In Synchronicity, Part 4
It's me again, Will. And heeeere's Chapter 4, I've decided to post early coz I'm excited at the response I'm getting. Thanks for your very very kind letters.
I just realised something. Why am I writing about Justin when there's JOSHUA CHASEZ in the band?! Okay from now on, change all Justin's into Joshua's. No? Darn. Ah well, I'll just have to write another one for my Joshy. Make it all the better, then.
For any newcomers, in case you haven't noticed, it's a serious, Justin-only story with sex thrown in for effects only. And this Justin isn't gonna cry at the drop of a hat. There are other great stories in the archive if you that happens to rock your boat. And if you don't agree with me, or if you do, then write me, Will, at whang80@hotmail.com
What other great stories? check out Model Romance by Zack; Chances Are and Hide in Plain Sight and the one-shot, totally erotic Private Show by Red; Dara Lynn's Any Path/No Painless Way and her wonderful Interludes. And so many others! Most of these are along the lines of Justin/JC romance. Feel free to write to me if you have any suggestions for other good stories too!
Oops almost forgot the DISCLAIMER: 'N Sync own themselves, and I don't mean to cast aspersions upon their sexual preference, this is just a work of fiction. And if you're a minor, go away. Or at least, don't get caught:)
IN SYNCHRONICITY, Part 4.
As the weeks passed, so the date for 'N Sync's world tour drew near. The day before Justin was to leave, Joel met up with Kate for lunch.
"Do you think this is too much?" he asked Kate thoughtfully over pasta, dangling a tiny, exquisitely-wrought cross on a silver chain in front of her. Kate cooed in appreciation.
"Ooh I think it's just lovely. He's gonna love it. I certainly do. How much is the damage?" she asked, taking a sip of the basil soup.
He told her. She choked on her soup. Spluttering, she looked longingly at the pendant. "In that case, he'd better appreciate it. No, I'm fine thanks," she looked up appreciatively at the cute waiter who had seen her having trouble. Guys always flung themselves at Kate. Not that she was stunning or anything, although she was attractive in her own way. Joel always thought it was her poise, her confidence, and of course, her cleavage. Big boobs inevitably helped. If you've got it, flaunt it, she always maintained.
None of this was in Joel's mind, though. He was still looking glumly at the trinket. Kate noticed this, and laid a hand warmly on his.
"What's wrong?"
"He lifted his eyes to meet hers. "Today's the day, Kate. Tonight, I'm going to tell Justin how I feel for him, once and for all."
She said nothing, merely squeezing his hand in support. "Whatever you choose to do, and whatever happens, you know I'll always be behind you 100%."
"Thanks. That means so much to me. He's busy the whole day through until after dinner, then he's coming to my place. I guess it'll be then."
After they'd hugged and parted, Joel drove back to his condo, deep in thought.. Despite his decision, he still wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. More to the point, he was deathly afraid of losing the friendship they'd built up all these months, especially these few weeks.
Am I doing this for my own selfish desires, or because it's the right thing to be done? Fingering the case containing Justin's gift, he let himself into his place.
"Oh yeah...," Joel froze. The strange moan had come from his guest room. As he turned towards it, more sounds of unmistakable ecstasy emerged from it's half-closed doors.
"That's right, that's it! That's the spot! Oh god, Justin!" Joel nearly collapsed. Had he heard right? Was someone saying Justin's name?! He inched closer to the door, his mind going blank.
"Yeah, feels good doesn't it?" it was Justin's voice, harshened by need. Moments later, Joel saw it all--the rumpled bed sheets, the naked, intertwined figures. Justin. His Justin. With another man. The jewel case dropped from his nerveless fingers with an audible clatter.
Joel didn't wait for their reaction. Eyes brimming with tears, he fled as quickly as he could, his only thought was to get away as far as possible from them. He stumbled blindly on, running until he found himself at his car. Fumbling for his keys, he let himself in. Then the tears came in torrents. Not only for what had happened before his eyes, but also for months of frustration, of pent-up sorrow, of futility, of love unrequited. He clutched his knees to his chin and rocked back and forth as great, wracking sobs heaved from his body.
He finally understood now. How stupid, how foolish, how simple-minded he had been, to actually think that Justin Timberlake would actually be interested, would actually want to be more than friends with him--an orphan, a mere student, a nobody. Was he really that arrogant to think that he was special to the pop star just because he let himself be fucked ten ways to Sunday? Or that Justin would finally reciprocate his feelings if only Joel loved him long and hard enough, as he had done? Each progressive thought only served to shred his dignity and shatter his sanity. There was no need to mention his broken heart. It had already been ripped from his chest the moment he saw them together.
Justin did not know nor care how long he sat in his car. The tears finally ran out after a while, but still he sat there thinking, feeling, holding his knees so tightly until his muscles ached. Dully, he made up his mind. To be the friend to Justin that he should always have been. No more sex, no more intimacy, he vowed. It had to be, for his own sake. It's time to look out for myself, he thought sadly.
