after that night with Bill Washington I never had any more sexual contact with Nelson or Torres. I have to admit that when they didn't come for me the next night I thought it was Bill and as a result I gave myself completely to him. I felt so relieved that I wanted to mark my gratitude in the eyes of others. I know that some of this can take on an unreal texture...but if you don't think this and much much more happens, then you have never been in one of these places. It is especially so in some states and during certain periods of time. Later when I was with this lawyer who got me out he told me some interesting tales which I will share as I go along. In any case, all of this happened pretty much as I say. I have left out some sex and I have missed defining the emotional and physical pleasure and release, the personality transformation and other things because words have their limitations. People have asked me for greater detail. They have asked to hear certain elements. Some like it rough and some rough is coming but I can only tell what was. It is important to me not to make anything up. this is intended as a catharsis. I've gone some long years now without this and it is returning on me now because I never followed it all the way out. I am hoping that writing this will inspire me, while my body is still pretty nice and while I still have some youth in my heart and my eyes, to find someone who will make her dance that dance complete inside of me.
I know some things about what happens to a man when his female nature awakens. Mine has done so due to reincarnative movement through time and through drugs and through the vacilations of the kundalini. the kiss of the spider woman is a real thing. And in this world in which we live, the reverse kundalini, which turns the anal region into an active pussy is also a real thing. Due to the pull of materialism it is a real challenge for those of us who, through effort, through aspiration, through yoga, through whatever, have awakened her within and who must then tame her...in order to dance in the higher realms. this often necessitates getting fucked in the lower regions. So be it. Enough with my philosophizing....though it is deadly pertinent...on with the story.
The next day I woke up and my ass did hurt. It wasn't grevious. It was just very sore. I made a solution of soap and cocaine and pushed it with my finger as far into my ass as I could get. I did this several times to get all areas. I may have taken too much this way and I got really high, suffice to say, there was no pain either.
In the afternoon Nelson came by to tell me that I had a visitor. I followed him through the various halls into a private room. A black man in a suit waited for me. He looked a great deal like Martin Luther King, strangely enough, quite tall, fit...he was perhaps 50 years old. I never did ask. Carl had contacted him and he needed to talk to me about my situation. Very quickly he assimilated the information and told me that I was going to walk out of there due to illegal search and seizure. He said to give it a few days. I said, "great!" he asked me how I was getting on. I said i didn't want to talk about it. He said he knew all about the place and that I didn't have to. He said he would make some efforts for me in that regard. Later, when I found out what really went on in there and how it reached into the community on a variety of levels I was less surprised about everything that happened.
while walking back to my cell Nelson chatted me up in a comradely fashion. He wanted me to know that it was just some kind of initiation thing and I shouldn't worry about followups. There were wheels and wheels going on but I knew nothing. later I found out that this lawyer was a serious player. It was enough for most people just to see him to want to act more reasonably.
I told Nelson it was okay. I said that there was a lot I enjoyed about men. I hadn't really done any of these things much. (I hadn't even had much sex with Don..or anyone else) "But" I told him, "I don't like the brutal shit...but I can handle that too if I'm high. it's later when I turn to shit inside my mind."
"Not to worry." he said, "we're done with you." I felt a real sense of relief and I thought about Bill. If I was going to get out I wanted to be with him as much as I could.
Well, things happened and things didn't happen...but that's life.
That night I got all made up in my cell and waited on Bill. When he came by with his flashlight I was sitting back in the bottom bunk, all dressed up and all made up, my knees drawn up, sipping on scotch and smoking. i'd made a ribbon for my hair out of a strip of magazine and I was stoned and drunk. Bill came into my cell that night, three times, and we fucked in every position. I won't spend much time on this because Bill fucked me every night I was there. We must have had sex twenty times before I left in the five days that we engaged. But that night was perfect as all of them were. I really became his girl. Other things happened in this four days following the first night and I was a man in some of them...but once it got dark I started to think of Bill. I've still got two photos of his cock from when I visited him on the way back, one hard and one soft. I have looked at them over the years.
I remember the taste of his cum in my mouth. I remember how much of it there was. I've never come in such copious quantities. It is what I imagine a horse produces. And whenever he came in my ass I made sure to lock my ass and rest in a certain position so that no part of it would escape me. Because of the drugs and because it was so new and I was so young and willing and because my perception of reality was so confined and controlled by my environment I became something I have never been again. But it is intersting to note that when I went and stayed at his home for a few days on my way back from The Keys...it was still wonderful. I attribute that in part to the drugs I brought with me and the drugs he had (yeah, I didn't learn a fucking thing. I went right back to carrying them in my car with me...but I slid by that time). I didn't take drugs for ten years after that. Now I do again and maybe that is part of this feeling again.
