Into the Lion's Den
A story by e
c 2002 SunShine DayDreamers UnLimited
DISCLAIMER: This story contains graphic descriptions of violence. It also contains descriptions of sexual encounters between minors that are homosexual in nature. If offended by such things or if you are not of legal age in the country where you live, then read no further. The characters and events depicted in this story are completely fictional and any resemblance to any real persons, places, or events is purely coincidental. This story may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the author. Comments or questions regarding this story may be addressed to e and sent via email to e@iomfats.org.
Chapter 3
"Mike, are you really a fag?"
A hollow silence that seemed to last forever followed those words. But it didn't last forever, probably not even a full second. My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. My mother dropped a full bowl of mashed potatoes. It crashed into her plate with a deafening thud, splattering food everywhere, shattering the bowl, and knocking over her glass of ice tea. Everyone jumped in fright from the sound. It seemed the whole world was going in slow motion.
"SHIT!" It was my mom's voice.
It scared the living hell out of me. She NEVER cursed. My dad jumped out of his chair, trying to avoid the splattering of food headed his way. The chair fell over backwards and crashed to the floor.
David's eyes were wide as he backed away from the table, still in his chair. Both John and my little sister, Cathy, looked as though they were about to burst into tears, having been scared out of their wits.
My mother turned to David, "I don't want to hear that kind of language at the table." She didn't give him time to answer, "What in the devil's name prompted you to ask such a question?" Her voice was a mixture of anger and curiosity.
David looked too scared to speak, but did manage to utter a few words, "That's what some boys at school said about him. They said he likes to do sex things with boys."
"Well that explains why Rodney Johnson came into the shop today warning me to keep Mike away from his son." My dad had finally spoken.
Suddenly all eyes were on me. I felt them burning into me. Searing my flesh. I wanted to speak. I wanted to deny it. I could say nothing.
"Well, are you some sort of fruitcake?" His voice was cold, harsh.
I knew he wanted an answer. I just didn't have one. I just sat there, frozen. I must have been white as a ghost.
"GOD DAMMIT! You are a little fairy, aren't you?"
I could feel myself shaking, but I still couldn't make myself speak.
"Answer me when I talk to you!" WHACK!
I had seen his hand headed in my direction but I couldn't move. It connected with my left cheek and sent me reeling backwards, knocking me out of my chair. I fell to the floor and against the wall. My face was a raging fire from the pain. The tears rolling down my face felt like razor blades slicing my flesh. He stepped around the table, towering over me. I could see the hatred, the disgust, the disappointment in his eyes.
I couldn't remember the last time he'd hit me because there had never been a first time. I couldn't remember the last time he'd said he loved me, but there had been a last time. In that instant, I knew there would never be another.
Somehow my mother had stopped him from beating me senseless. Or maybe he had stopped himself. I'm not really sure which. Things got rather blurry after he hit me. I'd been given thirty minutes to pack and get out of the house before I "contaminated" my younger brothers. I wasn't even allowed to say goodbye. As I left the house, all I could hear was my mother imploring me to "get down on your knees and beg Jesus for forgiveness before your mortal soul is damned to hell for all eternity." She was going to pray for me.
I had managed to stuff my duffel bag with clothing and grab my sleeping bag, a camp light, and a book bag containing my journals and a couple of books. They were the only possessions that really meant anything to me. Books, I bring books. I've got no food, no water, I don't even know where I'm going to be sleeping, but I've got to bring books. How fucking stupid am I?
I knew I wasn't going to make it far. The pain in my ribs was too great and the stuff I was carrying was too heavy. There was an old tree house in the woods. It was less than a quarter mile away. I figured I could spend the night there.
I climbed up an entered the tree house, tossed my duffel bag into the corner, unrolled my sleeping bag, and pulled out a notebook. With tears streaming down my face and pain ripping through my body, I did the one thing that always made me feel better. I wrote.
Dad, whatever I've done,
And Dad, whatever I'll do,
I pray you're aware
Of the love I have for you.
I've disappointed,
I've brought you shame,
I've utterly failed,
And I'm to blame.
But you've carved me up,
And you've cast me out,
And now your love
I live without
And it is difficult
To chose to continue living.
For no father can ever know
How much his love can mean
To a son who hurts inside
And longs for his father's pride.
For no father can ever know
How much his love can mean
To a son with nothing more
Than his father's love to wish for.
Father, love your son,
No matter what I've done.
Father, love your son,
Whatever I become.
Father, love your son,
Don't tell me to move on.
And Father, love your son,
Most especially if I say,
"I really couldn't help it, Dad,
I just turned out this way.
But Dad, I pray that you'll still love me
Even if I'm gay."
But tonight, writing wasn't going to make me feel any better. The tears just weren't going to stop.
"Damn birds." I opened my eyes and looked at my watch. It was barely after 6am. It was too early to wake up, but I knew I wasn't going to get back to sleep. I never could sleep in when camping out. Camping out. Yeah. That's what I was doing. Don't I wish.
