Imperfection by John K. Perkins Jr. Always open to comments/criticism (constructive/otherwise) Email me! john@huberthost.com Or add me on MSN! john@huberthost.com
----------------------------------- Ch. 4: Of Love, Sex, and Cigarettes -----------------------------------
Aiden kissed me back that night. One thing progressed to another, and we ended up making love. Slow, sweet, gentle love. And it was everything I could've ever hoped for. I gave my virginity, and everything I was, to the boy I loved.
I don't think a word was said, either. But neither of us needed to speak. Our actions spoke well enough.
After what seemed like a happy eternity shoved into the mere timespan of two short hours, we had finally exhausted ourselves. I fell asleep in his arms. I slept better that night than I've ever slept in my life.
I woke up the next morning, and, since Aiden was still asleep, I snuck out of bed, covered my love back up, kissed him gently on the forehead, and snuck outside for a quick smoke.
Aiden always gave me shit for smoking. He would always say, "Wes, you moron, you know you're killing yourself, right?" in a tone of voice that was half concerned, half joking. I would respond, "Aiden, you moron, you know I'm going to die anyway, right?" and the conversation would come to an end. I always saw a certain level of concern in his eyes whenever it came up, though.
As I lit the cigarette, and took a few drags, I mulled over what had just happened the night before. Wondered what it meant. Wondered if this meant he wanted me as much as I wanted him.
I would probably soon find out.
After about 2 minutes, I heard the door open behind me. I turned around and smilied sweetly at my angel, and said, "Good morning, sleepyhead."
"Morning." he mumbled.
"What's wrong?"
"Wes, um, can we talk?"
"Of course," I said, trying to act like I wasn't nervous. In reality, I was paralyzed with fear. I knew exactly what was going on.
"Look," he started, "I don't know what happened last night... It was great, and all, but...
I'm not..." he struggled, "I'm not gay!"
I knew it was coming, but it still struck my heart like a knife. Cold, and unforgiving.
Everything after that happened in a blur. I tried to talk, but no words would come out, and I remember crying harder than I've ever cried in my life.
"Wes! Come on, man... I'm sorry..."
But it was no use. I was heartbroken. Through the tears, I managed to get up, put my cigarette out, go inside my house, lock the door, and find my way to my bed.
I collapsed when I got there. I cried more tears that day than I've ever cried. The pain was unbearable.
And then it happened. Sleep. Merciful sleep. Taking me away... Away from all the pain, away from the tears. Away from Aiden.
I slept for quite some time. I don't know if it was three hours, or six. I happened to wake up to pounding on my bedroom door.
"WESLEY AARON MICHAELS!!" My full name. I hated my full name. No one ever used my full name.
I recognized the voice that was saying it. It was Aiden's. "Wesley, please, open this damned door, or I'm going to knock it down myself!"
"Go ahead and knock it down, then." I heard myself say. But I didn't recognize my voice. It sounded different... cold.
"Please, Wes! I've been trying to get ahold of you for the last four hours! I need to talk to you!" he said, pleading.
I don't know why, but I decided to open it. Maybe it was because I loved him more than life.
Or maybe it was the sorrow I heard in his voice. I'll never know for sure.
I opened the door, and I was immediately met with a hug. His arms felt so warm and safe, and for just that moment, everything was right with the world. Nothing else mattered, because I was in the arms of my love, my Aiden.
"I'm so, so sorry, Wes... So sorry."