Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:
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If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You shouldn't be here.
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I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I enjoy constructive criticism, praise, and rational discussion. I do not enjoy flames, and will not tolerate them.
Back to the story in progress.
Jack
Kevin ordered, and we all just kind of sat there in an awkward silence for a minute. Josh had a hand on my leg, and I had one of mine resting on top of it. Kevin appeared to have showered as well, his hair looking a lot less stringy. I reflected that the times I had seen Kevin on television he had seemed to almost go out of his way to look a little grungy, and I wasn't sure why. He seemed attractive enough, his green eyes warm and dark, and his casual clothes seemed to cover a nice body. If the two of us weren't married, one of us to a woman, I might have actually been interested, at least on a purely physical level. On a mental one, I was still unsettled a little. Neither Josh nor I could seem to think of anything to say. We didn't know enough about him to ask about his wife, so where did that leave us? Asking about his friends? We already knew quite enough about them, at least about two of them.
"So, I see you gave your bodyguard the slip," he said, smiling.
"I don't see yours anywhere," I said, looking around.
"You know how it is," Kevin said, shrugging, and Josh nodded. "Sometimes you just need a night out, and really, how much trouble can I get into by myself in a hotel?"
"We were thinking the same thing," Josh said, smiling back at Kevin.
"Wait a minute," I said, blinking. "Weren't your eyes brown this afternoon?"
"Yeah," Kevin said, laughing loudly. Josh looked surprised, and then realized I was right. "I wear contacts sometimes. Your husband has pretty sharp eyes there, JC."
Before any of us could say anything else, the waitress returned with my soup and salads for the two of them, and the three of us thanked her quietly, watching more people drift into the bar. The restaurant half was almost empty, and fairly quiet, the only other tables being occupied by an elderly couple and a family of five or six, all of the kids apparently under the age of ten. Kevin was looking wistfully at them, and sighed. When I looked at Josh I saw him watching the kids, too, but not with quite the same expression. Kevin caught it, too.
"Do you want kids, JC? Jack?" he asked, cutting his salad. We both looked at him, and then at each other. "I'm sorry. I don't know you guys well enough to ask that. I was just, you know, I don't really know a lot about your way of life. I know that Kristen and I want kids someday, and I talked to Howie about it a little, but he and Lance hadn't really planned that far ahead."
"Jack and I don't really want kids, at least not anytime soon," Josh answered finally, after a long pause. "Maybe someday, but not now. I like kids, and Jack used to work at a high school, but it's just not something either of us is ready for right now. It's just not the right point in our lives."
"We're not speaking for all gay people everywhere, though," I added quickly, breaking some crackers up into my soup. "Some people are very happy getting married and having kids, because they think that's normal. If Josh and I decide to get one, we both want it to be for the right reasons, because we want to love and nurture a child, not because we think we're supposed to like live out this hetero family fantasy or something."
Josh squeezed my leg, and I realized I was starting to climb up onto my soapbox. I nodded at him as he returned his hand to the table, and smiled at Kevin.
"I'm sorry," I said. "This is kind of heavy for dinner. We should talk about something else."
It was a great idea, too, except that none of us had anything to say for a second, dropping into that awkward silence again. I was starting to wonder if we should have gone with our first instinct, and not invited Kevin to sit down. We couldn't be giving him a very good impression of us between the odd looks and the silent pauses. He seemed to sense it, too, and looked up at us both, his eyes ticking from side to side.
"OK, someone needs to say it," Kevin began, and both of us waited. "I know that you guys had some trouble with some of our guys. Nick and Justin had a falling out, and Lance and Howie, at least according to Howie and Nick, are broken up for good. I don't know what happened when they came out to stay with you, and neither of them are talking about it. Howie's depressed, and hanging out with Nick all the time, and you guys know how Nick is if you spent more than five minutes with him, so I haven't really asked."
"Kevin, what happened isn't really, you know, our place to say," Josh began, taking my hand.
