James

Wow, weird! Everyone seems to think that part eighteen was the last part for some reason! I don't remember saying it, but who knows. Anyway ...

I should say something about September the eleventh. I was home, asleep at the time, about twenty minutes from my normal awakening time to get up for class, when I was awakened. It was 9:05 am CDT, and the second plane had just struck Tower 2 of the World Trade Center. I really have nothing else to say about it, other than nothing in my twenty-four years of life had prepared me for that day. For me to go on and on would be, in my opinion, disrespectful to the events and the people who died. But I will say this: the people on the plane who fought back against their hijackers are true American heroes. Heroes aren't actors or athletes. They aren't John Wayne, not Mickey Mantle, and not Michael Jordan. Heroes are people like Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, who walked out onto the moon, not knowing exactly what was going to happen. Heroes are people like Elliot Richardson, who disobey their bosses and resign from a prestigious position rather than do something they know is wrong. Heroes are people like Mark Bingham, Todd Beamer, Jeremy Glick, and all of the others on that plane. Those people were ordinary Americans who did something extraordinary, and gave their lives rather than allow a despicable act to be consummated. Those are the people who should be on Wheaties boxes.

To my friend Cary and his lover, to Ki and her brother Sky, to everyone else who has written to me from New York and Washington, I am thinking of you.

I plan one more part after this one to wrap up the story. Also, one note: this part makes some rapid changes between points of view, with some first person between our heroes, and some third person. I think the third person is appropriate in some places. I hope you enjoy it.

Part XIX

Saturday morning dawned bright and cheery. I blinked a few times, not recognizing my surroundings. Then it dawned on me what had happened. Succumbing to tradition, I had agreed to go stay at my old apartment with Matt the night before while James stayed at our place. Even though I wasn't sure how much tradition really applied to a gay relationship, I'd agreed. I knew James ate that stuff up so I'd given in pretty handily.

I got out of bed and yawned. We had eaten dinner and then gone into a long session of conversation with our two families. James and I had been happy to see how well the two families meshed. After finding out what my mother had done, James and I had momentarily been worried, but Mrs. Kennedy had then thanked my mother for finally making her see the light. "I've been feeling guilty for years now that I wasn't being good to James," she had said, "but I couldn't see past what I'd been taught. Now I think I can go on." From that moment on, I had seen a happiness and serenity in James' eyes that I had never seen before.

At about eleven-thirty, the party had broken up. The families had gone to their respective hotels, and Matt had come by to pick me up. We drove to the old place in relative silence but once back, my tongue loosened and he and I started talking. "You know, I'm glad you decided not to make this a big blowout party."

Matt shut the door behind him. "Not a problem, dude. I know how much you hate that stuff."

We sat down on the couch and stared at the window. I looked around and smiled. "You can definitely see Laura's influence here."

Matt's face softened. "Yeah. It's been awesome having her here like this."

I looked at Matt curiously. "So how long before you two tie the knot yourselves?"

"We still haven't set a date," he said as he relaxed into the cushions. He looked at me. "Can I ask you something?"

I smiled. "Please. Like you even have to ask that."

"Yeah," Matt said as he smiled. "How did you know James was the one?"

I frowned. "Why are you asking?"

"We'll get to that," Matt said as he shifted position. "Just tell me."

I thought. "I can't really answer that. It's just something I knew. We haven't been together very long, but when you know that it's right and there's nothing to really hold you back, then why wait?"

"Yeah," Matt said as he stroked his chin. "Well, Laura still has this last year of school."

"Right." I looked at Matt as he stared at the floor. "You aren't having second thoughts about marrying Laura, are you?"

Matt's eyebrows shot up. "Oh no! Not at all," he said. "I just was wondering about us still sitting around in engagement limbo. We haven't discussed anything else yet."

"Well, you have plenty of time. Laura doesn't need to be thinking about wedding shit while she's trying to graduate."

"You're right."

"It's like I said about James and me. There's nothing to hold us back, especially now. We know it's right, our families and friends approve, and we're out of school. Nothing to worry about now."

"You're right," he said as he stood up. He picked up a picture. "Remember when you took this?"

