Wednesday.
Wednesday I stayed home. I couldn't face going anywhere, certainly not school and thankfully there wasn't a rehearsal. And so I spent the best part of the day lying in the sun with a transistor radio feeding me endless rubbish pop –all to prevent me from thinking. The weather was getting hotter again, after three slightly fresher days.
Annie was bustling about inside the house with armfuls of laundry and ironing, so I tried to stay away, but several times I heard her come around to the little garden to see what I was doing. I pretended to be asleep. I just did not want to talk to anyone.
The next day, we held our final dress rehearsal. I walked into school about thirty minutes before we were due to start ans went straight into the wardrobe store to get changed. Mrs Trellis wasn't on hand to lace me in as he was finishing invigilating in an exam, so I got a fellow pupil to do it. This fellow, Paul, was rather reluctant to even touch my dress, let alone tuck my shift in neatly and lace me up well. He hurried about behind me and when he pronounced me `finished' I looked in the mirror.
"It's all sticking out, Paul. That's no use!"
"Well, that'll have to do. I'm not touching you."
"Pull the hem of the shift down underneath. Go on! Get down there, tug the shift down and make it neat."
"I'm not getting down there! Get one of your other boyfriends to do it!"
And he stamped off, leaving me alone and adrift. If he knew, did they all know? Is that what they all felt about me? I climbed the stairs into to the stage wings, and I caught Hugh as he strode passed, "Hugh, have you seen Adrian?" He looked at me oddly
"Me? No. Why should I see Adrian?" And he hurried away, leaving me even more confused. A gaggle of other actors were chatting while waiting in the wings, as they realised I was there they stopped talking and looked away.
Maggie was there doing the make up again, but for me, she just watched and guided while I did it myself. I seemed to have the knack, she said. Inwardly, I laughed rather bitterly.
My acting in the rehearsal was very, very bad. Whatever magic I'd summoned up on Tuesday had deserted me today. My delivery was wooden and I couldn't even move well. Whatever I'd learned, I'd forgotten and I blundered about the stage like a buffoon wearing a tent.
Mr Gibson sat with me afterwards in the wings. "Is there something that's bothering you today? Someone, perhaps?"
Nothing to say.
"Nicky, is there someone you want to talk about?"
"Adrian was looking for you yesterday" I slumped further and stared at the floor. It wasn't fair to see me as part of a duo; I wasn't Adrian's and he wasn't mine – he had his own plans that didn't involve me. I felt more than just alone as I wasn't even sure that I knew exactly who I was. I could yearn for my individuality and my right to be recognised for what I was, but also I could see that I was different – dangerously so – and deserved whatever treatment the dominant group decided. But I still didn't understand what had turned everyone against me so suddenly.
Mr Gibson was required elsewhere and I was left alone again. I made my way below to the costume store to get changed back to boy-clothes. Almost everyone else had been and gone, so I wasn't too surprised when Mr Trelawney appeared behind me.
"Nicky, I need a quiet word, if I may." The gentleness and consideration in his voice should have warned me that something nasty was coming. But I suspected nothing and I sat down as bidden on the simple wooden bench seat amongst the clothes rails.
"I'm sure he has told you everything. Adrian, that is." He looked at me carefully.
"He has told you everything, hasn't he?" This was a genuine enquiry. Trelawney needed to know before continuing.
"About the Conservatoire and going to London?" I enquired.
"Yes" long and drawn out. Mr Trelawney was asking if I knew anything else about Adrian.
"And that he's going to be, be different. He's going to be changing, he wants to . . ." I trailed away, unable to enunciate the words and almost admit to myself that this boy, with whom I was in love, was going to be a woman.
"Good. It's okay, Nicky. I just needed to check that he'd told you. Not an easy thing to admit to one's fellows, one's friends and loved one's." He stopped and looked carefully at me.
"We all wish him the very best, however it all turns out . . ." Mr Trelawney watched me obliquely for a reaction. I felt my shoulders sag even more and I put my face in my hands. Mrs Trellis was checking that Adrian had told me the truth.
"I mean, we all knew as his family had discussed it with the school months ago. But what he – or she – said yesterday was a bit of a shock to everyone."
