I was up before the alarm and was sore, typical after a game soreness but decided to go for a run. I was surprised when JJ was waiting for me and he said you are so fucking predictable. I laughed and said well you surprised me. We ran the usual route and talked the entire way. He expressed some concern about golf saying guys won't know how to behave. I thought about that and we decided to have everyone meet in the club parking lot and the two of us would talk about that. It was a quick shower and a travel mug of coffee and off to school. The student parking lot was about half full and I knew it was a perfect time for a long weekend. I walked into English and the hot teacher just looked. It was that way all day with both faculty and students wondering why I was there. I stated for lunch and Josh told me half the team wasn't in school but would be at golf. I saw Rob and asked if he could get some basketball players to golf today? He said consider that done. Then I asked if he was going to the service tomorrow. He said only if she rises from the dead so I can kill her. I shook my head and said well that line forms behind Sam. Rob be assured there will be no resurrection.
I went to the car grabbed some workout clothes and went to the field house and started my usual workout. Well not my usual but a somewhat scaled down version because of it being in season. I was in the shower and Wyatt appeared as he was running and needed a shower. Once we were dressed he came to my locker area and asked Mike, are you mad about the game? Wyatt, it's complicated and I would rather you talk with your grandfather. After that we can talk but to answer, I'm not mad just concerned. With that it was off to the Club for a new version of High School golf.
When I pulled into the club parking lot I knew I had number potential problems.
1 This was important as it was a match against his former school and teammates. They were both undefeated and winner would have a leg up on the section.
2 I had invited a lot of spectators, many having no idea of golf educate.
3 I was responsible to keep things calm.
4 I needed help.
I found JJ, Josh and Chad and asked them to gather everyone in the parking lot. I knew that there would be 6 groups and that there would be 2 in each group. I went into the Pro Shop and asked if there were any caddies available and was told, they are all in school or in my parking lot. Mike, there are a lot of members who watch Cole play and I'll give them carts and ask that they supervise your rabble. It might cost you a few drinks after. Also, I'll need you phone number and you in a cart. Just in case you are needed to help supervise. I said thanks and I went outside.
In the parking lot I told everybody that this was a big match as both were undefeated and that the winner would most likely win the section and advance to the team championships. There would be 6 groups of 2 players and that they played 9 holes and the 5 best scores out of 6 counted. I asked how many have played golf and more than half the hands went up. Well the you know the drill. As they get ready to hit no moving around and no talking, be respectful and don't harass the visitors. There will be members in carts with each group and remember you are their guests. Then I said I almost forgot, phones either off or silent and this isn't fucking school, I mean it. Everyone laughed and I said enjoy the ability of these dudes, it isn't an easy game to play.
Around the first tee I was chatting with the members and they were more than willing to assist and were happy to have carts as the were usually forced to walk. They were really happy when I said after the match drinks were on me for an hour. Cole appeared and said MJ, I don't know how you do what you do but this is awesome. As guys came up the drive and I saw how many were here and I had the best warmup session in a long time. Then he smiled and said see you soon, I need to putt. Matches started to go off next and a decent number of spectators followed each group. Just before his group was up Cole appeared and had a chat with his coach and went over and shook hands with the visiting coach (his former coach). Cole started to walk away and he stopped turned around and glared at the guy. Then just shook his head and went to his bag. His opponent for the match was Jim Meyers, defending district champion and state runner up. The hole is 407 yards straight away, traps left and right and an elevated green which sloped from back to front and was usually very fast. Our course isn't that long but the greens are very difficult. Jim hit a great drive and it was about 100 yards from the center of the green. Cole watched and put the cover back on his drive took out an iron and his typical routine and laced right down the middle and he was about 40 yards behind his opponent. I looked at the green and saw the pin location and just smiled. There was a mob following his group and Cole was carrying his own bag and chatting with his buddies. At the ball Cole looked and I knew he was about 150 away and was sure he had an exact number. I knew this was a perfect 8 iron. Same focused routine and he hit a very high shot which started at the middle and as it started to come down it fell to the left and hit about 15 feet behind the hole and started to gently role back and it ended 5 feet below the hole. Jim, took a lot of time and when he was ready the members watching put both hands in the air and the place was dead quiet. The shot was very high and appeared to be right at the hole and Jim, pleased with the shot looked away and put the club in his bag and Cole walked by and I heard him say Jim, welcome to South Hills and I looked and the ball had spun off the green and was rolling down the hill. When it was finished what was left was a 30 yard pitch shot, that was no fun at all. The spin on the wedge was too much and had no chance of staying on the green, while Cole's 8 iron having less spin was the shot. Jim took a 6 and Cole and a 3.
