Greetings everyone,
Here's Chapter Nine.
As always a big thanks to anyone who has emailed me about the story. And if you haven't emailed me and still enjoyed the story that's great too! Thanks : )
I'd like some input from anyone on Chapter 8. I think I worked off of it so that the end made sense but I wasn't completely happy with the way it came out. Again that danger of letting the story write itself. But I can live and work with it. This chapter may be confusing, as it will jump around in time. Hang with it, it will make sense eventually... I hope. ::smirk::
This story is purely fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of `N Sync or anyone associated with their organization. It is meant for those over the age of 18 only and those who wish to read stories with sexual content.
Jamie's Romance - Chapter 9
Jamie sat on the small stage lightly strumming the strings on his guitar. `A good crowd tonight,' he thought as he tuned with the piano. He nodded to the other members of the combo and they started the set. He had been coming to the open mike at the club for a couple of weeks now and although it didn't pay except for a meal, it was ok with him. It got him out and playing in a relaxed, no stress atmosphere. He had chosen the songs that afternoon and was glad on his picks because they suited his mood perfectly.
He had been in New York barely a month and was already making the beginnings of a comfortable career. He was living in a nice two-bedroom walk-up in Greenwich Village thanks to his brother.
Dan was 4 years older, a corporate trainer and was hardly ever in town. He wasn't gay but knew that Jamie was and had chosen the Village because it was `trendy'. That was his brother, always into image. He insisted Jamie live there rent-free because something about Jamie being the starving, struggling artist tickled him plus he like having someone there to look after the place when he was gone. They had always been close but first one then the other going to college had separated them. Now they were getting to know each other again.
Jamie's contacts in Boston had introduced him around and he found that he now had a good handful of students, mostly high school age and the occasional band gig here and there. He had also been getting some studio work, not steady, but enough to pay the bills. He had been accepted into the masters program at the Manhattan School and was considering starting there in September. Life was good, or most people would have thought so.
Other than playing he didn't go out much except for the occasional show with his brother. Even his birthday was celebrated with a quick dinner at the corner deli and a movie at home. That memory brought up another. He got the usual batch of cards from his friends and family. His friends from the college band sent him a group card that they all signed that made Jamie smile.
Then there was the surprise card from `N Sync. At first he couldn't believe that they even knew when his birthday was but he remembered telling Justin because his was only a couple of weeks later. They all had signed it with comments and good wishes except Justin. Jamie had looked at Justin's plain signature sadly. He put the card back in the envelope and opened the next envelope. Inside was a folded up note. The memory of the note put a lump in his throat and, although he tried to not remember, the words came into his head anyway.
"Jamie,
Happy Birthday! I hope things in New York are going good for you. We'll
be there later in the month and we all want to see you, but I want to the most.
Please can't we do something together, even if it's just to talk? I'll understand
if you can't. But I miss you.
The guys all say What Up!!? Please keep in touch. Call if you wan... please.
You know the number.
Always,
Justin
PS: And in case you're wondering JC got your address from Zack."
Jamie came back to the present as the song ended and another began, Georgia on My Mind,' one of his favorites. The sax player took the lead, which was fine with him, as he strummed the changes. He was still battling with the depression and self-doubt from what he lightly called the incident' and was slowly and surely winning but it had been a long hard road. He had fearfully told his family after Thanksgiving dinner and found only concern and love. His heart still ached for that brief moment of happiness from last fall.
------ 2 Months Earlier ------ When the dance ended everyone was on a high. Justin sang a few more songs during the band's last set and the arrangements of the `N Sync numbers went very well. Jamie was floating on air. Every so often Justin would glance his way and wink and smile at him.
After the dance `N Sync hosted a party at the hotel suite. Everyone was having a good time eating and drinking. Jamie had only a couple of Cider Jacks not wanting to get beyond slightly buzzed. Every so often he would check in with Justin to see what he was doing. Justin would smile at him and rub his shoulder until Jamie moved on. Jamie's doubts and fears were growing by the hour and it seemed that nothing Justin would do could keep them away.
At one point he went to get a glass of water in the kitchen and walked in on Lance and JC having a serious conversation. They stopped as he entered and greeted him with smiles and hugs. He excused himself quickly and heard them start talking again as soon has he left. `Wonder what's up there?' He thought to himself not thinking any more of it. He was worn out from the concert and a lack of sleep, went into the main room and sat on one of the couches.
Jamie thought back to the night before. He had tried to sleep on the sofa not wanting to push things with Justin, especially with all the others there with them. After tossing and turning for awhile he got up and went to the kitchen for a drink.
He got some juice and leaned against the counter. He stood thinking for several minutes when Justin walked in rubbing sleep from his eyes. Jamie smiled inside thinking how cute he looked in just his boxer shorts, his eyes half closed and hair messy from his pillow.
"There you are, you ok?" Justin asked in a groggy voice.
"I'm fine, couldn't sleep. What are you doing up?"
"Dunno, just woke up with a feeling something wasn't right. You wanna come back in with me?"
