Greetings everyone,
Here's Chapter 10.
Got some mail that told me that they thought Chapter Nine was confusing until they got to the end and it all came together... I intended it that way! I was trying a trick to give a sense of Jamie's scattered thoughts... pretty effective right? Oh well, I'll try not to be tooo creative like that in the future... except for this chapter... same treatment from a different perspective giving a little more of the story.
This story is purely fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of `N Sync or anyone associated with their organization. It is meant for those over the age of 18 only and those who wish to read stories with sexual content.
Jamie's Romance - Chapter 10
Three men, bundled against the weather, quickly left the hotel. Looking in both directions, they rushed into the nearest taxi and gave the driver their destination. As the cab pulled away from the curb they relaxed and uncovered a little. Traffic was heavy and they traveled slowly through the city streets.
"That wasn't so bad, I like winter," Lance remarked taking off his knit hat.
"True, the one time we can walk the streets without anyone recognizing us," JC agreed.
Justin sat silently staring out the window deep in his own thoughts.
JC glanced at Justin. "You ok?"
Justin looked over at JC and nodded. "I'm fine, just thinking." He was silent for a few seconds. "What do I say JC? He made it pretty clear a month ago that he doesn't want me."
JC put an arm around his friend. "No backing out now, buddy, you promised." Justin just nodded. "J, I know it will be hard, but I think you need to see each other at least one more time and clear the air. You haven't been yourself since then. I know it's eating you up inside. You haven't been eating, your mother even noticed you lost some weight."
Justin sighed deeply. "I don't think she bought the line that it was the stress from the lawsuit. My big mistake was telling him I loved him. It scared him away."
Lance disagreed. "No, I think he knew what he was going to do before he got to the hotel. I think he pushed you away to keep from dealing with his feelings."
Justin looked over at Lance a little puzzled. "Huh?"
"What Lance is saying, Justin, is that Jamie loves you too. But instead of dealing with that he pushed you away to avoid it," JC explained.
"You really think so?" Justin's insecurity was plain to see.
"I know so. He told me at the dance."
"He did?" "You never told me that." Justin then Lance said nearly on top of each other.
JC nodded. "I caught him backstage between sets watching you warm up, Justin. I saw how he was looking at you. You didn't even know he was there. I asked him if he loved you and he said yes. He was scared about what would happen."
"So I'm back to where I started. What do I say? What do I do?" Justin paused sighing deeply. "I've never met anyone that I've felt this way about before. It scares me, too."
"I know, Justin. I remember those feelings." JC smiled sadly for his friend and reached over to hold Lance's hand. He squeezed it gently feeling Lance squeeze back both sharing Justin's pain and remembering their own.
Justin was in turmoil. He hadn't seen Jamie in over 2 months and not talked to him in a little over a month, although he had tried. Every unanswered phone message and email broke his heart. He wondered if JC was right and Jamie still felt the same way. His feelings were just as strong as when he was in Boston.
------ 2 Months Earlier ------
Justin got Jamie to agree to stay on at the suite with all of them. He thought it was cute that Jamie insisted on sleeping on the couch and didn't argue, having won the battle to keep him there. The six of them talked the night away over pizza. JC and Lance were cuddled together on the loveseat. Eventually they started getting tired and decided to call it a night. Joey and Chris waved goodnight and went to their room.
JC couldn't resist a little teasing. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"Oh, that's ill, JC," Chris laughed. He turned and made a moon face at Joey. "Would you tuck me in?" he asked in a childish voice.
"Now -that's- ill!" exclaimed Joey pushing Chris into the room. "Goodnight, guys."
Lance laughed at JC. "Hey, you made a funny."
"We all have our moments," JC smirked. "I can't always be the straight guy."
"Last I heard, you weren't anymore," Justin giggled at him, setting Lance and Jamie laughing.
"Huh?" JC asked not quite getting the joke. Lance whispered into his ear still giggling. JC's eyes widened and he blushed.
He stood suddenly and headed to the bedroom he shared with Lance. "I think I'll go to bed now." Lance looked at him with concern. Justin and Jamie both stopped giggling and looked at each other.
"Josh, we didn't mean...." Lance began before JC interrupted him, turning in the doorway.
"Hey, you joining me or what? I get lonely in bed by myself... Gotcha!" he said with a huge grin.
They all laughed. "You are hot tonight," Lance smiled as he went to JC.
"Just you wait and see in a few minutes, sexy," JC said seductively to Lance who blushed a deep red. They waved to Jamie and Justin and shut the door.
