In Skater's Time
Chapter 6 Head On
It was the next day that Gordo and I crossed paths or more precisely collided on the sidewalk as I was moving up the hill toward Grossmont. He was doing his usual imitation of a Kamikaze skateboard pilot, coming down the hill at break neck speed. I was propelling myself up the hill with as much zest as I could muster at nine on a sultry morning. I stopped standing fast in the middle of the sidewalk. He couldn't get past me, or so I thought.
I figured he was going to stop one way or the other but he seemed to make every effort to pick up even more speed once he saw me standing my ground. He got bigger and bigger and the thought occurred to me that I might want to get out of his way, but I didn't. As I watched him closing in on me there was no sign that he was going to slow down before our imminent meeting. I closed my eyes and turned my head so my teeth weren't directly in his way.
Five feet from me he kicked out of his dive bombing run and his board sailed up past my shoulder. Now he was on foot, hard charging straight at me at a pretty good clip. The collision I expected was averted when he wrapped his arm around my chest. This simple maneuver caused him to pivot around me one hundred and eighty degrees as he used my firmly planted body to absorb his hard charging momentum, pulling us both down onto the cool shady grass in a sprawl in the process.
"You got a death wish or what, Z? Didn't you see me coming?"
What a question after our eyes had been locked together for the last fifty feet of his suicide run.
"I saw you and you weren't going to avoid me this time. I've seen you twice in the last week and you went the other way. I thought we were friends."
"You got some cajones, dude. I fixed you up with Dart, didn't I?"
"Why did you tell him about us?" I asked sternly. "That's personal stuff. You don't tell other people."
"Us? You're way ahead of where you are, you know. I'm me. You're you. Dart's Dart. There ain't no us, kid."
"You know what I mean. You told him what we did?"
"Mostly I told him what I did. I can do that on account I done it, see."
His arm was still casually hung over my chest from when we fell, so I didn't want to upset the natural balance just then. He made no attempt to remove it from me and it felt good being touched that way. I liked being close to Gordo. It always led to something good once we got close together.
Dart had touched me some the night before. First his knee and then he rested his hands on my shoulders while giving me instruction. It was nothing like I thought it would be. I mean it was but it wasn't. There was the warmth and excitement of doing what I'd dreamed of doing for years. He rocked back and forth making noises I'd never heard and it all made me want to be better for him than I was. It was a glorious moment and Dart was in the middle of it.
It was like an educational experience when I looked back on it.
"Don't try to take so much all at once. Adjust to it at first. Watch your teeth now. Use your tongue some more. Oh yeah! Like that. Now take more. Yeah!... Teeth! Teeth! Teeth!"
Fuck, I'd have pulled them out if I knew they were going to be such a problem for him, but as big a problem as they were, it didn't deter him any once he got going good. There was a unmistakable tempo to the experience. At first it was a simple matter of getting me engaged properly. Then it became an easy determination on his part, followed by upheaval and storm. Then there was peace. It had been a pleasant peace because he kept me close while taking deep breaths and making every effort to calm himself. This took some time, almost as much time as it took to get him that way.
It was during the final stages that his strong scent came back to me again. How I missed it until then, I'm not sure, because it seemed to have some power over my brain. This time it had new dimensions and an element that drove me to a place I'd never been. I never once thought about myself during this process, but even so, I was in the eye of the storm at the same time he was, and I too was trying to calm down from a most intense deal.
It had been worth the wait.
"He did check you out then?" Gordo quizzed.
"Yes, and he knew what we'd done. He knew what I wanted to do to you. He wanted me to do it to him as soon as we got somewhere."
"I told him you hung out back. He was all hung up on his girlfriend. She was off three days in a row. You can't get him away from there when she's off work. I knew he'd get around to you. So what are you complaining about, dude?"
"I don't want everyone knowing. That's not something you tell people."
