Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:
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If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You shouldn't be here.
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I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I've enjoyed hearing from all of you.
That said, on with the show, and back to the story in progress.
While Josh and I were out at the cemetery, the other guys decided that we were all going out to dinner tonight, for a big guy's night out, and they called Josh and I on both of our phones as we were returning to the apartments. We agreed to an early evening out, which would give us time to get home and get cleaned up and changed. Josh and I slid our way through the shower, barely managing not to have sex, mainly because we were watching the clock, and not trying to hold the others up. We were side by side, shirtless, combing our hair, when Josh paused.
"Jack, what are we going to do when I go on tour?" he asked, looking at me in the mirror. I stared into his reflected blue eyes.
"Well, I think you guys are going to sing, and dance a lot," I answered, shrugging, trying to lighten the moment. We'd been serious enough today. "Oh, and wear sleeveless shirts with things spraypainted on the front of them."
"You're funny," Josh said. "I'm serious. We keep saying how hard it is for us to be apart. What are we going to do?"
"Well, if school's in, you're going to have to go without me," I said, stealing one of his many different kinds of gel. "I could maybe fly out on weekends to spend a day with you, and maybe you could jet back home if you have longer breaks. If I'm off work, I wouldn't mind going on the road with you, if the guys don't mind."
"They won't mind," Josh said.
"We'll get through it, Josh," I said, patting him on the shoulder. "We'll talk to each other every day, twice a day if we have to, and I'll be right there at home, waiting for you. Now, where did that come from?"
"I was just, you know, thinking about the future," Josh said, shrugging.
"As long as it's the future with you and me together, it'll be ok," I said, kissing him on the cheek. "I'm going to finish getting dressed. You, finish your hair."
When we stepped out of the apartment, hand in hand, all four of the others were down in the courtyard, milling around, along with Howie. Chris was on the far side of the pool, by himself, smoking a cigarette and chatting away on his phone, probably banished by the others as soon as he'd lit up. Lance and Howie were sitting side by side on one of the lounge chairs, holding hands and talking quietly about something, and Justin and Joey were sitting at the table, arguing about some movie that Joey liked but Justin thought was crap. Looking down, I realized that they looked together again, they all looked whole again, and when we closed the door to the apartment five faces tilted up, five pairs of eyes ticked over our linked hands and our smiles, and five faces broke into wide grins.
"You two ready?" Chris asked.
"On our way," I said, pulling Josh toward the stairs.
It wasn't our first meal together since the awards show and the meeting of the band beforehand, but it was our first one with Howie, and it was also the first one without tension and awkward glances. Nobody said anything directly, but we made small talk, and bought each other drinks, and everything was finally ok. We had dinner at a huge sports bar, all of us pausing for the pictures out front, smiling in the blinding flashbulbs. The photographers called out for just Josh and I, or the five guys together, or all of us, or Howie alone, or Howie with the guys, and we shuffled and shifted and tried to give them what they wanted. I wondered what the columns would think about Howie hanging out with us, and then I realized that I had actually used the word "us" to think about the band.
I really was part of the family.
After dinner, a messy, guys' night out festival of pizza and wings and beer and nachos, the kind of food that none of us would have eaten if a mom or a girlfriend had been at the table, we broke up, heading off for different plans. Joey, Chris, and Justin were going clubbing, and practically begged us all to go with them. Lance and Howie answered at the same time as Josh and I, with the same answer, saying that they were planning to stay in and watch movies together. Chris frowned.
"Is this the way it's going to be from now on?" he asked.
"What do you mean?" Josh asked, as Joey and Justin stood behind Chris making exaggerated frowny faces of disappointment.
"You know, all us single guys going out, and all you old marrieds staying in," Chris sighed, rolling his eyes.
"Oh, for Christ's sake," I said, smacking his arm. "We'll go out with you tomorrow night, ok? Or whenever we got out again."
"Us, too," Lance said. "Promise. Tonight we just want to, you know, Howie and I need to have a little quiet time."
"So do we," Josh added, squeezing my hand.
"OK, fine, go do your couple stuff, reject your friends," Chris said melodramatically, the back of his hand pressed to his forehead. "I hope I can find something to help ease the pain."
