I don't know why, but I felt the time was right to pry into his life. Not quite sure how to phrase my opening question, my head upon his chest, I toyed at his nipple with a finger with apprehension as to his willingness of disclosure.
"How do ya know so much about ..." I hesitated, "sex ... ya know ... with guys?" It was a very forward question that after my blatant inquisition I started to fear reprisal.
I felt him tense but his arms slackened their hold of me and I heard him sigh. Barely audible I heard him say "Carl taught me!"
I remembered at the river he mentioned someone named Carl and I asked in a whisper, "Who's Carl, Jill?" In the darkness of the room, my head on his chest, I felt his chest expand and deflate, his heart seemed to beat faster and I heard him sob. Minutes went by in silence.
He sniffled, "Carl was the only person that ever loved me. He was like the dad I never had. He took me places, like hockey games and baseball games, taught me how to bowl and escorted me to things like father-son events." he began to cry and tightened his grip on me, Ohhh Jacky, I still miss him so much! He bawled. I felt awful for imposing on him. His pain so obvious. I held him tight as I moved up to face him. Tears streamed. His breath labored as he let out his silent angst.
I searched for words to comfort him, but found none. More importantly, I was there for him, holding him, letting him vent. I felt needed for the first time in my life.. My own tears poured at his hurt, beating myself up for asking such foolish questions that were none of my selfish business.
My face against his, our tears merged in wet sadness, all I could say was, "I'm so sorry, Jillian. I didn't mean to upset you! -- I love you!" I held him tighter and cried like I'd never cried before and not even knowing the full details that upset him so much. It was simply sharing his unsaid pain.
He regained composure, sobbing infrequent and relayed his sad story, "Carl was one of my mother's many boyfriends. The only one that paid any attention to me. The others just fucked HER! he screamed, pounding his fists on my back, "They came and they went. If they got serious, she chased them all away eventually, but not Carl! He endured her wrath ... for me!"
A smile appeared out of the blue, a reminiscent joy that he was reliving better times. I realized then how much this guy Carl meant to Jill.
"Carl finally came to live with us when I was 11.½ . It was the happiest time of my life. Even my mother seemed to improve herself. It was like we had a real family then. I even went to school every day `cause Carl wanted me to!" he said with pride and a smile that soon dissolved.
"For the first time that I could remember, we had food on the table every night. He had a good job, and provided for us, never giving up. Even when the stupid BITCH would lock herself in the bedroom for days on end in one of her frequent bi-polar, alcohol and drug inflicted meltdowns. Carl always hung in there!" he sobbed again with gut wrenching heaves.
"The fucking bitch gradually went back to her usual self , picking fights with Carl and me. She went back to her barmaid job when Carl begged her not to. He had enough money and she didn't have to go to work. Carl just wanted her to stay home and be a mom for me. But no, she insisted on working nights at a local bar. She would come home pissed and stoned, or not come home at all for a couple of days."
I kept quiet having nothing to say. I barely remembered my own mom's stupors and unpredictable demeanor. Then one day I was taken from our home, crying and screaming, not understanding that my mom wasn't coming home anymore.
Jill continued, "Carl and I used to cuddle on the couch watching TV. He would put his hand under my PJ top and rub my back or chest. He made me feel nice when he did that. Sometimes he'd rub my bare bum, if mom wasn't around. She was always jealous of the attention he gave me. The bitch would freak out on both, Carl and me and storm off to her bedroom, forcing Carl to sleep on the couch!
"One night when my mom was at work, Carl came into my room and sat on the edge of the bed like he often did. We'd talk about stuff before he'd kiss me good night. That night he was different, like nervous about something. He told me that he loved me even more than my mom and that he only stays because of me." A long pause followed, Jill sniffled and the tears stopped flowing.
"He put his hand under the covers and rubbed my thigh telling me how special I was. Well ...his hand moved up to my junk. I was a little scared, like, ya know? I mean he often felt my ass, sometimes he'd run a finger up and down my crack, it felt nice and I liked when he did that. Anyways, he started feeling me up, breathing real heavy and asked if it was okay. I told him it was. He pulled down the covers and then put his hand down my PJ's. His hand felt really nice, Jacky. He said he would stop if I wanted but if I liked it okay to take off my Pj's, so I did and he helped, then unbuttoned my shirt and took that off, too. He said now that I was almost a man he'd teach me things that guys do to make each other feel nice when they really like each other. I got a boner and he said that he really liked my dick, how big it was for a boy my age. He started jerking me off. My nipples, too. He'd pinch them then suck em and told me that I had nicer tits than any girl. He gave me my first blowjob, Jacky. He sucked and jerked me for a long time telling me that he wasn't going to stop until I had an orgasm. That's when he put a finger inside my bum saying it would help. I loved what he was doing to me. I didn't cum anything, ya know, sperm, but I did have what he said was a dry orgasm."
I wanted to tell him how sorry I was that he was molested, but the tone of his voice certainly wasn't that of needing sympathy. Jill told his story matter of fact, no emotions and in a monotone voice.
"After he did me he sat me on the edge of the bed and took off his clothes. He didn't ask or force me. I knew what he wanted and I'd do anything for Carl. He taught me how to suck his cock, ya know, where to lick and touch. Places that feel nice in order to please him. I liked his big, hard man cock, I thought it was awesome. I liked the taste and feel of it in. He came in my mouth and I didn't mind that either, Jacky!"