Jamie hesitated, torn between wanting to and wanting to be alone. Justin didn't notice his hesitation and indecision through the fog of sleep and patiently waited for him. Finally Jamie reached over and took Justin's hand and led him back to the bedroom. They got into bed lying close together. Justin was immediately sound asleep, snoring softly. Jamie watched him, admiring how peaceful he looked. He snuggled into Justin's shoulder and finally drifted off.
Jamie was brought back to the present when Justin sat beside him on the couch. The party seemed to be slowing down a little and the crowd in the suite had thinned out quite a bit. Justin smiled at Jamie and took his hand and held it gently.
"You seemed a little lost inside yourself there," he said good-naturedly. "Something bothering you?" Justin's thumb gently started rubbing the back of Jamie's hand.
Thousands of thoughts were flying through Jamie's head. Nobody, certainly not Rocky, had ever been as gentle and caring with him as Justin was. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back before answering. "Not really. I'm a little overwhelmed, this has been a lot to deal with."
Justin nodded staying silent.
"I'm so tired, Justin," he said as he leaned into Justin's shoulder. Justin pulled Jamie down so his head was resting in his lap.
"You just relax and try not to think too much." Justin comforted Jamie the best he could and stroked the soft hair above Jamie's ear with his fingertips.
Jamie sighed deeply eased slightly by Justin. "Justin, what about after tomorrow?" he asked.
"Remember, we promised we wouldn't think about that until tomorrow. We'll talk then, ok?"
"Ok."
They stayed that way for a long time. Everyone gave them their space commenting among themselves how nice they looked together.
It was an hour or so later when Jamie woke from where he had been dozing in Justin's lap. Justin was breathing slowly and deeply above him, his head snuggled into the back of the couch. Jamie carefully got out of his lap not waking him. He went to the bathroom to relieve himself and walked through the suite. A couple of his friends had fallen asleep, or more rightly passed out, on one of the other couches.
He heard some noise from one of the bedrooms and went to check it out. Through the half open door he saw Chris, Joey and a couple of the girls from the band playing Twister. Jamie smiled and shook his head and then suddenly noticed that there were some clothes missing. Blushing deeply he backed away quietly. Strip Twister,' he marveled to himself, always thought that was just a bad joke.'
He went back to the couch and saw Justin laying down fast asleep. Jamie lay down next to him and snuggled into his back and fell into an uneasy sleep his thoughts on tomorrow.
Their parting was a sad and emotional one. Jamie knew he couldn't be strong enough to be separated from Justin and keep the relationship going but was helpless to make Justin understand. He realized that Justin's love had blinded him to Jamie's pain and that frightened him.
Jamie couldn't bring himself to go to the airport and clung to Zack on the sidewalk outside the hotel. One at a time the guys hugged Jamie before they got into their limo. Justin was last and the longest. JC had to almost bodily carry Justin to his seat so they could get going and not miss the plane to Orlando. As they pulled away Justin's head popped up from the sun roof and he screamed "I'll miss you!" before he was pulled back down and out of sight.
------ Back to the Present ------ The song ended and they started another. Jamie was still lost in his memories. The pain of that separation still felt like a knife wound.
------ One Month Earlier ------ Jamie tried to convince himself that he and Justin were over and that it could never be more than what they had shared. He knew it was for the best and tried to move on but Justin wouldn't let him. He called often and sent cards and letters. Jamie loved hearing his voice but felt more and more alone after each call.
Jamie had gone to New York after Thanksgiving with his brother to see the apartment and enjoy a brief rest before finals. Justin and `NSync would be in town for a day or two for an appearance at the Rockefeller Center tree lighting. Jamie needed to speak to Justin face to face very badly. He needed to settle this once and for all for his sanity and to spare Justin's feelings.
Finally that night after the lighting they were in Justin's hotel room. They hugged and held each other in silence. Justin leaned his head and gave Jamie a loving kiss. Jamie wanted to return it but found he couldn't. He pulled away with a huge sigh.
"Justin, what's wrong with me. I want nothing more than to kiss you and have you hold me," Jamie gulped and added, "to make love to me."
Justin took one of Jamie's hands in both of his own, pulled it up and kissed the back of it. "Jamie, I know that you're still having a hard time adjusting after..." He couldn't say the words out loud.
Jamie finished it for him, "...after Rocky." He moaned at the name and pulled Justin's hands to him and cradled his head on them.
"Shhhh, don't be scared, I will never let anything happen to you," he soothed Jamie as he stroked the side of his head. "Jamie, I think I..." He stopped and shook his head. "No, I know it for real. I love you. We both know that it's gonna take some time and lots of work but I'm here for you. I can't... I won't let you go."
Jamie lifted his head and looked into Justin's crystal blue eyes. He felt himself getting lost in them, drowning in them and also finding himself there as well. It terrified him.
"Justin, there's nothing I want more," tears started running down Jamie's face, "but I can't."
Justin looked confused. "But..." He began before Jamie cut him off.
Jamie stalled Justin's protests by not stopping the words from coming. He knew if he didn't say it all now he never would. He had to force himself to look Justin straight in the eyes. What he knew he had to say added with Justin's silent tears were tearing his heart apart.