I felt a rumbling in my stomach. I hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday. No chance to even start on dinner. I wasn't even able to grab something to take with me last night. My mouth felt like it's grown hair. I was thirsty and had a foul taste in my mouth. I'd forgotten my toothbrush.
Tears began rolling down my face. I had no place to go. No place to be. I had a sunken, heavy feeling inside. Why did it have to be like this? I picked up my notebook and a pen, but after half an hour, the page was still blank, wet, but blank. I don't think I'd ever been too depressed to write.
I felt dirty, sticky. I needed a bath. I needed to brush my teeth. I needed to put on some clean clothes. I looked over at my bag. I realized that I had forgotten to bring any kind of toiletry item. No toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, razor, nothing. A lot of good clean clothes would do me.
The river. I could go to the river. We used to skinny dip down there. No one would be there this early. I could get undressed and splash around for a while. That might help me feel a little cleaner. I grabbed my duffel bag and left everything else behind. I walked quickly. I really needed this.
It wasn't far, maybe another quarter mile through the woods. I was there before I realized it. I hopped down over the bank and onto a small piece of exposed dirt. In the spring this would be underwater, but after the summer the water level had dropped enough to leave it exposed. I began to undress. It had been a while since the last time I'd been naked outdoors. I'd forgotten how good the sun and the air felt on my skin. I began to get hard.
I waded into the water. It wasn't very deep. Maybe three feet. It wasn't very wide either. Twenty feet or so from bank to bank. And the current was fairly slow. I noticed a couple of muskrat runs and thought back to the trapping my friend Kevin and I had done a couple years ago.
Kevin. He was supposed to be my best friend. I'd known him all my life. He lived up the street three house from us. We'd been pretty much inseparable since he moved in just before the start of first grade. But that seemed to be over now. He and the rest of our gang had turned and walked away when they saw me walking through the parking lot with Chris a few days ago. I'd tried to say hello, but there was no response. Not from Kevin, Jim, Scott. Not even from Frank, and Frank wasn't too particular about his friends. They just turned their backs and walked away.
The water was cool, but not cold. Just enough that I could feel my skin tighten as I dunked myself underneath. The warmth of the sun felt even better as I rose back above the surface. I splashed around a while and rubbed the cool water over my body, my arms, my legs, and my face, scrubbing myself lightly and rinsing away the dirt.
As I stepped out of the water, I realized I didn't have a towel. I'd have to drip dry. I climbed the bank and sat on a large rock in the sun. Its warmth and the cool air kept my skin taut and I could feel a slight tickling sensation as the fine hairs on my arms and legs began to dry and move with the breeze.
Again I began to get hard. I'm not certain how long I had been stroking myself before I realized what I was doing.
"Oh my God!" It was a girl's voice and was followed by giggles.
"Oh Shit!" I quickly spun around. It was Lisa and Sue. Two neighbor girls from down the street. Both were two years younger than me. I grabbed my crotch and crouched quickly behind the rock. The girls were between me and my clothes. They just stood there, pointing and laughing.
"You were playing with it, weren't you?"
"It's none of your business what I was doing. Now go away." I growled at them. I was hoping I could frighten them into leaving. But they didn't leave. They just continued giggling. How the hell was I going to get out of this? God this was embarrassing.
I glanced quickly at my clothes. I thought about running to them, trying to get dressed before they got too good a look. I was too late.
"Quick, Sue. Grab his clothes." Lisa pointed at them.
Sue and I moved simultaneously. I darted from behind the rock, one hand reaching for my clothes, the other still trying to cover my now shrunken boyhood. But Sue was a lot closer and got there first scooping up the ones I had been wearing and my duffel bag in one motion, then moving several feet away from where they had been. There was enough distance between us that if I started after her, she could turn and run before I could get there. The girls had shoes on. I didn't. That meant they could easily outrun me.
This was not good. I was now standing out in the open, naked, in front of a pair of giggling eighth grade girls. Shit!. What the hell was I going to do?
"Nice ass." They were giggling again. I just stood there, crouched over, with both hands once again between my legs.
"Let us see and we'll give you your clothes back."
"No way."
"What's the matter? Afraid of a couple of girls?"
I knew my face was red from embarrassment. I was beginning to sweat a little. This was about the most awful thing that had ever happened to me. I mean, what could be worse than getting caught by a couple of younger girls while you are jerking off in the woods?
"Just gimme my clothes back and I won't tell on you." Maybe the threat of their parents finding out would work.
"Stand up and show us your wiener and maybe WE won't tell on YOU."
FUCK! Not that it would have mattered if they did tell my parents. I'd been kicked out, after all. They already thought I was a pervert.
"If you don't show us, we're just going to take your clothes and leave you out here naked. How are you going to explain that to your mom?"
I wouldn't be explaining anything to my mom, but that wasn't the point. I was really left with no choice. I could let them look or I could become a nudist. In total humiliation, I straightened up and let my hands drop to my side.
