Warning: Okay, this is the obligatory part for me to say that if you aren't 18 (or 21 in some places) GO AWAY!!! I accept no responsibility at all should your mother walk in on you choking the chicken to this, this all you not me. So if you are under the ages I said before or are offended by M/M concepts (why are you on this site if you are?) then please leave.
This story in no way represents any of the true sexuality of any celebrity mentioned, or at least, to the best of my knowledge. Now what else, oh yeah the butt kissing when saying read the folllowing really cool stories, well I ain't done it in past chapters (yeah I know there's only been two) but I'm gonna do it this time:
Justin's Dark Angel - what can I say, a supernatural fanfiction type thingy, but it still goes off.
Garden of Songs - the shameless self-promotion thing got to me. You know how it is :o) That and it's the best band - Savage Garden.
Affirmation - Savage Garden - gotta love it.
Brandis Redemption - Haven't heard from Jonothan Brandis on the big or small screen in ages but hey, it makes for a good read.
Jamie's Secret Romance - another Justin story (where is JC?) that totally goes off.
My Suprise Romance - Lance (again where is the JC story? That's right ... I'm writing it) and it is one of the best stories that I have read.
Search and Rescue - A BRILLIANT JC story, please read it though it is older and you will need to look for it... it is well worth it though... also write to the author, tell him he needs to finish the story!
Also, all songs featured in this story belong to respective artists. Any poetry included without acknowledging another author is mine ... you touch you die. If it's a character writing the poem ... it's mine ... if it isn't look at the bottom of the story, it will be there.
Thanks to all those who have written about this story. If you are going to write please put the title of this story in the subject. Thanks to Casey for your ideas as to what I can do in relation to the story, it's all appreciated.
And before you criticise my spelling and writing, I am Australian so any slips I don't mean, I try to write to the American spelling and terms but at times it will be hard, sorry. Yes, I'm almost done, bear with me.
Derwan. I love you more than ever before, you are always my teddybear, I am always your brat. Neither of us are where we were, but I still love you more than you will ever realise.
Okay, you want to ask me questions or just write to me -- here is the address to write to: heartmindsoul@eudoramail.com
Here we go:
JC Dreams 06 by Sun Child
Looking down at Tony pulling hs fist back, Justin's eyes were covered full of fear. From behind JC called be heard calling for Tony to stop. Tony ignored the calls and threw his fist forward. Justin closed his eyes expecting the blow but it never came. Instead there was a resounding thump as Tony's fist hit the wall, inches from Justin's head. Justin opened his eyes and looked down at Tony, confused.
"That was your warning. Try me again and see what I will do to you." Justin looked over at the wall which Tony had just connected with and was shocked to see a dent in the sheet metal wall where Tony had hit it hard. Justin looked back at Tony and nodded weakly. Tony pulled Justin down off the wall, set him on the ground and turned around to walk away. As he started off he heard Justin
"You could have seriously hurt me then. Why?" Tony turned on heel and looked Justin straight in the eye.
"Because Justin, if I had, I would be no better than you." Turning again, Tony walked back towards the car.
Before he got in the car, JC stopped him.
"Thanks for not hurting him Tone." Tony looked at him.
"Josh, I couldn't hurt him. Not while he meant so much to you. This is the first and last warning to him. Should he make on more false move like that, I won't care how he means lots to, I will hurt him." JC nodded understanding.
"Thanks anyways babe." JC told him hugging him lightly. "Now did you still want to come in and watch us do this last song?" Tony looked over JC's shoulder back towards the other four standing a few feet off.
"You should probably ask them if they still want me in there watching."
"Why would they care?"
"After that with Justin, I don't know."
"They're fine, they all knew he had it coming when he told them. It's all good. Please just come." Tony nodded.
"Alright, as long as you're sure." JC grineed and took Tony's hand, leading him back towards the rehearsals shed.
Fatima stood there watching them move with the music.
"JC! Stop making goo goo eyes at your boyfriend and pay attention to the song." Fatima barked at him. Tony looked down to try and not laugh at him. The others tried to do the same as Tony but failed. Lance snorted a laugh and Joey and Chris giggled at him. Only Justin remained quiet through out the entire thing.
"Yes you lot, very funny. Now shut up and we'll start this again shall we." Fatima went over to the CD player and restarted the song. The first bars of 'Space Cowboy' started to play and the guys moved in well known ways.