"Yeah, I wonder what her name'll be this time?" Justin quipped. Joey snickered.
We bid them all a good night, and returned to the apartment. Josh and I changed into pajamas and settled onto the couch with our popcorn for another quiet night of television, watching movies. We didn't talk much, just soaking in each other's company. I called Chris and left him a message that I wanted to sleep in tomorrow, but we'd be back on running the next day, and Josh called everyone to say they needed to meet in the morning an hour earlier than usual. I hoped the boys wouldn't be too drunk to get up. When Josh started yawning, I switched off the movie, and we went and got ready for bed. Stripping down to our shorts, as we did every night, I paused for a moment, standing in my boxers, and then pulled them off, too. Josh watched me, a little half smile on his face as I slid between the sheets, and then he stripped out of his boxer briefs and slid into bed with me as I flicked the lamp off.
"This is new," Josh giggled as I spooned back against him.
"We said we shouldn't even bother wearing clothes to bed," I reminded him.
I felt the front of Josh's thighs rubbing the backs of mine, felt his nipples brushing against my back. His cock rested in the crevice of my ass, not fully hard, but on the way, and his hands brushed the sides of my arms while he kissed the back of my neck and the tops of my shoulders. I felt his abs against the small of my back, and his breathing and mine fell into a matching rhythm as his pecs pressed against the wings of my shoulder blades on each inhale.
"Josh," I sighed, pressing against him as his hands played over me. "Make love to me, Josh."
I reached into the nightstand and handed him a condom and the lube, and a few moments later I felt him sliding into me as he sucked at the back of my neck, nibbling, doubtlessly raising a hickey at the spot where my neck met my shoulder. I sighed against him as he began to slowly rock in and out of me. It was soft and tender, lacking the usual urgency and frantic pace of our regular lovemaking, as if we both realized we wanted to take our time, and savor what we had. Josh continued to thrust gently in and out of me, his hands brushing softly over the front of me, as I softly repeated his name, over and over, and he sighed mine. Eventually one of his hands drifted down to wrap around my cock, to softly pull me in time to his thrusting. His free hand slid over the top of mine, the fingers curling down to lace through my own, and I squeezed tightly.
It seemed to go on for hours, slow and tender, and when it was finally over, when both of us had cum and cleaned off, gasping and whimpering, panting and yelping, and were cuddled against each other, drifting off to sleep, I was almost sad to see it end.
"I love you, Jack," Josh sighed against my neck.
"I love you, too," I answered.
We fell asleep, cradled against each other.
Lance and Howie had finished their movie as well, and were just cuddling on the couch while they waited for the tape to rewind. Howie was leaning back against Lance's chest, and Lance was enjoying the warmth of Howie's comfortable weight. Howie was smaller than Lance, but still kind of heavy, because he was all muscle. You could see it every time he moved, because everything he wore clung to him, stretched over his chest, drawing your eyes to his pecs, inviting you to trace over his shoulders and down his arms, following their curves to his hands, so soft. Howie's hands could hold yours as tightly as a vice, squeezing all the fear out of you if you woke up in the middle of the night screaming, or they could brush, feather light and barely there, over your cheek if you were crying, flicking your tears away. Lance found himself staring at Howie's hands and wondering what else they could do, how they would feel on other parts of his body, and realized that he was getting hard underneath Howie.
Howie noticed it, too. It would be difficult not to notice Lance's cock, suddenly hard and throbbing, pressing against his back. Howie had felt it before, at night when they lay against each other in bed, both primly dressed in undershirts, Lance in boxers and Howie in tiny, almost bikini briefs that highlighted the V shape of his torso. Howie knew that Lance was attracted to him, could feel it, but he never acted on it. He never made mention of it, because he was afraid of pushing Lance away, or triggering something inside of him. They'd talked about it with Lance's therapist, and Howie knew that he had to let Lance go at his own pace, had to always let Lance be in control. Until then, he would just wait for Lance.
