Interlude: Shattered (Part 2)
By Diana
Author's Notes: So sorry for the delay! Unexpected complications. Anyway, this is the second half of "Shattered", and will probably answer most of your questions from the previous segment. I hope you're enjoying the story so far, I realize it's much different from my previous two fics...
A few more recommendations: "The Best Man", yet another masterpiece by the incredibly talented and amazingly versatile Dayse Craze. Chris/Joey fans, you don't want to miss this one! And you can find more of Dayse's work on her fantastic Joey-oriented site at http://www9.ewebcity.com/dayse/main.
Another story worth mentioning: "The Hardest Thing" by Kevin. Only two chapters so far, but it's really good, and his portrayal of 98 Degrees (particularly the Lachey brothers) is very nicely written. More, Kevin, more! wink
And a final note: Thanks to everyone who nominated me for the BBSA! You're the best!
Disclaimer: The songs featured in this segment are "Secretly" by Skunk Anansie and "Tearin' Up My Heart" by N'Sync.
Something was wrong.
JC first began to suspect this when one of Justin's doctors strode past him, pale and unnerved. He was on the verge of running, but somehow managed to maintain a calm exterior as he slipped into Justin's room and shut the door behind him.
For a few moments, everything was still. Then two nurses appeared, heading straight into the comatose teen's room and again closing the door after them. This time they pulled the curtains, ensuring that no one would see what was happening.
Throat constricting with fear, JC staggered out of his chair and made his way down the hall as fast as he could. But sleeping in those plastic seats for four days straight had robbed him of his agility, and he lumbered down the hall like some clumsy giant, grasping the nearby wall to keep his balance.
As he drew closer, he could hear loud, authorative screaming from beyond the oak door. Someone was raising hell in there.
Truly terrified now, JC practically catapulted himself the last few feet, grabbing onto the door and gasping for breath. But before he could turn the handle, the door swung open viciously, knocking him back against the wall.
"This is NOT a good idea, miss!" the doctor urged as he walked out the door, facing whoever was still in the room.
"It's Mrs. And this is MY decision." a strong female voice sounded out, and JC's mouth dropped open in shock. He knew that voice.
Lynn Harliss stormed out of her son's room, forcing the doctor to take several steps back. As she emerged, she spotted JC and quickly turned on him, emanating an aura of pure rage.
"And you!" she practically growled. "If you ever come near Justin again, I'll kill you! Do you hear me?!"
JC was stunned. "W... what? What are you talking about?"
"You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!" she screamed, a tear sliding down her cheek. "How could you?! HOW DARE YOU!"
The teen had never seen Justin's mom look so venomous, so hateful. He could feel the blood rushing from his face, but could only lean against the wall and watch this petrifying spectacle.
And then Joey Fatone appeared behind her, grasping her shoulder supportively. Lynn gave him a grateful look, and JC realized exactly what was going on. Joey had given Lynn his version of what had happened.
"Lynn, listen to me." JC pleaded desperately. She had to hear the truth from him now, or it would be over. "It's not true, I swear."
"I don't believe you, Joshua. I'm sorry, but I don't." Lynn folded her arms.
"Dammit, Lynn! Hear me out!" JC roared angrily, kicking the chair near him. But before he could say anything more, a female nurse stepped out of the room, pulling a wheelchair in front of her.
Sitting in that chair, disguised by a bulky jacket, sunglasses and a baseball cap, was Justin Timberlake-Chasez. His head bobbed back and forth lifelessly as the nurse turned the wheelchair around to face Lynn.
The woman's face softened at the sight of her destroyed son. "Look what you did to my baby..." she whispered, touching his cheek gently. Without turning back to JC, she said: "I'm taking him home. I'm going to take care of him." She looked at him again with nothing but malice in her eyes. "And when he's better, I'll take care of you."
With that blatant threat, Lynn pushed the nurse away and grabbed the handles of Justin's chair. But before she could push him forward, JC blocked her way, taking hold of the armrests and pushing just hard enough to stop Lynn.
"You can't do this." he protested, praying Justin would wake up right now and stop his mother. Because if she took him away, JC knew he would never see his love again.
Lynn's eyes narrowed. "I most certainly can." she replied. "I trusted you to look after my son, that's not a mistake I'll make twice."
"Please, Lynn, don't do this to me!" He was screaming now, and people were looking at him. But for once, he didn't care. Let the whole world know who and what he really was. He wouldn't hide his love for Justin, not anymore. "I need him, Lynn! Please!"
Mrs. Harliss glared at him coldly, unmoved by his tearful plea. "You don't deserve him, Joshua." she said flatly. "And I'm starting to wonder if you ever did."
Hearing something like that from Lynn of all people struck JC like an arrow. He stepped aside numbly, unable to believe she had actually said that. Lynn began wheeling her son down the hall.
JC's fists clenched. She was taking him away, and he couldn't do anything about it. He was just Justin's husband, and that wasn't even public knowledge. She was his mother, and had proof to back it up.
The frustration, the despair, it all swirled up inside him and tore at his soul. JC opened his mouth and screamed out one last time, one more attempt to prove to Lynn how much he loved her son.
"HE'S ALL I'VE GOT!"
Lynn froze for a moment, keeping her gaze straight ahead. She almost turned around, ALMOST. But after a moment, she continued on her way.