"This just isn't going to work. We both need something we can't give each other. We've been dating for almost a month now and this is the first time I've seen you since the dance."
"Sure, you've called me almost every day, which I really appreciate, Justin. I knew we wouldn't see each other much. But what happens when you're on tour or out of the country? I don't see where I fit in. Where -we- fit in."
They sat silently looking at each other for a moment before Jamie broke from Justin's gaze and stood. "Maybe if our lives weren't so fucked up it would be different."
Justin sat dumfounded. Tears were streaming down his face while his mouth worked silently trying to say something, anything to keep Jamie from leaving. He reached out to Jamie's back as he headed to the door.
"Jamie..." He croaked in a hoarse voice.
Jamie opened the door and looked back at Justin and his heart broke apart completely. Sobbing uncontrollably he kissed his fingertips and blew it to Justin. "I will always remember you. Goodbye, Justin." He turned and ran from the room.
Justin collapsed to the floor, his arm still reaching out for Jamie. His body shook with his sobs.
JC was coming out of his room when he saw Jamie running down the hall to the elevator.
"Jamie, what's wrong? Jamie!" he called. Jamie kept going ignoring JC. He passed the elevator and pushed through the door into the stairwell and was gone.
------ Back to the Present ------ Jamie shed a single silent tear. He was so lost in the music and his memories that he didn't notice four figures enter the club and sit in the back near a shadowy corner.
Before they started the last song of the set Jamie spoke to the audience.
"We'd like to thank you for listening to us tonight. This is the last song before we break for a bit. I hope you like it."
Jamie started to sing the slightly out of tempo intro into the mic.
"Old man sunshine listen you,
Never tell me 'Dreams come true'
Just try it, and I'll start a riot
Beatrice Fairfax don't you dare,
Ever tell me he will care
I'm certain, it's the final curtain.
I never want to hear from any cheerful Pollyannas
Who tell you fate supplies a mate, it's all bananas."
The combo struck up the slow swing rhythm of the song as Jamie continued into the main verse.
"They're writing songs of love, but not for me
A lucky star's above, but not for me
With love to lead the way,
I've found more clouds of gray,
Than any Russian play could guarantee.
I was a fool to fall and get that way
Heigh-ho! Alas! and also lack-a-day
Although I can't dismiss,
The memory of his kiss
I guess he's not for me."
Jamie easily improvised over the changes. He tried to empty some of the intense feelings he was still having into his music. It certainly worked as there were many wet eyes in the audience. They finished the bridge as Jamie finished off the song.
"I was a fool to fall and get that way
Heigh-ho! Alas! and also lack-a-day
Although I can't dismiss,
The memory of his kiss"
Jamie held the note and the word kiss, paused then slowly sang the last line, strumming the chords.
"I guess he's not for me."
The applause started instantly after the last chord died away. Jamie smiled at the audience and made his way to the bar.
"Good job, kid, you're really on tonight," Chip the bartender complimented him. "You want your dinner now?"
"In a second, thanks, I need to use the restroom."
Chip nodded as Jamie headed to the bathrooms. Jamie didn't notice one of the figures make his way to the bar and have a few words with Chip. Chip gestured his approval and Justin stepped into the lights of the stage. He talked with the piano player briefly as they started a song. His voice clear and strong carried out over the room.
"I'm a sentimental sap that's all,
What's the use in trying not to fall?
I have no will, you've made your kill
And you took advantage of me!"
Jamie finished as the song started. He heard the muffled voice and thought it sounded pretty good. He washed his hands as the song continued humming along with the stage.
"I'm just like an apple on the bough
And you're gonna shake me down somehow
So, what's the use, you've cooked my goose
'Cause you took advantage of me!
I'm so hot and bothered that I don't know my elbow from my ear.
I suffer something awful each time you go and much worse when you're near.
Here I am with all my bridges burned
Just a babe in arms where you're concerned
So lock the doors and call me yours
'Cause you took advantage of me!"
The sax player took the solo to give Justin a rest. The bridge came and Justin jumped right in.
"I'm so hot and bothered that I don't know my elbow from my ear.
I suffer something awful each time you go and much worse when you're near."
Jamie dried his hands and wiped his face and left the restroom. He rounded the corner and came face to face with Justin on stage only 3 feet away from him. He stopped in surprise and stood completely still as Justin finished the song, singing directly to him.
"Here I am with all my bridges burned
Just a babe in arms where you're concerned
So lock the doors and call me yours
'Cause you took advantage of me!
Ya, you took advantage of me,
Oh, you took advantage of me."
The audience applauded the end of the song. Justin nodded to them with a smile then went to Jamie.
"Justin, what... how... I don't...."
Justin hushed Jamie with a smile.
tbc..........
Notes: But Not For Me - George and Ira Gershwin, 1930 You Took Advantage of Me - Richard Rodgers/Lorenz Hart, 1928
There's the latest. Comments and suggestions are always welcome!
Jim bangoremail@aol.com