James

This part is written in honor of Matthew Shepard. May you never be forgotten.

To Alex... thanks for the unquestioned support.

Part XI

I lugged the heavy bag to the steps of the patio. "Jeez, Joe, what the hell is in this thing?" I grunted as I hoisted it into a more comfortable position on my shoulder.

"Stop complaining, runt. You should be happy they let me use some of my accumulated leave time so that I could be here instead of having to wait for Christmas. You get to see even more of my smiling face." I turned around to see Joe sporting a shit-eating grin. I looked behind him to see Tanner giving him a glare. Tanner's eyes met mine and he rolled his and gestured a stranglehold at Joe. Joe had been yapping non-stop from the moment he got off the plane. By the time we got to the baggage claim, Tanner was ready to send him back to Virginia.

"Well, aren't you going to go on?"

I closed my eyes. "That's it," I said softly. With a dramatic gesture with my arms, I let his bag fall to the ground. "Carry your own damn luggage." I walked into the house.

"Hey!" Joe's cry followed by Tanner's laughter followed me inside. A bright kitchen and the wonderful smell of Italian food greeted me as I walked in the door. My mom was filling glasses with ice and Dana was getting out silverware.

I kissed my mom on the cheek. "I'm going to kill him," I murmured to her.

"Hello, baby. Is Joe being impossible already?"

I groaned. "Be prepared, he's in rare form tonight."

She leaned back to look at the door. "Well, where is he?"

I smiled. "Trying to get that hefty bag he calls luggage on his shoulder. I swear I don't know why he packs so much. I mean, they call gay men clothes whores, but he's ridiculous!"

Just then the door slammed open and Joe staggered in. I stared at him incredulously. I had been exaggerating for effect, the bag wasn't that heavy... then I noticed Tanner holding on to Joe's pack. Tanner was riding Joe piggyback! Every person in the kitchen was staring, slack-jawed at this sight. Mom just shook her head and turned back to preparing drinks.

Dana wasn't unfazed so easily as Mom. "What on earth are you two doing?"

Tanner jumped off his mule, laughing. "Paybacks are a bitch around here, honey." He kissed his wife. "This dork has been running his mouth ever since he got off the plane, and since Dave and I don't have the leg strength to kick him back to Virginia from here, I had to figure out something else."

"Come on, Tanner! I never get any love around here," Joe whined. We all just looked at him. "What?"

Mom turned from the glasses and walked up to her middle son. "Now, now sweetie... don't get on your brothers too hard."

Joe's eyebrows climbed. "Me? They're the one abusing me, Mom! I've been innocently talking to my brothers and then Dave decides to just dump my bag in the driveway and Tanner uses me as a pack mule! No respect, no love at all." Tanner and I made crying baby sounds. I swear, with each passing year Joe sounds more like Rodney Dangerfield.

"Aww, poor baby," Mom said as she gave him a hug.

I grinned. Ahh, what contentment, I thought. Tanner's picking on Joe, Joe's being an ass, and all's right with the world, I thought. Except... "Mom, where's James?" I asked.

"Right here," James said as he walked into the kitchen, with my cute little niece in tow. "Kristen and I were just getting better acquainted."

I grabbed Kristen in my arms and hoisted her up a few times, laughing as she squealed. "How's my niece doing? I haven't had much of a chance to say hey yet." I kissed her cheek and hugged her.

Kristen sat back. "I'm just fine, Uncle Dave. How are you?"

"I'm fine, sweetie."

"Good," she said as she sat back. "When are you and James getting married?"

I blinked. Married? What's this, I thought as I looked at James. "Married?" I asked.

James grinned and blushed a little. "Don't look at me, she brought it up with me, too."

I swallowed and looked at Dana. She walked over and picked her daughter up. "Come on, sweetie, let's go into the living room."

I watched them go and then breathed out. Rescued.

"She asked a good question, son. When are you getting married?" Damn, always my mom.

I shot her a skewering look. "We haven't discussed it, Mother."

Mom picked up the glasses and carried them into the dining room, sticking her tongue out at me as she walked out. I sighed. "Sometimes I wonder why I love you people," I moaned.

Joe grabbed me in a headlock. "Because we're so cute, runt."