After a few moments they heard Lance's deep voice through the door. "Oh, Joshua!"
They giggled. Justin turned on the stereo and set the volume very quietly but enough to mask any noise JC and Lance should make. He moved over and sat closer to Jamie on the floor. He leaned back against the couch and held out his hand. Jamie smiled and took it in his own.
"Guess that just leaves the two of us, huh Jamie?"
Jamie nodded shyly before snuggling against Justin's shoulder. "I guess so," he said softly.
They sat in silence for long minutes not feeling the need to say anything, cherishing the closeness they were sharing.
Finally Jamie broke the quiet. "Justin, what happens after tomorrow?" he asked in almost a whisper.
Justin turned and looked at Jamie square in the eye. "I honestly don't know, Jamie. But I do know that it won't be goodbye. Now, let's just enjoy the time we have and talk about it that morning, ok?"
Jamie agreed and snuggled closer to Justin who put his arm around him. After awhile they both started yawning.
"I guess we'd better get some sleep," Jamie finally said.
"I won't argue with that. Are you sure about the couch? You could take the bed and I'll sleep out here."
Jamie shook his head. "No, it's your room besides, the couch isn't that bad." He looked up into Justin's deep blue eyes and sweetly kissed him on the lips.
Justin smiled and cupped Jamie's cheek with one hand. Jamie leaned into his hand looking up at Justin with a big smile. Justin slowly leaned down and kissed Jamie sweetly and gently. This kiss lasted much longer than the first one as they each got lost in the feel and taste of the other's lips.
They separated finally both slightly panting. Justin smiled and brushed Jamie's bangs away from his eyes. Jamie bashfully smiled at Justin before pulling away. Justin smiled back and got up from the floor.
"Good night, Jamie. I'm right here if you need me."
Jamie nodded. "Good night, Justin."
Justin slept soundly lightly dreaming of happy things. A sense of something partially woke him. He had trouble in his half sleep figuring out what was wrong. He groggily went to check on Jamie and found the couch empty. Hearing a slight noise he went to the kitchen and saw Jamie drinking some juice.
Justin rubbed his eyes. "There you are, you ok?"
"I'm fine, couldn't sleep. What are you doing up?"
"Dunno, just woke up with a feeling something wasn't right. You wanna come back in with me?"
Justin was too tired and half-asleep but he did notice Jamie hesitate. He waited in his daze for Jamie to make the decision. Finally Jamie reached over and took his hand leading him to the bedroom. They got into bed lying close together and Justin fell fast asleep immediately. Jamie sighed watching Justin's face as he slept. He snuggled into Justin's shoulder and fell asleep as well.
Morning came while everyone slept in. Justin and Jamie were the first ones up. They ordered room service thinking the smell of food would get the others out of bed and they were right. Lance and JC came out fresh from showers looking tired but happy. Joey and Chris complained about getting some more sleep but were in good moods.
"So what's the scoop, Scoop?" Chris asked around a bite of toast.
"I'm not really sure," Lance answered. "I think Jamie has better info than I do."
Jamie nodded. "Let's see, it's 11 now. The dress rehearsal starts at 1. The band will run through its numbers first then the songs with Justin. After a half-hour break we do the numbers with you guys. Then you have the stage to yourselves for your sound check and rehearsal."
"You better watch out, Lance, you may be out of a job," joked Joey.
Lance smiled and poked Joey in the side.
"Then what Jamie?" JC asked sipping some coffee.
"The rehearsal should be over by 5 then we go get some dinner. The dance starts at 7."
"Then we paartay!" cheered Justin smiling broadly.
With breakfast done everyone sat around relaxing for the hour or so wait until rehearsal. Chris hooked his Sega up to the TV and he and JC were shooting at each other in some game. Joey was reading a book while Lance looked through paperwork and made some phone calls.
Justin and Jamie sat on the floor by the couch. Justin sat with Jamie's guitar and Jamie sat spooned behind him giving him a lesson. Lance would look over every so often at them and smile.
Joey finished reading and listened to Justin play. "Hey that's not bad, Just, but let the professional show us what he can do."
Chris and JC had finished their game and agreed with Joey. "Play us something, Jamie," JC urged.
Jamie looked a little uncertain until Justin asked as well. "You play so beautifully, besides we always make the music. Hardly anyone does it -for us-, it's a treat."
Jamie couldn't resist such a request and quickly checked the tuning and started playing a melody that seemed familiar to the guys.
"Hey, I know this," Chris tried to puzzle out.
Lance thought for a minute longer, "Oh I know, from Public TV, the Civil War song."