My head snapped upright and I suddenly paid attention to the world again.
"What did she say? I mean what did Adrian say?"
"Oh dear. I hoped that you'd known." I shook my head and looked at him expectantly.
"Only, it was quite personal to you." I shook my head again. I had no idea.
"Adrian came to school `dressed'. You understand don't you, Nicky?" He peeked round at me and then looked steadfastly forwards. I shook my head again, I didn't understand.
"Adrian was dressed in school uniform, but with a grey skirt instead of trousers."
"Christ!"
"Yes, it was rather shocking I'm afraid." He looked up into the intermediate distance and then stared down in sudden interest at his shoes, bending slightly.
"I'm sorry Nicky. But there's more."
"What?" I cringed, waiting for the awful revelations.
"He was quite loud, I'm afraid."
"What happened?"
Trelawney pulled himself upright again and cleared his throat.
"He told everyone who would listen about his feelings for you and how much he regretted hurting you." Another diplomatic cough. Now Trelawney swivelled his shoulders and looked down towards me.
"Did he hurt you?"
"A bit."
"Physically or mentally?"
"In my body, erm physically."
"Hmm. I understand. You didn't know that he came here yesterday?" He continued.
"No." I replied quietly.
"Ah. Okay." He turned forwards again.
"Nicky, we had to involve the Headmaster. We really had to. Adrian was conducted to Doctor Coleridge's study and his parents were contacted; that's all we know for the moment."
I pressed my index fingers into my temples and prayed that it would all go away.
"Nicky. This is a liberal school and we all know that some boys develop affections, shall we say `crushes' on other boys, but we do not and cannot . . . " His voice tailed away. We both knew what he was trying to say and why he couldn't say it. If questioned closely, he would deny that he was a homosexual and would deny that he had encountered any homosexual practices or leanings amongst his pupils. After all, it was still illegal.
"So. Now you know. And I'm sorry to have to ask you to accompany me to see the Headmaster once you are dressed again." He cleared his throat. "Under the circumstances, it's really quite understandable. I'm sure you'll appreciate the difficulties. But please also be aware that you are not in any kind of trouble. None of this will go beyond the school; we don't want to make things any more difficult for Adrian, and we do not want this to damage your future here."
I thought it might have been too late for that, judging by the reaction of some of my peers, but I would have to deal with that myself. I stood up and began to pull the gown off my shoulders.
"Would you like me to-?"
"No. Definitely not."
I was ushered into Doctor Coleridge's study by Mrs Trellis. Doctor Coleridge rose and closed the communicating door to his secretary's office. Crossing to the windows he shoved each casement as wide open as possible, but it made no difference. No air stirred in this hot and claustrophobic room and the shiny wood panelling seemed to glisten and sweat in the heat. I could feel sweat start to trickle down my back; I told myself it was the heat, but it probably wasn't.
"Sit down here, please Wyatt." He indicated a rather upright chair to one side of his desk. "Mr Trelawney" and he indicated a similar chair to the other side.
By the geography of the chairs and the introduction, I understood that this was not to be an interrogation or `punishment' session, otherwise I would have been sat right in front of the Head's desk. So I was slightly relieved and my breathing relaxed a little.
"Now. Let's see if we can sort this out for the benefit of everyone." Doctor Coleridge looked at me and then across towards Trelawney. The Headmaster looked wearied by the heat and the responsibility now placed upon his shoulders by this pathetic schoolboy love affair. I could see a sheen of perspiration on his wrinkled brow.
"Young Wyatt, you were not in school yesterday?"
"No sir, I had no duties or classes. So I didn't think I was required."
"Quite so, perfectly acceptable. And so you were not aware that Adrian Stanley came in apparently looking for you?"
"No sir."
He looked at me again and quite deliberately bowed his head so that he could look at me over the top of his glasses. His voice dropped several notes. "Do you know Adrian well?"
It was the same question that Trelawney had put to me, and I still had no idea what I should answer.
"I think so, sir."
"Wyatt and I have had a brief conversation, Headmaster." Trelawney interjected "And it would seem that Wyatt was aware that Adrian Stanley would be leaving us in the Autumn as well as taking on a rather different style of life." Trelawney coughed discretely. Doctor Coleridge looked carefully at Mister Trelawney, probably all too well aware of his Art Master's sexual preferences and aware of his intentions. He turned back to me.