"I know," Kevin said, raising his hands. "And I'm not asking you to tell me, because it's probably not my place to hear. I'm just saying that I know something went down, and it was probably bad, but it doesn't involve the three of us, at least not directly."
"We're pretty involved, actually," I said sharply, and saw him flinch a little as Josh squeezed my hand. "Sorry, Kevin. You're right."
"I guess I'm just trying to say that I've always found JC to be a pretty nice guy, and Jack, you seem like a perfect match for him, so you're probably pretty cool, too," he said. "We're all stuck here in Detroit for the night, and since I ran into you here in the restaurant I thought it might be fun to hang out and get to know you a little better."
"I think that's a great idea," Josh said, shrugging. "I'm sorry things have been a little tense so far, but, you know."
"We don't want to judge you based on your bandmates," I added quickly. "So I guess we're sorry for making you feel uncomfortable, after we were the ones who invited you to sit down."
"Well, I'm not a surly asshole like Nick, and I'm not Howie, either," Kevin said, diplomatically avoiding describing Howie. How much did he know? "So I'm glad you're not holding me up to either of those two. I'm just me, Kevin Richardson."
The three of us smiled, and you could feel some of the tension draining away.
"So, tell us about Kevin Richardson," I said, picking up my soupspoon again. "How exactly did you happen to get involved with, um, that other boyband?"
"I'll let that crack slide, since your loyalties clearly lie with Nsync," Kevin said, laughing. "But I'm only talking if you do, too."
We all started talking at once. Josh and Kevin didn't really know each other that well, so they were trading band stories about touring and concerts and rabid fans, and then Kevin wanted to know more about me. I told a fairly glossed over story of my background, something I had learned how to do over the years since I left home, and Josh squeezed my hand to let me know it was ok. I wasn't a big one for opening up completely, at least not with strangers. Even the guys didn't know a lot of the really painful stuff about me, but Josh knew it all. Kevin listened attentively, and added stories of his own as we went along. By the time dessert rolled around, average cheesecake with strawberry topping, the three of us were as chummy as old friends.
"So, seriously, has it been hard for you guys?" Kevin asked. "I mean, with the coming out and all?"
"Yes!" we both said together. I smiled at Josh, and let him continue. "I mean, I knew I wanted to, and the rest of the guys backed me on it, but at the same time I was so scared inside. I knew that I was going to bring Jack to that show, and that it would change everything, but I didn't know what people would do, or what they'd say."
"I didn't know you were scared," I said, turning to him as he held my hand. "You didn't look scared."
"Well, you were so nervous that I figured I needed to keep it together for both of us," Josh said, pulling me against him with an arm around my shoulders. He smiled at Kevin. "It was actually kind of a change, because up until then Jack was always so poised and collected, and when we got out of that limo I thought he was going to fall over."
"It wasn't that bad," I protested, laughing. "Seriously, though, it was a big change for me. I was really comfortable in this little kind of anonymous bubble, and then BOOM! I was JC's boyfriend."
"Kristen was pestered for a while, too," Kevin said, nodding. "It wasn't as bad as you guys, though. I mean, I saw you guys everywhere. That was probably, you know, because you're guys. It was good that, you know, all of your guys backed you on it."
There was a pause for a second, and I decided I really did want to ask, even if it did squash the last hour or so of good feelings.
"Kevin, what happened with you guys?" I asked, hoping this wouldn't upset Kevin. Next to me, Josh waited as well. "I mean, Howie told us that he came to you, before you guys were big, and that you all decided it was better if he stayed in the closet. I know it's none of my business, but you seem like a really nice guy, and you're pretty ok with us. What happened?"
Kevin sighed.
"Honestly?" he asked. "I think we made a mistake. Not career wise, of course. There weren't any other boybands when we were starting out. We were getting a lot of crap about not being musicians, and just being five pretty faces, and a lot of people were saying we were gay already. We wanted to make it on the music, and we decided that if Howie was out, too many people would focus on that. I think the mistake we made was never changing our minds. We always seemed to have these really good reasons why Howie still couldn't come out, and why it just wasn't the right time, and then all of a sudden there was JC with a boyfriend, and we missed the chance."
