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Jacobs Advocate Chapter 1: The incident
All I wanted to do was finish this damn essay.
I just couldn't do it. I sat in the cafeteria during my lunch period on my final attempt to get this done, and I was out of time.
"Tyler are you still working--"
"SHHH" I reacted cutting off Travis Henderson who sat down across from me while I continued to write. He simply shrugged and started eating his lunch as the words painfully erupted from the tip of my pencil, my focus and concentration dying in an attempt to remain on task.
"Hey Trav is he still not done?" A feminine voice said as Amanda Rogers sat next to him.
"Doesn't look like it."
Jesus Christ if they would just shut up for a minute, I was really starting to get irritated as I felt my focus shifting away from this damn essay. I got my few minutes of peace because finally I was able to finish my paragraph and thus the essay. Pass or Fail, the damn thing was done I thought as I slammed my pencil down on the table and sighed.
"It's done." I said finally, still not happy with what I had written.
"Can I read it?" Amanda asked holding out a hand.
I wordlessly passed the few pages I had written to her and she took them while staring off behind me.
"Tyler why does Jacob hate you so much." Amanda asked keeping her gaze.
"I honestly couldn't tell you. He just does." I replied not giving a damn about the question.
"Every time he looks at you it's like he just wants to beat the shit out of you." She replied, and emphasized her gaze by giving a nod in the direction I assumed Jacob was standing.
We all turned to look and sure enough there stood Jacob, former friend and confidant staring at me with a look that made me turn back around. Yeah he wanted to hit me and it would probably happen before the day was out.
"No idea." I replied with a shrug.
I honestly didn't know what the hell was up Jacob's ass. And I didn't care. He was the one that decided he didn't want to be a friend anymore. He's the one that started talking shit about me. He's the one that started shoving me in the hall ways when I got too close.
Fuck Jacob.
Amanda glanced up from her reading, and eyed me cautiously like she had the answers to the universe then went back down to my paper.
"Well?" I asked a little annoyed. She was going to make me wait until she read the whole thing before she said anything and she knew I knew it.
"I don't understand why you get so irritable when you write these things. You write as good as you draw Tyler. This is going to be another A." Amanda said finally as she got to the end of my current source of stress and handed it back to me.
"Has anyone seen Matt?" She asked as her head swiveled like a security camera, attempting to capture the image of her boyfriend.
"He has lunch detention," Travis offered. "Something happened during practice this morning involving Jacob."
"Ugh, obviously Jacob didn't get in trouble because the little shit is still over there glowering at Tyler. Seriously Ty what the fuck happened with you two?" Amanda asked as her head finished its 360 and settled back on me.
"I told you! I don't know! It's like he woke up one morning on the wrong side of the bed and stayed that way the rest of the year!" I said as my hands animated my frustration. "I figured you Trav of all people along with Matt would know since you all are on the football team."
"No idea Ty, he clammed up with me and Matt the same time he started ghosting you." Travis said with a shrug.
It was almost tragic really I thought to myself. Matt, Travis, Jacob and I had all played football since the seventh grade, but I took that hit last season and messed up my knee pretty damn bad. It was recommended I stick this year out if I wanted to try for varsity next year. Don't get me wrong I love football but that shit hurt.
Amanda put a reassuring hand over mine, and I gave her a small smile. We'd been friends the longest, since grade school in fact. People always thought we would get together but she was honestly the twin sister I never had and I was content with that. A flicker of memory flew across my mind when Matt actually asked my permission to ask her out to make sure we'd be cool if he did, that memory just made me smile a little more.
"Anybody have plans after school?" I ventured.
"I've got some homecoming crap to finish, Matt has practice." Amanda offered.
"I've got practice too, then I'm helping my dad finish that stupid shed he's been cursing at the last two weekends." Travis replied.
"Well guess I'll be at the house then." I replied a little dejected.
"Are you going to Homecoming?" Amanda asked as she finished her lunch and dug around in her purse.