His strength left him then. He had given it all he had, and it wasn't enough. JC sank to his knees, watching as Justin grew farther and farther away.
A hand touched his shoulder briefly, and JC looked up to see Britney Spears standing over him. She looked up for a moment at Lynn, then back down to JC.
"I'll keep an eye on him." she whispered before taking off and catching Lynn right outside the elevator. The last thing JC saw was Lynn's face softening at the sight of the younger girl.
Then the elevator doors closed, and he was all alone.
~ ~ ~
"I've been biding my time
Been so subtly kind
I've got to think so selfishly
'Cause you're the face inside of me
I've been biding my days..."
The sun was in his eyes, rousing him from sleep. He shifted slightly, rolling onto his side, and as his vision cleared, he saw Britney Spears lying beside him, deep asleep.
Justin felt a pang of disappointment.
"You see, evidently it pays
I've been a friend with unbiased views
And then secretly lust after you
So now you feel lusty
You're bored and bemused..."
Shame immediately followed, and he bit his lip to keep from cursing himself. It was happening again. He had thought, after that last time, that it was over. But he was wrong, because all he could think of last night was Joshua Chasez.
"You wanna do someone else
So you should be by yourself
Instead of here with me
Secretly..."
A part of him was attracted to men. He knew that, even accepted it once he realized he couldn't change it. But that way led to madness, to fear and prejudice. To a lifetime of hiding from the cameras, of never being honest, never being REAL.
Britney had been an escape from all that. His lifeline, his ticket to normality. He could hide behind her, use her to shield him from that turmoil. And in time he had grown to care for her, to love her. He became content, maybe even happy.
But things were changing. JC was marrying Christina, and something in Justin hurt when he thought about it. Deep down, hadn't he always dreamed it would be them in the end? That somehow, someday, they would be together? He'd denied those feelings, had resisted them outright, because if he gave in to them, they would change his life forever. And the one thing Justin dreaded most was change: It had been that way ever since he came home from school one day to find his father gone and his things packed and ready to go. Just like that. As if he had never existed.
Was THAT, then, why he had tried to propose marriage to Britney? Because he needed something to fill the void? Or maybe he'd hoped that committing himself to Britney would make his connection with her stronger than the bond he shared with JC.
But it hadn't worked out that way. Instead of getting engaged, Justin had spent the night fucking Britney and fantasizing about JC.
"Trying hard to think pure
Bloody hard when I'm raw
You're talking out so sexually
About boys and girls and your friggin' dreams
So now you feel lusty
You're hot and confused..."
He started to cry, as quietly as he could so as not to wake Britney up. She had no idea. No idea that as she arched her back and moaned Justin's name over and over again, he was hearing someone else's voice. He was imagining a strong, flat chest when he touched her breasts, felt JC's musclar legs wrapped around his waist and not Britney's lean limbs.
It wasn't fair. She didn't deserve such cruelty, not after everything she had done for him. He couldn't break her heart like this, it wasn't right. He was fantasizing about something that could never be: JC loved Christina. She made him happy. He would never throw that away.
Never.
"You wanna do someone else
So you should be by yourself
Instead of here with me
Secretly..."
Slipping out of bed, Justin silently got dressed. The band had a photo shoot in a few hours, no one would mind if he was actually early for once. Besides, Britney would be up soon, and she'd ask him why he wasn't in bed with her. And he'd have to lie. Again.
It hurt to lie to her, to deceive her every single day they were together. But he needed her. As long as she was with him, he could be normal. He could be okay. The alternative was to lose both JC AND Britney, and let his entire life fall into ruins.
He had no choice. The lie would continue.
"So now you've been busted
You're caught feeling used
You had to do someone else
You shoulda been by yourself
You had to do someone else
You shoulda been by yourself
Instead of here with me
Secretly...
Secretly..."
The crisis, for the time being, was over, and Justin felt himself sag against the wall in relief. For a few minutes he drifted, unaware of what was going on around him, until someone slid down next to him.
"You wanna talk?" Lance asked gently, putting a hand on Justin's shoulder.
The younger blonde actually considered it for a moment, but then shook his head. "Not much to say."
There was, actually, a whole goddamn lot to say, but Lance already knew that. The photo shoot had been a complete disaster, and no one could figure out the cause.
It had started off normally: They'd begun with individual shots, and Justin had gone along with it well enough. But when it was time for the group photos, that's when things changed.
Since the beginning of N'Sync, Justin and JC always stood close during group shots. Sometimes the photographer would separate them, but for the most part they would be together whenever they could. A symbol of their eternal friendship.
Today wasn't like that, though. Today, Justin had avoided JC as much as he could. The photographer was remarkably lenient, it probably didn't seem too unusual to him. But for Justin to stand on one side of the group with JC all the way at the other end... it was rare, almost unheard of.
Something was terribly wrong, and the young teen knew his bandmates were aware of that. When the two lead singers stopped touching, stopped LOOKING at each other, there was definitely something amiss.
But worse still was JC's own reaction. It was as if somehow, he knew: the older teen was consciously avoiding Justin's occasional glances, doing his level best to stay as far away from his childhood friend as he could. Justin had spent the entire shoot shaking inwardly with fear, thinking of what would happen when they would be FORCED to have it out. And then there was the issue of how JC could POSSIBLY know, when he hadn't breathed a word of it to anyone in his entire life?
