by this point Caleb was watching the ocean staring out at the horizon

"Penny for your thought"

Caleb's POV

I felt warmth wash over me like it does when ever he is around. I just reached behind me and pulled him toward me.

"About time you got here I was scared that you wouldn't come." he had wrapped his hands around my wait and held me tight never would I leave you again

"Please stay with me"

"You think I would not?"

"I never doubted that You would James" I could feel him sigh and rest his head on my shoulder and we watched the horizon together. We had spent a long time staring at the horizon before I motioned him to sit down on the beach with me as the wave lapped against our feet. James broke the silence

"Like the hair as he stoked my scalp," I laughed

"Well I guess this is as good as it gets. Ok lets get this over with."

"You don't need to do this if your not ready I will wait."

"Yes I do, you don't deserve to wait any longer"

"Well here it goes"

Going back over the years it seems so strange. Well lets see I was born Jacob Frost. My parents met in high school both were meant for the political ring. Both earned degrees in Political Science and then Doctorates in International Studies. They were appointed ambassadors to this lovely little island. They were happy here they liked it soon I was born. Here actually I was born at the consulate so I was still a Canadian citizen. Well I spent the best parts of my life here. Mary whom I suppose you met , he just nodded not saying anything. She was my nanny she took care of me. My parents were away a lot so I spent many nights with Mary and her family. God her home was more of a home then the mansion. I grew up as one of her kids , surrounded by black people it took me till I was six and till someone said something that I realized I wasn't black. I knew I was different but I was isolated as a child and really didn't know those things. When my dad traveled my mom resented me she hated being tied down and having to show that she doted on me. I was not very close to them . When I was about the age of 7 there was a little coup here on the island and well lets just say the American government didn't like it so they were trying to stage one of there own. The times were turbulent it was a dangerous time. Civil unrest, Well either Canadian or American those people didn't care we were outsiders. One day on our way back to the consulate we were attacked and kidnapped. I remember lots of screaming guns and explosions I was scared and panicked crying. Next thing I knew I was being pulled from the car and stuffed in a sack I saw my parents being hauled off before everything went dark. I was crying, terrified in the bag I was screaming the next thing I knew someone kicked me or hit me I don't remember I just remember going back the next thing I remember I was locked in a small dark room. I was tied to a chair there were rats everywhere scurrying around. I could here screams around everywhere I thought I could here my parents . I don't know how long I was there, I just don't remember. I was tired and hungry and scared.

At some point the screaming had stopped and someone came to the cell and pulled me out and drug me through the building they brought me to my parents I saw them they had been beaten. They had bruises and my father was curled on the floor. They were screaming at my mom, I don't know what they wanted. Some type of information from her when she would not answer they told her to choose. I was scared and didn't understand why they had me in there. A guard had me and another one had gotten my father up they had guns to our heads. I could see the gun to my fathers head I could feel the one to my head I was sacred tears were streaming down my face crying for my mom to come and get me. The leader started screaming for here to choose, and then she did, with no effort no thought no regret or remorse she chose my father over me the next thing I knew the guys holding my father pulled the trigger and shot him. I saw it all .

I began to shutter and I had to stop. I had tears down my face and just began to rock and sob . James wrapped his arms around be and held me and rocked back and forth with me not saying anything just rocking with me and holding me. I felt so safe and protected. Never before had I felt that way especially when reliving this I always felt cold and alone. But somehow James made me feels safe. I new nothing could harm me. I slowly calmed down and began to breath again . I said nothing for a while trying to collect my self. I then started to say something to begin "You don't need to continue"

"No I do I need to. I am not scared anymore, just the trauma of living through it again, but for once I feel safe. I usually would be sent me into panic attacks and need to be sedated after talking about it. Or reliving it."

"Ok so your father is dead"

I had a lump in my throat "Yeah and then they seemed shocked at my mother's choice. Then they shot her and I was drug back to my cell and locked in there with the rats. I was there for days until I was finally rescued . Soldiers came and began attacking the building there was a lot of gun shots and yelling . When finally eerie silence, nothing was heard. I was scared and curled in the corner rocking back and forth . Then the door burst open in walked two soldiers guns raised . I was panicked and scared . I thought I was going to die. But they were the good guys , good guys with guns huh. When they saw me their faces changed they softened. One of the soldiers put his gun down and made is way to me , I was scared and tried to back up further in the wall. He had nice voice and was talking to me very calmly holding his arms out telling me it was ok telling me he was going to take me home to my mommy and daddy. That all it took I started screaming and tried to run away. He didn't understand why I was screaming, . Later on after everything was done, that soldier came and apologized for scaring me he didn't know my parents were dead. But at the time he just grabbed me and pulled me in his arms. I struggled and then just gave up I was tired. He held me tight and took me from the building. The next thing I knew I was being passed off to other people who started checking me over and wrapping me in blankets. The Doctors checking me over they were so nice they took good care of me. I think it was then that I realized that I was finally safe, but I had no mommy or daddy I was all alone. I guess it had made the news everything that happened while I was in the hospital, Mary found me I remember seeing her and running . She picked me up and just held me like there was no tomorrow she held me and cried with me.

I spent years in therapy for what happened , I spent a few months with Mary until they contacted my relatives and my aunt took me in, well not really she was young just starting university. Fortunately she was able to send me to boarding school. She was very good to me and later so was my uncle. I later learned about my trust fun when I grew older. Not only did I have a trust fund but I had received a substantial amount of money from the government. A lump sum from the Canadian government. So when I turned 21 I got all the money that was put into trust for me. I am a very rich man Mr. Bass"

"Really how rich?" James asked nudging me.

"Why Mr. Bass are you after my money?"

"Depends on how much, I do have money of my own" I smiled and then whispered in his ear . I had to laugh he was speechless and his mouth was open

" Honey careful you may catch flies"

"When did you change your name"

"Well right after it, my aunt thought it would be better if they changed it and kept my where abouts private in case the press should try and harass me."

"So what do you think? you are being really quiet'"

"Well it is a lot to take in , it does explain a lot though"

"Really what" I was curious as to what James would say

"Well how you hate being snuck up on and how you reacted." I laughed "Poor Justin"

"Jesus I thought he would be traumatized for life after that" Lance laughed

"Ok so what else?"

"Well the nightmares."

"Oh you know about those."

"Well yeah you aren't exactly quite."

"But you never said anything."

"Well I was hoping that you would tell me and you have" I blushed and then became worried at the extent I had kept Lance out of my life, but that's changed today .

"I am sorry about your Mother I can't believe she did that. I can't believe it"

"Its ok I survived and I'm here to day with the man I love. I love you more because you are sorry for what she did. This shows me how much you love me."

"Did you ever doubt it?" he said as he held me there and turned my face to the side to look at me

"No I never doubted it James , what it does is shows me how deep your love for me runs." I had tears in my eyes begging to fall, but I didn't want to let them.

"So" I said trying to clear the tears .

