This is a story about the growing up and coming of age of a typical Ohio boy by the name of Jason as told to me through the exchange of a series of Email. It is a true story detailing true events with only the names, including Jason's, having been changed to protect the travelers we meet along the way. We pick up where we left off in Chapter 10 with twenty-four-year-old Jason recovering from his second major surgery and returning to college and discovering the twists and turns of use and abuse. The lyrics to "You Go First" are copyright of Jessica Andrews, and the lyrics to "Scars" are copyright of Papa Roach. Comments about the story can be sent to the author, J.O. Dickingson at authorsix@hotmail.com and those who wish to correspond directly with Jason may do so at journeyofjason@yahoo.com
CHAPTER ELEVEN: UP AND DOWN THE ROLLER COASTER WITH NICOLE
I return to college for the spring semester and am in another class with Chad. Unfortunately the class is on a Saturday at ten a.m. Needless to say, I drop the class after the fourth week. I am just not a Saturday morning school type person and the prospects of getting it on with Chad aren't strong enough to keep me going. I haven't seen him since. It is funny that over the years the only reason I went to some classes, even in high school, was to see people. Toward the end of my last semester in high school the only reason I went to school actually was to check out the guys in the shower.
In May Alisa and I go to a bar in Canton because I want to sign up for a Q92 card. They are selling tickets to the Hanson concert that is in Canton, but you have to have a card to get the pre-sale tickets. On the ride up, Alisa and I are talking about Jess and her sister. Alisa mentions that she was talking with their mother and their mother told her that Jess thought she was a lesbian. I almost go catatonic. I can't talk for like five minutes and my mind is just totally blown. When I finally start coming out of it, the first thing I say is, "wouldn't that be so hot, to see Jess and her sister together." Alisa hits me and says that is gross.
I would still have sex with Jess if the opportunity ever arose, but that probably won't happen if she really is a lesbian. At least I know it wasn't me that she didn't like, just my dick, LOL. That night, I get good and drunk. I love Long Island Ice Tea and have a few at the bar, along with a shot of something, and another drink that is supposed to be a Long Island, but it has a lemon, a lime, and a cherry in it. I have never had a Long Island with that combination of fruit, so I have no idea what I am drinking, but it fucks me up good. As we are sitting there, I motion Alisa to lean across the table so I can lean in to talk to her privately. The music is so loud I could have yelled it from the table and nobody would have heard me anyway. I lean in and say, "I'm really drunk, but you do know I'm bi right?" She just looks at me with this deer caught in the headlights look, you know, like George Bush always has.
I am so drunk I fall out of the car trying to get in it and Alisa drives it home that night. I just sit in the passenger seat and keep talking about being bi and how many guys I have been with. Funny thing, she used to date Kenny before he openly came out. We always used to say that guys Alisa dates are either gay or named Jason . Not anymore.
So that May I see Hanson in person in Cleveland and then in June in Canton, thinking back to when I'd first seen them and thought they were three girls. As I'm standing there watching I'm wishing Tay would see me and invite me back stage. The concerts are unbelievably loud. Five thousand screaming 12-18 year-old-girls and me. Ninety-five percent of them would lay down and spread 'em for any one of them and as I'm watching I realize I would too. The concert in Canton is inside and even louder. Poor Zac has to pull his monitor out of his ear because of the feedback. Fine-looking pieces of ass, all three of them.
I have some hot jerk off sessions afterward imagining me with each of them, and with all three together, in every possible combination.
In June, Nicole and I go down to Columbus to a Dell store because they have a great deal on a 2400, 60GB hard drive, 512 MB RAM, CD burners, four-year warranty, and all-in-one printer for under $700. It is a hell of a deal, a twentieth anniversary sale, so we go down to order one for her. We leave early in the morning and have a good day walking around the mall and getting dinner at the Olive Garden. I cannot believe the size of the mall. Two stories and I don't know how many blocks. When we first entered I just stood there at the door slack-jawed and my head craning left and right like some country boy. Columbus is about a three-hour drive from my town. On the way home I am listening to a Garth Brooks CD while she sleeps and the song "The Dance" comes on. I look over at her while she sleeps and I feel myself start falling in love with her. I push it out of my mind but the thought keeps returning. She and her husband have been talking about a divorce since late 2003 so the possibility of the two of us getting together is not totally out of the question.
