James

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After long delay...

Part XVI

I walked down to the kitchen the next morning feeling strange. I hadn't slept in that bed in so long. It was familiar, but not familiar. I walked into the kitchen and Elizabeth was sitting at the table eating toast. "Morning, Lizard," I said as I passed.

"Morning, Jimbo," she replied. Then she looked up and giggled.

"What?" I asked as I poured some juice.

She giggled again. "Some things never change, do they? You still walk around half-naked all the time."

I looked down. I was barefoot and shirtless, but I had on some baggy shorts. True, I only had them pulled up to about an inch and a half above my dick but who cared? "Hey, I'm decent!" I protested. "All the naughty bits are covered." I ruffled her hair and then sat down across from her in my old chair, snagging a piece of her toast. She tossed a bit at me and I dodged. "So what's up for you today?"

"Nothing much. Going to do some stuff at work that I've been putting off, then going out with my man tonight. You?"

I yawned. "Rest, relaxation. Show Dave around the place some more, maybe get him on a horse and see if he knows which end is which."

Liz laughed. "He may be new to a farm, but I don't think he'll be that bad."

I smiled. "You never know with him. When he's good at something, he's good, but when he's bad, he really sucks!"

"I'm sure he does," Liz said and winked.

I grabbed the Saturday paper off the table and whacked her on the head. "Watch your mouth, young lady." I stood up and scratched myself, ignoring her feeble protests of being scandalized by my rudeness. "Like you've never seen anything like it before," I remarked.

"Hey, I'm a nice young lady!"

"And I'm the man in the moon," I said. "Where's everyone else?"

"Paul's out fixing a fence, Mom went to the store, Deanna's at work, Lauren went to the mall with friends, and Dad took Gary to the park. He has a baseball game today."

A full day, but typical here, I thought. "So when are you leaving?"

Liz checked her watch. " `Bout five minutes, why?"

"No reason," I said as I headed for the stairs. "I'm going to go wake Dave up. See you later!" I called cheerfully.

"Try to keep the noise down!" she called back.

I took a moment to look out the window at the driveway when I got to the upstairs hallway. Sure enough, all the cars were gone except for Liz's. I went to the guest room door and opened it quietly, trying not to disturb Dave. Sure enough, there he was, asleep like a baby. A very adorable baby. A very adorable baby with a nice hairy chest and big muscles, I thought as I dropped my shorts to the floor.

I crawled onto the bed and began nuzzling his lips. "Mmm," Dave groaned as he began to wake up. I started licking his ear. "Ahh, this is nice," he said as he opened his eyes. His sleepy blue pools finally focused. "I love waking up to find a sexy naked man in my bed." He raised his head to mine and kissed me lightly.

"How are you this morning, babe?" I asked as I crawled under the covers.

"Fine," he said. "Although it took me a few minutes to get to sleep."

"How come?"

"First of all, nobody in bed with me." He kissed the top of my head as I snuggled into his chest.

"Well, I had the same problem if it makes you feel better."

"Then there was the noise."

I frowned. "What noise?"

"Those damn crickets and whatever. I haven't heard a racket like that in my life!"

I laughed heartily. "You call that racket? Good lord, you are such a city boy."

We snuggled a bit more. "So what are we doing today?" Dave asked as he stretched.

I looked under the covers. "I see what you want to do," I teased as I grabbed his hard cock.

"Oh yeah," he groaned as he pushed into my hand. "Do that some more."

I licked his ear again. "Nobody's home right now," I whispered.

Dave growled in his throat and then he leapt on top of me and began sucking on my neck. "Best news I've heard," he mumbled.

My back arched and I gasped as he hit the sweet spot on my neck under my ear. I could feel my brain turning to jello. I closed my eyes and my hands grabbed at his muscular back as he began thrusting his straining dick against mine which was already smearing slime on his hairy stomach. Just then I heard the roar of an engine. My eyes opened wide. "Oh God," I said as I wriggled out from under Dave and ran to the window.

Dave lay on the bed, looking very confused. "What happened?"

"I hear an engine," I said. Sure enough, there was my brother's truck. Dave came up to look as I went to lock the door. Once I was certain of our privacy, I went back to the window.