"You don't happen to have anything in those shorts for me do you"

"Why Caleb Sark you dirty little bugger"

"Umm that's not what I meant"

" I know" he laughed . " Umm yeah I think there may be something in my pocket , does this mean that you want it"

"I would if you were to give it to me"

"Oh I'm going to give it to ya but that will come later. Or should I say you will cum later". I groaned at his lame joke and sat up more and gave him my hand. He took my hand and stroke my fingers and with his other hand reached into his pocket. He was now kneeling on the sand in front of me, I hadn't noticed but the sun had set and it was twilight. The beach had gotten cool. I felt a chill down my spine, not sure if it was from the cold or from what was about to happen. He took the ring out and looked at me.

"Caleb will you marry me please" he was holding his breath. I smiled and nodded then softy spoke

"Yes James I will marry you."

He had this huge shit eaten grin on his face and his fingers were trembling as he tried to place the ring on my finger but eventually he got it on me I pulled him gently towards me and began kissing him, I took my time it felt like forever or even the first time. I explored his mouth and he explored mine. I guess it was like the first time all over again being each other's Fiancé. I stood up admiring my new ring, James caught me looking at me smiling.

"You sure that's ok , it may not be what your accustomed to" he grinned I smiled and told him to stop it I was very accustomed to him and what he gave me . And I made a crude gesture at his crotch.

"Why Sir what do you ever want with that" I just winked and walked back toward the house.

"Come precious" He ran up and held my hand as we made our way to the small house. We could see figures on the porch I could make most of them out. But there was someone strange , it took me a minute and I looked back at James he nodded yes and I let go of his hand and ran up to the porch and jumped the railing landing firmly in Kevin lap.

" UMpp"

"Miss me"

"Uh NO"

"Uh say yes and I will tell you a secret"

By this time James had joined us on the porch the others were staring strangely at what was going on, Kevin nodded to James and saw the permanent grin on his face.

"What is up with you?" He said to Lance but her caught on quickly so he turned to me and said " Umm so what is this secret of yours then." I was playing with his medallion with what I can suppose was a stupid shit faced grin.

"You know you are absolutely glowing." He responded

"What I am"

"You are" I heard James agree.

"Well I was wondering if you were going to be free for a party in the near future"

"Well it depends. What is this party for?"

"Me and James, actually I thought maybe you would like to be my best man when I tied the knot."

He just laughed. "Of course you dork and he got up with me still holding on then he flung me over his shoulder"

"So you finally asked huh Lance"

"Yeah I asked him to be my bitch and he said yes."

" Language." I heard Kevin say pointing to Jake.

I laughed "Kevin he only speaks Creole. He wouldn't understand." we had a little laugh while Jake watched us strangely.

"Jake this here big guy is my friend Kevin and that little fellow over there is my Fiancé, he asked me to marry him."

He looked at Lance and squirmed his face up. "Gross, he's pale , is he sick?" I immediately started laughing. Mary and Thomas chastised him for what he said. James looked at me and I told him I would tell him later .

"Hey Kevin man can I get down?"

"Oh sure he was blushing again"

"Hey man where's AJ?" I said smiling

Wow I was not expecting what I saw. The rage that passed both of Kevin's and James face was scary .

"Umm what happened? where is AJ? you guys are freaking me out." Mary apparently had heard the story cause she was shooing her family inside. I noticed this and I began to watch Kevin and James their faces were not softening .

"Ok guys you have officially freaked me out where is AJ? what happened you guys are scaring me?"

James came up behind me and held me and he pulled me backwards until he sat on the bench and I sat in his lap and Kevin paced elsewhere. I waited but if something was not said I was going to freak well James started

" Well sweetie you remember all those telegrams you sent."

"Yeah, I was beginning to think you changed your mind about us" I was holding James hand around my waist.

"Not likely , well I never got them. I only got your voice mail yesterday and I was panicked cause I couldn't find them."

"But I had them confirmed that they were delivered" I said shocked then the realization hit.

"Oh James I should have called my god I put you through hell how could you love me how could I be.." He placed his finger on my mouth, "Shush you did nothing wrong here Caleb , its all that prick AJ's fault"

"What the fuck James AJ is not a prick." I responded

"You won't defend him after we tell you what happened." James replied

"Why wouldn't I defend him. ok guys let me have it."

"Well" it was Kevin that started he was still pacing

"It appears that AJ intercepted the telegrams and that he wanted you to stay lost even as the rest of us were going crazy with worry. We found them yesterday , well I found them yesterday. They fell out of his journal when we were arguing."

"That's not the worst." James Supplied

"Umm I don't know how to tell you, I am so sorry Caleb."

"What what oh my god" I was expecting the worse but not what they were going to tell me.

"Apparently AJ sold your story to the tabloids. We even had a thank you letter to prove it and he is the only other one aside from us" gesturing between me and him , "That knew." I was dumbstruck at what they told me. I sat there in James lap just lost in my thought . They had to be wrong AJ would not do hat . He could not do that to me. It was not true. But James and Kevin would not lie about this and they are obviously upset about it. There has to be an other explanation I can't I won't believe it. They seem very

adamant and they are both very pissed at it as well . James turned my face towards him.

"Stop it Caleb I know you are trying to justify him and trying and prove us wrong. Kevin knows what we are saying is true why can't you believe." I turned to Kevin to see the tears in his eyes I just sighed and let it go, I still couldn't believe it .

I turned to James " I want to go home." and kissed him on the cheek and laid my head on his shoulder into his cheek. He jus squeezed me tight. "I need to get ready for x-mas." I whispered. He just smiled

"You are such a kid." I remained positioned into James neck but spoke to Kevin " You are coming home with me you are spending x-mas with us."

"That's alright I will stay with Brian and Leighanne."

" I won't take no for an answer and I hope your mom shows up too its been a while"

He laughed "Yeah well I guess I could drag her down to Florida"

I laughed and settled into James and began to feel truly at home with him, there were no more secrets. We were together. James just rubbed my back and hummed a song . I couldn't make out the song he was humming softly. I heard the screen door open and close I suspected Kevin went in side the house

"Did he leave?" I whispered

"Yeah why what are you after?" James raised his eyebrows

"Well not that right now"

"Ok"

"Is it ok that I asked him to stay with us, I realized I should have asked first and I am sorry, you probably wanted the holidays alone."

"Actually I am glad you asked cause I would have, I think Kevin is going to need us and he has helped me so much this past week"

"I love you James Bass you know that right"

"Of course you do?"

I laughed and stood up and quietly pulled him from the porch and down unto the beach. I drug him along the beach to no of the rock outcroppings where are we going Caleb

"Shush" and continued to pull him to the outcroppings and pulled him into one of the caves that's jotted the story line, the tide was out so it was easy to reach it , of course we would have to wade when the tide was high. I pulled him into the cave and collapsed on the sad pulling him down with me.

"What is this all about sexy"

"This is about me and you" and then I put my fingers to his lips, "Make love to me James please make love to me tonight."