He looked at his watch. It was already dark outside, almost time for them to meet. Since it was Justin's last night in Orlando, he would not be spending it at Joel's place, although he'd promised the older man a wild last session. Not gonna happen, thought Joel grimly as he headed upstairs.
In his rooms, he looked around, seeing that everything was back to normal. There was barely any hint at all that there had been some torrid sex only hours before. But the jewel case was missing. Joel was past caring for that, so he went into the bathroom to freshen up--he looked absolutely devastated, which he was. By the time he finished, his eyes felt sore from the crying, but outwardly he looked fine. Which was just the way he wanted it.
The bell rang just as he stepped out. He took a deep breath, and looked at himself in the hallway mirror one last time. It has to be done. I've been foolish long enough, he told himself silently. He put on a big grin before opening the door, hoping that it was not too contrived.
Justin, of course, was as resplendent as ever, his golden-brown curls perfectly coiffured, every stitch of clothing on him serving only to accentuate his lean, muscular figure--a dancer's body. Joel's smile wavered as he experienced a wild flash of another's hands roving over the very same body, in his mind.
"Come on in," he said quickly, standing aside. Justin hesitated a bit, Only now did Joel see the case in his hands.
"Joel, I think we need to talk about--" Joel merely grabbed his arm and dragged him in.
"Oh just get in here. And make yourself comfortable." He went into the kitchen as Justin removed his jacket and sat himself on the love seat. Joel returned with a bottle of red wine and glasses.
Justin waited until he poured the wine out before saying, "I know you were here this afternoon, and that you--probably saw me with Patrick."
Is that his name? Death to Patrick! he thought grimly in his mind, but only gave Justin an encouraging smile.
"He's...someone I've been working rather closely with at the Foundation."
I can see that! You were working so close you could touch his tonsils with your tongue, right? Smile, nod.
"I was attracted to him from the start..."
Indeed? And did you give him a discreet autograph inviting him to lunch as well? Maybe you skipped lunch altogether. Give understanding look.
"...and I guess, everything just sort of happened real fast. I know I shouldn't have used your place, but he stays with his brother who doesn't know about him, and I have my family--"
Well, maybe you should've thought of that before you decided to christen my new sheets with a cum shower! Joel's mind screamed. He took a deep breath to get hold of himself.
Justin misinterpreted that as Joel about to give him a tongue-lashing, and said hurriedly, "All I could think of in that state of mind was your place--"
"Justin," Joel interrupted calmly.
"--honestly, I never expected you to walk in like that, I thought you were at--"
"Justin, he said firmly.
"--classes, oh god, I'm so, so sorry..."
"Justin! Listen to me!" Joel fairly screamed. Justin shut up and looked at him. Joel shook his head and moved closer to Justin on the love seat. He took Justin's hand and looked into the young man's troubled blue eyes.
"You don't have to explain anything. You wanted to have him, so you did. You deserve to have your...satisfaction anywhere you get it. I'm glad I could help you, even if I didn't know it. And you're free to use my place anytime you want." Oh you're so amazing, Joel! That's right, keep that straight face, don't keel over and die now like you want to.
Justin was quiet, though, and his face still showed doubt. "I guess, I'm--I guess I just want to know how you feel about me having...sex...with others. With him," he added quickly, seeing Joel's eyes widen. "There have been no others."
"God, Just. We had an understanding long ago, remember?" Joel looked away, picking up the wine glass. His next words were about to break his heart--but wait, isn't it already broken? "You're not exclusively mine or anything like that. We were just f-fooling around. Weren't we. Satisfying...each other's needs," he took a big gulp and hurriedly set the wine down so that Justin wouldn't see his hand trembling violently.
"Yeah. You're right, I guess," Justin replied softly. He pulled Joel into a tight embrace. "I'm so glad to have someone as understanding as you to be my friend." Joel hugged him tighter, fighting tears even as he felt like dying inside.
Joel released the blond musician. Justin pushed the jewel case to Joel. "Oh yeah, you dropped this on your way out."
"Take it. It's yours. I heard what happened to your last one," Joel said nonchalantly.
Justin frowned as he opened the catch. "My last what? I haven't seen what's inside--oh," he gasped as he saw what lay on the velvet. He took out the chain and the cross, caressing it almost reverently. "Jojo, it's perfect! I've been meaning to get one to replace the one I lost but I never got around to it. This is so perfect!" he handed it to a pleased Joel and turned around, fully expecting Joel to put it on for him.
He's so adorable, like a kid when something nice happens to him, thought Joel fondly. Seeing Justin's happy reaction somewhat took the edge off his shitty feelings. He fastened it for Justin.
Justin promptly slipped it under his shirt, next to his skin.
