Jc and the Actor

JC and the Actor, Chapter 31, Copyright 2004

The following story is entirely a work of fiction. It is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality or the personal lives of the members of NSYNC, or any other celebrities mentioned. If you are underage, or if it is illegal to read sexually explicit gay material where you live, don't read this.

Hello again to everyone. I apologize for the delay in posting, but I hope you all enjoy the 31st installment of this series. Please continue to send your thoughts, comments and criticisms to mzbryan2003@yahoo.com

Chapter 31

There are times when you think you have it all. Those times can be both the happiest and the scariest. If you have everything, what else can you get? In other words, what else is there to look forward to? That was how I had felt months ago, when it became apparent that I was going to have everything I ever wanted. Fame. Respect. Love. Wealth. Admiration. As someone who had spent each year of his life trying to top the year before, it was unsettling to say the least. In order to rid myself of this unsettling feeling, I nearly destroyed what might be the best relationship I had ever had. Suddenly, having it all did not seem so bad, as I realized that even if you have everything, if you take out the most important thing - the love - it is all worth very little.

And so I learned to accept that I did have it all, and I now knew that I wanted to keep it. When my knee would brush his leg at night, when I realized who I would be seeing at the end of the day, there were no more doubts. There was no more confusion.

It was around six when my cell phone started to ring. I had programmed the ring tone to play a small part of the bridge to "Blowin' Me Up," just to see the look of embarrassment that would wash over JC's face every time it played when we were in public together. The sound was coming from JC's side of the bed, and I had to reach over him to find it, arriving in a seated position on his upper legs. He was pretending to still be asleep, but quickly started to squirm when I lightly tickled his bare stomach with my hand.

"Hello?" I said into the phone, laughing when JC grabbed me firmly by the wrist to stop me from tickling him. "Hey there Allen," I said, wondering if had forgotten about the difference in time zones.

"Um," Allen said. "Did you forget what today was?" he said.

"I guess so," I said, pulling my hand free from JC's grasp and immediately trying to tickle him again.

"Nathan, the Tony Award nominations were announced this morning," he said, apparently shocked that I could have forgotten. Actually, I couldn't believe that I had forgotten, but LA often did feel like another planet. "You know," he laughed. "The highest award an American stage actor can get?" JC noticed my eyes bugging at of my head and propped himself up on his elbows, wondering what was going on.

"Allen," I said quietly, knowing what he was about to say. "How did it go?"

Allen laughed. "Did you really doubt that you would get nominated?"

"Wow," I said, the excitement building so quickly inside me I didn't know what to do with myself. I had expected to get a nomination, but knowing that it had actually happened was a totally different feeling. I had won a few awards in college and for a couple of Off-Broadway productions, but this was the big time. This was Broadway.

I told Allen that I would have to call him back later on, quickly closing the phone and looking down at my very inquisitive looking boyfriend. "I was nominated for a Tony Award," I said, covering my mouth with my hands.

"Oh my God," JC said, sitting up, causing me to shift further down him. I started to laugh, cupping his face in my hands and leaning down to kiss him. "Congratulations," he laughed through my kisses, falling back down onto the pillows. Our lips parted and I locked my arms on either side of him, stretching my naked body the length of his own.

"Didn't you write a song about not being able to have everything you want?" I asked, locking my eyes with his own. He nodded affirmatively. "Well," I shook my head. "I think you might be wrong about that," I smiled, laying myself on top of him and kissing him again.

"You know," JC began after kissing for a while. "I've never made love to a Tony nominee before." He smiled, wrapping his arms around my back and pulling me tightly to him.

"Do you want to now?" I asked, already feeling my erection press against his.

"Yes please," he said, resuming our kissing session. I pressed my body hard against his, feeling my cock slide across his stomach, brushing up against his own. Slowly we began a rhythm, our hips moving together, our cocks overlapping and wetting our stomachs. Slowly I brought his hands over his head, lowering my head to kiss his neck and smell his scent. His underarms were currently as smooth as the rest of him, and I moved back and forth between them, kissing and licking.

JC sighed softly, enjoying my playful restraint. He whimpered as my head moved lower, biting his smooth, round nipples, licking up and down the faint line between his pecs before traveling back up him to kiss his lips once again.