"Did you two fight or something?" Lance softly inquired, his deep voice soothing Justin's nerves just a bit. The younger blonde snorted softly.
"I wish we had. It would make things so much easier." He drew in a shuddering breath. "Look, Lance, I really appreciate this... but I just need to be alone right now."
His bandmate's hand remained on his shoulder for a moment longer, then Lance was gone. Taking another deep breath and holding it, Justin got to his feet and headed for the door, wanting nothing more than to get as far away from JC Chasez as possible. He needed to collect his wits, to figure out a plan... maybe JC just suspected, maybe he wasn't SURE...
Just before he turned the corner, he heard footsteps coming his way, and recognized JC's voice. Fighting down a surge of panic, Justin immediately spum around and ducked under the refreshment table. He felt silly, and if someone found him he'd never hear the end of it. But right now, the only thing he knew was that he wasn't ready to face his best friend yet.
As he lay on his stomach, he saw two pairs of feet stop at the table. One was JC, and Justin guessed the other was Chris.
He was proven correct when he heard Chris ask: "Are you sure?"
One of JC's feet was nervously tapping the floor. "Yeah, I'm sure." His voice was strained, like he was trying to deal with something he'd rather ignore. "God, this is the LAST thing I need right now. With the tabloids coming after me and my mom lording it over the wedding coordinators, I just can't handle anything else. Let alone something like this."
Tears came to Justin's eyes, but he wiped them away stubbornly. Just as he'd always feared: Now that JC knew about his feelings, he saw his best friend as a nuisance, as another problem to take care of. A burden. The thought that JC might even HATE him was too much, but the blonde bit his lip to keep from sobbing aloud. Though his heart was breaking, he needed to hear JC say it, he needed to hear it all, or there would always be some part of him wondering...
Chris shifted his weight slightly. "Have you... I mean, did you talk to him?"
JC snorted, tapping the floor faster. "And what would I tell him?"
The older N'Syncer chuckled at this, but immediately sobered. "This is such a mess." he remarked sadly. He took a step forward, and from Justin's vantage point below the table, he guessed that Chris was squeezing JC's shoulder supportively.
"You don't HAVE to go through with it, you know." he said plainly.
Justin's eyes narrowed. What did that mean? Go through with what?
JC groaned. "It's too late. WAY too late." There was such despair in his voice now, Justin was astonished. Was he really making JC feel so bad? Or was it something else, something more?
"As a good buddy of mine told me the morning of my wedding, it's never too late to back out."
Chris' tone was dead-serious, and Justin's jaw dropped. But JC practically took the words right out of his mouth. "You're not married!"
"Exactly." Chris replied, suddenly a little bitter, a little distant. That was gone a moment later, but Justin knew he'd never forget that brief glimpse into the older man's past. "There's no sin in changing your mind, Josh."
Justin's head was spinning with confusion. The conversation had suddenly lost all clarity, and he struggled to make sense of what was being said.
"Jesus..." JC shifted again, and suddenly slammed a fist down on the table. It rattled under the force of the blow, and Justin almost gave a shrill yelp. Luckily, he was able to keep silent despite the roar of blood in his ears, and the sound of his heart hammering in his chest.
"You know, it makes sense. I wish it didn't, but it does." JC continued, leaning against the table. "Looking at us, can you believe we're best friends? He's nothing like me, we're almost total opposites. When I'm with Christina, it's always about all the things we have in common." He paused. "Why is this happening to me, Chris? Everything was fine until yesterday! Why did things have to change?"
Justin found himself echoing JC's sentiment. He still didn't know how JC had found out, but he'd give anything to undo that knowledge. In the long run, he needed JC, in ANY form: best friend, bandmate, distant acquaintance... anything, but he had to be there.
"I wish he hadn't told me."
Again, shock coursed over the concealed blonde. He hadn't even HINTED that he was interested in JC! What insanity was this?
"He told you because he's your best friend." Chris explained unnecessarily. "He made a big decision, and wanted you to be the first to know. You should be happy he's confident enough to take such a big step with her."
Britney?! What the HELL... Justin inhaled deeply as the puzzle pieces fell into place. Of course. The engagement ring. That's what they were talking about; JC didn't know that Justin hadn't followed through. As far as he knew, Justin and Britney were now an engaged couple.
And that bothered him.
Confusion gave way to curiosity, and Justin moved forward just a bit, clearing his mind. Was THAT was disturbed JC so much? That Justin and Britney had agreed to spend the rest of their lives together?
There was a sudden tremble in JC's voice now. "Oh God, Chris, how could I have been so stupid? So BLIND?!"
Chris obviously wasn't prepared for this outburst, but he adjusted remarkably well, pulling JC into a soft hug. "You're not blind, Josh. Just scared." he reassured. "But I would've been okay with it. Same goes for Joey and Lance. At the end of the day, you have to do what makes you happy."
"All I ever wanted was someone to share my life with." JC cried. "I never wanted things to get so complicated!"
"It's life, JC. You can't always call the shots." Chris broke away from his bandmate and looked into his eyes. "Either way, someone's gonna get hurt. You can't prevent that. It comes down to who you want to be with."
JC sniffed. "How am I supposed to make that choice? I love Christina, she's the perfect girl for me..."
"But..." Chris prompted.