I shrugged out. "Excuse me, but I don't think I told you that you were allowed to call me runt."

Joe grinned. "Since when did I need permission?"

"Since I outgrew you and gained the ability to crush your nuts like eggs." I cracked my knuckles for emphasis.

Joe walked up to me and stood toe to toe. "Watch it, runt. The government has seen to it that I am a lethal weapon."

We stared at each other for a few minutes until Joe reached out and grabbed my ribs. I convulsed in giggles as he tickled me. "Okay, okay, you can call me runt! Just stop tickling me!"

Joe cracked up and sat down at the table. "He can never stay mad at me anyway."

"Hey, how come he can call you runt?" Tanner protested.

Joe sat back and popped open a can of Coke. "Because he doesn't have incriminating stuff on me like we both have on you, big bro." He took a long gulp. "So, runt, who's your guest?"

I took James by the hand and led him over. "This is my boyfriend, James. James, I'd like you to meet my brother the asshole, otherwise known as Joe."

James took his hand. "Pleased to meet you, asshole."

Joe threw his head back and laughed. "I like you, man. Such a change from the sticks in the mud around here that I grew up with." He looked at me and then back at my boyfriend. He held up his hand to shield his mouth from me and whispered conspiratorially, "Does he still sleep with his teddy bear?"

James looked at me. "Umm, not that I have noticed." I felt my face burn.

"Well, he slept with this ratty old teddy bear for years and years. Last time I saw, he still slept with it." I made a move to kick the legs of his chair out from under him as he leaned back. He just laughed. "So what's for dinner?"

"Manicotti, salad, and garlic bread," James recited.

Joe rubbed his stomach. "Yum, yum! My favorites. It's like someone knew I was coming for dinner."

We all looked at Joe and groaned.

Dinner went just as I remembered it from my childhood. We all sat in our usual places at the table. Dad and Mom sat at the ends of the table. I sat in the middle with James on my left, and Joe on the right. Tanner, Dana, and Kristen sat on the other side of the table from us. All through the meal Joe kept kicking and elbowing me just like when we were kids. I poked him and pinched him just as I had, until Mom or Dad had to tell us to stop. I only put up a token protest, as some part of me really loved being in the routine once again. I guess it's just human nature to want to return to childhood, when things were so much simpler. It felt good to be in the house I grew up in, surrounded by my family. Sitting next to the man I loved in that setting just made it more perfect.

James and I volunteered to do the dishes after supper. My mom blinked a few times. "All right, who are you and what did you do with my son?" she asked before going into the living room with the rest of the family. Between the two of us, we polished off the dishes in no time.

"Man, I can't believe the amount of food on that table tonight," James said as he handed me a plate.

I laughed. "James, think about it. She's feeding five healthy men. But this was nothing, wait until tomorrow."

James looked at me. "What will happen?"

"Okay, picture the kitchen table and island in here full of food. Plates, glasses, and silverware on the counter next to the sink. Adults in the dining room and kitchen, younger kids in the kitchen, and older kids in the living room."

James blinked. "Just how many people are coming here tomorrow?"

I thought in my head as I dried a glass. "Well, they rotate Thanksgiving and Christmas hosting responsibilities from parents to child to child to child. This is my mom's family, you see. My dad was an only child, and Grandpa Collins passed away a few years ago, so Grandma comes here for all the holidays. You'll love her. She cracks us all up. She's in her seventies, and acts about 21.

"This is Mom's year to host Thanksgiving, and my grandparents have Christmas this year. So, tomorrow, it will be you, me, Mom, Dad, Tanner, Dana, Kristen, Joe, Grandma Collins, Grandma and Grandpa Flemming, my mom's sister Janet and her husband Jack and their two kids, Jeff and Lisa, both unmarried, mom's brother Bryan and his wife Mary Jo and daughter Sherry, and mom's other sister Lana and her husband Daniel. My cousin Wesley, Uncle Bryan's son, is going to his wife's family for Thanksgiving, and my cousins Rachel, Meredith, and Trent, Aunt Lana's kids, are with her ex this Thanksgiving."

James looked like his head was spinning. "If I didn't have a big family of my own to contend with, I wouldn't know how you keep them straight."

