Warning: The usual disclaimers apply here. If you don't like any of the following, leave now: gay sex, vulgar or harsh language or if you're underage wherever you are reading this, then you also need to leave or be held responsible.
This is mostly fiction (with some real life instances). Any similarities to any real persons living or deceased or any situations is pure coincidence. Please do not copy without my consent.
This is my first story and first attempt at writing. So it would probably have a high chance of sucking. But I would love some feedback and constructive criticism. Feel free to comment by emailing me at granger12@hotmail.com
This story is copyrighted as of (2012) Enjoy!
"Dear Bradley, I don't think I'm strong enough at the moment to tell you this in person, so I thought I would put it in a letter. I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of weeks and as cheesy and clich as it sounds, a lot of soul searching...and I think perhaps...we should maybe....stop seeing each other."
I stopped and read through what I had just written. Urgh....this is terrible, maybe writing this letter was a bad idea, maybe I should just tell him in person? I crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it to the side of my room. It bounced and settled among dozens of other similar crumpled papers. I've never been much of a writer, so I had no idea why I was adamant about putting my thoughts down on paper.
I got out of my chair and lay down in my bed and clicked play on my playlist. Radiohead's Kid A started playing softly in the background. Bradley got me into this a couple of months back and now I can't stop listening to it. Yes, I still call him Bradley because I hate shortening names and I think he likes me calling him that, it makes him sound more important he told me once. As my eyes slowly drooped, I thought back on the first time we met.
'That was nice.'
'No worries, I'm glad you enjoyed it.' I replied. Small talk wasn't my strong point.
We were talking about a blowjob. That's how we started off knowing each other. I was horny one night and on one of those hook-up websites, you know the kind. So as I was searching through the profiles, scrolling through hot guy after hot guy, I found his profile and decided to message him. He had a picture of his body on his profile and little other information. But to be honest, all he needed really was his picture because he was pretty damn fine. To be honest, I wasn't really expecting a reply. Lo and behold, 5 minutes later, I had a reply back. We chatted for awhile, me being coy and him persuading me to come over.
Of course, when we were chatting that night, the reason why I had agreed to meet him was because in my mind, I was thinking. Why not? If things eventuate from this....great! If not, I'll have at least hooked up with a good looking guy. I was 21 after all and ALWAYS horny. So after a bit of convincing, I drove over. Don't you just hate how good looking people always seem to get their way? Ok, maybe I didn't have the strongest of convictions to say no, but I wasn't passing up an opportunity to sleep with a hot guy. Let's me frank, I'm not exactly the greatest looking guy out there. I'm not hideous, but I'm not turning heads.
He was as his picture showed; a real looker. You know, typical European features, hot face, hot body. Not like super buff, but a nice, athletic build. There wasn't much talking to be honest. It was wham, bang, thank you mam. It was just a blowjob too, we didn't go all the way. And I was the only one giving the blowjob.
At that point in time, my self esteem wasn't at my highest and I was so desperate to feel wanted and the potential to hook up with a guy much hotter than what I'm used to meant the whole reciprocation thing didn't even matter. I don't know if anyone's ever been there, but for those that have, you'd know exactly what I'm going on about.
After the deed, we shot the shit for maybe 10-15 minutes. Just everyday conversation like: "What do you do?", "How was your day?". Lame conversation, chit chatty stuff. Nothing profound or anything. I wasn't really paying much attention to what we were talking about though because I was already picturing a relationship with this guy. Something is definitely wrong with me.
About 15 or so, I realised he was saying he needed to get going. I decided then and there that I'm going to try to pursue this. We parted ways, me having his number saved and I drove off into the night, wondering when would be the most appropriate time to call him again for another hook up. You know, not close enough that I look like a desperate guy, but not so long enough that he forgets what I look like and I lose the momentum.
I think I lasted 2 hours before I texted him to say thank you. What? I've got really good manners....
But it was actually perhaps another 4 days later that I texted him again seeing what he was doing. No reply. I felt kinda bummed. But true to my never say die nature, I waited another couple of days and texted again. Something like: "Hey how's it going? What have you been up to? Keen to meet up again?"