"You could still do it," Josh said. "If Howie still wants to, you guys could still support him on this."
"I know, but I think it might be too late," Kevin said. We both looked at him, noticing the serious look that crossed his face. "When you came out, and people seemed kind of ok with it, Howie started to get upset. We tried to talk through it, and work it out with him, and we thought him and Lance were a great couple, but he just seemed to get angry. Now, I don't know what's going on. Nick still wants Howie to stay in the closet, so it doesn't rub off on the rest of us, and Howie's following Nick around like a lapdog. They're probably sleeping together, and I know Howie's doing all the rest of that shit Nick does."
Both of us had the same expressions of open-mouthed surprise. Kevin looked up at us with his huge eyebrows raised.
"You guys know Nick's bi?" he asked, and we nodded. If he was asking, maybe he didn't know Justin was, too. "I don't know what happened when they came out to visit you, but I know that both of them are a mess."
"Both of them?" I asked, surprised. "Even Nick?"
"Yeah," Kevin answered, nodding. "I asked once why he wasn't calling Justin anymore, and he looked, I don't even know how to describe it. I mean, you guys hung out with him, and you know how he is. I love Nick, like a little brother, but I don't really like him all that much. Nick's not right, and he never has been, but he doesn't let anyone help him, and we've all kind of given up on trying. When he told me that he and Justin aren't friends anymore, he actually looked like he felt bad about it."
I felt Josh squeeze my hand, and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. Could Nick actually feel guilty about what he did to Justin? Did he regret it? And what about Howie? Did Howie actually resent Josh and I, the whole time that he was our friend? Was he jealous? We knew he kind of wanted what we had, but Lance didn't want to be out, and Howie's guys didn't want him out, either. Was that part of what had driven Howie? We knew he had been angry about Lance and Justin, but had he also been angry at Lance because of us? Kevin must have caught the look on my face, and the mirror on Josh's, because he smiled suddenly.
"Hey, this is a little too serious," he said, leaning back. "I was the one who said we'd keep our friends out of it, and here I am babbling on. Look, here comes our waitress."
"Can I get you boys anything else?" the waitress asked, topping off my coffee again. Kevin and Josh were both having tea, worrying about their throats like good musicians should. The two of them were so similar, but Kevin had this maturity about him. Not that Josh was immature, but Kevin had definitely been through a little more than Josh had, and it showed.
"I think we're good," Josh said, glancing at me. I nodded, and he smiled. He meant it for the waitress, but also for the three of us as friends. "Kevin?"
"I'm ok, too," Kevin answered, stirring his tea. We heard a lot of loud cheering coming from the bar area, and Kevin turned back to the waitress. It was the third round of cheering we'd listened to in about fifteen minutes. "What exactly is that going on over there?"
"Karaoke," the waitress answered, shrugging. "Starts every night, and people just love it for some reason. We got a whole room of guys from Japan who are just eating it up."
"They sound like they're having a lot of fun," Josh said, smiling.
"Maybe you guys should check it out," the waitress said, tallying our check on her pad and then tearing it off. As she dropped it on the table she smiled at Josh and Kevin. "They always have a lot of fun, but they don't usually have professionals over there."
I snickered behind my hand as the two of them blinked in surprise. They'd thought they were so casual, and figured that just because the waitress hadn't said anything at the beginning of the meal then she must not have recognized them. She caught my snicker and nodded at me, and I realized that she knew who I was, too. It was an odd feeling.
"Professionals?" Kevin asked, trying to play it off.
"Us?" Josh continued. It was futile. They were busted, and we all knew it.