"It's a chore sometimes."

James handed me another glass. "Do they all know you're gay?"

I grinned. "Yep, all of them. It's been a long process, and sometimes not exactly pretty, but they all know now. By the way, expect a third degree from Grandma Collins. And it may be of the X-rated variety."

"You're kidding."

I laughed. "You'll see."

"Hmm, he's a very good-looking young man." The woman gave James a thorough up and down look. "Well built, too. You've done well, Dave."

I looked at James as my father's mother inspected him. I couldn't believe it! The king of exhibitionists was blushing! I grabbed on to his hand and squeezed it. "Thanks, Grandma."

Grandma walked around and pinched his firm ass, making him yelp. I cracked up. "Yes, very nice." Then she continued into the living room. I looked over at Joe, who was sitting on the couch holding a pillow over his face as he tried to keep it in. I then looked at James, whose eyes followed my grandmother.

He looked at me incredulously. "Is she for real?"

I laughed. "Oh, she can be pretty outrageous, but you'll get used to her. She really does like looking at nice-looking young men. You should have seen her date for New Year's last year. We went to her house and she had this twenty-five year old from an escort service there. She told Mom and me that he was worth every penny."

James' eyes widened. "You're kidding!"

I shook my head. "She's one tough old lady, dude. At least she can say that she is really living. My Grandpa was in the Army, and she absolutely loved living overseas. After he retired, they spent a lot of time traveling and seeing the country and the world." I led James over to the couch and we sat down next to Joe, who was watching the parades on TV.

"Yeah, she and Grandpa always brought each of us some cool gift made in some other country. Well, I think they're cool now. Back then, all that cultural crap didn't matter to us," Joe said.

"Speak for yourself," I said. "Anyway, Grandpa's death really hit her hard. She stayed here for about six months. One morning she came in and said it was time for her to start living again, and she left for Tahiti the next day."

James blinked. "Pretty amazing."

Joe grinned. "Yeah, she is. She doesn't travel as much as she used to, but she's one active woman. She plays tennis and golf, has a whole group of friends who she plays cards with and gardens with, she has a beautiful house, and she is really active in charity." Joe leaned forward and gestured at me. "She even went to the Millennium March in Washington last summer as a gesture in support of Dave and other homosexuals."

James looked at me, and I nodded with pride. "She's pretty amazing. You should have seen her the day I came out to her. She and I were watching Baywatch on TV for some weird reason, and she commented on some guy's body. Then she said, `I guess that wouldn't matter to you.' I told her that actually, it did. I told her I was gay. She sat there for a few minutes, and then she started right back up commenting on the guys again."

James laughed for a minute, then he got quiet again. I looked closely at him. He had been getting quiet like this a lot lately, especially since we had arrived here. I looked over at Joe and made kind of a jerk of my head.

Joe nodded and stood up. "I'm going to go check on dinner." He walked into the kitchen.

I picked up the remote and turned down the TV. "Are you okay?" I asked.

James nodded slightly. "Yeah, I guess so. Sometimes it just hits me. Your family is so warm and loving, and I feel like I have been totally accepted here. I really appreciate it," he said as he looked at me. He reached up and squeezed my hand. "But every now and then it hits me, you know? What might have been and all that."

I reached over and put my arms around him. "It'll be okay, don't worry." James smiled at me, but I could see that not all was well in his deep brown eyes.

Thanksgiving dinner could not have gone better, I mused as I put plates away. I looked around at the kitchen. What had been absolute chaos had turned into reasonable order, then to sparkling cleanliness in under an hour. Dad had retreated to the living room to watch football, and Tanner and Joe had gone with him, along with every other relative, it seemed.

James sat at the table, absently drying silverware. I watched him for a few minutes. The fact that I had brought my gay lover home for Thanksgiving dinner had been a total non-issue, as I had known it would. Throughout the dinner, James had gotten more and more quiet, and it really worried me.

I stood there, musing what to do, when Joe popped into the kitchen. "All right, guys, time to play!"

I groaned, knowing what was coming. "Joe, come on, let us digest for a few more minutes."

Joe grinned and shook his head. "Uh-uh, runt. Time to get ready for some fooootbaaaaaalllll!" He ended the sentence like Hank Williams Junior's song.

