Inadequate Men
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Chapter 14 -- Kyle's Dilemma
Jared's first panicked thought was blackmail. His heart started pumping furiously, and within half a minute, he'd begun to devise a strategy to protect himself and Tom from whatever malicious act this Sean had planned. When he had convinced himself that there was no way on earth he was about to be imprisoned, disbarred, fired, or publicly humiliated, he reread the note.
totally hot dude!
Offhand, that didn't sound like much any blackmailer's note he had ever read, and he'd actually read a few. So Jared stepped back off the metaphoric ledge and began to piece together what had actually happened. Could that college kid across the restaurant really have seen what he and Tom were doing? Jared would have bet the farm otherwise, and apparently he would have lost the farm. Clearly, the kid had seen them and then slipped the note in Jared's pocket on his trip to and from the restaurant's bathroom. It was implausible, but what other explanation could there be?
Not hungry at the moment, he walked down to the waterfront and mulled over the implications of the note. Just how visible had he and Tom been? Had everyone in the restaurant seen them, said nothing, and finished their meals? Or, more likely, had one horny 20-something with really good eyes been spying on them because he thought they were cute, and then stumbled onto a voyeur's goldmine when Jared started rubbing Tom through his pants?
After a few minutes of running through every possible scenario he could think of, Jared decided that -- aside from perhaps avoiding Thai food for a while -- there was probably nothing that he or Tom needed to do to protect themselves from repercussions. The smartest and safest thing was probably to throw away the note and move on.
Except...
Jared recalled how he and Tom had both thought the college kid -- and, what the hell, his dad as well -- looked pretty hot. And apparently, the feeling was mutual. Was he really going to just throw the note away without at least mentioning it to Tom?
That thought prompted him to snap a quick photo of the note, then message Tom at work, Got a minute for something unusual?
Tom messaged him back promptly, Yes. How unusual?
Jared wrote, I just found this in my coat pocket. He then sent photo and waited.
About a minute later, Tom wrote back, Holy shit!!! That kid with the dad?
Jared wrote, I think so. What do you think?
Tom wrote, I can't say I'm not curious. What about you? Did you contact him?
Jared wrote, No, I wouldn't do that without asking you.
Tom wrote, You could have, would have been OK. But maybe we should talk about it tonight?
Jared wrote, Agreed, good idea. Call you when I get home around 8 or 9. He felt better about the whole thing after chatting with Tom about it, and by the end of his lunch hour was ready to put it out of his mind for a while.
A partners' meeting followed by two consultations with clients, one old and one new, took up most of the afternoon. By 5:15, Jared could feel his productive energy was drained, and pushed off the remainder of his work to the following day. He told his immediate supervisor he was heading out and, when he got no push back, let Kyle know that he was ready to leave.
A few minutes later, Jared and Kyle arrived at the Dubliner in time for Happy Hour, though with a smaller than usual crowd. The place had been closed for a month of renovation, and apparently word had not yet gotten out that it had reopened. The whole interior looked and smelled like new construction. The bar, which had previously taken up the whole center of the pub, had been reduced to about half its original size and placed in the front corner. This left room for additional seating, including a few wooden booth in the back, and a small open area up front that was equipped with a P.A. and large enough to accommodate a typical Irish or local rock band.
Jared and Kyle claimed a cocktail table in the corner, and Jared insisted, as always, on buying the first round. He brought back a Guinness for himself and a Blue Moon for Kyle, and they clinked glasses and sipped.
"So where were we?" Jared asked him.
"Your new boyfriend," said Kyle, discreetly enough to suit their surroundings. There were a few gay bars in the neighborhood, but the Dubliner wasn't among them.
"I think it's too soon to call us that," Jared said.
"Have you, um...?" Kyle wanted to know.
"Yeah, we've um," Jared laughed. "We've definitely um."
"I guess I kinda figured that one out..." Kyle admitted, "I mean, like I said, you're obviously really happy." He lifted his glass again and said, "To new romance."
"Hear, hear," Jared responded, and tilted his glass again.
Over a couple of rounds, Kyle coaxed as much information as he could out of Jared. He left out a few details -- the shower, the kitchen, and the Thai restaurant, for example. But after two beers, Jared was comfortable enough to admit to jacking off on the phone with Tom a few nights earlier.