He looked down at me and smiled before he pulled his shirt off and then lay down and began kissing me passionately. I closed my eyes and lost my self in the kiss James hands roamed over my torso gently stroking my moist body. I could feel the waves gently lap against my toes. I would open my eyes to see what looked like stars. The cave was glowing there was patches of iridescent algae in these caves that during the night gave a eerier glooming. I closed my eyes and allowed my mouth to slip form James and began to kiss his neck and shoulder I trailed my tongue across his jaw line toward his ear lobe I could feel him press himself against my body he began to grind slowly I could feel him pressing tighter against my crotch. I began to moan I was breathing heavy, James stopped and lifted up and rolled off of me he quickly released his shorts and then pulled both of mine down in one pull. He had this look in his eyes. One of love and lust mixed together. The color of his eye glowed in the eerie lights in the cave gave him a freakish look. He laid down next to me on his side and gently stroked my face. He reached behind my neck and began stroking my neck. `Bastard' I thought the chills down my spine began and I losing myself in his eyes. I moved closer and began to kiss him deeply, James definitely knew what he was doing . I began to trace my tongue down his chest and played with his nipple James allowed his hands to room to my chest and began to play with the rings, I knew he couldn't wait, I hadn't let him play with them since I had them done. I traveled down his abs until I was eye level with his crotch. I slowly began to lick around his cock and balls getting them all wet, slowly taking his balls in my mouth and gently rolling them around. I could feel him tense up as he reached for my head and stroked it.

I was having so much fun until he pulled me off, not to be undone however I suddenly engulfed his cock completely to the base, good thing I had done this before so I didn't gag. I began work wok my throat muscles and slowly withdrew and inhaled it one after another. I could hear James' breathing becoming more and more labored his hand had found my head and he was now guiding me down and up again. He began to move his hips with the movement. I could sense he was close and slide off him he looked up . He looked like a small kid who had his favorite toy taken awhile I straddled him and leaned in . "Don't worry lover boy I have better idea with that." I then slowly impaled my self upon him. We both drew in short intake of breath one I began adjusted I slowly began rocking back and forth faster and faster . James moved his hands to my chest and began massaging my nipples pulling on them I hade him in a perfect position he continues to rub along my prostate I was getting close I wasn't going to last much long I threw my head back and came Very shortly James followed I then laid on his chest as he cock slipped out of me I lay completely content on the and we both fell into a deep sleep.

I was awakened by the feeling of someone brushing something off my face . I slowly opened my eyes. The cave was lighter so I knew it was daytime but not sure what time it was.

"Morning lover" that deep sexy voice said I smiled and breathed slowly taking in his scent. I moved my had and brushed his cheek as he sat above me staring down. My eyes became transfixed on the diamond band on my finger . Lance noticed my lack of attention and followed my gaze.

"Having second thought"

I was startled for a moment after all I didn't realize what I was doing. " Second thought of course not , just thanking God for how lucky I am to have you." He turned away slightly I turned his face back and noticed his eyes were moist I sat up and kissed his cheek. "I think we should get back home there is a lot of thing to do."

"I guess your right"

"Look Lance I know there is a lot of shit waiting for us , but I don't care. Only you and I matter and no matter where we are we will be together."

He smiled at me and pulled me up from the ground I began to search for some clothes, not knowing what time it was I didn't want to meet a lot of tourists buck naked this morning. "Come on Sexy, lets get Kev's ass up and go home"

"Sound like a plan"

We made our way back to Mary's it must have still been early because the beach was basically deserted as we approached the house I could smell fresh baking , " Mmm Mary's up at least. I can smell her baking biscuits"

"We arrived at the house and went to the kitchen. There stood Mary in the kitchen in here house dress. Cooking breakfast she heard us come in but never turned around. "You know Jacob you should not sleep outside even if you had the man to keep you warm. It not safe on the beach at night." I looked at James and rolled my eyes "And don't roll your eyes at me boy." James started to laugh and I slapped him

"Be quite" I said

He just started giggling more "Have you seen my phone Mary?" James asked

"Yes that infernal thing is up on the fridge I can't imagine being tied down to something like that."

"Its not that bad." I said picking it up and started to turn it on James looked at me with eyes asking you it who I was calling I mouthed Mel he nodded.

"I am going to wake Kevin we need to leave."

" Your leaving today"

"Yeah Mary I need to get back now. I have my man and I want to be with some of my other family for the holidays. I wish I could stay longer but I should get back to Mel."

" I understand" Mary looked down but kissed my cheek and sent me on my way she kept James in the kitchen. I laughed "Look who gets to be the Kitchen bitch now" I ran out of the room to avoid being hit. I made my way to one of the spare rooms to find if Kevin was awake. I decided to call Mel later . I listened at the door possibily he wasn't awake but chances were against it so I slowly opened the door and tried to sneak in.

"What are you up to you Freak" Huh my heart was in my chest dam he was awake and staring at me from the bed he was dressed looking over at me from the book he was reading.

"Dam your awake"

"Yes I am" he smirked as he put the book on the beside table. "Well look at you sex on the beach huh"

"How do you know we had sex , for your information we stayed up all night and talked." I stuck my tongue out

"Really well then how did the seaweed get in your shorts, did it crawl up there on its own." I looked down busted , there was some kelp sticking up from the waistband of my shorts

Kevin just started laughing at me . I wasn't going to take that , so I pounced on the bed and pinned him down . "Ok Mr. I know everything how are you doing this morning."

"Fine C Fine `

"I looked into his eyes and saw that it wasn't true I saw the hurt and pain there"

"Liar you know better then to lie to me Kevin I can read you like a book. You didn't sleep much did you?"

"No I didn't'

"Oh Kevin"

"Stop right there Caleb ,don't say it, I will get over this in time, just be my friend a like you always are and don't push."

I thought for a moment and then took a deep breath "Ok Kevin I agree but I will kick you in the ass if you need it after all you would do it for me if I needed it. He just smiled

"Ok my turn how are you.? Mixed emotions"

"Why"

"Well I love James and I am so happy that we are moving to that next level, happy is not the word almost in bliss"

"God your hopeless, what's mixed about that."

"Well I am and worried about going home at the same time and I am upset and confused by what happened"

"I am too Caleb I am too"

"Its going to be ok Caleb he won't hurt you again." I just sighed that's not what I was thinking I know AJ didn't do this I know it but telling this to either Kevin or James was not the right I idea they would lose it oh well I guess I will have to figure this out on my own. Kevin began poking in the head.

"What are you thinking up there"

"Nothing just things'

"Yeah right, you still think he innocent, you are so trusting"

"I am sorry maybe I don't want to believe about someone that I cared very deeply about past tense"

"Yeah past tense"

"I am glad to hear that ", I was startled by the voice I turned around to see James in the doorway,

"Mary sent me up breakfast is done and I booked our flights back."

"Wow your quick"

"You said you wanted to get home"

"Well then lets get moving OK come-on Kev lets get this show on the road"

"Ok ok stop pulling me" James continued to stand in the doorway and watch us I turned to watch him as us his eyes took on this knowing glance. "You two slept together"

"We did not" I shouted I was a little pissed at the accusation. God I am fast but fuck I wasn't up here that long I thought to myself Kevin had me by the shoulders I turned at him

"Can you believe that"

"Its not what he meant"

"Kevin's right I didn't mean now I know you wouldn't cheat on me but you slept with him didn't you, please don't lie"

I didn't know what to say , "umm yes "

Kevin just replied "But that was once years ago and it never happened or will happen again."