We kissed hard, with increasing urgency. Our cocks were rock hard, poking each other as JC began to bend his knees, pulling his legs up my sides, causing me to slide down in between them. He started moving his hips more quickly, and our balls began to lightly slap against each other as his pace continued to quicken.

"Nate," he panted, his voice sounding rushed. "Put it in me now." Loving the sound of those words, I took my right hand and reached a finger down to his hole, feeling the tiny ridges, noticing that it felt warm, slick and inviting. I was leaking like a faucet and was pretty sure that he could accept me easily at this point.

JC pulled his knees closer toward his chest as I slid down his body just enough to get myself into position. "Come on baby," JC cooed. "Give it to me." I pushed forward, feeling JC's hole envelop me. After feeling the familiar "pop," I moved forward, his warmth surrounding my pole. I was groaning with an urgency of my own as I quickly began to rock my hips, so turned on, my cock tapping his prostate, causing JC to whimper in ecstasy.

"You feel so good, Josh," I sighed, fucking his hole. His cock was hard against his tight stomach, and leaking profusely. I was still holding his hands above his head, but I let one of them go and he quickly wrapped it around his sweaty pole, tugging on it like he might tear it off.

"Oh...oohhh," he moaned, pounding his meet while I pounded his ass. "I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum so hard." As far as I was concerned, JC could read stereo instructions and I would find it sexy. Hearing him talk dirty sent me through the roof. Watching him near the brink, I moved one of my hands between his legs, squeezing his smooth balls and pressing hard against the flesh between them and his ass, ensuring that he would be receiving maximum pleasure. "Oh fuck," he cried. "OH FUCK!!!" He actually screamed out loud, his back arching and thick ropes of cum shooting out of his huge cock, covering his chest and stomach. "Nate, I...I...ahhhh!!!" he shuddered again, another orgasm ripping through him. In all of JC's excitement, I had almost forgotten to cum myself, but after his second orgasm, I let out a loud groan and began dumping my load inside him, feeling his hole become more slick, nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck. Things began to calm down after that. I let go of his hand and tucked my strong arms under his back, feeling his sinewy arms tighten around my back as well. Reluctantly, I slowly slid out him, resting on top of him. We kissed briefly, and I could tell that we both were on the verge of drifting off to sleep.

"Imagine what it will be like if I win," I laughed, kissing his broad nose before settling back down on him. It was almost time to get to work, but I figured the production could wait a little bit this morning, in light of my good news.

"I will look forward to that," he said, smiling and closing his eyes.

I arrived on the set to find a bunch of flowers in my dressing room, congratulating me for my nomination. I hadn't connected with the people in this production on the same level as I had for my last film and my other plays, so their gesture was very appreciated. Truth be told, I was disappointed in my performance in this movie. I didn't have the concentration I had brought to all of my other roles, largely because I was focusing more on my relationship with JC. It wasn't that I wasn't doing good work, it was just that I didn't feel that familiar spark inside myself, that love of my art. I had never gone this long without doing a play and realized that I missed it. It was like all actors say. Film was a director's medium. Theater was an actor's. The temptation of becoming a movie star was a powerful one. The heavy promotion that my last film was getting was surely going to make me a household name. Did I really just want to walk away from all that?

Movie and theater scripts were being sent to me almost on a daily basis. The studio I was working for wanted me to sign a contract for three more films over the next five years. Two or three more movies and I could probably guarantee that I would never have to work again to support myself in the lifestyle I wanted. It was funny I guess, but I never contemplated JC's money in my future, and I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. I continued to think about what decisions were best for me and my career, assuming that if JC truly loved me, he would support any decision I might make.

It was very unlikely that there would be another NSYNC album, though the group would probably speak of one for the next couple of years. Chris was in his thirties. Joey had a kid. There was only so long people would want to see five grown men sing and dance in unison. I predicted that JC might try to put out another solo album, but he could certainly write anywhere, and I didn't know if his audience would ever be big enough to launch a huge tour. It was a shame really. Despite my belief that he really was talented and that his solo work was excellent, I often wondered why he would risk not being successful in something when he had been part of one of the most successful pop groups of all time. Sure Justin became a superstar, but NSYNC only was what it was because of all the guys, and so I didn't think it was fair for people not to consider that success as belonging to JC.