Howie almost jumped in surprise when he felt Lance's mouth brushing his neck, just below his ear, but he willed himself to remain still. Lance had never kissed him anywhere besides on the lips or on the cheek, or occasionally on the forehead, all the safe zones. He had certainly never flicked a tongue up the curve of Howie's ear, like he just did. Howie felt himself getting hard in his tight leather pants as Lance's hands drifted down over his shoulders to gently trace the curves of his chest, and then he felt Lance kissing his neck again.
"Lance?" Howie whispered, pressing himself back against Lance as he watched Lance's pale, strong hands begin kneading his pecs through his shirt.
"Shhhhh," Lance breathed against his ear, sending a shiver through him. "Shhhhh."
Howie shut up immediately, closing his eyes as he felt Lance's hands massaging the front of his chest. Lance couldn't believe he had never done this. He had never touched Justin's body, had never touched any guy's body, not like this, and Howie was just pressed back against him, letting him do whatever he wanted, letting him put his hands wherever he wanted. Lance ran them up and down Howie's torso, feeling the muscles, and the strength, feeling the firmness of them. It should have been like running a hand over his own chest somehow, Lance thought, but this was different. As he continued to kiss and suck at the side of Howie's neck he traced his hands down Howie's strong arms and grabbed his wrists, pulling them upward and tucking Howie's hands behind both of their heads, so that Howie's entire torso was stretched tightly on top of him.
Howie sighed, trying to stay quiet, his breathing punctuated by sharp little moans as Lance's hands crawled up and down his torso, running over his abs, tracing the ripples, sweeping back up over his pecs. He felt Lance's fingers gently, tentatively, brushing over his nipple, which immediately hardened and stiffened. Lance's hand brushed it again, flicking over it, and Howie moaned loudly, involuntarily stiffening against Lance as he arched his back, lifting up from Lance's torso even as he ground his ass against Lance's hard cock. This pressure sent a wave of pleasure through Lance, and he realized suddenly that he didn't just want to feel Howie's muscles, he wanted to feel his skin, wanted to see if it would feel warm or smooth or just different from his own.
Howie lifted his arms, sitting up a little, as he felt Lance's hands grab the bottom of his shirt and begin to tug it toward his head. As soon as Lance tossed it aside Howie rested back against him again, his arms raised behind Lance's head, submitting himself to Lance's wandering exploration of his body. He felt the soft fabric of Lance's shirt brushing against his back, and he rubbed himself against it, sighing, his ass continuing to slowly gyrate on top of Lance's cock. He began to feel Lance's hips shifting involuntarily beneath him, and didn't think Lance even realized it.
Lance was lost in feeling Howie's chest, running his hands over it, feeling how hot the skin was, feeling the tiny hairs brush his palms. He brought his fingers over both of Howie's nipples at once, rubbing them, tugging on them a little, as he continued to suck and nibble at Howie's neck. Lance wasn't sure where any of this had come from, but all he wanted to do was keep feeling Howie, keep massaging him, tracing his hands over him, feeling him bunch and shift and sigh against him. He was afraid to let Howie speak, afraid to let him say anything, because he was afraid that the wrong word would bring everything else flashing back to him, and right now he wasn't thinking about any of that. Right now he was just thinking about how warm and firm and hard Howie was, and how good it felt to have his ass grinding against his cock, which was so painfully hard now he thought he would explode. He felt Howie's arms tightening on either side of his neck as Howie, eyes closed, continued to moan and writhe on top of him, lost in the feeling of Lance's groping exploration of his body, and he ran his hands up and down them, feeling them bulge, feeling the hair on them brush his palms and slide beneath his fingers.
Lance slid his hands back down onto Howie's chest, pinching and rolling his nipples as he lost himself in the salty, masculine taste of Howie's neck, which vibrated under his mouth as Howie moaned and sighed above him. He ran his fingers through the little patch of dark hair between Howie's pecs, and then his hands slid down Howie's abs, feeling them pull tightly as Howie arched under them, his finger following down the little trail of dark hair, and he began to undo the top of Howie's pants, snapping the button, sliding the zipper down. Without stopping to think at all about what he was doing, just following wherever his hands led him, Lance plunged both of his hands into the open front of Howie's pants. His fingers slid over Howie's underwear, silky briefs, and he felt Howie's cock throbbing and hard underneath them.