"I don't have a date." I replied.
"Seriously? Even Travis has a date, what have you been doing the last two weeks Tyler?" Amanda's frustration in me was evident.
I held up the essay, "I've been doing this!"
"Jesus Tyler. Just ask, I don't know Tiffany Daniels?" She tried.
"She's got mono."
"Rachel Willis?"
"She's grounded her dad won't let her go."
"Danielle Wilkerson?
"Christ Amanda, I'd rather take my mom, at least she has a chest." I replied disgusted.
Travis busted out laughing, and Amanda gave him a sour look.
"If you keep that up Mister your mom will be the only option left." Amanda quipped causing me to smile a little bit.
"If worse comes to worse I'll just go by myself and dance with you and Matt." I replied.
"Tyler your too pretty to be going by yourself, and besides if you get all gussied up to look like the gem you can actually be poor Matty won't look at me all night." She replied as she applied balm to her lips.
"Besides I don't wanna share, so figure it out Tyler Wells." She said with a snap as the lip balm slammed into her purse.
At that moment the lunch bell sounded signaling the return to classes. Travis and Amanda packed up their stuff and we gave the standard `see ya later', I was the last to leave our table.
As I was leaving the cafeteria something shoved me from behind.
"Watch where the fuck your going." Jacob spat as he walked passed me, making sure his bag smacked my arm as he maneuvered past.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I tried, as he walked away. My only reply was the finger he shot up without even walking away.
The thing that burned me the most is I had no fucking clue why Jacob hated me. I was more angry at that then I was all the crap he had put me through this year. My only arch enemy was that of a former friend, and a good one at that. And every time he did something it just hurt me on the inside a little bit more.
He was my best friend, the one I shared my problems with. The one I watched football with on the weekends, the one who listened when my parents gave me grief. It didn't appear he had moved on and ran off with another friend group. I never really saw him talking to anyone so I couldn't understand what I did that deserved all this hostility. In fact the last time we talked, and I mean actually talked it started off like a serious one, but I made one little off handed comment as a joke and he never spoke to me again. I honestly can't even remember what the joke was about.
I shook it off and just went on with the rest of my day.
Amanda was right, I handed in the essay and at the end of class it was graded and handed back, A+ with a written comment about how in depth I was about the topic. At least that shit was over.
Matt found me as I was going to my last class with a serious expression on his face, I frowned in curiosity as he caught up with me.
"Dude you need to be careful." He said as he caught up with me.
"Why whats going on?" I asked.
"Ty, Jacob got suspended off the team. This morning at practice the coach made a comment about you not being there this year for the homecoming game and Jacob called you a rotten piece of shit. I got lunch detention because I shoved Jacob off the bench for saying it but he got up and sucker punched me in the chest. The coach flipped, kicked him out and Jacob made a comment about getting you."
"What the fuck is wrong with him!?" I asked, seriously not understanding what the hell was going on.
"I have no clue Ty but please watch your back."
"I will, thanks Matt." I replied.
"Sorry dude I gotta go," he said as the warning bell for next class started. I shooed him off and finished out my day.
I was troubled when the day finally ended, but as most sophomores where headed for the bus, I was headed for the student parking lot. I got held back a year in the second grade, so I turned 16 a year sooner than everyone in my class as a freshman. My birthday had been early in the year so me and my dad had worked hard to get me my license as early as we could to relieve the burden on both him and my mom from needing to drive me around to my various school activities, even though come to find out football was definitely out this year.
I didn't use the main entrance, there was a side door most people didn't use unless you where headed to the football field which was in the same general area of the student lot, and since I parked on the field side of the lot, where no one else did, that door had become my entrance and exit.
It was pretty empty by the time I got my stuff packed away, most students had already left or where trying to leave, and everyone headed to the football field and the athletics building where already there.
I should have been aware of this and I should have been more careful, because on that short passage outside the door in between the main building, and the dumpster enclosure was where Jacob found me.
