Not suitable for under 18's Gift to Nifty **********************
Part 2: An ultimatum
As the first lockdown continued so did my casual 15-20 minutes of porn viewing a day continue and to be fair grow.
I was careful how I did this. Taking note of Aaron's diary, I made sure I pulled my cock out for those moments when I could grab a quiet session without being busted. The risk was way to exciting anyway, even if I knew he was busy, just jerking off had the risk his meeting would be cancelled and he'd walk in.
At this early stage I wasn't noticing an impact on our sex life. Everything seemed to be ok. When I needed to perform I did and I did it with the same energy as before.
Then I found a goon video, encouraging me to jerk off. That became everything, I didn't need to watch, just listen to it. My headphones pumping into my brain that I was a member of a global movement of gooners.
It repeated simple lines Gooner Stupid', Gooner Mindless', `Gooner Addicted' along with others over and over. Before long I just looped it in my ears. Even when doing normal things.
Aaron just thought I was listening to music or a podcast. Anything but sound file that was verbally degrading me whilst pumping trance music.
The file, although I wasn't aware at first, started to reprogram me. It pushed me into the rabbit hole.
Any goontard, even one like me who's managed to rebalance my world again can tell you the first principle of it is that you're entering a relationship with yourself. It's less that you're in one with porn, more that the self pleasure becomes so addictive, so perfect that sex with someone else becomes almost flat. You're your own sexual partner, able to do all sorts of things to yourself that maybe your partner wouldn't?
That file sunk me into that state. Stuffing my own fingers down my throat to gag, smearing my drool on my face, loving how this made me feel.
It made me feel like the file told me `stupid, mindless and addicted'.
It was in a smearing drool over my face moment I was caught by Aaron.
"Fuck, Sam, what the fuck are you up too?".
I didn't reply. Just held my phone up, passed him my headphones and let him listen.
I craved in that moment that he'd enjoy what he heard but he did not. Throwing my phone down.
"For fucks sake Sam, is this what you've been up to in here? Is this why you've turned into some type of conversational drone?"
"Gooner stupid" was my eloquent reply to my partner of 12 years.
"Right, simple here, either you quit this or I go. I'm not sticking about while you ruin yourself like this. I've read about it and it's dangerous. Guys wreck their lives". He was half angry, half concerned.
I subserviently nodded my head. Looking to the floor.
"Sam, quit the bullshit, speak".
"Yeah Aaron, I'll stop".
Never was a more pointless line said, I wouldn't, I couldn't, I'd dug to deep now.
************************ Love feedback: sam.willswill@mail.com