"STEP, STEP, STEP, THRUST, STEP, THRUST! JC PAY ATTENTION!" Fatima yelled out again. "IF YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION, TONY WILL HAVE TO LEAVE NOW KEEP UP!" Quietly, Tony stood up and slipped out the side door. Making his way back to the car he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around Tony saw Justin standing there.
"Shouldn't you be in there rehearsing?" Tony asked quietly, dangerously.
"Fatima told us we could take five. I wanted to apologise. I've been a real ass the last few days, you don't need it, neither does JC." Tony nodded.
"That you have been Justin. You took a liberty and told the others something that you had no right to. It's not me you need to apologise to, it's Josh." Tony told him.
"Yeah, I know that. I will do that, I just wanted to apologise to you before you left. Are you coming back?" Justin asked.
"In about half an hour, I got some stuff to pick up from the school office and a few calls to make. I'll be back then." Justin nodded.
"Cool. Well, I'll speak to you then I guess." Tony nodded and climbed into the car. Justin then leaned in the window.
"You also gotta teach me how to get this thing off JC." He smiled. Tony looked at Justin.
"It's easy Just. You tell him he ain't gonna get any for a while if he doesn't give you the keys." Justin's mouth fell open.
"I was kidding. We haven't slept together yet. Well sexually anyways. I just have ways, I do like a blonde ditz thing and I get my way. You'll see me in action one day and understand."
"Well, you got the right hair colour." Justin threw in.
"So do you. The difference is I'm natural and you're just copying me trying to be Miss Thang." Tony smiled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna bounce and get this stuff done." Justin stepped back from the car and Tony started the engine. As he was pulling away he waved to Justin who waved back.
Driving along, Tony wanted some music and pushed play on the CD player. Realising it was the demo of the song JC recorded the previous day he skipped to the next track. Another haunting song began to filter out. The piano cords moved around the car, creating a haunting mood.
Say that you'll love me
now and forever
Please tell me
We'll always be together
If I don't have you
I don't know how I would cope
My love for you is always true
Because with my love comes hope
With love comes hope
When you say you're leaving
Something inside me dies
My heart's love is always believing
When you go, my heart always cries
If I don't have you
I don't know how I would cope
My love for you is always true
Because with my love comes hope
With love comes hope
Please don't leave me here
With all this darkness and sorrow
Because of all this
I am scared of tomorrow
I will sing you a sad song
To tell you how I feel
And to help my heart along
And so you know, that my love is for real
If I don't have you
I don't know how I would cope
My love for you is always true
Because with my love comes hope
With love comes hope
With any love comes hope
How do you think
We manage to cope?
The voice faded but the song played on. Tony smiled sadly. This guy was hurt so badly. He hoped one day, he could meet him. Tony pulled up at the lights and took the CD out and put it back in it's case. Rifling quickly through JCs CDs that were in the car he selected 'Affirmation' by Savage Garden. Sliding it into the player he slipped the first four songs, not really interested and started to listen to 'Crash and Burn'.
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild, wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It’s hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can’t take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash and burn
You’re not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You’re caught in a one way street
With monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can’t face the day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash and burn
You’re not alone
Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it’s over you’ll breathe again
You’ll breathe again
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it’s back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild, wild heart
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash and burn
You’re not alone
Tony pulled into the school parking lot as the song started to fade off. Sitting there for a moment until the song had completely stopped, Tony turned off the car and climbed out. Locking the car, he walked over to the office and collected bits and pieces. On his way out one of the secretaries called out.
"Tony. Mr Chasez on line one for you." Tony smiled and reached over the counter and picked up the reciever and selected line one.
"Hey Josh, what's up?"
"Nothing much babe. Just checkin' in to see you're okay."
"Yeah I'm fine. How much longer are you guys gonna be?" Asked Tony.
"A few hours at least. Fatima's working us over time at the moment." Groaned JC over the phone.
"Aaaw. Poor baby." Laughed Tony over the phone.
"Yeah well, we know now who won't be getting any tonight don't we." Tony raised an eyebrow.
"You weren't getting any at any point anyways so what difference does it make?"
"Don't remind me, the things I have to go without for you." Groaned JC again.
"If you stop whining I'll bring some food back with me for you and the guys." Tony told him.
"Okay, whinging stopped. What are you gonna bring us?" asked JC.
"Me to know and you to find out." Grinned Tony.
"Okay, well I gotta get back to work. See ya later."
"Okay babe, I'll catch ya then." Tony smiled over the phone. Hanging up the phone he looked up and saw the principal standing there.