"That's the reason you did not marry AJ right" he directed the question at me

God this was spooky I looked at Kevin to see if he had told him he just held his hands up and said "It wasn't me"

"I just put the pieces together after what AJ told me about your reasons and from watching the way you guys interact, your friendship is very deep and close. There had to have been intimacy and I took a chance and asked"

"Well nobody knows James , it was a one night drunken event that should never have happened. Although I don't regret it happening, it was very special . Its something of a bond that I wouldn't give up. We both agreed it should not have happened, but it did change our relationship"

"Yeah Lance it did , I was scared I would lose my best friend after it was all said and done. While it was great" I stated to blush and James looked a little uncomfortable.

"We both realized while we loved each other but were not in love with each other . I was upset that it distanced he and AJ."

"It all worked out in the end Kevin"

"Yeah" he responded softly I gave him a kiss on the cheek and rubbed his back. I looked at James.

" I understand I should have told you this but I was unsure of how to tell you something that was a secret from everyone . Really it uncomfortable telling you fiancé about the guys you slept with before him.

He nodded his head

"Look James I will understand if this changes anything and you want to rethink it , I made you wait till I sorted stuff out. I can offer the same to you." Gesturing to my ring .

"NO" came a quick response

"I mean no Caleb I love you even more that you were honest and told me when I asked you I understand cause I don't think I could tell you about who I was with before you. I know you didn't cheat on me and I wouldn't be very much of a man if I took back my proposal over an affair that happened long before we even met"

I walked towards him and gave him the most passionate kiss I could think about. We were lip locked for ever it felt that way actually only until we had to breath.

"I love you James Bass"

"I love you too"

"Please let me out of here before I gag"

"Hey uncle Jake come-on grandma says you need to eat breakfast now before she whoops yaw if it gets cold"

"Ok guys we better get. I ran out after Jake and picked him up throwing him over my shoulder. And going into the kitchen I could here Kevin and James close behind me. I placed Jake at the table and took my seat.

"Wow Mary the food its amazing you feeding army or what"

"No Boy just feeding you" James snickered as he sat next to me . I noticed Jake giving him the eye every so often and then looking down when he felt he was caught. Kevin too saw this cause he started to snicker..

"I think someone has a fan" he said pointing to James. " I don't think so" I said

"Hey" came James indignant response.

"What is he doing now, Jake eat your breakfast where are your manners" Mary spoke

"Mary no harm I am sure he is curious about him, it is ok he not being rude" I looked at Jake who now had his eyes firmly glued to the table .

"Jake buddy" he didn't look up

"Jake look at your uncle when he talk to you boy" I just smiled and waited he slowly looked up.

"What's wrong"

"You are leaving ?"

"Yeah I need to get back to my home and my other family"

"Ok" he looked a little sad "Nanny explained that you like him" he said pointing to James "like mommy and daddy like each other ."

"Yeah I do, is that's what wrong"

"Um no, so does that me he is my uncle too"

I started to smile and Mary started to laugh a little , James and Kevin were watching us not understanding a world since we were both speaking in Creole.

"Yes it does," He still had this concerned look on his face "What's wrong do you not want him to be your uncle."

"No" but he leaned closer to me to whisper , he didn't realize Kevin or James could not understand what he was saying. " I think he need to see a doctor, I don't want my new uncle to die, he look really sick,"

I was touched but before I could answer him this look came over his face like he knew what was wrong

"Maybe he is having a baby. Mommy looked sick too once and daddy said she may have another baby" that did it both Mary and I began laughing hysterically. Jake was confused but he started laughing to because we were. The other too looked annoyed.

"What are you saying about me" Lance said

"I caught my self its ok James he likes you he wanted to know if you were going to be his uncle" He looked at Jake and smiled, "Ok there has to be more then that"

" Umm there is" I said "He is worried you sick cause your so pale he doesn't want you to die"

"Ah that sweet" Kevin answered

"You told him I am ok right."

" Umm no didn't have a chance"

"Caleb you tell him I'm ok . scarring him and you think that is funny."

" No the funny part is Lance, that my grandson thought that maybe your were sick like his mommy" Mary Supplied

" I don't understand"

"He though your might be having a baby"

Kevin spit out all his food and begin laughing and coughing, I was worried he would choke , but he managed to catch his breath. James just looked dazed and shocked while we all laughed he eventually sat back with his arms folded

" yeah yeah yuk it up"

I calmed down and saw Jake he looked a little scared I slapped James , "Hey" he said

"You apologize and give him a hug he thinks your mad it him." Lance looked sorry and got up and gave Jake a hug and with Mary's help told him Lance was ok and not pregnant. The rest of the meal was uneventful afterwards we gathered our belonging and made our way back to the airport in preparation for our flight back to the real world with the real problems I took my cell phone out and called Mel.

"Hello"

"Hey Nick , didn't know you were staying there"

"Umm well yeah in the guest room" I was smiling and Kevin slapped me

" Stop teasing him my God he is going to have a heart attack before he's twenty five." this was James telling me this in my ear

"All right all right" I give up. I really only liked giving him a hard time.

"Ok Nick I am on my way back with James and Kevin. Kevin is going to be staying with us so you will have to move in with Mel." I noticed a small pause on the phone but continued none the less "I need to do me some favors Nicky."

"Yeah sure C whatever you want."

"Well I am planning a big x-mas dinner and party you are more then welcome to stay for it after all you are basically family." I think he was blushing

" Anyway you need to rent some beds for me and place them down in the back rec room in the basement take the furniture there and move it into the storage room next to it. Then have Mel pull all the x-mas decorations out ok"

"Yeah Caleb got it"

"Ok is Mel near you"

"Yeah she is actually trying to pull the phone away "

"I thought so , well put here on for me ok I have orders for her too."

"Yes sir"

I think he saluted the phone, next I heard Melissa's voice

"Papa are you ok is Lance with you."

"Yes Mel I am fine sorry you guys were worried I wasn't aware of all that as going on. I should have called."

"Yes you should of but its not your fault its that other ."

" Ok Mel calm do not and don't say anymore . This is a happy time ok"

"Yes papa."

"By the way did Nick salute the phone."

She laughed "Busted" obviously she was talking to Nick. " He knew you did that Nicky."

"What did you say to him he almost went pale a couple time."

"Oh nothing just told him if he was staying he had to move in with you I need the spare bedroom. I hope you don't mind."

"Mind of course not its about time to came into the nineties" that's my girl never could catch her. "Anyway favorite girl of mine you need to do some shopping for me we are on our way home shortly so I need this done." I proceeded to give here a very detailed list of what I wanted in the house before I got home. She complained about writers cramp several times.

" Ok sweetie put Nick on again"

"Ok"

"Hey man what's up I started moving stuff into the storage room pretty much done actually you were talking for a while." I didn't realize it but I was talking for about 45 minutes.

"Really Nick your done"

"Yeah there wasn't much just the couches to move into the room I will get Mel to help me"

"Take pictures cause that I have to see" he laughed " I will"

"Oh one more thing Nicholas, use protection think of this as my x-mas gift and I will only say this once. Ok you can share Mel's room and whatever happened is ok just don't need any details and don't let me hear please."