Paul walked around the back. He had removed his shirt in the growing heat of the day, and we had a perfect view of his built upper body. From a purely male perspective, Paul was a magnificent-looking guy. He was a little thicker than I was in the chest and shoulders, and had a little body hair where I was more or less smooth. He had the same dirty blond hair and brown eyes that I did. I looked at Dave as he watched my brother. He had that enthralled look that he normally had when a good-looking guy was around.

"He really does look a lot like you," Dave said quietly.

I grinned. "Yup. In every way." I turned back to look at the window. Paul was looking around as if trying to see if anyone was around. When he was satisfied no one was home, he pulled off his boots and laid them carefully by the pool. Then he looked around again before unbuttoning his jeans and sliding them down over his hips.

Dave's breath caught in his throat. Ah-ha, I thought to myself. Dave has a voyeuristic side. Like me, Paul wore no underwear. Paul was facing us, so Dave got an eyeful of his untrimmed dick. Paul and I were built in exactly the same way there. Dave's eyes were wide and his dick was hard as a rock as we watched. We both got an eyeful of his tan, tight butt before he dove into the pool. Dave turned away from the window and looked at me. He smiled. "Yeah, he's a lot like you."

I leaned in to kiss him. "In every way."

Dave placed his finger over my mouth to stop me. "No, not in every way." Then he put his hands on my shoulders. "He's not half as hot as you are." Then he kissed me.

I laughed as he pulled away. "So why are you so hard now?" I asked as I felt him up.

Dave grinned. "Because I have a total hottie standing next to me, and he happens to be buck naked."

As Paul swam away the morning sweat, Dave and I built up some of our own. We didn't go any further than making out because we didn't know when Paul might come in the house, but that buildup of tension made it more delicious. Neither of us knew when we would have any moments of peace to actually release it, and I thought the denial was incredible. By the time we were able to be together, we would set the bed on fire.

I heard the downstairs door open and close, so I extracted myself from Dave and put my shorts back on. Dave flopped back on the bed and groaned, "Abstinence is going to kill me."

I reached down and flicked his nipple. "Listen to you. You get it nearly every day for months and one little night without and you're a baby about it."

Dave's eyes widened. "I'm a baby, huh? You work me into a lather here and I'm a baby for not getting off?" He reached up and started tickling me. I shrieked in laughter and bolted out the door, and ran right into my wet and naked little brother.

Paul jumped back into the wall, dropping his clothes on the floor. I was equally surprised and fell back onto the floor. Dave was in the doorway, about to chase me out and was still buck naked himself. I looked up at my naked and now red little brother, and my naked and equally red boyfriend and I couldn't stand it. I started laughing my ass off. I was laughing so hard that I fell back and hit my head on the hardwood floor, but that just made me laugh harder.

"Umm, ahh," Paul stammered as he stood there trying to cover himself, "I didn't think anyone else was here." I couldn't reply, I was laughing so hard.

Dave looked down at me, then at Paul. "Umm, I'm sorry. We were just, umm, ahh..." Dave's discomfort just tickled me more and I laughed harder. Dave looked down at me and scowled. "For God's sake, Giggles, get up and say something."

I got up and tried to stifle my laughter, but I couldn't. Paul got redder and redder, and finally he bolted for his bedroom. Dave looked at me and scowled again, then closed the door in my face. I giggled some more as I knocked on his door. "Come on, Dave, have some humor! It was funny! Aw, Dave, don't be a bad sport."

Twenty minutes and a shower later, I was dressed and on my way outside. I cut through the kitchen and there was Paul, dressed again, sitting at the table. I sat down next to him. "What's up?" I asked, trying to be casual.

Paul just looked at me, then back down at his coffee.

I looked around, then back at my brother. "Sorry about this morning."

He shrugged. "No big deal. Not like he hasn't seen anything like it anyway."

I laughed a little nervously. "True enough."

We sat in silence. I could tell Paul had something else he wanted to say, but he didn't. Paul couldn't be damnably quiet sometimes. I wish he would just get it all out of his system. His jaw worked and I could practically hear his teeth grinding. Then he looked at me. "What?" he asked.

I shrugged. "You have something else to say, I just want you to say it."

Paul just stared. "What do you want to hear, James?"

"I don't know," I said. I just wanted to keep him talking. As long as we were talking, there was a shot things would get better. "Maybe why you're so angry with me."