I stood up and glimpsed at the photo. "Yeah, that was last summer. A few weeks before I met James." Matt looked at me and grinned widely. "What?"

"Have you noticed? You relate everything now to something in your relationship with James."

I frowned. "Really?"

"Yeah," Matt said. "It's all with him. The fight with James, your first time with him, the time you did this, the time you went there, all of that. It's cute." He grabbed me and tried to poke me in the ribs.

I grabbed his arm and twisted a bit. "You know better than to try that," I said as he howled uncle.

We sat back down on the couch. "You nervous?" Matt asked.

I thought. "No, not really. It's really just a feeling of serenity. Peace. Happiness. It all feels so right." Matt and I relaxed in silence for a long while. About midnight I stood up. "Time for bed," I said as I stretched. "Where do I sleep?"

Matt raised his arm. "Your old room. It's all made up. We put my old bedroom suite in there when we bought a new one."

"Cool," I said. Then I extended a hand to Matt. "Thanks a lot, bud."

Matt grabbed it and stood up, then he pulled me into a hug. "Happy to do it, and happy for you bud," he said. "You deserve it. I just ask you do the same for me when the time comes."

"You got it," I said. We let go and I made my way to my old room. "Just make sure I'm up by nine."

"No problem."

Saturday morning dawned clear and bright. I have never been so nervous in my life. Usually times of anxiety roll right off of me, but this was a new experience. I got out of bed and looked over at Paul who slept at my side. Most of my family had gone to a hotel to sleep, but Paul had asked to stay with me. We hadn't done much talking as it had been late, but it was nice just to hang out. I went over to the window. It had stormed a little overnight, but everything looked nice and fresh now. I went to the closet to check my clothes. All was well there. I debated taking a shower, but it was way too early to do all of that. I decided to go for a run.

I went outside and did some stretches, then set off. I was running a fairly brisk pace, and the cool morning air felt good in my lungs. Where it had been warm and humid the day before, it had cooled and dried following the storms. Perfect for an outdoor ceremony. I didn't have a problem with Dave calling it a `wedding.' I knew he was traditional, and I was the same way. It just fit. Although I had put my foot down right off that I was sure as hell not wearing a white dress, which Dave had greeted with a frown. I was about to get him for thinking I would ever do drag, but then he got that mischievous look on his face. He was sure picking up a lot from me. I didn't know if I could get used to a Dave who was just as devilish as I was.

I thought back to how much things had changed in just a year. I was a completely different person than I had been. All of the deep emotional baggage that I had buried away, out of sight and out of mind, was gone, melted by the love of a blue-eyed hunk. I couldn't believe that I had the love of someone so amazing. So big and tough on the outside, but melted butter on the inside. Dave had so much love and compassion to give, and he chose to give it all to me. He had awakened a desire in me that I had buried long ago, a desire to be loved and cared for. I had learned to rely on myself and my wits, and now I was part of a team. Dave had learned that lesson from his family and sports, and he lived his life as a team player, a partner. I would never have to worry about losing myself, or having to be the dominant person. It was equal, fifty-fifty.

By this time I was back at the apartment. I took a brisk walk around the block to cool down, then I strode back inside. When I got in, Paul was up in the kitchen, buck naked. I made a face. "Jeez, prick, couldn't you put something on when you're around food?"

Paul made a face. "Hey dickwad, I seem to remember someone dangling his raw meat around the raw meat all the time." I groaned at his awful joke. Paul thrust a plate at me. "Here's some toast. I figure you're too nervous to eat anything more."

I looked at the proffered plate and back at my little brother. "What makes you say that?"

Paul put the plate down next to me on the counter. "Need I remind you of state football championships your junior year? The night before, Mom made you a special good-luck meal, and you proceeded to chuck it back up ten minutes after eating it. You don't get nervous a lot, but when you do, it's awful. And I know you. This is one of those times."

I rolled my eyes and picked up a piece of toast. I didn't want to admit it to him, but he was right. The run had helped alleviate my nerves, but now that it was over they were back. I chewed and looked up as Paul left the kitchen. "I've already showered, and I'm going to go get ready," he called. "Get your ass moving!" I fought the urge to run after him and tackle him and just chewed my toast. I checked the clock. Ten forty-six. Just one hour and fourteen minutes before we got underway.