"But I've always had this... this vague certainty that I'd end up with Justin in the long run. Somewhere, somehow... we'd get drunk after a concert, or spend Christmas night together, and it would just HAPPEN. My destiny."
A warm feeling blossomed throughout Justin's body, and he found himself smiling like a total dork. Could it be? Did JC actually share his dreams of getting together? Was it actually... POSSIBLE?!
"Even when I asked Christina to marry me, it didn't feel REAL. I kept thinking that it didn't matter, that even if I walked down the aisle with her it would still be Justin in the end. And now..." He sighed sadly. "I AM blind, Chris. I kept my mouth shut for seven years, thinking he would wait for me. Like he was my property, like he couldn't fall for anyone but me. And now I've lost him."
For a split-second, Justin tensed up, ready to burst up from under the table and jump into JC's arms. But that wouldn't be right: He'd been purposely eavesdropping on a private conversation. JC would be angry with him.
"I have to go." JC whispered. "I'm sorry I dumped all this on you, man..."
Chris patted JC on the back. It sounded like he was smiling. "Told you that Psych course would come in handy someday. Hang in there, bro."
And they were gone, just like that. Justin let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and crawled out from under the table. It wasn't until he stood that he realized his knees were shaking.
~ ~ ~
Orlando, Florida
The tension had started building in the waiting room as Lance was signing himself out. Slowly but surely, it had gotten worse as they climbed into the taxi taking them to the airport. The flight had diffused their tempers a bit, as they'd slept most of the way, but once they stepped into the tour bus, their familiar home away from home, it had started all over again. Joey was glaring at JC, JC was glaring at Lance, Lance kept his eyes on the floor and Chris just ignored everyone, playing with Busta.
It was hard to believe that these angry men were supposed to be the closest of friends, a second family. Moreso because one of their sisters was leaving them.
Christina Aguilera adjusted the duffel bag on her shoulder, wiping her eyes as she collecting the rest of her things. As she passed JC, he stood up and pulled her into a tight hug.
"I don't want to go." she whispered in his ear, unable to hold her pain in anymore.
"You have to." JC replied just as softly, stroking her hair.
"I'm abandoning you. It's not right."
JC shook his head, backing up slightly so she could look into his eyes. "You've already done so much for us." He tried to smile, but couldn't quite do it. "But it's over for now. You need to get away from all this, just for a little while."
It was true: Justin's condition had deeply affected her, more than she was willing to admit. Her glamorous exterior had ebbed away in the past few days, to the point where purple smudges were starting to form under her eyes. The tabloids were probably chipping away at her reputation even as they stood here.
Joey came up to the blonde girl and put a hand on her shoulder. "We'll keep you posted, Chrissy, I promise." He took a long look at her and grimaced; she really WAS losing it. "But if you don't take some time off, you're gonna fall apart."
She started to cry, knowing he was right. The entire situation was taking its toll on her: Seeing Justin in a coma was only part of it. N'Sync was collapsing. She knew it, she could sense it, but was powerless to stop it. Joey was badmouthing JC to anyone who would listen, JC was entirely focused on hating Lance, and Chris was paralyzed by indecision and exhaustion. All this because of one person.
But Justin Timberlake was the heart of the team, the glue that held them together, and without him their unity was slipping away, crumbling to dust. Christina had tried to fight the decay, but her efforts were in vain. And that, her utter uselessness, was destroying her.
As she stood on her toes to kiss Joey goodbye, she brought her mouth close to his ear and whispered: "Keep it together. For Justin."
And then she was gone. Not even looking back as she disembarked from the tour bus.
Suddenly, everything seemed a lot gloomier.
~ ~ ~
A quartet of teens staggered into the Harliss house, all quite drunk. The result of double date that had gone all wrong... or maybe too right.
They'd gone out to a restaurant, and Justin couldn't help a sad smile at their seating arrangements: Britney next to him, JC directly across the table. It was an analogy for his entire life; His girlfriend had always stood by him, but his best friend would always be that unattainable goal, that forbidden future he would always lust after.
JC was still very uncomfortable around Justin, but now that the blonde knew why, it was like seeing his best friend for the first time. There was something more than friendship there.
Though Justin's common sense screamed for him to act natural, the youngster couldn't obey. He needed to see if JC's feelings went beyond the emotional. In other words, he needed to see if he could turn his best friend on.
So while Britney talked on about her recent special in Hawaii, and Christina discussed plans for her next album, Justin had slowly removed one of his shoes and touched his heel to JC's leg. When the initial contact was ignored, Justin slowly slid his foot upwards.
JC had abruptly choked on a piece of chicken, shooting Justin an astonished look as Christina rained blows on his back. But the curly-haired teen concentrated on his spaghetti, resisting the urge to meet JC's glare.
After agonizingly long minutes, the blonde drew his foot higher, rubbing against JC's thigh. The older teen's hands had started to tremble, and he'd cleared his throat nervously. But he didn't get up or push Justin's foot away, which only encouraged the would-be seducer more.
Finally moving in for the kill, Justin leaned forward just a bit and grazed his toes against JC's groin. For a moment, he marvelled at the firm bulge, proof of how aroused his best friend was. And then JC bolted upwards with a yelp, almost knocking down a waiter in the process.
"Josh!" Christina hissed, pulling him back down into his seat. "What's wrong with you?!"