"Oh wow, Sue. Look at it."
"I thought they were supposed to be bigger than that." Sue was giggling. I looked down. I wasn't hard anymore and it had shriveled up from the embarrassment to be to be about as small as it could get.
"It gets bigger." I said it rather meekly. I did not have a small dick, though it wasn't exactly making me proud at the moment.
"Yeah, isn't it supposed to stand up when a girl sees it?" Both girls were moving closer. Their eyes fixed on my crotch.
"Only if I think you're hot." If they were going to insult and make fun of my manhood, I could at least get in a little jibe of my own. The thing was, these girls were pretty hot, especially Lisa. She was about six inches shorter than me. Light brown hair, green eyes, and a very pretty smile. Her tits were big enough to make some high school girls jealous. Sue was an inch or two taller, but very thin. She had brown hair and brown eyes. Her smile was broader than Lisa's but she really had no chest to speak of. If only I were interested in girls.
"Yeah, I'll bet if we were boys it would stand up." There were more giggles. The girls were now within reach. I could easily have grabbed my clothes and ran. But for some strange reason, I just stood there and let them look.
"My brother says you like boys."
I didn't answer.
"It's really kind of ugly, isn't it? All hairy and brown and wrinkled and everything."
Why couldn't I move? Why was I just standing here and taking this? I didn't owe these girls anything. I sure as hell didn't deserve this kind of humiliation. Dammit! Why couldn't I at least get a hard on?
"Make it stand up and we'll give your clothes back." Lisa was gaining in confidence. Sue was still giggling.
I could feel my heart beating. My legs were shaking just a bit. I don't know what made me do it, but I reached down and took it into my hand and began pulling it.
"God, Lisa. He's really doing it." The girls were smiling. I noticed Sue lick her lips. They watched intently as I stood there playing with myself. I could feel it thickening, lengthening. Please just let me get a hard on and let them go away. I wasn't sure how much of this I could stand.
"Look Lisa, it's growing."
"Move your hand, let us see."
I let go of my dick, it was only about three quarters hard. The girls didn't know the difference, though.
"Well, maybe he likes girls after all."
"Yeah, it's still getting bigger."
My dick continued to rise while they watched until I was fully erect.
"Your balls are in there, huh?" Lisa was pointing at my sack.
"Yeah."
The two girls stood there and giggled for a moment.
"Turn around."
"What?"
"I want to see your butt, turn around."
I simply did as I was told. I had become their plaything. A toy.
"Now bend over."
I started to protest, but realized they had seen everything else. If they wanted to see my hole, well, why not? I did as they said. There were more giggles, some whispers too. After a moment I straightened up and turned back towards them.
"Ok, now how about my clothes. You've had your look."
Sue held them out to me.
"No wait!" Lisa protested, but it was too late.
I took my things and turned towards the rock. I wasn't even trying to cover myself anymore. Hell, they'd gotten a damn good look. Another minute or two wouldn't matter.
"Dammit Sue, we could've made him let us touch it."
Lisa was obviously dissappointed that she wasn't going to get to feel me up. I breathed a sigh of relief. It had been bad enough that I had to let her look. I didn't need some goofy little girl poking and squeezing my most private parts.
The girls began to leave. I just stood there looking at them as they walked away. They were still giggling and whispering about how funny looking it was. One of them said she'd never seen a naked boy before, probably Sue, but I couldn't tell which one.
Before I started dressing, I sat down on the rock and pondered my shame. Could things get any worse? Me and my little shriveled up wiener would no doubt become the favorite joke of eighth grade girls everywhere. Fuck! No home, no family, no friends, and now no dignity.
I was a mess. My life was a mess. Before today, I'd likely have chased them down and just taken my clothes from them. I might even have enjoyed getting caught. I might have encouraged them to get naked with me. Damn. I had just let a chance for my first real sexual experience with girls pass by without doing anything. I shook my head and sighed. There's really no doubt left, I really am a fag.
By the time I reached the tree house, it was nearly 9am. I figured that my mom would soon be leaving to do her usual Saturday morning shopping and it would be safe to go home. I wondered if my brothers would be there. Would they let me in?
I looked through the window in the garage door and noticed that my mom's car was still parked inside. She hadn't left. I stepped back into the bushes on the side of the house and decided that I would wait there. It didn't take long. John and Cathy were in the car with her. I figured David was still in the house. Once she was out of sight, I went around to the back door and turned the knob. It opened.
David was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast.
"Mike!" His eyes got big and his face lit up when he saw me. He jumped out of his chair and ran towards me. "Oh god Mike. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean." Tears were streaming down his face as he threw his arms around me and squeezed. I didn't hug him back, but I let him hug me for a few seconds before I pried his arms from around my waist.
"Please, Mike, please don't hate me. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't even know what a fag is." He was still crying.
Hate you? How could I hate my little brother?
