Interludes

This is yet another "Interlude". The "Interludes" take place between my stories "Any Path" and "No Painless Way", though hopefully they're standing alone. "AP" is mostly BSB, but "NPW" is mostly 'Nsync. If you like, you can find both here: www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/celebrity/boy-bands/any-path The "Interludes" get archived here: www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/celebrity/boy-bands/interludes

A lot of people have written to me (thank you), very concerned about poor J.C., pining for the straight Justin. :) To the Joshie fans I'm depressing - J.C. does get Justin, but not in the "Interludes". It happens in "No Painless Way", which I actually think is okay enough to recommend. Be warned - it is dark and disturbing. But there's sweetness in there too. :)

And I SWEAR, I'm working on the third "Any Path" story! Honest, it's just giving me more trouble than the first two did. But it's being written.

DISCLAIMER: I own 'Nsync. They live in my sock drawer. They are available for rent, except for Justin. J.C. and I are mighty possessive when we're not busy cat-fighting for the little angel. :) Seriously, if you think any of this is real...it's not. Go write "Fiction = not true" on a chalkboard 4,232 times. Or give me Justin's phone number. :) And if anyone is bizarre enough to steal this, I'll conveniently forget the Pagan Rede long enough to rain horrible fiery death on you. 'Kay? 'Kay. :)

DEDICATION: This one's for my dear friend Jrok, a new Justin/J.C. fan and a truly talented writer. (With much love from Poopsie. :))

~INTERLUDE : LOVING~

by DaraLynn

"And when you cry I feel the sky Burst open in my veins If loving you makes a slave of me Then I'll spend my whole life in chains..."

• "Lose Your Way", Sophie B. Hawkins

As the closing credits of "Clue" began to roll down the TV screen, J.C. turned to Lance.

"Scoop, that was one seriously fucked-up movie. But I really liked it."

Lance, who sat on his bed next to J.C., smiled. "I knew you would. It's my favorite, ya know."

The 'Nsync group-dad rubbed his slightly-sore blue eyes, grabbed the remote control and turned off the tape. "What time is it?"

"Almost eleven. Don't worry, Chris and Joey promised to check in at midnight."

J.C. groaned. "I always worry when they go clubbing together. I live in fear of what the headlines might say the next morning."

The spikey-haired blond giggled. "It's okay. Just 'cause Joey is the biggest flirt on the planet, not to mention the group wencher, and Chris thinks that being 'the crazy one' gives him permission to do anything-"

"Stop! Stop!" J.C. shrieked, clapping his hands over his ears.

"Okay. You'd better get back to your room...you've been away from Justin for two hours. Any longer and you'll start convulsing."

J.C. frowned. "I'm not that bad."

Lance grinned. "Yes you are. But it's sorta cute."

J.C. hugged his younger friend tightly, grateful as always that Lance never seemed uncomfortable around him. Southern Baptists were not known for their tolerance of homosexuality, and when J.C. revealed to three of his bandmates that he was gay he was most worried about Lance's reaction. But upon hearing the news, the green-eyed singer had simply smiled and hugged J.C. Religious as Lance was, never a word about sin or damnation was ever heard from him. He was all about love - it seemed to be his only commandment.

"'Night, Poo-Fu."

"'Night, Big Daddy."

Chuckling at the use of his nickname, J.C. left the room and headed down the hallway. Upon entering his and Justin's room, he noticed with some alarm that both it and the bathroom were unoccupied. His eyes fell on the balcony doors (which Lance had earlier warned him to shut before sleeping, as it was going to rain - the day had been cloudless but J.C. tended to trust the nineteen-year-old's opinions) and noticed movement just beyond them.

"Justin?"

"I'm out here, Josh," came the soft reply.

J.C. stepped out onto the balcony and stood beside the boy. Justin was dressed for bed in his trademark wifebeater and white silk boxers. He was staring glumly down at his hands, which clutched the railing as though he feared J.C. would pull him away. Even in the combination of moonlight and shadow falling over him, the curly-haired blond looked like an angel. He always did, J.C. thought, even when not wearing white.

The second-oldest 'Nsyncer shivered as a chilling breeze flew by them. "Hon, it's cold out here. Let's go inside."

Justin made no move. J.C. gently took the cool hands into his own warm ones, and led his best friend off the balcony as though he were a small child. After closing the doors behind them, he sat on one of the beds facing Justin, who looked utterly lost. Cupping the fair face with his fingers, J.C. lifted it until his and Justin's eyes were level.