He hadn't answered, but Justin almost had. Rather than say anything, he merely smiled knowingly to himself, making sure to avoid JC's eyes at all costs.
After they'd calmed down, JC had immediately switched from soda to wine; obviously he felt the only way to take his mind off Justin was to get stinking drunk. And Justin was so deliriously happy that he went along with it. Britney and Christina, not wanting to be left out, joined in the fun as well, and soon they were all blitzed. Luckily, they'd had the presence of mind to get a taxi and proceed directly to Lynn's house.
Once they were all inside, Christina made a break for the bathroom, locking the door behind her. Britney, having a much stronger constitution than her friend, merely yawned, kissed Justin good-night and trudged up the stairs to her room.
And the lead singers of N'Sync were alone.
Their eyes met for the briefest of moments, and Justin idly wondered if JC knew what Justin had been doing at the restaurant. But the older teen was silent, his expression betraying nothing.
"So... I guess it's just us." Justin stated plainly, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Wanna watch some TV?"
JC nodded nonchalantly. "I need some water... I'll be right back." With that, he staggered towards the kitchen. Justin sighed and unceremoniously threw himself onto the couch. What he needed was a distraction; he grabbed the remote control and started channel-surfing. But it was late, and the only thing on was a Jerry Springer rerun: "I'm Cheating On My Lover With My Best Friend."
Shifting uncomfortably, Justin noticed that the VCR was on. Lynn had been watching something before going to bed. Curious, he hit the play button. After a few seconds of static, an old episode of the MMC came on.
Justin found himself grinning widely; he remembered this. It had been shortly after he'd joined the cast. There he was, singing "Cry For You" with Dale, Ryan and JC. God, had he ever been so young, so naive? And yet sometimes he longed for those faraway days when everything had been simpler, when the worst thing that could happen was getting caught kissing a girl and having to deal with the other boys' teasing. He could practically hear them now: Do you LIKE her? Did you close your eyes? Eew, she stuck her tongue in your mouth? Gross!
If THAT was gross, you REALLY don't want to know what I'm thinking about right now. the blonde allowed himself to chuckle, imagining what kind of reaction he might have gotten kissing JC in the old days, or Tony Lucca... young boys were easily confused by their own shallow perceptions. Kissing a girl was the ultimate no-no, but kissing a guy? Why would you want to do that?
Justin's introspective moment came to a premature end when a body toppled over the couch, crashing onto him. Justin yelled in surprise as JC shifted.
"Oops." the older teen dully exclaimed, obviously more drunk than Justin had first thought. JC adjusted his position so that he was lying on top of Justin, and they were face to face. Justin could smell the alcohol on JC's breath; it added to the warm buzz fogging his own thoughts.
"What're ya watchin'?" JC slurred, moving just a bit to look at the screen. His hips brushed against Justin's, and suddenly the blonde felt very, very frightened.
"Us." he was barely able to utter. Turning away from JC, he glanced at the screen and saw that the footage had switched to one of Lynn's home recordings: Justin, Britney, Christina, JC and Keri Russell were sitting in a circle on one of the empty MMC sets, playing "Truth or Dare".
JC snickered and looked down at the teen pinned beneath him. "Truth or dare?"
Justin rolled his eyes. "Are you nuts?"
"Truth or dare?" JC insisted.
With a sigh, Justin replied: "Truth."
JC shifted again, and Justin felt his breath catch in his throat. He'd never really been so close to JC before; the feel of the strong, unyielding body trapping him was impossibly powerful.
"Is Britney your first love?"
Justin raised an eyebrow, clearly confused. "I never dated anyone else."
The brown-haired teen shook his head. "That's not what I asked. Had you ever been in love with someone before her?"
They locked eyes, and Justin understood. JC knew the answer, he just wanted to hear it from Justin.
"No." Justin whispered. There. He had said it aloud, for the first time in his life, and now that the floodgate had opened he found he couldn't stop. "There was someone before her, someone who meant the world to me... but I was just a kid. I wasn't ready to love someone like that. I guess I let myself think that if we were meant to be, then someday, when we were ready, we'd get together."
JC nodded silently. He knew exactly what Justin was talking about.
"My turn." the blonde whispered, feeling a slow and steady hum wash over his thoughts. It was starting; like a volcano that had taken seven years to erupt, their bond had grown in strength and intensity until finally it was leading to an explosion that neither could prevent.
The clip of the children playing was gone now, replaced with the first N'Sync music video Lynn had ever taped.
"Dare." JC murmured, as Justin knew he would.
"It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I feel the pain
With or without you..."
That old, familiar fear came rushing back to Justin: Fear of change, fear that he would never forget this night, that it would break his life out of its comfortable routine and send it careening into the unknown. There would be no more certainties, no more security. This was his last chance to turn back, to run upstairs and dive into bed with Britney. He'd be safe. Things would stay the same, and when he woke up in the morning everything would be exactly the way he'd left it.
"Say it, Justin." JC pleaded, grinding hard against his best friend. Justin could feel JC's body throbbing with need, and oh God he'd never felt so ALIVE...
The words came out on their own, a barely audible whisper.
"I dare you to fuck me."
"Baby I don't understand
Just why we can't be lovers
Things are getting out of hand
Trying too much, but baby we can't win
Let it go
If you want me girl, let me know
I am down on my knees
I can't take it anymore..."