"I don't hate you kiddo. But I am mad at you. What you did wasn't very nice."
"But Mike, I didn't know. I mean. I thought, well, you know. I thought it was something bad. I thought you'd get in trouble. But I didn't know it was like this. I didn't want." He couldn't continue. He'd already grabbed me around the waist again. "I love you Mike."
"I love you too, David. But I am going to be mad at you for a while. You understand that don't you?"
He nodded his head, but I knew he didn't understand. How could he? I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back this time. I didn't have the energy for anything else.
He looked up at me after a few moments. I took a napkin from the table and wiped the tears from his eyes.
"Can you stay?"
"No David, I don't think I'm allowed to be here anymore. "
"Dad says you're sick. He doesn't want us to get sick from you."
Leave it to my dad to tell them I have some sort of disease. God I hated that man right now.
"Mom said you're going to hell. She said you've sinned against nature, whatever that means."
I didn't know which one was worse, my redneck father or my Bible thumping mother. But I knew one thing. I felt like throwing up and I really needed a shower.
David followed me upstairs to my room. He sat on my bed, just sort of watching while I got undressed. I needed a shower, a real bath. I figured I would get one as long as I was here. I had no idea when I'd have the opportunity to get another. David followed as I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I wasn't really worried about being naked in front of him. He'd seen me naked plenty of times and had often followed me into the shower. Usually he'd be talking a mile a minute, but today he was silent. It felt like he was trying to get as good a look at me as possible, like maybe he thought he'd never see me again. I was glad I was behind the shower curtain. At least he wouldn't be able to see my tears.
We were back in my room and I was starting to get dressed when he finally broke his silence.
"What is a fag, anyway?"
I smiled to myself. The poor little guy really didn't know.
"Well, you know how when boys get bigger, they get girlfriends, then get married and have children?"
He nodded.
"Well, fags don't do that. They get boyfriends instead."
"Is Chris your boyfriend?"
"Yes, he is."
"Do you guys do sex stuff like Bobby said.?"
I chuckled. Had I been that naive when I was eleven?
"We kiss sometimes."
"You mean like, on the lips?"
I nodded.
"Ewww."
"Yeah, that's what most people seem to think."
"So am I gonna be a fag too? Dad said that's why you had to leave. He doesn't want me and John to end up like you."
"I don't know, David, you might be, but you might not. Regardless, it won't have anything to do with me."
"How will I know?"
"I'm not sure. But when the time comes, you'll know whether you like boys or girls."
Why did you decide to be a fag?"
"Well, it's not really something I decided. It just sort of happened. Chris told me he was gay and I just got the urge to kiss him. But I think I knew before then. I just didn't want to admit it."
"Oh." He was looking at the floor. I could tell he didn't quite understand.
"There's something else you need to know, though."
My brother looked up at me.
"Fag is not a nice word. It's really pretty mean. Kinda like calling a Black man a nigger, ya know? It hurts a lot to be called that."
"Oh. I didn't mean nothing bad by it."
"Yeah, I know. Nobody's told you any nice words."
"So what is the nice word?"
"Well, I'm not really too sure. Some people call us queers. Others say we're homos. I think the technical term is homosexual, so that would be ok, but it's kind of long. I think gay is acceptable.
"You mean like happy?"
"Yeah, sort of like happy. I guess we're just happy people, though it really doesn't feel that way right now."
I had been packing a few more of my things while we spoke and was ready to head back downstairs.
"Are you still mad at me?"
"Yes David, I am."
"Then how come you're not yelling at me or hitting me or something?"
I smiled a bit and shook my head.
"I guess it's just not that kind of mad."
The phone rang.
"You better get that. If it's mom or dad, don't tell them I'm here. You'll get in trouble."
He had bounded on down the steps in front of me.
"Hello?" He paused for a second. As I got to the bottom of the stairs, he looked at me.
"I think it's your boyfriend." He smiled as he handed me the phone.
"Chris?"
"Hey, Mikey. Just thought I'd say hi and was kind of hoping your mom might let me come over."
"Um, I don't think so. I don't think they'll ever allow you over here again."
"Huh?'
I knew I'd caught him off guard.
"They found out."
"Oh shit! What'd they do?"
"They kicked me out. I spent last night in the woods."
"No fuckin' way. You coulda come over here."
"No Chris. If I go over there, your parents will find out. I can't let that happen."
"Fuck that, Mikey, I'm coming to get you."
"Chris, no!" But it was too late. He'd already hung up the phone. I looked at the clock. It was nearly 10:30. My mom would be home soon.
"I gotta go David." I reached out for him and hugged him tight. We both had tears in our eyes.
"Am I ever going to see you again Mike?"
"Of course you are, I'm your big brother aren't I?" I broke our embrace and grabbed my bag and headed out the door. I figured I needed to get down the street before my mom got home. I didn't want Chris anywhere near her.