"There was something of a disturbance here yesterday. Adrian made a bit of a theatrical entrance and caused a scene. Rather childish and utterly inappropriate. And regrettably, he also involved you Wyatt, and made it obvious that you and he have some kind of relationship outside school." He paused significantly.
"A very personal relationship, Wyatt. A physical realtionship."
"Sir."
"Is that an admission, Wyatt?"
"Yes sir. It is" and I looked straight at him. I was telling him that yes, we had sex together. And it was more healthy than wanking off alone which is what every other boy in the school did.
"Then I must warn you that any physical relationship between pupils or pupils and staff is forbidden under school rules as well as being abominable in the sight of God and illegal under the laws of England." Doctor Coleridge engaged me in direct eye contact as he delivered that sentence and held it so for several seconds afterwards.
"Now. I have delivered what was necessary, and I may also tell you that I have asked Adrian Stanley to refrain from school for the rest of the term. In exchange for which no mention will be made of the entire episode anywhere. Within school or without!" He slapped his hand on the desk and sat bolt upright as he delivered the final sentence, his face grey and severe.
But now his demeanour changed completely, "how's the performance coming on? I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow night hugely. How was the rehearsal today?"
I breathed a deep breath of relief and replied. "Not too bad, sir. But the dress rehearsal today was pretty poor. I just couldn't work with my character or the play at all. I tried really hard, but it just wasn't there." I grimaced and sort of faded away. I didn't know what was missing today, but I knew something was.
He gave me few platitudes about trying one's best and never letting the school down and so on before dismissing me. As I left, the Headmaster spoke to Mrs Trellis "Mr Trelawney, may I delay you a few moments. There are other items to discuss . . ."
I didn't know what the other items were, but I could guess. Nowadays, we'd call it `damage limitation', back then it was just how to cover up the disruption caused by a mouthy teenage tranny and her boyfriend.
I went home in a putrid mood, trying to think of ways to blot out reality. My acting was shit and the one person at school who didn't hate me had just been thrown out. By chance, I met Annie at the top of the stairs.
"Gosh! What's the matter with you?"
"Bloody awful rehearsal! Sodding awful school. Hate it!" And I threw my satchel across the landing into my bedroom where it crashed into the front of the wardrobe with a mighty thump.
"Ooh dear. Let's see what we can do; back in a minute." I watched her clonk off down the stairs as I sat rather heavily on my bed. I stood again, pulled off my tie and unbuttoned my sweaty shirt, flinging them both into the corner. I was sick of the whole damn business.
I pulled down my school trousers, just as Annie walked back in with two cups of tea. She'd seen me in my Yfronts before of course, but not in a girdle and panties.
"Oh my god!"
"What? Bloody what?" I screamed.
"So sodding what? I'm wearing women's underwear! I like it, it makes me feel pleased with myself and it keeps my fucking stockings up!"
Annie, bless her heart, didn't flinch or squeal or run away. She just set my tea down on my top of my tallboy and sat down on the foot of my bed cradling her cup in her hands.
Very calmly, very quietly she spoke "I know, Nicky. It's just a bit of a surprise to see you – like that." And she nodded towards my girdle-clad hips.
I sat down rather heavily next to her on the bed, and my head sank into my hands again. I had thought that things would get better, but they just seemed to be getting worse.
She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and try as I might, I couldn't stop the tears welling in my eyes. I had to stop this; I was a big boy now, but I still cried a bit.
"Tell me what happened, then."
And so I did. I told Annie everything; from realising that Adrian was gorgeous, to oral sex with him, to bleeding after buggery, to his loud declarations at school and my rotten acting that afternoon.
There. I'd told her everything. I didn't feel better for having done so, but at least I'd done it.
Somewhere behind us, we heard the scraping slam of the studio doors. Mum was coming home.
"Right. I think you ought to have a nice relaxing bath to begin with. I'll run it for you."
Annie got up and I sort of wilted onto the eiderdown. She started the bath running and then went down the stairs to see mum.
"It's ready now. And I've put some smelly stuff in it to make your skin smooth."