She gets her computer a week later and I go over and hook it up for her and get her up and running with the Internet and burning CDs. I take my country CDs up so she can go through them and burn the ones she wants and I also take my laptop up so we can burn them twice as fast. That night we sit around listening to CDs after putting her daughter to bed and I show her some of the stuff I have on my laptop. We eventually shut my computer down and just sit on the love seat talking. She is kind of leaning in, in what looks like the start of a kiss, but then it has been so long since I have been kissed, I figure I could be wrong. She tells me that she has always liked me and that she put her feelings aside for Alisa and Tara and all the other crushes and relationships I have had. I can't believe it. It is like she'd sensed my feelings for her on the ride back from Columbus. The mood suddenly changes. There is so much sexual tension between us you would have to be dead not to feel it. We are looking into each others eyes and a song suddenly comes to mind. I jump up and grab the Jessica Andrews disc that has the song "You Go First."
You're kicking tires, I'm sitting on the fence
Love's falling all around us and it don't make sense
How long can the two of us beat around the bush
We're right out on the edge but we need a little push
Dancing on the tightrope, wearing it thin
Instead of closing our eyes and jumping in
(chorus)
Do you want to kiss
Do you want to kiss
Do you want to kiss
You go first
You're dodging the moon and I'm playing it safe
Look what we're not doing, oh boy, what a waste
And what could be worse than never saying it at all
Is never knowing the feeling, never feeling the fall
What's it gonna take to get us both there
Can't you see what I'm suggesting, it's a double dare
(repeat chorus)
You start if you have the nerve
I'll trust my heart, but you go first
I shut the radio off and turn to look at her. She is laughing a little and I just repeat, "You go first." She leans in and we kiss, a very hard and passionate kiss. She hasn't learned anything in the past eleven years since our first kiss in the alley outside my house:
lot of tongue, which I am still not too crazy about. We wind up on the floor in her living room, kissing and grinding. She pulls my dick out and begins to give me a blow job. I could have boned her if I wanted to, but for some reason I stop and tell her that we can't do this since she is still married. She agrees and we stop, about three hours after we had started kissing. It really messes up my mind and I don't know what to think of it all. I want her, I want her badly, and she wants me, but it isn't right.
The next day we are going to go to Canton for some shopping. We never make it and while her daughter is down for a nap, we are all over each other. Again, she has me out and begins to give me a blow job. I never got off the first time, and I don't this time either.
I really fall for Nicole after those first two encounters and start imagining the rest of my life with her. I know I would have to be there for her and her little girl.
Her little girl is only eighteen months old and I haven't really paid much attention to her until now, other than when I had to. She always seemed to take to me whenever I was there though. After our little make out sessions, I start playing with her and carrying her around and I start to fall in love with her little girl too and in no time I just can't imagine my life without them.
About two weeks after we started making out, we wind up going all the way. She had been begging me to go all the way since that first night and I had been kicking myself in the ass that I had turned her down. I finally decided if I got another chance, I would go for it. That night, we are playing Super Mario Kart on the SNES and I beat her every round. We stop and start making out and we take our clothes off. I start rubbing my dick between her legs and she looks at me and again almost begs me to do it. I reposition myself and slid in. I have never had any problems positioning myself with a girl, never having had to use my hands, just feeling my way through and never missing.