"That can be hot," Kyle agreed. "In fact, sometimes it can be even hotter than the actual event."
"I guess that's possible," Jared said, "But how do you mean?"
"Buy us another round, and maybe I can get into this," Kyle offered.
Jared, seeing that Kyle needed to talk, asked "Will a plate of chicken wings also help?"
"How could it not?" Kyle said.
Jared ordered the wings while Kyle headed to the bathroom. Jared, who had always been curious about Kyle, resisted the urge to follow him, instead heading for the bar to get the next round. When Kyle had returned, Jared took the opportunity to visit the bathroom himself, and by the time he returned, a surprisingly high stack of chicken wings were waiting for him on the table.
Kyle had also set up a shot of whiskey for each of them.
"Boilermakers?" Jared asked him
Kyle answered, "Only if you drop it in your glass."
Jared said, "I'm game if you are."
Kyle responded by dropping his shot into his beer, which immediately foamed over the top of the glass and dribbled onto the table. Jared followed suit, and before his own drink had settled, lifted it up and asked, "What do we drink to?"
"Cool bosses!" Kyle suggested.
"Way to suck up!" Jared said, and they clinked glasses.
The two men spent a few minutes attacking the wings, and when they began to slow down, Jared asked Kyle, "So what's going on?"
"I'm seeing someone," Kyle began.
Jared asked, "Not that guy from last year?"
"God, no," Kyle told him, "That's over. O-ver.
"What's his name?"
"Ben," Kyle said.
"Nice name," said Jared. "Cute?"
"Yeah, very, my type for sure." Kyle said. "Low-key, nerdy cute but kinda built. Clark Kent with an option for Superman."
"Wow, that does sound good," Jared said. Changing gears, he asked, "Nice guy?"
"Super nice," Kyle told him, "Quiet, almost shy, but really sweet." He paused and added, "I like him a lot."
"So what's the problem," Jared asked. When Kyle hesitated, Jared offered, "The sex?"
Kyle looked uncomfortable and didn't say anything.
Jared said, "You mentioned that the phone sex was better than the real thing?"
"I did say that, didn't I?" Kyle said. He sounded a little tipsy, and Jared noticed that Kyle's drink was already empty -- much faster than he normally soaked them up.
"Is it a top-bottom sort of situation?" Jared offered.
"Not exactly," said Kyle. "I mean, I'm pretty versatile. Ben's not exactly a bottom, but then he's not exactly a top. In fact, I don't know exactly what he is. Maybe he's, as they say, just not that into me."
Kyle looked really upset, almost like he was going to cry, and Jared put his hand over his arm and asked, "Why do you say that?"
"The first few times we were together," Kyle said, "We just made out, you know? He said he didn't want to jump into sex without knowing me, and that was fine. It was really hot. In fact, I kind of felt closer to him than I probably would've felt if we'd actually done it. He stayed over with me, and we kept our underwear on, and it felt really loving, like we had this spiritual connection. I feel really stupid saying that."
"How come?" asked Jared. But even as he said that, Jared felt his heartbeat ramp up just a little, and his penis starting to wake up in his pants. Like he knew what was coming.
Kyle went on, "It's just, after a few times like that, I tried initiating more. And Ben just kept putting me off, saying he still wanted to get to know me better."
Jared said, "Maybe he did. What happened then?"
Kyle said, "I don't know. Sometimes I'd sort of reach down, wanting to make him feel good, but he didn't seem to enjoy it."
"How do you mean," asked Jared. His heartbeat was really pumping now, because he was sure now.
Kyle told him, "Like, he wasn't even hard, you know. Not even a little bit. I tried..." Kyle looked around a little bit, then spoke down, "...you know, rubbing him, but he just said that he was kind of tired, and not to worry about it."
Jared couldn't believe what he was hearing. Just listening to Kyle talk about Ben, he'd sprung a full boner in his pants. Kyle could have been any of the guys who'd talked about Jared over the years. Only now, because of his recent experiences with Tom, Jared didn't feel ashamed as he would have, but incredibly turned on. "What did you do?" he asked Kyle.
"I tried not to worry about it," Kyle told him. "We went back to making out, and that was good, but..."
"Frustrating?" Jared offered.