"Look, I'm sure you guys get bothered by people all the time, so I didn't want to say anything," she said, crossing her arms. We were far enough from the other tables to be out of hearing range of anyone else. "But, you know, my daughter loves both of your bands. Even if I hadn't seen you both of TV a thousand times, we have magazines back in our break room with your wedding pictures. Congratulations, by the way."
"Thanks," I said, squeezing Josh's hand.
"We appreciate you giving us a nice, quiet dinner," Kevin said. "It's nice sometimes to pretend that we're kind of like normal people, and that we can go out and do stuff like this. Is there anything we could do for you, as a thank you?"
"You said your daughter's a fan," Josh said, nodding. The waitress smiled at us, but really I thought that she would have been ok without an offer of anything. "Maybe could we sign something for her?"
"I don't want to bother you guys," she said. "I mean, I don't want to be any trouble."
"Here, give me your pad," Kevin said, taking it from her. "We'll each write her a little note, ok? What's her name?"
"Brenda," she answered, blushing a little. "Thank you so much."
"It's no problem," Josh said, gesturing at the empty chair. "This is going to take a minute. Why don't you sit down for a second, take a little break, and tell us about Brenda?"
"Are you sure?" she asked, but I watched her slowly crumbling beneath Josh's southern boy charm. She might have been able to play it off while she waited on us, but the minute Josh rolled his blue eyes toward her, she was suddenly a giddy schoolgirl again. I'd seen it happen a thousand times.
"You have no other tables," Josh said, gesturing around at the empty restaurant as Kevin continued writing out a paragraph on the order pad. "Have a seat, please. Chat with us for a second."
"Well, ok," she said, sitting down.
One of the things I loved the most about Josh was that despite all the money, and the fame, and everything else, he was still a genuinely nice, friendly, down to earth guy inside. He said that I brought that out in him, and helped ground him in reality, but really, he didn't need me for that. He chatted away for a minute or two, asking Alice, the waitress, about her husband, her daughter, and a bunch of other mundane little things. Even more surprising to me, though, was that Kevin did the same thing. When he finished writing, he flipped the page and passed the pad to Josh, and then he began talking to Alice while Josh wrote a little note, too. I was pleased to see that Kevin was as nice to others as he had been to us, and it was making me feel a little more trusting of him. Maybe he really was ok. I normally would have just gone with my gut, but I was trusting it a lot less lately.
"There," Josh said, sliding the pad toward Alice.
"Wait, please," she said, her hand on the pad. "Jack, could you write her a note, too?"
"Me?" I asked, stunned.
"Brenda has followed the stories about you guys since they broke," she said, shrugging. "She thinks it's sweet, and I know she'd be excited to hear from you, too. If you don't mind."
"Um, no, I guess," I said, not sure of what to even write. "I don't mind at all."
"I'll be right back," she said, standing. "I need to go get stuff to start doing the tables."
While Josh and Kevin argued about who was going to pay, I wrote a quick note to Brenda. I wasn't really sure what to say, so I just thanked her for supporting Josh and I, told her she had a wonderful mother, and wished her good luck with her future plans. When I looked up, Josh and Kevin were still bickering, but it was a friendly, easy going banter.
"Hey, can we stop, please?" I asked, snapping my fingers in front of them. "This is annoying, you guys."
"Sorry, babe," Josh said. Kevin nodded. The two of them slid a couple of large bills under the check, folded it around them, and then waved Alice back over. "Thank you so much for everything."
"Yeah, dinner was great," Kevin added, nodding.
"I meant what I said, you know," she said, taking the check. When she unfolded it, her eyes bulged, but she quickly tucked it back into the pocket of her uniform. "Take a night off. At least go over there and check it out."
"Maybe," Josh said, shrugging.
"Either way, thanks for everything, and have a good night," she said, smiling and going back to removing the ketchup bottles from the tables.
The three of us stood, and Kevin and Josh stared uncertainly toward the archway leading to the bar area. I smiled, and slid an arm through each of theirs.
"Come on, guys," I said, tugging them toward the bar. "It might be fun."
