The book is in the mill and it should be ready in May. I do appreciate the interest you've expressed in supporting my work. I think you'll be happy with the development of the gay characters. I'll give you an exact date of release once I know for sure. I'll keep you updated on my website: www.writersrealm.net
In Skater's Time
For Aaron: Happy 17th Birthday Dude!
...And don't you dare read this until you're eighteen. This theme is too mature for your fragile young mind, or so they say, and who am I to argue with THEM?
Chapter 18 ...The Bottom of Things
Each time Paul and I seemed to be getting beyond our meager beginnings, it all seemed to come up again. I knew he liked me because he kept saying he did, but I was ready for more than words, and he seemed to be ready, and then he wasn't. I was ready to write him off as a lost cause, only I couldn't write him off because something kept drawing me to him. He wasn't like anyone I had ever known. He was unconventional and didn't care what other people thought, only he seemed to care about me in a way no one had ever cared about me and I liked how that made me feel.
When I kissed Paul, he pulled me into his arms. They were strong arms that made me feel like no one could hurt me as long as I was with him, and being hurt was often on my mind, because I knew there were guys who would hurt me. I wasn't worried about the lanky dude with the lip and his friends at the theater, because he was all mouth who let a testosterone rush override his feeble brain while trying to impress his friends with his immature display of manhood.
No, I was afraid of the guys who liked to hurt the people least like them, because that's what made their life worth living. These guys run in packs to protect themselves from anyone who might want to interfere. They pick victims who aren't strong enough to fight on their own. They like to target kids who aren't liked, because it assures no one will object too strenuously, and these bullies know that people are educated to steer clear of anyone different because they don't really deserve the same protection as people like them.
This was often on my mind at seventeen. I understood their were people who professed love for everyone but only if everyone was just like them. If you weren't just like them, then you shouldn't expect the protection and comfort of the group, which left you on the outside looking in, because no one was willing to admit they weren't like the group.
While I'd always been on the outside looking in, no one knew until now, and now I was being careless and letting others know about my difference. I could no longer hide what I was and what I felt and that exposed me to the pack and their brand of justice. What had happened at the theaters had only served to remind me of how dangerous it was to reveal the secret people hated you for keeping and then hated you even more when you revealed it.
I managed to escape notice until now because no one knew what I felt but me. I'd been lonely and needed friends in a strange place and I had let down my guard for the first time and exposed the truth about Z, a truth that could never set me free but it could get me hurt. I had taken the easy way out by hooking up with Dart and Gordo because of how they excited me or maybe just because they were available and they made me feel good. Mostly the guys that knew my secret had far too many secrets of their own to dwell on mine but word gets around when too many people find out and that had me worried.
There were two points in my favor. I would turn eighteen soon and that would create a certain illusion of control over my own life. I would also be out of high school soon and I could escape the petty minds that demanded conformity. These things made me feel better about my situation. There was one point that definitely went against me. I liked sucking cock.
I'd gone seventeen years without any affection coming from any source but from my family and there comes a time when that just doesn't do it for you any more. I watched boys and girls touching, holding hands, kissing, and more, but I had never been able to touch anyone with affection in mind. I'd matured early and I'd been having wet dreams since forever and I couldn't touch anyone and no one touched me if we weren't rough housing or engaged in sport and I felt really guilty about getting hard while I was engaged in such activity.
I had thought about going to that notorious park in Phoenix since I was twelve. I knew guys like me went there to meet each other but I was too scared because every time I heard about that park, it was a story about the police arresting guys for getting together there. I was't quite clear on why you went there, but I had gotten down there any number of times and fully intended to do whatever was expected just to be able to touch another guy.
Now I had touched other boys and I knew how you became a sexual addict. If I hadn't been such a coward I'd have been sucking off half the guys I knew once I found out how good it made me feel touching someone. I'd never felt so intense and so good about life as I felt when I was touching Dart or Gordo. So far, the only way I could touch a boy was to blow him or let him blow me, and now, with Paul, we were touching and touching and touching, but we weren't having sex, and it was driving me bonkers. Sex was on my mind constantly now and there was only one way to get it off.
Paul was the wildcard in my deck. I enjoyed being with him and the more I was with him the more I wanted to be with him, even when he did things that scared me. He refused to hide and I couldn't hide from him. My feelings were growing and I needed him to give me what I needed.
I was not brave and I didn't think I wanted to fight anyone about being gay. I wasn't sure why it troubled some people so much but, while it troubled me in a different way, it's who I was and if I didn't accept myself for who I was, then why should anyone else accept me?
It didn't seem fair that guys didn't have to fight over being straight, and besides, my being gay meant there were more women for them, so it just didn't figure why all the fuss because I wanted to love a guy. I knew there was a fuss and so I kept a low profile, and maybe it wasn't brave but I figured it was smart. When I was eighteen and out of school, I could stand up and be counted, but until then, I'd keep doing what I was doing and hope it continued to work, although I need it more and more and there didn't seem to be enough to go around.