Lance began to knead and rub at it with both hands, and heard Howie gasp as his cock slipped out of the top of the briefs. Lance continued to run his hands furiously up and down it, feeling it, stroking it, rubbing it, feeling Howie's cock slicken his palm as his hand brushed over it. Howie was moaning louder now, trying to stifle it, letting out little urgent sighs as he twisted on top of Lance, and Lance felt his own cock leaking in his shorts as Howie continued to grind on top of it. Lance continued pumping Howie's cock, feeling it throb beneath his fingers, his hands inside of Howie's briefs now, and Howie's arms tightened around Lance's neck as he gripped at the couch beneath him. Lance remembered something Chris had said he'd done with a girl, and he suddenly bit, not too hard, at Howie's earlobe, tugging at it with his teeth.
Howie yelped, his whole body tensing against Lance's, and Lance felt hot wetness spilling over his fingers. He looked down, over Howie's shoulder, down his heaving chest, and saw pearly streamers of cum shooting out of Howie's cock, jetting across his abdomen in glistening painted lines. Howie panted on top of him, limply stretched across him, resting on Lance's torso.
"Was it, was I good?" Lance asked quietly.
"Jesus, Lance, that was amazing," Howie said. "You were amazing. Could you, um, hand me a tissue or two?"
"Sure," Lance said, passing him the box. "Hurry."
"Lance?" Howie asked.
"I want to be with you, Howie, right now," Lance whispered. "I want to feel you against me. Hurry."
Howie cleaned himself quickly, and slid off of the couch. Lance jumped up and grabbed Howie's hand, dragging him to the bedroom. Once they got there, Lance turned, so that he was facing Howie, and he leaned in, his hands on Howie's shoulders, and kissed him. Howie's eyes widened in surprise as he felt Lance's tongue dart inside his mouth. Lance pulled back, staring into Howie's brown eyes, losing himself in them. Howie looked almost dazed, and his hair was a little messy. Lance's eyes dipped down, sliding over Howie's torso, and then he paused, unsure. Howie looked at him questioningly, wanting to move, but afraid of frightening him.
Lance grabbed the bottom of his shirt and carefully pulled it over his head, staring at Howie uncertainly, before undoing his pants. Howie, following Lance's lead, kicked his own pants off, and suddenly they faced each other in their underwear. Lance swallowed, and, bending, slid his boxers off. Howie peeled down his briefs, and they were facing each other again, Howie's cock a little less urgent but Lance's painfully hard. Howie had never seen Lance naked, had never even seen him with his shirt off, and his eyes darted over Lance's body. Lance wasn't as defined as he was, not as cut, but his softer curves, combined with the milk white, alabaster tone of his skin, gave him an overall soft, somehow sexy appearance, and Howie felt his lips curving upward in a smile even as he tried to keep his face neutral.
Lance looked away suddenly, his eyes down, his face looking almost pained.
"Lance?" Howie asked, not moving, but wanting so badly to step toward him. "Lance, what's wrong?"
"You're, it's just, you're so beautiful," Lance said weakly. "And I'm, I'm."
Lance felt Howie's fingers touch his jaw, and carefully, gently, they turned his head, until he could see Howie's eyes, wide and filled with warmth and concern.
"You're beautiful, Lance," Howie said, and he meant it. "You're beautiful to me."
"Howie," Lance began, sliding his hand up over Howie's, pressing it to his face. "I've never, I've never been with anyone. Never. I'm a virgin."
"But, but you," Howie began, not sure of how to say it, not wanting to bring the thought of what had happened up now of all times, when Lance had come so far, had pushed himself so far in one night.
"Always him," Lance said, looking away. "Always him, never me."
"OK, Lance, it's ok," Howie said, taking his hands. "Why don't we get on the bed?"
"OK," Lance answered, letting Howie lead him to the bed. Now that he stopped to think about what he was doing, he was scared again, was unsure of himself. They lay on the bed, facing each other, Howie leaving space between them as they stared into each other's eyes and Howie gently caressed the side of his face, stroking it soothingly.
"Lance, do you trust me?" Howie asked.
"Yes," Lance answered, not hesitating.