Their lips met, not softly but with a frenzied hunger that was purely physical. JC's tongue slithered into Justin's mouth, and the younger teen sucked on it willingly as he wrapped his legs around JC's waist.
The passionate exchange was interrupted, if only for a moment, when Justin reached down between them and pulled JC's shirt over his head. JC leaned in, lapping at Justin's neck like a cat would a bowl of milk. The blonde sighed in ecstasy, biting JC's shoulder and raking his fingers down the other's back. In response, one of JC's questing hands dipped between his friend's legs, fondling the cloth-bound bulge.
"It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I feel the pain
With or without you..."
Unable to hold himself back anymore, Justin unzipped JC's fly and slipped his fingers in, finding his friend's erection and pulling it out of its denim prison. JC immediately drew himself up on his knees, rubbing a sweat-slick hand up and down his length as he locked eyes with Justin.
"Suck it." the older teen commanded, and Justin eagerly complied, pushing JC against the couch and wrapping his lips around the pulsing manhood.
"Baby don't misunderstand
What I'm trying to tell ya
In the corner of my mind
Baby it feels like we're running out of time
Let it go
If you want me girl, let me know
I am down on my knees
I can't take it anymore..."
JC moaned his pleasure as Justin continued the blowjob, sliding his tongue up and down the eager meat. The older teen's fingers caught in his friend's golden curls, and he pushed the blonde down harder, pumping his hips at the same time. Justin paused for a moment, but quickly regained his equilibrium and relaxed as JC fucked his face.
"Oh yeah..." JC groaned, arching his head back. "Fuck, that feels good..."
And so it continued: JC spewing vulgar phrases as Justin serviced him. Though aroused to the point of agony, the younger teen couldn't help but feel disappointed. There was no tenderness here, no love. JC wasn't reciprocating, didn't even show any interest in doing so.
This wasn't how he'd imagined their first time.
"It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I feel the pain
With or without you..."
JC was close; he was panting for breath now, his upper torso covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He thrust harder into Justin's eager mouth, and suddenly gave one last choked scream before snapping his hips up and shooting his load into Justin's mouth.
Though part of him was proud to give JC such pleasure, Justin was unprepared for the sheer viciousness of the climax: Wave after wave of cum flooded the youngster's mouth, and though he hadn't planned to, he ended up swallowing most of it. His head swam with nausea and confusion: It didn't even TASTE right. Too salty, too thick and sticky and dry.
His own desires unsatisfied, Justin crawled up JC's body with a grin, leaning in to kiss his new lover. But JC tensed up and moved his head away. "Justin..." the older teen began, and Justin could hear the honest regret, almost bordering on denial. Whatever had just happened between them, it was over and would NOT happen again.
But before JC could actually say those words, someone else spoke.
"What's going on?" Britney Spears asked sleepily as she trudged down the stairs, rubbing her eyes. Justin felt his blood go cold as he looked up, meeting his girlfriend's horrified stare. She stood at the base of the stairs, frozen in shock at the sight presented to her.
"Britney..." Justin whispered. The next words that sprang to mind were "This isn't what it looks like", but that was, in fact, a lie. This was EXACTLY what it appeared to be, and she knew it.
The young woman's lips trembled as she looked at her boyfriend with watery eyes. Then, with a cry of distress, she spun around and bolted up the stairs. The sound of a lock falling into place soon followed.
"Oh my God..." Another voice came from the direction of the bathroom, and this time it was JC's turn to go pale. He roughly pushed Justin off him and scrambled to his feet to find Christina Aguilera standing outside the bathroom door, a hand clamped over her mouth. The blonde girl immediately took off, right through the front door. Shouting his fiance's name, JC zipped up his fly and gave chase, eyes wide with despair.
For a moment longer, Justin remained on the floor, dazed by how quickly everything was unravelling. Then he stood and ran after JC.
Outside, the sobbing Christina had just gotten into her car and locked the doors. JC was trying to open them while desperately begging her to listen to him, to let him explain.
Christina's response was to floor the accelerator and shift into reverse. The car shot out like a bullet, tires squealing with protest. Once clear of the Harliss driveway, she stopped for a brief moment to shift gears.
She didn't even notice the truck barrelling down on her.
The other driver immediately hit the brakes as Christina's smaller car burst out of nowhere and halted right in his path. But his momentum was too great, the distance between them too small, and collision occurred.
The shriek of metal on metal seemed to silence every other sound in the world, save JC's scream. The older teen was sprinting towards the damaged car, and in a blur of movement he leaned inside and pulled his fiance out of the wreck, cradling her in his arms as he knelt on the asphalt.
Justin caught up with his best friend a moment later, and immediately felt a knot of dread and disbelief form in his stomach. Christina was dead. He could tell just by looking at her; her head hung at an unnatural angle. She had broken her neck.
"Christina..." JC whispered in a choked voice. He shook her gently, checked her pulse, but he already knew. "Oh God, Christina, don't die on me..."
"Josh..." Justin murmured, kneeling next to the dead girl. Tears were welling up in his eyes, but he could distinctly see JC's face as the older teen looked at him.
There was nothing but blame in his eyes.
~ ~ ~
With a sad sigh, Britney parted the curtains and opened the window, letting some fresh air into the room.