Her eyes about shoot out of her head when she feels me pushing in. I bury myself and wait a minute for her to adjust. She says it is hurting so I pull out and hold her for a few minutes. I ask her if she wants to go to her bed so we can be more comfortable. We change rooms and she gets me a condom and we go at it for five hours. I never do cum, but she does many times. It doesn't matter to me that I don't shoot one off. I am making the person I love happy and that makes me happy. That is all I think about for those five hours.
The next day, it takes me about forty-five minutes to jack off. It is very frustrating. I don't know what the problem is, but figure it is probably some mental thing with her being married and all. I leave her place around seven in the morning because I have a dentist appointment.
Mom is starting to get suspicious as to what is going on and we begin to fight about it. Nicole and I have to be very secretive about this whole thing since she is going through with the divorce and she would have child custody problems if her husband found out about me. A few weeks later, we both need to just get out of the area so we take a drive, to Maryland. We get to Halfway Maryland, eat dinner and come home. It takes us probably twelve hours total. We have her little girl with us and she is an angel for the whole trip. It is that time of the month for Nicole and she is having very bad cramps for the whole trip. We get home somewhere around three a.m. and after we put her girl in her crib, we start making out. Nicole had said that sex is supposed to stop the cramps so I figure, what the hell. I mean what do I know about that, and besides, I'm willing to do anything Nicole asks. We do it for another four or five hours, again without me cumming and with her having an orgasm many times over.
I have never been with a girl while on her period before. Well, shock does not begin to describe my reaction the next day when I see how much blood is on me. Holy shit, it looks like somebody killed a pig that rolled around in a blood bank! I still cannot get over how much blood there was. Honestly, I think the Red Cross keeps less blood than that on hand at disaster sites. I will tell you one thing, after seeing that, I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. Despite my shock, I feel good that I could help her though. So I clean up the best I can and then go home and shower a few dozen times.
Nicole says that she is going to go to visit a friend's mother that night and won't be home for a few days. It is nothing but a lie. She goes to Virginia so her husband can see their daughter. That is the first in a long line of lies. I know what she is doing right from the beginning, but I feel sorry for her and I imagine how she must be feeling about the upcoming divorce hearing what with her daughter and all and I just let her go with it. She calls me on the way home and tells me where she had been and I just tell her I know. I tell her I am upset that she lied and that all I ever want is for her to tell me the truth. She says she is sorry and that she will. Another lie.
I start to fill in as somewhat of a father figure for Nicole, and I wind up spending more time with her daughter then she does. We watch TV a lot. I know every episode of Dora the Whorea (okay, Dora the Explorer after a few hundred times that little Spanish girl can be a bit annoying), Sesame Street, Barney, and Oobi. (My God that is a stupid show, hand puppets without puppets, just hands talking back and forth). We watch pretty much everything on Nickelodeon, Noggin, and Disney. I don't know how many times I have watched "Finding Nemo."
I continue to have the pains in my side from the surgery and it is decided that I should see the pain clinic in late July. The doctor gives me some drugs and tells me to go to physical therapy. There they decide to put me in the pool so I won't strain myself too badly. At this point, it has been almost three years since I have been in a pool and after the surgeries I have developed a real fear of water for some reason. I almost freak out thinking about having to get in the pool. I have a week to worry about it and Nicole is very reassuring and tells me to come up to her house after my first round of therapy and we will have a little fun. I make it into the water after a lot of hesitation, but I keep thinking about what is going to happen that afternoon.
Nicole works midnights so she is in bed when I get there but she told me before to let myself in and come to her room. I walk in and lay down with her and just hold her the rest of the day until she has to get up. It is such a nice afternoon. We don't do anything sexual that day, though she does try when she wakes up, but we just don't have enough time.
Throughout that summer, Nicole and I kiss and make out as often as we can. I am happy that we are together, but I am miserable because I have to keep everything a secret. I should have been the happiest I have ever been because I am with her, the person I truly and fully love. Instead I start going back into a depression and start crying almost every week because of it. Nicole and I would talk about the future and how we would be together. Then we would talk and she would say she is staying with her husband. I never know what is going on. I break down a few times in front of her and each time she keeps away from me for a week to give me time to collect myself. It is a horrible summer and through it all Mom and I argue about what is going on.