No reply. I was starting to think it was a lost cause at that point and decided....well, maybe that was that. But surprisingly, he texted me back the next day saying he had been interstate and his phone ran out of batts and he forgot to took a charger.
Thinking back on it, I'm not sure if that was the truth or he was suddenly feeling horny, looking through his messages and decided that I might've just been desperate enough to head back and hook up with him again. Either way, I was back and we hooked up. Again, just a blowjob and again, just me giving him the blowjob. And again, we conversed afterwards.
Over the next couple of times of casual sexual encounters, we actually got to know more about each other. What he wanted to be, what I was doing. I was still in Uni at that point and he was working retail but wanted to become a comic book artist. I'm not sure if I had already made up my mind earlier or if all this flood of new information about him made me like him more, but I was definitely starting to have some feelings for the guy.
Maybe as my friend had suggested, it was only because I had some serious rose coloured glasses on because from all the facts at the moment, I was little more than a convenience. I denied it and showed my friend that my glasses were as clear as day. And then took off my glasses and showed it to him. Oh, sometimes I think I'm hilarious.
Over the next couple of weeks and such, we kept seeing each other, having sex, progressing in our sexual exploits and adventures. Each time, we chatted more about each other. We also occasionally chatted online. At that point, I felt as though things were progressing nicely and in a positive direction.
Before I knew it, it was my birthday. Birthday's aren't usually exciting for me. But I mentioned it to him after sex one night saying I think I wanted to plan an event. I went on to tell him what I was planning before he interrupted...
"Are you doing anything on Saturday? (the day of my birthday).
"No...I don't think so. I was going to organise my event for some other night." I replied.
"How about we go out for dinner then?"
I think I nearly fell off my seat. It was one of those holy shit moments, I think my hard work and perseverance has paid off and this 'thing', whatever our current relationship was, was actually progressing. I grinned. "Sure!"
We decided to go to a Spanish restaurant because I said I really liked Spanish food. I usually don't drink that much, but I was on cloud 9 that night and there was plenty of sangria. We had a great time that night, we ate, we chatted, everything was pretty ace.
Anyway, I think I got a little bit more tipsy than I intended too and lost a lot of self control. After he paid for the meal, we walked back to his car and on the way there and back home, I kept looking over at him and smiling. No guys really taken me out to dinner on my birthday or for any special occasion. I was usually always the one spoiling the other person so it was kind of nice. I think somewhere along the drive home, I decided that I might tell him that I like him.
We had sex that night in the car. After sex, we were sitting on the grass, a cool breeze rustling the trees and caressing my face. He was smoking; I was just happy.
"You shouldn't fall in love with me." He said, seemingly out of nowhere.
I sobered up rather quickly. "W..What?"
"Look, I saw the way you were looking at me in the car and I don't want you to fall for me. It's been really great the last couple of weeks and I don't get your hopes up because I'm not really looking for a relationship at the moment. I know this makes me sound really obnoxious, but I guess....I just don't want to take any chances."
I cringed slightly through that and my heart sank a little.
"Oh." I mumbled, not sure of what was happening and trying desperately to collect my thoughts.
We both became silent. I suddenly began not feeling so great. I picked at the grass on my side and wondered what in the hell I was going to say to all this. I felt weird. I suppose a big part of me was enjoying this 'thing' we had so much that I didn't want to let it go.
"I don't know if you still wanna keep seeing each other?" he questioned.
I sighed and mentally put my hope in a box for a moment to conserve it.
"Look, I hear what you're saying and I'm not pressuring you into anything. Let's just enjoy what we have now. I'm not expecting anything from you."
(Lies: "I'm expecting you to ask me to be your boyfriend soon")
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Positive." I replied.
(Lies. "Negative, I have no idea what I'm getting myself into and what I really want is to be in a relationship with you so I'm happy to wait.")
We sat in silence for a little while after that, me watching his cigarette light up every time he took a puff, the small sliver of light illuminating his handsome face.
I woke up just as 'Motion Picture Soundtrack' finished. I got back into my chair, ripped out another piece of paper and started writing.
"Dear Bradley,
This is perhaps one of the hardestletters I've ever written in my life, and I just don't know where to start. I guess I could start with a few key confessions. And you're not going to like this..."
To Be Continued....