Eleven-thirty. I paced around the guest room of Barry and Todd's house. I pulled at my collar. "He's here, right?"

Barry groaned. "Yes, James is here. Paul brought him over thirty minutes ago. He's here, just like he was here the last twenty times you asked."

I shot him a nasty look and checked my appearance again. Matt came over and brushed a bit of fuzz off of my shoulder. "You look fine, Dave. Don't worry." I looked at myself again. I had let my hair grow out a bit on top to let the curls come out, but kept it close on the side. James had said that he would like to see me dressed up with my curls, so I accommodated him. But I had also told him that as soon as the pictures were taken, I was heading for a barber to buzz my head again. He just laughed and told me we would see. I knew already that he would win if he decided to fight that battle.

I was wearing a black tuxedo, fairly traditional style. My tie was blue to set off my eyes; James was wearing a red one. We both wore black vests and our ties were long instead of bows. The ties were the only colors on the tuxes. We had gone for elegance and style instead of flash. We wore white boutonnieres, as did all of our "attendants." Matt was standing up with me, so his tie was also blue. Tanner and Joe were our ushers, and they wore black ties. Barry and Todd weren't participating in the ceremony, but still wore similar black ties. No one was going to walk us in to give us away; James had thought that would be kind of stupid for us to be given away, so we would walk in from angles to the front.

I heard the music playing outside, and looked at the backyard. We had asked a minister from the a local gay-friendly church to bless our union. Neither of us was a real churchgoer anymore, but James thought it was really important to have a spiritual blessing. The guests were starting to make their way to their seats. I looked at Matt. "Time?"

He looked down. "Eleven forty-five."

Barry hopped up. "Showtime!" he yelled. "See you downstairs, boys!" He rushed out the door.

I swallowed nervously. I looked at Matt as my vision momentarily swam. "Is this really happening?" I asked him softly.

Matt gripped my shoulders. "Yes, Dave, it is. It's going to be cool! Just stay calm."

"Do you have the ring?"

Matt felt in his pocket. He got a stricken look and muttered, "Oh, shit!" My eyes widened as I started to panic, then he grinned. "Right here, Dave! Just kidding." I clenched my teeth and slugged him a good one in the shoulder. He rubbed it, and smiled again. "Good. You needed that. Now come on, let's get you married."

Eleven fifty-eight. I looked at Paul. "He is here, right?"

Paul grinned. "You really think he wouldn't show up? Come on, Jamie. He'd sooner let an eighteen-wheeler use him as a speed bump."

I nodded and took a deep breath. Then I heard the opening strains of Schubert's "Ave Maria" strike up. Then I heard Deanna's voice begin singing the beautiful melody. I closed my eyes and cleared my head. "Time," I said softly as I turned around.

Paul grinned at me and hugged me briefly before he started walking toward the front of the crowd. We were entering from the left, and Dave and Matt were coming from the right. Paul and Matt met in front, shook hands, and then moved back to the sides. The minister came forward and took his place, and then it was time. I closed my eyes again. I can't believe this is really going to happen to me. How did I get so lucky? I thought. Then I took a step. I walked slowly, fighting the urge to bury my hands in my trouser pockets. My parents sat in the front next to the aisle, and all of my family sat next to them. My brother and sisters beamed, and my dad had an odd smile on his face. My mother looked a bit perturbed, but when she saw me, a beatific look came onto her face. Then a radiant smile appeared. All of a sudden the butterflies left my stomach. I had just caught sight of Dave.

How handsome he looks, I thought. His tuxedo fit him perfectly, and his tie set off his piercing blue eyes. They were finally all I saw. The world melted away and all that remained were the blue irises that moved toward me. We met at the altar and took each other's hands. For the last strains of the song, we just held hands and smiled at each other. How did I get so lucky, I asked myself again. I said a silent prayer thanking God for recognizing whatever incredibly good deed that I had done to deserve David Collins.

Deanna Kennedy had a beautiful voice, I thought as I set out on my walk. My parents looked thrilled as they looked at me. Tanner and Joe stood at the rear of the crowd and both grinned big as they looked at me. I saw James' parents, and they looked equally happy. Then I saw James.