I looked at Mom and groaned again. Then I looked at James. "Feel like playing some football, James?"

James looked up. "Huh?"

"Come on," I said as I pulled him up. "I'll explain."

For the next few minutes, I filled James in on our family tradition of playing a game of football in the afternoon after dinner. It was always a pretty odd game, since everyone was still digesting a monstrous amount of food. For a while we took bets on who would be the first to vomit, since we used to play right after dinner, but at the request of Grandma Flemming we stopped that tradition. Now we waited about two hours. Whether we played tackle or touch depended on whether any of the women played. It was a fact of life, I reasoned. We didn't want anyone hurt.

My grandparents, all of my aunts, women cousins, and in-laws declined the honor, as did both Mom and Dad. It ended up being James, Tanner, Joe, Uncle Jack, Uncle Bryan, Jeff, Uncle Daniel, and me. We all went to the bedrooms to change.

"So how competitive is this game likely to be?" James asked as he pulled on his jockstrap over his impressive equipment.

I pulled a sweatshirt on. "Depends. Sometimes we come in shiny clean, sometimes we're covered in grass and mud. Dad hates what the game does to his yard, but he still plays a lot. I don't know why he's not playing this year."

James walked over to me. "Well, I hope we get on the same team."

I grinned. "We will, dude. And if not, no grudges or anything."

James laughed. "Right. It all stays on the field."

All the guys had brought changes of clothes so we were ready to play when we assembled in our huge backyard. We divided into teams of four, and Joe and Uncle Jack drew captains.

Uncle Jack went first. "Dave."

Joe then grinned at me. "I'll take James."

My eyes met James' as he walked over behind Joe. James and me not on the same team? No, I thought, this won't do. We have to be on the same team. I protested to Joe, but he just grinned even bigger. "Uh-uh, runt. Not this game."

I sighed and waited. Uncle Jack picked Jeff next. Joe picked Tanner. Jack then picked Uncle Bryan, and Uncle Daniel trotted behind Joe. We each picked an end of the backyard to defend, then broke up and planned our strategy. Only touchdowns were allowed, no other points except for safeties. We always played to 24, and called it quits. We used to play more until my uncles protested because Tanner and I played to win and they said they were getting too old for this kind of abuse, especially from family.

We switched positions every now and then during the game, so I started out on the line with my uncle Bryan. Uncle Bryan was a hoss. He was big, really stocky. Jeff was tall and slim, and he was given the job of quarterback and played in the secondary on defense, as did Uncle Jack. Uncle Jack played running back/receiver.

We lined up with my team on offense first. I crashed into Joe and knocked him down and Jeff threw a pass to Uncle Jack, who ran halfway down the "field" before Uncle Daniel knocked him down. On the next play, I lined up against Tanner, who roughly pushed me aside before sacking Jeff.

I got up off the ground and looked at my big brother. "You've been saving that up. Something you care to talk to me about?"

Tanner just grinned and brushed some grass off my shirt. "Just making the game interesting, runt."

I grumbled and lined up again. This time, the play was called for me to run past my defender and catch a pass. I lined up against Joe, who was talking shit as usual. I just brushed him aside and caught a perfect pass from Jeff. Touchdown.

I traded high fives with my teammates, then Uncle Jack kicked off the ball to them. Tanner picked it up and ran toward us, and I flattened him with a tackle. "Just making the game interesting," I remarked as I walked away.

I heard a few grumbles coming from Tanner, then I took my spot behind the line. When the ball snapped, I went right after Uncle Daniel. I sacked him, and trotted back to my hooting and grinning teammates. The other team huddled, then we lined up again. This time, Daniel handed the ball off to Joe, and I kept him back behind the line, too.

Joe was grumbling about how to get past me on their way to the huddle and my team laughed a little and talked some trash. I just stood there watching them. A few times while the other team huddled, I noticed James look at me a few times. I just smiled and waved. I noticed him gesture a few times at me and he looked worried.

We lined up for the next play. I was ready for whatever they had to send at me. I looked over Tanner and Joe on the line, and saw James grinning at me. He winked, and I felt all giddy.