The bath smelled fragrant and distinctly luxurious as I undressed and slipped in. From outside the door, Annie called "Back in twenty minutes!"
I soaped and washed and relaxed, trying not to think of anything. As I drifted towards sleep, I heard the opening of the kitchen door and the slap of steps on the stairs with something jangling and clanking up towards me. I leapt from the cooling water and towelled off quickly as Annie yelled "Nicky, come on!"
Wrapped in my towel, I opened the door and was positively assaulted by the smell of vinegary fish and chips.
"Come on, I've got us medium cod and chips twice and something else too." She was cross legged on the floor with a tray, plates, newspaper bundles of goodies and goodness knows what before her.
"I've got this." This was a half bottle of Gordon's gin in its distinctive green bottle and metal snap cap.
She poured huge measures into kitchen tumblers and filled the glasses up with Schweppes bitter lemon.
"Drink up `n' shut up!" She intoned ritually and we clinked glasses, drank and started eating.
As we stuffed our faces with deep fried fish and crispy chips we chatted. Actually, Annie interrogated me, but it didn't seem like that.
She indicated my discarded underwear with a chip "Girdle's okay, but have you got clean panties for tomorrow?"
"No. I'll wash them through later."
"S'okay. I'll lend you some." I looked at her in surprise.
"I'll lend you my `lucky lemon knickers'!" She announced and we both laughed.
"Why are they lucky?"
Annie hissed and giggled, while falling sideways and trying not to spill her gin.
"Cause I got felt up in them by someone nice when we were on the coach!"
I almost chocked on my chips!
"Did it hurt, though?" She asked in a suddenly serious tone.
"What?"
"Y'know. When Adrian stuck it in you."
"Annie!"
"Sorry. But y'know what I mean."
"Just a bit. Actually, no. Not really. Only hurt when he was coming."
"Mmm. Hurt me too, the first time."
Is this what siblings should have been discussing? The pain of losing their respective virginities.
We'd both had enough to eat and we pushed the crumpled newspaper and uneaten chips aside. Annie belched loudly.
"Going to wash." She levered herself up and went closed the door behind her as she left my bedroom. I pulled the eiderdown partly off my bed as I sat on the floor and leant back against the smooth cold satin face and thought of Adrian in his satin olive skirt. But where had he got a school skirt from?
Even though I was only wrapped in a damp bath towel, the summer night was still warm enough to keep me from feeling chill. My skin felt beautifully soft and warm.
Annie shoved the door open violently and crashed into the room.
"Look what I've got!" and Annie danced across the room towards me.
"My lucky lemon knickers – which you are definitely wearing tomorrow! And some nice, new, lightweight stockings and a suspender belt and some perfume and some Nair and some cold cream!"
"Some what?"
"Hmm?"
"you said nare or something."
"Yes, it's hair remover cream. Did you shaved you legs in the bath? Only, you can use Nair for your delicate areas." And she sort of raised her eyebrows as she said that, so I knew where she meant.
"I won't need the suspenders thanks as I've got the girdle."
"It's cooler though?" she questioned.
"Yes but it won't keep all my parts tucked in." I could not be more explicit to my sister.
"Ah, Okay. Hadn't thought of that."
She knelt at the tray again and poured two more massive slugs of gin into our glasses.
"What time you got to be in school?"
"Not till five thirty."
"Great. We'll read the play through tomorrow and get you set. Did you know I'm coming to see your play tomorrow night?"
"No?"
"Well it's your fault! You bought three tickets, didn't you?"
And I sort of felt impossibly stupid. Yes, I had bought three tickets, but that was for Mum, Dad and me – without thinking that I was actually in the play and so couldn't be in the audience watching myself – idiot!
I felt awful in the morning. Dry mouth, queasy stomach, headache. It was a classic hangover.
Annie clanged me awake at about nine-thirty. "You'll be no use at university, if you can't deal with a bit of gin, y'know." She flung back the curtains on another scorchingly hot day.
"C'mon! Rise 'n' shine."
I washed, dressed (in the lucky lemon panties) and packed my stockings and girdle into my satchel before descending for breakfast. To my surprise AJ was there crunching toast and sipping tea.