"Why do you want to complicate everything for yourself. I know guys like you. Dart's cool. I knew he'd help you out the way you needed. Why are you pissed off that I fixed you up with what you wanted?"
"You told him I was... I was...."
"He wouldn't come near you if I didn't give him something to go on. You think it's all about you? It's not, Z. You want something? You gots to give something up. Did you like it? Ain't he somethin'?"
"How do you know I did anything?"
"You just told me. Dart's cool, huh?"
"Yeah, he is."
"I can smell him on you."
"You can?" I asked, smelling myself.
"Yep!"
"I just don't want people to know, Gordo. He was fine. It was fine."
"A thank you would be fine. You have a way of neutralizing the amazing. Dart's amazing."
"I don't have much to go on but it was pretty awesome. It's just it scares me, Gordo. No one knew before. Now you and Dart both know."
"Dart was what you wanted and telling him got him interested. He likes newer guys anyway. You wanted someone to practice on. I made it happen. Both of you got what you wanted. What more could you ask for?"
"Going with you. We were doing fine without Dart."
"Guys are usually all a twitter after being with him. Boys a stud."
"I didn't say I didn't like him. That's not what I said."
"I hated to think of you being alone. I didn't want you getting mixed up with the wrong dudes. Dart's totally okay knowing what he knows."
"I wouldn't have been alone if you would quite running away from me. Were you going to stop if I hadn't stopped you."
"Hard to say. I go on instinct. I could ah and I couldn't ah. I don't plan too far ahead."
"It's easy being with you. I wish you were around more."
"Some days I don't mind that but mostly I want what I want. I can't get myself too schedulized. Ain't healthy."
"I like you, Gordo," I said.
"You don't know me. You like what I done for you is all. You like the idea of it. You like thinking about it but you don't like yourself, and I can't get wit dat."
"I like you. I like you touching me. Like now," I said. "I've never been touched like that, maybe last night."
"Where have you been, Z?"
"Phoenix."
"That must be like being on the moon?"
"Seems like," I said, letting both of my hands touch his arm where it wrapped around my chest. Cars passed twenty feet away, but I didn't care.
"Yeah, well, we all need hugs. I'm just making up for the lost days," he said, rolling onto his back and letting me go. "That'll hold you for a little while I figure."
I had to learn to keep my mouth shut when things were the way I wanted them. He had a curious look on his face as he looked up through the branches of the tall oaks at the small patches of blue sky.
"You live at home?"
"Of course," I said before remembering where he told me he lived. I wasn't sure I believed what he told me. He was always clean.
"Your mom cook you food?"
"Sure!" I answered. "All the time."
"Cool! Maybe you could invite me to dinner one day?" He said, getting to his knees. "How'd you like Dart. Really, I mean."
"I think Torpedo might be more accurate."
"Yeah!" Gordo laughed. "Boy's got a peter on him. I hope mine grows up like his."
"I don't want everyone to know, Gordo."
Once again I was more concerned with the feedback on my sexuality than I was with just being there with someone that I liked. I was still caught up in Phoenix where liking dicks could get you dead in a hurry. I was dying to be with someone, close, to be able to hold him and keep them close, but at the same time I didn't want anyone to know what I was.
"You got to be gay. Look! In the first place I wouldn't be giving you to no one I didn't trust, okay. You want what you want, Z. Why do you want to make it so you'll never get it? Dart's the man to see if you like doing what he likes getting done. What's the problem, dude? Most gay dudes'd give their right nut to be with a stud like Dart."
"I don't know. I don't know anybody. I don't want everyone thinking I'm queer right off. I got to go to school here, Gordo. I don't want to have to fight because I'm gay is all. I got one more year and I can do what I want."
He had a thoughtful look on his face as he rested his hands on his knees and looking down at my face. He extended his hand down, resting it on my chest as our eyes danced together. His were way blue, like big pretty gemstones against his light skin and almost white eyebrows. My brown eyes paled in comparison. I'd check them in the mirror once I got home that day. His were dazzling and mine were very plain.