In August Nicole decides to move to an apartment at the north end of town. This is right after one of my break downs and she calls me a few days later and tells me she is moving. This is the same day that George W. came through town. It is probably best that I stayed home that day. I may have wound up in a federal prison for egging his bus or something like that. The only reason Nicole really calls me to let me know is because she needs help moving. The house she is in belonged to her grandmother, who died a few months before Nicole moved back here. Her uncle is in charge of the house and said he would let her out of her contract that ran for another month as long as she was out by the last day of August so he could show it. Again, I am there for her through the entire move, helping pack up, clean, move her stuff, everything. I am still suffering from my surgery because the nerves haven't healed properly. I wear myself out helping her get everything moved in just under two weeks and just as the pain was starting to subside, I aggravate it and am in constant pain again. She doesn't have everything out on Sunday, so when she goes to work, I get the key from her mom and go back to her house, clear everything out, sweep the floors, finish cleaning the walls, and get her out in time.
I'd quit smoking after my surgery, but I start again when I go to Virginia with Nicole in September for a court appearance for a speeding ticket, and then to North Carolina to visit her aunt. Her husband comes up from one of the Navy bases to see their daughter. I really hate the guy for the way he is treating the woman I love more than anything in the world. Later that month, the day Chiang is to leave Virginia to come up here for their divorce hearing, he gets word that he is going to get his citizenship so he gets his papers before coming up here. Up until that day, he has been telling Nicole how much he still loves her and doesn't want the divorce and wants to try and work things out. Well, when he gets here, he tells her that they could never work things out and he wants to go on with the divorce. I love it because I had told her from the very beginning all he wanted was his citizenship and she had said unequivocally that he really loved her. It is just too coincidental that the day he gets his papers is the day he decides to go through with the divorce.
Since my business program was getting into the higher math requirements again, I switch into computers that fall and I meet Gary, a post secondary high school student in my geology class. A post secondary high school student is one who takes college classes during high school and can have an associate degree by the time he graduates from high school. I really wish I had done that. Gary is my typical dorky-looking crush. He is sixteen, about 5'7", with shaggy brown hair and a nose like I have never seen. It isn't big, but it is very ethnic looking, Jewish I think. He and I would make fun of people in the class together. I have a real history of making fun of people, not that I am a real looker. Gary and I also sit next to each other in the lab and always work together. He is another one that I thought I might have a chance with because of the way he acts. I usually have a very good gaydar. I knew my cousin was a lesbian twenty years before she did. So I ask Gary to go to Cedar Point, but we never go and nothing materializes between us, though he does give me fresh jerk off material.
The Chicken Hawk from Shell stills tries to get in contact with me now and then. I see him at the September county fair while I am walking around with Nicole and her daughter. He is a real drama queen, very overly expressive with everything he does. He stops dead in his tracks, turns around and watches me walk past with this look on his face. He probably thought that I was with my wife and daughter. I really ham it up too as I walk past by picking up Nicole's little girl and kissing her and carrying her and laughing with Nicole and acting like a family. I want him to see what he could never have, and with the matter settled between Chiang and Nicole, what I am hoping to have.
The first time we do have sex in Nicole's new apartment is the last time. We had just finished getting everything set and unpacked and we were lying on the couch watching a movie. We start kissing and one thing leads to another and we wind up in her bedroom. This time it lasts about three hours. Right after, she gets up and takes a shower. When she comes back, we lay talking for a while and right out of the blue she says that she isn't interested in having a relationship with me. That about kills me and I'm so in shock and so hurt I don't say anything. A few days later, she says something to me about cutting me off from sex. I almost have to laugh because she is the only one getting any real pleasure from it.