"So that it's near my heart, where I'll think of you," he grinned. Joel nodded wordlessly and reached for the wine glass again. And here return the shitty feelings, he noted bitterly.
"Seriously, I can't thank you enough, Joel. You really didn't have to. It's perfect!"
"Yeah, yeah, I think you need to work on your vocabulary now. Maybe you're right, you don't deserve it!" Joel made a mock lunge at Justin to take it back. Justin laughed and blocked his attempts, then held Joel by the wrists. Their faces were very near each others' when Joel looked up and saw a familiar hunger in Justin's look. He's gonna kiss me, he realised with some surprise.
Just as Justin bent his head, Joel pulled away, ostensibly to reach for his drink once more.
"Justin, you barely touched your wine," he chided with forced lightness. He saw disappointment flicker momentarily over Justin's perfect features before it was gone.
"And I see that you're going at it with gusto." Nevertheless, he reached for his glass. "Anyway, I had wine during dinner just now," he said, taking a sip. This Justin was quite different from the one he bumped into at Tower's two years ago. For one thing, he could handle a lot more alcohol now.
"Let's just talk tonight, Justin," Joel suggested. "I feel like just...yakking."
Surprisingly, Justin nodded. "Sure thing. I can't remember the last time we really just...you know, talked."
"Gosh. Yeah. Either we didn't have much time or we just ended up--well," Joel blushed at the thought. Justin merely guffawed at his reaction.
The conversation picked up smoothly from there, a real conversation, between two real friends. Mostly Justin talked about his experiences on his tour, famous names he'd met and interacted from the music, movie or fashion world, names Joel only read of in the papers or heard about in the news. And best of all--they gushed or fought over whom they each thought was hot, and who wasn't.
Like normal friends. Like any normal gay friends, observed Joel satisfactorily as the hours passed by. When Justin had to leave--a little reluctantly, Joel thought, he lingered before the door, his eyes questioning. Joel waited, almost in fear of what the blond singer might have to say.
"Joel, I--," he paused, seemingly to rethink, then continued. "Thanks for the cross. I'll always treasure it," he finished. Joel exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"Don't mention it. It had your name written all over it at the store."
Another awkward pause ensued. Joel knew that this would usually be where Justin would kiss him tenderly, or hold his hand, or do any number of little, meaningful things to show that he was 'in the mood'. His heart heavy, but firmly set, he decided to head it off immediately.
"So don't forget to give me a call once you've reached home," he said brightly. Justin blinked in confusion.
"Wh-what? Home?"
"Yeah, where you stay remember? With your mom and your brothers," Joel stressed his family deliberately. "You've had quite a lot to drink tonight, so just head right home and give my cellphone two rings to let me know that you've arrived safely," Joel opened the door as he talked, not looking at Justin. He couldn't bear to see the confusion and hurt in his face.
"I guess I will," Justin said softly. "But--"
Joel rolled right over him. "Or else I might have to call Lynn you know," his laugh sounded false and tinny to his own ears, but he was beyond caring. It did the trick, though. With a firm set to his lips, Justin put on his coat and headed out of the door.
"Bye J. You take care while I'm away, okay? And one more thing--" he turned around, his face unreadable. "--Patrick and me, it's just a one-off thing. I told him about my stance on relationships and he just blew up and left. We're through. I just wanted you to know, that's all. Bye." he stalked off towards the elevators.
Joel stood there silently, watching his retreating back. With all his heart he wanted to chase after his idol, to beg him to stay, to plead for him to accept his heart and his love. His eyes brimming with tears, Joel closed the door and sank brokenly to the floor, putting his forehead on the cool panels of the wooden door.
Then grief took over. Dammit it wasn't supposed to be this way, he thought bitterly. I was supposed to give him the cross and tell him that I love him and I'd gladly die for him. We were supposed to be making love by now. Not having sex, anymore, but making love! he cried silently to the uncaring walls.
Slowly, he reached for his phone and called Kate. She answered immediately.
"Jojo? How'd it go?" he could only answer with a choked sob. "Oh god, why are you crying?" her concern only served to make him sob harder.
"I-I need you, Kate. Could you--?" lost in his grief, he couldn't speak properly.
"I'll be there, J. Hang in there, baby," she hung up.
Joel just sat there, his back to the door, tears running down his cheeks. unchecked. When he heard the doorbell, it was as if from a distance. Slowly, mechanically, he stood and opened the door, and suddenly there was Kate. He was in her arms and her face was pressed to his and she was crying too and then he knew everything would be alright. Not tonight, not next week, perhaps, but someday.
Yeah baby! The first mini-climax is now over! How did you like it, people? There'll be more to come, rest assured, the story is far from over!! Part 5 is already written, but it's almost exclusively Joel, it's crucial to the development of the storyline, so bear with me.
As always, questions, comments, bouquets and brickbats can be directed to me at whang80@hotmail.com All correspondence entertained!