"You're here now," he said softly.
"I don't know. Letting guys know what I like. Back in Phoenix it's dangerous if guys know. I heard of guys getting beat up. One they nearly killed. I don't want no one killing me if I can avoid it."
"You don't want to live your life? What kind of life is it going to be if you're playing pretend games so no one knows who Z is? How are you ever going to be happy, Z? This ain't Phoenix. You got a chance here."
He pushed his arm up under my already askew T-shirt. He put his warm hand flat on my hot flesh and he continued to look at me funny like.
"Your nice. You can get lots ah guys if you want. Guys what won't want anything but what you want. Why pretend you don't want it? Who loses then? I won't play that game. What you see is what you get."
"I don't know. I'm not as brave as you, Gordo. I've never done anything before this. Not that I didn't want to do stuff. I wanted to do lots of stuff. No one back home does that."
"Plenty do it. They just didn't know you'd did is all. You pretended so good you got nothing at all. That's what I'm a sayin', don't you hear. I'm trying to get you to loosen up. They do it everywhere, Z."
"You told Ace," I objected. "You warned me about him and then you told him about me."
"I never. He heard me talking about you is all. He drew his own picture because I said I like you. He thinks I do everybody I like. Ace'll think it no matter if he knows anything or not. That's the way he is."
"He talked like he knew," I said.
"He don't know nothin' you ain't told him. Guys see you with me are going to suspect somethings up. They know where I live. They know what I do to stay alive. Most think I'm queer anyway. I don't care about them. Ones I like, they don't care if I am or not. I don't live for them. I live for Gordo."
His hand thoroughly examined one side of my chest and then the other. He tweaked each nipple and smiled while he pinched one.
"Cut it out," I said, starting to giggle.
"Your lips say no no, but the bulge in your britches say, don't stop."
He laughed.
"Well, I always did think more with the little head. How can you be with guys and girls?" I asked seriously.
"What's that mean?"
"You told me about what you did with your girlfriend. I've seen you with guys. You've been with me. How can you do that?"
"I don't understand what you mean," he said baffled.
"I've never had any desire to be with one girl. Ever! Dart's got a girlfriend. He said it. You said it. He couldn't wait to get on him. I mean his hands were shaking he was so hot for it."
"Dart wants what he wants."
"He was like you that day we met. We left the lawn and went to get down to what he was after."
"Who was after what? Give me a break."
"That's not what I'm saying. I don't understand how you can be with chicks and dudes."
"I go with who I go with. I go with people I like. I go with people what like me. I like people what like me. It's a turn on. Some's guys some's chicks. What's the question anyway."
"Everything I heard and everything I read says you got to pick one or the other. Mostly dudes go with chicks. That's the norm."
"I don't know about that. I pick what I like. Who makes that stuff up?"
"I don't know," I said. "It's scientific."
"Yeah, right, scientific as in saying what they want you to be believing. I don't know none of that stuff and I don't read books. Books make my head hurt."
"You have to learn somehow?"
"Like you learned? Only one guy knows what you like. You don't tell anyone they ain't gonna know and you're going to be lonely as hell all your life."
"It still scares me."
"I don't need no one to tell me what makes my dick hard. I'll figure it out on my own, thank you. You go ahead and complicate if you want."
"I'm not as brave as you."
"Z, you're playing some kind of game with yourself. Face up to what you are and what you like or you'll end up alone and alone ain't cool."
"I am alone."
"Thanks a lot. Here I'm trying to be a friend and you think you're alone. Boy you know how to make a guy feel important," he said, running his hand from up under my shirt to down deep in my shorts. The swift move made me gasp. His fingers were cool.
"Your lips say no, no, but your dick says you like little boys, little boy. Scientifically speaking of course."
"Thanks for the news flash."
"Lighten up, Z. You got all you need to be happy. Be happy," he said, taking advantage of my excitement.