Anyway, I woke up the next day, encrusted with sweat and cum, fucked, coming into consciousness as a girl, thinking about my man, wishing he was near so that I could do it again. I was a real slut at the time. you'll see.
I cleaned up and after lunch my cell door opened and the guard ushered two boys into my cell, Patrick and Bobby. Patrick was about 5'6" and Bobby was maybe aninch taller. Patrick had red hair and green eyes and very fair skin with freckles. Bobby I cannot remember so well now, except to say he was dark and very slender. I think he had dark eyes and black hair. They were both handsome and they were both very jailhouse pretty.
When I first saw them I thought, immediately, that Nelson was lying when he said I was the finest 'bitch' he had ever seen. Both of these two were beautiful, in the way that youth and energy will make you and in the way that vulnerability speaks for beauty and so very often has a say. But most of us diminish our own assets and wish to avoid those who make too much of their own..so, who the fuck knows?
They had both been raped in population and cried for help. Patrick still had the remnants of a black eye. They'd been at the infirmary, healing. They looked shell-shocked.
We talked for awhile and I could not tell them they were okay now. That would have been a lie. I knew that too well. I did turn them on to some cocaine and scotch so that by evening we were all in a merry mood. I should mention here that the lawyer, Bennett Mellon (not his name, but real close) had asked me about my 'amenities'. Even though I had yet 2.5 grams (give or take) of coke and a full bottle of scotch, I told him I was out. More came.
That night nothing happened, except we got high. I went with Bill that night, taking all my stash with me, leaving them a gram on the plate and some scotch. I came back around 3:00am and they were still up. I kissed Bill at the door. I hadn't worn my outfit.
After a pause of time and snorting some lines Patrick asked me what was going on. I told him, or rather them. I said he was fucking me and I liked it and he was protecting me from far worse. I showed them my clothes and told them I liked being a girl for him. I told them they might be in for some things too. I had to. I said I liked girls but I didn't mind being one either, especially when I was high. Bobby was not impressed, though he had the good sense not to say anything to me. After all, I controlled the drugs. Patrick on the other hand seemed to understand and kept asking me what he could do to seem willing so as to avoid more of the brutality that he ahd already received. I was candid. I don't like bullshit. At that time I was just expressing the native honesty of my being. Across the reach of the years, I must say...I just don't like bullshit. Bobby was playing tough..but the thing is, I knew he'd been knocked down and fucked..tough is only good when tough can play the house...otherwise, either wisdom or practicality should monitor your fate.
I said to him, "I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you will figure it out."
We went to bed. I in the bottom bunk, Bobby up top, Patrick in my old place. Patrick woke me up late in the night and begged me to help him not get fucked. He did this in whispers and he clutched at me and grabbed me as if holding on to me was going to save his ass. I told him I would do what I could but he needed to make the best of it.
The next day was another day. Confidence seemed to be restored with the sun...and I had the coke...I had had to tell them that the scotch was mine though. I would give them a portion...but in the back of my head was the thought that it could run out...and I WAS NOT GOING TO RUN OUT IN 'HERE!"
That evening though, Nelson came by. he made Patrick suck his cock at the bars, just like me. Truthfully, I asked him to let the boy go. he told me to shut the fuck up, my influence covered only me and if I wanted my 'amenities' to be clean and strong I would mark his words. I did. He told Bobby to come down and suck him too. Bobby said he wasn't going to. Nelson nodded his head and raised his hand. the celldoor opened. he walked in and jerked Bobby off on his bed to the floor and kicked him twice. Bobby cried for help and Nelson kicked him again. Patrick scrambled back during this and crawled with all the emulated power of a snake- behind me on the bottm bunk where I sat.
"You want to suck me now Bitch!" Nelson said. Bobby nodded. He sat on the bed, pressing my ass out of the way and pulled Bobby into his crotch. Bobby gagged and coughed...but had no choice and Nelson shot his wad into his mouth and when Bobby started to vomit from it Nelson immediately forced him on to the floor and puched him in the stomach which immediately caused Bobby to swallow the whole load. Bobby then began to retch uncontrollably and Nelson walked out. Bobby puked for some time in the toilet.
Later Nelson returned and took both of them away. During that time Bill came to my cell. We didn't do anything because they were too much on my mind. An hour later they returned...really beaten...not physically so much, at least from what I could see...but cowed. freaked. I then thanked whatever God's protected me that I had had drugs. They weren't given anything.
I immediately set out to heal as I could. I made them pull down their pants and I rubbed coke into their asses. Both of them were bleeding, bleeding worse than I had been. I make it a point to open myself when life forces itself upon me. It's an inate thing I think. Here I had living proof that surrender on some occasions beats passive/aggressive resistence all down the line.