I managed to get a few houses up the road before Chris' car pulled up beside me. I got into the car, gave him a quick kiss and told him to drive around to the river bridge. He pulled the car off the road and we started hiking up the trail while I told him about everything that happened. As we approached the spot where I had been bathing, I told him about the girls.
He was laughing. "You mean you just stood there and let them look at you?"
"They had my clothes, I didn't have much choice."
"And it was all shriveled up?" Now he was practically doubled over.
"Yeah, I'll show you shriveled up in a minute."
"Oooooeeeewwwww! You promise, BIG boy." He was grinning and batted his eyes at me.
I smacked him on the back of the head. "Dammit Chris, it's not funny."
"I thought they were supposed to be bigger." He said it with a falsetto type voice. This time I shoved him. He fell over into the bushes, but he still didn't stop laughing.
"All right, dammit, time to see just what's supposed to be bigger." I jumped on top of him and started tickling. Chris was squirming around and begging me to stop. I grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. His pants were next and mine soon followed. It wasn't long before the two of us were rolling on the ground with our naked bodies pressed against each other. It felt good to be with my boyfriend again and I didn't care who might see us as we hungrily gobbled each other's boyflesh.
When we finished we just lay there together. Chris on his back and me on my stomach with my head resting on his abdomen. My face was turned towards his dick. I just looked at it. I'd never really done that before. Well, I had, but I hadn't really looked. It was soft and wrinkled, a much darker brown than the rest of his skin and it had a small brownish-pink head that was pointed at my face. It was maybe two-thirds the size it got when it was hard. There was a dark line running down its length that started just under the head. The line narrowed as it approached his balls but continued over them as well. I'd noticed that on my own dick. It was like a seam where the skin had come together. But those girls were wrong. It wasn't ugly at all. It was pretty. Well, ok, maybe that isn't quite the word for it, but it was damned good looking. I wondered if I could write a poem about it. It had a really nice, thick patch of dark hair around it. There was some on his balls too. There was a small trail of it running up to his belly button. He had a light covering of velvety hair on his thighs that grew darker and coarser below his knees.
I moved my hand under his leg, getting him to raise his knee. Then I began to lightly pet his sack. The skin tightened at my touch. I loved the way it felt. Even wrinkled it was silky smooth. I tickled the skin and he giggled a bit. I loved his giggles. They were so different from the girls'. His dick rolled to the side and began to lengthen. I watched as it swelled and inched its way towards my mouth. It was as though it just knew where I wanted it. I blew on it a little. Chris giggled again. It throbbed. A clear drop of liquid emerged from the tip.
I felt Chris' hand as he ran it through my hair. He was so gentle as he stroked me.
"Man, I could do this all day."
"Yeah, it is really nice, isn't it?
I smiled, I was still looking at his dick. "Yeah, it IS really nice."
"You perve."
I moved forward and flicked my tongue across the little slit at the tip, removing that small drop of liquid gold. It had a mild salty flavor. Not nearly as strong and without the bitterness of his ejaculate.
I began to rub his shaft. Just with one finger at first, then I added a second. Chris' breathing quickened. I could feel his body tense up. Although he'd just cum, I could tell he was about to erupt again. I watched as his dick leapt from his abdomen. It thickened, lengthened slightly. I could feel as well as hear him moan. The slit grew wide and a long stream of thick white liquid splashed out and landed across my face. A second soon followed and a bit more dribbled forth as I watched my lover begin to shrink. First the head began to wilt, then the shaft. Exactly the opposite of the way it had grown.
Chris lay there in silent contentment as I cleaned his body with my tongue. God this was perfect.
We jumped into the river and splashed around a bit as we washed the dirt, grass, and sweat from our bodies. We didn't stay long before climbing out onto the riverbank and allowing ourselves to dry in the sun and the breeze. We dressed and grabbed my gear from the tree house and hiked back down to his car.
Chris' mom was sitting on the living room sofa waiting for us as we entered the house.
"Hi mom."
"Hello, Mrs. Curtis."
"Hello boys." She stood and motioned us to the sofa. "Have a seat boys, we need to talk."
She looked rather serious and her tone matched her look. I was confused.
"Let's take this stuff back to my room. We'll be right out." Chris was headed for the hallway.
"Just drop it right there Chris, and have a seat."
Chris and I looked at each other. He looked as confused as I was. We did as we were told. Mrs. Curtis sat in a chair facing the sofa. She paused for a moment, then took a breath.
"I spoke with your mother a little bit ago." She was looking right at me.
I could feel my whole body sink with her words. My mother had told her. I wanted to be angry. But, I didn't have enough left inside of me to get angry. I looked down at the floor and closed my eyes. I expected the worst.
Chris was dead silent beside me.
"I think you know what she told me."
"Mom, I can explain."
"Shhh." I looked up at her as she put her finger to her lips.
"There's nothing to explain, son. I've known for a long time. I was just waiting for you to get the courage to tell me."
I looked at Chris. He had tears running down his face. I felt like I should too, but I didn't.