"There's cars coming past, Gordo," I said, watching where his arm went into my clothes and wincing when e squeezed.
"They got to find their own boyfriend," he said, bending his face close to mine.
"It made me feel dirty," I confessed.
"You're so silly. What?"
"What I did to Dart. I liked it and all. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I didn't."
"Good! I got the evidence right here says that would be a lie."
"It's just that I liked it way too much. Like what you're doing. I can't stop myself and I know what people say about boys like me."
"None of us ain't nice boys whenever it comes down to getting it. We all get it where we can. Some of us just need it more than others is all. Ain't no good or bad about it. Ain't no crime in fellin' your feelin's."
"What makes you so fucking smart," I argued the young boy. "Now you got me feeling better about all this."
"The street. You learn exactly how the world works once you're out here. First thing you learn about is people. Who'll screw you and who won't, or you gonna tell me they got a law against that now?"
"Thanks, Gordo," I said, and I smiled at his droopy face.
"Well, I'm sorry if I helped. It wasn't my intention to ruin that great depression you was working on."
"Why Dart? I like you. We were doing fine."
"Nah, I'm no good for you. I got places to go and people to do. You're way too serious for that. You'll try to save me from myself, and I can't deal with that."
"Why don't you get off the street?" I asked.
"See, there you go. That's bogus. You don't know anything about anything," he said, standing up and going to get his board. "Besides, I was on my way to a friends house. Come on. We can talk."
"I already met Pat," I said. "I don't need to know any more of your friends like that."
"No, Brian is cool. Come on. You can skate with me and if you don't like him, you leave. He's a pussy cat."
He knocked at the door of the apartment as I stood to one side, figuring I'd check things out before following him in. This huge blond dude answered the door. He had to be eight feet tall and his shoulders were like filling up the fucking doorway.
"Hey, Bry," Gordo said, pushing his way in under the guys right arm as he studied me, looking up and down the stoop to see how many more of us there were lined up out here for service. "You comin' in kid? Don't want the neighbors thinking I'm running a boys home."
I was going in the apartment before I even thought about it. I sat next to Gordo on the couch and remembered Pat's place, only this apartment was neat and clean. The sun shinned in through the window in the dinning room and everything sparkled.
"Who's your friend," the guy's deep voice demanded.
"Oh, Z, Brian. Brian, Z. He's cool," he said for both of us.
"Where'd you find this refugee?" Brian said, speaking to me.
"Oh, around, I guess. Up the mall."
"I told you about Z," Gordo followed.
"Shit!" I said quietly to myself, wondering how much this one knew.
"Yeah, Phoenix. New kid," he said, considering me. "...Be careful of this one. He'll steal your eyeteeth if you aren't careful," Brian said to me, sitting tall and looking very very big while he filled his Lazyboy chair.
"I don't steal," Gordo protested vehemently. "Don't say I steal."
"Yeah, right. What do you call it?"
"I need twenty," Gordo said, dismissing the question.
I started thinking of excuses for why I suddenly had to get out of there.
"I gave you twenty last week and you haven't done what you said you'd do," Brian argued.
"I told you I would and I will," Gordo said firmly. "I need a shower. We're going out and I smell something fierce."
"He doesn't steal," Brian said to me. "Taking money under false pretenses is thievery. That's stealing." While he spoke he reached for his wallet and tossed a twenty-dollar-bill into the air. It floated down landing near Gordo's sneakers. "Saturday. No excuses this time. You didn't pay up last time. That's two you owe me. I'm off Saturday if that's okay."
"It's good. I told you I was tied up last time. It's not like I'm doing drugs. I got to eat. You'll get your money's worth. Have I ever let you down? Shower?"
"Go ahead. The clothes you left are clean and folded up next to the towels if you want. Leave those and I'll take care of them when I do luandry."
"Cool! You didn't put my Spandex in the dryer?" Gordo said, rounding the corner and disappearing beyond the dinning room.