My breath stopped. I ceased to be aware of anything else. His tall frame was perfectly framed by his tuxedo. I glanced down at his crotch just on a hunch, and the telltale jiggle down there confirmed what I suspected; even on a solemn day such as this, James refused to wear underwear. My cock twitched a bit at the thought, and I had to work hard to suppress a smirk. He had a big smile on his face. Then I caught his eyes. His deep brown eyes swallowed me as I looked into them. We met at the front and held hands as Deanna finished the song. As the strains faded, she moved to sit with her family. James and I turned to face the minister.

"Dearly beloved," he began, "we are gathered here today to witness the union of David and James." He smiled at them. "Unions such as these are not to be entered lightly, or on whim. For one to succeed, it takes love, trust, commitment, and a heck of a lot of patience." The crowd laughed. Charlotte Collins was heard to murmur, "Especially with Dave." Dave turned and shot her a look, then grinned sheepishly at the crowd before turning his attention to the minister. "Marriage and unions also require the love and support of all who know them. Therefore, if anyone present has any reason why these two should not be joined, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace." No one said a word. "Good," the minister whispered. "I understand that David and James have vows that they wish to make to each other. Gentlemen?" he invited.

Dave pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. He looked at James and smiled as he unfolded it. "My beloved James," he began, "Mere words cannot express the incredible feelings that I have today. I cannot believe my good fortune to have you standing before me, waiting to be united with me. I do not know what I did in the past, but I am grateful in that it brought you into my life." James smiled, recognizing the thoughts as the same ones that he had as he moved down the aisle.

"My love," Dave continued, "I promise to always be there for you, in every circumstance. I cannot imagine my life without you, nor do I want to. I want you with me always. Even if you do snore," he added with a grin.

James fixed a scowl on his face. "I do not snore," he murmured.

"Yes you do," Dave murmured back.

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do NOT."

"Regardless of any disagreements," Dave said with a winning smile, "I promise to love you and no other for the rest of my life. You are my light, my warmth, my breath; you are everything to me." Dave folded the paper and put it back in his pocket.

James grinned, trying to stifle the tears that had come to his eyes as Dave finished his heartfelt words. The minister turned to James. "James?" he softly said, prodding James to begin his vows.

James reached into his own pocket. He pulled out a note card. "This isn't really poetry, even if it sounds that way," he told the crowd with a grin. He looked at Dave and winked. "My adored David," James began, "these words I say to you in celebration. I love your smile. I love your walk. I love the way you laugh. I love your voice, and I love your curls, even if you don't." Dave smiled. "I love to watch you when you sleep, even when you drool," he said and winked, subtly getting Dave back for the snoring comment. Dave looked shocked. Somehow, James had known he would make a crack about the snoring!

James went on. "I love the way you concentrate when you have work to do. I love the look that enters your eyes when you look at me," he said as his voice caught, "and I love the way you hold me tight when I need you the most. I hope that you are forever with me, as we go through life," he said as tears began to stream down both Dave's and his cheeks, "I want to make you so very happy, because I love you so very much." He put his note cards away and took Dave's hands again. They smiled at each other. Dave's mother wiped a tear from her own face.

"Thank you," the minister said softly. He turned to Dave. "David," he began, "do you take James to be your husband? To have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, as long as you both shall live?" Dave and James had insisted on the line about forsaking all others, as neither wanted anyone else. Dave smiled at James. "I do," he said softly. A fresh tear ran down James' face.

The minister turned to James. "James," he said, "do you take David to be your husband? To have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, as long as you both shall live?"

James tightened his grip on Dave's hands. "I do."

The minister smiled again. "May we have the rings?" Matt pulled one ring from his pocket, and Paul pulled out the other. Dave and James had selected two simple gold bands for each other, with engraving on the inside. The minister cleared his throat. "David, place the ring on James' finger." Dave took the gold band and pushed it onto James' left ring finger. "Repeat after me," said the minister. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring, I thee wed," Dave said as his voice cracked a bit.

The minister turned to James. "James, place your ring on David's finger." James complied, his hands shaking slightly as he did so. Then he looked up at Dave. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring," James said, "I thee wed." They joined hands again.