"You knew? But how?"
"Yes, Chris, I knew. It's been a lot of things. Little things. Things that only a mother would notice."
Chris wiped a tear from his cheek and was looking puzzled.
"I had hoped it wasn't true. I didn't want it to be. I still don't. It's not the way I want you to live your life."
Chris' head sank. His whole body slumped. I put my arm around him and pulled him towards me.
"I had hoped last year, when you dated those girls, Cheryl and Cindy was it?" I had hoped that meant I was wrong about you. But it really confirmed I was right."
Chris looked back up at her. She had tears in her eyes now.
"Remember when I walked in on you? You were on the sofa kissing Cheryl."
"Mo-om." Chris whined. It was obvious that he was embarrassed to have me hear this. I had to really try hard to keep from smiling.
"I had watched you for a few moments before I let you know I was there. I'm sorry. I didn't intend to spy. But I wanted to admire you. I was watching my little boy grow into a man. But I knew then, it wasn't what you wanted. She was enjoying it, but you looked like it was just the most awful thing you'd ever done. I could see in your eyes that you wanted to be somewhere else. I was never very sure why you dated those girls. I know you liked them. But you treated them more like friends, not like girlfriends."
Chris was speechless. He just looked at her. I had no idea what to say or do. I just kept holding him as he put his arms around me.
"Then when Joey started coming around all my suspicions were confirmed."
"But mom." Chris tried to interrupt, but she continued.
"You'd sit next to him on the sofa or lay next to him on the floor while watching TV, your bodies would be touching. You two were always bumping into each other. Sometimes it was just the way you would look at him or he at you. You treated him more like a girlfriend, well, I guess that's the wrong word, but you know what I mean."
She paused for a moment and wiped her eyes.
"It's even more obvious when I see you two together."
I hugged him tighter and felt the same in return.
"I can't pretend that I understand it. I don't. I've tried but I just don't. I can't condone it either. We are Catholics, the Church says it's a sin. I can accept Mike as your friend, but not your boyfriend. I know that Mike doesn't have any place to stay right now, but I can't allow him to stay here."
I was shaking. Each word was another crushing blow to my soul. I wasn't angry. How could I be? It was Mrs. Curtis' house and she owed me nothing. In her eyes, I was corrupting her son. Yet she didn't seem to bear any animosity. She said she could accept me as Chris' friend. I wasn't sure what that meant. I was also wondering about Chris. His mother wasn't rejecting him, but where did he stand? What was he thinking?
"Are you kicking me out, too?" Chris could barely get the words to come out.
"Oh, heavens no. I'd never do that. Chris, you are still my son and I love you no matter what."
I felt Chris' arms pull away from me. He stood and stepped towards his mother. He settled into her lap putting his arms around her shoulders. She wrapped hers around his waist and held him tight as his head came to rest on her chest.
I just sat there, looking on in amazement, tears streaming down my face. I was happy for him. My beautiful boy still had his family. I felt so empty and so alone.
After what seemed like forever, Mrs. Curtis looked up at me.
"You can stay for dinner. You can sleep on the sofa tonight if you wish. I can't just throw you out in the street. That wouldn't be very Christian of me now would it. You are welcome to visit Chris and be his friend. I don't want to know, or see, anything more." She turned to Chris, "And nothing is to go on in this house."
Both she and Chris had stood as she spoke. I did as well. Her words were harsh, but she spoke them gently. I knew she was trying the best she could. I hugged her and she hugged back.
She looked at Chris, "Why don't you invite Joey to come over for the night. The three of you can sleep in the basement and watch TV. I think I could trust that."
Yes, she was trying.
"You mean your mom has always known?" Joey couldn't believe the incredible story he'd just heard. "I can't believe she never said anything."
"Neither can I. I'm such a fucking idiot." Chris still couldn't believe his mother's reaction. "I always thought she would throw me out."
"What about your dad?"
"She said she wouldn't tell him. I don't think I can right now either."
"Do your parents know?" I had never really talked to Joey before and didn't know much about him.
"It's just my mom. My dad took off years ago."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know." Way to go Mike. Open mouth, insert foot.
"That's ok. From what I remember, he was pretty much of a jerk. But yeah, my mom knows. I am just a bit more obvious than you two, ya know."
It was true. Joey wasn't what you'd call a flamer, but there were some definite feminine qualities about him. We all had long hair, everybody did. But Joey's was wavy and well, just sort of big, like a girl would have. It stood up more and was taller. His body was a little less man-shaped, too. He had narrow shoulders and wider hips that swished just a little as he walked. He wasn't fat or anything, but if you looked at him from the rear, you might mistake him for a girl. But his face certainly wasn't feminine. He always had a five-o'clock shadow, even in the morning. And he had a rather prominent nose. His eyes were dark, I'd swear they were black like his hair, and were set back into his head and he had very dark, but not bushy, eyebrows above them. I guess it was his Italian heritage. Chris had told me that the family name had been changed when Joey's grandparents emigrated. It was shortened to Millar, but used to have an i' or an o' on the end. He was maybe 5' 7" or 5' 8", just a little shorter than Chris, and probably lighter, too. Maybe 115 pounds. His voice was a little squeaky, almost nasal sounding, but soft. Yeah, if you looked a Joey, watched him, you had to wonder about his manhood.