"Baby?" J.C. mimicked the mournful pout that shaped the boy's soft pink lips. He often wondered what it would be like to kiss those lips, to press his mouth against them and feel Justin's tongue with his own -

//Not now! Don't think about that right now!//

The blue eyes that stared into J.C.'s were normally bright and lively, but now seemed stormy and haunted. His frown deepened upon seeing J.C.'s.

"Please smile for me, angel." The corners of J.C.'s mouth slowly, shyly began to turn up.

In spite of his dark mood, Justin reluctantly began to smile. This method of J.C.'s never failed.

The older boy's hands slipped down to rest on Justin's shoulders, rubbing them through the thin fabric. "Tell me what's wrong, Just."

The smile disappeared. "I'm never gonna fall in love, Josh."

"What? Of course you will, sweetie."

Justin's eyes began to fill, and he shook his head.

"No I won't. No one cares about me for me. Everyone I go out with spends the whole date gawking at me and throwing herself at me. I'm sick of it, Josh. I'm sick of dating girl after girl and not feeling anything for any of them."

Justin leaned forward and rested the top of his head against J.C.'s shoulder. Strong arms enfolded Justin, holding him as he sobbed.

J.C. softly kissed the bright curls. "Angel, listen to me. You just haven't met the right person yet. Please don't think you're not capable of loving like that. God, you are love personified. It just hasn't happened yet."

Justin returned J.C.'s hug, clinging tightly to his best friend. "But what if it never does, Josh? I'm so scared, I'm scared I'm gonna live my whole life and never have that. I'm such an asshole! You love me for me and I can't even feel it back! What's wrong with me!?"

A sad pain began to throb in J.C.'s heart. He held Justin tighter, rocking him, and spoke through the tears racing down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away so Justin wouldn't see.

"No, baby, please don't say that! There is nothing, nothing wrong with you. You are the most perfect thing I've ever known...angel, how you feel is never your fault..."

J.C. rested his head on Justin's, and for a few minutes they clung to eachother like drowning men.

//This isn't right!// J.C. mentally yelled. //He shouldn't have to be in pain because of something he can't help! I'm supposed to carry that load...I'd bear anything for him. But why does Justin have to suffer for this?//

"Josh?" Justin said, his timid voice muffled against J.C.'s T-shirt.

"I'm right here, baby."

"I'm sorry about that...I'm always dumping my problems on you."

"Curly, I'm glad you tell me how you feel. I want you to always do that so I can help," said J.C. "I'm sorry...if I hadn't told you how I feel about you you wouldn't be upset about it."

Justin sat up straight, J.C.'s arms still around him, and his reddened eyes looked deep into J.C.'s.

"Josh, it works both ways. I knew something was wrong with you that day. I would've been offended if you hadn't told me. I'm not sorry you did."

J.C. gently touched the porcelain face, wiping away tears with his fingertips. "I make you cry."

"The situation makes me cry. You make me happy. Every single day."

The young blond snuggled against J.C.'s chest. "How can you love me, Josh?" he asked quietly.

J.C. ran his fingers through the silky curls. "I don't know, baby. I've been doing it for so long. And I can't help but love you."

"Do you remember the day you told me?"

"I'll never forget." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- (over three years earlier)

J.C. sat uneasily on one of the twin beds in Justin's room as his thirteen-year-old best friend stood by the dresser, expertly spinning a basketball on his finger.

"Josh, you are gonna love Tennessee!" the boy promised excitedly. "I mean, it's awesome here and everything, but I've missed home a lot since I've been away. And it actually snows there sometimes! I bet you don't even remember snow!"

J.C. smiled. "Yes I do."

Setting the basketball down on the floor, Justin glanced at one of the framed pictures on his dresser. It was of he and J.C. on one of the 'Mickey Mouse Club' sets, standing before the camera grinning, arms around eachother's shoulders. Both Justin and J.C. had a lot of pictures of themselves together, but this one was Justin's favorite, though he wasn't sure why. It simply reminded him how lucky he was to have such an amazing best friend.

The other Mouseketeers had understandably found it strange that a thirteen-year-old and an eighteen-year-old could become so inseparable. But over time they had grown used to Justin and J.C. being off in their own little world, and tried to be understanding of how they preferred eachother's company over all others. Even J.C.'s friends like Dale and Tony had come to accept the spirited boy that J.C. had insisted on bringing everywhere with him.