"I will never hurt you, Lance, never," Howie said. It was something he said to Lance a lot. "If I do anything that makes you uncomfortable, I want you to stop me, ok?"
"OK," Lance said.
Howie leaned in, slowly, ever so slowly, and kissed Lance on the lips. Lance smiled, so Howie did it again, this time letting his mouth linger a little. Lance still didn't move, so Howie kissed him a third time, resting his hands on Lance's shoulders. Lance still didn't move, so rather than pulling back again, Howie continued kissing him, feeling Lance start to respond, kissing him back. Howie moved his hands up and down Lance's arms, feeling Lance relax, and then he began to run them over Lance's back as well. Lance moaned, and sank into the mattress, opening his mouth a little to allow Howie's tongue inside.
Lance felt like his mouth was on fire. Every nerve in his body seemed to be connected to it, tied to his mouth somehow. Every nerve, that is, except for the ones that were singing, screaming with pleasure as Howie's hands gently brushed over him, stroking and caressing him, playing across his body. Lance shifted from his side onto his back, and Howie draped himself over him. Lance moaned softly as he felt Howie's body gliding over him, all warm, strong limbs. Everywhere that Howie touched him, in so many ways and places at the same time, Lance felt like he was burning, felt like he was coming alive. He closed his eyes, and all he saw behind them was Howie, no one else.
Lance sighed as he felt Howie kissing the middle of his chest, feeling Howie's hair brushing against the bottom of his chin as Howie's hands continued to crawl across him, kneading and stroking and caressing him everywhere, everywhere except one place. Howie's tongue darted out, massaging Lance's nipple, and Lance grabbed the back of Howie's head, pressing it to his chest. Howie smiled, catching Lance's nipple in his teeth, and then darted his tongue out over Lance's skin again, dipping his head lower. Lance began to moan more urgently, twisting his fingers into Howie's hair, as Howie's tongue traced a smooth circle around his navel, dipping in for a second, before dipping lower, lower, and finally sliding across the head of Lance's cock.
Lance's hips bucked up beneath Howie as he threw his head back into the pillows. He'd never felt anything like this, never, and suddenly he was sliding into Howie's mouth as Howie went down on him. No one had ever touched him like this, and it felt like a thousand tiny fingers were brushing over him at once. His hips jerked involuntarily as his hand pulled Howie down onto him.
"Oh, Howie, oh God!" Lance yelped as Howie bobbed up and down on him, swallowing him completely.
Howie could tell Lance wasn't going to last long at all. His whole body was shaking, and his chest was heaving as he yelped and panted above him. Suddenly Lance tensed, letting out a loud, wordless cry as he began to shoot down Howie's throat. Lance panted, trying to catch his breath, as Howie pulled off of him and slid back up the bed, laying his head on Lance's chest, resting against him as they formed a tangle of sweaty limbs. Howie sighed against him, feeling Lance's heart beating beneath his head, and then he heard a noise. Looking up, he saw that Lance was crying.
"Lance?" he asked, pulling himself up until his face was level with Lance's. They didn't look like tears of sadness.
"I, Howie, I think I love you," Lance said, pulling Howie tightly against him.
"That's good," Howie said. "Because I love you, too."
Howie pulled the sheet up over them, and then kissed Lance's tears away.
I was jarred from sleep in the morning by the blaring of the alarm clock. I rolled over, smacking it, and realized that I was in bed alone. Not only that, but I distinctly remembered not setting the alarm clock last night, because Chris and I weren't running today.
"Josh?" I asked groggily, sitting up in bed. The bedroom door was closed, and I noticed boxers, a t-shirt, and track pants sitting on the end of the bed. "What the hell?"
I pulled the clothes on, wondering what the hell Josh had planned now. It couldn't be very formal, based on the outfit, which offered no clues at all. Suddenly I heard another alarm clock going off, a big metal one ringing loudly. I jerked the bedroom door open and followed the sound to the dining room table. I noticed that the front door of the apartment was standing wide open as I picked up the clock and shut it off, about to ask why the hell there was a clock on our table. Before I could say anything, though, I heard Justin's voice outside, in the courtyard.