I didn't see it coming. A sharp pain in my left leg erupted like fire exploding out of a fuel tank. I stumbled in agony for a moment as I tried to keep myself from falling over. "You piece of shit!" Jacob spat as he lunged at me.
I took a swing at him and it caught his shoulder as he rushed me to the ground. I was immediately dazed as his fist connected with my face causing me to lose my vision for a moment. I tried to push him off me but I felt his foot stomp on my knee.
Fire erupted up my leg again causing me to yell in agony. Jacob grabbed me by the hair and slammed my head against the concrete. I was bleeding and starting to lose consciousness, I tried to hang on, I begged him to stop.
And he did.
I looked up at him as my vision started to darken at the edges, I tried to speak but I couldn't. I could taste the blood in my mouth and the pain in my leg and in my head was too great, so I just stared at him.
"Tyler.. oh my god what have I done..."
And he was gone. Last thing I saw before totally blacking out was Jacob running away.
The sun started dipping closer to sunset in the late afternoon and football practice had been brutal. Matt and Travis had showered and changed out and was leaving the athletics building when Amanda approached having waited at the door.
"How was it guys?" She asked as she grabbed Matt's arm and intertwined it with hers.
"Ugh don't ask." Travis replied.
Matt started giving the details of practice when something silver caught Travis' eye. He stopped and looked across at the lone vehicle still in the school parking lot.
Travis stopped and held up a hand, Matt and Amanda looked on curiously.
"Is that Ty's car?" Travis asked as he started digging through his back pack. Amanda and Matt looked at each other as Travis fished his cell phone free of his bag and started dialing.
"Come on Tyler pick up, where are you."
The trio started heading towards the building and the parking lot, as Travis redialed the number.
"Shh I hear something." Amanda said her heart rate picking up.
A lone ring tone sounded off in the distance, and they took off towards the sound. They slowed as they got closer to that hidden passage between the building and the dumpster.
Amanda screamed as she turned around the corner, "TYLER!"
Matt and Travis ran after her and nearly fell over themselves as they found the crumbled form of their friend.
"Travis 911 now!" Matt yelled as he got down on his knees.
"Tyler, come on buddy," Matt said, not wanting to touch Tyler to injure him further but needed to see if he was even still breathing.
Carefully he put his fingers to Tyler's neck and checked for a pulse, Tyler's head was laying in a small pool of blood that came from a gash in the side of his head.
"He's got a pulse!" Matt exclaimed as he found that tiny pulse of life.
"Who did this." Amanda cried feeling totally useless. She just couldn't understand it. Tyler was well liked, had many friends, she couldn't imagine anyone hating him this much to do this to him.
Matt was falling in a blinding rage. "Jacob," he spat.
"Ambulance is on the way." Travis said finally after hanging up the phone. He knelt down next to Matt and did nothing but grab Tyler by the hand, "come on dude, please."
A county sheriffs deputy was the first on the scene, who was also the school resource officer, he jumped out of the car and ran over to the scene after being flagged down by Amanda.
"What happened." He asked as he put on his gloves to do a cursory check on Tyler.
"We don't know," Matt replied. "Travis and myself had football practice, Amanda met us at the door to the athletics building and we noticed that silver Impala over there in the student lot, that's Tyler's. He should have left hours ago. So we called his cell, and heard the ring tone which led us here."
As Matt wrapped up his narrative, the ambulance showed up and shooed everyone away.
The deputy took every ones information as well as Tyler's parents contact information.
It didn't take them long to assess Tyler's condition and he didn't wake up. They quickly got him on the stretcher and after ensuring that his vitals where stable for transport and that the head wound was no longer bleeding and dressed properly, they headed back to the ambulance.
As the paramedics passed, Matt stopped them. "Wait a sec guys, he opened the top zipper on Tyler's back pack and before anyone could say anything he had the keys that lay inside and made way to the silver car alone in the lot.
