In the Still of the Night

We lay on our backs for a while and didn't say anything. I enjoyed being so close to him. The way his chest rose and fell, his hand stroking my hair. Picture perfect. But I had a question and it was burning a hole in my head.

'So, tell me about Calvin.'

There was sigh that sounded almost nostalgic. 'Yeah, Calvin.' I felt he needed to make up his mind whether or not to include me in his past. Knowing Thom as a very open person, this had me outrageously intrigued.

Another deep sigh. 'He told you a lot already, right?'

'Yeah, the tales were glorious and many.'

'Then tell me what you think.'

'About what?'

'What do you think it is I'm going to tell you about me and Calvin.'

I was surprised and had to gather my thoughts. It was easy to make assumptions in your head. But testing them to the truth is another matter.

'I think that...well it's a step in the dark really but...'

'Come on, out with it.'

'From what I've heard from him and read from your behaviour, I'd had to guess you were more than friends. Back then.'

'That's a little vague.'

'Fill me in then.'

'Oh please, if you want to know, you'll have to go fish.' He laughed.

I flipped over and looked him in the eyes. He was somewhat taken aback.

'You and Calvin did some stuff together. It started out as friends but it became more than that.' I said trailing on my last words and gauging his reaction.

'Right again, but still a bit vague.'

'One of you backed out.'

No response to this one.

'And it wasn't you.' Bingo.

'No, it wasn't.' he said softly, his eyes glazing over.

'Your turn.'

'I've never told anyone about this. Ever.'

'If you don't want to...'

'No, it's fine. I'll have to sometime.' He paused. 'Like he told you, we were close. Really really close. Cal and me, we did everything together. I guess we're not the only ones, but we started masturbating together. You know how that goes with guys. But when we were seventeen we went a bit further. A lot further actually. By the end of our sophomore year Cal and I did what we just did.' He paused and looked for my reaction. 'Not all that often, but often enough. Anyway, you guessed right. I fell in love with him. Or rather, I acknowledged that I had been for a long time. Calvin could, still can, read me like a book. He asked what had changed and I confessed my love.' Thom smiled sadly and scratched me behind my ear. 'He was really sweet about it, but turned me down. He liked the sex, but that was it. We didn't do anything after that. And for over a year, I was lovesick. Broken hearted. You should've seen it, so sad.'

'I'm sorry.'

Thom laughed and looked at me. 'Don't be. That's just the way things go.'

'So, you're still friends right?'

'We are.'

'But you never...'

'Yeah, we did. Last year, we slept together a few times. He's my first love; you never really get over them. But it was okay, it was just fun. And in the morning, we parted as friends.'

'Sounds ideal to me.'

'It was. But not enough.'

I mulled this over. Thom seemed okay about this business. I know I would never ever reveal something that painful. I was too afraid to get hurt to scratch open old wounds. So maybe it wasn't painful. Anymore.

'What are you thinking?'

'Are you still in love with him?' I asked, and wished I hadn't.

Thom smiled slightly and reached for his pack of cigarettes.

'I gave up on him a while ago.'

'That's not an answer.'

'I got over him.' He lit his cigarette and took a thoughtful drag. 'But I think I'm a bit in love with all of my friends. Good ones, that is. Aren't you?'

'Never thought of it that way.'

'Maybe you should.'

'I'm kind of falling in love with you though.' I smiled.

'Well, you're nice enough.' He replied offhandedly.

'Fuck you.' I growled and jumped on top of him.

As expected it turned out to be a busy week. The varsity crew trained practically all day and every day for the regatta. Both the coaches had their hands full and we were left to our own devices. Well, not exactly. They had drawn up an intense training schedule for the juniors to follow. It was made to fit around our classes, but left little time for any other activities. I think I got to know my teammates better in that week than ever after. Which was great, because we hadn't really bonded. In between classes and training, which had been quite solitary up till now, there had been an occasional drink. But that was all. I had seen Louis a few times, we shared some classes, but the rest of the team was pretty new to me. Turns out, they were decent enough. Some a bit too spoiled for my taste. No correct that. I had no issue with spoiled. After all, I couldn't deny I was too. But it did bother me they seemed to lack perspective. On the world and especially their position in it. No one forced me to be their best friend though and I befriended them like they did me. But I left it at athletic comraderie. Two guys really stood out though. Louis, who possessed an exceptional balance of spontaneity and insight. And Beau. His full name was Beaudoin DieudonnŽ Fresnel. He was special in many ways. First of all, he was French. Sent over to the States to get a business degree and some contacts for the family, I presumed. But more than that, he was black. There were no American coloureds at our school. Hardly anyone of ethnic descent, actually. Beau was the oldest son to a well to do family in France. They had come over from the Ivory Coast Colony and made a name for themselves selling fabric. He was shy at first sight. Not prone to join a conversation unless he was invited. It irritated me at first. He gave a very docile impression and his kind smiles were almost too docile. But after one of our workouts Louis asked both of us to join him for a drink and I was glad to admit I'd been wrong. In smaller company Beau was actually very swift of tongue and not at all a push over. He explained me his shyness came as a natural response to what he called, 'a white colonialist attitude'. I swallowed hard when he threw that term in the conversation.