"No! It only takes me once for me to learn. I hung them on the shower rod until they dried," the big man yelled after Gordo.
I had a hard time believing he was talking laundry with Gordo. Brian sat silently and I also couldn't see him doing what Pat did to Gordo. It just didn't fit. I wasn't sure what they did but I didn't want to know.
He was neatly dressed in a button up shirt and denim jeans. He was clean, clean shaven, and he appeared to be a regular guy. The apartment certainly verified this. At least I wouldn't need to watch. I'd avoid going with Gordo Saturday.
We skated away from Brian's at the same speed we had skated away from Pat's. This time there was less traffic and he hardly ever nearly got run over. I didn't try to keep up. If he wanted to stick together it would be up to him. He was waiting down about three blocks, holding his board and shaking his head as he saw me skating casually up.
"You got another speed?" He asked. "How do you ever get anywhere?"
"Nope! You got another one?"
"Let's eat," he said.
"You can't afford to blow it all on fast food," I said.
"Sure I can. I'm hungry. You're hungry. All God's children gots to eat. Let's eat. I got this here fresh twenty dollar bill just dying to get broke up into little bills."
"How many buys like that do you know?" I asked.
"Like Brian. None thank heavens. He's a pain in my ass."
"Literally," I said apprehensive of what they did together.
"That all that's ever on your mind? Brian's one of a kind. Most guys are more demanding. I mean put up or shut up, you know. Brian don't play dat."
"That guy could seriously hurt you," I said. "He's a giant."
"Yeah, well you haven't seen him naked yet but it's a good reason for you to stay away from there. You want something like that you go to Pat. That's why I showed you him. Brian ain't like that. I knew he'd give me money for breakfast. That's why I went up. I'll have to appease him Saturday. He's given up money twice and got nothing for it. You can't do business like that for long."
"How many guys do you know?"
"Hard to say. Lots. They're always picking me up. Macky D's or Taco Bell, or you want something else? We could do Chinese. That place opens at ten."
"It's your money," I said.
We ended up at Taco Bell and he got a box of twelve Tacos that were on sale. He bought us two Cokes and he got tons of hot sauce, pouring two packets on each of the six tacos he ate. I didn't want to eat six but he refused to touch another after he got to number six. He said he'd give them to the dogs if I didn't eat them, so I did on protest. I didn't want to eat his food but it was hard to say no to Gordo.
I was only on my third when he was downing his last one, and he sat patiently and watched me eat. He even talked me into hot sauce after three and it wasn't as bad as I thought. It added a nice tangy tomato like flavor to them. I'd never go without it again.
I didn't want to argue with him about anything because I wanted to stay with him as long as he would let me. It was cool with Dart, but once he was done, we were done, and he took off. I went home and I was still alone, although for a half an hour I was less alone than I had ever been. It also left me hyper horny any time I thought about giving someone what they wanted.
It was like nothing else but it was also the best yet. Anything I did involving sex seemed way better than anything I had done. Until Dart there was only Gordo to go on. With Dart it was something like I imagined eating the forbidden fruit might be like, literally from Dart's point of view, but it was merely a matter of technique and adjustment for me and a matter of instruction and perseverance for him. Once I got used to having a polish sausage in my mouth for half an hour, it was a piece of cake, literally from my point of view.
Since arriving in the land of Fruit & Nuts, and I was beginning to think everyone was one or the other, I had made discoveries that went beyond anything I had ever fantasized.
"Come on," Gordo said, jumping up and getting on his board, slamming the trash into the trashcan as he whisked past and out through the driveway entrance. Just at that instant a car was pulling in and he slammed on his brakes, and a car behind him slammed on his, and one further up the street locked his up as the backup stalled in the road. Gordo was nowhere in sight by the time the cars all got into the parking lot.
I skated in the direction he went in and hoped we weren't done with each other for another week. Sure enough, three blocks up the street, he was standing sideways, one foot on his board, shaking his head, and watching me skate up.