He had already made and would continue to make more money than I would ever see, yet I still wondered if I was nuts to buy an apartment worth one million dollars. A sinister voice in my head told me that it was because I didn't see JC in my future, but I refused to listen to it, sure that there was no basis to feel that way. I made decisions the way I did because, for better or for worse, I always put myself first. It was never at the expense of someone else, but I felt like my life was extremely important, and most of the people around me agreed.

When JC came back to me, he made it clear that he was going to take the effort to keep us together. I took that as recognition that my career was just beginning and that he wanted me to have all the success that he had. Still, I always referred to his house in LA as "his," and I often called Nate Berkus to check on the status of "my" apartment. Occasionally I would start to wonder how we would ever formalize our relationship - how we would make everything "ours" - but it was a topic we didn't discuss. Once my first film came out I would basically be living under a microscope, at least for a while. I knew it was going to have some effect on our relationship, though I didn't know what that would be.

Would I come out and hope that I would still be offered film roles? Would I try to make the world think JC and I were just best friends? Pictures of us occasionally appeared in US magazine or some other tabloid, so I knew that people were already speculating. JC didn't seem particularly bothered by it. He figured that as long as you don't say one thing or the other, you can pretty much do what you want. Constantly singing songs about having sex with girls didn't hurt either, and worked a nice contrast to pictures of us in baseball hats, walking out of Starbucks.

Having a recognizable face made me realize a few things. I had always loved the attention I received on stage. I loved the standing ovations, the flowers and the glowing reviews. I loved doing photo shoots, magazine layouts and interviews. What I realized I hated was being stopped on the street for autographs. I hated being gawked at and feeling like I wasn't free to walk around by myself. More and more frequently, one of JC's bodyguards would have to accompany when I went out, and I didn't know how much longer I could take it. Before all of this started to happen, I would have thought I would have loved the attention, but now I just wanted it to go away, and whenever I started to feel overwhelmed, I turned back to the theater scripts that were being sent to me.

Christine, my co-star and an actress from Chicago, knocked on my dressing room door, calling my name. "Come on in," I called, putting down a congratulatory note my friend Maggie had sent me. I hadn't expected Maggie to become one of my best friends, but now I missed her something awful. Christine came in, congratulated me, and proceeded to express her issues with today's script changes. She spoke very quickly, always with a bit more emotion than was necessary to the conversation. Throughout filming she had pretty much been a nervous wreck, and had basically turned me into her drama coach. I was happy to do it because I knew it would produce a better result on film, but I would have been even happier if she could have just acted all on her own.

We proceeded to film about ten seconds of a scene before cutting to readjust the lighting and do a bunch of other things. This was the movie business. Act for a couple of minutes, and then sit around for a few hours. Around lunchtime I headed back to my dressing room, eager to check my messages and see who else wanted to congratulate me. There were messages from Edward, my parents and another message from Allen. There were also a couple of messages from my friend Elaine, whom I had not spoken to in quite some time. I called Allen back since I had left him hanging earlier in the morning. He proceeded to give me even more great news when he told me that I had been asked to host the season finale of "Saturday Night Live" in May. It would coincide perfectly with the release of my film, and let the whole world know that I was on the scene. It was one of those things I had secretly always hoped to do someday, and I yelped with excitement, already imagining the funny kind of skits I would end up doing. Allen told me that with my nomination and all the buzz surrounding the film, the studio was going to spend an unprecedented amount of money on advertising and publicity, believing that this would be their big summer movie. I had yet to see a final version of it, but I knew there was great potential for it to do very well. After all, I was shirtless for a good percentage of it.

After calling back my family it was time to go back to the set, so Elaine would have to wait for a callback. I realized that it was probably rude that I hadn't seen her in all of this time since she lived in LA, but it wasn't exactly like I had a lot of time on my hands. Besides, I was sure she was just calling to congratulate me.