The minister took a step back. "David and James have pledged their love for each other, and we pledge them our support. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder." He put his hands on their shoulders. "By the power vested in me by Almighty God, I now pronounce you husband," he indicated James, "and husband," he said, indicating Dave. The crowd chuckled. "You may kiss."

Dave and James smiled at the minister, then looked at each other. The crowd fell instantly silent as everyone waited to see the expression of love. Dave and James leaned close and shared a deep, loving kiss. The crowd broke out in applause. Dave and James looked at their close friends and family and smiled. Both Kennedy parents were openly weeping. James shared a glance with his mother, and she smiled and nodded her approval. Then he looked at his new in-laws who both gazed on him with love. Then he looked at Dave, who took his arm in the crook of his own. The music began and they began walking together down the central aisle.

The reception was in Todd's club, which he gladly closed for the day in order to accommodate us. Some people danced, and some stood of to the side, enjoying the catered food. My mother's cake was beautiful. She had gone all out for us, making a three-tier cake, even with a set of grooms on top, which was a nice touch. Dave had complimented her on that, which had pleased her to no end. We had cut the cake almost immediately, starting the festivities. It was a white cake, with red and blue frosting. Since then, everyone had been complimenting the cake, not knowing that my mother had done it herself. She looked radiant. Todd, ever the proper restaurateur, had cornered her and started asking cooking tips. He was looking to expand beyond the regular gay bar stuff and go into further restaurant and catering activities. Mom looked a bit taken aback with all of the gay people around, but she was definitely in her element talking about cooking. They were still talking over in the corner.

I stood talking to some friends from my old education program at school, but my ring kept catching my eye. I kept spinning it around on my ring finger, still not quite believing that it was really there to stay. I excused myself from the group and moved around some more. I spotted several members of my family, but Paul was nowhere to be seen. I frowned as I wondered where he had gone. Then it came to me. My horndog brother had been hitting on a girl who had been one of Dave's fellow PhD students, and now both of them were gone. I debated with myself on which bathroom they had disappeared to, then headed for the men`s room. I had a feeling.

I reached the door, hearing some low murmurs inside. I shook my head, then cracked open the door. Sure enough, there was Paul with his pants down around his ankles, still in his shirt and jacket. Dave's ex-classmate, the pretty redhead, had her skirt bunched up and she was resting on the counter, moaning softly. Paul was kissing her neck and whispering in her ear, stuff that made her blush yet moan a bit louder. I shook my head and shut the door. I jumped a bit as I turned to find Barry behind me. "What's going on?" he asked.

I grinned. "My brother, the incredible blond hormone, is banging one of Dave's former classmates in the bathroom."

Barry rolled his eyes. "Good thing we have a condom machine in there." I nodded and we made our way back toward the main room. As I came in, Dave looked at me and smiled.

He walked over to join us. "There you are," he said as he wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my cheek. "Where were you?"

I rested my head on his shoulder. "Discovering my brother fucking one of your old classmates in the men's room."

"What?" he asked, his eyebrows climbing.

I nodded. "You got it. Rachel, I think."

Dave looked thoughtful. "Well, at least he has taste. Good for her, too." He turned to Barry. "Did you tell Kevin what we wanted?" Kevin was one of the regular deejays.

"Yup," Barry responded. "All ready. Whenever you give the signal." Someone called for Barry and he moved off to join him.

"What? What's up with Kevin?" I asked, confused.

"The dance," Dave said. "Our song. We dance alone, spotlight, all that stuff. How did you forget?"

Good question, I wondered. How could I have forgotten that? It had been my idea! "So what song did you pick?" I asked.

"It's a surprise," Dave said as he kissed my cheek.

I frowned at him. "Surprise? Come on, Dave."

Dave grinned playfully. "You mean you really don't know which song I picked?"

I grinned back. "Dave, we have a bunch of songs."

Dave hugged me. "Well, one sticks out in my head. You'll know what I mean."

"Let me guess," I said. "That one you like to dirty-dance to that says `I like the way you look at me, I like the way you smack my ass?"

Dave lowered his head and blushed, no doubt remembering that night a week ago. "No."

"Hmm," I said in mock though. "I know. You picked the one that played on Halloween when we ..."