"Umm yeah Caleb" there was an awkward silence

" Ok then take care and be safe I am going I think there calling our plane."

"Yeah ok looks like Mel is leaving to do some shopping I guess I'll be moving by my self , just be careful Nick ok if it too heavy leave or call one of the guys"

"Yeah I might do that thanks"

I hung up and gathered my bag and headed with the other guys they were getting off there phones too.

"Hey Lance how it go" Kevin asked.

"Good, I let the guys know they were in invited they will get back to us oh I guess Mel called Brit while I was talking to the guys they were all at Justin's."

"So Kevin is your mom coming ?" I interrupted the exchange

"Yeah she is I booked her a flight it didn't take much convincing although she wants to see you more then me " I looked surprised

" I didn't tell here that over the phone."

"Oh ok" and I let the conversation drop . "Oh well lets get the fork out of here"

"You and your corny jokes" Kevin replied as he pushed passed me.

Justin's house Orlando

" So what are the plans there Curly , not sure will have to discuss it with mom when she gets home. Will definitely stop by for sure I think C need us"

"Did Lance say anything else"

"Just that they had something to tell us and that he filled me in a bit. Caleb told him everything it sounded like those tabloids were right on the money."

"I can't believe AJ did that" Josh answered

"I can't believe that Caleb went through all that " Joey said

The room became silent for a moment as they remembered the story they had read. Each of the guys giving a small shudder. Until Chris spoke

"Hey Justin where`s Britney"

"I'm not sure. She's on her cell phone with Mel, she called while I was talking with Lance. Hey Britney" Justin yelled. The other guys cringed and rolled there eyes.

"You know J you don't need to yell for her, you could just go look for her" Josh exasperated It was Justin's turn to roll his eyes.

" Yeah thank you dad." and was getting up to leave when Britney came in the room scurrying round grabbing things as she went.

"You know Justin you don't need to yell" Justin blushed and the rest of the guys just started to laugh.

"Sorry" he noticed her getting ready to go out .

"Mel is on her way over we are going shopping she has to get stuff for Caleb"

"Did Lance tell you about the plans for x-mas."

"Yeah he did, I have to see what the plans are here but we can stop buy at the very least."

Just then the door bell rang and Britney went to answer it. Mel was at the door and Britney pulled her in and gave her a big hug and whispered to Britney she just shrugged and spoke "Ask him."

"JUSTIN" Mel spoke her voice dripping with sweetness the other guys new something was up

"Yes Melissa."

"Um well Britney and I are going shopping .."

"No Don't want to go."

"That's not what I was going to ask you."

"Oh" Justin felt a little stupid

"Papa wants the rec-room cleared for some furniture to be delivered for the holidays he's turning it a guest room. Well see Nick has everything moved but the couches he needs help. will you?"

"Yeah I will let me call him and tell him I'm coming"

"No need I already told him you would come." Justin just shook his head and smiled and grabbed his keys saying goodbye to the guys before he left he did get a kiss from Britney.

"Don't go crazy there girl ok" Justin spoke

"Nope don't worry, we are taking Mel's car so I will get dropped off at her place and you can drive me home"

"Anything else your majesty" Justin bowed Britney hit him on the back of the head " Be gone" she said and Justin left

Melissa and Britney left immediately after him leaving Joey with Chris and Josh . They were deciding what to do, after all the touring they were enjoying getting a day off and relaxing Josh and Chris looked at each other as Joey channel surfed . They had been dying to get Joey alone to talk about Caleb they wanted to know when exactly he had fallen for him. It was like they were having a silent argument over who was going to speak and it look like Chris lost. He steeled his nerves and spoke

"Joe"

"Yeah he turned towards Chris away from the T.V"

"Well um, we want to ask you something" Joey could tell it was something about he and Caleb, he wasn't stupid

"Ok guys out with it "

"Ok" Chris said , "When was it you knew you loved Caleb"

"Why do you want to know what does it matter"

"Well it matters because we want to be there for you" Josh said

"Yeah Joey , we want to help and this is important to you. We would like to share it with you, but if you don't want to. Just tell us to mind our own business and we will leave it at that"

"Mind your own business" both Josh and Chris looked a little shocked and hurt at the same time but they didn't say anything they just turned to watch whatever channel was on the T.V. Joey immediately felt bad his friends were only trying to help and be friends and he knew they were hurt. He took a deep breath and then spoke while he watched the television. Not really directing it towards Chris or Josh . To him it was not like telling them it was like talking to himself and if they heard they heard .

"Remember the night I went to work with Caleb."

2 years ago

" Come on Joey were going to be late , don't make me late for work."

"Coming." Joey called from the upstairs

Joey came down over the stairs dressed in some hospital scrubs " How do I look"

"Fine you moron its not a fashion show." Caleb said

"Yeah but you never know might meet some Nymphomaniac nurse."

"Hey"

"Sorry" Joey laughed

"Don't apologize Joey he is a nympho , you should see him in bed" lance cried. Joey stuck his fingers in his ears

" lalalalalalalala" Caleb just laughed and punched Lance in the shoulder,

"God don't scare him he barely knows me ."

" We have been dating for six months Caleb he is just teasing"

"Yeah C just teasing " Joey had taken his fingers out of his ears and was smiling "I appreciate this really , we can get to know each other better and get to see all this cool ER stuff."

"You sure you don't want to come James."

"Um no that ok I really don't want to see at that gross stuff, I don't know how you do it"

Caleb just shrugged his shoulder and smiled, "Hey its what I do"

I was standing there thinking about how lucky Lance was. Caleb is good for him and he seems like a great guy. We all had our doubts when they started dating protecting Lance and all after all he like our brother I do think we may have alienated him. He is just so secretive about his past that worried us but our Lance loves him I can tell it was almost immediate . I also think Caleb loves him I can see the way he talks to him. The others are still a little skeptical hopefully they will take the chance to get to know him. I think this is so cool. I love all this ER stuff.

"JOEY, wake up will you"

"Huh, sorry."

"Its ok don't let James fill your head with all those gory stories. It's not that bad" he laughed

"Its worse " I just started laughing more at this as he pulled me out to his jeep. He gave Lance a quick kiss. it's a little weird watching this but not gross sickening just not use to it . I should try and get a little more comfortable don't want Lance to feel uncomfortable around me . We took off to the hospital. God he drives like a nut my hands are braced upon the dash saying silent prayers.

"Gods not going to help you here"

"What?"

"Don't worry I won't kill Yeah" he grinned. We made our way off the freeway down the exit to the hospital .

"Hey Caleb thanks for doing this. This is so cool."

"Hey no problem , did you sign those forms I gave you `

"Oh yeah there here." I reached into my backpack and pulled them out nothing major just confidentially forms and forms to release the hospital incase anything happens to me, standard forms.

"I can't believe this is so cool. How did you manage this?"

"Well when you're the nurse manager at nights its not hard . Just got it cleared and told them you were a nursing student that I knew and wanted to show you about the ICU , So play along they think your just a student."

"But what if they start asking me question I was never in nursing school." "Its ok got it covered you are only in first year so they won't expect much just nod and shake your head a lot."