"When the visions around you Bring tears to your eyes And all that surround you Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength I'll give you hope Keeping your faith when it's gone The one you should call Was standing here all along"
He wasn't speaking, he was singing. And he wasn't outside alone, either, because I heard the rest of the guys join in for the chorus. Were they practicing in the courtyard?
"And I will take you in my arms And hold you right where you belong 'Til the day my life is through This I promise you This I promise you"
I drifted to the front of the apartment, stepping out of the door as Josh began his part. People may act like it's "Nsync, starring Justin Timberlake", but it's Josh's voice that really carries them. He's the backbone, and the soul.
"I've loved you forever In lifetimes before And I promise you never Will you hurt anymore"
I looked down over the railing, and there they were, all five of them, staring up at our apartment. Josh was right in the middle, his blue eyes shining, as he sang, singing his heart, singing only for me.
"I give you my word I give you my heart This is a battle we've won And with this vow Forever has now begun"
I noticed that Howie was standing off to the side, in one of the corners, taping me with a video camera, and standing next to him was an extremely tanned, bleached blond older woman who could be no one else but the elusive Jackie, the apartment manager. She had a camera as well, and was snapping away, taking picture after picture of me. I wished I'd had time to do my hair, and wondered what the hell was going on as the guys picked up the chorus.
"Just close your eyes Each lovin' day And know this feeling won't go away 'Til the day my life is through This I promise you This I promise you"
Josh stepped forward, starting toward the stairs as he sang the next part, and I almost dropped the clock on his head. I didn't realize it was still in my hand.
"Over and over I fall When I hear you call Without you in my life, baby I just wouldn't be living at all"
Josh began to climb the stairs, ever so slowly, climbing up toward me as I grinned through the tears I felt spilling down my cheeks.
"And I will take you in my arms And hold you right where you belong 'Til the day my life is through This I promise you, baby"
Josh kept singing along with the rest of them as he took my hand, dropping to his knee in front of me, staring up at me, his eyes shining and warm.
"Just close your eyes Each lovin' day And know this feeling won't go away Every word I say is true This I promise you Every word I say is true This I promise you I promise you"
The guys, Howie, and Jackie stared expectantly at us as Josh, on his knee, reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. I felt my hand shaking, held tightly in his, and thought I might pass out as he flipped the box open and pulled out a silver band.
"Jack, I know we can't get married, and I know this is sudden, but I love you, and if you want to, if you say it later, we can fly to Vermont and get one of those union things, or we can have a ceremony, or whatever you want," Josh said, pausing.
I blinked silently at him, completely stunned.
"Josh, you haven't asked him!" Joey called up, filling the silence. The other guys twittered and Josh shook his head, blinking rapidly.
"Jack, I love you. Please say that you'll stay with me forever," he said. "I had a whole speech, but I forgot it. Please, will you, will you be my husband, my heart, my boyfriend, whatever you want to call it?"
"Yes!" I blurted, pulling him up and throwing my arms around him. "Yes, Josh, yes. I love you, Josh, only you, forever."
As he pulled me against him, sweeping me up into a big, sloppy Josh kiss, I felt him slipping the ring onto my finger. It fit perfectly, and I realized that he had used my college ring to get the size. Below us, everyone else clapped and cheered, the cameras still rolling. I linked my hand through Josh's, feeling my ring hit against the matching one he wore that I hadn't noticed until now.
"I love you, Josh," I whispered, unable to even raise my voice.
"And I love you," he said, staring into my eyes. I thought both of us were going to start crying again. Josh smiled. "Welcome to happy ever after, Jack."
"Thanks," I said, kissing him again. "I think I'll stay a while."
End Season 3
Note to readers: It will be a while before I get anything written or posted. In the meantime, while we wait to see Jack, Josh, and all the rest, can I recommend:
"JC Dreams" "Reformation" "On the Streets" "Sans vous je suis rien" "Bad Boy B-Rock" "Things Don't Always Turn Out That Way" "Playing from the Heart" "Nsync Complications" "Mistaken Dreams" "Good Life"
These are what I'm reading currently. Some are long, some are short, but I think they're all well worth looking over.
I also want to thank everyone who's written to encourage me, offer ideas, or just to talk. Even if I don't keep writing the story, I'll keep writing back.