The bar was filled with about forty or so people, mostly Japanese, like Alice had said. Mixed in were a few groups of guys who could only be traveling businessmen, and a small group of younger frat boy types. They were probably the best shot at us getting recognized, so I carefully steered Josh and Kevin away to the other side of the room, not quite across from them where they might look up and see us, but kind of on the diagonal. Honestly, they were so busy cheering each other on, they probably wouldn't see us, but there was no point in trying to keep things quiet if we weren't willing to take minor precautions. Everyone looked to be having a great time, boisterous and drinking, so we were more or less unnoticed as we took a table at the back.
The waitress brought Josh a beer, and me a screwdriver, while Kevin went all out and asked for something large with pieces of fruit and umbrellas and God knew what else in it.
"What the hell are you drinking?" I asked, staring at it, half expecting to see a goldfish swimming around the enormous bowl.
"Sorry," Kevin said, laughing, as he pushed a skewered pineapple out of the way so he could get to the straw. "I don't go out to clubs a lot, so I figured I might as well order something fun."
"Or at least something huge," Josh said, sucking slowly at his bottle. He drank all of his beer slowly, as he wasn't a big fan of alcohol. He'd make one or two last most of the night, and still be pretty buzzed. My husband, the lightweight.
"So, are you two planning to sing anything?" I asked, clapping loudly along with everyone else as we watched some poor girl stutter nervously through "I Will Survive". I wondered why every single time I saw Karaoke it was always the same ten songs over and over. Any second now some duo would get up and sing that Meatloaf song that was like twenty minutes long.
"I think I'll pass tonight," Josh said, laughing. "We're on vacation, remember? I'll save my singing for the shower, with you."
Josh leaned over and kissed me on the cheek when he said that, and I blushed.
"That's so sweet," Kevin teased, sipping his monstrosity.
"Only because you don't have to listen to it," I teased. "Nothing colors your day like listening to Josh singing Motown in the shower."
"You never complained before!" Josh said, pouting over his beer.
"And I'm not complaining now, either," I said, leaning over. I kissed his cheek, and he frowned, pulling away a little. I kissed it again, and then a third time, and finally he turned his head toward me, and I quickly pecked him on the lips, forgiven. "What about you, Kevin? Gonna belt out any hits for us?"
"I'm thinking not," Kevin answered, laughing along with us. He gestured at the stage, where one of the Japanese guys was painfully working his way through "My Girl", cheered on by his friends. "I'm not sure I could compete with this kind of talent."
We all laughed, and for the next couple of songs we just sat back, relaxed, and cheered along with everyone else. The waitress brought me another screwdriver, and I leaned back against Josh, feeling his warm, strong arm around my shoulders. We started chatting again, offering commentary on the songs and the singers. Kevin asked about the upcoming tour, and Josh told him a little about the number of shows and where they'd be going. It was hard to say more, since they hadn't really gone into rehearsals, but I knew they had the basic framework of the show laid out. Josh was also keeping things a little vague because, after all, Kevin was the competition, and this summer they'd be touring against each other again. Last time that had happened they'd come out ahead of the Backstreet tour, and they'd even played less shows, but it never hurt to be careful.
"So, Jack, what about you?" Kevin asked. "You planning to hop up on the stage?"
"On the tour?" I asked. "I'm not part of the group."
"No, no, I meant in here," Kevin answered, laughing along with Josh at my minor lapse in common sense. "Why don't you get up and belt one out for us?"
"One singer in the family is quite enough, thanks," I said, laughing, as Josh leaned over and kissed my forehead.
"Besides, that's not Jack's style," Josh said. "He's not like that."
"Not like what?" I asked, curious.
"You know," Josh said. "You just don't like being in front of people. There's nothing wrong with that, babe."
"Yeah, lots of people are shy," Kevin added.
"I'm not shy," I protested. "I'm just, you know, I don't like that."