"Morning N. Annie tells me you got blotto last night. Hair of the dog suit you, then?" And he waved a bottle of Gordon's rather lewdly at me.
"Annie, what's he doing here?" I rasped.
"Called him over to help prepare you this morning." Annie was drying up dishes and being generally efficient. She was dressed in jodhpurs, so I guessed that she'd be going to the riding stables this morning.
"Oh god,"
"I always find a fried egg sandwich settles my stomach. Want to try?" Asked AJ brightly. I shook my head desperately. Anything fried would make it worse, not better. AJ was looking hideously bright and energetic. Sandy slacks, open necked shirt, wavy hair – all positively invigorating.
Annie plonked a cup of black coffee in front of me and announced that she was off to the stables. I sipped my coffee, there were several spoons of sugar in it and I knew it would help, given time.
"Were you there, AJ?"
"Where's that?"
"Y'know. When Adrian showed up."
"Actually, yes. I was." And he sort of looked away, anxious to distract himself and hopefully me, too.
"Couldn't you stop him?"
He shook his head. "Awfully camp, Adrian. Sometimes he's just a screaming queen; gets on everyone's tits."
"Is that what happened?"
"Sort of. Fancy wearing a skirt and makeup to school! What did he think was going to happen, shouting the odds to that lot?"
"Which lot?"
"All the rugger boys! Y'know, the toughies."
"So what happened?"
"They pushed him around a bit took the mickey, but he wouldn't shut up. So they binned him."
At school, we had narrow, galvanised rubbish bins that stood about three feet high. The practice of `binning' someone was a rare, but well established mode of censure. It merely involved sitting the person on top of the open bin and the pushing them in, bottom first so they were doubled up completely stuck in the bin and unable to move. Unless someone came to their aid, the victim could be there for hours.
"Who was it?"
"Hmm?"
"Who was involved in the binning?"
"Oh, y'know. Arkley, Richardson, Smith . . ." He trailed away. Suddenly, he stood up.
"Anyway, `bout time we got to work!"
I had a sudden insight.
"AJ, was Hugh involved?"
"Actually, didn't want to say that. Yes, he was."
We pulled the table slightly to one side of the kitchen and started work on the play.
AJ started by feeding me cue lines at random from the play. I caught them all and quoted my lines back to him perfectly. Now all I had to do was lose my personality and find Juliet in myself again.
We cleared the breakfast things away late morning and we took a short break. I went back upstairs to shave my legs and just have a little lie down. Mum woke me after nearly an hour saying that AJ was still here and sunning himself on the terrace. I dressed in character a little more – actually, I put on one of Annie's long dresses so I could swish about.
AJ was sitting in the sun, nursing a gin and bitter lemon, the very sight of which made me feel rather ill. But now he acted me through some of the most difficult scenes in character, and I experienced that perfect immersion into my character where I could lose myself into the role. Yes, I could find that place; I could do it.
We had to move out of the fierce sun and returned to the kitchen for a late lunch. I nibbled a sandwich, AJ almost finished the rest of the loaf with hideous good appetite. Mum returned from her studio, and gave me a funny look as she noted that I was wearing one of Annie's dresses. I don't think that's what she expected of her son. But at that particular time, I wasn't her son, I was Juliet.
Mum sniffed vaguely and looked at AJ's emptying glass. "There's more gin in the cupboard if you like, Arthur."
"Wonderful. Thank you, Mrs Wyatt. I think I might" and he stepped over to the cocktail cabinet to get another drink. "Anyone else?" He called, but we both declined.
Although no one I knew ever referred to AJ as `Arthur', the exchange made me happy. It was convivial, adult and reassuring. AJ was happy here and Mother was happy with AJ.
We continued to work and my father returned home mid afternoon-ish.
"What time's the `kick off' then?"
"The performance starts at six thirty, Harold" said my mother in a rather admonishing tone.
"Good. Do yer want me to give you a lift up to school then? Think I'd better if y'going to wear that bloody dress!"
"No thank you, father. I shall change to trousers then AJ and I will walk over to school at five thirty." I was still being Juliet; respectful, innocent Juliet.
"Okay. Ooh, in that case it must be gin time!" And he poured himself a G n' T'.