But sometimes the closeness of the two best friends was almost eerie. J.C. always seemed to know how Justin was feeling and how to cheer him up. They made one another smile with such ease that even the show's director had liked to keep them on the same set. Justin often answered J.C.'s questions before the older boy could ask them. Sometimes they would sit together for as long as an hour at a time, not saying a word. The silence was never awkward - rather it was as comfortable as the friends were together, so much so that sometimes they didn't need to speak at all.

But J.C. wasn't quiet this day because he was relaxed. In fact, he was scared to death. He had to reveal something to Justin before he could continue being the boy's best friend - something that could cause the young blond to never speak to him again.

Typically, Justin knew something was wrong.

"Why so glum, Josh?" The child's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You're still coming with me, right? You haven't changed your mind?"

J.C. spoke quickly to assuage the boy's panic. "Of course I'm coming. I'd be lost without my little angel."

Justin giggled. "I don't know why you call me that, Josh. Especially since the rest of the MMC calls me 'Brat'."

"You're not a brat," J.C. said defensively. "You get your way all the time, but..."

"So now I'm a spoiled brat? Great." Justin picked his Mouseketeer jacket up off a chair and ran his hands gently over it. "I can't believe it's ending."

"Me neither."

Justin dropped the jacket and went to J.C. "Josh, what's wrong? It's not just 'MMC' ending, so what is it?"

"Nothing, kiddo. I'm fine."

"Did you and Tony break up?"

J.C.'s jaw dropped. "Wh-what?"

Justin squirmed where he stood. "Well, I alwaysthought you guys were, ya know, together. You're not?"

J.C. sighed and took Justin's hand, something he often did. "No, and we never were. Honestly, Tony and I...um, experimented together a little, off and on. But I don't like him like that."

"So that's not it. Then I'm just gonna have to sit on you till you tell me why you're upset." Justin plopped down onto J.C.'s lap. Predictably, the older man smiled and draped an arm loosely around the boy.

"Just, this isn't exactly torture. What do you weigh, like sixty pounds?"

Justin playfully thwacked him on the head. "No."

"Well, I don't mind you where you are, so I think your plan's failed."

"Yeah. But at least you make a comfy chair. You should consider doing this professionally."

"What, having you on my lap?" J.C. asked, secretly thinking that the idea sounded very tempting.

"No, like being one of those Santa Claus inpersonators."

"Oh." J.C. lowered his voice in an attempt to do a Santa impression. "Ho ho ho, and what do you want, little boy?"

"I want to know what's bothering my best friend."

The brown-haired teenager looked downward, his fingers absent-mindedly playing with the loose fabric of Justin's T-shirt. "I don't know if I can tell you, hon," he whispered.

"You do wanna come to Tennessee with me, right? This isn't about that, is it?"

"No. But after I tell you what I have to say, you might not want me to come. If so, I'll understand completely."

Justin suddenly hugged J.C. tightly. "No way! Josh, whatever it is it can't be that bad."

"It's not good."

"Tell me, Josh. Please. We tell eachother everything."

Taking a deep breath, J.C. nodded. He lifted Justin off of his lap and placed him on the other bed. As they sat facing eachother, Justin took J.C.'s hands. The older boy gently tried to withdraw them, but Justin held tight, smiling with encouragement.

J.C. frantically fought tears as he gazed into those trusting blue eyes. "Justin, please believe me that I'd never intentionally hurt or upset you, not for anything."

"Josh, I know that."

"You're not only my best friend, you're the best thing in my life. I don't wanna lose you..."

"You won't! Why would you?"

No tears came, but J.C. was shaking a little, overwhelmed by the risk he was taking. "Angel, you know I'm gay."

Justin smiled. "Yeah. And it doesn't bother me."

//Say it, say it now and get it done!//

//I CAN'T! I CAN'T LOSE HIM!!!//

//And you can't live a lie. Not anymore.//

//I don't lie to Justin.//

//Because he's worth everything. Worth the truth.//

//Yes.//

//So give it to him. Say it. Just say it.//

"Justin...I love you."

Justin squeezed his hands. "I know. I love you too."

"Just, I love you as my best friend, I always have. But there's more to how I feel. I'm...I'm in love with you."

Justin stared at his friend, unblinking. J.C. was closer to tears than Justin had ever seen him, and it frightened the boy. He searched his young mind for the right words.

"I...Josh...I don't know what to say."

"You're not pulling away from me."

"No. I'm not scared of you...and I'm not mad, I just...I'm not sure what to do."

"I don't expect anything from you, Just. How I feel...it won't change what we have. The only thing I need you to do is tell me whether or not you still want me in your life."