Paul shook his head. "You should know better than to mess around with your `boyfriend' in the house, even if you think nobody's here." He put a snide emphasis on boyfriend.

"Yeah, maybe I screwed up there, but that's not what I'm talking about. I want to hear why you're so angry with me for what happened six years ago."

Paul looked at me. "You don't want to have this conversation, James." He stood up and walked out of the kitchen. Shortly after, I heard the roar of his truck and he was gone.

When Dave walked in the door of the kitchen, I still had my head down on the table, wondering what else I could do or say.

Just then, my father and Gary walked in the door. Gary was dressed in baseball gear, clutching a bat. He bounded up to me like a happy sheepdog. "Guess what? We won!"

I grinned and ruffled my youngest brother's hair. "Good deal, squirt. What was the score?"

"Five to one. It was too cool!" Gary grabbed a glass and gulped down some water.

Dad sat down in a chair. "It was a good game. Gary got three hits."

"All right! Mister MVP."

Gary grinned again, soaking up the praise. "It was cool! I wish you could have been there. We have another game next week. Can you come?" I looked at Dave, then at my father.

Dad just smiled a little, and I lightly chucked Gary on the chin. "You bet, sport. I'll be there."

Gary smiled even bigger. "Great! I have to go shower." He bounded out of the room much like he had entered it.

Dave sat down next to me and smiled. "He's quite an athlete for his age, sir."

Dad nodded. "Yeah, he's great. Better than James or Paul at that age. He's a lot to handle though, an awful lot of energy. I guess you could tell, though. Sports gives him something to expend it on, and we try to keep him busy."

I looked up at Dad. "How does he do in school?"

Dad frowned a little bit. "Well, he could do better. He has problems concentrating sometimes. He does well enough to get mostly Bs, but sometimes he gets a C. We were worried he might have ADD, but the doctor just thought he was highly energetic. Besides, we didn't want to medicate him."

"He seems to be doing okay," Dave observed.

"Yeah." Dad drank his water while we sat there. "So, James, why the long face?" Dad asked.

I looked up. "It's Paul."

Dad nodded. "I figured as much. It's not going well with him?"

I shook my head. "You got it. I wish I knew what was going on in his head. Has he ever said anything?"

Dad shrugged. "Not to me, and he never said anything to anyone else that I know of. He's been damn quiet about everything."

Dave smiled. "You seem to be taking things pretty well, if I may say."

Dad laughed. "I put on a good face, Dave. I'll be frank with you two. I feel pretty damn odd sitting here in my kitchen with my son and his gay lover."

"I expect you might be, sir," Dave said. "I appreciate your hospitality to me."

"Well, it wouldn't be any other way. You mean a lot to my son, and that means something."

I looked up. "Do you really mean that?"

Dad nodded. "Yeah, I mean it. I'm not going to say it thrills me. If you two kissed or held hands or anything like that, I won't promise that I'll sit and be happy while it goes on. But I am a lot better about this than I was before."

I looked at the table, then up at my dad. "Before you go on, there's something I need to ask you."

"Go ahead."

"Why were you so ashamed of me?"

Dad dropped his eyes. He didn't need an explanation of what I meant. "I was ashamed of myself, James. I couldn't help it." He looked up, and his eyes were glistening. "I kept asking myself if it was something I did, some place I went wrong. I wondered what I didn't do for you that made you what you were."

I didn't move my eyes. "You abandoned me, Dad. Just when I needed you the most, you abandoned me."

Dad choked a little as he tried to stifle a sob. "I know I did. I know we all did." The tears began to flow freely. "It tore me up to see you in that bed, and then when I found out what happened, I felt like my soul had been ripped out of my body. To discover that you were really ... like you are," Dad paused.

"Gay, Dad. Say it. You discovered I was gay."

Dad clenched his powerful hands for a moment. "All right, we found out you really were ... gay. There, I said it. We found out you were gay, and all the self-doubt I've ever had about being a parent came back." Dad looked at Dave, then at me. He wiped his eyes. "You don't know because you don't have kids, boys. But it's hell. You never know what's going to happen, if your kid is growing up to be president or the next mass murderer."