Justin's room, in his mother's house. He was home, for what little comfort that provided. Lynn was doing a great job fending off the media and N'Sync's management, but she was being worn out.
That was probably why Lynn had agreed to let Britney come with her. She needed help, and Britney was the only available person she trusted completely.
But even though she was doing her best, the pop star knew she wasn't the one Justin needed.
"How is he?" Lynn asked as she walked into the room, tiredly rubbing her eyes.
Britney looked down at the comatose teen. Maybe Lynn had thought that dressing Justin in his own clothes, letting him lie in his own bed, would have some effect. But as far as she could tell, there was no change. She didn't even have to tell that to Lynn, it was painfully obvious.
"Justin needs him, Mrs. Harliss." Britney said, glancing out the window.
"No." Lynn's voice was steel-hard now, unrelenting. "He'll never set foot in this house again, not as long as I'm alive."
Britney turned to face Lynn. Justin wasn't improving, and they both knew he was running out of time.
"I was at their wedding, Mrs. Harliss." Britney challenged. "I don't believe Josh would cheat on Justin. Especially not with Lance."
Lynn shook her head, folding her arms. "I'm sorry, Britney. But everything I've heard has me CONVINCED..."
"Forget about what you heard." the younger girl insisted. "You were there too, Mrs. Harliss. You saw how much JC loves Justin. Do you really think he could do something like this?"
Lynn faltered slightly, taking a long look at her poor, defenseless son. She remembered when he was just a little boy, how reluctant he'd been to join the Mickey Mouse Club. And yet, only a few days later, it was like he had spent his entire life there. All thanks to an older boy Justin would later introduce to her as his best friend in the whole world. Joshua Scott Chasez, age 16.
Another memory came: The MMC had been cancelled, and JC was home, in Maryland. She remembered how upset Justin had been, how he'd stare out the window when it rained, or eat his meals in total silence. Sometimes he would start crying for no apparent reason, and Lynn had honestly been frightened. She had no idea what he was thinking, and that scared her. It was only when he saw JC again, a full year later, that the light returned to her son's eyes.
She needed to see that light again. Whatever the cost.
"Call him." Lynn muttered, turning away from Britney. Part of her was screaming that she was making a mistake, but she didn't care. If JC was the only one who could save her son, then so be it. "Tell him Justin needs him."
Britney breathed a sigh of relief and reached for the phone.
JC moved like a hurricane, stuffing some shirts into a backpack as he hurriedly pulled his jacket on and tied his shoelaces. Once he was ready, he grabbed the backpack and headed for the door.
Only to find Joey Fatone blocking the way.
The red-haired teen looked JC over for a moment. "Going somewhere?"
"As a matter of fact, I am." he replied confidently. "Lynn wants me to help her take care of Justin."
Joey snorted. "Haven't you done enough?"
JC narrowed his eyes, and it occurred to him that Lance was out of the hospital, and well enough to fend for himself. JC had no real reason to keep the truth a secret anymore. It was time to come clean.
"Okay, that's it." JC exclaimed, setting his backpack down and facing Joey. "You want the truth? This is all Lance's fault, not mine. He was working with Jack the whole time."
Joey's eyes narrowed, but JC continued before he could reply. "He set us up, Joe. He set us all up. That picture was a fake, Lance was out to ruin my marriage."
The taller teen shook his head. "YOU ruined your marriage, Chasez. God, I never knew you could be such a bastard." He poked a finger in JC's chest, his anger rising. "You knew Justin didn't want to marry you, but you made him go through with it anyway. Then you take advantage of Lance, and you think I'll actually listen to your lies?"
"It's not a lie." A soft, deep voice came from behind them, and Joey turned to find Lance, eyes brimming with tears, standing there. He had heard the entire exchange.
"Lance..." the redhead began, but Lance held up a hand for silence.
"It's true, Joey." the blonde whispered. "It's all true."
Joey shook his head. "Lance, you don't have to take the fall for him..."
"I DID IT!" the blonde screamed, kicking one of the bunks. Tears were sliding down his cheeks, but his voice didn't waver in the slightest. "Stop treating me like I'm the victim! I got EXACTLY what I deserved!"
Shocked to the core, Joey gaped at his friend. "What are you saying?"
Lance locked eyes with his taller friend. "I didn't know it would turn out like this, I swear I didn't. But it did." He took a deep breath, realizing he was going to lose another dear friend today. But that was the devil's deal he had made: A chance with JC, in exchange for the love of his closest friends.
"JC never cheated on Justin. It was all a trick to break them up." Lance whispered, hanging his head. "I didn't care that JC didn't want me. I thought... I thought maybe he would, if only Justin wasn't around." He shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. He was going to be alone soon, he needed to be strong. "I'm the reason Justin's in a coma. I sold him out, Joe, plain and simple. And I can't take your compassion or your sympathy anymore."
For a long moment, Joey stared at Lance, his face unreadable. Then, drawing in a shuddering breath, he left, looking straight ahead until he was out of eyesight.
A few seconds later, Chris emerged from behind the entrance to the bunk area, with Busta in his arms. Even the dog seemed to condemn Lance with its big brown eyes, but Chris merely pressed his lips into a fine line and walked away.
Lance felt his heart breaking all over again. So that was it. Not with a bang, or even a whimper. In the end, there was just the damning silence.