Things about Jill were starting to make sense to me. I now knew where he got most of his sexual education. A grown man!
Jill went on to confide, "Carl and I had sex every night that mom was working, mutual blowjobs at first. Carl always told me that I was the best damn cock sucker he'd ever had. Finally, I was good at something for once in my life, Jacky. I used to hear him fucking my mother in the next room. I was so jealous of that bitch then a few weeks later he told me he wanted to make real love to me, ya know, up my bum. He said that would be the ultimate way to prove that I loved him. Fuck, it hurt, Jacky!" he blurted with a chuckle. "after a few more times it kinda felt good though, and got better yet.. He told me that I was better lover than my mother would ever be!"
He was bearing all to me. I was flabbergasted at his latest revelation. Jill had been fucked up the ass? I didn't think that too many boys would admit those sex things to a friend. It made me feel special and loved by him.
"I used to pray that my mother would go into one of her depressed modes, `cause then Carl would sleep with me. We'd make love and fall asleep cuddling. In the morning I would give him a blowjob before he got up for work. We'd shower together to have sex when she was around and sober.
"Then she came home one night to find us naked in my bed, we`d fallen asleep. Carl said that I had a nightmare and he came in to comfort me and fell asleep. I backed him up on that excuse. She couldn't understand why we were naked and he was almost on top of me. If she would have looked closer she might have seen his cock up my bum, I used to like him to leave it there. I told her to mind her own fucking business, after all, we were both boys, Da! Stupid bitch! Same excuse I used when she questioned the showers together.
"Another time I woke up to go to the bathroom. Carl was sleeping with the bitch that night, he said he had to keep up appearances with her. I walked out of my bedroom naked and she happened to be in the hall. Carl had given me a few hickey's on my groin and one huge one on my bum cheek. He called it his branding' of me, or love-bites.' She noticed before I could hide my junk with my hands. I told her they were bruises from a fight at school. She was persistent and forced by hands way. She said they were hickeys, I told her to fuck off and turned away. That's when she saw the one on my cheek and screamed something about if I get some whore knocked up she wasn't going to support the slut and a baby. I had just turned twelve at that time, highly improbable but, Carl had managed to coax me into actual wet orgasms so I guess it was conceivable that I could get some bitch pregnant. The cunt didn't give a fuck if I was sexually active at twelve years old so long as it didn't affect her in any way!
"Carl was spending more and more nights in my bed. She was getting harder into drugs. She had to have known that something was going on. I mean he'd fuck me silly and the headboard would bang the wall, just like hers did. We just didn't seem to care anymore, ya know? She just liked his money paying all the bills and turned a blind eye to anything else, especially when she lost her stupid bar job because she stole some cash to buy coke cause Carl wouldn't give her any more spending money for that exact reason. I remember suggesting that he did, ya know, to keep her stoned, selfish reasons I guess. He wouldn't hear about it. I think he really did love her, ... although not as much as he loved me, he told me that often, Jacky.
"He said that one day we'd go away together, just me and him, somewhere far away and he could get a transfer from work. California, he thought. Beaches, surfing that sorta stuff. That's why I got into serious swimming lessons. I was a real good swimmer and got onto the race team. Carl would come to all my swim meets, I could hear him yelling and cheering me on from the stands, even under water I swear I could hear him! I won lots' of medals that he had mounted onto plaques for me." he said proud as punch, then sadly began to cry again, which got my own ducts flowing as I held him tight.
"Then one night she walked in on us. We never heard her come home, that was her intention. I was between his legs giving him a blowjob. She just stood there watching until Carl opened his eyes and saw her. Then she went ballistic, calling him a pervert, pedophile, child molester and how she was going to call the cops and have him locked up. She made her way to the phone, Carl followed begging her not to call 911. I screamed that I would deny everything. That's when the cunt put her pre-planned extortion into motion. She told him to give her $10,000 and leave that night or else! She said she knew he was fucking me, and whether I denied things or not, doctors would soon reveal the truth.
"Carl wrote a check to the bitch, packed his clothes quickly and left. She turned on me then, calling me a faggot and queer and that it was all my fault for stealing HER boyfriend and what a good life we could have had with Carl. THAT FUCKING CUNT!" he screamed and turned away from me onto his side and bawled, punching the mattress, then the headboard with enough force to crack it. He then crawled into a fetal position and sobbed, heaving for breath.
"She told everyone she knew, calling me a fag, little cock sucker or Carl's little bum-boy! I scream at her so often telling her that he would come for me that the bitch started to believe it cause she went to my school with a picture of Carl, told them that I was molested by him and if he dared come to the school to find me to call the police!"
I wrapped my whole body around him, arms and legs. I wanted to protect him, not so different than he protected me from the teens that very night, except I couldn't fight his demons, I couldn't see them in their physical form.
I whispered in his ear, "Its okay, Jillian, ... its okay. I'm here for ya now. I'm so sorry that I pried and it upset you. I didn't realize --"
:"I ...fucking ... loved ... him, Jacky! And he loved me. I miss him so much" he whimpered softy, settling down somewhat, "That fucking bitch mother fucked everything up and chased him away from me! I went to school every fucking day on time and stayed to the very end of each fucking day for months. I thought hed come for me there one day, Jacky! But he never did!" Jill began to wail, howling and convulsed in his grief. "WHY DIDNT HE COME FOR ME, JACKY?"
...to be continued.......