Amanda and Travis just watched as the engine fired to life, and the car shot out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell.
Jacob was sitting on the front steps of his house when Tyler's car flew up into the driveway. Matt didn't even bother shutting it off as he jumped out of the car heading for the porch.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!?" Matt screamed as grabbed Jacob by the shirt and pulled him to his feet. Jacob looked at Matt and immediately lost it sobbing uncontrollably.
Matt shook him violently and slammed him against the siding, "I SAID WHAT DID YOU DO!?"
He was about to slam Jacob into the house again when the front door flew open, Jacob's mom Diane stepped out, "What on earth is going on?!"
Matt ignored her, "JACOB, did you do that to him? DID YOU LEAVE HIM LIKE THAT!?"
"To who!?" Diane yelled. "Jacob what the hell is going on?"
Jacob just continued to sob, he couldn't stop the tears, he was so angry at himself and what he did to Tyler.
"He beat Tyler within and inch of his life. There was blood everywhere. He barely had a fucking pulse. WHY JACOB WHY!?" Matt yelled in response to the question.
"Jacob... You didn't." Diane couldn't believe it.
"I didn't mean it." Jacob sobbed, "I just want to die..." He said after a moment before his body went slack, Matt caught him before he completely fell to the ground.
"Jacob, what is wrong with you." His mother asked finally coming off the porch. Matt didn't make anymore aggressive moves and simply held Jacob up as his mother approached.
"I can't... I just can't anymore." Piece by piece Jacob was falling apart on the outside and on the inside from Matt could tell.
None of this made any fucking sense. He was still mad as hell about Tyler and what happened but at the same time Jacob was damn near catatonic from what he had done.
"Jacob, why where you mad at Ty." Matt asked. "Look at me Jake. What happened, tell me what happened why where you so angry at Tyler."
Diane was confused, last she heard her son and Tyler where best friends and still hung out.
"Because... I couldn't... He couldn't..." Jacob managed to say before he broke down again.
"WHY JACOB YOU ALMOST KILLED HIM." Matt finally yelled, startling Diane.
"BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING FAGGOT AND HE REJECTED ME." Jacob yelled, and time stopped.
The only thing Matt could feel was his own heart beat. He couldn't hear Jacob, he couldn't hear Diane. All he could feel was the beating inside his own chest.
And it all clicked.
The way Tyler and Jacob looked at each other when neither thought anyone was looking. The inside jokes and laughter when he approached them alone in the past. The way neither of them seemed that interested when all the guys joined in the girl banter in the locker rooms. The way they both changed expression when either entered a room or joined them as a group.
Matt's senses came back to him as Diane was speaking, she was crying.
"Jacob, my sweet Jacob. Why didn't you say anything."
"Because I didn't want you to hate me." Jacob said in such a sorrowful voice, his resolve totally shattered at this point.
Matt knew if anyone said the wrong thing at this moment Jacob wouldn't be alive tomorrow. He could feel the guilt of what he did to Tyler rolling off his body. He could feel the shame of how he felt. He could feel Jacob's hate at being gay that caused this.
"Jacob I could never hate you." His mom replied as she hung on one side of him. Jacob looked at her for affirmation then looked at Matt.
"I don't hate you for being gay Jacob, but I'm fucking one thread away from tearing you a part for what you did to Ty, and the fact you just left him there. If we hadn't found him he would be dead when someone did find him Jacob."
That statement sent Jacob into a whole new set of hysterics and it took a while for Matt and Diane to get him in the house.
My first sensation of still being alive was pain that was probably being blocked by a morphine drip. I tried to open my eyes but couldn't, my right eye felt swollen. I could hear the heart beat monitor beeping itself into oblivion in the background, it sounded steady at least. The next thing that assaulted my senses was the smell of how clean my surroundings was, trust me you know the smell.
"Hey kiddo." A soft familiar voice said in a near whisper as a soft familiar touch ran across my cheek. I was grateful for the touch. My mom always made me feel special when I was sick and it was one of the many things I loved about her.