"She had a hard time with it at first." Joey continued, "But she's ok with it now. I think she accepts me for what I am." He turned to me. "What're you going to do?"
"I don't know, man. Got no clue."
"Why don't you talk to your aunt? I bet she'd let you stay. She's one of the nicest people I've ever met."
Leave it to Chris to point out what should have been obvious. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it. My aunt Maxine lived down the street from Chris. And he was right. She is one of the nicest people you'd ever want to meet. I wasn't too sure about my uncle, though. He was nice enough, but one of those strong, silent types. You never really knew what he was thinking. And he is my dad's brother. I wasn't too sure about my cousins either.
"I guess I hadn't thought of it. I just figured none of my family would have me. But I guess it's worth a try."
"Sure it is. You'd be living right down the street from Chris. Then nothing could stop you from fucking like rabbits." Joey's eyes had gotten big and he sounded excited.
"Joey!" Chris and I just looked at him.
"Oops. Sorry. It's just that, well, you two have become my favorite fantasy. For, you know."
Oh God. I was probably getting more in Joey's fantasies than I was in real life. Though I gotta admit, real life had become a lot better lately, at least in that department.
"Jesus, Joey. I'm not sure a needed to know that." Chris was having a hard tome keeping a straight face.
"Yeah, well, if I can't have the real thing, I gotta have something, ya know. Otherwise I'll go crazy."
"Well if you gotta, tonight at least, take it into the bathroom."
"Oh man, I was kinda hoping, ya know, maybe like we used to, maybe all three of us."
"Oh God Joey."
I was rolling on the floor laughing. I probably should have been jealous or mad or something, but this was the funniest conversation I had ever heard. I was trying to picture what it would look like, the two of them, sitting of Chris' bed beating off and watching each other.
"And what the fuck are you laughing at?" Chris was awful when it came to pretending to be mad.
I told them what I'd been thinking. And then added, "You never let me watch you do yourself." I had to roll away from Chris who had started beating on me. Not hard, but he seemed to have forgotten about my ribs. I was laughing too hard to remind him.
Joey stood up and started to pull off his pants, "I don't know about you guys, but I gotta go to the bathroom before I hit the sack."
"Just don't spend the night in there, eh?"
"Have fun, man." Chris and I were both still cracking up. As Joey turned to leave I got my first look at his nearly naked body. He was really skinny, scrawny really. You could count his ribs from a mile away. And hairy, too. Not his upper body, just his legs. I don't think I'd ever seen a kid with more hair on his legs. But there was something else that caught my attention even more than the hair. The front of his briefs looked like they were going to burst. The fabric was stretched tight around the biggest bulge I'd ever seen, and it didn't look like he was hard.
As soon as Joey disappeared Chris and I stripped down to our briefs as well. We laughed and giggled a bit while wondering what Joey may be doing in the bathroom while we prepared our bed for the night. I unzipped my sleeping bag and we spread it across the floor, then we laid his on top and crawled underneath. Chris snuggled up behind me and draped his arm over my chest. I could feel his package pressing against my buttocks as he got comfortable. I turned my head as far back as it would go. He raised his head to meet me. Our very first goodnight kiss was brief, barely more than a peck on the lips, but more than sufficient. Chris fell asleep instantly, I think, but I had too much on my mind. As I lay there in my lover's arms I felt safe, secure, but I was sad too. I'd lost everything, but in some ways I think I had more now than I'd ever had before.
Sunday morning I walked to my aunt's house. I was too late. They had already left for church. Not that I would have wanted to go with them. My parents would have been there. But I could have waited inside the house. I couldn't go back to Chris' either. His family was going to mass. I decided to sit on the front doorstep and wait.
I thought about all the stuff that had happened. It was pretty overwhelming. In less than two weeks I had gone from a fairly well-adjusted teenager living in a fairly decent home, to being homeless, a homosexual, and perhaps the most despised kid in school. And it had all started just because I tried to help Joey. That is what they teach you, isn't it? To help people who need help. To be kind. I wasn't sure where I'd gone wrong, but leave it to me to fuck up a simple act of kindness.
I guess it hadn't turned out all bad. I had found a wonderful new boyfriend. I even began to start understanding myself a bit. I'd made a new friend in Joey. Mr. Grayson still seemed to like me. And even Mrs. Curtis.
I smiled a little when I thought of our conversation yesterday. How she had been able to accept her son anyway. I knew she didn't approve, but had told Chris that she still loved him and she even told me I could still be his friend.