It is right around this time that I start cutting. I'd first heard about cutting on the 2000 Lifetime channel movie "Secret Cutting" about a girl who cuts to help with the pain of life. There were episodes about it on "Seventh Heaven" and "Degrassi" also, and there was an outbreak at our school. I never understood how people could get to that point of depression and pain that they would injure themselves. Well, I found out. I am in a lot of pain and not really in my right mind set and one day I'm thinking about those shows and I just decide to try it. That's me, try anything once. The pain gives me a rush, a rush I need to get through the pain of seeing Nicole every day and not being able to do anything with her. So, I do it again, and again, and again. I use anything I can find, a knife, a pop can tab, fingernail clippers. Just a small cut now and then, nothing too deep, but eventually I run out of room on my shoulders to cut. I only do it for that week and then stop as suddenly as I'd begun. It really helps me grow as a person though, and now I understand what these kids who cut themselves seriously are going through. I have done a lot of research on the subject and I think I have a unique insight on the topic.
One of the physiotherapists suggests I go out and walk or ride my bike a few times a week. So I take her advice and get the bike down from the rafters in the garage and go out a few times a week, riding about five miles up to the park and home. Eric comes over a few times and he goes out with me. I stick to my normal five mile route and we stop at the park to get a drink and then continue home. Eric has really been growing lately. He has always looked like a little pixie or fairy or something like that. Now, at the age of twelve, he is about 5'9", 160 pounds, pretty solid and strong, with dark brown hair and glasses, though he usually wears contacts. He has a birth mark, just a dark spot, on his lower stomach just below where his pants stop. He is strong, but I am always able to get the upper hand on him when we wrestle, which drives him crazy. I think he is stronger then me, but I am very agile and can get out of any move he puts on me.
The first night, when we get home, I am left to watch him because mom and dad have gone to a store. While we are sitting in the living room, I think watching my Freddy vs. Jason DVD which has a scene in which the woman is topless, I mention to him that if he has any questions about growing up, girls, sex, anything that he may be too embarrassed to ask his parents about, he can ask me and I won't make fun of him or tell his parents if he doesn't want me too. When the movie is over, he starts asking me if I have a porno collection. I tell him that I don't have any, but he doesn't believe me and keeps probing. I finally tell him that I have tapes and magazines, but they are guarded under a lock and key, which they are, and he isn't going to get to them.
Well, he goes into my room and starts looking around and figures out which chesser they are in and keeps asking me to get them out. I tell him no and that he is too young and I am not going to be responsible for the corruption of a minor. Personally, I don't care, which I guess is no surprise considering my history. I think it is a very stupid law. Anyway, he says "fine, you probably only have gay movies anyway." Little does he know how close he is!
When he goes back into the living room, I open the case and move the gay tapes to my other chesser. When he returns, I tell him he can look at the magazines, but that is all. He starts flipping through them and then starts looking at some of the movie covers. He asks if I would put one in, and after a bit of persuading, I finally agree to play one for one minute, and that is all. The minute is up and he says it was pretty boring and showed too much dick and not enough pussy and tits.
A few weeks later, he comes to spend the night again. When my parents go to bed, he comes into my room and asks if he can see another movie. I say sure and open the chesser and let him pick a movie. I have to go into the living room to put the movie in because I only have one VCR and it is connected to the TV in the living room. I have a splitter that leads into my room and both TVs can play the same thing, whether it is cable or tape. I have a powermid in my room that transmits the remote control into another room, so I can just point my remote at the TV and it will work. I sit in my computer chair while he sits on my bed watching the TV. I make mention that if he wants to "let off some steam" as I motion the universal sign for jacking off, to feel welcome to go ahead. He says no and after changing the tape a few times, he gets bored and goes to bed and I do the same.