"You think I'm a coward?" I asked, sipping iced tea and thinking about his bravado now that we were no longer making out.
"No, I think you're my Z man is what I think," Paul said.
"You know, earlier we were in there making out and the next think I knew we were at the fights. Then we came back and we danced and started making out and then we even got naked, and I figured we were on to something, and now we're out here drinking tea. What's going on Paul? It seems to me we're leaving something out. I'm starting to think you're playing games with me."
"No, there's no game, Z. If I was to fall in love with a guy, and I ain't sayin' I am, I'd fall in love with you. Then, once I did, fall in love, I'd want to be with him, or you in this case, but I'd have to know that he, you, wanted to be with me, and I'm not sure you do. Not with Dart or some other dick in Spandex hanging around you."
"Paul, I've never had anything to do with Dart except sucking him off. It's not like we know anything about each other except he knows I will and so he lets me."
"I've seen how you are with him, how you look at him, and I know you don't look at me that way. I've got a history and I'm not particularly proud of it; not that I'm ashamed of it either. I figure you need to have a history, and I don't so much mind that, only I don't want to be going with you while you're getting yours, and especially if you're going to keep having it with him."
"This isn't about him, Paul, and it isn't about your history, or my lack of it. I figure, if we don't get started making out own history, how will we ever know? If we like each other we should go ahead and seal the deal is what I think. What's going to happen is going to happen and we ought to get started making it happen."
"Yeah, I know, but I'm a coward about this. I want you, Z. I'm afraid if we do this that I'll fall hopelessly in love with you and what do I do if you don't fall in love with me? I've never been in love with anyone before. It's easy having sex. You just find a place that isn't too crowded and get to it. That's the easy part."
"That's what you keep saying but so far I haven't had any luck with it or you and it's time for you to put up or shut up."
"Sex is just a biological response. You're horny and you do it and it makes you feel great and then you either do it again or you pull up your pants and go home. It's not hard but when you become emotionally involved with someone, it stops being about getting off and going home and starts being about getting off and staying and not ever wanting to leave. There's a big risk when you want to stay."
"Life's a risk. You never know what's going to happen tomorrow. Besides, my biology clock is ticking here."
"Your what?" Paul asked, busting out laughing as he said it.
"My biology clock. I hear that all the time. My mother use to say it when she was wanting my father to come to bed... you know...."
"Woman have biological clocks, Z. They can't have kids after a certain time so their clock is ticking. You don't have to worry as long as it stands up."
"Oh, I thought it meant you were terminally horny, which I am if anyone's interested. I don't have any trouble with the standing up part, it's the getting soft that gives me all the trouble. I think you could help me if you'd stop drinking tea long enough."
Paul laughed, looking at the erection that still stood out of my dark pubes while I was standing out in the middle of the floor. When he stood up he was working on his own erection. He was a little more than half way there with the skin just starting to come off the cockhead.
He held my hand as he walked me to his bedroom and we kissed just outside the door. He put the music on again and we danced close, our erections rubbed, and he was feeling my legs and my ass as he leaned his chest against mine. He turned me around so my ass was on his cock and he slipped it up and down the crack as we did a rubbing, grinding dance that got me even harder. He held me around the chest and chewed my neck and ear, using his tongue in a most dazzling way.
I could feel myself getting slick back there as his cock made longer and longer incursions up my crack. He kissed my cheek and then we made out with him behind me, humping me in slow motion, pulling me back on his hard-on. It was obvious where we were going from here. I was too horny to object but I did have some doubt about the workability of his plan. He seemed to have no such doubts as he became more and more aggressive. I could ask him to be careful and risk another sojourn for tea, or lord knows what, or let him continue getting himself and me overheated.
Paul was concerned about a different kind of pain. Pain that builds and there is no way to relief it or to let it go. When I thought about the size of his dick, I was having some discomfort in my thoughts while considering what he could do to me with it. I'd have to trust him because there didn't seem to be a way to tell him no now that I had insisted we get on with it. He was only doing what I had asked and I was so damn horny I would do anything.
The dance continued with him behind me but when the music ran out he didn't put any more on. Instead he turned me around and started kissing me deeply and even more passionately. He was breathing heavy and his chest was pumping hard as he wrapped his muscular arms around me to hold me close.
He pulled my hand to his cock after some long kisses and he helped me wrap my fingers around it. Each time I skinned him back the tip was wet with sticky liquid and he would moan in my mouth as our tongues rubbed together. His hips ground into mine as I made every effort to swallow the tongue he kept feeding me.
My hips became just as agitated as his, and I was getting hotter by the hump. Now, both of our dicks were getting slick as I started leaking from the intense physical contact with his hot body. It was a new sensation and my cock was so swollen I was sure it would explode. My heart was a flutter and I felt like I might pass out from the passion that his kisses invoked.
"Hey, dude, I got to lie down or I'm going to pass out. Your kisses make me dizzy."