"And there's nothing wrong with being that way," Josh said. "It's ok to be a little shy, Jack. I think it's cute."
"Me, too," Kevin said, smiling at us. "You guys are so funny together."
"Um, thanks," I said, wondering if it was a compliment. I was still a little annoyed at Josh saying that I was shy, and that I was afraid to get up in front of people. I'd done some public speaking, and I'd even been down the red carpet at an awards show. I might not like it, but I could get up in front of people when I had to. "Hey, babe, I have to go pee. I'll be right back."
"You want me to go with you?" Josh asked, starting to stand. He looked concerned.
"No, I'll be fine," I said, patting him on the shoulder. "I promise not to sneak out back to get a cigarette."
"OK," he said, sliding back into his chair. I could tell that he was still unsettled, and normally I wouldn't go anywhere by myself, but I wasn't even planning to leave the room. I gave him a quick kiss on the forehead and started to walk away.
"What was that all about?" Kevin asked behind me.
"It's a long story," Josh began explaining. I could barely hear him. "I'll give you the short version."
I chuckled and circled around the bar, sneaking over to the DJ booth. Someone was just starting a bad rendition of that Garth Brooks song about friends in low places, so I had a little time to motion the MC over. Since he worked in the music industry, however tangentially, he recognized me after a few seconds, and was more than willing to help me pick out a song suited to my rather limited vocal talents. I flipped through the catalog quickly, and spotted one I knew the words to. Glancing out at the floor, I could see that Josh and Kevin were completely engrossed in their discussion, Josh looking pained and Kevin looking concerned. Neither noticed as I climbed the stairs, but both of their heads jerked up about halfway through the MC's introduction.
"Our next performer calls himself 'half of J Squared', and claims to have no musical talent whatsoever. Please, put your hands together for Jack, who's doing this because his husband said he wouldn't."
"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl," I began, walking across the stage and grinning widely at the identical open-mouthed expressions of shocked surprise on both their faces. "With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there!"
I had thrown in a little dancing with it, trying not to laugh too hard. The audience was screaming and clapping like they had for everyone else, and Josh and Kevin jumped up out of their seats and ran up to the edge of the stage as I hammed my way badly through my performance.
"Go Jack!" Josh screamed, laughing and clapping his hands as I sang about Rico, who wore a diamond.
Next to him Kevin had found a lighter, and was holding it above his head, and I glanced back at the screen, almost forgetting the words because I was trying so hard not to laugh at them. I wasn't the best singer, but I was throwing plenty of effort into it, and the audience loved it. They began to clap even louder when Josh climbed up onto the stage, dancing with me as I told everyone about music, fashion, and passion at the Copa Cabana. When I finally finished Josh threw his arms around me and spun me in a circle, both of us laughing so hard there were tears in our eyes, and Kevin cheered wildly from the floor.
"Give it up for J Squared!" the MC yelled, and the room burst into louder cheering again as Josh and I stepped down carefully from the stage.
"Thank you, thank you," I yelled over my shoulder as the three of us began walking out of the room, arms linked as they had been when we came in, still grinning.
"I love you so much," Josh boomed, squeezing me against him in a one armed hug as he kissed my cheek. "That was so amazing."
"You were great!" Kevin said, smacking me on the back. Thank God I was leaning on Josh, because he was kind of a strong guy, and I probably would have fallen down.
"I wish we had that on tape," Josh said, kissing me again. "No one's ever going to believe you did that."
"And you're never getting a repeat," I said, kissing him back. We all laughed.
Kevin was on a different floor from ours, so we bid him a good night as he left the elevator, figuring we would probably see him at the airport in the morning. Josh turned to me and kissed me, again, on the mouth, and I could feel as he pressed against me just how excited he was. I rested my hands on his chest, caressing it through his t-shirt, and he pulled off of my mouth with a little wet sucking sound as the elevator doors dinged open. Andrew stood in the hallway, arms crossed, glaring at us.
"We need to talk," he barked. "Right now."
To be continued.