"Mom... Where am--"
"Shhh," she cut me off. "your at the hospital dear. Someone hurt you at school, do you remember?"
"Yeah," I replied taking a gulp, suddenly remembering everything.
"Who did this to you baby?" She softly asked, another familiar touch across my cheek.
"Mom... I don't want..." I started my voice raspy as I tried to clear it, "don't do anything to him."
"Why Tyler?" She asked still softly rubbing my cheek.
Maybe it was the morphine, maybe it was when my head hit the concrete, but I finally knew why all this happened and it was my fault.
"Because I love him." I replied.
My mom didn't say anything, she continued caressing my cheek, and softly kissed my forehead and that was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep.
"Well someone has to pay for what they did to our son Jeanine."
Jeanine looked at her husband, "That's not what Tyler wants Dan."
"And you sure its because Ty said he loved him?" Daniel asked in frustration. This tiny room they had been in to discuss options was becoming claustrophobic.
"That's what he said, he didn't give any names. I know you and the Sheriffs Department want to fry someone for this but I think we should take Tyler's feelings into account." She explained, "besides Ty would never forgive us if we did. He's 16 Daniel. Some choices he should be allowed to make on his own."
"But he's not an adult!" Daniel replied not understanding his wife's point of view.
"But in less than two years he will be, and how do you think he's going to see us in those two years if we go out guns-a-blazing " She replied not giving up.
Silence engulfed the room as both of them thought this out.
"Do you have a problem with Tyler's sexuality?" She finally asked softly.
"Of course not Jeanine! We talked about this a couple of years ago remember?" Daniel responded as he paced the room. "I love my son, and nothing is going to make that stop."
Daniel continued to pace becoming more anxious with the minute, "but someone... did this to my precious... boy." His hands went to cover his eyes, and his wife's arms circled around him.
He was scared, so was she.
Neither could imagine a life without Tyler in it in his 16 years he had brought so much joy not only to their lives, but anyone who ever encountered him. Tyler in their books was one of those rare few who was gifted in everything he touched. From academics, to sports, to helping other people, his greatest attribute was his humility towards all of it.
"We don't even know who did this." Daniel finally said after a few moments of thought.
"His friends do, but they haven't said a word and probably won't until they talk to Tyler." Jeanine offered softly, "I know you want to avenge our son, and if this was in any other circumstance I should avenge him with you. But he specifically told me not to do anything. I love him too much Daniel to go against him, and you know you feel the same way."
Daniel finally gave a sigh and knew in his heart his fight for vengeance was over.
I kept fading in and out of dreams, half the time I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or if I was awake. Someone moving around my bed made me become aware of the waking world again, and I slowly tried to open my eyes again.
My right eye opened a little more this time, and I wasn't as groggy as I was before. I gently scanned the room trying to find the source that piqued my senses.
"Well hello there." An unknown voice said. It was female and it was friendly so I offered the source a small smile.
"Hello." I replied, my voice still raspy.
"Can I get you anything?" That sincere voice asked.
I nodded, "water please." I managed. Very quickly I felt a straw at my lips and I took it, slowly sucking up the cool water from the hospital mug, my lips let go when I had my fill.
"Better?" The voice asked.
"Much," I replied my voice and throat already feeling the improvements.
"And how do you feel?"
I smiled, "like I got run over by a herd of elephants."
I could feel the smile coming from her lips and soon she stepped into view.
"Can you tell me your name and where you think you are?"
Again I nodded, "Tyler Wells, knowing my father I'm at the University Hospital.
"You know your father well then." She said with another smile.
"How bad am I." I asked with genuine concern.
"No permanent damage. You had a pretty bad laceration on your scalp and you lost some blood. Your MRI, came back good but you do have a concussion, and the x-rays on your knee look good as well, just some ligament damage that got inflamed from the preexisting injury you already had."