He dropped his head into his hands. "I've never known any gay people before. I used to see some pictures and things in the paper and magazines, and some people would talk about those damn sodomizing faggots' and how they were coming to take our boys away and rape them and turn them into faggots too'. That's all I had ever heard about gays in my life.

"Then one night, I get a call saying you were beaten up, and I was angry. When we got to the hospital, they told me you'd also been raped by your attackers, and I was so scared. When you said you were gay, it was confirming everything awful I'd ever heard in my life. It was all too much for me at once."

The words were tumbling out of my father's mouth one right after the other. I'd never known my dad to talk this much at once. The tears were streaming down my face just as much as they were his. I put my hand on his, and he grabbed it in a tight grip. "Oh James, I wish I could have been there for you! I've blamed myself ever since you left! I've wondered where I went wrong, what I could have done, to make this not happen!"

"There was nothing you could have done, Dad! You hear me? Nothing!" I sobbed. "I was born this way, I've always been this way." Dad dropped his head onto our joined hands. "Look at me, Dad," I said. He raised his head. "What do you see when you look at me?"

Dad sniffled and coughed a little. "I see my son, who I love."

"And?"

"I wonder if I was a good father to you when you were growing up."

I smiled. "Yes, you were always a good father to me then. You were always there, you taught me to be a good man."

He dissolved into tears again. This was getting to be too much for me to handle. My father was falling apart before my eyes. I leaned over. "Daddy, I forgive you for what happened," I said as I hugged his heaving shoulders.

He looked up. "You do? For those nasty things I said, for what I didn't do?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I do. I forgive you, and I love you!"

Dad and I just stared into each other's eyes, brown into brown. Then he pulled me into his strong arms and hugged me tighter than he had ever hugged me. "I love you too!" he said.

"I tell you Dave, I've never seen him like that in my life." Dave and I were in the Wagoneer headed to the grocery store. My mother had walked in from her trip to the store and immediately announced that she had forgotten bread and milk after unpacking enough food to feed a small country. She and Dad had decided to have a huge barbecue for the family that night and had bought everything in bulk. Then she'd gone and forgotten essentials like milk for the next morning and the buns. Dave and I had "volunteered" to go; basically, we were drafted. We coasted down the road into town and I couldn't stop talking about what happened between me and my Dad. "Seriously, dude! I've never seen him break down. Ever!"

Dave chuckled and rolled his eyes. "I know, James. Remember? I was there."

I shot him a dirty look. "Yeah, well, you don't know him like I do." I focused my attention back on the road. "He's always had a great sense of humor and will laugh at anything, and he's always been good about being loving to us kids, but I've never seen him that upset."

We drove in silence for a few minutes. "I mean, I never expected a reaction like that, especially from him!" Dave burst out laughing. "What?" I asked, confused.

"I wondered how long it would take you to say something again," Dave said with a goofy grin.

I reached over and punched him in the thigh as we drove into town. I looked around at the streets. "Amazing," I said. "All these years and it still looks the same."

Dave looked around. "Good lord, you grew up here?" he asked, emphasizing the word `here.'

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I grew up here. I had some good times growing up here." I pointed over at the barber shop. "I got my first haircut there." Then I pointed over at the pharmacy, one of two in the town. "I worked there for two summers in high school."

Dave looked around incredulously. "I didn't think towns this small still existed in the US."

"Up yours, City Boy," I said good-naturedly.

"Next time we're alone, I may take you up on that," Dave said, wagging his eyebrows. I reached over and groped his crotch. Dave swatted my hand away. "I'm shocked, young man! Someone might see us," he teased. "The last thing we need on our hands is a lynch mob."

I leered at him and he laughed. "Guess you have to have a sense of humor growing up here," he joked. I rolled my eyes. "So where are we going?"

I accelerated to make it through a light. "We have a Kroger's on the other side of town. Mom likes their bread best."

Dave looked behind us, astonishment on his face. "Amazing! You have a traffic signal!"

I groaned and accelerated a little more. We got stopped at the next red light and I noticed a building over off the main road a little. I was so fixated on it I didn't notice the light turn green until Dave socked me in the shoulder. "Hey, the light turned!" he said. I pressed the gas.

Dave kept looking out the window and commenting until he noticed I wasn't responding. he put his hand on my thigh. "Why so quiet?" he asked softly.