Another few weeks go by and he comes to spend the night again. This is at the time when my Compaq computer dies and I move to using my laptop. It is sitting at the foot of my bed on a small table and all I have to do is adjust my head and I can lay in bed and be on the computer. I always sleep with my head at what would normally be the foot of the bed because it is pointed toward the south and I sleep much better with my head pointing south, always have. I've also noticed I seem to have more out of body experiences with my head pointing south. Several times I have "bumped" into the ceiling. The last time it happened, I was able to make it out to the kitchen and interact with Buster, one of our dogs. I asked Mom about it later and she said that he had been acting weird right around the same time it would have been happening. I have only been able to control it a few times, but it is pretty cool. I am trying to get myself focused so I can control when these happen and where I go.
Anyway, that night, he is telling me about all the sex he is supposedly having with girls at school. I know most if not all of what he tells me is probably totally made up, but I just let him talk and let him know that I am here for him to confide in. We have always had a brotherly type of relationship. I ask if he is at least using condoms or something to prevent pregnancy and disease. He says that he does sometimes and he doesn't other times. I tell him that he should always use a condom and ask if he has any. He says no and I tell him that I have some that he can have if they fit him, if he wants them. Around 11:30, my dad starts his bath, mom is up in bed, and Eric and I are surfing the news groups for porn. He goes out to check on what dad is doing and grab a pop and when he comes back in, he asks me for the condom so he can try it on. I hand it to him and he starts going out into the living room. I ask what he is doing and he says he is going out to try it on. I persuade him to try it on in my room since my door has a lock on it. He agrees that this is a much better idea and comes back into my room. He sits at the foot of my bed and starts undoing his pants. He pulls his dick out and he is half hard. It is a pretty good sized dick for a twelve-year-old. I'm surprised to see he has no hairs. He tries to put the condom on and it wouldn't go. He sets it down and starts stroking to get himself all the way hard.
By this time I am about busting my pants open I am so hard. He is still having problems so I ask if he wants me to show him how it is done. He says no and that he can do it. He tries a few more times and still can't get it so I finally grab another condom, take my dick out, and show him how to check which side rolls and how to roll it down over the dick. He finally gets it, but it is too big for him.
We sit and start watching another movie. He has put his dick away and so have I, but I want to jack off with him, or at least in front of him. I ask him if he is circumcised, knowing full well that he is and that he would probably not know what that means. I start to explain it to him and then finally say to just pull his pants down and I would show him. I point out where the circumcision scar is and tell him that he is cut like me. I also mention about his smooth pubes, and he explains that some of the guys in his class had dared him to shave them, and he had. He of course asks about mine, and I explain that I'd been shaving myself for a while, because I liked how it felt. I tell him that I am really horny and have to get off and ask if he minds me doing it with him there. He says to go ahead so I pull it out, slip on the condom, and go for it. After a bit I'm not getting anywhere so I take off the condom and do it raw.
About ten minutes later, I am still going at it and he asks if I am almost done. I tell him that it is weird being the only one out and stroking and he asks if I want him to join me. I say it is up to him. He gets up and goes to the bathroom and when he gets back, he gets into his position at the corner of my bed and pulls his dick out and starts jerking with me. I love the sight of it and cream in the towel I brought into the room with me within five minutes. He keeps going for a while, but stops a few minutes later because his arm is tired and he isn't feeling anything. When he leaves my room, I pull out and go for it again, this time using the condom that he used on his dick. The idea of his dick having been where mine is now has me shooting a second time and just as powerfully.
The next day, he is in my room looking at some porn on the computer and playing one of my Gamecube games. He mentions that he is going to go out for a bike ride and I tell him that if he waits I would come with him, but I need to get off again, hoping he would join in again. To my disappointment he says to hurry up and he will be outside. I stroke off a pretty fast load and then go out on a bike ride with him.
In mid-October Nicole's friend dies. I am there for her every single day, holding her while she cries, and I watch her daughter while she goes to Texas for the funeral. When she returns, she starts talking about this doctor that she works with that wants to take her out and she is so interested in him. Then she meets a guy that lives in her apartment complex and they hit it off really well watching movies and whatnot. I can tell she is really interested in him too. I find out that they were kissing the one night and he gave her a hickey, and that she didn't want me to come around for a week until it went away. I bring up her interest in these guys and why she figures things can't work between us, but she will not admit that she has any sexual interest in them and she starts making up blatantly ridiculous excuses about us.