Chris' father had even understood, but I hadn't been there for that part of the conversation. His mother had thought it best that I not be so Joey and I had taken a walk. Even though he shared her suspicions, she wasn't certain that he'd take it well. But he had.
In some ways I was jealous. Chris had some good parents. They loved him. They weren't going to abandon him just because he wasn't what they'd wanted, what they'd expected. Maybe it was because he was their only child. Toss him away and there'd be no one left. Unlike me. Hell, when you've got three sons, what's it matter if you throw one away, especially if it was the one you didn't like to begin with.
God, I was crying again. What is it with me and all these tears lately. It seemed that's all I ever do anymore. Too bad I left my notebook at Chris' house. I'd sure like to write a little right now.
"Hey sleepyhead, time to wake up!" I felt a gentle shove as I opened my eyes.
"We been wondering when you would show up."
"Oh, hi Cliff. I must've fallen asleep." I looked around. James was standing behind him and my Aunt Maxine and Uncle Jim were headed my way. I stood up and dusted myself off.
"Well, look what the cat dragged in."
"Hi Uncle Jim, Aunt Maxine."
"Well, where in the world have you been these last few days? We've been worried sick about you." Twenty years after leaving West Virginia, my aunt still had a thick southern drawl.
"Oh, I guess you heard, then." Uncle Jim unlocked the door and we began to head inside.
"Your mother called just after you left. She told us you'd probably be headed this way. When you didn't show up, we started to worry. And then you didn't come yesterday either. I better call and tell her you're here. She is worried, you know."
"No, Maxine, please. Not yet."
"She's worried, Mike."
"She kicked me out. It's a little late for worry, don't you think." There was a bit of anger returning to my voice.
"Now don't be cross with me, young man. I don't approve of what they did, but I'm not the one who did it."
"I'm sorry." FUCK! Mike you are a fucking idiot. You are fucking this up and they aren't going to want you either.
"Apology accepted. Now you're going to need a place to stay. It might as well be here."
I looked up at her. "Are you sure you want me. I'm a lot more trouble than I'm worth."
"Nonsense. You're staying here and that's all there is to it."
I looked at my uncle and then to each of my cousins. They shook their heads in agreement.
"You guys know why I got kicked out don't you?" Might as well tell them. Get it over with. They could tell me to get lost now before anyone went to any trouble.
"Yes, we know." It was Cliff. "We just got another fruit tree for the orchard." He was grinning as though that was the funniest thing he'd said all week.
"Cliff! Knock it off!" Apparently my aunt didn't think he was much of a comedian.
"God Mom, I'm just teasing."
"It's ok, Maxine, I'm getting kind of used to it."
"Well, you shouldn't have to get used to it." She was giving her oldest son a rather stern look. "Now you boys get down to the basement and get that spare room cleaned out." She turned to me. "Mike you can have that room. I know it's not much, but there's a bathroom down there too. And you'll have your own private entrance."
My aunt's house sat on a hill that sloped from front to back so that the basement was ground level at the rear of the house and had a door that opened into the back yard.
Cliff, James, and I headed downstairs to clear out what would become my room. Maxine was right. It wasn't much. A very small room with a twin bed in one corner, a chest of drawers, a small desk, and a wardrobe. It was maybe 8' x 12'. There was a bare lightbulb on the ceiling. Two of the walls were concrete block, the other two were unfinished and the stud framing was showing. There was plywood paneling on the outside. It looked more like a prison cell than a bedroom. But beggars can't be choosers, right?
It took about two hours to get it cleaned up enough to be fit to sleep in. My cousins teased me incessantly, but that wasn't any different than they had ever treated me. I had always been the butt of their jokes and they loved to pick on me. Not just verbally, but physically as well. Especially Cliff. He had been a champion wrestler in high school and he continued to keep himself in great shape. He was tall, about 6' 3" and probably weighed 190 pounds and it was all solid muscle. Not that he was bulky or anything. He wasn't, he was just in really good shape.
James was taller and thinner. He was 6' 7" and was a basketball player. He'd been one of the best ever to come from our high school and now he was playing for the local college, though he still lived at home. He was a bit more of a hippie than his older brother. A bit more happy-go- lucky. His brown hair was longer than Cliff's, though shorter than mine. It came down to the middle of his ears and just over his collar. Cliff's hair was a bit lighter and he kept it cut short, in more of a 50s style. Cliff was quick-witted and had a dry sense of humor and a more serious demeanor. He was definitely the smarter one. I don't think there was anything he didn't know.
But even though they teased me a lot and picked on me, it was all in fun and it made me feel good. I'd never been offended or hurt by it. In fact, I picked right back, but seldom did I come out on top.
My Aunt and Uncle went over the rules during dinner. It seemed I was going to be given a lot of freedom. They hadn't placed too many restrictions on their own boys, and they weren't going to start with me. Two things stuck out in my mind that told me this was going to work just fine. There was no curfew on weekends, though I had to call them if I would be late. And Chris could stay over if there was no school. Yup! Maybe things were starting to look up.