The next hole was a monster at 602 yards up hill drive and down hill to the green and the club driveway dissected the fairway. Both hit awesome drives and Jim was first to hit and he blasted a fairway wood and it went just a bit left into some light rough. Cole with a slight down hill lie hit an iron just short of the driveway. Cole was first to play and he quickly selected the club and stuck with the usual routine and it was a smooth swing and Cole never looked at it he simply walked a few steps picked up the dived and the place went nuts as his shot hit the green, spun back and fell into the hole for an eagle 3. Jim had a 2 putt par and was now 5 shots down after 2 holes. Later I would ask about that shot and he said MJ, I knew the second I made contact that I couldn't have hit it any better and it would be what it became. The match went on like that with Cole having 2 more birdies and all pars and shot 5 under 31 and a course record for the front nine. Jim shot a very respectable 38 which was 2 over par. On the green there was a very polite hand shake and as they were walking off I heard Cole say, heck the finals are at Latrobe and I play there whenever I want, you think I know this place? You should see me there. Figure it out and don't hit the damn driver on ever hole. The best 4 other scores had us down by two strokes but Cole's 7 shot victory sealed the deal. Then a grounds crew guy drove over the hill towing three carts and and the visiting team were directed to drive up the 10th hole and there they would find their transportation.
Cole all smiled jumped in my cart and I dropped him off at the clubhouse and thanked the pro and drove to my place. I didn't go to the house as I wanted to let Cole tell his mom. As I walked into my place my mood immediately changed as now there was nothing to do but deal with tomorrow and the 10:00 disaster. I needed to think and I did something I hadn't done in weeks I found some cigarettes and grabbed a beer and went outback and simply sat there. Then I remembered the phone and turned it off. There was another cigarette and 2 more beers and about 90 minutes with Carrie, well not with her but with the many memories both good and bad. There were many times when it was fun and how great the makeup sex was until it wasn't. The time I first noticed here leaving one Jeff's drunken bashes with sex and drugs. Well it would be what I made it and I would make it like Carrie made her life with little thought.
I was lost in thought and suddenly realized someone was sitting beside me. I looked up and saw Megan and I asked how long were you there? She smiled and said that's not important. First, thanks for making Cole's day. I said no problem but what else? Mike, your talk tomorrow it can't be over prepared and definitely not memorized. It needs to be from your heart. Now that you have been here thinking about it for almost two hours and had 3 beers and I'm guessing the same number of these, indicating the cigarettes it's time to move on and just stand up there tomorrow and how do you say it? She thought and sad oh yeah. It will be what it becomes. Besides you are amazing in front of a group of people. Just be Mike. I laughed and said well Carrie and Mike were and still are an enigma wrapped in a puzzle. Megan stood up looked at me and said nope, just STAR CROSSED LOVERS, good night Michael. I smiled and said mom, thanks for the visit. I grabbed another beer and as Megan always does, she knew I needed help and was there. This time it was more than that as there was this bond that was developing between us, something different and new to me. Tired and mentally exhausted I cleaned up throwing the empty bottles in the garbage and looked at the cigarettes and threw them in as well, enough of that was enough. Then I stripped and added a cover and fell asleep.
I was up long before the alarm and it was one of those September days that made the month my favorite. Gone was the August heat and humidity it was clear and comfortable. I quickly dressed and was off on a run and as I went passed JJ's house I heard, dude wait up and JJ joined me. It was a fun run and with out either of us saying award we both pushed the pace finishing quickly. We leaned against his truck and we're chatting and he asked MJ, are you ready for this morning? I shrugged and said JJ, I'm not sure and I'm not sure I know what to say. MJ, just so you know I'll be there, not that I give a shit about her but for you. I smiled and said you have no idea how much I was hoping you would say that. MJ, I know you don't pay attention to these things but the place will be packed and that chapel won't even remotely hold the service. I looked at JJ and said well I'm being me and it will be khakis, light blue shirt and blazer and no fucking tie. He laughed and said I see you are ready and rearing to go.