"Anything for tea?" I couldn't face the idea of eating again, and so I ducked out of the prospect of food.
I changed to trousers and a shirt and AJ accompanied me to school.
As we approached the gates, there was a little figure away to one side that moved towards us. To my surprise, it was Marion – Adrian's little sister.
"Hello, Nick!" She called.
" Hello to you!" I'd forgotten her name and I sort of blundered about trying to remember it.
"Adrian sent me."
Nonplussed, I almost shrugged.
"He wanted me to give you this." And she produced a slightly crumpled envelope which she thrust into my hands. "And to wish you luck for this evening. And this . . . " She beckoned me down to her level, wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a kiss on the lips. I was so surprised that I just looked at her dumbfounded. She looked me straight in the eyes for a moment then released her hold and hurried off down the hill again.
"Well," said AJ while watching her hurry away "unless I'm a Chinaman, that had nothing to do with Adrian. I think you might have an admirer!"
"She's only thirteen!"
"Same age as Juliet, then."
Mrs Trellis was dancing about in a pathetically nervous state. "Okay, Nicky? Where's your shoes? I think I've lost my copy of the play! Romeo's gone missing, who's doing the lights?" And off he went, fussing about with his two `assistant producers' – Denby and Richards in tow.
I melted away to hide in the upper wings where I chanced upon Hugh sitting on a scenery box.
"Hello Nick." He sounded rather sad and depressed and shifted sideways a little so I could share the box.
"Mrs Trellis is positively driving me mad, so I'm hiding. All a bit ridiculous."
I said nothing.
"Adrian and all that." He announced. "Don't know what's going on there. Didn't actually see it myself, just heard about it from others, but funny business. He's a lovely fellow, but a little extreme, y'know. So he's gone off then."
I couldn't let that go. I wasn't going to let Hugh dismiss Adrian away so simply."Were you there?"
"What me? No. No, heard about it after of course. But no, wasn't there."
"Did you get off with Adrian?" I was getting annoyed and my tone was accusatory.
"Me? Well we sort of did it together, I suppose." He was being very defensive.
"And you had it off." That was not a question.
"No!" He wheeled around and looked at me, then dropped his gaze.
"No, we just sort of played about a bit."
"He was in love with you."
"Mmm." He looked at the floor, then at his watch. Lastly at me.
"Was only a bit of fun. I mean, couldn't be anything else. Could it?"
I said nothing.
"We need to get ready. Let's just practice the movements from the last act `cos they've changed the shape of the vault thing. I'm going to die like this. You've got to come from upstage and let them see you kissing my mouth . . ." And we stood and went through the balletic movements of our suicides on the scenery box. I was in character, in love, tragedy and despair, but still aware that someone had betrayed someone else.
Either Hugh or AJ was lying.
I stripped off my dull, ordinary clothes and dressed in my Juliet costume and assumed her persona as Mrs Trellis watched carefully and lasciviously before lacing me up – rather tightly.
I'd let him watch me. I knew that he was watching me. I almost wanted him to lust after me as I became a woman. For a few seconds I stood in my panties, looking towards him and became aware that my penis was beginning to stiffen. That was going a bit too far, so quickly I slipped on my girdle, glad that it would hide my naughty willy from him.
Once dressed, I sat quietly and alone for a few moments to adjust my breathing before advancing to makeup. Maggie hardly spoke, she knew that I was concentrating and any irrelevant chatter would be most unwelcome. Lastly, I put some perfume on, Je Reviens, to make me feel confidently feminine.
Some of the Company assembled behind the curtain to peep out at the assembling audience. I had no intention of doing so; there would be no audience for me. I would be Juliet, whether there were two people there or two thousand. I sat quietly in the stiflingly hot semi-darkness of the wings, Hugh sat opposite. Before us, the curtain swayed very gently in the breeze wafting into the auditorium from every opened door and window. As the curtains swayed, great blasts of summer light flooded into our secret darkness. Someone would have to close the doors before curtain up.
"Everyone ready? Yes? Chorus reader? Get ready, please. Sampson, Gregory, then Abraham and whatsaname? Ready for Act One, Scene One? Yes? Okay. Curtains, please!"