We wrapped pretty early that day, and so I was back at JC's house by three in the afternoon. To my surprise there were two more messages from Elaine, and I started to wonder if she was perhaps calling for another reason.

"Elaine," I said cheerfully into the phone. "It's been quite a while."

"I know," she said. She was trying to sound cheerful as well, but I could tell that she was exasperated. We exchanged pleasantries for a bit, and I was quite humbled when I realized she actually had no idea about my nomination. After a few minutes, she said, "So listen, um, I talked to Morris and he told me that you were here in LA working on a film."

"That's correct," I said, feeling very guilty for not saying something sooner.

"Do you think it would be possible for us to get together today? I really need to talk to you. It's pretty important."

"Is everything ok?" I asked, suddenly very concerned. "Are you alright?" Elaine had been one of my best friends all through college, and really the only reason we had lost touch was because she moved to the West Coast to be a dancer right after graduation.

"I'm fine," she said. "We just need to talk."

"Ok," I said. I told her I was staying with a friend and gave her JC's address. It seemed to be a little too much information to add to our short phone conversation that I was dating a huge pop star. Elaine said she would be over as soon as she could. I closed the phone, concerned, but refusing to speculate. She said that she was fine, so I would resist getting all worked up over something that was probably nothing.

Trying to think of someway to busy myself, having received most of my congratulations, I wandered into the study, and began flipping through JC's CD collection. JC was not home, making me wonder once again what it was that he did during the day. Since I kind of wished he were here, I decided to put his own CD on, turning up the volume and walking around the room, curious to see if there were parts of it I had yet to notice. As was inevitable whenever I heard a good base line, I was soon dancing around the room, foolishly attempting to imitate some of JC's moves. After completing a rather dizzying spin, I looked up to see JC staring at me, his arms folded across his chest. I immediately screamed like a girl with embarrassment, dropping to the floor, hoping that I would sink into it.

"Having fun?" JC laughed, walking toward me.

"I was," I said miserably, staring at the floor.

"So this is what you do when you get home early?" he said, not wanting to relieve my humiliation.

"Sometimes." He reached his hand out to help me up. Reluctantly I grasped it, raising myself up in front of him, staring down at JC's face. "What?" I asked, noticing the smirk on his face.

"Nothing," he said, looking up at me. "I just wish you weren't taller than me." He laughed as I surrounded him with my larger arms.

"You love it," I laughed back, kissing his sweet lips.

"So you like my music?" he asked sarcastically.

"It was a great album, Josh," I said seriously. "Great for having sex too," I said realizing almost immediately that I shouldn't have said since he wasn't the person I was having sex with when his album came out. "Sorry," I said, shaking my head.

"It's ok," he said. "I can deal with the fact that you had sex with your ex-boyfriend."

"But you were a virgin when we met, right?" I laughed.

"Yeah," he said, rolling his eyes. "Sure." He paused for a moment, just looking into my eyes. "Oh, so listen," he began. "I have some pretty good news myself." He broke our embrace and walked over to the stereo to lower the volume.

"What is it?" I asked, always in the mood for more good news.

"The group was just asked to be the musical guest for the season finale of 'Saturday Night Live'," he smiled.

"Wow," I said, kind of laughing, kind of feeling bad that I had news to top it.

"What?" he asked immediately, wondering why my reaction was strange.

"Nothing," I said. "That's great. It's just that, well, I was just asked this afternoon to host the last episode."

"Oh my God," he said, looking completely delighted. "That is awesome. We are all going to do it together. Maybe we can all be in a skit together."

"God," I laughed. "The public is going to think we are joined at the hip."

"Well," he sighed, batting his eyes at me. "This is great Nate. It's going to be great. You know, the show is a lot of fun to do."

"I'm so excited about it," I said, watching JC head toward the door. "Where are you going?"

"I've had this beat in my head all day," he said. "I just want to lay it down before I forget it."

"Ok," I said. "An old friend of my is stopping by in a few minutes."

"Cool," he said. "I'll be in the studio."

JC went downstairs while I went upstairs to change. Under normal circumstances I would have been happy to see Elaine, but her tone was worrying me. A few minutes later her voice came through the intercom, and I opened the gates, allowing her to pull into the driveway. I came out to greet her and was shocked to see what she was holding in her arms.