"Not so much," Kyle said, "Just a little uncomfortable. I mean, I'm used to guys practically attacking me. I've sometimes wished that a guy would just slow down a little, but..."
Jared wanted to know, "What was the thing about phone sex?"
"Oh, yeah, right," Kyle said, "So, that was last weekend. Since then, we've been talking on the phone every night. Sometimes, it goes there..."
"It's been good?" asked Jared.
Kyle told him, "Yeah, definitely. I think we have a few things in common in bed."
Jared asked, "Like...?"
"Oh, no, I'm not that drunk," Kyle laughed. "Let's just say that in a few ways, we're on the same page."
"And how long have you guys known each other?" Jared wanted to know.
"Like five-six weeks," Kyle told him.
Finishing his beer, Jared slammed it down on the table like a judge hammering his gavel. "I've heard enough, let me retire to my chambers, and I'll let you know when I've reached a verdict." Before Kyle could object, he stood up and headed for the men's restroom.
He stood alone at the urinal for a while holding his rock hard dick in his hand. "Fuck," he said aloud. Another guy came in and stood next to him. There was no barrier between the two urinals, so Jared pushed in closer for privacy. Eventually, his erection started to go down, and his bladder started to empty.
When he got back to the table, Kyle had bought them each another beer, this time without the shot. Jared knew he wasn't going to drink much of his, but thanked Kyle and toasted, "To our system of justice."
Kyle rolled his eyes and drank. He waited.
"Kyle, let me ask you a question," he began, "That guy last year, what's-his-name...?"
"Yeah, what's-his-name," repeated Kyle, "That's right."
"Remind me what it was that you didn't like about that relationship?"
"A lot of things," Kyle said, "But mostly, he was way too controlling."
"Controlling how?"
"When we were apart, he wanted to know my every move," Kyle said. "Where I went, who I saw, who I was with. Like he was looking for something to piss him off, and he usually got what he was looking for."
"How about when you were together?" asked Jared.
"Even worse," Kyle told him, "He picked the time, he picked the restaurant, if he was an hour late I was supposed to understand, if I was a minute late he went ballistic."
"What would you say was the worst thing you had to put up with?"
Kyle thought for a few moments and said, "I'd say it was his lack of sensitivity. There was just no getting through to him."
"I take it you tried?" Jared asked.
"In about a thousand different ways," Kyle said.
"You let him know how you'd like things to be?" Jared pressed.
"Yes," Kyle said, "But also no. I mean, maybe this is asking too much, but I'd like to think that the person I'm with would care enough to notice when I'm not happy, and want to do something about it."
Jared told him, "I think that's entirely appropriate. I'd go even further. I'd say I'd like to think a good waiter would care enough to notice when I'm not happy, and want to do something about it. I think a boyfriend should be a hell of a lot more attentive than that. What did you call it? Sensitivity?"
"OK, I get it," said Kyle, "So how does this relate to Ben. Are you saying he's being insensitive?"
"No," Jared told him, "I'm saying you're being insensitive."
"What?" Kyle practically yelled, "How do you get that?" He looked about ready to walk out the door.
"I don't mean it exactly like it came out," Jared assured him. "But just humor me a minute, OK?"
Kyle looked at his watch and said, "Go." Jared figured he had exactly 60 seconds.
"Stop me if I say anything you disagree with," Jared began. "Deal?"
Kyle nodded.
"You like this guy."
Kyle nodded again.
"He likes you, too."
Nod.
"You have a few things in common."
Nod.
"In bed as well as out of it -- maybe for a later discussion."
Big, emphatic nod.
"You feel good with him."
Nod.
"You could see even see maybe having a long term relationship with him."
Nod.
"OK.... He has asked you, in words and no words, to slow down a little on the sex."
Nod.
"In other words, he has asked you, in words and no words, to be a little sensitive to his needs in this one way."
Reluctant nod.
"Can you do this for him?" Jared asked, "For him? Pick up on what he's telling you, with and without words, and give him what he needs?" Jared waited, then added, "Because if you can, he might just do the same for you sometime."
Kyle waited a long time before speaking. At last, he said, "He already has."
"How do you mean?" asked Jared.
Kyle began, "Well, you of all people know I don't have a lot of money..."
Pretending to take offense, Jared said, "Go on..."