"No," Dave interrupted me. "No way, no." I laughed as he blushed even deeper. He was so easy to embarrass, and looked like so adorable. This big, hulking guy looking at the floor, stammering, with a face like a tomato. It was enough to make my heart melt the first time I saw it. I kissed Dave lightly on the lips. "By the way," he asked with a slightly confused look on his face, "what was that about me drooling?"

I laughed. "When you are about to go to sleep, you start drooling on your pillow. You wake up, wipe your face, and turn your pillow over. Then after you go to sleep, you start drooling again." Dave looked horrified and blushed yet again. I smiled and kissed him. "Relax, it's cute."

Dave groaned. "Yeah, right," he muttered. Just then, the lights darkened.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Kevin's low voice filtered through the crowd noise, "it's time for our couple to have their dance." Dave took my hand and we started walking to the floor. As soon as we stepped onto it, several spotlights snapped on and then I heard Richie Sambora's guitar playing the opening strains of Bon Jovi's "I'll Be There for You." My jaw dropped. The night we heard that song had been a particularly rough night for Dave and me. He had come in after taking his comps and was almost in tears, absolutely convinced that he'd fucked it up. I had tried to make him feel better but it just got worse and worse, and we'd ended up in this huge argument about absolutely nothing. I then told him that I couldn't be around him if he was going to be like that and I left. I'd gotten halfway to my car before I turned around. I couldn't believe that I'd been so dense. Arguing with Dave never worked, not when he was this emotional. I knew what I had to do. I then turned around and walked right back in and grabbed him in a hug. I kissed his tears away and told him it would be okay. That loosened the floodgates. I sat there, holding him, and turned on the radio to provide some background music. Just then, "I'll Be There for You" came on. I'd pulled Dave up from the floor and just held him. Soon we started swaying.

"You know, this isn't really a good love song for two gay men," I'd joked.

Dave smiled a bit. "Well, I think it's still appropriate." Then his smile faded. "You know, this is one of my favorite songs. And it sums up so well some of my feelings about you."

"How so?" I asked.

"Because I wasn't there for you in the past when you needed me the most. I know," he said, stopping me from protesting, "we hadn't met yet. But it's still the same. I wasn't there then, but I'm here now. And I'll be there for you as long as you want me." We'd then started kissing and danced the night away. Since then, the song had held special significance for us.

Dave and James walked to the middle of the dance floor, caught in the spotlights as the music played. They melted into each other, fitting the curves of the other perfectly. Their foreheads touched gently and they shared silent communion. They barely moved, but it was an incredible experience just to see the two lovers. Their arms tightened, holding each other tight as the words began ...

"I guess this time you're really leaving I heard your suitcase say goodbye. Well as my broken heart lies bleeding they true love it's suicide. You say you've cried a thousand rivers but now you're swimming for the shore. You left me drowning in my tears and you won't save me anymore. Praying to God, you'll give me one more chance girl!

"I'll be there for you these five words I swear to you. When you breathe, I want to be the air for you I'll be there for you. I live and I die for you steal the sun from the sky for you. Words can't say what love can do I'll be there for you.

"I know you know we've had some good times now they have their own hiding place. Well I can't promise you tomorrow but I can't buy back yesterday. Baby you know my hands are tied but I wanted to be your Valentine. I'll be your water when you get thirsty baby; when you get drunk I'll be the wine.

"I'll be there for you these five words I swear to you. When you breathe, I want to be the air for you I'll be there for you. I'd live and I'd die for you steal the sun from the sky for you. Words can't say what love can do I'll be there for you.

"I wasn't there when you were happy I wasn't there when you were down. Didn't mean to miss your birthday baby I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out.

"I'll be there for you these five words I swear to you. When you breathe, I want to be the air for you I'll be there for you. I'd live and I'd die for you steal the sun from the sky for you. Words can't say what love can do I'll be there for you."

As Jon and Richie repeated the chorus, their lips touched. They didn't separate until the last chord faded into silence. No one in the room said a word. Dave looked into his husband's eyes. "I'll be there for you," he whispered quietly. They hugged.

End of Part XIX

As I said, one more part. Thanks everyone.