I kept my eyes on the road. "We passed a car repair shop back there."

"Yeah?"

"Kris' dad owns it."

Dave frowned. "Kris? As in the Kris? The one who . . ."

"Yeah, that Kris," I said curtly, cutting Dave off before he could go on. "He worked there with his dad when we were in high school."

We rode silently for a few more minutes before Dave spoke again. "Are you worried about running into him?"

My breath caught in my throat as I imagined seeing my old nemesis. I couldn't say a word. Dave went on. "You know, we've been so caught up in dealing with your family that we didn't stop to think about how other people around here might react. How many people knew what happened?"

I clenched my teeth. "I don't know. I never thought to ask." I actually felt myself getting nervous. What was about to happen? This would be my first time dealing with the people of my home town. How would they react? What if I did see Kris?

Dave squeezed my thigh again. "Don't worry," he said softly, "you can handle him. And I'll be right there with you." I smiled gratefully as we pulled into the parking lot.

Thirty minutes later, Dave and I were on our way out of the Kroger with four huge sacks of different kinds of buns, and two gallons of milk. I had been more subdued by what had happened inside the Kroger. A few people reacted like nothing was happening, but a few people, especially people I had known for along time, looked at me like I was a leper or a criminal or something. A few made certain that I saw them turn their backs on me. I guess the word had gotten around in the years past, regardless of my parents' efforts to keep it quiet. Another favor I owed Kris.

As we strode into the parking lot, Dave cursed. "I can't believe you need all this shit," Dave grumbled as he hoisted one sack full of hot dog buns.

"When my folks cook, they cook. Besides, I told you it was a family barbecue." I had the other three sacks of bread products.

"Yeah, but there aren't that many of us."

I rolled my eyes. "Earth to Dave. I said family. That means uncles, aunts, cousins ... get the picture?" Dave muttered something under his breath. "What was that?"

"I said, just more people to keep me from getting in your pants!"

I looked around. Fortunately, nobody heard what Dave said. I laughed a little. "Okay, you made your point. It's only been two days."

"Yeah, which is two days longer than we've gone without since we got together. How come you're so happy?"

"I am refocusing all my sexual energy."

"Bullshit."

"Okay, okay," I said. "So it's driving me nuts, too. But look at it this way," I said as I leaned in closer. "It makes it that more explosive," I whispered in his ear, emphasizing `explosive.'

Dave shuddered and started muttering to himself again. He looked around then adjusted himself in his shorts. I couldn't help it, I laughed again. Dave started cursing me for making fun of his condition when it's all my damn fault. He didn't notice me stand still in my tracks.

He looked around. " James?" Then he spotted me and came back. "Hello?" he asked, waving a hand in front of my face. "What's wrong?" He followed my gaze.

I had spotted something that I had hoped I would never see again. A truck had just pulled into the parking lot, and a stocky young man got out. He was about my height, a little heavier, with brown hair, and was wearing old jeans and a polo shirt. The young man checked his pockets and then started walking our way. "Oh God," I said. All the blood drained out of my face, and I could feel my breathing starting to grow shallow. "Oh God."

"What? What? What's wrong?" Dave asked. "What are you looking at."

I swallowed and pointed toward the young man coming our way. "It's him."

"Him? Him who? Who the hell is it?"

I shuddered to my toes. "Kris."

I looked at the man who James was pointing at, and then I saw red. This guy was the one who destroyed everything that meant anything to my lover all those years ago, in a silly act of revenge for some stupid perceived insult. The jealous part of me reared its head, too, as I realized that this asshole also had gone somewhere that no man could go. He had been with James, sexually. I put the jugs of milk and my sack of buns on the pavement. This could get ugly, I thought as I cracked my knuckles.

James stood still as death. Kris got closer and closer. I could feel James start to tremble next to me. My heart broke as I remembered his pain, and my rage grew. At that moment, I knew I had it in me to commit murder.

Kris looked up casually, then back down as he came close. Then he stopped and looked up. An evil grin spread across his face. "Well, well, well. Look who's back in town."

James took a deep breath. "Kris," he whispered. I walked up next to James and slightly bumped his shoulder as if to silently remind him that he wasn't there alone.