"Ok if your sure."

"Oh I am here we are."

We pulled into the parking lot and we parked and he lead me to the unit and into his office. He seems to be quite popular lots of people stopped to say hello and lots of the women were like all over him hugging him and patting him , God they were flirting. That lucky bastard . Most people just looked at me and Caleb introduced them. they seemed nice but apparently needed to be somewhere else. The office was normal except he had two desks one on either side . I must have been looking confused because he started talking to me.

"That's the other nurse manager on days Lydia we share the office"

"Oh"

"This is my desk "

"I was looking it while he pulled some stuff out and printed some stuff from the computer . Very simple desk I did notice our CD on the desk along with the Backstreet boys CD , I laughed .

" I didn't think you were a fan I said pointing"

"Not"

I was confused. he smiled "Well Joey , this way I get to have a picture of James on my desk and nobody is wiser. Would be hard to explain a picture of James on my desk in a frame now wouldn't it . This way I only get teased for listening to you music."

I started laughing " Very slick Caleb"

"I thought so."

"Well let me get these printouts of the census and we will check out the unit and then the trauma room. I will give you a tour"

"Ok"

We left the room and made our way to the unit people were milling around nurses leaving and nurses coming he introduced me to some people. And his story worked no one asked about anything. What a relief.

"Ok Tony"

I felt a poke, "Hey Tony follow me" it was Steve one of the night nurses. "Let me show you the units I don't have any pt so I am just floating while I am waiting. This will let Caleb get report on the pt its kind of boring."

"Ok" I feel like an idiot totally forgot that Caleb told me to go by Tony.

"Ok Tony so these are one of our rooms we have monitors to record the heart and other vital signs and its hooked up to the monitors out side at the nurses station so we can monitor them . When we are there. Here are some supplies that we keep in each room EKG leads, needles syringes etc.. ok over here .."

He took me over to a little corner in the unit this is out code cart . "If someone arrested we would call the code people would come running but we would have this in the arm and open and hook him up to the defibrillator and open the cart and get meds ready for the resident, he runs the code but we all have ACLS so we can start some of this stuff until he gets here."

Hey don't monopolize him or scare him" it was Caleb he returned

"Na wouldn't scare him beside we need more nurses maybe he will come work here."

"Well I... "

"Don't worry about Steve just looking for that incentive we get for recruiting staff."

" Caleb don't terrorize him."

"I am not anyway we have to go I am heading down to the ER and going to show him the trauma room and see what is down there guys. I will keep you guys posted as to what's heading up here ." Caleb and I made our way down stairs and showed me the trauma room. I was happy tagging along this was so interesting. We made our way into the trauma room which is part of the ER.

"Ok Joe" Caleb whispered " This is the trauma room all of the big trauma pts car wrecks, gun shots etc.. come here direct they are stabilized by the nurse and doctors. They do immediate things like blood work chest x-rays, some procedures and then they send then to the unit where we are. Then we do our thing sometimes they go direct to surgery but that's not always the case. Surgery wants them stable so they don`t die cause no one dies in surgery they will push them out barely alive and drop them in the unit. I have seen them doing chest compressions. Its really bad if someone dies in the OR."

"Hey Jennie what's up"

"Hey Caleb nothing looks to be a good night" Jennie replied

"Caleb its kind of quite down here now" I said

"Oh my God shush , you never use that word it's a jinx." Jennie yelled

"I'm sorry" I felt dumb.

" She just tormenting you Tony , it's a superstition we have"

"Yeah sorry Tony is it don't take it seriously." Jennie spoke

"Ok I won't sorry I said it's ok , but if it gets busy I will have to blame you" and she started to laugh. She ran out to get some supplies and Caleb took that opportunity to talk to me.

"Look Joe I am sorry , just don't take things here seriously, it gets really fast paced and stress full. So things are said in stressful times, you may thing people are barking or being rude but they are just focused on the task at hand . Best to do is to stand in the corner and watch and don't get in the middle save your questions for the end . I know Jennie was just tormenting you ok.?"

"Yeah thanks Caleb I appreciate It I felt kind of stupid"

"Never let anyone make you feel stupid ok and I'll tell you who is an ass other wise people are nice ok."

"Ok" I was totally amazed he read me so well he took me aside and made sure I was all right. that was when I thought he was a great guy and that Lance was truly a lucky guy.

"Caleb we just received report of a major care wreck on 1-4 one dead on scene two on route ETA is about 10 minutes."

" Ok . Have you page the trauma team?"

"Yeah there on there way."

"Ok lets get ready." Caleb picked up his phone and rang the unit giving them a heads up and preparing them for the pt coming

The next thing I new the room was full of people Caleb had a gown and mask on and gloves he stuck me in the corner and told me to stay there I got a little nervous at first. The next thing in rolled was two patients both teams of people went to work there was screaming and blood everywhere. The one thing I focused on was Caleb he remained calm moving about the room so focused with such a commotion. I was amazed how people were not running into each other in the commotion it was like everything was choreographed. I was in awe and Caleb was right in the center running everything well.

"Ok everyone we need to get these pt upstairs" the Doctor announced

"Covered Jack rooms 8 and 6" Caleb spoke and picked up his phone and alerted the unit then handed the phone to two of the trauma nurses to give report the he came to find me."

"Hey you ready to head back now we will head up to the unit to help admit these pts and see how they are up there."

"Yeah C lets go, that was so unreal C how can you do it"

"Do what ?"

"That"

"Oh that's nothing everyday stuff" I was totally mesmerized at him he left me in awe I am being to see what Lance sees in him

We made our way upstairs to the unit. We met up with the trauma teams as they settled the pts in the room and began monitoring them. There was a lot or ordering stuff arranging for surgery then waiting once it was done. Before I new it. It was about 2:30 in the morning. Where did the time go. I yawned

"What your tired"

"Um yeah"

"And you are supposed to be the party boy"

"Yeah well"

"Hey Joe I am sorry didn't mean to insult you just teasing, maybe its to soon to do that"

`"What do you mean?"

"Well I know you guys really don't know me very well I shouldn't have teased you . I am sorry if I crossed any boundaries"

"No Caleb , its ok I know we don't now you that well, but we want to well I do, the others will too they are just protective of Lance once they are sure you are that here to stay they will make the effort. I can see Chris is already starting to like you , he tries very hard not to laugh at your jokes he thinks your hilarious"

"Yeah and Justin thinks you're the coolest since he met Mel. I think he may have a thing for her"

"Hmm well Mel is spoken for ."

"Ok well I guess I will have to break Justin's heart"

"Well I hope the others especially Josh come around."

" Just give it time. And you have me in that corner."

Actually I think that's when it happened he turned to watch the monitor and I couldn't take my vision from him . I actually lost my breath it was so hard t believe but at that moment I was jealous of Lance and that scared me, but not enough to make me stay away. I would just have to admire from a distance and that was it."

Present

"That's it guys that's the story."

"Wow" was Josh's response

"Wow is right and you kept it to yourself all along Joey you are a strong man Joey very strong I don't know how you could do it" Chris replied.