"Tony, can I talk to you in my office please." Tony nodded solemly.
Standing inside the office Tony looked at the principal.
"What can I do for you Greg?" Asked Tony.
"I have had several students come to me today and ask to be moved from your class."
"Oh? Why's that?" Asked Tony confused.
"Because they are uncomfortable with you and your sexuality."
"Excuse me? What do you mean?"
"They don't like the fact that you're gay Tony."
"Greg, how would they even know, I've never told them and I've kept it out of sight. Hell, I've been single for four years now and started to see someone Saturday night. How could they know?"
"I don't know Tony. But I have to think about students, and the schools reputation. I hate to do this Tony, but I'm letting you go. You have until tomorrow to clean your office out."
"Oh come on Greg, you don't expect me to swallow that do you? What is the real reason?"
"Tony, if you must know, one of the students have told their parents and their parents have told others and so on. Anyways, I've had a group of parents call this afternoon saying that if you aren't dismissed from the school, they will be removing their children from the school and that's not something I can afford to have happen. I'm sorry." Tony shook his head in disbelief.
"I'm sorry too Greg. I thought you had more of a backbone than that." Tony threw over his shoulder as he turned and walked away.
Walking into his office, Tony gathered up his folders and books into a box. Looking around his now empty office Tony sighed softly. There was a slight knock at the door. Turning he saw his niece Natasha, who was also a student in his year 12 english.
"Yes Tash, what can I do for you this afternoon."
"Mr Scott, well, I heard the rumours about you being gay and I, I had to come and find out for sure. Are you gay?"
"Yeah Tash I am." Tony confessed to his student.
"How have you been able to hide it for so long?" Natasha asked wide eyed.
"Well, I was single for four years."
"Was Mr Scott?"
"Tash, call me Uncle Tony like normal now. I'm no longer your teacher. I say was because I've just started to see someone."
"What do you mean no longer my teacher?"
"The rumours Tash. Students asked to move out of my classes parents told Mr Clark if I wasn't moved from the school they would remove their kids. Society still doesn't tolerate people like me."
"That so sucks."
"I know Tash. Don't worry about it. I'll find work somewhere."
"I hope so Uncle Tony." Natasha walked up and hugged Tony.
"So what's your boyfriend like? Is he cute? Can I meet him." Tony looked at Natasha.
"Yeah he is cute. I have a feeling you would already know of him but still. As for meeting him ... I don't know. I'd have to ask him. It could hurt his career big time if people found out."
"Oh come on Tony, just about everyone has JC pegged as gay anyways." Tony raised an eyebrow.
"Really, well here's a hint. Josh is a friend of mine, not my boyfriend."
"Really, well why are you driving his car around then?" Tony looked her in the eye.
"My car isn't working so I borrowed Josh's."
"Uncle Tony please, I live near the rehearsal studio where they are, in case you have forgotten. I saw you two." Natasha told him matter-of-factly. Tony's mouth dropped open.
"Don't freak Uncle Tony. I won't tell anyone. I agree though, he is cute." Natasha grinned. Tony looked at her and regained his composure.
"What were you doing near there at that time anyways> You should have been in class."
"I was taking the afternoon off. Since you are no longer my teacher, you can't do a thing about it anyways." Natasha grinned at Tony.
"No but I can talk to you your father. Come on, I'll drop you home on my way to the shed." Tony told Natasha.
"Could I come to rehearsals?" She asked.
"I'll think about it." Tony picked up his stuff and looked at Natasha. "You coming?"
As Tony climbed into the car, he reached over and unlocked the passengers door. Letting her in, he then pulled out his cell phone and called JC.
"Hello?" came the breathless reply.
"Hey sweetie." Tony said. Beside him Natasha did a melodramatic sigh, Tony playfully swiped at her.
"Hey babe. What's up?" Asked JC brightening.
"Nothing much. I was wondering if it was cool if I brought my niece with me to the shed?"
"It doesn't worry me. I'll ask the others and call you back okay." Tony agreed and hung up. Tony started the car up and pulled out of the school lot. Natasha started to rifle through the CDs in the car. Selecting one she took it out of the case and slipped it into the player. Skipping to track nine she began to sing along. Tony grinned when he realised what it was.