Jamie smiled at Lance and nodded. "It's called Ashokan Farewell," he said when the song ended.
"That was great, Jamie, play another please?" Chris asked sincerely.
Jamie thought for a minute before starting up a lovely accompaniment and sang.
"Oh the water is wide and I can't cross o'er
And neither have I wings to fly
Build me a boat that can carry two
And both shall row, my love and I
There is a ship and she sails the sea
She's loaded deep, as deep can be
But not so deep as the love I'm in
I know not how I sink or swim."
JC got up and sat in Lance's lap mesmerized by the song and rested his head against Lance's. Joey had his eyes closed enjoying the music while Chris sat his mouth hanging open. Justin leaned against the couch with a broad smile on his face as Jamie continued.
"Oh the water is wide and I can't cross o'er
And neither have I wings to fly
Build me a boat that can carry two
And both shall row, my love and I
Oh love is handsome and love is fine
The sweetest flower when first it's new
But love can grow old and wax cold
And fade away like summer dew
Yes the water is wide and I can't cross o'er
And neither have I wings to fly
Build me a boat that can carry two
And both shall row, my love and I
And both shall row, my love and I."
The song ended and they were silent as the last note faded slowly from the guitar. Chris was the first to make a sound. "That was so beautiful," he said softly.
"Thank you, Chris," Jamie said a little self-consciously.
"I know that song, my grandmother used to sing it while she baked," Lance added. "But it never sounded anything like that."
Justin leaned over and kissed Jamie on the cheek. "Thank you, Jamie. We really appreciate that. You know, you've got a great voice." Jamie blushed and leaned back into Justin who hugged him into his arms.
They all sat talking quietly until it was time to leave.
The guys were on a high after the dance, which was usual for a performance. They mingled freely with the band and everyone had a good time at the party in the suite. Justin tried at first to stay close to Jamie, but Jamie seemed to prefer to wander around so Justin let him have his space. Every so often his wandering would bring him by Justin and he would stop and spend a few minutes with him. At one point Justin noticed Jamie standing alone with a blank expression. He tried to reach him but Jamie had moved on before Justin could cross the room.
Justin found Lance and JC in the kitchen sharing a private moment. He cleared his throat softly and they separated almost guiltily.
"Hey, Justin," Lance coughed blushing slightly. JC looked like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
Justin laughed. "You know, JC, that where Lance comes from they'd have you in front of the altar with a shotgun in your back for what you were just doing."
JC and Lance laughed as Lance smacked Justin's shoulder. "Oh, like where you come from is any better."
JC sensed something in Justin. "What's on your mind, J?"
"I'm worried about Jamie. I don't know what to say to convince him I'm not saying goodbye tomorrow."
"Have you considered that might have to be what you say?" Lance advised.
Justin frowned. "I don't think I could live with that. The way I feel right now, I think it would kill me." Before either of the others could say another word he left for the bathroom. JC and Lance immediately started discussing how they could help the situation when Jamie found them a minute later.
Justin stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes trying not to cry and failing. He vowed he would be strong for Jamie and didn't want him to see him like this. Finally in control he left and saw Jamie sitting on one of the couches lost in another world. He went over to him and smiled but got no reaction. Justin sat down next to Jamie and took his hand, which brought Jamie back from his thoughts. They talked briefly and then Justin pulled Jamie's head down into his lap and stroked his hair. Both fell fast asleep.
Justin woke the next morning spooned with Jamie on the couch and looked at his watch. Only 2 hours until they had to leave for the airport. 'It's not enough time' he groaned to himself.
Waking Jamie, they took separate showers and went down to the restaurant in the lobby. Justin waited until they started eating to speak.
"Jamie, we need to talk about what happens now."
Jamie got a stricken look on his face but simply nodded.
"Do you want to go first or should I?" Justin reached over and grabbed Jamie's hand under the table.
"I guess, you go first," Jamie gulped.
"Jamie, I'm feeling things now that I never thought I would. I care so much about you and don't want to say goodbye to you. I don't know what will happen, my life is so..." he searched for the right words, "... so, complicated, I guess. But I do know one thing. I want to try to see if we can make this work." Justin looked at Jamie trying to show his love and confidence, feeling the love but not feeling all that confident.
Jamie looked at Justin sadly. "I know I feel all those things too, but it scares me that I won't be able to see you. When is the next time we can meet?"
Justin pondered, feeling confined with the schedule through Thanksgiving. "I don't think we have any free days coming up." He frowned to himself. "How about Thanksgiving?"
