Hey here it is yet another part... Raven...
If You Knew What I Knew Seven
Disclaimers: The BSB are not Gay to my knowledge. Sorry It's all Fantasy...
Notes: The boys will get better, Explanations on the way... I Promise.. (Kevin is still looking at me. Tera's picture stares at me.)
Brian sat outside the house waiting for Joey and the other members of Nsync to return he really wanted to explain what happened, why he reacted the way that he did. When he saw the lights come up the drive he stood, and waited for Joey to emerge from the vehicle. Joey watched from the car, he was scared to talk to him, he watched as Brian stood, as though he wanted to see him alone, and being alone with people was not his forte.
"Joey can we talk, alone?" Brian asked as they neared him.
"Can Lance come to?" Joey asked, he really didn't want to be alone. Sensing that Joey was scared Brian nodded, he had fought his own urge to have Alex there with him, but he had to force himself to not be scared.
"Let's go into the den," Brian led the way into his house, as the couple followed. They sat on the deep leather sofas waiting for the other person to talk. Lance held his lovers hand, he was only an observer, a stone for Joey to anchor himself on.
"Joey, I'm sorry for how I reacted. It wasn't you."
"Brian I'm sorry that I freaked you out."
"Joey you didn't know. But you should all of you should."
'You don't have to tell us if you don't want to." Joey said giving him away out. He knew how hard it was talking about the past especially if it was painful.
"I need to talk about this." Brian stopped he wanted them to know. "I was in an abusive relationship. When I told my mom I was gay, she threw me out of the house, and told me that until I stopped sinning I was not welcome there anymore." Lance nodded he went through the same thing, but his mother realized that God had made him the way he was and that meant that God loved him. "My brother had a friend he was gay and took me under his wing. He was wonderful at first, then he got worse, at first it was yelling then hitting. I took it because I was scared and alone. I mean my brother was talking to me, but not my parents. Kevin was here and he didn't have a clue until after." Brian stopped to gather his thoughts. He wanted to just say it but he still felt that is was his fault it happened. "The last night I was there, before I moved here to join the BSB, was the worst night. He came home and forced me, he took me against my will. I couldn't even give that special part of myself to Alex." Brian stopped, he waited for the response.
"Oh Brian I'm sorry that I came up behind you like that." Joey said kneeling in front of him, afraid to touch him. "Joey you didn't know and if it hadn't all come back I wouldn't have reacted that way." Brian explained.
"What brought it back?"
"It was moving in with Alex, and not knowing what would happen. I mean it was a whole new situation for us the last guy I lived with hurt me, and hurt me badly." Brian explained free to do so, because Alex wasn't there, he didn't have to worry about hurting him.
"Alex loves you he would never hurt you."
"I know that here" Brian pointed to his heart, "but my mind expects it."
"Does he know?"
"I can't tell him it would hurt him too much."
"Brian you have to tell him, it will hurt him more if you don't"
'I know I will after I figure it all out. We are going to see a therapist."
"The one we went to." Lance broke into the conversation. He wanted Joey to feel comfortable.
"She is nice." Joey said, smiling as he remembered her. "She helped me to forgive myself for Michael."
"Michael?"
"Michael was ex, he killed himself. He was addicted to heroin, and hid it from me, he was a dancer, and I loved him, but he killed himself."
"How did you find out?"
"I was there. He did it in front of me. He drove us out to the beach it was our special place. I didn't even notice that he was high. He shot up in front of me, it was a drug overdose, the coroner told me latter that the drugs would have killed him anyway, but he had to make sure. He had a gun on him. He pulled it out and aimed at me. He started yelling that I wasn't a good boyfriend I wasn't caring enough that I drove him to the drugs because I wasn't there for him. He blamed me, and told me that I had driven him to it. He shot himself after that." Joey stopped and looked over at Lance. "Lance found me latter, probably five hours latter, he had just broken up with Kevin, and was worried about me, I wasn't home." Lance smiled at him and took over for him. "I figured that he was at the beach because he missed Michael, he was supposed to be on tour with Brittany." Lance explained. " But he wasn't, he had decided to surprise Joey. I found Joey on the beach cradling him, telling him over and over how sorry he was, and how he would be a better boyfriend if he came back." Lance shuddered at the memory. Joey squeezed his hand; he never wanted to hurt him. "Joey I'm fine." Lance said to him, he knew what was going threw his mind.
"Joey, I'm sorry that you had to go through that." Brian said, leaning in to hug him.
"I better, I know that I'm a good boyfriend in my mind, but my heart isn't sure. Our therapist helps." Joey said.
"I hope that she can help me." Brian whispered. "I'm hurting Alex and I don't want to." Brian finished. Lance looked up, "would you like me to talk to him?"
"Why?"
"To let him know what I went through, that I needed to give Joey the space to deal and that he never meant to hurt me. It's a defense mechanism." Lance said, he went through hell every time that Joey told him to go away, that he never loved him that he himself wasn't loveable therefore Lance must be screwed in the head to love him.
