Inadequate Men
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Chapter 2 -- At Jared's Place
They wound up back at Jared's place a little before 10 o'clock, having stopped off for two large cans of Asahi beer in separate brown bags, which they drank down as they walked. Once inside, Tom sat on Jared's couch while Jared adjusted the mood lighting and chose an innocuous Sirius radio for background jazz without distracting lyrics. He joined Tom on the couch, sat really close to him, and then took the lead by pulling him close and leaning in for a first kiss.
"So listen," Tom said, pulling back just a little.
For a second Jared's heart skipped a beat. Did I miss something? he thought, and asked quickly, "Is everything OK?"
"Dude, yes," Tom assured him. "You know I want this, right? Because I do, 100 percent."
"So what's the problem, then?" Jared asked. He realized he was sounding defensive, but couldn't help it with all his insecurities suddenly triggered.
"Totally no problem, buddy. Trust me?"
Jared scanned Tom's face. His eyes were warm and sincere, and he was smiling openly. "I want to," Jared answered.
"Me too," Tom said. "So let's do that."
"Do what?"
"Begin to trust each other. And I'll start. Jared, I'm happy to be here, but I'm also nervous."
"How come you're nervous?" Jared asked.
"Aren't you?" Tom responded.
And he waited in silence while Jared thought about his answer. Maybe it was six or seven seconds, but it felt like an eternity. Finally, Jared said decisively, "No.... I'm terrified."
"Oh my God, me too," said Tom.
And as they both laughed together, the tension seemed to deflate from the room, leaving them both breathless and attentive. Responding to the feeling, Jared tickled Tom a bit a bit around his ribs, and Tom curled happily into him. The motion sent them both tumbling onto the floor together in front of the couch.
"OK, this works for sure," Tom said.
"Wait, even better," said Jared. He reached up onto the couch and pulled down a large cushion. Placing it under Tom's head, he asked, "How's that?" Tom smiled and nodded, and Jared put his head next to Tom's, and they kissed again for a couple of minutes. For Jared, it felt even better than before. Somehow, in just a few minutes, he felt closer to Tom, less keyed up, less afraid of rejection.
"OK, I'm game." Jared said. "Can I ask you a question?"
Tom said, "Only if I can ask you one next."
"Deal." Jared took a breath. "What was going on for you in the shower room?"
"You mean..." said Tom, holding the moment out suspensefully, "When we saw each other naked for the first time?"
"Hell yeah, that," said Jared. Underneath, though, he realized that his heartbeat had elevated in a way that was both nervous and delicious. On any other night, 15 minutes into bringing a guy home, they probably would have been naked in bed together. Tonight, he and Tom were just talking and still had their clothes on, but his heart was racing in a way he didn't often experience.
Tom was still hesitating in his answer. "Oh, boy, this is tough."
Jared immediately rushed in with, "It's OK, you don't have to answer..."
Tom interrupted, "No, I'm gonna answer for sure. I just didn't realize it would be this tough." Jared resisted the impulse to jump in. Tom was visibly shaking, and Jared felt powerfully drawn to him more at that moment. He felt his dick suddenly pulsing in his pants as he sensed Tom's vulnerability in that moment. Pressing his mouth to Tom's ear he said gently, "Take all the time you need, dude. I'm loving this."
They kissed again, and Jared just let himself get swept up in the feeling of being close to Tom. Damn, he liked this guy. His mind went back to the shower room, that moment when they were turning towards each other. Except for porn -- which got pretty predictable after a while -- it had been months since Jared had seen another guy naked, let alone a good looking one who looked to be available and interested. Maybe he should just start tearing Tom's clothes off and let the conversation wait until afterwards.
After about a minute, though, he could feel Tom pulling away a little. Tom leaned up on one elbow and said, "I guess I was convinced that I was about to be rejected."
Jared's heart skipped a beat and he said, "I know the feeling." And then added, "How come?"
Tom took a deep breath and then said, "I've kind of got a small one."
"It's OK, me too," Jared said instantly. "Dude, I can't believe I'm talking about it."
"I know," Tom agreed, "It's OK. It's more than OK, it's amazing. How long have you been hiding it?"
"Forever, dude," Jared said, "I mean, along the way, other guys have obviously noticed."
"Yeah, like my two younger brothers," Tom said. "We went on a camping trip with our dad, and it was the first time in like five years they had seen me naked."
"How old were you?"
"I was 13, Eddie was 10, and Scott was 8. And I was always tall for my age, too. That year, I'd just started growing hair, and I was pretty proud of it. So before the trip, my dad says that the camp ground had communal showers for the guys. I guess he was preparing us for the experience in case we started having second thoughts."
"Were you nervous?" asked Jared.
"Not really. I mean, I'd seen my dad before, and he was pretty open when getting in and out of the shower, no big deal. Of course, his looked huge by comparison, but I was just a kid. But since I'd started growing hair down there, I was spending a lot of time in the shower by myself. So I was kind of looking forward to an excuse to show off in front of my little brothers. I remember my dad had told us if we wanted to shower with our bathing suits on, we could do that. But I really wanted my brothers to see what they were missing. I guess that sounds kind of pervy, huh?"