"I always spend that with family and I'm sure you do too. Besides, I need to tell them about what happened and that will be the best time."
"Ok, can you come to New York for the tree lighting on the first? We'll be busy at sundown but the rest of the night will be ours."
Jamie nodded. "That would work. I plan on going to New York with my brother before heading back to school for finals."
Justin smiled happily. "Sounds like a date then. And I promise you, in December we are freer. Plus when you move to New York it will be much easier, we're there all the time."
Jamie looked away suddenly. "What's wrong?" Justin asked with concern.
"Justin, I don't think I'll be strong enough to go with you to the airport today. I don't think I can bear it."
Justin smiled sadly at Jamie. "I understand. Why don't you have Zack meet us and we'll say goodbye from here."
Their parting was a sad and emotional one. Jamie clung to Zack on the sidewalk outside the hotel. Justin waited until the guys had said their goodbyes and headed to the limo. He held back the tears as best he could as he hugged Jamie tightly not wanting to let go. JC finally grabbed his arm and with an apologetic look to Jamie pulled him into the limo. As they drove away he opened the sunroof and jumped up through it. "I'll miss you!" he called before Chris and Joey pulled him back in. He collapsed into Lance's arms sobbing heavily.
------ Back to the Present ------
Justin's eyes misted over at the memory and he rubbed them to suppress tears as the cab pulled up to a building. They paid their fare and walked up to the door. JC rang the buzzer.
*** Ya, who is it? *** A deep voice said from the speaker.
Justin was still lost in his thoughts so JC took the lead. "We're here to see Jamie Campbell?"
*** I'm sorry but he's not here right now. Is there something I can help you with? ***
"We're friends of his from out-of-state and we really need to talk to him..." JC paused, "about his friend Justin. Do you know where we can find him?"
There was a silence before the voice answered. *** Hold on, I'll buzz you up. ***
The door buzzed loudly. They went through and walked up the stairs to the second floor, quickly finding the apartment. They were greeted at the door by a man about JC's age with light brown hair and eyes. He was taller than Jamie but the family resemblance was there.
"So, Sonny wasn't making it all up. He really does know members of 'N Sync," Dan joked as he invited them in. They introduced themselves while sitting around the kitchen table.
Dan gave Justin an appraising look. "You know, my brother may be alot of things, but he isn't stupid." Lance and JC tensed while Justin simple stared down that the table top looking like a sad little puppy. "But I'll be damned if I can find a reason why you two aren't together."
The tension suddenly went out of the room and JC heaved a sigh of relief. "Dan, we need to find him. Do you know where his is?"
Dan nodded to JC before turning his attention to Justin. "Just the fact that you're here says alot, Justin. I nearly killed him when I found out what he did last month. He's been miserable and to be perfectly honest I'm getting sick and tired of the sad love songs he keeps playing." Lance chuckled in spite of himself and Dan joined him.
"Justin, it's not going to be easy. He's gonna take some convincing but I think if anyone can talk some sense into him, you can. God knows I've tried. So let's go!"
They headed through the Village and quickly came up to a club and entered. Dan looked around as they entered and ushered them all to a table in a dark corner. Jamie and a couple of other musicians were just finishing an up tempo ballad.
Before the next song started Jamie spoke. "We'd like to thank you for listening to us tonight. This is the last song before we break for a bit. I hope you like it."
Justin again sat listening to Jamie sing. He sounded so sad.
"You see what I mean," Dan whispered. "This is all he listens to day and night."
The words of the song sank into Justin as he got a glimpse into Jamie's sadness. He thought back on the last time he had seen Jamie.
------ One Month Earlier ------
Justin was excited and impatient. The appearance at the tree lighting went well although he was a little distracted. His thoughts were only on meeting Jamie. The last four weeks had been tough on both of them. Justin called almost daily and emailed faithfully but it seemed that Jamie was drifting away from him. Tonight he would fix it all.
Finally after what seemed an eternity Justin answered the door and there Jamie was. They hugged and held each other in silence. Justin leaned his head and gave Jamie a loving kiss but quickly sensed that Jamie wasn't responding as he usually did.
"Justin, what's wrong with me. I want nothing more than to kiss you and have you hold me," Jamie gulped and added, "to make love to me."
Justin's heart thudded happily when he heard those words. He took one of Jamie's hands in both of his own, pulled it up and kissed the back of it. "Jamie, I know that you're still having a hard time adjusting after..." He couldn't say the words out loud.
Jamie finished it for him, "...after Rocky." He moaned at the name and pulled Justin's hands to him and cradled his head on them.