If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk
If I need some other love
Give me more than I can stand
And when m smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again
Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again
Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together
You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent
If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot
I started to out clean but I'm jaded
Just phoning it in
Just breaking the skin
Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together
You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent
Start bending me
It's never enough
I feel all your pieces
Start beding me
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in
Shouldn't be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again
Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together
You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent
Tony looked over at his niece.
"You have a great voice you know that?" Natasha blushed lightly.
"So do you Uncle Tony. Have you sung for JC yet?" Tony shook his head.
"And I'm not going to either." Natasha smiled sweetly towards her uncle. Smiling, Tony pulled up at the closest pizza palour and ran inside. Returning a short time later, he had five boxes of pizza in his hands. Natasha leaned over and opened the driver side door for him. After he got in the car, Natasha spoke up.
"JC called. He said it was cool if I came to rehearsals. I don't think he likes being called Uncle JC though." Tony groaned.
"Tash you didn't?"
"Sorry, I didn't think it would matter."
"No, it's cool Tash, it's cool. I doubt it would really worry him in the end." Natasha smiled.
"Did you get any drink?"
"No I didn't. The others have their own drink machine there. You thirsty now?" Natasha nodded Tony grabbed his wallet again and passed her a five dollar note.
"Hurry up then." Natasha bolted from the car and returned a few moments later with a drink in her hand. She went to hand Tony back the money and he shook his head.
"You keep it Tash, you may need that money one day." Natasha smiled and opened the drink.
"You spill one drop and Josh will have your guts for garters girlie." Natasha nodded and carefully had a mouthful then replaced the lid. Taking that as a hint Tony started the car. Pulling away, Tony drove them both to the rehearsals shed.
Arriving there, Tony was welcomed by four hungry boy band members, a hungry and grumpy dance instructor and an over excited boyfriend. They all in the end, made their way back to the shed where they sat inside eating. Natasha was reaching for the last piece of pizza when Joey started to reach for it.
"Touch that pizza Joey and see just how bad PMS a woman can get." Natasha growled. Everyone laughed as Joey quickly retracted his hand from the box. Natasha smiled sweetly and lifted the pizza from the box only to have Tony remove it from her hands.
"Thanks Tash. Nice of you to get that for me." Natasha glared.
"Don't try it Tash, I still have to deal with you wagging this afternoon." Natasha's face quickly changed to a pleasant smile.
"Of course Uncle Tony. Enjoy the pizza." Tony smiled and offered a bite to JC who was lying with his head in Tony's lap. JC shook his head and closed his eyes. Shrugging Tony took a bite.
"Oh yeah, Natasha, call me Uncle JC again, as see how bad a gay guy can get PMS." Natasha paled. "It's Uncle Josh." grinned JC. Natasha, realising it had been a set up, reached over and slapped him on the head. JC was going to relatiate when he found himself being shoved off Tony's lap.
"If you two are going to fight I'm not being caught in the middle." Tony claimed. Everyone in the room looked at each other than at Tony and grinned.
"I think this is where I say 'uh oh' and run isn't it?" Tony asked. The others all nodded. Tony spun fluidly and bolted from the rest of them, leaving his pizza on the box where he had put it down. Natasha smiled, walked up, grabbed the pizza then went after Tony with the others.
Much later that night, JC and Tony were lying in be. Tony looked at JC.
"Josh, how do you feel about me?" JC looked over at Tony.
"I don't know ... it's kinda hard to describe. We've known each other for all of two days, but I feel like I'm falling for you in a big way." Tony nodded. "Now how do you feel for me Tony?"
"I feel the same. I'm falling or I've fallen, I'm not sure, in the biggest way and that scares me." JC nodded.
"While I was on the phone to Natasha, she said that you were running late because of a problem at the school. Is it anything major?" Tony swallowed, he hadn't known how to tell JC.
"Kinda, well yeah. I lost my job." JC looked at Tony.
"Why? I thought you were a good teacher from what I'd heard."
"But I'm a gay teacher. That's the problem." Tony said, depressingly quiet.
"Well, why don't you work for me as PA?" asked JC.
"Yeah right Josh. Like we could do that." JC shrugged.
"Why not? I'm sure others have done it before us, why can't we do it?" Asked JC.
"I don't know. I need to think about it." Tony said, climbing out of bed. JC sat up.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to think about it." Tony said to JC. Walking out of the room he went down to the lounge room and grabbed his guitar and then went out on the balcony and started to play. He started off playing nothing but worked it into a strong riff which reminded him of 'Truly Madly Deeply' by Savage Garden. Smiling slightly he started to play the song. As he finished the song he stopped and thought over what it was he felt for JC.