"What is that?" I called, rushing over to her.

"It's a baby, stupid," she laughed, walking over to me. She was looking around at the house, most likely wondering why I was staying here. I kissed her hello and immediately asked her when all of this happened.

"She's three months old," she said, her bright blue eyes staring at me. Elaine was my age but was blessed with the gift of permanently looking like she was nineteen. "Her name is Madeline." I made a gesture that asked if I could hold the baby, and she gladly handed it over. "Ugh," she sighed. "I think she weighs almost as much as I do." I looked down at the baby, a picture of perfection, large blue eyes and a tiny heart-shaped mouth.

"How could you not tell me you were having a baby?" I asked, clutching Madeline to my chest.

"I don't know," Elaine said. "Everything has been so hectic for the past year, and we haven't really been in touch."

"I know," I said, sadly. "Now I really feel terrible about that. I mean, this is kind of a big deal."

Elaine surveyed the property again. "Nathan, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, this is my boyfriend's place," I said, realizing that I made the statement with a certain sense of pride. Still, it seemed almost like bragging to just come out and say who he was.

"Well, well," she smiled. "Looks like you snagged yourself a rich one." I escorted her inside to the living room, still carrying the baby, who seemed quite content in my arms. I had never really been around babies, but was happy to see that at least this one seemed comfortable around me. We sat down and started to talk. It quickly became apparent to me that Elaine was not married, and she made no reference to a boyfriend, so I assumed that she was raising Madeline by herself. Her straight blond hair hung nicely around her face, and I figured that she must have resumed dancing right after the baby came because her shape was as beautiful as always.

In the early years after college, Elaine had danced for a ballet company in LA. After that she had appeared in a few stage productions, and even went on tour with Janet Jackson. Ballet would always be her first love, but she prided herself on being an incredible performer in all areas of dance.

"So I take it you haven't been doing much dancing lately," I smiled, noticing that Madeline had fallen asleep in my arms. I had an irresistible desire to bite her tiny clenched hands, but figured that I shouldn't.

"I was just offered a full-time job in Vegas," Elaine said, "dancing in one of those big nightly spectacles at the MGM."

"Wow, are you going to do it?" I asked, not sure if that was a good thing for a dancer to be doing.

"Well, they offered me a lot of money surprisingly," she began. "Plus, I would only have to work for a few hours at night which would let me spend the day with Madeline."

"But would you want to live in Las Vegas?"

"There's nothing really keeping me here anymore," she said, looking a bit sad. The idea of raising a child in Las Vegas seemed somewhat bizarre to me, but I figured if Celine Dion was doing it, it must be ok.

"So is this what you wanted to discuss with me?" I asked, remembering the concern in her voice when she had called.

"No," she said. She was silent for a moment. "I needed to tell you that someone broke into my apartment last night."

"What?" I yelled. "Are you guys ok?"

"I'm fine," she said quickly. "We are fine. We weren't home when it happened."

"Oh thank God," I sighed, totally creeped out by the idea of someone entering my house. "So what is it then? Do you need a place to stay? You can totally stay here if you are afraid to go back?" Yes, I was offering JC's house without his permission, but I couldn't imagine he would mind under the circumstances.

"No, it's not that," she said. "It has more to do with you."

"Me?" I asked, lifting my eyebrows and squeezing them together. Madeline's little body jolted and I wondered if it was possible that she was having a bad dream.

"Nathan," Elaine began, "I don't know how much this is going to upset you, but do you remember that package you sent me last spring?" I had to think for half a second before I could feel all of the blood draining from my face. She was one of the people I had sent the compromising videotape of Lance to when I was worried he would try to ruin my relationship with JC. It suddenly sounded so stupid and poorly planned.

"Yes," I said reluctantly.

"Well, it's, uh, gone. They took it."

"They took it?" I gasped. "Why would they take it?"

"I kept it in a small firebox with my important papers. They must have thought there was something valuable in it."

"Oh, God, this is bad," I said, my heart starting to race. "This is really bad."

"I never opened it," she said. "Your letter said not to, but what was in it?"