"Shhhh, don't be scared, I will never let anything happen to you," he soothed Jamie as he stroked the side of his head. Coming to a decision he voiced his feelings. "Jamie, I think I..." He stopped and shook his head. "No, I know it for real. I love you. We both know that it's gonna take some time and lots of work but I'm here for you. I can't... I won't let you go."
Jamie lifted his head and looked into Justin's crystal blue eyes. Justin tried to convey his love of Jamie in his gaze.
"Justin, there's nothing I want more," tears started running down Jamie's face, "but I can't."
Justin froze in confusion taken by surprise. "But..." he began but Jamie cut him off.
"This just isn't going to work. We both need something we can't give each other. We've been dating for almost a month now and this is the first time I've seen you since the dance."
Tears started flowing from Justin's eyes, every word from Jamie shattering his hopes, dreams and his heart as he continued.
"Sure, you've called me almost every day, which I really appreciate, Justin. I knew we wouldn't see each other much. But what happens when you're on tour or out of the country? I don't see where I fit in. Where -we- fit in."
They sat silently looking at each other for a moment before Jamie broke from Justin's gaze and stood. "Maybe if our lives weren't so fucked up it would be different."
Justin sat dumfounded. Tears were streaming down his face while he tried to form words, say something to keep Jamie with him. He reached out to Jamie's back as he headed to the door.
"Jamie..." He croaked in a hoarse voice.
Jamie opened the door and looked back at Justin. He kissed his fingertips and blew the kiss to Justin. "I will always remember you. Goodbye, Justin." He turned and ran from the room.
Justin collapsed to the floor, his arm still reaching out for Jamie. His body shook with his sobs. He couldn't move or speak. After a short while JC came in and picked him off the floor and comforted him until he quieted and could explain what happened.
------ Back to the Present ------
The applause started instantly after the last chord died away. Jamie smiled at the audience then talked to the bartender. In that instant Justin knew what he had to do. As Jamie disappeared down a side hallway he quickly made his was to the bar.
"Hey, can anyone do a song or two?" he asked the bartender.
"Sure, kid. Go help yourself."
Justin stepped into the lights of the stage. He talked with the piano player briefly as they started a song, he'd done his homework. His voice clear and strong carried out over the room.
"I'm a sentimental sap that's all,
What's the use in trying not to fall?
I have no will, you've made your kill
And you took advantage of me!"
Lance looked at Dan and JC not understanding what Justin was up to. "What's he doing?"
JC smiled and grabbed Lance's hand. "He's talking to Jamie in the one way Jamie can't ignore," he said cryptically.
"And it just might work," added Dan with a broad smile.
Lance thought for a minute before he finally got it. "Ohhhh," he grinned.
Justin continued through the song. He was near the end when Jamie rounded the corner and stopped dead only 3 feet away from him. Justin turned and sang the last verse directly to him.
"Here I am with all my bridges burned
Just a babe in arms where you're concerned
So lock the doors and call me yours
'Cause you took advantage of me!
Ya, you took advantage of me,
Oh, you took advantage of me."
The audience applauded the end of the song. Justin nodded to them with a smile then went to Jamie.
"Justin, what... how... I don't...."
Justin hushed Jamie with a smile and carefully made him sit down in front of the stage. "Don't say anything, I'd like to sing one more song."
Jamie gaped at Justin who giggled at him. Justin turned to the combo who smiled broadly and started. Justin stood right in front of Jamie and sang for him and him alone. He sang the usually up-tempo song with a slow blues feel.
"All of me, why not take all of me?
Can't you see I'm no good without you?
Take my lips, I want to lose them;
Take my arms, I'll never use them.
Your goodbye left me with eyes that cry,
How can I go on, dear, without you?
You took the part that once was my heart,
So why not take all of me."
Jamie had never heard Justin sing with so much feeling and emotion in his voice and knew that he was hearing Justin pour his heart out to him.
"Your goodbye left me with eyes that cry,
How can I go on, dear, without you?
You took the part that once was my heart,
So why not take all of me."
tbc....
Notes: The Water is Wide - Traditional Celtic Folk Song
This is a great song.
I especially love the version James Taylor does on his 'New Moon Shine' album.
You Took Advantage of Me - Richard Rodgers/Lorenz Hart, 1928 All of Me - Seymour Simons/Gerald Marks, 1931
This was one of Frank Sinatra's signature songs and is a great piece of writing.
There's the latest. Comments and suggestions are always welcome!
Jim bangoremail@aol.com