And off we went. And it all passed in a blur, it was perfect. Hugh and I fed off each other like, like . . .lovers. And we gracefully expired together on the painted plywood vault stage centre. I relaxed in my death pose almost on top of Hugh as much as I could and tried to stop breathing beneath the glare of the lights. Sweat dribbled down me as I lay there in the final verses of the play. Although I heard the swish of the curtains closing, I had to be coaxed and lifted from my death pose. Life seemed to be the attribute of someone else; not me, not Juliet.
The cast lined up behind the curtain that suddenly swished open revealing us to the audience and the audience to us. I gasped to see all the people in the light and life of the auditorium; I simply had no idea that the auditorium would be so full. We advanced and bowed and curtseyed to Mr Gibson's signal.
Above the applause, I heard him shout "Juliet and Romeo only!" And Hugh and I advanced to rather overwhelming applause as we bowed and curtseyed. I looked up at Hugh and wanted to kiss him there and then, but his face was set and he wouldn't meet my eyes.
"Company, advance!" Called Mr Gibson and we all bowed and curtseyed again.
"Nurse! Advance"
Dickie did a sort of camp double take and then advanced, curtseyed in the pretence of embarrassed surprise while blowing kisses to the crowd. The audience laughed and clapped harder; Dickie Bennet had stolen the show brilliantly
At last the curtain closed, and we all deflated. The play had been a success; now all we had to do was to survive the reception.
Once again, Mr Gibson martialled his troops.
"Company lead off, please down the steps into the Refectory, then Mercutio and Tybalt, next Lady C and Nurse. Then wait a second or so and it's Romeo 'n' Julio. Bugger! No. Juliet!"
That was a genuine error and we all laughed in recognition and relief that we hadn't made the same error in the performance.
Off they went before us, down the steps and into the disgusting heat and noise of the vaulted refectory to join the audience for post-performance drinks. Now it was our turn.
"Here we go. I think we ought to kiss at the top of the steps, Hugh."
"What? Why?"
"Because we're supposed to be lovers and when we stand up there, we're still performing!"
"Hmm. Okay then. Cheek to cheek, not mouths."
"Okay."
And we emerged from the back stair passage like a royal couple, he took my hand in his aloft, we kissed cheek to cheek and descended the short flight of steps to renewed applause. Dad, Mum and Sis were there to welcome me.
"Fantastic, absolutely fantastic, lovely!" Mum bubbled and cascaded emotion before me. "Super, absolutely super! Come here! Can't believe it was really you! Beautiful!. Oh Nicky, you're so clever!"
Eventually Mum released me from her embrace and Dad pumped my arm up and down "Excellent! Absolutely excellent! You're a born performer!"
I really think he was proud of me at that moment. Not for being a nancy boy, but for being able to portray a character – and subsuming the self into the character.
Annie just grinned. I looked to her for some kind of verdict. Given what she knew, hers was the most important judgement.
She pulled me to her and hugged me hard. "You had me completely fooled," she whispered into my ear. "I really believed you were a girl called Juliet!"
I pulled back and looked at her face carefully. Nothing but joy.
"Thank you." And I kissed her lightly as she crushed me to her. I think baby brother had finally done something praiseworthy.
They all had glasses of chilled white wine, but being a mere `pupil', all I was offered was a glass of warm orange juice which I declined. And the instant the tray had gone, I regretted my decision. Not only was it a hot night, but the stone vaulted ceiling and stained glass windows of the refectory kept all the heat and noise in and all the sweaty bodies were making it unbearable.
"Congratulations, young Wyatt!" Called a voice behind me. I turned and the Headmaster grabbed my hand, shaking it rather enthusiastically. Alongside stood a rather stout lady, smiling pleasantly. I immediately realised that she must be his wife. It never occurred to me that he could be married or even have any kind of life outside of school.
"Marvellous stuff. Excellent acting! Now I would like you to join Romeo for a commemorative photograph." He looked towards my parents, "if I might borrow the `star' for a moment?" They demurred of course, and he led me away. Mrs Coleridge, if that's who she was, stayed chatting to Mum and Dad.