He started to play again and kept playing for several hours then went back inside, closing the door. Creeping back into the room he saw JC lying there asleep. Smiling, Tony lay down next to his angel. Looking at JC's sleeping form. Sleep soon overcame Tony and he drifted off to sleep.
Tony awoke the next morning and looked at JC, who again was still asleep. He slipped out of bed and again went down the hall to grab his guitar to only return to his balcony. Playing a few notes he then started to play a song that reminded of JC as he had slept last night.
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spen with you is a moment I treasure
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I wonder what you're dreaming
Wondering it it's me your seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
I don't want to mis one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Don't want to close me eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
I don't want to miss a thing
Behind him, Tony heard soft clapping. Then he felt arms wrap around his chest.
"Tone, that was beautiful. I didn't realise you could sing so well or play the guitar so well either. You have an amazing talent." Tony blushed slightly.
"Thanks baby. I can't sing that well though ya know." JC just shook his head.
"You can sing better than most people on the charts. Have you written any of your own stuff?" Tony nodded slightly.
"Can I hear it?"
"What time are your rehearsals Josh?"
"One this afternoon." Tony glanced down at his watch. It was only 9:30. Sighing he nodded.
"Alright, I'll get my stuff." Getting up, he then headed inside and grabbed his music book and reappeared. Opening to a page, Tony played a few notes, then started to play an intro. It had a hard edge.
Man, I wish you just get over it
There's no reason for this game you're playin'
Stop attaching with you worthless shit
No need for this pathetic crap you're sayin'
Don't have time for this shit you're spillin'
My heart you've battered and bruised
The pain you cause by pushin' then me fallin'
I can't stand the sight of you, cause I was used
If your friends start to walk away
I don't want to be the blame because I ain't
It's all the crap you said and still sayin'
You are no God-damned saint
The sight of you is makin' me ill
You can't take your blame
Well maybe it's time you stood still
And stoppend placng the fucking blame
Get up off you fucking ass
Get outta my face
Go get some fucking class
Just the sight of you puts you outta the race
The sight of you is makin' me ill
You can't take your blame
Well maybe it's time you stood still
And stoppend placng the fucking blame
Tony stopped singing and let the last cords play out until he stopped. JC looked at him in surprise.
"Very Alanis. Do you have anything less... I dunno... angsty?" Tony nodded and looked for the next song.
Feelings and emotions scare me
Is the way I feel right now
The way it is meant to be
If so, why am I scare to let it show
Wanting so bad to let it show
I don't know if my feelings are right
These emotions are all I know
They bring tears to my eyes, oh what a sight
My heart is full of things I can't describe
Things that they sing of in love songs
Like a medicine for love that the heart prescribes
But what about the heartache from the others songs
How am I mean to know how I feel
Things said that I truly regret
I put them in my mind under heavy seal
Hoping I will forget
I am scared that I may be in love
How am I meant to be, what do I say
What can I do when push comes to shove
When the sun lightens the new day
Why are my feelings scaring me so
For once I want to know what is in my heart
Am I in love or is it a shallow show
Doesn't it show as a hollow thing tearing me apart
Tony played the closing bars and put the guitar down. He looked up and saw tears pooling in JC's eyes. Tony walked over and hugged him. Kissing him on the forehead, Tony looked into JC's eyes.
"I love you Josh." Josh looked up and Tony.
"I love you too Tony." Josh then leant in and kissed Tony on the lips.
--- There we go people a nice big part to make up seeing as though it has been ages since I posted here. Okay time to give you details of poems and that from above.
- With You There - mine ... touch and die. This song is dedicated to Derwan. Love ya babe 2) Crash and Burn - Savage Garden. Available on the 'Affirmation' album. "HEY JUST! I USED OUR SONG!" 3) Bent - Matchbox Twenty. Available on 'Mad Seasons' album. 4) I Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Aerosmith. Again, dedicated to Dewran with all my heart. 5) Sight of You - mine... you have been warned at the start of this story. Dedicated to David ... without you fucking up our relationship I wouldn't have as much angst in there that I do. 6) To Show I Care - mine ... do I need to say it? Again this is to Derwan (can ya guess that I love him?) I love ya more and more each day.
Okay, there you go. Any comments? Let me know
-= heartmindsoul@eudoramail.com =- I listen to all suggestions and criticisms. Don't worry all ... Butterscotch is to return in the next part. Keep it safe. SC.