Kris grinned bigger. "The little faggot finally came home. Well, well, well." Kris started walking around, ignoring me. The red haze I was seeing got thicker and thicker. I bumped James's shoulder again as if to prod him into action. He still stood like a piece of marble. Then Kris noticed me. "Hey, fag, who's your buddy?" Silence. "This your boyfriend?" he asked, drawing out `boyfriend.'

Fuck this, I thought. If James won't defend himself, I sure as hell will. I clenched my fists and started toward the bastard who destroyed James' life. James put out his hand. "Stop, Dave." He said it quietly, but firmly. I stopped in surprise. Stop?! I thought. You expect me to let this bastard just walk over you again? Fuck that! I again moved forward, but got another look from James. I looked at my love in shock and bewilderment, but then I stepped back. I gave Kris the most menacing look I could think of, the same look that made an opposing player piss in his jock once upon a time.

"What is it you want, Kris?" James asked, his voice becoming a bit stronger. "Haven't you done enough?"

Kris laughed. "Aw, what's the matter Jamie-fag? Your girly feelings got hurt?"

James stood there, taking the abuse. I wanted to bash the guy's face into the ground until it looked like the hamburger meat that was thawing on the cabinet back at James' house. I couldn't believe that James was just standing there, not doing anything. James looked at me. "Come on, Dave. Let's go."

I bent to pick up the packages I had put down. As we started walking away, Kris yelled after us. "Later, fags! I'm sure I'll see you two butt-buddies around again!" I shot back a murderous look at him, which only made him laugh. I instantly put Kris on a level with Hitler and Stalin as pure evil human beings.

James didn't say a word as we put the bags in the back of the Jeep. He started the motor and we pulled out of the parking lot and back toward his house. I watched the cars pass and the other trapping of the small town go by until I couldn't take the silence any more. "Why the hell didn't you do anything to defend yourself?" I yelled. I instantly regretted raising my voice, but I couldn't believe that James had taken all of that.

James let out a breath. "What would it have solved? Getting into a fight in the middle of the paring lot wouldn't have accomplished one damn thing."

"At least it would be better than standing there taking the abuse from that bastard! I was ready to cream him."

"I know," James said.

We rode in silence for a few more minutes before I spoke up again. "So what are you going to do about him?" I asked.

James frowned. "What do you mean, what am I going to do?"

"I mean, evening the score! Something, dude! He violated you in the worst way and now he's heaping verbal abuse all over you! You have to do something to stand up for yourself!"

James pulled the car over and turned off the engine. He took a deep breath and then fixed the frostiest glare I have ever seen straight onto me. I felt a shiver run up my back. "Understand this, Dave. Revenge isn't the answer, and I won't stand for it. I'm surprised to hear that from you, and it makes me wonder."

The shiver ran through me again. "Wonder about what?"

"Wonder whether I really know you or not."

My eyes widened. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, I won't condone violence. It won't solve this. Two wrongs don't make a right, and that's it. I thought better of you Dave, I thought you would understand my feelings. If you don't, then there's something wrong with us that I haven't seen."

I turned and looked out the windshield, taken aback at what I was hearing. "You mean to tell me that just because I think you should've stood up for yourself back there that you are re-evaluating our relationship?" James was silent. "All right, fine. You don't want to stand up for yourself, that's just fine with me, I won't press it. But you don't tell me how to feel. If I want to hate the man forever, then that's what I damn please to do. Sorry if this makes you want to `re-evaulate'," I sneered, "but that's the way it is. And if you don't like it, then maybe I should find another way home." I opened the door and started walking down the road.

The Jeep roared to life and shortly after pulled even with me. "Dave, come on. Get in the car." I didn't say anything and focused on the road ahead of me. "Dave?" I ignored him. "Dave, come on. Let's talk about this." I looked at the shoulder of the road and lightly kicked some gravel. "Dave?" I started whistling. "Dammit Dave, are you going to acknowledge me?" I studied the clouds overhead. "Fine, then. If you want to be a child about everything, then go right ahead."

That was it. A child about everything? What the hell was that supposed to mean? I looked at him and raised my middle finger right at him. "After all, that seems to be what you like."

James' shocked face crumpled. He looked away and stomped the accelerator, leaving me in the dust.

End of Part XVI

Part 17 to come by the end of July