He turned back to JC, and for a brief instant, the older teen felt a pang of sympathy. Lance was shaking in terror; He loved them so much, and now they were leaving him one by one. And he could only blame himself.
"I won't ask you to forgive me." Lance said, his voice finally mirroring the gut-wrenching fear coursing through him. "You can't. You shouldn't. I can never make up for what I did." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small object, pressing it into JC's palm. "But I can at least try."
JC's eyes widened slightly. It was Justin's original wedding ring. Lance had had it all along.
"Go." the blonde whispered, pointing to the door. "Bring him back."
JC swallowed hard, not sure what to do. Should he thank Lance for confessing? But if it hadn't been for Lance, none of this would have happened in the first place.
I won't ask you to forgive me. You can't.
He was right. JC didn't have his husband's compassion, his ability to forgive and forget so easily. JC would never forgive Lance. Never.
"I... um..." JC searched for the right words. What could he say?
Lance turned away from JC, wrapping his arms around himself. "Just go."
JC went.
~ ~ ~
Justin stood before the grave of Christina Aguilera, alone. Scattered in the crowd of mourners were Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick and Lance Bass, members of what was once N'Sync. Christina's death was the death of the group: they weren't ready to find out like this. Maybe if they'd had a little more time, or if they'd suspected something from the start... But this was too sudden, too out of the blue, and it was too much to handle.
Standing apart from them, flanked by her parents, was Britney Spears. When she came to lay roses on her friend's body, she brushed past Justin as though he didn't exist. She didn't even look at him. In a day, they had gone from being in love, being lovers, to not even being friends. She would have nothing more to do with him, and he knew that after today, he would never see her again.
Lynn Harliss had also turned her back on her son, shunning him when she learned of the crimes he'd committed. Maybe someday, she would accept him again. Maybe.
But he could lose his bandmates, his girlfriend, even his mother, and still go on. There was only one person he couldn't live without.
Standing on the other side of the grave, with Christina's coffin between them, was JC Chasez. He hadn't spoken a word to Justin since his fiance's death, but every time the blonde looked at his best friend, he saw that awful blame again. The accusation that this was Justin's fault, that Justin had murdered Christina.
And he was, of course, correct. Oh, technically it was a combination of things that had killed her: She'd been drunk. She'd driven too fast. The other driver's brakes hadn't been operating at full efficency.
But at the end of the day, she'd run out of the house to meet her doom because her fiance's best friend had seduced him. That was all. And now Justin had lost everything.
If only he hadn't been with Britney. If only JC hadn't been with Christina. If only they had had more time.
Justin looked down at the coffin. Soon they would close it, lower it into the grave and cover it with dirt, and Christina Aguilera would be nothing more than a memory. The blonde wiped tears from his eyes, silently begging for Christina's forgiveness. But she couldn't give it, because she was dead.
"This is your fault." JC whispered in his ear, and Justin spun around with a gasp. How had JC gotten behind him so quickly?
But it wasn't just JC. A crowd was gathering behind the older teen: Britney, Chris, Joey, Lance, Lynn and Paul, Randall and Lisa, even Christina's parents. They were all glaring at him with hatred in their eyes.
With an angry roar, JC shoved Justin in the chest, sending the teen flying into the open grave. The blonde landed with a dull thud, knocking the wind out of him.
As he helplessly stared upwards, four people appeared at the mouth of the grave: JC, Britney, Christina and his mother. The four exchanged a glance, and immediately began shovelling dirt into the hole.
Justin instantly realized what they were doing and screamed. "NO! NOOOO!!!" He tried to stand, but couldn't.
"Ashes to ashes..." the minister intoned. "Dust to dust..."
"NOOOOOO!!!!" Justin screamed as a huge clump of mud and dirt landed on his chest. The teen clawed at air, and his thoughts dissolved into incoherent panic.
And instantly, Justin's perfect world shattered like a broken mirror, the shards dispersing into a black fog.
~ ~ ~
He lurched up with a scream, and heard glass breaking in response. Opening his eyes, he saw his mother standing before him, frozen in shock, her coffee mug in pieces at her feet.
"J... Justin?" Lynn stammered. Her son turned panicked eyes to her, and his lips began to tremble.
"Mom..." he whimpered like a lost little child, and Lynn rushed to her boy's side, grabbing him in a fierce embrace.
"My baby..." Lynn felt tears of joy well up in her eyes, and she didn't fight them. "You're all right, you're all right..."
"W... where am I?" Justin whispered, still bewildered. But before Lynn could answer, JC burst into the room, having heard the commotion.
The older teen immediately froze at the sight of Justin, awake and aware, hugging his mother like there was no tomorrow. A hand rose to JC's mouth, and he too began to cry. Justin was back. Everything would be all right now.
Justin caught sight of JC and immediately shifted, prying away from his mother to get a good look at the other teen. He stared at JC for a long, long moment, and then he cocked his head, eyes full of confusion.
Then he said three words which turned JC's world upside-down.
"Who are you?"
The End
Afterword: Well... I have to admit, this probably wasn't my best work. But I'm going to MORE than make up for it with the next story, and that's a promise! ;) The next fic is the series' finale, and it's titled (for now) "The More Things Change". I've already started work on the first chapter, so it should be out in a couple of weeks. Again, thanks to everyone who nominated me for the BBSA! Love ya!