In November, she starts talking to an old college friend who is married to another one of Nicole's friends. They are having problems too and have been going through a divorce for quite some time. In December, he and Nicole become an official couple even though he is still married. Her friend is ok with their arrangement at first but then she gets pissed about it and tells Nicole where to go.
I finally start realizing Nicole and I wouldn't be getting together and I get totally smashed on Southern Comfort, close to an entire fifth. She calls me that night on her lunch break and I just tear into her telling her how much I love her and how much I hate her for what she is doing to me. I tell her I'm not going to let her do it to me anymore. I cut two times that night, once on each arm, rather deeply. Those are the only two that scar and I now have the memory of that night every time I look at my shoulders.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel.
The next time Eric spends the night, his stepbrother comes too, the second youngest of my new sister-in-law's kids by her former husband. The boy is around seven, blond hair, very thin. I go in the house before my mom and the kids when we come back from dinner and run to the bathroom to pee. As soon as I flush the toilet the boy is knocking on the door saying that he had to really go too. I tell him I have to wash my hands but he can come in if he wants to, which he does, really having to go. We have a good sized mirror on the wall above the sink and while I'm washing my hands I look in the mirror and check him out. It is average for that age I guess, small but cute.
I had gotten a few new games from a store right next to the restaurant we had eaten at, two wrestling games and BMX-XXX. That game has a lot of nudity in it if you can unlock the right menus. The young boy is sitting and playing with us and Eric tells him that he better not tell anyone or he would regret it. After watching a few of the videos, Eric says to the little guy that there is a lot more he can see and he starts to open my laptop. I tell him no, definitely not, and to wait until his stepbrother goes to bed and then we can watch and do whatever he wants.
The boy goes to bed and Eric goes to my chesser and then to my laptop. I get us two towels and we both take our dicks out and start stroking. Again, I come and he doesn't. I am not sure why he can't. I would love to see him shoot.
The next time Eric spends the night is after I get my new desktop so it is late December and it is just he and I again. He goes right to my computer and starts looking at and downloading porn. He says he wants to watch one of the movies and I open the case for him and let him pick one out. I had gotten a VCR/DVD player for Christmas and it is in my room, so we don't have to go out to change tapes. The sheets weren't on my bed at the time and Eric says he is horny and needs to get off. I tell him to help me get the sheets on, and then he can do whatever he wants. It is a pain in the ass getting the sheets on and seems doubly troublesome with my anticipation of watching him jacking his young dick off and shooting off a load. I tell him that I am going to do it too and he sits in the spot I normally sit so I have to get in the corner where he normally sits. That is fine by me because I can easily watch him jerking and watch the tape at the same time.
He challenges me to a contest to see who can shoot first. I beat him and he continues for a bit more but can't shoot. While I'd been doing it I'd licked the pre-cum from my fingers, and after I shoot in the towel, I lick the bit of cum left on my jerking hand off while he continues jerking. He says that is gross, but I can tell he is interested in what it is like and I'm sure he's tried it in private since then. We go outside afterwards, around two a.m., so I can have a cigarette and while we are standing there he says he has to piss. I tell him to go in and piss but he just whips it out and pisses on the bush outside our back door. I am a little surprised he does that with us living right in town, but it is so late he probably figured no one would know.
One day I am in Canton with Mom and we go into a pet store. She buys two Emerald Swifts, ugly little lizard things. While I am waiting for her, I look in some of the other cages and I see three Ball Pythons on sale for $35 a piece, normally $50. One comes right to the front of the cage when it sees me and just will not settle down. I tell Mom and she says she is not having a snake in her house. Well, we go back a few days later and the same thing happens, the snake coming right up to the front and not settling down until I walk away. I start thinking about it and really start pushing Mom into letting me get it. This is right when I started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on television, so I start calling the snake Willow after Alyson Hannigan's character.