'I can say from experience that Caucasians,' he bared his teeth in a swift grin, 'know only two concepts concerning Africans. We are either slaves or the so-called sauvages nobles. I would probably fall under the latter.'

I wasn't sure what to say to that. Was there anything I could say?

'If it wasn't for my suit and knowledge of French literature the professors would ask me to shine their shoes.'

'I would like to take you serious but your accent, Beau, just makes me want to pinch your cheek.' Louis joked and smiled broadly.

Beau could take a joke and laughed. 'Laugh it away all you want, but the way things are going in your country...better hold on to your britches.' He said more seriously.

I couldn't help it but "britches" has an incredibly humorous effect when pronounced by a Frenchman. I laughed again but was stopped short when Beau threw an ace on the table.

'So how is Thomas?'

'Uhm fine I guess. Why do you ask me?'

'You spend a lot of time together training. I thought you would know how he was building up to the race.' He replied innocently. A twinkle in his eye and a certain curl of his lips told me he had quite a hand though. Being the card player I was I downplayed it and nonchalantly dismissed his remark. Louis didn't have a clue what was going on, and honestly I wasn't sure myself. But all during the night I could swear Beau was throwing me subtle hints. I tried to dodge the blows with wavering success.

The next night the Varsity crew left for Boston. Thom could only spare a few minutes to make out in his room while he packed some stuff. He left for Boston, again. And I was left with a boner like nobody's business. Luckily I wore loose fitting pants and was able to walk out of Duquesne Hall with my dignity intact.

It was getting chilly out, so I briskly walked back to my room. Edward was there, all donned out, putting the last hand to his perfectly slicked hair.

'Don't you look nice tonight?'

'Glad you noticed.' He replied without taking his eyes off the mirror. 'By the way, you reek. Take a shower.'

'Yes, dear. So what's the occasion? We going somewhere?'

'WE aren't. I am invited for dinner at Professor Chapman's house.'

'Oh.' I said, crestfallen. I had counted on Edward to join me for dinner or drinks or...well something.

'What's the matter? Isn't Captain Crew available to occupy your time?'

'Nope. On his way to Boston.'

'Again?'

'Yep.'

'Are you sure he hasn't got another woman, pardon me, man in town?'

'Wouldn't know. But tomorrow's the race, you know.'

'My dearest Dylan, no I would most certainly not know. Athletic events don't register in my cognitive process.'

'Right.'

'Will you be alright?' he asked, obviously not really caring, as he turned his face in the light to check for a forgotten beard hair.

'Smooth like a baby Edward.' I assured him. 'And I'll find something to do.'

'Just in case you get bored of whacking your weasel,' he smirked, ' Happy Hour at Spades starts in thirty five minutes, there's a mixer in one of the Evan's commons though I'd advise against it, The Newbourn Cinema is playing 'Dracula's Daughter'. No scratch that, the last thing you need right now is a lesbian succubus. Oh, I know! There's a football game tonight, you can drool over those tight asses.'

'I thought you didn't register athletic events.'

'This one I was force fed by the cheerleading squad at lunch. Have fun. Wherever you end up, ta!' And gone he was, leaving me in the room smelling my pits. I could use a shower. Under the spray I mulled over the choices. There were a few more things to do tonight Edward hadn't mentioned but neither were of greater value or use that Edward's selection. In short, this was going to be a slow night. I could start off at a bar and work my way around the mixers and social events. For a second I even considered going to the game. But that was no fun on your own. With a towel around my waist I walked back into our room. The fire in the hearth was dying so I threw on a log and poked it absentmindedly. I pulled up the chesterfield and rolled myself a reefer. The warmth of the fire felt good on my naked skin and soon the damp towel was releasing little clouds of steam. So, it really was going to be a slow night.

Two hours later though, I was starving. Jumping into my track suit I headed out, looking for food. Being in the mood for something really greasy I decided on going to The Old Bailey. It was a typical student hangout. Cheap beer, cheap food, smoky bar. And since I surely wasn't dressed for any fancy hangouts, the perfect choice.

The barkeep poured me a cold beer while I was waiting for my order of fries. Sitting at the bar has its advantages. You're all on your own, but it's not as sad as sitting alone at a table. And with a swift swivel of the stool you're facing the crowd and ready for a chat.