"I love him I really do, but I need to deal with this in my way." Brian said for the first time, he realized that having AJ as close as he was was not going to cause him and Alex pain.
"How do I tell him?"
"Wait until the after your first session."
"Why?"
"You may change your mind after you talk to her."
"Okay. Let's go join everyone that is still here." They three men went back out onto the patio, to find that they were alone, then they heard laughter coming from the living room.
"Hey guys." Joey smiled as he walked into the room "Sorry."
"Not a biggy." Alex said, he scooted over so that Brian could sit beside him, but he didn't he choice to sit beside Kevin and Nick on the other couch.
"We should go" Lance said, as he and Joey stood.
"Us to." Kevin said pulling Nick to his feet, and towards the door.
"Have a good night." AJ said as they all left.
Josh stared at Justin as he sat in front of him. He was lost in his thoughts, his friendship was gone and he was to blame. To top it all off he could be a parent in nine moths.
"Josh you have to eat something." Justin pushed the plate of take out Chinese closer to his friend.
"I can't eat. I don't deserve to eat." Josh replied pushing it away.
"Josh give him time, he'll come around."
"Justin he hit me."
"Josh you slept with is girlfriend."
"I know." Josh stood; he didn't want to be reminded of his faults, unable to face it, he turned to walk out of the room.
"Josh, I care about you, but you have to face this." He called after him.
"I do not."
"Yes you do. You are probably going to be a father, and the girl is linked to your friend and out tour mates."
"I know."
"You have to deal with this, before the tour starts."
"What do you mean before the tour starts?"
"The tour is going to start."
"We are still touring with them?"
"Yes."
"Justin I can't"
"You have no choice." Justin left alone with that thought.
Howie looked at the almost empty bottle of tequila on his kitchen table. He wanted to hit something, but Josh wasn't there, and he couldn't hit her. The phone rang, bringing him out of his trance.
"Hello" He said, his voice slurring.
"Howie is that you?" Dakota asked, she wasn't sure.
"Yeah, what do you want?'
"We need to talk."
"So talk I'm listening."
"In person."
"NO, I don't talk to sluts."
"Howie, what?'
"Josh came by today, he told me everything."
"Everything?"
"Yeah."
"Josh we don't know if I am."
"You don't know?"
"I won't be sure until next week."
"Next week?"
"I won't know if I'm pregnant until next week."
"Pregnant. You are pregnant?"
"Josh told you."
"No Josh told me you were fucking him." Howie said simply as though he was talking about the weather.
"What?"
"We're through." Howie hung up, grabbing the bottle and slamming back the rest of the liquid contained in it. He stared at the box on the table, which contained the ring he planned to give her, that was a wash out know. He never wanted to see Josh again, and touring with him was out of the question. Picking up the phone he pressed memory 1 and dialed Kevin's number.
"Hello" a breathless Nick picked up.
"Nick tell Kevin to stop sucking and talk to me." Howie said, Nick dropped the phone and yelled, "Howie you asshole." Kevin came out of the pool, "what?"
"Talk to Howie." Nick handed him the phone off the lounge chair beside him.
"Hello?"
"Kevin, took you long enough, just had to finish him off hey?"
"Howard, you had better be drunk or I'm gonna kill you." Kevin stated through clinched teeth. He reached out to sooth his lover, he was not ashamed, but he was a private person.
"Kevin cancel the tour with Nsync."
"Why?"
"Josh is fucking Dakota."
"Whoa"
"He is fucking my girlfriend, but it gets better, she might be pregnant."
"You're drinking"
"Give him a gold star."
"Howie go sleep it off, and we'll talk tomorrow."
"I want to talk now. I want to talk about how my friend is fucking the woman that I love. I was going to ask her to marry me."
"Oh Howie."
"Don't pity me." Howie yelled, his voice quivering.
"Howie we are coming over." Kevin said, "no we aren't" Nick interrupted; he didn't want to be around Howie when he was like this.
"I don't want to see anybody unless they have alcohol."
"Howie you don't need to drink anymore"
"Oh Kevin stop being a daddy and go fuck your little blond toy."
"Howie you don't mean that."
"Yes I do."
"Howie."
"Go fuck him." Howie yelled, "someone should be happy."
"Good night Howie." Kevin hung up on him.
"Kevin what happened?"
"Dakota is cheating on him with Josh."
"Oh" Nick said quietly, "do you think of our relationship as just fucking?"
"No" Kevin said. He reached for him "I love holding you in my arms." Kevin said pulling him close. He didn't care if they made love or not he just liked to hold him. "Stay the night with me?" He asked. Nick nodded.
Joey cuddled close to Lance as they lay in their bed; he was safe in his arms. "I love you." Joey said quietly.
"I love you to." Lance replied as he fell into a slumber, he was happy as his true love was in his arms.
The End For Now...
Raven
Comments welcome.
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