At my place I quickly showered and while drying off I looked in the mirror and realized I hadn't shaved in a couple of days. I was a mess an got the clippers and trimmed up the stragglers and decided, not yet and shaved. In my underwear I made an omelet and toast and coffee and checked the paper. Sam had had an outstanding game and his team won the second game in a row. I cleaned up and got dressed and went outside and ran into dad, dressed in a suit and tie. After he was done shaking his head about what I was wearing he asked if I wanted a ride. I said sure but that more than likely I would be driving home with JJ. Again we drove in silence.
Inside I realized that JJ was right, there were simply too many people. I went right up to Carrie laying there as peaceful as the other day. All I could do was sadly shake my head and then Sam was beside me. I quietly said nice game last night. He said thanks and added are you ready. I looked at him and asked are you? He replied as is always the case with my sister, do we have a fucking choice. I was struck by the bitter edge to his voice but replied Sam there are always choices and some are better than others. Remember choices beget choices and it goes on and on. Just then the funeral director asked that we each pay our final respects and then if we would please make our way to the building at the end of the parking lot. The family we meet you there after they say their goodbyes. We will conduct the service where there is appropriate room.
I simply turned and went outside, I had said my goodbyes in the damn ICU room. Once outside I simply went for a walk knowing I had at least 30 minutes and most likely more. As it turned out it was an hour before the coffin and the family made their way to the hall. Father Grosko conducted what I thought was a very mundane Catholic service and said equally mundane words but he was in a tough spot as he had no idea who these people were. The funeral director then said Mike, if you would please, I was sitting in the second row and I got up and leaned over and shook Carrie's dad's hand and kissed her mon on the check and simply made eye contact with Sam. I went to the front shook hands with the funeral director and as I did he attached a microphone to my lapel. I went to the now closed coffin put my hand on it and quietly said ONE LAST TIME FOR YOU, BABE. As soon as I turned around and saw the expressions on people's face and I knew. I said,
Good Morning, I have always hated these things, indicating the microphone. First of all they put a barrier between the speaker and the audience and then there are moments like this when one of two things happen; someone makes an unfortunate candid remark and is in a boat load of trouble or like this time when the audience hears a very personal comment or thought. Let's start with what we all know about Carrie, she was smoking hot and trust me she knew it and knew how to play that, mostly for good reasons, but then again there were other times, She was super smart and all through our high school years her and I were either first or second in our class. It was so close that on any given day it changed. Sometimes it was a punctuation mark on an English paper, a missed vocabulary word in Spanish it could be anything. We talked about that and it was never a goal for either of us to be number one. For me and I'm sure for Carrie, neither of us wanted to give that damn talk at graduation. Carrie was athletic and could have played D1 softball but that was not a goal. It was just something she did. She was fun, energetic, caring and loving. Yet demanding and had goals. She had a special look when she was disappointed and another when she was upset. She was an interior designer with special talent. In a blind presentation I picked her proposal for every floor but the executive floor. I still wonder about that. There was a special love for her mom, dad and brother, often not shown.
When you think of Carrie and Mike, you need to think of Catherine and Heathcliff. There were some blanks stares, yet some of the students laughed. Well, that was for our classmates in AP English. You could also think of Romeo and Juliet or Lancelot and Guinevere and I could go on but you get the point. Star Crossed Lovers. As rising Juniors both individually and collectively we were a pain, we bent every rule and broke most of them. The pre-football parties were like a Roman feast, booze, beer, sex and the flavors didn't matter. I never was into that, well most of that and was there because it was almost required. Then there were the 24 hours that changed things. I was simply not having a good time at one of those parties and was leaving when I saw this hot chick. I went up to her and said hi, I'm Mike. She stopped, looked at me and said I know who you are. Dude we have been in the same classes since kindergarten and you have exactly 10 seconds to remember my name. At 10 seconds she would up and swung and I caught her hand inches from my face and said Carrie, that will never happen and we ended up at Eat N Park. The next day I was working out at school and the coach said Mike every time I see you you are bigger are you taking something to help that? I said nope and he said well let's find out and he had me drug tested. I was furious as half the team wouldn't have passed a drug test, yet I was chosen.