Justin, obviously stunned, dropped the trembling hands he held and climbed back onto J.C.'s lap. The eighteen-year-old was stunned. It wasn't so incredible that Justin hadn't run away screaming, but now he was reassumming a friendly but somewhat intimate position with a man he knew was attracted to him.

"Just, what are you doing?" Even as he spoke, J.C.'s arms automatically wrapped around the boy.

//My God, he isn't freaked out at all about me touching him! No reluctance, no hesitation...no fear.//

Justin rested his head on J.C.'s shoulder. "If nothing's changed between us, then I should still be allowed to do this. Am I?"

//Thank you God, thank you for this perfect creature that I don't deserve, that no one deserves, thank you...//

"Of course you are. I just...thought maybe you wouldn't want to...now," J.C. said softly.

"Did you think I'd run away from you? i know you'd never, ya know, do anything to me. Josh, it's okay. I can deal with it. With this."

"Justin, I don't want this to change anything."

"It won't, I promise. I don't wanna lose you either."

J.C. sighed with something deeper than relief could be, and hesitantly kissed Justin's forehead, though fairly certain that the boy wouldn't jump off his lap in horror. The blond smiled, and shifted a little on J.C.'s legs.

"Am I hurting you, Josh?"

"I told you, hon, you're light."

Justin placed an open hand over J.C.'s heart, as though trying to feel it beat. "No, I mean here. Inside. Because..." The child sounded guilty. "I only love you as my best friend. I mean, I love you a lot, but I..."

J.C. placed his hand over Justin's, and their fingers intertwined. "But you're straight. I know, sweetie. And no, you're not hurting me. Believe me, it's okay that you can't feel what I do back. As long as I can still love you as my best friend and bratty angel, I'm happy. Is that okay?"

Justin grinned. "If I can love my best friend back, it's perfect."

//No. You're perfect.//

A comfortable silence fell over them for a few minutes as each let all this sink in. J.C. thanked God more fervently than he ever had for anything, and Justin quietly pondered what J.C. had told him.

//Josh is in love with me? Wow. And he's not upset that I don't feel the same. He protects me and takes care of me, helps me whenever I need him to, teaches me stuff, cheers me up...with him around I don't have to be scared of anything. He does so much for me...I just wish I could do something for him.//

Little did Justin know that he was, as he allowed J.C. to feel the warm weight of his small body and breathe in the fresh scent of his blond hair.

Justin's hand still rested on J.C.'s chest, positioned over the pounding organ that now, and forever, belonged to him. As J.C.'s heart beat against his open palm, Justin resolved to take care of this gift as best he could.

"So, you're still coming with me, right? And yes, of course I still want you to."

J.C. nodded. "Then I will."

The thirteen-year-old smiled happily. "Good. You know, Mom's really glad you're coming with us. She says she's never seen two people as close and in sync as us."

J.C. chuckled softly, his chest vibrating under Justin's hand. "In sync. I like that. Sounds - "

" - just like us," Justin finished, giggling.

"Yeah."

"Josh?" The boy suddenly sounded serious.

"Yes, angel?"

"What's it like? Being in love, I mean."

J.C. sighed with contentment, relief making him feel almost drowsy. "Mmm...it's really nice."

"Even if the other person doesn't feel it back?"

"Uh-huh."

"I'm glad, Josh."

"Me too." ----------------------------------------------------------------------

The memory made both of the best friends smile as they held eachother.

"Did you mean what you said that day, Josh?" Justin asked sleepily.

"Yes, baby. Everything I said, I meant."

J.C. kept one arm across Justin's back, and slid the other around his legs. Carefully, as to disturb his angel as little as possible, he pulled the boy onto his lap, where Justin had sat countless times before.

The curly-haired blond laughed, but allowed himself to be moved. "Josh, aren't I getting a little big to sit on your lap?"

"Nah, you're still light." One of J.C.'s arms was curled around the slim waist, its hand resting on Justin's stomach. The other hand alternated its soothing caresses between the boy's petal-soft cheek and the golden curls.

"And you will fall in love someday, sweetie. And whoever she is, she'll be the luckiest girl on Earth."

Justin's head snuggled against J.C.'s shoulder. "Is it really an incredible feeling, Josh? Whatever the circumstances?"

"Oh, it's beautiful, angel. Just like you."

~FIN~

Comments and questions welcome to me at DaraLynn_writings@hotmail.com

Author's Note: J.C., perhaps fearing cries of "PEDOPHILE!", asked me to tell you that he would not have done anything with Justin at thirteen years old, even if Justin had expressed similar feelings. Whether or not he's telling the truth, we can only speculate. :) (heh heh heh, kidding)