Next thing I knew James was streaking past me to catch the ball and ran it in for a touchdown. Joe ran up next to me and patted my shoulders. "Now, now, runt, don't take it hard. We all get `distracted' every now and again."

I looked after him incredulously. Could it have been that they designed a play where my own boyfriend distracted me just to score? One look at James' guilty face and I knew that was exactly what they did. Joe dropped his pants and mooned me.

Ooh, I burned. I figured it was time to bring Joe down a peg or two.

They hiked the ball and I bulldozed my way through the line to Joe, and I flattened him like I haven't flattened a player since my final college game. As soon as he was down, I got up and walked back to my spot, ignoring him yelling at me, inquiring what the hell that was for. I just flipped him off and took my spot on the offensive line. We had gained major ground on that play.

The next play, I lined up against James. James grinned at me again across the line. I scowled at him. "Was that your idea before?"

"Nope, that was all Joe's idea. Worked pretty well, too." James winked at me again.

I shook my head. "Not this time."

The ball was snapped, and I shot forward. I grabbed James by the waist and hauled him down, taking a moment to grind my package into his, making him groan slightly. "Like that?" I asked as I stood up.

This went on over and over and over. I would take James down, and I would grope his nipple or his ass, and then he would come after me and grab my cock. I was starting to get more than a little horny when James came up and knocked me down, and before he got up he ran his tongue over my ear, making me shiver. Then he stood up and lowered his pants enough for me to get a glimpse of his delectable ass. My crotch was beginning to ache.

I looked at my lover, and made a quick choice. The next play was fourth down. I lined up behind the line when I saw James take a spot next to the quarterback. The ball was snapped and I backed up, keeping my eyes on my lover. The ball was passed to him, and for a moment I was mesmerized by the obvious play of muscles under his shirt and sweatpants. Even though he was wearing a jock, it was pretty clear he was packing, and I felt a surge of lust as he ran toward me. Then instinct took over.

James got to me and I wrapped my arms around him, and pulled him down. He was just about two feet short of the designated end zone. I grabbed the ball out of his hands and tossed it out, then I leaned in and kissed him. It took all of one second for him to wrap his arms around me and his tongue snaked into my mouth. I ignored the hoots and hollers coming to us, and just ground myself into him. James whimpered and I felt his cock twitch.

Then I felt Tanner's hand on my shoulder. "Uhh, Dave, think you could cool it a little? I don't want to have to get the hose out."

I raised my head up for a minute. "Should I bring up the game three years ago? You and Dana?"

Tanner stood up. "Looks like we may be here for a while!" he called out. James and I kept on kissing.

James and I finally broke up the kissing in time to finish the game. My team ended up winning. James showered while I said goodbye to my relatives and helped Mom clean up the house. Then it was my turn.

I walked in and James was dressing. I asked him if he was in the mood for a back rub or two, and he smiled and begged off before walking out. I thought to myself that he was being sort of quiet, but that thought left quickly when I got in the shower.

While I let the warm water pound the kinks and knots from my muscles, I thought about the afternoon. Joe had taken his "punishment" in stride, although he bitched about his sore shoulder the rest of the time. All of my relatives had taken to James just as quickly as I had. He was charming and respectful, and they all loved him. Every one of them took me aside and told me I had made a good catch. I shook my head, trying to remember what great deed I had done to get both an incredibly accepting family and a truly awesome boyfriend.

Then I thought about what my Grandma Collins had said to me on her way out the door. "Dave," she said, "that boy you have is a keeper. He's charming, intelligent, and is obviously totally crazy over you." I had smiled and thanked her, but then she leaned in. "But, I want you to keep an eye on him. Something inside of him is building, and I don't even think he's aware of it. When it comes out, you need to be there for him." I was incredibly confused by her remark, but then I promised her I would.

What could she mean, I thought. James had always been so well adjusted. He told me he had gotten over the details of his past and went on with his life. Could it be that he really hadn't gotten over it, but had just been really good at submerging the hurt and pain, and the inevitable consequences of what he had done to survive? My thoughts whirled and swirled like the water going down the drain. I made a decision not to push it like I had the first time, and risk pushing James away. I would let him come to me when he was ready.