"Dude," said Jared, "I was an only child. Anything with brothers is a total fantasy with me."
Tom smiled mischievously, "OK, good to know."
"But what happened at the camp?" Jared prompted.
"So we get there, to this place that has a lake and volleyball and horseback riding and a Taco truck and a million kids running around having fun, and I'm all like, 'We should take a shower first cause we're sweaty from the car ride.' I have no idea what my dad was thinking, but we ended up going to the lake. We swam for hours, made friends with a bunch of other kids, and then way, way later after the sun went down, that's when my dad says we should all take showers. By that time, Eddie was in a really crappy mood because he found out the cabins didn't have TV. He and Scotty wore their bathing suits to the showers, but I was all ready to strip down like my dad -- you know, the big men of the family.
"So we're in there, and I'm feeling really proud of myself taking a grown up shower in front of my brothers while they're still in bathing suits. At the same time, I'm feeling a little small next to my dad, cause he's got a lot more hair than I do, that's for sure. Anyway, he leaves to dry off in the changing area. And I start poking the bear with my little brothers, like 'You know, when guys get older they don't shower wearing their bathing suits.' At first, Eddie isn't buying it, but then suddenly Scotty pulls down his bathing suit, and now Eddie is the only one wearing one. So Eddie pulls his down, too. So we're all naked together for the first time in years, and Scott points at me and says, 'Tom's got hair like Dad, but Eddie's is bigger.'
"'No, he isn't.' I say, but then I look down and I can tell that Eddie has also started puberty -- at 10! And even though he doesn't have any hair down there yet, his dick and balls are, like, hefty. And with the lake swimming, mine is shriveled down to practically nothing. Worse yet is the look on Eddie's face, like, he doesn't even have to say a word because the truth is on his side.
"That night, I was awake half the night trying to get over the feelings of shame I was having. From then on, every once in a while when no one else was around, Eddie would call me Little Brother, with this kind of smirk on his face."
"Damn," said Jared, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but that story has got me totally turned on."
Tom said, "If you take your shirt off right now, I promise not to take it the wrong way."
"Both of us," said Jared. They both dropped onto their backs and pulled their t-shirts up over their heads. Then, realizing the room was cold, Jared reached behind the couch and pulled out a huge quilt comforter that looked like a hand-me-down from a great aunt. He spread it over both of them, then added, "I think the pants have to go, too." He and Tom both undid their belts and the fronts of their pants, then slid them down under the covers and kicked their way out of them.
Settling back into a comfortable position, and now feeling Tom's bare skin on his own for the first time, Jared purred in contentment and Tom did the same. "Dude, this feels good."
"I know," Tom said. "The whole thing feels good."
Jared added, "Earlier tonight, I was convinced you were this hung guy and I was trying to figure how to get out of the shower without you seeing mine."
Tom said, "Little did you know -- uh, no pun intended."
Jared then said, "They called me Little Boy in high school," then told Tom his own embarrassing shower-room story.
When he was done, Tom asked, "What was it like to get a late start with puberty?"
Jared answered, "It wasn't a big deal until I saw what the other guys in school looked like naked. I was an only child, so I didn't have a little brother to point out my inadequacy."
Tom asked, "Did you feel inadequate, too?"
Jared didn't answer all at once. He felt comfortable with Tom, and knew he could simply say yes and move on. But there was more to it than that. He chose his next words carefully. "I still feel inadequate."
He didn't know what to expect -- maybe a pep talk. Instead, Tom moved in closer, kissed him, and pulled the blanket over both of their heads, then whispered in his ear. "Me too."
"Yeah?"
"For sure." Tom then steeled himself up and said, "I'm guessing you already know this but...."
Jared waited.
"... what happened in the shower room... it wasn't just a one-time thing. I'm pretty much a premature ejaculator all the time. So, if that's not gonna work for you, it's OK and I understand."
Jared could feel how total Tom's shame was as he made this admission. He had felt it in the shower room as Tom had struggled to no avail to hold back from squirting. And, again, as he had done in the shower room, Jared placed his hand on Tom's shoulder and said, "I told you, buddy, it's no problem."
"Really?" asked Tom.
"100 percent, bud, really. I've felt so inadequate as a man for so long, do you think I'm gonna turn around and make you feel that way?" Jared took a breath, "Sounds like sex has been a huge issue for both of us, each in our ways, right?"
"For sure."
Jared said, "So how about you and me make a deal right now, whenever we're together: No shame, no pressure, no problems. Let's stop trying to live up to what we think we're supposed to be as men when we get in bed together. OK?"
"That works for me." Tom said. "Where have you been all my life?"
"I feel the same. So can I ask, are you worried it's gonna happen again right now?"
Tom answered slowly, "Yeah, probably. I mean right now it's OK but...