"You might find out sooner than you think if we don't get it back," I said. I wondered if a house burglar had ever been caught in LA. There was always a chance that whoever had the tape might just throw it away, but what if they didn't? What if they watched it and recognized who was on the tape? Lance's life would be ruined and so would mine once Lance got a hold of me. And JC. JC would be hurt by proxy. I couldn't believe that my brain was once again swimming with thoughts of how I could keep JC. If the tape got out, Lance would most certainly tell JC that I was the reason, and after everything JC and I had been through, I really doubted that he would be willing to forgive one more thing.

"I filed a police report," Elaine added. "Maybe they will find my stuff, but I just thought you should know in case you have to take any action."

"I'm really sorry to have involved you in this," I said. "But the only way to prevent me from having a huge problem would be if we get the stuff back."

"Nathan, it wasn't something illegal, was it?"

"No, no," I assured her. "It's just something that could really hurt someone's reputation." I thought that I sounded like I was on a soap opera.

"Well, I just described it to the police as being a 'package,' so I wouldn't feel to hopeful about getting it back."

"God, this sucks so bad," I said, my stomach tying up in knots. I felt bad for so many people at the moment that I didn't know what to do. This was all my doing, but I only did what I thought was necessary at the time. It wasn't supposed to come back to haunt me.

"I'm sorry, Nathan," Elaine said. "It will be ok."

"I'm sorry," I countered. "This is something that happened to you. I shouldn't be making it all about me." I asked her what else had been taken and she was just about to answer when I heard JC call my name.

"We're in the living room," I called back, quickly looking back at Elaine. "That's Josh," I said to her. "Um, do you think you could not mention anything about the package?" I whispered.

"Of course," she said.

"Hey," JC said, noticing me from the hallway he was walking down. "You didn't tell me your friend was a baby."

"Funny," I said with feigned laughter. It was quite difficult to switch gears like this. "This is my new friend. My old friend is on the other couch." JC walked into the room, pushing his hair back and away from his face.

"Oh my God," I heard Elaine say. I turned to her to see her looking at JC with an expression of shock. I realized that I should have told her that he was a celebrity but became quite confused when I heard JC gasp with the same words. Both of them were looking at each other as though they were both ghosts, and I started to think that they must know each other.

"I knew this place looked familiar," she said standing up and walking toward the back of the couch. "God, I'm such an idiot for not recognizing it during the day."

"What?" I asked, very confused.

"I, um, I..." JC stuttered.

"What?" Elaine yelled back. "You meant to call me the next day but you just forgot?"

"I don't know what to say," JC said, looking more uncomfortable than I had ever seen him. He kept shifting his weight from side to side and I could tell he was having difficulty finding a place to put his hands.

"What's to say?" Elaine said. "I get it all now. You're gay and thought you might give the straight thing one last try with me."

I was surprisingly calm all of the sudden. I guess the human mind can only take so much stress before it just cracks and leaves you with a peaceful, yet somewhat lightheaded feeling. JC had turned his attention to me, but I couldn't read his face. He looked like he wanted help, but I didn't know what I could offer. As much as I could piece together, my boyfriend had had a one-night stand with someone who was not only one of my best friends, but also a woman; and had never spoken to her again.

"So you two know each other?" I said, realizing that the line was a bit funnier than it should have been.

"'Known' is too formal of a word," Elaine said. She glared back at JC. "Maybe you should have just left some cash by the nightstand."

"That's not fair," JC said, looking back at her.

"I know," Elaine said, shaking her head. "I'm a big girl and responsible for my own decisions."

I wasn't really listening to them anymore. My eyes had drifted back down to the little baby in my arms. Madeline's big eyes opened and she stared up at me, her little mouth opening in a yawn. It was like a light bulb suddenly shattered in my head, and I looked back at JC, who was now staring at the bundle in my arms as well.

"Um, Josh," I began. "When exactly did all of this happen?"

His eyes met mine. They had turned ice blue and his usually pink lips were white. "About a year ago," he said with a sound of defeat. He broke our eye contact and looked down at the floor. I looked back at Madeline, who I thought had just given me a smile.

I had to admit it. I was impressed with how many things could suck all at once.

To be continued