"I feel bad now that he felt like we didn't like him. We honestly thought we were being cautious,"

"Yeah I know"

"and guys he knows that too. I know he thinks of you guys as really good friends"

"I am so glad Lance and he made it work"

Caleb and Lances house

"Holy shit Nick those couches were heavy"

"Yeah glad you came I wouldn't have been able by myself " Nick wiped his brow with his arm.

"You want something to drink we can go upstairs and wait until the girls get back, maybe grill something cause if I now them they will be gone awhile."

"Sounds good to me Nick lead the way." They made their way upstairs into the kitchen Nick grabbed a

soda and threw one to Justin.

"So did you talk to Caleb"

"Yeah he sounds happy"

"Yeah so did Lance. I think Lance popped the question again and I think Caleb said yes."

"Yeah that would explain it"

"explain what "'

"Ok but between us ok"

"Hey man no problem"

"Well with everyone coming here he told me that I should stay in Mel's room"

"Wow Nick"

" No that's not the best he told me to use condoms and to be careful although he doesn't want to hear about it"

Justin spit his pop out across the room . "Holy shit!!"

"Yeah that was my reaction"

"Was he high"

"I doubt it but he was probably high on life"

"What did you say?"

"What could I say nothing just agreed."

"Mel took it much better `

"Really, oh yeah I think he tried to catch her and it didn't work"

"Go Mel"

"So what's the plan here?" Justin asked

"I think he wants a big x-mas"

"and Kev is staying here, so I think he wants to make it special"

"The only way its going to be special if AJ pulled his head out of his ass and groveled for our forgiveness"

"True. Its hard Justin he was a friend and I work with him he is like a brother"

"I do understand Nick I do. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable."

"Caleb doesn't believe it"

"He told you that"

"No but I know him"

"He won't believe that about AJ"

"Why does he have blinders on"

Nick looked at him like he was dumb and rolled his eyes. Justin looked questioning and then

"NO way he is in ,love with him?"

"Yeah he is still in love with him"

"When is he going to tell Lance I need to tell him."

"No you won't Caleb may still be in love with AJ or he may just have those emotion from the past, no matter what Caleb and AJ share a special bond even if AJ is being a butt head. It will be hard to prove AJ wrong in his eyes. I have seen him and Lance together for the last 6 months and I have never seen Caleb so happy in my life he is glowing when Lance is around."

"You sure" Justin questioned

"Yes Justin"

"Now please don't say anything ok keep it to yourself, let Lance and Caleb work it out"

"Ok Nick so tell me when are you planning on moving to that level with Mel'

"The same time you do with Brit"

" Ok change of subject"

"I thought so"

In another Neighborhood

The sun was shining brightly down on the local neighborhood, however the sun failed to reach the inner rooms of a small cottage. The curtains were drawn and doors bolted. Typically not uncommon for this house, more then anything the owners of the home were never around , so the neighbors were accustomed to this site. However looking upon this house today they would be wrong in assuming some one was not at home. Some one was, locked away inside the house in the back spare bedroom. The self imposed exile to keep the world out and away.

The silence was broken by the sounds of someone entering the home. And carefully traveling through the house systematically as if they were looking for something or someone. Finally they reached the spare room and peered inside .

"AJ, there you are , you haven't answered the phone or returned any of my messages"

No response

"AJ come on man you need to snap out of this , your scaring me, please let me in."

No response. The huddled mass of blankets didn't even flinched Howie approached scared at what he might find terrified at the possibilities. He knew AJ had sunken into a deep depression but what if he.. The thought was too terrible to conceive. Howie sat down next to the mass and held his breath , he could see the blankets rise and fall. he let out a sigh at lest he hadn't down that.

"I just got of the phone with Brian they found Caleb and he is coming back with them today. Kevin's coming back as well. Brian said he was staying at Caleb's and Lance's. We are supposed to be having a big x-mas celebration over there. Oh AJ please talk to me."

No response

Is your Mom coming over for x-mas this year , it's probably going to be hard with your Grandmother passing away. Maybe you should go to here for the holidays and be near family. I don't want you all alone.

He heard a soft sob . Howie reached out and started to rub AJ back soothing him

"I remember the first time he kissed me, it was amazing I never experienced passion like that"

"Oh AJ, Kevin will come around and talk to you, we just need to get proof of who set you up"

"I wasn't talking about Kevin'

I really don't want to be here I don't understand why I had to come. Kevin is so insistent . I really don't want to meet this mysterious boyfriend. Of all the luck the first guy I fall for is already in love with someone else not only that I have to stand around in the airport waiting to pick him up with the guys I understand Brian being here but what the rest of us.

"Kevin when are we leaving"

"God Nick just wait their plane landed they should be hear soon"

"They?"

Brian looked at me "Yeah didn't you now"

I just looked at him with my eyes giving that of course not hello , or I wouldn't have asked such a dumb ass question look' Thankfully Brian blushed. " Oh sorry it Caleb, Kevin's friends and Melissa." "Oh a girl " Nick whined "she better not want autographs"

"What an ego , just because we are a little famous in Europe nobody knows us over here." Howie said

"Whatever" Nick replied

"Shut up you too idiots I can see him Kevin s shouted and made his way to the line. Oh gee just what I wanted to see the guy I have the hots for all over his b/f. Wow I can see what Kevin see in him, he is gorgeous not as good looking as Kevin but cute. Oh god look at me drooling over my secret crushes b/f I suck. Oh shit he bringing them over here . That's it AJ just smile and nod pretend to be happy.

"Hey AJ, Howie , Nick this is Caleb Sark my..."

"Who's she? Nick interrupted thank you Nicky I didn't need to hear that. Nick was pointing to the young girl with Caleb must be his kid sister. Looks like Nicky got a crush he is kind of awe struck you think it was the first time he saw a girl.

"This beautiful young lady is Melissa Townsend" Caleb answered he absolutely beamed with pride as he tried to embarrass her.

"Papa stop it"

"Papa" wow Caleb doesn't look old enough to have a kid that old I thought he was as old as Kevin. Wow Kevin must be serious. I looked around and saw both Nick and Howie with there mouths open as well. God to know I wasn't the only one shocked.

"Stop doing that Mel you freak people out, this is my cousin Melissa, I am taking care of here since her parent died several years ago. She like to call me that to embarrass me."

"Oh wow"

"Hey Mel"

"Hi Kevin Hi Brian"

"Still as pretty as ever, what do you think nick." Kevin asked `

"HUHU" was all he said

"I think Nick likes you " Kevin said trying to embarrass Nicky but what Melissa said next probably embarrassed him far more then Kevin ever could.

"Hi Nick, Papa and Kevin told me about you. But they were wrong your not a annoying spaz, your cute."

Nick turned three shades of red and we all started laughing. I think that was he fell in ,love with Melissa on that very spot.

"Kevin I'm kind of tired you think we could head out I have some serious jet lag. "

"yeah no problem lets grab your bags and go"

Later that evening

Knock, Knock

"I opened the door slowly hey Kevin you ready to go out yet . I was nervous I didn't want to bother him but I had to wake him up the rest of us were ready to go. Wow. I wasn't expecting it I could feel the jealousy as I saw them in bed Kevin asleep with Caleb wrapped around him in bed. They were only in there boxers . They must have fallen asleep. Why am I doing this to myself.