He said it as he pulled me onto the bed, shoving one finger up my ass as he drew me closer to him. All the fluid he put in my crack helped it slip right through with surprising ease. I was surprised there was no pain but then his kisses had distracted me and it was hard to worry about his finger when I was sucking that glorious tongue of his. The sensation from the intrusion had my dick feeling like it might burst open. He held my hand on his cock as he kept his finger up my butt. The more I pulled on his hard meat the wetter it got.
He maneuvered himself on top of me, all the time kissing me, using that finger in a most vigorous and stimulating way while he was grinding his hips against my hand, and he seemed as though he was determined to follow through this time. I didn't think either of us could stop. We had literally reached the point of no return. I'd never been so totally alive with passion.
Paul was awesome and he sure knew his way around a bed. I'd waited for almost eighteen years to get here and I was glad I made the trip.
It did alarm me when he added a second finger, for about a second, and then I became certain I would lose my mind if he put any more up there. Between holding his dick, sucking his tongue, and feeling his sweaty body grinding against mine at the same time he was stretching my hole, I wasn't sure which I liked more, but there wasn't a lot of time for thinking. There was way too much stimulation for me to process it all and so I went with it and him and drifted into some zone beyond joy and bliss that bordered on euphoria. I was sure I heard chimes and bells filling the room as we made love.
Paul was Great!
While I thought I had been thinking about getting off his fingers at one time, I found myself going the other way, grinding my ass down hard against them as I pulled on his enraged pulsing cock. Our bodies had raised the temperature in the room about twenty degrees as his kisses took me somewhere that I'd never been before.
Using both of my hands, I held his face against mine and went wild as our dicks rubbed and our discharge mixed with our sweat as we humped the night away. I suddenly became aware that I had found the promised land and all the dirty thoughts and wanton lust that had chased me through my dreams over the years all paled in comparison to ten minutes with Paul in his bed.
Whatever he had or whatever he knew was just what I needed right then. I couldn't have gone back if I tried and I wasn't trying. The further we went the further I wanted to go and Paul seemed to read my mind or he knew from experience that once you got someone going the way he had me going, there was no turning back. I somehow ended up with my feet sliding over his shoulders as his fingers pushed all the way inside. I was about to lose it when he put his mouth on mine again and I forgot what I was doing.
We kissed and churned and felt one another's bodies. I suddenly wanted that dick up my ass more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. I seized his cock and started to rub it against his hand and I let the fluid spread over my hole as his fingers disappeared. Now, he seemed reluctant as I tried to get my ass on his cock. He was panting and unable to get his mouth off mine but he refused to go in once his fingers came out and it took a minute to get his mouth off mine to explain.
"You're supposed to ask me if I'm covered, asshole," he gushed air as he panted the words.
"Are you covered?" I begged, thinking he wasn't going to fuck me after all this.
"Now, I am," he said, after fumbling with the table at the side of the bed for what seemed like hours.
Thank God!
"Fuck me," I ordered. "I want you inside me. Fuck me, Paul."
My hand held onto his cock as he pushed it against my hole. It seemed to break through much to easy but then he stopped again as I tried to get more of my ass on it. He was slow and careful and held himself up over me as he watched the easy entry. I wanted him to jam it in and fuck me hard but Paul did things in his own time and he took it easy.
I could imagine what an overstuffed turkey felt like as he continued his slide into me. Once his pubes were against my ass he let himself down on my mouth, kissing me every bit as lavishly as before. Once again I was on his tongue, sucking and kissing and forcing my ass against him. Soon he was humping away, first in short quick spurts, and then he hesitated and followed those with longer more complete strokes. My arms held his strong back so I could keep my ass firmly planted so his thrusts didn't dislodge me even when they became more insistent.
It was an amazing feeling and I wanted all of him inside me. I wanted him to pour out of himself through his cock and into me so that we were united heart and soul. There was no way to conceive the marvelous way we were together, part of one another. As I kissed him and he drove himself into me, there was no way I could hold back. It was like a raging river that finally broke free and gushed out onto my stomach between us. His body pressed hard against my body as spasms rolled through me and I lost all contact with reality. Then I felt him rise up for only a second but when he yanked off the rubber it made a sloppy sound as he let his spewing dick down on mine and more spasms hit me as he heaved and jerked on top of me. He rolled his hips against mine and jerked again and again until he fell silent on top of me in the sweat and the cum.
"Damn, I didn't think you'd ever cum. I was just barely holding on," he huffed and puffed out the words before laying his face on my chest as all his muscles relaxed.
"Thanks. You were great," he said in a way that told me I really was.
"I didn't do anything. You did all the work and yes, it was great."
"Really?" He asked, looking at my eyes with this huge grin on his face.
"Absolutely the greatest experience of my life," I cnfessed.
"You did it," he said, sounding giddy with delight. "You did it!"
"I didn't. Did I? What did I do?"
"You looked at me the way you look at Dart."
"I've never felt like this about anyone before," I said.
"Me either," Paul said, leaving his face resting on my chest as he stared into my face.
More of my Nifty Tales: http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/discoveringgregory/
http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-youth/billie-joes-journal/
email: quillswritersrealm@yahoo.com
website: www.writersrealm.net