"Maybe I'll get you a turbo charger for that dog. You need a better board, Z, if you're going to hang with me. I got a guy I know. He'll get you a real board," Gordo said, kicking at my strut.
"No way. I ain't doing that shit with old guys and I don't charge money if I did do it with them," I said.
"Pretty fucking judgmental now aren't we? We do think we know it all now don't we? There are people that don't trade on my dick. He happens to own a skate shop, asshole. He gets in defective boards that he can't sell. He lets me have one now and then if I ask him nice and if mine's looking shabby. I go up on that thing and he'll want to do business quick," he said. "I sweep his floors and run errands for him. It's one of my jobs."
"I don't want you doing that kind of stuff. I wouldn't take the food if you didn't force me. It isn't right, Gordo. It makes me feel like shit taking food out of your mouth."
"Well, you ain't took nothin' yet. Nothin' I didn't want you to have. So what's the deal? Why are you such a hard case? Get off my ass why don't you?"
"You live in a ditch somewhere. I couldn't find you if I wanted, and I've wanted to plenty. You got to do stuff to old guys to get money to eat, and then you feed me and you ask me why I'm a hard case? It's not right. I wouldn't do it for you. I wouldn't do that for anybody."
"Maybe you don't like me as much as I like you. You think I feed everybody I know? Besides, I'll do it whether I'm with you or not. I been doin' it forever. No big deal except the one you make of it. Go with the flow dude."
"I like you plenty. Don't say I don't like you every bit as much as you like me. I'm not the one that gets lost and runs away."
"You wouldn't understand. You don't want to get mixed up with me. I'm doing you a favor not being around you too much."
"I'm already mixed up with you. Mostly mixed up. Like you said, I know what I feel. Do you know what you feel?"
"You think I give Dart to everyone? He's the coolest dude I know. I give him to you 'cause that's how much I like you. I knew when I saw you we'd end up getting too close for comfort. You got something, Z. Most guys ain't got what you got."
"I'd rather be with you than him," I said.
"Yeah, but I got business and stuff. You don't like that part of it. I can't let you get me down on myself on account I got to do what I got to do. You'll bust my balls about it. I don't need that shit. It's hard enough out here. Come on, we're not talking about this again."
"I worry about you," I said, and he stopped short once he started into the street and he turned to look at me.
"Well, quit. I'm a big boy and I been doing it on my own before you ever showed up. So just leave it alone."
"I'll try."
"Come on," he said again, reassuring me.
This time he skated slow enough for me to keep up. We turned down the first street we came to, and then he grabbed his board and started up the grassy hill once we had skated half way down the block. I followed him into the woods.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Up a ways. I'll show you."
I stayed right behind him as branches swung back in my face and he crunched through the heavy bed of leaves as he wove his way through the trees.
"Here it is," he said.
There were several large pieces of cardboard and more leaves piled high. He tossed down his board and pulled off his shoes and socks, lying back and looking up at me.
"I need to crash awhile. You look tired," he said, pulling off his shirt and peeling the Spandex off his body and neatly folding them up and placing them on his shoes. "Man nothing like getting naked in the woods, you know. Get comfortable."
He looked larger out of his clothes. All that material grabbing him in each crack and crevice making him look too thin. He looked better without all the gear. His skin was delicately white and his nipples were pale pink. When I lay next to him he wrapped his arms around me, adjusting his body to mine.
"Yes, I've been waiting for this," he said.
"You're so soft."
"Not everywhere," he said.
I wanted to undress but he wrapped himself around me in a way that made that impossible. He didn't seem to mind my clothes. He humped against me as he adjusted himself to me, molding his body to mine. He ran both his hands up under my shirt and he held me close. After just a few minutes he started to loosen his grip and his breathing became soft and even.
I'd never been held that way before. Being in someone's arms, having him in mine, was the best yet.
Writersrealmmm@aol.com