I guess I didn't realize my coming in had woken them cause they were staring at me

"what AJ"

"Its time to go" I sneers and walked out of the room into my own and close the door. A few minutes later someone was wrapping at my door I didn't answers but that didn't stop hem from coming in its probably Kevin . I was surprised to find that it was Caleb "

"Can I come in"

"Hmff"

"I will take that as a yes then ok." he came in and sat down on the bed still only in his boxers. The nerve of this guy. Its bad enough I have to witness him all over the guys I have a crush and then he leaves himself in my room and sits next to me like were friends or something. God he's hot. Stop that AJ your not supposed to think that , but he is really hot. I can't believe it I am getting hard with him sitting here my breath is short.

"You have it bad for him don't yeah, I know the feeling"

"What the... you know how , you don't even know me and I doubt you would know you already have him oops I said to much"

" I don't have his heart, not that's way anyway."

"what, then why are you here?" He started laughing obviously he thinks this is funny.

"You think I'm Freddie."

"Freddie who?"

" Freddy Kevin's b/f"

"What ?"

"AJ I'm not his boyfriend. Kevin and I are best friends have been for several years his boyfriends name is Freddie."

"Well you could have fooled me with what I saw"

"What you saw was two friends sleeping . Mind you I love him but it would never work out I guess I need to find a b/f an move one. Its probably what you should do. Don't pine over like I did ."

"Who said I was pinning" he looked at my wow those eyes they are so deep.

"Umm ok yeah I'm pining " I blushed

"You are a very good looking guy you will find someone for you don't worry"

"You think I'm god looking"

"Yes I am not blind I maybe older like Kevin but I have lost my eyesight"

I just stared at him then spoke " Umm well your pretty good looking your self" and I blushed . Oh my god he blushed too and smiled. That is so, I don't know adorable. Here I am supose to be hating this guy when I find myself falling for him. He looks up and I catch my breath

"Thanks"

I am fidgeting here I move to stand up and he does as well. I am standing there staring . What's happening he is getting closer he's leaning in. No I'm leaning in , I feel my heart beating in my chest is it possible to die from a heart attack this young. Ooh my god he's kissing me this is so, so, so, oh god I think I am going to cum. Oh my god how embarrassing

"Um um" I could feel the tears

"He just looked at me and wiped them way and spoke trying to catch his breath.

"Don't apologize, I am honored that's I would do that to you" Maybe you would like to go out and hang out if you like he was still stroking my face when he realized he pulled back thinking he was being to pushed. But I got bold and put his hand back. Umm yeah I would like that."

"GREAT"

"What?"

We both turned to see Kevin there , this is so cool I didn't know you were gay AJ, we have so much to talk about. You are getting a great guy here in Caleb. Hey guys Freddie will be here in a couple of days we could double date this is so great."

"Wow AJ I never knew, I never doubted you were innocent but if I did that would change my tone. You do love him."

"Of course so Howie we were dated for 3 years I proposed for gods sake. A lot has happened and I forgot a lot it and that it took this t make me remember what a great guys he was. I would never hurt him like that never ."

"I know AJ lets try and fix this"

Kevin's point of view

The airplane had taken off we were about 20minutes into the flight I looked over Lance was next to me and Caleb was in the window seat, well part of him was. He was sound asleep with his arms wrapped around Lance's body he looked comfy but I doubt Lance was I just smiled shyly.

"Comfy"

"Actually yes" Lance replied

"Well he is quite the entertainment now isn't he asleep, I never known him to be that comfortable he was like Brian terrified of flying"

"Oh he is but thanks we have the sedatives he takes, remember" Lance gestured to his head

"Oh yeah but I thought they were for when He gets vertigo" They are but don't you think flying with the pressure changes would make him nauseas as well."

"Oh yeah it might, Wow its like I hardly knew him anymore"

"Well its only a few things. you know him better then I ever will." Lance absentmindedly began stroking Caleb's hair, actually tracing the line of corn rows."

"I think we know different things" Kevin said not wanting Lance to feel upset he was a little nervous around Lance know that he knew Caleb and he had slept together. Lance could sense Kevin's reluctance since their talk this morning he didn't want to be a riff between them. " Look Kevin relax I am not worried about you and Caleb I know how he feels about you and me. I know you"

"We only just met"

"Well true but I may not have known about Caleb's past with you guys but I did know about Kevin, this guy his best friend who he talked about all the time, mind you I got jealous at times when his face would light up when he talked about hi best friends, called you the closet thing he had to a brother."

Kevin blushed and looked down at Caleb "really I didn't know he talked about me."

"Well yah he talked a lot just didn't know that you were the Kevin he talked about."

" You may have missed out on two years Kevin but believe me you were important to him and I am glad to get a chance to know you and you can help me get to know him better."

"Lance you just need to ask know he will tell you anything"

"yeah but the little things I wouldn't think of asking you could help me out `

"ok but you have to fill me in on what his life was like over the last couple of years' deal" He reached out and shook Lances hand making a deal and then looked down at his best friend

"Interesting hair style"

"Yeah I am not sure if I like it or not might have to change it"

"I am sure he's going to fight you on that"

"No doubt lance replied

"So Kevin you looking forward to your mom coming "

"Yeah"

"Not looking for the holidays are you, I know that's a stupid question.. just that I should say something and acknowledge it. I know its going to be hard but I know Caleb will be there for you and I want to be as well."

"Yeah I know it's going be hard I feel so betrayed and confused at what AJ did" Lance visibly flinched at his name and Kevin noticed but let it pass

He looked at Caleb "You do realize that he doesn't believe us at all, he believe him to be innocent"

"Yeah I know , Lance sighed, what does he have to do, When will he love me like he loves him"

"Never" was Kevin's response. Lance was shocked and turned it was like a slap in the face to be told this to clarify that which he always dreaded.

"Lance he will never love you like he loves AJ its just different he loves you for who you are and that's what matters don't compete with AJ you won't win . You can never take that parts of Caleb's heart. No matter what Caleb has a large heart enough for everyone. Just like AJ will never be able to take your place in his heart. A word of advice Lance don't compete cause in the end the completion will be with you self and the prize may not appreciate it"

Lance took in what Kevin was saying as his focus was drawn down to Caleb as he slept Caleb hadn't moved much and his chest rose and fall. he looked peaceful he enjoyed watching him and thought word from Caleb came back to him .

" I loved AJ but we never had that closeness that I had with you or Kevin,."

Oh he is but we have this same closeness, I thought I would never feel that with another guy that I loved in a romantic sense but I do with you"

"Really"

"You know how I sleep."

"Yeah you hog all the blankets"

"Umm yah but not all night."

"True you give them up, when I get into bed,"

"Yeah well beside Kevin you are the only one I allow that close to me, not even with AJ did I do that , he would bitch and moan that I hogged all the blankets or he would spoon with me."

He started to smile and turned to Kevin "Your right he does love me I see it in his eyes the way he talks and way he moves." Lance glanced down at Caleb and spoke softy "You are the most important person in my life Caleb you are my heart and soul. I love you"

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