I spoke softy, i got them drunk and high. When Bill came by I went to the bars and asked him if he would do something for me. All he asked was, "are you sure?"
I asked, "will you." "Absolutely Sugar. But I can't protect them."
"But seeing this might help." I said.
And then he said to me something I will always carry in my heart. He said, "until now I just thought you were beautiful, beautiful to look at. Now I know you are beautiful inside and out."
He went away and I said, to my wounded and drunken cohorts. "You only have to watch now. I want you both on this bunk on either side of me. You have to endure. Remember, you won't be in here forever..maybe you like this and maybe you don't...maybe you don't know. I don't know who I am. I know I'm high and this is what I'm doing while I wait to get free."
I took off all of my clothes and Patrick whimpered. "Relax" I said. "This isn't about you." Then I put on my clothes, which Bill had had laundered for me that day. I slipped on my thong. Then I snorted some lines. I drank some scotch and I smiled at Patrick. I said, "You don't have to do this and you don't have to feel like I do...but it is all the difference between Heaven and Hell."
Then I put on my stockings and tied the skirt around my waist. I pressed coke into my ass then, just to feel it. Both of them watched me in horror and amazement. I said, " a girls got to do what a girls got to do." I looked at their open mouths as I said this and then I said. "Wake up and smell your body burning."
Bill had brought me fake tits, good ones. The piece wrapped wide from stomach to armpit so that the tits, small champagne glass like would hang right. He had asked me what he could bring me and I said, this. Then I put my top over.
I went to the mirror and applied my make-up. Now I had eye shadow and glitter too. Bill had suggested this. When I was done I turned around and asked. "What do you think?"
Patrick replied, "you're beautiful." Bobby said nothing. he was crying. I would have gone to him but I had no hope to give.
I sat down between them and I said, "You're just going to watch. If you want to be part of this, that's okay too. But you need to see how you might get out of here without it hurting more than it has to"
As I read back over my words, these twenty years later, I'm amazed at the wisdom in them. I never thought that then. If truth be told, I was into this. I couldn't imagine anything better than a huge cock going in and out of my ass, or pulsing in my mouth. Later I wound up eating the pussies of teenage girls and I have to say...it's a dead tie. Since i went on to be a fairly famous rock musician, I had an enormous amount of physical attention from the 13 to 17 year old teenage girl spectrum. maybe it was payback. I don't know.
Bill came into the cell a little while later and I glided up to meet him. We kissed there for awhile and then he undressed. I sat back down between these boys and I sucked him for some time. Then I turned over on my back and let my head dangle over the bunk while Bill buried his cock in my mouth. I do not doubt those boys were impressed that I took the whole of it down my throat. Bill pulled me up and kissed me again. Then he pressed me down into the bunk. "Sugar, you are as good as gold." he said. "Fuck me." I replied. Bill came forward and very slowly buried his whole cock in my ass. I reached out with either hand to the crotches of these boys. They both hardened under my touch...no lie here by the way....I moaned and spoke words of love to Bill. I turned to the boys and told them to put their heads close to see Bill's cock disappear into my ass and they both did. I said, "see, it doesn't have to hurt."
Then I got lost in the sheer joy of being fucked and being fucked by a master. I did my one hundred percent, young girl, giving herself to a big man. I cried out for him to fuck me and fuck me harder and harder and Bill did. The most amazing thing about that evening, except for Bill's cock in my ass was when I reached for Patrick as I was about to come and pulled his head down upon my cock. He took my cock into his mouth and drained me while I came...exquisite...just...just...no words.
After that Bill pulled from my ass. he had not cum...he only did it in my ass half the time as I remember it now. He washed his cock and I chopped out major lines for everyone. It was dark in the cell, but we could see each others faces. I can still remember the difference between Patricks and Bobby's faces. I knew then too, whether intuitively, or by grace, what I had to do.
I began to suck Bill. I sucked him as deep and as outrageously slobber filled and greedy as I could manage. When I knew he was close to coming I pulled Patrick down by me and When Bill came we shared the cum. Once he was done I went to Bobby and I made him snowball with me. His protestations were only surface anyway. Then I freed his cock and I blew him until he came. here, with Patrick and Bobby were the smaller cocks I spoke of earlier. It was nothing to me at this time to keep Bobby completely and entirely in my mouth until he shot. Then I went and snowballed Patrick.
Bill left. We spent some long time at the door. he said some wonderful things to me that I don't have to repeat now.
I sat back with some scotch and a cigarette. Bobby went up, Patrick sat by me. We fell asleep.