The basket of fries landed in front of me and they looked dubious. But who cares, it's bar food.

'Hey there, enjoying a healthy meal I see.' I turned to my right and Calvin popped down on the stool next to me.

'Yeah, all a man needs. How was the game?'

'We lost.'

'So that's why you're not out celebrating.'

'Who says I'm not?'

'You don't look very festive.'

'Must be the lighting.'

'Sure.' I laughed.

'What are you doing out here, all by yourself?'

'Slow night.'

'It's Friday.'

'So?'

'Go out, have fun.'

'Who says I'm not?'

'It really is the lighting.Well, two's company, right?'

'That it is. So did you lose by much?'

'We were slaughtered.'

'Ouch.'

'Yeah. And let me tell you, sympathy fucks aren't by far as good as victory fucks.'

'Sorry man. You want some sympathy fries? They're just as awful as victory fries.'

Calvin laughed and took a swig of his beer. 'Sure, thanks.'

'So, I kind of know about you and Thomas.'

'Oh, that means I can finally know about you and Thomas?'

'Clarify.'

'He hasn't told me anything, but I figured you and him are...you know.'

'I guess we are but...'

'I know, mum's the word.'

'Is it that obvious then?'

'If you know what to look for, yes.'

'Oh.'

'Don't worry, those who do are in the same boat.'

'That's not what I heard.' I said and looked him straight in the eye. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to...'

'That's okay. I'm a bit more complicated.'

'Says who? We all might end up married with kids and stuff.'

'Would you?'

'I don't know, it's possible I guess.' I answered unsure.

'But the way things are going right now, you don't really see that for yourself.' He said with a knowing smile. 'Can't blame you, with a guy like Tommy.'

'Tommy eh?' I chuckled.

'Different times buddy.'

'So, why didn't you...'

'Fell in love with a girl.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah, and another one after that.'

'And now?'

'Nobody in particular. But I like being on both sides of the fence.'

'Hm.' I must have looked worried because Calvin quickly jumped in.

'Don't worry, I wouldn't come in between you two. Thomas is too good a friend for that.'

'But you wouldn't mind like, join in once in a while.'

'Is that a trick question?'

'No, just a question.'

'Is it an invitation?'

'Maybe.'

'Damn, Tommy's a lucky bastard.' He grinned.

'That he is.'

'I thought you guys would be up in Boston.'

'I'm going tomorrow morning, but only to cheer. Thom's already there.'

'So that's why you're here all by yourself.'

'I don't know, just didn't feel like partying.'

'It happens.' He smiled.

I looked over his shoulder and saw Beau milling around with a drink in his hand.

'Hey Beau! Over here!'

He looked over and smiled one of those shimmering white teeth smiles.

'Hi Dylan, mind if I join?'

'Of course not, have a seat. Or even better, let's grab the last empty table.'

We quickly moved over to a table and sat down.

'Beau, this is Calvin. A friend of...mine. Calvin, meet Beau, one of my team mates.'

They shook hands and lingered before letting go. If they thought they got away with it, they were wrong. I had seen it well enough, but kept my mouth shut.

In small company Beau was at his best, and tonight was no exception. He quickly found a subject of common ground and the drinks kept coming. At a steady but cautious pace. We both had to be up early and Calvin was tired from the game. Nevertheless our mouths were well lubricated, and after a while we became somewhat loose lipped. My more than friendly relationship was thrown on the table and though I didn't respond in any definite manner Beau picked up enough information. Mostly helped by Calvin's knowing smiles and inability to keep a straight face. I went for another round of drinks and observed my two friends from a distance. Beau was telling a story and Calvin listened very intently. If he wasn't hanging on his lips he surely was paying a lot of attention to them. Calvin was goo goo eyeing him all over. And if I could see it all the way from over the bar, surely Beau could as well.

I sat down just as he came to the punch line and Calvin did his best to charm Beau pants off.

'Off to the bathroom, back in minute.' Beau announced and got up. I waited intil he was out of earshot and grinned widely at Calvin.

'If I didn't know better...'

'What?'

'You're totally hitting on him.'

'Am I not allowed?' he asked with a cheeky grin.

'None of us are. We should be hitting on those.' I said and nodded at a group of girls. 'But don't let old fashioned morals stop you.' I added with a wink.

'Don't mind if I don't.'

I jugged down my beer as Beau came to the table and got up.

'Guys, I'm spent and I've got...something to do I'm sure. So, have a pleasant night.'

'Already?' they both chimed.

'I'll see you in the morning.' I said to Beau. 'He needs to get up at eight thirty, see to it.' I smiled at Calvin and walked out.