I was feeling rather hot and flustered as I tried to follow him through the throng of performers and their families to where Hugh was waiting. As I arrived, I became aware of a rather plain looking girl standing quite close to Hugh. She seemed rather nervous and looked as though she felt out of place. Hugh saw that I had noticed her."Nick, I'd like you to meet Sally, my girlfriend."
Girlfriend!
Girlfriend. God is that what Adrian had found out or been told? And is that what drove him away from Hugh? She was a rather plain, round shouldered creature with mousy hair and poor bone structure. I'm sure she was very sweet, loved her mother and was kind to puppies and orphans. But really, she was no match for the gorgeous Hugh.
She held out a rather limp paw and I`m afraid that I matched it with a limp-wristed handshake; I was in shock. Luckily, Hugh's parents were close by and they filled in the space with polite conversation. I tried to look towards Hugh, but he wouldn't meet my eye. I think I had an inkling of who had been lying about the binning of Adrian.
We stood wooden and lifeless for the official photographs, feeling awkward and upset – at least I was -as I could feel trickles of sweat running down from below the lacing of my dress. And once the photos were done, I sat down on one of the benches that lined the walls; I felt rubbish; it was all too loud and sweaty.
Mr Gibson called for everyone's attention, gave a brief `thank you everyone' kind of speech and reminded the cast that we would required for the next night's performance at five thirty.
I stayed where I was, feeling sickeningly light headed and desperate to get this restrictive dress off. The refectory was impossibly hot and I just couldn't breathe.
"Christ you look awful!" This was Annie.
"Thanks."
"Get your head down between your knees."
I tried to shake my head; there was no hope of doing so in my costume. She touched my forehead and then shouted over her shoulder to someone I couldn't see "Can you get some cold water, please. Quickly!"
There was someone else there starting to undo the dress lacing at my back.
"Much too tight" said the voice, and I think I recognised it as Maggie. Things were going grey and I couldn't be sure who was who.
"Catch him!"
And I slid onto the floor. Out cold.
Apparently, I fainted (again!), and they carried me up the stairs into a much cooler classroom where the windows were opened and I was splashed with cold water.
As I awoke I had a stupendous headache. But when I recall the episode I remember that the headache was there before I came round. My head was clanging like a gong.
"Can you sit up a bit?" I was sure that was Annie and I tried.
"And can you drink this" I did, but some leaked down my neck onto my chest.
"That's enough for now." That was definitely Maggie's voice.
"Lift your shoulders we're getting the dress off." I struggled the gown down.
"And now your bottom" other hands helped me lift my hips and the dress slipped away. I think that was Annie speaking.
Space, silence. Head was still going `bong' in time with my heartbeat.
"Oh Nicky!" Mum's voice and I tried to open my eyes, but I was squinting up into the painful light.
"I'm okay. Fine. Just let me sit for a minute."
"I want to get you home. Dad and I can carry you."
"I've got his clothes here. So he doesn't have to go back to the wardrobe room."
Who on earth was that? I opened one eye - Keighley! What was he doing here?
"Thank you, dear. We'll get him dressed here." Said Mum.
"No!" I started to panic No one may undress me and see my underwear! Certainly not my mother! I tried to struggle up but a hand on my shoulder patted me down reassuringly. Maggie knew why I was getting agitated, after all it was her girdle and she'd have some explaining to do as well.
"No. Let's give the young man some dignity! Everyone out please." Announced Maggie.
"Come on Mum." Annie. I think she'd guessed too.
"But I'm his mother!"
"And I'm trained in emergency medicine! So let's give him some breathing room and some privacy. Out, please! His recovery will be quicker and more complete."
"No, I need to be there."
"Mrs Wyatt, I have the patient's best interests at heart. Let him dress at his own pace and do so quietly. He'll be fine if you just let him be. I'll assess Nicholas carefully before I release him to you."
"Ursula let him alone, he's in good hands!" That was Dad.
Babbling noises reduced to quiet. I opened my eyes slightly to see Maggie looking down at me.
"How yer feeling?"
"Awful headache, bit sick. Didn't know you were a nurse."
"I'm not. I'm an actress." She grinned a bit.
"But I passed my First Aid badge!"
I laughed slowly and quietly, in time with the bonging in my head. I think I knew what I wanted to be.