We spent the rest of the weekend in his bed. We only broke the warm embrace of each others arms to have brunch with his parents. Apparently Sunday brunch was not to be treated lightly. It took three hours and a lot of creativity covering up the true nature of our relationship. We were both ideal boys and not suspect to what they would've thought of as "unnatural". But still I had the impression Svetlana Burke saw more than she led on.
Thank God she had personnel to change the sheets.
The following weeks went by quickly. I focused on my academics, which were becoming more interesting every day, my athletics which became more challenging every training and Thom whenever I could. We tried to find enough time for each other but made no promises we couldn't hold. In between classes and training there was a social life to enjoy. Neither of us were prepared to give that up. These were the years we had no restrictions and hardly any commitments. So we enjoyed ourselves to the fullest. As I became more at ease with what I considered to be sexual preference, I noticed that more people than I thought desired me. I enjoyed the attentions and casual flirting of girls in my classes and reciprocated in a playful manner. It had little to do with keeping up a facade as Edward snidely remarked, but more with building confidence. There was not a hair on my head that considered my affair with Thomas proof of effeminacy. But still the notion of homosexuality had a ring to it that I needed to counter. It seems ridiculous but sometimes I felt like those girls affirmed my masculinity. There was no one to talk this over with. I didn't want to Thom to know I wasn't a hundred percent at ease with this. Edward wasn't an option; he considered insecurity as surrender to conformity. Beau and I knew of each other but didn't discuss it. And Calvin was Thom's best friend. So that was it. These were the only four guys I knew of. And though with each of them I shared a certain degree of intimacy, I didn't feel like this was an issue that could be discussed.
But don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself. The play in Boston, my first competition race, Thanksgiving (which I spent in Newbourn). All these events passed by in the exciting blur of freshman year.
We broke for two weeks of Winter Break, starting December 22. It gave all of us enough time to get home for Christmas. I had planned to spend a few days in Chicago and see how things were at home. I had no desire to stay any longer than required to please my mother. The second week of Winter Break meant cramming for the completion of my first term courses. And though many students spent the entire two weeks at home, I had planned to return to school. The campus would be relatively quiet and I could join a few study groups. And Thom would be back on campus after the 27th.
---Note from the author: Dear and devoted readers, I have taken this hiatus as an opportunity to give the story a little rest. The journal becomes a bit more chaotic starting 1937 and I needed to find a way to pour it into a more consistent form. But don't despair, more is coming soon. Just give me some time. To conclude this first part of the story I give you an extract from Dylan's journal.---
December 25th 1944
For the first time in two years, I had some sort of Christmas. No turkey , but we're on rations. Mother Bertha made due, never had beef jerky and spam that good!!! Irene gave me a scarf. It itches. She said something about never looking into the mouth of a horse... Strange girl, but sweet. I miss home. And Thom. Still thinking about him, though I should know better. Masochism maybe, but I can't bring myself to throw the picture away. It's still in my breast pocket. Last night more flying bombs hit Antwerp. One was pretty close to our house.