That night I called Carrie and we decided to go to the mall as I needed clothes and she started to pick things out and I resisted but the relationship exploded and became all encompassing. We were in many of the same classes, we were the power couple, the parties stopped as we didn't go. McDonalds became the spot along with Eat N Park. We were young teens madly in love, ignoring everything but ourselves and our emotions and yes our hormones. We, well I, should have realized there was a reason we didn't notice each other for 11 years. There was a fundamental difference at our core. Unlike those Star Crossed Lovers, whose lives were torn apart by fate and outside influences our relationship was torn apart by a deep seeded difference. The breakup was equally as intense as the start and we found ways to deeply hurt each other and did so often. I knew the issue but didn't realize Carrie knew until our last moments together at the hospital. You see I am the Mike Simmons I am because I loved Carrie. She will always be part of who I am and she will always be there pushing me in directions I choose not to travel. I'm just hoping I can resist. More importantly that the others I grow to love and who grow to love me will understand about that person lurking in my head.
You have listened to my views about Carrie and Mike and sit there wondering what happened and why. I'll try to explain. First and foremost you always strive to win but you never accept a total victory. My dad taught me that. We started like that and worked things out then we didn't. There was suddenly a need for total victory and every time. There was that trip to Nemacolin which she thought was marvelous and I hated so intensely that I almost called a cab for her, we had flown there as I am a pilot. There were the many exchanges both good and bad that will remain between Carrie and me. This all can be described by a song from 1969, way before either of were a thought in our parents minds. "I DID IT MY WAY" One stanza revised to present tense is:
I do what I have to do
And see it through without exemption
I plan each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I do it my way.
That revised stanza describes me to a tee. Now if you add 2 words and change 1 word to the original this happens;
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I never planned each charted course
Nor a careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way.
And Carrie appears.
I can honestly say those few changes demonstrate our relationship and how we got to this place and time. Our ways, our goals and our needs were simply too different. For a long time I thought the different choices we made and our different goals and what we did to achieve those goals was just different. I stand corrected, as obviously some of those choices were better than others.
Thank you.
I went right outside and was joined by JJ and I said, let's go, you need hours in command and I need the freedom of the sky. We hadn't even pulled onto Lebanon Church yet and JJ asked MJ, what's the one thing you wanted to say, this morning, that you couldn't say? I looked at him and replied, that one day we had a fight and Carrie said Mike, just give in or I'll have to simply fuck you into submission. JJ laughed and said, you should have let her try, then dumped her. I shook my head and said, JJ sometimes you scare the shit out of me, airport please.
At the airport a different JJ appeared as I was amazed at how completely JJ did the pre-check and inside he was very careful and precise. His coms. with the tower was crisp and no nonsense and we were in the air in no time at all. He asked where I wanted to go and I said just fly, I don't give a fuck. I had a vague idea we were heading south. I didn't care as I was watching him fly and damn he was different, precise and careful. Then I got lost rummaging through my head and was cleaning things up. In my dazed mind I was collecting everything in my head about Carrie and was tossing it out the window of the plane and watching it splatter on the ground. Then something registered, JJ was talking to a tower and we were landing. I looked around and said get us back in the air, I'm not getting out of this plane. MJ, you definitely are getting out and I'm not fucking you into submission. JJ, I hate this place. Michael you don't, you hate what happened here and you and I are going skeet shooting and then we are having a marvelous late lunch in the fucking sports bar and then we are going home. Well unless you want to get a room.
At the range I got shotgun 101 and JJ was more than ready. He yelled pull and two targets were launched and two targets exploded. When it was my turn all I hit was air and JJ said MJ we are not leaving until you hit something and I'm hungry and this is expensive and this day is on me. It took 3 more tries and I finally hit a target. JJ took my shotgun, put in two shells and yelled pull and blasted both targets, handed the gun back to me and said, damn I though you had a bad shotgun. Lunch at the sports bar was great and as we were walking to the shuttle to the air strip I stopped just outside the main entrance and said JJ, that was marvelous and we both burst out laughing.
The flight home was fun and we chatted the whole way and I was impressed how JJ flew so effortlessly. At home when we pulled into the drive way he asked so what you doing tomorrow? I said fuck if I know, but right now we are going into my room and enjoy the heck out of each other and tomorrow will be what it becomes.
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