"You know I don't mean it like that!" Kyle laughed, breaking the tension. "I mean, I've got a mountain of student debt. Ben doesn't know that, but I've made it clear that I can't afford to go a bunch of fancy restaurants and do expensive things."
"So what do you guys do?"
"It depends," Kyle said. "Sometimes we just stay in or go cheap, and he's OK with that. Other times, he insists on taking me someplace really nice. But he never makes me feel like I owe him something, or we're on unequal terms because of it. He's really sweet about it, you know."
"Yeah, I get it," said Jared.
"Two weekends ago," Kyle went on, "I can't believe he said yes to this... My grandma lives in assisted living all the way out in Silver Spring. She needed someone to help take her dog to the vet. I was going to rent a car, but Ben offered to drive me. He said we could make a day out of it."
"How did it go?" Jared asked.
"Really well," Kyle told him. "We got on the road early to miss the traffic and had breakfast in Maryland. My grandma needed me to do a few things around her apartment, like change some light bulbs and see why her Skype had stopped working. Ben's in IT, so he fixed the problem and then cleaned up a bunch of other stuff on her computer, too."
"Are you out to your grandma?" Jared asked him.
"Yeah, she's pretty cool actually," Kyle told him. "She said she knew when I was like six... Surprise! She taught me how to use her sewing machine to make curtains for her kitchen. Anyway, we managed to get her --plus her walker and the dog -- into the car, and then waited like three hours at the vet while the dog got all these tests. It was a lot to ask of a guy you've only been dating a month."
"How was Ben with it all?" asked Jared.
"Awesome," Kyle said, "Grandma loves him. How could she not?" He thought for a moment, then went on, "Anyway, you asked if he'd been there for me, you know sensitive and all, and the answer is yes. A big yes." Kyle looked sad and added, "I feel like I've been a major turd."
"No," said Jared, "Don't do that to yourself. Look, he obviously likes you. And you like him. So enjoy that. Maybe just be there for him in whatever way you can, and see what happens."
They talked for a few more minutes, then left the bar and parted ways at the door. Jared was glad to have a ten-minute walk in the cold to sober him up a little and also to process what Kyle had just told him about Ben.
He hoped he'd done the right thing. But how many times, Jared wondered, had he himself been the topic of these kinds of conversations?
Guy A: "I've been seeing this guy, kinda cute, good job, treats me great, but his dick's pretty small and he has trouble getting hard."
Guy B: "Really? Sounds like a loser. Dump him! There's plenty more where he came from."
As he opened the door to his place, Jared reflected that Ben did sound pretty hot. Pervy to admit it to himself, but he was still semi-hard from the conversation. Was Ben another guy who, for a variety of reasons, like Jared, felt inadequate sexually? And why did the thought turn him on so much? For a guy who had gone years at a time without a single notch on the bedpost, Jared felt like he might get a nosebleed from the sudden change in direction over the past week.
Speaking of which, once upstairs, he opened his wallet and took another look at the note from LacrossBoySean98.
Saw you guys in the Thai restaurant
totally hot dude!
He left the note on top of his dresser, kicked off his shoes, and stripped down to his t-shirt and underwear, where he noticed a pretty sizeable wet spot. However much he'd been drained the previous night and that morning, apparently he was already reloaded. What Ben had started, Sean had reignited. He pulled open the waistband of his tighty-whities, looked at his small but rock hard erection inside them, and thought, Damn, the little guy is ready to go.
It was a few minutes to eight o'clock. Jared texted Tom, Just got home, how was your day?
Tom replied, Good, thanks, just chilling here, call whenever you like.
Jared called Tom, and they caught each other up on their days. Jared mentioned happy hour with Kyle, but decided to save the topic of Ben for when they were together. When there was a break in the conversation, Jared asked, "So, what do you think of LacrosseBoy?"
"Hmmmm yeah, that's a good question," said Tom. "I guess that kind of depends."
"Depends on what?" asked Jared.
Tom said, "On whether you and I are the kind of guys who want to play around with a third guy."
To be continued...
Thanks for reading! Just know that if you're a guy with a small penis, a guy who cums quickly, or a guy who is slow to get hard, you're not alone. And if you've thought about writing, please do: judestjude2357@gmail.com. I promise to do my best to answer, especially if you're feeling alone with no one to talk to about this stuff. Thanks again, TJ