I nodded and breathed a sign of relief.
"You're going to be just fine Tyler," she said affirming my relief. "We're gonna keep obviously tonight and tomorrow. We will see what you look like tomorrow afternoon and go from there.
"Thank you ma'am." I replied as I relaxed back into the bed.
"No problem. I'm Doctor Emery, and it's been a pleasure Tyler. You have someone waiting outside he's been anxious to see you the last couple of hours, would you like to see him before visiting hours close? I think he said his name was Matthew."
"Yes please." I replied and Doctor Emery was quickly replaced with the worn anxious face of Matthew Johnson.
"Tyler..?" I felt his hand gently take a hold of mine.
"I'm okay Matt. That was Doctor Emery, no permanent damage I'll be okay."
I must have looked worse then I sounded because from Matt's point of view and his facial expressions I knew he didn't believe me.
"Tyler, I know Jacob did this." He stated as a matter of fact.
"I know Matt." I looked at him with as much of a plea as I could, "don't hurt Jacob."
"I didn't but I'm so fucking angry dude."
"I know Matt and I appreciate it, but... This is all my fault." I said regretfully.
"How can you say that!?" Matt exclaimed, and I tightened my grip around his hand to calm him down.
"Because Tyler tried to tell me something important, I didn't know what it was or what it was about back then. But I made an off handed joke and he thought I didn't like him." I tried to explain.
"He thought you rejected him." Matt corrected, and I raised an eyebrow at that.
"What did he tell you." I asked carefully.
"He told me that he was angry with you because he was a fucking faggot' and that you rejected him'" Matt explained flatly.
"I honestly didn't know what he was trying to tell me Matt. I fucking crushed him dude, imagine for a moment how I would feel if I was trying to tell you something that personal, that deep and someone like you, a very close friend shut me down before I even said it. Matt I would be utterly devastated." I tried to explain as calmly as I could.
I could see the gears turning in Matt's head, and his expression changed to one of guilt. The same guilt I felt.
"And I did that to Jacob, Matt." I said with my voice breaking and tears forming in my eyes.
"I fucking destroyed him dude, and I didn't even know it.
Matt's hand tightened around mine and he came closer giving me as much of a hug as he could in my condition.
"Jacob is still one of us dude for months he's probably felt so lost, and alone without us. I honestly can't handle it if we abandon him." I said as I continued to break down.
"Shhh Tyler it's okay, I understand." Matt said has he tried to calm me down. "Matt... There's something else I need to tell you, and Amanda, and Travis." I said finally once I got a grip on myself. I stared off towards the back wall.
Matt didn't move, maybe for more my benefit then his.
"I haven't even told my parents this but I'm uh... well..." I tried but it wouldn't come out of my mouth, would he understand? Would the others, what about my parents?
"You're like Jacob. You're gay too. Both you and Jacob could feel it in each other but neither of you could admit what you felt towards one another," Matt whispered in my ear, with more wisdom than his age ever let on. "You're my best friend Tyler, so is Travis, so is Amanda. I love you, we love you and that's just the way it is."
He pulled back from the embrace and he looked in my eyes and I nodded.
"I love you too Matt." I replied and sucked in a huge breath of air and slowly let it fall from my lungs.
I told Matt he could tell Travis and Amanda on my behalf this whole damn story to calm their nerves because I seriously didn't want anything to happen to Jacob. I'm sure in therapy I'd be told that all of this definitely was not my fault, and that Jacob was my abuser and I should just let the cops handle it but all that seemed wrong to me.
If our positions had been reversed I probably would have felt the same anger, the same resentment and I may have even felt it so strong I would have eventually punched the person that did it to me. It seemed like such a waste to Jacob's life if the book was simply thrown at him.
He was smart, funny, and before this just as well liked and caring as I was, and better athletically than I was.
No I had to stop this train of wrong, before it slammed into Jacob head on and I'll be damned if someone told me otherwise.