We go back toward the end of the month and Mom finally gives in. A woman had just bought one of them so there were two left, Willow and another one that clung to her. Mom tries everything she can to get me to forget about them. First she says if I could find a twenty-gallon tank that I could get Willow. She doesn't think we had one, but I find one in the garage. Then she says that I couldn't just get Willow and leave the other one all alone, I guess thinking that I wouldn't want to spend the money or take care of two snakes. Actually I have never liked snakes and never figured I would have one. I didn't think I would be able to feed them a poor little mouse every week.
Well, I say sure, it would be nice for Willow to have a friend. So we go and pick them up that night and they have been sitting next to me at the computer ever since.
I name the other one Tara, after Willow's lesbian witch lover on Buffy. Willow is the nicest snake you would ever want to meet. She climbs up my sleeves, goes up my face and sits in my hair. She just loves to be on me. Tara on the other hand is a bit of a bitch and a little slow in the head. She tries to bite me every chance she gets and has drawn blood several times. Nothing serious. She has a real problem catching her mice too. I put Willow and Tara in separate cages to feed them to make sure each one gets food and Tara runs her head into the side about six times before she connects.
The arrival of Willow and Tara means a bit of rearranging of my room. Like I've already mentioned, when I started working at Spencer's I started getting posters, the Lava lamps, the glowing electro balls, different lights and fountains, and all sorts of shit. One of my favorite posters is a LED print Dogs Playing Pool with about six dogs that look like bulldogs around a pool table watching one getting ready for a shot. The lights above the table have LEDs in them and I think the table has a few also. I love the look of the LED prints and they give a nice soft light with the main room lights off. I know there is a ton of those dog pictures and I'd like to get every one of them. Two other LED prints I have are a black and white picture of the Twin Towers as seen from under the Brooklyn Bridge, and the Lighthouse. I have a neon pink clock, a few black light posters (a dragon, a frog playing a recorder, and a mouse, frog, and some snakes smoking from a bong), and I also have a print of Van Gogh's Starry Night, one of Monet's Water Lily's and of course, the squirrel with the big nuts hanging down with "Hello Ladies!" written under it. Again, I have to have a few tacky things, kind of like my pink flamingo collection. I love flamingos and I buy everything I can with flamingos on it, like a neon yard flamingo, flamingo rice paper lamps, towels, figurines, bath sponges, anything I can. Mom won't let me put them in the yard though. The shelves I made myself and that Dad and I put up have 800+ Beanie Babies, stuffed animals, and 14 feet of drinking glasses, flasks, shot glasses, shakers, tumblers, and anything else to do with alcohol. On top of that are my CDs and DVDs. If it sounds like a mess, you're right. My rooms have always been messy.
The only place we could bring up the cable for my Internet is by the side window. I wish my bed were in front of the window. I used to love watching the kids across the street when I was upstairs. I have moved the chessers, which I used to keep my cigarettes in but which I now use to store my porn, one next to the bed so Kookie can get up by herself (it is a very tall bed and she is a very short and plump dog) and the other is in front of the rack in front of the window. I have boxes of magazines and school books, a few spare blankets, and of course my babies, my two snakes. I move them into a fifty-gallon tank a few weeks after I got them and have it set up all nice for them with a tunnel and a log they can crawl on. They didn't like the way I had it set up initially and kept me up most of the night tearing things up and rearranging. The worst part is sleeping bathed in a bright red heat light that I have to keep on them.
I am now trying to talk Mom into letting me get a Columbian Red Tail Boa, but she is standing firm against it. I found a place where I could mail order one and get it the next day. I figure there is nothing she can do if it winds up on our doorstep some day. I also want to go through the training and become certified for venomous snakes some day. Well, next year is another year!