"But what?" asked Jared.
"But the minute I take my underwear off, that's when it starts to happen. I start to get so turned on that literally anything that touches my penis can set me off. It's a real problem."
"Hey," said Jared. "Remember our deal. No problems, buddy. If you squirt 10 seconds into us playing together, no worries. OK?"
"Sure, that sounds great," said Tom.
"Anyway," Jared continued, "I kind of have the opposite problem."
"How do you mean?" Tom asked.
"Let's just say that if you're a quick finisher, I'm a slow starter. It's part of my whole inadequacy thing. It's hard to explain." Jared left space for Tom to talk, but Tom was just listening, so he continued. "When I really like a guy, it's hard for me to believe that he's really gonna like me back. I guess I kind of panic at first, and it keeps me from getting hard right away. And that keeps me from enjoying being with a guy, which makes the problem even worse."
"I can relate," Tom said, "When I'm with a guy, I'm usually so worried the whole time about cumming too soon that I end up missing out on the fun."
At that moment, Jared suddenly pulled in Tom tighter and started kissing him passionately. He just felt a deep, sudden longing to be closer to him. Tom felt it too and responded immediately, dropping all defenses. It felt so good to just be with a guy and not completely hung up the whole time on whether he was going to be able to hold off from shooting. So he let himself just take Jared at his word and if it happened, it happened.
When the kissing subsided, Jared whispered in Tom's ear, "I've got an idea, if you're OK with it."
"I'm open," Tom whispered back.
"Let's not hold back with each other," Jared whispered, "Let's tell each other everything, starting with all the embarrassing stuff we've been hiding all these years."
"OK," Tom whispered in return. "Who starts?"
Steeling himself up, Jared whispered "Tom, listen -- my penis is really small."
"Hey, Jared," Tom whispered back, "My penis is really small, too. It makes me feel really inadequate as a man."
"Me too, Tom, I feel inadequate, too. I feel like I don't measure up as a man. When I measure it without cheating, it's only a little over 3 inches long."
"Jared, mine is under 4 inches, too, but it's really thin, like a pencil."
Jared pulled Tom close again and kissed him deeply. It felt so good sharing like this. Both men were trembling with nervousness. "Tom, I feel so close to you right now. Can we take our underwear off?" Tom responded by reaching under the covers and pulling his boxers down, and Jared did the same and then said, "Tom, can I tell you something?"
"Sure, Jared, anything."
"Tom, right now, I'm really, really turned on, but my penis still isn't fully hard yet. Is that OK?"
Tom kissed Jared over and over again, first passionately on the lips and then more softly on his cheeks, forehead, and eyebrows. "Jared, you never have to worry about that with me."
At hearing those words, Jared felt his heart jump with joy. "Tom, it feels so good to hear you say that. I really trust you now."
"Me too, Jared. Can I tell you something?"
"Yes, Tom,"
"Jared, my penis is fully erect now, but I'm getting so close to cumming, I don't know how much longer I can hold it. It happened once with you already, and if it happens again, I'm so scared you're gonna laugh and then reject me."
"Tom, it's OK. I promise I would never do that. Is that why you're holding your penis back away from my body, to hold back from cumming?"
Experiencing a wave of embarrassment, Tom admitted. "Yes."
"It's OK, Tom, but you don't have to do that. I want you to rub it up against me. But my penis is still only kind of semi hard. It makes me feel so inadequate."
Tom responded by closing the distance between himself and Jared, letting their penises touch for the first time. Then he pulled back, "Jared, if I keep going, I'm not gonna be able to control it."
Jared reassured him, "You don't have to, Tom, it's OK."
"But a man should be able to hold it longer than just a few seconds."
"It's OK, buddy, let it go." Jared pressed himself more firmly up against Tom stiff, straining penis. The he reached down and gently took Tom's penis in his hand. As thin as it was, Tom could feel how rock hard it was and, knowing how much Tom was struggling, Jared was careful not to grip it too hard or rub it in any way that would give him too much stimulation. "Does that feel OK?" he asked.
Tom answered, "That feels SOOO good when you hold it like that. But I don't know how long... I'm trying so hard," Tom whimpered, "I'm trying, Jared....I just can't.... hold it in...." Jared pressed his mouth against Tom's as the uncontrollable spasms started, and Tom's penis started to unload into Jared's hand. Jared rubbed in response and Tom cried out as the feeling intensified. At the same time, Tom felt the reassurance of Jared kissing him more and more deeply, and gave into the feeling at last, letting himself just empty completely into Jared's hand.
As the waves of pleasure peaked and then more slowly subsided, Tom could feel that Jared was completely there with him in a way that no man had ever been before. And he knew at that moment that he was falling hard for Jared and would probably feel that way for a very long time.
To be continued...
Thanks for reading. If you're liking how the story is unfolding, please contact me at judestjude2357@gmail.com. I'd be glad to hear any feedback you have about how to make this story and series better going forward. Thanks again! TJ