I walked downstairs. Mom and Dad were watching TV. Joe sat there and mimed a hurt shoulder at me, to which I responded with the bird, earning a sharp "David!" from my mother. I just smiled sweetly as I passed the couch and smacked my brother lightly on his head as I passed, earning a "Fucker!" from Joe, which got him an equally sharp "Joseph!" from Mom.

Tanner and Kristen were finishing up the work on the kitchen. I asked where Dana was, and Kristen told me she had gone to the store for some milk. Then I asked where James was, and Tanner pointed to the door. "He went outside right after you went upstairs."

I went to the window and saw my boyfriend sitting, curled up against the wall. I dashed up to my room for a second and grabbed something off of my bed, then walked back downstairs and outside.

I sat down next to James. "Hey," I said.

"Hey."

I looked at the yard. The heavy cloud cover had changed into a steady rain. I shifted a little to get more comfortable. "You played well today."

"Thanks."

I shifted again. "You know, all my family loves you. They think you're pretty terrific."

He smiled. "That's good."

I leaned in. "I think you're pretty terrific, too."

James smiled again, but it faded. I could see trouble brewing in the dark brown deep of his eyes. Was Grandma right? "Are you okay?" I asked.

James nodded, and kept staring at the floor. We sat there, me watching the rain with an occasional glance at James to check on him. James' gaze never wavered from the floor. Finally he spoke. "It's not fair, you know."

I turned to him. "What isn't?"

He sighed deeply. "I wish my family was like yours."

I figured I knew what he meant, but I wanted to be sure, so I decided to purposefully misunderstand. "Well, from what you told me, it is. You have just as many."

James shook his head. "That's not what I mean, and you know it."

I looked at him. "Tell me."

He looked away. "My family found out I was gay, and I got turned out. True, they never told me directly, but they didn't have to. You tell your family you're gay, and they go to PFLAG meetings and become model gay parents. How fair is that?"

I frowned and stiffened a little. "What do you want me to do, James? I didn't ask them to do any of that. Hell, I didn't expect any of that. I was lucky. What else can I say?"

James shook his head. "I know, and I don't mean it to sound like I blame you. I just wonder about what in the world I did to lose my family."

I put my arm around my boyfriend. "James, you didn't do anything. You were brutalized, and it didn't allow you to come out to your parents in your own way and in your own time. Call it fate or destiny, whatever. It happened."

James leaned into me. "I miss them Dave. I know I shouldn't because of what happened, but I do."

I hugged him. "James, no one expects you to stop loving your family. Good or bad, they'll always be your family."

James put his arms around my waist and I could feel the tears soaking into the fabric of my shirt as he cried. "I keep remembering what it was like. We would all hold hands and say a prayer before we ate." His speech was broken by the occasional sob. "Mom sat at one end, Dad at the other. God, it sounds like the fucking Waltons.

"But in a way, it was. I remember helping my youngest brother with his food. He was so adorable, and so sweet. Same with my sisters. I remember when Elizabeth was little and she used to get her food all over her face. Deanna would always get huffy and say how sloppy she was, and Elizabeth would throw food at her to even the score." James laughed a little, and I smiled at the image.

Then James completely broke down. "I miss them so much, Dave! Why did they have to abandon me like that? Why couldn't they be there like a family should, like your family did for you? Why, Dave?!" He sobbed into my sweatshirt, and I just held him in my arms as tightly as I could.

I reached out with one arm and picked up the object I brought outside. It was my favorite blanket. My Grandma Flemming had given it to me when I was little, and it had been on my bed ever since I was 9. I took it with me to college, and I never went anywhere for longer than two days without it. I unfolded it and wrapped it around James and me, and we snuggled under the blanket as the rain fell outside. I kissed him on the temple and tried to soothe his pain as well as I could. Soon he was asleep against my chest, his hand grasping mine. I wasn't a bit tired, and I thought about my love's life. I vowed then that I would never let him be hurt like that again.

End of Part XI

Thanks to all of you who have emailed me. I'm sorry I haven't been able to get back to all of you, since school has started back up. I will try my best to in the future. I hope you all have enjoyed the story so far. This is a time of great emotion for both James and Dave, and it's pretty emotional for me to write it. Thanks to all of you who are reading.